The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year

The New Father

by Armin A. Brott

An indispensable handbook on all aspects of fatherhood during the first 12 months, by the author of The Expectant Father .
The essential handbook for all things first-year father is now fully updated and revised. Not only will new dads get a month-by-month guide to their baby’s development, men reading The New Father will learn how they change, grow, and develop over the first twelve months of fatherhood.

In each chapter, Brott focuses on What’s Going On with the Baby; What You’re Going Through; What’s Going On with Your Partner; You and Your Baby; Family Matters; and more. The latest research, as well as time-honored wisdom―and humor, thanks to New Yorker cartoons and Brott’s light touch―make The New Father indispensable for the modern father who doesn’t want to miss a moment of his child’s first year.

What’s new?
• How technology is changing fatherhood
• Changing definitions of fatherhood
• Changes in the way society deals with dads―from changing tables in public men’s rooms to workplace flexibility
• Research proving that a father’s love is just as important as a mother’s
• How being an involved dad rewires a man’s brain
• How changes in women’s roles in the family affect dads and their roles
• Special concerns for: young dads, older dads, at-home dads, unmarried dads, dads in same-sex couples, dads in blended families, dads of kids with special needs, and men who became dads with the help of technology
• The special impact dads have on girls and boys
• Specific strategies dads can use to get―and stay―involved in their children’s lives
• Updated resources for new fathers

Not to mention new research and information on:
• How to understand what your baby is telling you
• Babies’ amazing abilities
• Baby massage--they love it!
• The latest on vaccinations and healthcare
• And much, much more

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Family, Reference, Childrens, Audiobook

336 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

Reviews

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started reading this because someone recommended it to my husband, and so it was lying around. I'm rather grateful to the guy who recommended it.

During pregnancy, I bumped up against a number of materials aimed at dads, and was frequently annoyed by them. So many of them seemed condescending to me, acting as if guys are more interested in football and have be to coaxed into learning about their kids. But at the same time, I can see the need--an awful lot of the parenting guides are aimed, whether explicitly or just implicitly, at the moms. And I can see how dads would be steadily turned off by their status as a random chapter and a sidebar or two, thrown in as an afterthought.

This book fills the gap beautifully, without talking down to anyone. It assumes that guys are just as anxious to be good parents as the women are, and acknowledges that there are a number of ways in which being a dad is different than being a mom. It points out which ones are just trends (dads tend to be more physical with their children on average) that may or may not apply to an individual situation, which differences are biological, and which differences are imposed by society. It encourages fathers to buck the stupid society ones but doesn't sweep the anxieties that many men have under the carpet. There aren't any jokey references to football, as if men can't relate to their infants without elaborate metaphors--there is an assumption that any man reading this book has a genuine desire to bond with his kid and doesn't need to be tricked into it.

And the info is great. There are milestones for the infant at the beginning of each chapter, plus notes on what's likely to be going on with mom, with dad's feelings, and with the relationships between all the family members. There are charts of immunizations, reflexes, temperaments, and more. There are suggestions for age-appropriate ways to play with your child, a huge emphasis on reading to kids and on exposing them to different kinds of music, explanations of different kinds of life insurance, discussions of work-life balance and how to find good child care, and more. The tone is friendly and matter-of-fact, the information is thorough and interestingly presented, and the facts all line up with other sources (such as the Mayo Clinic guides). Controversial topics like cosleeping and disposable diapers are treated in an even-handed and non-hysterical manner. In general, I thought it was informative, supportive, and reassuring, without being in the slightest bit condescending. Dads deserve credit and support, and I think this book does an excellent job of providing both.

[Chad · Rating 4 out of 5]

A practical guide to a baby’s first year, written for new fathers. Each chapter explains how the baby is developing physically, intellectually, verbally, and emotionally/socially. It then explains what you (the father) are feeling and experiencing. The book’s information and advice are based on academic and clinical research, studies, and expert opinions, as well as anecdotes from the author and his acquaintances. The author includes just the right amount of humor to make it entertaining.

The author encourages fathers to as involved as mothers in parenting. He advises adjusting your work schedule to allow for more family time. I read this book because I liked The Expectant Father (my review).

Here are the notes I took for each chapter. Although the chapters are divided into months, the information often applies to more than that month.

1 Week
• Bathe baby at most 3 times per week, but wash face daily, and everything under diaper at each changing.
• For first few weeks, use warm wet washcloths or cotton balls instead of wipes.

1 Month
• Only let baby “cry it out” as a last resort. Studies show that responding promptly and lovingly is best.

2 Months
• Stop swaddling to allow baby to practice using arms and hands.
• Turn water heater down to 120°F to prevent burning baby.
• Schedule many daytime naps. Baby shouldn’t be up for more than 1-2 hours at a time. Naps don’t interfere with ability to sleep at night.
• Set a regular bedtime around 7pm.
• Don’t play with baby when she wakes up at night. Keep it quiet and dark.

3 Months
Storing breast milk
• Room temperature 8-10 hours
• Refrigerator 1 week
• Freeze within 48 hours in breast milk bags, for up to 3 months
• Thaw in warm water, not microwave
• After thawing, refrigerate up to 24 hours, but don’t refreeze
• Swirl milk to mix before feeding baby

• Don’t borrow breast pumps; they can’t be properly cleaned (except for special rental pumps).
• Introduce baby to a bottle by now.
• Introduce rattles, keys, and other toys.
• Start playing a wide variety of music.
• Don’t over- or under-dress baby. Dress her as you dress yourself. Layers are best.
• Don’t use sunscreen on baby until 6 months. Keep her out of sun.
• To minimize diaper rash, check diapers every few hours and change if even slightly wet. Let baby air out without diaper. Use diaper cream.

4 Months
• Don’t be the last thing baby sees before falling asleep, or she’ll always need to see you to fall asleep.
• Don’t let baby nap more than 3 hours at a stretch.

5 Months
Introducing solid food
• Wait until about 6 months to introduce solid food, unless baby is bottle-fed; then, possibly as early as 4 months. Start with a single-grain cereal like oatmeal with breast milk.
• Introduce only 1 new food at a time. Wait 3-5 days before introducing another.
• 3 days after cereal, start on veggies. Introduce green and yellow, spaced out.
• After about a week, introduce non-citrus fruits.
• Introduce yogurt after 7 months, then breads, cereals, shredded meats.
• At 9 months, introduce mushy finger foods.
• No honey or corn sweetener until 1 year old.

7 Months
• Clean baby’s teeth daily with washcloth, gauze, or very soft toothbrush. Don’t use toothpaste.
• Don’t use string to attach a pacifier to the baby (strangulation risk). Instead, get a clip-on. Avoid using pacifier at bedtime so baby doesn’t wake up when it falls out.
• A few soft toys in the crib are OK, but still no pillows or large toys.
• Car seats should face backward until baby is at least 1 year and 20 lbs.

9 Months
• Blocks are some of the most educational toys.

10 Months
• Baby should speak with words between 10 months and 1 year.
• Keep playing music to develop musical potential, even though you start to develop her verbal skills. Play music without words so she focuses on music. Sing along with nonsense words.

12 Months
• Baby will start to try walking.
• Stay calm when stopping bad or dangerous behavior. If you react wildly, baby will repeat the behavior to get you to react again (babies find it amusing).
• Start weaning baby off breast milk.
• Don’t give cow’s milk until after 1 year. Then, start with whole milk (babies need the fat).
• Babies can’t start potty training until 2 years.

[David Marino · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is my second "New Father" book I have read by Armin Brott, and I must say, I'm far more disappointed in this one than I was with "The Expectant Father".

The first issue I have with this book is the accuracy of the information. Since this book was written in the 90's (and hasn't had a newer edition since 2004), most of the resources, references, and facts are woefully out of date. For instance, bumpers are considered a "no-no" in cribs these days, but Mr. Brott goes out of his way to recommend them for "active babies". Furthermore, when he does cite "recommended reading", all of the books are a good 15 to 20 years old. This might be fine for some people, but I prefer to make sure most of the information I have is from this century.

The second issue I have with this book is the redundancy of information. Not only does he flat out repeat sections of the book, but he also makes it difficult to know where to turn to for definitive material. For instance, he lists recommended books for infants in one chapter, and then he seemingly cites another list of books in the following chapter. This would be fine if one section of books was for newborns and one was for 9 to 12 month olds, but there doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason why he does this.

The third issue I have is more subjective, but it concerns his overall advice. While I appreciate that everyone has different tastes or opinions, I really wonder why he chooses to say some of the things he does. For instance, he mentions "watching porn" to spruce up a couple's sex life. Okay... And then he talks in a later chapter about feelings that may cause "arousal" or "excitement" toward your child. While he quickly goes on to cite several psychiatrists that it is completely normal to feel excited toward your infant son or daughter, I still wonder what his motivation was toward writing things like this -- other than to shock his audience.

All in all, a pretty disappointing read.

[Corey Thibodeaux · Rating 5 out of 5]

The purple bags under your eyes give away the struggle. Your house is now a vessel for toys and collateral damage. You look back on what you endured and, with a single tear sliding down your face, you say, "We did it. We kept the little one from destroying himself."

That, my friends, is the first year of parenthood.

When you have a child, you are inundated with advice that may or may not work for you. Every child is different. With that being said, it's very difficult to judge any parenting book, but this book got me through the first year all right going beyond raising a child. It's encouraging to know you aren't alone in aspects of feeling helpless as a father in the early stages, navigating new dynamics in your relationships, and dealing with a grandparent's abundance/lack of affection.

I'd say for the first year of fatherhood, this is a pretty comprehensive tome and could do a lot of fathers well. Each chapter is divided into the baby's age by month, so I would just read the upcoming month as it comes - no need to rush through this. In doing so, you can focus on what your baby is going through in the moment and analyze his or her needs, as the variables are unique to you and you alone.

The year will fly by, so cherish it.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m going to have to re-read the relevant portions again as the first year was maybe a bit too much to read before the baby is even born in hindsight. But it seems like a great deal of useful information. (Hopefully that will hold true to practical experience. I’ll hopefully remember to update this review if it does or does not live up to those expectations).

[Jake Dumas · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was easy.

[Samuel Livingston · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lots of helpful information. Makes me more confident entering into fatherhood.

[Dominika Žáková · Rating 4 out of 5]

Vtipne, rozumne a láskavo napísaná kniha o prvom roku dieťaťa, ktorá neprehovára k otcom ako k rodičom druhej kategórie.
Rozoberá každý mesiac z hľadiska psychomotorického vývinu dieťaťa, ale aj vývinu muža-otca, jeho emócií, ale aj praktických, pracovných a právnych záležitostí (tie sedia najmä na americké reálie, zišlo by sa takéto dačo i na Slovensku!)
Odporúčam nielen čerstvým otcom, ale aj mamám, ktorým chýba v rodičovskej literatúre trochu nadhľadu.
PS: už máme v knižnici aj Fathering Your Toddler!

[Kalin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read The New Father gradually over the course of my first full year as a parent, from Jan. 2021 to Jan. 2022. As advertised by its subtitle, it is an accessible, down-to-earth, simple guide for new dads. The book is helpfully broken up into chapters based on each month of the first year, and starts with bullet-point lists of what to expect in terms of baby's psychological, emotional, physical, and social development as they age throughout that first year. I loved reading these sections aloud with my family and charting the course of my kiddo's growth through steps, recognizing that Brott's guidebook only lists general averages, and each kid takes their own pathway through learning life, even from the earliest stages.

This book is not jargon heavy, and is very easy to pick up and get something out of even for exhausted and sleep-deprived new parents.

I gifted a copy to my brother when he was expecting a baby not too long after my own, and would recommend it as a basics book for any man becoming a father for the first time. Of course, this book is only general information which points in some directions for deeper learning elsewhere, but it's a good foundation for beginning.

[Elyssa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Another winning book for new fathers by Armin Brott. In this book, he provides guidance on a month-by-month basis for a child's first year of life, including developmental milestones, how the mother is likely feeling, and how the father is feeling. This is written in the spirit of equally shared parenting, which is both rare and refreshing. It was hard for me to find books for fathers that weren't overly humorous or reduced fathers to helpless and clueless caregivers who are advised to just let the mother deal with the children. Armin Brott is an experienced and loving father who clearly knows that all men have the potential to be active parents and role models.

[Tate Schad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fatherhood for some of us is full of immense pride, crippling self-doubt, probably some cringiness, thousands of diaper changes, and a lot of hard work, physically and emotionally. While nothing compares to what moms go through, we go through a rollercoaster ourselves that sometimes can put us on an island of our own. It can be hard to voice our concerns and struggles when we also need to be strong enough to console someone else. In comes the New Father book to reassure you that you aren’t alone, that many have come before and walked the same path, and that you have way harder things and stinkier diapers ahead, so don’t get too ahead of yourself and just enjoy the ride.

I really enjoy these books — more so than the What to Expect series — because they just lay it out plain. At times it can be a bit on the nose with the remarks and advice, but generally it hits deep to the core of issues I myself am feeling or wondering at the time. It was always comforting to find an issue in the book that I was having in real-life and have it explain exactly why this is a happening and how not to lose my mind. It also quickly summarized each month and milestone so you know about where you should or could be with your baby, along with a million anecdotes and recommendations for the first year of parenting. It was a staple in my day-to-day in those early months, and a reliable check-in the whole way through.

I recommend this to anybody filling a fatherly role, and am thankful I found it before I started my own journey here. And yes, I have already bought the 12-36 month version for my nightstand. I can only imagine the advice I will need to survive the toddler years.

[Luke · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a vastly oversimplified view of child development, e.g. "At 11 months he can operate a spoon pretty well but prefers to use his hands."

But, in fact, those long lists of skills and behaviors that kids typically have at each month in their first year of life were what I liked the most. I quickly skimmed the rest of the chapters - which comprise most of the book - and loved reading through those lists. I found that they often helped point out and appreciate behaviors that my daughter was already doing. And it was easy to gloss over the ones that she was "behind" on because the format was obviously oversimplified.

It's pretty awesome all the changes that happen in a kid's first year of life!

[Jordan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book to be very surface level. There were certainly some helpful tidbits and interesting revelations, but more than anything I didn’t find it altogether helpful. Some parts were actually downright troublesome, especially in the way that the author tends to cling to gender roles, patriarchal systems, and even an explanatory section on “what to do if you hit your children and how to handle it.”

This just wasn’t for me. I wouldn’t read it again if I had another kid and a definitely wouldn’t recommend it to new fathers.

[Marius · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book of practical information for fathers.
I think Armin should be named as “father of new fathers”. By reading his book you understand that all super crazy thoughts going through your mind while expecting and having a newborn are not stupid, that other people also have doubts, suspisions and weird family situations. Again, practical information month bu month whats happening with the baby, you and your partner is essential. Great material, recommended.

[Taylor Bovee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was given to Tim as a gift before E was born and we would read this book together and I found it to be my favorite book for pre-baby world. It is from a stay at home dads perspective and he shares many ways of how a women is feeling and how to help her and baby and be the best dad you can in the process. Also the most realistic takes on baby development and relationship development at each month. I would recommend it to everyone pre baby and Tim has bought two copies for friends since.

[Luke Schmeltzer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was by far the most thorough, comprehensive, and informative book on parenting that I’ve read in preparing to be a dad. The book has many strengths, but as a Christian, I have a few ethical objections to a few pieces of his advice (such as using porn to spice up the postpartum romance life). Regardless, the book is very helpful for reference.

[Ron · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very extensive coverage of the first year of fatherhood. I'll be referring back to it as my daughter gets older. If you do everything he says to do in this book you might be a tad bit neurotic, but I'm glad I know it all anyway.

[Molly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nick picked this out while I was pregnant and guess which one of us read it.

One of the better parenting books I've read, honestly. I like that it went in depth about what the baby might be learning each month, as well as what you and your partner might be feeling. The tone was of a gently reassuring adult, not lecturing like On Becoming Babywise or teen-magazine casual like What to Expect When You're Expecting. I aim to be a gently reassuring adult, so this worked well for me.

[Gladimore]

SUPER DETAILED. I was kinda overwhelmed, but was worth the read. Will referencing to this throughout the first year. A little too much information for me right now.

[Andrew Benson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to both fathers and mothers. I read it over the course of 9 months, trying to stay a month or two ahead of my son. As I’ve learned though, every baby is different, and they seem to develop at their own pace.

By no means does this book answer all of the questions about parenting a 0-12 month old child. It does, however, provide a basic roadmap of what to expect.

[Jiwoonglee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good to have it around as a first-time father.

[Ismael Gutierrez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just as useful as the first one. It is heavily focused on the US and their healthcare and insurance system, but it still offers loads of great information from a male perspective for new fathers, like myself.

[Aviad Eilam · Rating 4 out of 5]

Clear, down to earth, practical. My only quibble: given heightened parental anxiety around developmental milestones, it would be worth emphasizing and reemphasizing that the ages Brott gives are just averages. The last thing parents need is to freak out because their 10-month-old hasn’t yet mastered the English alphabet.

[Mark McGuire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great new fathers

[Chuck Meade · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was complimented by one of my wife’s doctors when they saw me reading this in the waiting room for one of her pregnancy appointments. It is a great read for new dads to read every month during their kid’s first year of life. Since Kaity does a TON of research on her own there wasn’t a lot of new information for me. Still, it helped me to know which milestones to expect each month and helped me to be much more informed. We also made it through the first year 🙌

[Zeshan Syed · Rating 5 out of 5]

In my culture, it is unconventional to read a book on parenting. People would joke about such a notion and look at you condescendingly. If you can relate to such a situation, then this book is for you. It is for the curious father who is uncomfortable about asking "silly" questions on parenting for fear of eliciting a sententious response.

This book is a combination of a user manual, on fathering, and a self-help book. It is laid out in a structured format that makes it accessible and easy to use as a reference in the future. The writer conveniently adds humor throughout the book to keep the reader entertained while reading such a dry topic.

I highly recommend it to new, and expecting, dads as it contains information with respect to each month of the first infant year. It is replete with a variety of information regarding the baby's physical, mental and emotional health. Almost all the information is intuitive as well as retrospective, backed by adequate research on the subject.

Ideally this book should be read cover to cover at once. After that it can act as an indispensable monthly reference material. Each chapter contains a section "What's Going On With The Baby" that lists the monthly milestones which can be used as a yardstick to gauge infant growth and health. It imparts a plethora of advices that would educate the dad and minimize the surprises - don't think for a second that it will contain every minute detail (this is not a pediatric bible), rather it equips the reader with a mindset - he may find down the line. Each chapter contains a section about the health (physical and emotional) of the mother which is instrumental in managing expectations for a couple. Additionally, handy information about miscellaneous stuff (insurance, social security etc) can be found scattered throughout the book.

This is by no means a replacement of your pediatrician's advice. It just contains comprehensive information that can save the father a lot of trouble.

Most importantly, it inculcates a sense of confidence and optimism.

[Guido Rodriguez · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book tries to emulate the format of its prequel by having one chapter for each month of baby's first year of life. This format undermines the accuracy of the author's claims as the developing pace of babies varies greatly.

[Chad · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just like the previous book by Armin Brott, "The Expectant Father" the strength of this book is giving concise information to help a new father navigate the new bold world of having a baby. He does a good job of giving relevant information that seems to be well researched but not overpowering the reader with too much information. It is a good balance to read through and but there are certainly better resources for reference when you need help on a specific issue. The weakness of the book is more about the reader than the book as it is laid out on a timeline of each month for the child. It can be hard to keep up with the reading on the right timeline as I almost never did (either ahead or behind). Overall, I would recommend it and just tell the father not to worry too much about reading each chapter on time but to do it when you can as it is helpful.

[Charles Walker · Rating 4 out of 5]

Equally good as his "What to Expect" book, and chock-full of similarly useful information. So why only four stars? The whole idea is kind of preposterous: my hat off to any new parent who can honestly stay awake to make it through the whole thing. Gathers more dust on my night table than the other one did, as I play with my son instead.

Still, a great reference. And every 3am session you spend staring into space, head a rising mixture of panic and exhaustion, eyelids heavy like lead, as your child decides your sleep schedule - just take a reassuring look at its cover and know that at least *somebody* has all the answers. Maybe when he goes off to school I'll actually have time to read them.

[Gavin · Rating 3 out of 5]

250 pages of filler, 80 pages of pure gold. I see that I dog-eared five pages over the course of nearly a year of incremental reading:
- Week 1: the six behavioral states of an hours-old baby (quiet alert, active alert, crying, drowsiness, quiet sleep, active sleep)
- Month 1: reflexes (Moro, Babinski, etc.)
- Month 5: most/least problematic solid foods + when to introduce them
- Month 6: questions to ask when interviewing a potential in-home caretaker
- Month 9: activities to stimulate hand-eye coordination (nesting and stacking, pouring, etc.)

Let the adventure continue!