Off The Derech: How To Respond To The Challenge

by Faranak Margolese

"Off the Derech," translated as "Off the Path," is the term used within the Orthodox Jewish community to describe those who have left Jewish observance. This groundbreaking book by Faranak Margolese examines why Orthodox Jews stop practicing Judaism, confronting one of the most pressing issues in the religious Jewish world today. Based on a study which involved over 500 Jews who left Orthodox Judaism, Off the Derech presents the first comprehensive examination of the causes of defection from Orthodox Judaism. It clearly and thoroughly explains those causes, and provides solutions to this increasingly common phenomenon. In doing so, Off the Derech enlightens not only the Orthodox but Jewish parents and leaders from all streams of Judaism as the research provides valuable insights into assimilation and Jewish continuity at large. This highly anticipated work, over five years in the making, became an instant Jewish best-seller and is considered the definitive handbook on the off the derech phenomenon. It is a must-read for parents, teachers and Rabbis alike.

Genres: Jewish, Nonfiction

430 pages, Paperback

First published September 8, 2005

Reviews

[Gennady Polonetsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book to understand how to become secular national Jew!

[Leib Mitchell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book Review
4 stars
Off the Derech
*******

It has been observed several decades before this book was written (by Eric Hoffer) that: "Hatred is the most accessible and comprehensive of all unifying agents."

With the knowledge that Haredi Judaism is such a comprehensive, compact, and unified entity..... Is it hard to believe the level of hatred that exists therein?

It should be no surprise that the Yeshivish-Haredim are just brimming with hatred against so many things.

*Against Sephardim. (The author herself was Persian.)
*Against people with non religious Jewish relatives. (Many stories in the book. )
*Against each other when one of them might not be the best student. (Or, when one of them is too exceptional of a student.)
*Against converts.

Some people leave because they are tired of being the target of bullies all the time.

Other people might leave because they just get tired of all of the "baseless hatred."

In a sense, this book vindicates me. I had wanted to send my sons to black hat school, and (mercifully) they were rejected--the school did not want any black people.

It turns out that what almost all of these stories have in common is either someone was bullied or sexually abused at school (each by either students OR teachers), or the same thing happened at home.

A text like this needed to be written--if, for no other reason than the fact that I have never met a single a Haredi person who would admit that bullying/sexual abuse is a very serious problem.

The general case is that: it is next to impossible to get an honest assessment from any Haredi person that could put the fault for some event back on the Haredim themselves.

Sample conversations that I've myself had:

(In response to the observation that Malka Leifer molested a number of school girls.) "There's no way to prove that, because girls are not qualified as witnesses in Jewish law anyway."

(In response to an observation that a young local middle school student had to leave school because of excessive bullying by the other children) "That's not the real reason. It's just an excuse because he was failing school."

(In response to an observation that a local convert went back to his church because he was tired of his children not being able to make any friends.) "Well, that's his own fault because he had mental problems. And it doesn't matter, because his conversion was never valid anyway."

There is a fair amount of psychobabble padding in this book, and I don't know how much I believe it - - given that Psychology is not a real science.

That said, even with all of that subtracted.... the take-away message is still the same.

1. Sending kids to a Haredi school is/ can be an excellent and time tested way to push them off the derech.

2. Everything in proportion and nothing in excess. So, if you are too strict on your observance, then children will not feel like they had a choice.

3. A Judaism in which one only goes through the motions without any actual feeling is not one that is sustainable for large numbers of people.

First: Of the book itself, in actuality it was FAR too long. It droned on for just under 400 pages, and it could have been cut in half with no diminishment.

Second: There are also statistical problems: Whenever you conduct research, if you allow people to self-select you will not get truly accurate results. And so that makes me take this whole thing with a grain of salt.

The third problem is that the largest part of the respondents were Modern Orthodox. Actually three times more of them than of blackhat people. (But, in reality, black hat people out number Modern Orthodox by a factor of about 4.)

Verdict: Worth about $5. Not quite worth as much time as it takes for the whole thing, but worth it for the anecdotal evidence.

[Michael Lewyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book's basic insight is common sense: if Orthodox Jews behave more lovingly and are inspirational role models, fewer of their children will go "off the derech" (that is, become less religiously observant). At a more theoretical level, the author suggests that humans are governed by a hierarchy of needs- starting with the most basic physical needs, then emotional needs such as love and security, then "self-actualization" (the broader sense of purpose that religion at its best promotes). She suggests that lower needs take priority over higher needs- that is, when an ideology designed to promote self-actualization (such as religion) interferes with those lower needs, it is more likely to get rejected. For example, if a child living in an Orthodox environment is bullied or made to feel unloved, he or she will associate Orthodoxy with emotional pain, and thus be more likely to reject it if he or she gets older. The author backs up this insight with a great deal of antecdotal evidence, as well as a (not-too-scientific) survey. It seems to me that this insight applies not just to Orthodox Judaism, but to any religion, or even a secular ideology.

Of course, the author's recommendations are easier said than done, for the simple reason that ethical behavior (beyond a bare minimum of noncriminality) can be pretty hard. For example, if child A is doing what you want and child B a bit less so, it may not be that easy to make it clear that child A is doing what you want without antagonizing child B.

[Kressel Housman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of Jewish parents quite like the idea that their kids could go off the derech. Most of us will do anything to prevent it, and if getting informed is the way, I was all for it. The author has done an excellent job of describing the problem, backing it up with real data from the people going through it, and explaining the fault lines in the Jewish world that are allowing it to happen. Though not a parenting book per se, it definitely helped me in creating a more positive Jewish home for my kids.

[Shana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Although it's not an easy or light read, I highly recommend this book. It's taken me a little more than a year to finish it but it's well written and clear. I am in no way an expert but I feel like it covers some of the problems well and I think every Jewish educator should be required to read this.

[Eli Mandel · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't remember being overwhelmed by the insights this book gave.
While the author did interview people who had gone off the derech. For her "experts" she stuck to rabbis and others who work to bring these folks back, she didn't talk to any experts who help these folks leave or stay out.

[Alexis]

Off the Derech: Why Observant Jews Leave Judaism--How to Respond to the Challenge by Faranak Margolese (2005)