Conscious Grieving: A Transformative Approach to Healing from Loss

by Claire Bidwell Smith

An intimate guide to grieving that offers hope and healing within loss from one of the nation’s top grief therapists. 
 
Conscious Grieving is a book for anyone seeking guidance and support after loss. Renowned grief therapist Claire Bidwell Smith combines her deeply personal experience of loss with her long career spent working with thousands of people to introduce a new approach to grief, one that promotes hope and even transformation.  What does it mean to grieve consciously? Most of the time, when we lose someone we love, it feels like grief is just happening to us. We feel out of control, and overwhelmed. Claire reminds us that while loss is something that inevitably happens to all of us, how we choose to grieve is up to us. When we can consciously engage with our grief, rather than avoiding it, we can access profound pathways to healing. Presented in a series of thoughtful, brief vignettes that don’t overwhelm the reader, Conscious Grieving offers a new framework for each stage of Entering, Engaging, Surrendering, and Transforming. Grief asks a lot from us. But the ability to grieve is a birthright. We grieve throughout our lifetimes. We grieve the deaths of loved ones yes, but also moves, divorce, illness, injustice, time lost, changes in the world and healing from these losses requires that we evaluate everything we ever considered meaningful. Healing means making our lives worth the pain we endure when we lose someone we love. And transforming through grief is an opportunity afforded to all. 

Genres: Grief, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Audiobook, Mental Health

240 pages, Paperback

Published March 12, 2024

About the author

Claire Bidwell Smith lives in Los Angeles. She is the author of the books The Rules of Inheritance (Penguin 2012), and After This (Penguin, 2015). Claire works in private practice as a therapist specializing in grief.

The Rules of Inheritance, a Barnes & Noble Discover Pick and a Books for a Better Life nominee, has been published in 17 countries and is currently being turned into a film.

Claire received a BA in creative writing from The New School and a MA in clinical psychology from Antioch University. She has written for many publications including The Huffington Post, Salon.com, Slate, BlackBook Magazine and Chicago Public Radio. Her background includes travel and food writing, working for nonprofits like Dave Eggers’ literacy center 826LA, and bereavement counseling for hospice.

Reviews

[Marina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listened to the audiobook for work - need to purchase so I can have a hard copy resource ❤️

[Brit (britlovestoread)]

I've read a lot of books on grief lately and I really appreciated this but at the same time I'm not sure that it went as deep as some of the other books I've read on the subject. Still a very good read and I know the author worked really hard on this.

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book to read before (and keep in your tool kit) and after a loss.
I thought the Reflection with an action item at the end of each discussion was a nice touch. This allows the reader to stop and think about how what they just read applies to them.
When you are deep in grief you don’t exactly stop and think about how it’s affecting your body, mind and other parts of your life. The studies and explanations of how it affect you emotionally and physically were very interesting as I’ve not thought of some of these before. The author even gives ideas on how to manage, warning signs to look for and how/when to seek help for how you are feeling.
This book also walks you through the first year of grief and what you can expect as well as Holidays, birthdays and other special events. I thought that was helpful so that you have some idea as things happen that how you are feeling is a normal part of grief.
The last part of the book is all of the Tools that may help you along your grief journey.

Thank you to the Author, Publisher and NetGalley for the ARC.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Loss is something that happens to us, but how we grieve is up to us. Grieving consciously means choosing to intentionally engage with the emotions of pain, sorrow, anxiety, and anger."

Learning how to manage the engagement with grief is how this book supports the process. There isn't any one way to grieve. Claire has done a wonderful job of providing a collection of possibilities to do so. Think of it as a collection box for suggestions. Take what works, leave the rest.

[Natalie Sopic · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovely, heart-centered and practical book about grieving and ways to go through grief while honoring the loved one.

[Clement · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really like and learn the continuing bonds theory. Here it is:

"When we lose someone close to us, we may feel that we can no longer converse with them or receive advice or input from them, but those interactions are still possible. When we know someone well or spent many years interacting with them, their thoughts, responses, and even humor become internalized. Try closing your eyes right now and conjuring up your person. Now ask them a question you would have asked them when they were here. Maybe it's about work or your marriage or even if they like the shirt you are wearing. I'm almost sure you know what their answer would be, what tone of voice they would use, and what kind of advice they would give you.

You don't need to know or feel that their words are coming from beyond. That doesn't matter. Because a very real version of them exists within you already. You can begin building or deepening your relationship by continuing to rely on them and continuing to seek their counsel and their love. Close your eyes and talk to them. Ask them what they would tell you right now and listen for their response. Ask them something funny, or something hard, and listen to what they have to say. You can do this any time you feel the urge. And doing so will ease that awful sense of disconnect and will bring them back to you."

Thank you Claire!

[Alexandra Oduber · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a lifeline for those new to the landscape of grief, unsure of where to begin. It gently guides you on how to engage with your sorrow, transforming this heart-wrenching experience into a journey of profound growth. By embracing grief, no matter how painful, you find a way to survive and even thrive.
This book made me feel intimately connected to my loved one, even after their passing. I now know our relationship and all of the love have merely evolved, but they will never vanish 🤍

[Lara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such a helpful read as always from Claire. I want to go back through this book and take notes when I do. The prompts throughout are such a helpful way to actively process your grief. This is such a great book for later in your grief journey when you are really ready to get in there and do the work you need to do in order to heal and truly process.

[Sonachú · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful and gentle way of taking time to be with your grief. Something that was written has stayed with me.. It was along the lines of "the grieving need to protect their peace" - I feel drawn to take time and sit with this book, which allows me to sit with myself and my loss. I don't usually write reviews but it's deserving. I will sit with it often.

[April Oharah Hernandez · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent book on working your way through grief by allowing yourself to feel it. The author recommends several of the grief titles I have found most helpful. I plan to add this book to that list.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is written in the second person and is a letter to grieving people. It is a synthesis of everything the author learned over the past twenty years as a grieving person and someone sitting with thousands of people along their journeys of loss. She was a therapist for fifteen years, working in private practice, hospice, retreats, and support groups. The book talks about how grief can be an intentional process because how we grieve is up to us. Sometimes, it is about leaning into the process with intention and consciousness.

The book is significant because the author breaks the topics into digestible pieces. It is an easy read; you can flip through it or open it anywhere. Some of the chapters and sections are only half a page. Besides covering the emotional aspects, the book touches on the physicality of grief, like getting headaches or stomachaches. There is also a section on complicated grief. At the end of each discussion was a Reflection with an Action item. This allows the reader to stop and think about what they just read and how it applies to them. This would be a thoughtful gift or a great tool for someone who may be struggling with loss.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at: https://www.momsdonthavetimetoreadboo...

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Summer Book Bingo: Grief

Sometimes a project you are already undertaking (SPL/KCLS Book Bingo) has an unfortunate collision with real life. At the beginning of July, my older brother passed away (just about 2 weeks shy of the 3rd anniversary of our mom's death). His death was one of those events that might be best categorized as "shocking but not surprising," and the grief I'm experiencing doesn't always make sense. It's also swirling up feelings about my mom, my favorite cat who passed almost 4 years ago, and anticipatory grief around my current elderly cat who has cancer.

I feel like the best part of this book is that basically it is a lot of reassurance that everything around grief is normal, and gives an incredibly wide range of ideas/options to pick and chose from. Want to journal? Great, here are prompts at the end of every chapter that you are also totally free to ignore if that's not your thing. Don't know how you feel about the afterlife? That's OK; have you considered the idea that "afterlife" can also refer to a person's legacy?

It's insightful, gentle, and not preachy.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had to read this book small bit at a time. It was easier to process that way to read a couple chapters and think about them and then come back to it. Of course grief is totally sicklier so I expect to come back to this book at some point after it’s been a while. I started reading about a month after I lost my mom and it helped me to process what I was feeling and understand that it was normal. I plan to recommend this book to my friends who experience a loss because I think it approaches loss with compassion and common sense and that’s how I like to approach it. It’s a very emotional time and I like to try to set aside those emotions to process things as logically as I can Well still allowing myself to feel the grease.

[Kayleigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is a great book to have read through and sat on while dealing with a loss. I felt particular resonance with the reflections at the end of each chapter which gave me something to sit with and think about before moving on. Some of them I journaled, some I didn't. The one that say with me the most was, "What do you need in order to feel safe enough to fall apart?" and as someone who feels a supreme responsibility to keep it all together, sitting on what I would need in order to not be that person made me reflect on myself and where I was in my grief vs a year ago, vs at many other points.

"Loss is something that happens to us, but how we grieve is up to us. Grieving consciously means choosing to intentionally engage with the emotions of pain, sorrow, anxiety, and anger."

[Dana DesJardins · Rating 2 out of 5]

The first half of the book is useful in its reassurance that grief's madness is a natural response rather than the aberration society deems it. The second relies on the kind of self-help cliches that make one want to kick furniture: we should meditate and build supportive communities. There is a kind of hubris involved in offering bromides. As Raynor Winn says, it is a kind of tightening one's own coat against the storm instead of offering to the sufferer.

[Debbie Aruta · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing! I’ve read so many grief books where I felt that the writer has never lived through grief, this book was great. Helpful suggestions to helping me move be, finally, through my grief.

[Cleo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Appreciated the kindness this was written with. The reflections were interesting and I want to take some more time with them in the future. The audiobook was good but definitely supplemental to the hard copy with all of its tools / exercises.

[Crystal R · Rating 5 out of 5]

Claire is a gift to the world. This book covers so much so nicely, and has so many helpful concepts. I especially love listening to Bidwell Smith's books, because her voice and way of speaking is very soothing.

[Karen Luoto · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked the way this book was set up. Each chapter was only a couple pages so I could read and then reflect on each one. It helped me walk through some of the worst days of my life. I would recommend it to anyone going through any phase of grief.

[Kelly Bergin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an amazing book about grief and healing. I’ve given 4 people this book!

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

A basic primer on grief explored through Bidwell Smith’s four areas of Conscious Grieving. It may be a helpful guide a new griever.

[Karen Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book walking through grief. Small chapters are perfect for grief brain.

[Susanne Huizing · Rating 5 out of 5]

The BEST book written on grief that I have read. Intentionally, authentic, and transparent.
I am grateful to have read it and will keep on reading it as I miss my favorite human.

[Leigh Williams · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a beautifully written book.....

[Shelley Mac · Rating 5 out of 5]

It helped me after my mom passed away from cancer. Better than most grief books I read.

[Sammy Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book for anyone handling any sort of grief. Nice short chapters, aesthetically easy to look at. Would 100% recommend.

[Laura Pettit · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has open my mind to different ways to look at grief and the healing journey

[Carly Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book for anyone dealing with grief or who is trying to support someone else through grief. There are also so many resources in the book and in the appendix at the end.

[Lori Cox · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had some good resources and questions to ask yourself but was also not as deep as I thought it would be.

[Katie Romine · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent resource to process and understand your own grief and support those who are going through it. I listened as an audiobook, but plan to add this one to my library!