Puissance de la douceur

by Anne Dufourmantelle

La douceur est une énigme. Incluse dans un double mouvement d'accueil et de don, elle apparaît à la lisière des passages que naissance et mort signent. Parce qu'elle a ses degrés d'intensité, parce qu'elle a une force symbolique et un pouvoir de transformation sur les êtres et les choses, elle est une puissance.
En écoutant ceux qui viennent me confier leur détresse, je l'ai entendue traverser chaque expérience vécue. En méditant son rapport au monde, il apparaît que son intelligence porte la vie, la sauve et l'accroît.

Genres: Philosophy, Nonfiction, Essays, France, Psychology, Spirituality, Theory

160 pages, Paperback

First published August 21, 2013

About the author

Docteur en philosophie et diplômée de Brown Univesity, Anne Dufourmantelle a enseigné à l’école d’architecture UP6-la Villette, et donné un séminaire à l’Institut des Hautes Etudes en Psychanalyse à l’Ecole normale supérieure. Anne Dufourmantelle meurt le 21 juillet 2017 en tentant de sauver l'enfant d'une amie de la noyade sur une plage du sud de la France.

Reviews

[Marcus Hobson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sometimes a book cover will draw you to something that you might otherwise have missed. This book would be a great example. The cover picture is called ‘Girl Carrying a Bull’ by Vladimir Fokanov. A young naked woman carries the whole weight of a bull on her right shoulder. An image that suggests both gentleness and strength.

Anne Dufourmantelle was a philosopher and psychoanalyst. She died in 2017, although she was only born in 1964. My curiosity forced me into Google to find what had happened to her and I discovered that she drowned trying to save the lives of two children. The events surrounding her death were predicted in her own words just a few years earlier, “When there really is a danger that must be faced in order to survive...there is a strong incentive for action, dedication and surpassing oneself,”. One of the other books that she authored is called In Praise of Risk.

This is a short book of just over one hundred pages, which are divided into thirty-six short chapters. Ideal to dip in and out of.
In the foreword by Catherine Malabou she note that:

It is very rare for a book of philosophy to take the form of the subject matter of which it speaks: becoming substance when it addresses matter, geometry when addresses surface, or even becoming impatient when it addresses time. ‘Power of Gentleness’ achieves this incredible feat of being a gentle book. Of being a book “about” gentleness written “by” gentleness itself – a book where gentleness is simultaneously subject and object.
Gentleness had been allowed to find its own voice, invent it, since, as Anne Dufourmantelle explains with great clarity, gentleness is never given. Which primarily means that it does not exist as philosophical concept. There is no technical definition of it.
…
What then we know at the end if this inexhaustible journey about gentleness is – for that was the question…Well, gentleness is not exactly kindness, it’s not exactly the good, it’s not exactly generosity, it’s not exactly the taste of sugar (sweet), it’s not exactly the quality of velvet, it’s not exactly a low-intensity sound (quiet music, soft pedal), it’s not exactly the clandestine (leaving on the sly). It is all of this simultaneously without being any one of these elements more than the other.

Given all of that, you can see that the task of the book is a near impossible one – to define that which by definition is indefinable.
Dufourmantelle also sets gentleness in the context of the day:

In our day, gentleness is sold to us under its diluted form of mawkishness. By infantilizing it our era denies it. This is how we try to overcome the high demands of its subtlety – no longer by fighting it, but by enfeebling it. Language itself is therefore perverted: what our society intends for human beings that it crushes “gently,” it does in the name of the highest values: happiness, truth, security.

One of the sections deals with language sources, thinks more deeply about meaning as it was intended rather than as it has become:

When we forget etymology it is not merely a question of lack of culture, but a question of relation to the collective memory. It is to be unaware of the misappropriations, the erasures, the substitutions of meaning are also the instruments of political and social censorship. It is not a matter of rehabilitating “pure” language. All purity, as we know, is questionable – this is the first place that perversion will attack. Returning to the way Ancient Greece conceived of and named gentleness, it is the very revelation that a human community maintains with the law, justice, war, but also with the so called values of the “heart” that emerges. And with it, that which we call humanism. For the Greeks, gentleness is the opposite of hubris, the opposite of this excessiveness that takes hold of humans in the throes of what we call today their “drives,” but neither is it moral rigor; no, in a certain way gentleness belongs more to the gods than to humans. Although it is tangible just as much as it is intelligible, it compromises the good without being the good, the relationship without being a relationship, the spiritual without being a divine attribute,…

As the book progresses what I discovered was that it is possible to see gentleness in many different forms and for it to appear in many expressions. Here are just a few expressions from the same page:

Gentleness is a carnal as well as a spiritual quality, an erotic quality, whose intelligence of the other’s desire seeks neither capture nor constraint, but the open play of the full range of perceptions.
Gentleness is a relationship to time…
There can be gentleness in fear…
Gentleness softens skins,…

And so it continues, engaging our thoughts and pushing them to boundaries which we had previously been unaware existed. I enjoyed this short book – it made me thing about something which I thought I understood or could at least define and realise that I could neither completely define or understand it.

[Aslı Can · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ayyy, ismine layık, erimeler erimesi, aynı zamanda ayaklarını yere vura vura buradayım, varım, ve yumuşağım dedirten bir kitap. Hem inanılmaz entellektüel bir okuma potansiyeline sahip, hem de bir portakalı suyunu akıta akıta yeme basitliğinde bir şiir gibi okunabilecek bir kitap. Müthiş edebi, alev alev tutkuyla parlayan bir anlatımı var.

Yumuşaklığın izini hem bebek uykularında, hem de fırtınanın kalbinde, en karanlık gecede ve savaş alanlarında ararken müthiş bir seyir sunuyor Anne Dufourmantelle. Marquies de Sade üzerine okuma yapanlar bilir; tüm kötü şöhretine rağmen Sade, tarihin görüp görebileceği en dürüst ve bu senaryoda -en yumuşak- karakterlerden biridir aynı zamanda. Bu kitap da bu tatta bir yumuşaklığın izini sürüyor aslında. Bize umarsızlığıyla yumuşaklık görünebilecek şiddet edimi ile, zalimce gelebilecek sert bir bakıştaki yumuşaklığı ayırt edecek bilgeliği araştırıyor bana kalırsa bu kitap. Yumuşaklık, bazen bize o kadar tekinsiz gelir ki, kaçıp yorganın altına saklanmak isteriz.
Yumuşaklık içinde, sarmaş dolaş uykulara dalmayı, gerekirse yumuşaklıkla yanmayı, ama her koşulda, her formuyla yumuşaklığı tanımayı ve kucağında uykulara dalmayı öğrenmemiz dileğiyle..

Örtük şekilde ilerleyen gizli figür. Yumuşaklık, hukuk metninden usulca geçip onun tüm yapısını geçersiz kılan anarşist bir fikirdir.

Kitap, girişini şu iddiayla yapıyor:

Peki bu tükenmez yolculuğun sonunda yumuşaklığa dair ne öğreniyoruz? Yumuşaklık tam olarak nezaket değildir; iyilik, cömertlik, şekerin (tatlı) tadı değildir; kadifenin dokusu, sakin bir ses (alçak sesli müzik, piyano) değildir; gizlilik (fark ettirmeden bırakıp gitmek) değildir.

Başta, bu iddiaya çok tutunup kitabın bu iddiayı yerine getirip getiremeyeceğine epey odaklandım ve okurken hep ''evet bu büyük iddia, sanırım kesinlikle yerine getirilemedi'' hissiyle okudum. Kitabı bitirip, cümleye geri döndüğümdeyse, Dufourmantelle'in iddiasını kendine yaraşır biçimde, yumuşakça, sezdirmeden yerine getirdiğini fark ettim.

Yumuşaklığın kendine has bir diyalektiği var. Yok edici bir diyalektik değil, yumuşak olanın karanlığa gömülüp gidebilecek her bir nüansını birbiriyle çarpıştıran bir diyalektik. Eğer okşama, erotik oyunlar, çocuk bedenleri, tüyler, kedilerin karınları.... ince ve yumuşaksa, ölmekte olan bir insanın son nefesini verişi de öyledir. Yaşama veda edişte yumuşaklık vardır; ''kopuşta, tamamen kopma yanılsamasında'', terk edişte, yasta, bırakmada.

[Jan Priddy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes, French philosophy. It is difficult and no matter how slim this book is, difficult and slow to read. There are passages I loved and passages I did not like at all. Mostly, loved. Maybe it should have five stars. Later, if I return to it to reread, I will adjust my rating.

In "Trauma and Creation" Dufourmantelle addresses how douceur (the french word mostly translated as "gentleness" here) might save us from the events that otherwise destroy us.

"And medication only patches up the desire to live, or the heartache, or the professional failure, or the feeling of inadequacy; for nothing can sew up such a wound. Nothing except creation, what opens the wound elsewhere and differently, but on less shifting ground."

The Supreme Court hearings and my country's evaluation of the impact and truth of sexual abuse have left me and many others wounded afresh. This was not a poor choice for now.

The translators worked with the author, who also chose the powerful cover image before her death last year. There is strength and sometimes the power of a poet at work here.

"Leaving trauma behind frees us from the constraints exerted by pain. Convalescence offers a flavor that is in itself a kind of miracle that can only be savored this one time."

Some sentences I could not parse, but enjoyed nonetheless. I could wish to be a native French speaker.

[Y.S. Stephen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Power of Gentleness: Meditations on the Risk of Living is an examination of the nature of kindness as well as its relevance in modern world.

WHO WOULD ENJOY READING IT?
The author's approach to examining kindness is neither overly religious nor philosophical (as I understand it) but anthropological. People with a taste for abstract philosophical thinking combined with tolerance for complex language and thought processes should love this book.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT IT
Kindness is one of those traits that gets dragged in the mud for being more trouble than its worth. There is a perception that being kind opens you up to being scammed, trampled upon, etc. I am happy to see a book that kicks out this view point and defines what kindness is meant to be and what it's not.

WHAT I DO NOT LIKE
Power of Gentleness is translated from French and, though the translators did a good job, I cannot help but think the book flows better in its original language. This English version is not an entertaining read - it is clunky and struggles to convey some of its ideas coherently.

MEMORABLE PASSAGE

"Gentleness incites violence because it doesn’t offer any possible foothold on authority. Dostoyevsky, Melville, Hugo, Flaubert, or the Tolstoy of “Master and Man” utilize it as the elusive force that opposes injustice. So much so that those who embody gentleness are condemned in the eyes of men....

"In the symbolic order as in certain martial arts, gentleness can drive back and defeat evil better than any other response. Nothing can force it or commit others to it. In our day, gentleness is sold to us under its diluted form of mawkishness. By infantilizing it our era denies it. This is how we try to overcome the high demands of its subtlety—no longer by fighting it, but by enfeebling it. Language itself is therefore perverted: what our society intends for the human beings that it crushes 'gently,' it does in the name of the highest values: happiness, truth, security.

"If love and joy have essential affinities with gentleness, is it because childhood holds the enigma? Gentleness shares with childhood a kind of natural community but also a power. It is the secret lining, or where the imaginary joins the real in a space that contains its own secret, making us feel an astonishment from which we can never entirely return."


.......

Power of Gentleness: Meditations on the Risk of Living by Anne Dufourmantelle will be available to buy on all major online book stores around March 2018?

Many thanks to Fordham University Press for review copy.

[Roxane · Rating 4 out of 5]

PUISSANCE DE LA DOUCEUR

Anne Dufourmantelle explore le sujet de la douceur dans toutes ses variations.
À travers les sensations - « pure sensation d’existence », et à travers les personnes, les lieux, les moments qu’elle visite, les choses qu’elle révèle.

« Le raffinement coexiste avec la douceur, notamment dans l’artisanat. C’est la manière dont le bois est sculpté, travaillé, la subtilité d’une couleur, le déroulé d’une courbe dans le baroque tardif. La douceur semble incrustée dans le geste, déposée avec lui dans la matière. Il fallait cinq mille couches de laque pour faire un meuble à la cour royale de Pékin. Il est dit, dans les textes, que le toucher avait la douceur de la pluie et la finesse d’un cheveu d’enfant. » (p. 37)

« La douceur est ce qui retourne l’effraction traumatique en création. […]
Pour approcher, voire guérir d’un trauma, il faut pouvoir aller jusque-là où le corps a été atteint. Il faut coudre une autre peau sur la brûlure de l’événement. » (p. 119)

« La douceur est un rapport émerveillé à la pensée.

Une sensation d’apesanteur que partagent avec elle les cosmonautes, les comètes. La douceur allège la peau d’être peau, elle ne résonne pas, elle se fond, s’enroule autour des lignes du paysage, ne mouille rien, donne de l’espace aux choses, enlève leur poids aux ombres.

L’angoisse vient dans le corps lorsqu’il est déserté par la douceur. » (p. 129)

« La douceur est un calme. Elle irradie au cœur de l’ouragan, témoin des forces déchaînées mais elle-même intouchée. Le calme est une puissance suprême. » (p. 130)

[Necdet Yücel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Çok boş vakti olanlar için

[Tiffany Foth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This author was very very Freudian, but good nonetheless. I’ll think about this for a long time I think.

[Paul Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

THE ORIGINAL FRENCH version of this book, Puissance de la douceur, was published in 2013; when this translation appeared in 2018, Dufourmantelle, only 54, had already died. Cancer or car accident, I guessed, but it turns out she died while trying to save two children from drowning in the Mediterranean. How many philosophers, or intellectuals in general, have died trying to save another's life? It's a short list, I expect.

Power of Gentleness reminded me of Sianne Ngai's Our Aesthetic Categories. The history of aesthetics largely involves philosophers wrestling with what "beauty" is, or "the sublime," but Ngai upended things and started new conversations by trying to understand the "cute," the "interesting," the "zany." Similarly, while many philosophers have thought about power and duty and necessity, Dufourmantelle started a new conversation by taking up "gentleness." Or douceur--her translators point out in a prefatory note that the French word covers a different semantic landscape than the English word does, as douceur can refer to sweetness and softness as well as mildness or tenderness.

The book is in thirty-six chapters, short essays of two or three pages--the whole book is scarcely over a hundred pages in the Fordham University press edition--all working through the apparent paradox of the title. We tend to associate power with force, but refraining from force also makes things happen. Dufourmantelle makes some unsurprising points along these lines--for instance, about Tolstoy and Gandhi--but also some very surprising ones--for instance, about animals: "So close to animality that it sometimes merges with it, gentleness is experienced to the point of making possible the hypothesis of an instinct that it would call its own." A strange idea--nature, red in tooth and claw, has a gentleness instinct? But we do see animals being gentle with each other, and where does that come from? Not from having taken an ethics course.

Dufourmantelle offers some important caveats. Gentleness ought not to be confused with "mawkishness," and we should keep in mind that it can be "bastardized into silliness." She notes that "gentleness does not belong only to the good." But we need what it makes possible, as she particularly emphasizes in the section "Justice and Forgiveness" and the final section, "A Gentle Revolution."

I was especially struck by this, in the section titled "Childhood": "We would not survive childhood without gentleness because everything about childhood is so exposed, hyperacute, in a way violent and raw, that gentleness is its absolute prerequisite."

[Sara S · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this, and it was a quick read. But I really wanted more from it. Whether that was simply a deeper dive, a criticism of other philosophies, etc. However, for its length, it was a great read and a new perspective on what strength is and how to live life.

[Anna Amelie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sweet little book, a linguistic study of the word “douceur” and due to choice of references very contained and Eurocentric. Wish there were less philosophic loose sentences and more concrete examples, reads more like a diary entry. Reread in French would be worth it

[Virginia del Río · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has carried me, made it more liveable for me while the Genocide over Gaza is happening as we watch.
I wanted to find a book that helped me understand how such a thing is possible, and somehow ended up finding the opposite. Thanks, Anne, wherever you are!

[Emma Sullivan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m currently reading Dufourmantelle’s “In Praise of Risk” from a beautiful recommendation in Emma Bailey’s substack. I’m really enjoying that and this is a shorter book so I wanted to round out my readings of her works translated into English. I would still absolutely recommend it, but it reminded me of what frustrated me about philosophy texts in college.

Sometimes, a piece of literature was mentioned offhand and I wanted that tangent to branch off and it never did. This is a great book for the moment about nonviolent resistance, how a gentle response to violence can incur greater violence, and meditations on the shock of childhood, and the impression and actuality of surveillance. It was reminiscent of my favorite arguments by Donna Haraway. There were some especially beautiful lines and phrases, like “the beings who lavish gentleness are suffused with it like a fever that contaminated their interlocutors far from their usual territories.” Woah!

I think the value of this book will grow over time for me, and Emma Bailey said that it’s not as much about understanding as it is letting the ideas start to enter your brain without your conscience recognition. So, even if it went over my head or jumped around, I trust that it is working away up there until I come back to it.

Picked it up at Shakespeare and Co 🤪 we ruminated on how weird that place is at the workshop the next day. 500% more tote bags sold than books each day, but eslite in Taiwan had no English books that I could find so this was a still a win!

[Mélanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Vertue souvent délaissée dans un monde qui ne jure que par la performance, Anne Dufourmantelle nous (ré)introduit à la douceur. Frôlant avec la poésie, elle nous incite à nous pencher vers le beau, en travaillant à la mise en pratique d'un regard d'acceptation et de bienveillance.
Un livre en accord parfait avec son titre, un livre d'une grande douceur.

[Mery · Rating 2 out of 5]

Algunas ideas son muy interesantes, pero (además que la traducción al inglés deja mucho que desear) he notado mucha falta de fluidez y de profundidad, como si fuesen todo bocetos o apuntes previos. Tal vez leerlo en francés sea una experiencia completamente diferente.

[M · Rating 5 out of 5]

Naive and daring effort, brilliant.

[Anıl İyidoğan]

"Bazen nesillerce sürdürülmüş yalanlardan kaçmak için delirir insan."

[Caro Mouat]

“Para acercarse al trauma, hasta para curarlo, hay que poder ir ahí donde el cuerpo fue alcanzado. Hay que coser otra piel sobre la quemadura del acontecimiento. Fabricar un envoltorio protector ad minima sin el cual ninguna liberación es posible, ya que de otro modo se volverá una obsesión en la vida del individuo. La dulzura es una de las condiciones de esta reconstrucción”.

[Marfi · Rating 5 out of 5]

De loin le plus beau livre de philosophie que j'ai lu. Il est question de la douceur dans tous les endroits où celle-ci peut se trouver.
Je l'ai trouvé éclairant a ce point sur tant d'aspects que mon corps s'est senti littéralement enveloppé d'une fourrure a sa taille et pour toujours. Il a renforcé une conviction profonde et mis en mot un rapport au monde et aux autres qui ne m'avait jusqu'alors jamais paru aussi évident.

Je n'avais jamais surligné un livre avec des crayons de couleur. Ce sont de loin les meilleures heures de mon été que j'ai passées avec ce livre. Aussi doux qu'un doudou.

[Zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Life places gentleness within us originally. We would think to grasp it from the source—a child sleeping soundly, the sweet taste of its mother’s breast milk, voices that soothe, chant, caress—we guess it to be elsewhere, in the movement of an animal, the rise of darkness in the summer, the truce of a battle, the meeting of a gaze. We recognize it from the bedside of the dying, their gaze that calmly passes through their feverless agony, but even there it won’t let itself be grasped. It comes to calm the fever of lovers and to oppose the executioner with a final breath, against which he can do nothing.” -p.8

“So close to animality that it sometimes mergers with it, gentleness is experienced to the point of making possible the hypothesis of an instinct that it would call its own. It would be the trait of a primal ‘gentleness drive’ of protection, of compassion—even of goodness itself. An instinct closest to the being that would be devoted not only to self-preservation but also relationships.” -p.11

“Is gentleness sufficient to heal? It equips itself with no power, no knowledge. Embracing the other’s vulnerability means that the subjects cannot avoid recognizing his own fragility. This acceptance is a force; it makes gentleness a higher degree of compassion than simple care. To empathize, to ‘suffer with’ is to experience with the other what he feels, without giving in to it. It means being able to open yourself up to others, their grief or suffering, and to contain that pain by carrying it elsewhere.” -p.13

“Gentleness is primarily an intelligence, one that carries life, that saves and enhances it. Because it demonstrates a relationship to the world that sublimates astonishment, possible violence, capture, and pure compliance out of fear, it may alter everything and every being. It is an understanding of the relationship with the other, and tenderness is the epitome of this relationship.” -p.14

“Being gentle with objects and beings means understanding them in their insufficiency, their precariousness, their immaturity, their stupidity. It means not wanting to add to suffering, to exclusion, to cruelty and inventing space for a sensitive humanity, for a relation to the other that accepts his weakness or how he could disappoint us. And this profound understanding engages a truth.” -p.15

“Svadhishthana is the name of the second chakra or sacral chakra. In Sanskrit it signifies ‘gentleness’; its element is water and its sense, taste. It is situated above the sexual organs. On a physical level, it acts upon the genitals, the sacrum. On an emotional level, the appetite, sexuality, consciousness of self, creativity, procreation, joie de vivre—or, once it is fulfilled: jealousy, guilt, dependency. That is the chakra of our genetic inheritance. Here gentleness is just as spiritual as it is carnal. The Eastern world has everything to teach us about a certain relationship to gentleness without sentimentality. In a civilization where Eros was not stigmatized, there was no rivalry between moral courage and self-denying behavior. Gentleness was neither infantilized nor politicized; it was first an art of refinement.” -p.37

“We must recognize the central role that Chinese culture gives to transitions, to invisible germinations, and to sentient life. In the West changes are recognized according to the criterion of events, which are quickly categorized. We are blind to the imperceptible. In a culture of results, the discontinuous is a mirage. Yet in each instant everything changes. But how has this happened? Do we still perceive the moment of the event when we linger over every detail of an emerging process? Gentleness is cut from the same cloth because it is not perceivable categorically, but only existentially. As sensation and as passage, or as power of metamorphosis.“ -p.38

“Gentleness is a formidable ethic because it has made a pact with the truth. It cannot betray unless it is falsified. The threat of death itself is not enough to ward it off. Gentleness is political. It does not bend; it grants no prolonging, no excuse. It is a verb: we perform acts of gentleness. It aligns with the present and concerns all the possibilities of the human. From animality it takes instinct; from childhood, enigma; from prayer, calming; from nature, unpredictability; from light, light.” -p.47

“Most often this ‘pure’ gentleness finds its source in the areas of trauma. ‘Pure’ gentleness cannot access what Freud defines as constitutive hatred of the subject, which normally gives the baby the strength it needs to access language and to differentiate itself from the parental sphere. For if aggression is the divisive instance, it also allows survival, lest everything return to the same dead end. Gentleness, like foolishness, doesn’t speak well.” -p.52

“We cannot possess gentleness. We offer it hospitality. It is there, as discreet and necessary and vital as a heartbeat. Its carnal power goes from sensuousness to the lightest pressure of the hand; it is thought when it touches and touched when it is intelligence.“ -p.55

“Its power distills itself in the senses. It is erotic in all possible ways. Because the intention containing it is a taming of savagery of humors and body that also allows for the negative, shadow and darkness are part of the states of the desiring body. No gentleness without desire transmuting itself into caress, into play, and not bending itself upon possession.” -p.56

“In today’s age, it has become intolerable to ‘withdraw ourselves,’ or else this withdrawal must be announced, scheduled, and registered. The secret garden is identified by a sign, which means that it is no longer secret. Gentleness is in this withdrawal, which is accompanied by its secondary virtues: tact, subtlety, reserve, discretion. To not show ourselves, to set ourselves aside, and to guard ourselves are crowned by the last mystery that allows thinking, a suspension of identity.” -p.59

“Gentleness is what turns traumatic intrusion into creation. It is what, during the haunted night, offers light; during mourning, a beloved face; during the collapse of exile, the promise of a shore on which to stand. So this is how light enters, making a stronger imprint than the desire to return, stronger than the lost object of melancholy or renunciation.” -p.85

“Gentleness comes into the garden by night. Darkness, like blindness, reveals touch. Where the hand becomes entirely thinking, gentleness begins there too, secretly.” -p.89

“A perfume, an instant. A bathroom cupboard left ajar by a curious child. A bottle knocked over. Cinnamon, Amber, and something else; no one is unaffected by such a memory. You think of all the possible lives suddenly made present by a smell. Round, tender. It restores the contour to things, since they only exist through this colorless density. All at once, a perfume evoking a skin, an atmosphere, freeing in the memory what moves through us but doesn’t belong to us.” -p.92

“Gentleness is calm. It radiates from the eye of the storm, witnessing its unchained forces and remaining untouched itself. Calm is a supreme power.” -p.93

“The sweet life [douceur de vivre] left its mark on the Renaissance and found its apogee in the eighteenth century with the art of conversation, the sharing of ideas, the secret of carnal celebration, the desire for liberty. It was a way of thinking about the world, being friendly with the erotic and theorized body; this was an art of the garden, of architecture, of light. Wonder was not only a fantasy, but also a way of experiencing reality.” -p.101

”Gentleness is a return to self that invents future in the image of the spiral. An open revolution. It is a ‘repetition’ in the sense intended by Kierkegaard: reviving the past with a view to a possible opening to the unexpected. If one believes in working with the unconscious, returning to self is not merely remembering. Because memory concerns a past self that no longer exists in the form of a still indeterminate present self. The repetition will be, like the Nietzschean amor fati, a consented return to the past that, by this acquiescence, would find the extent of its secret power. To understand or hear oneself is not without effect. Gentleness is one of the names of this reconciliation with what has been repressed, exiled in the past and therefore ‘repeated’ with indulgence and the courage that it takes to admit that we were there, in conscience.” -p.104

—————————

8.5/10. Poetic philosophizing on an abstract idea that is hard to define or grasp. More concrete examples to crystallize the abstractions would have greatly strengthen this book. The ending anecdote (of a soldier demonstrating gentleness to an enemy) left a stronger imprint than the theorizing.

[Ben Rosen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was really hopeful about this book, but I've honestly never read a book I understood so little. The prose was beautiful, and that kept me in it, but I felt like I was reading something in another language, and retained hardly anything. Was it the translation, or was this just way over my head? No idea.

A few examples:

"Gentleness is at times a decantation that requires in its essence an immense amount of accumulated, contained, and sublimated energy until it becomes immaterial. In this it may be an activation of the sensitive within the intelligible. Without it, would there be a possible passage between these orders?"

"Tact, the intelligence of touch, is an accelerator of life that halts madness. During psychotic episodes gentleness is frightening. It is the mortal disparity between the real and its shadow projected within the psyche. Each sensation foretells a possible danger."

Beautifully smart sounding...and also...whaaaaa???

[meesh · Rating 3 out of 5]

while i appreciate pushing back on the ascetic nature of many modern cultures that prioritize production and profitability this book ignored (in some parts, less in others) certain nuances of certain cultures and religious practices, and distilled their tenants to fit the authors own narrative of gentleness. which admittedly was contaminated by a lot of contradictions made throughout the essays. while i understand the nature of many philosophies is to question the self and take into account contradictions of one’s own philosophical interpretations, i felt as though the author wasn’t thorough in examining these inconsistencies. maybe i just don’t get philosophy and find it confusing and egotistical. this book offered some poetic insights and examinations on gentleness that i did appreciate, but didn’t quite hit the mark on making a concise, compelling, and coherent argument. whatever

[Anthony O'Connor · Rating 3 out of 5]

a gush of words

A gush of words beautiful enough even in translation, and some nudity on the cover. Always increases sales. But it all went over my head. I can’t really make a meaningful comment except - sure, be gentle, why not, but carry a big stick also because there are a lot of assholes out there.

[Fatma Kızıl · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Başkasının kırılganlığını kucaklamak, öznelerin kendi kırılganlıklarından kaçamayacaklarının farkına varmaları anlamına gelir. Bu kabul bir kuvvettir.”

AVarlıklara ve şeylere karşı yumuşak olmak onları kendi yetersizliklerinde anlamak demektir; tehlikeye açık oluşlarında, körpeliklerinde, ahmaklıklarında.”

“Neşe, yumuşaklığın isimlerinden biridir.”

[Philippe · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book didn't work for me. Qua style and subject it leans towards the thinking of François Jullien (whose Silent Transformations is explicitly referenced here). However, it misses the cogency of the original. In the end it says all and nothing about the power of gentleness.

[Xavier Alexandre · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is more poetry than philosophy, I gave up trying to extract meaning from some sentences. I advise reading it in French, the English translation does not do it justice.

[Hyder A. Syed · Rating 1 out of 5]

It's just author's personal opinion about what gentleness is and how it affects the world. It does not have scientific evidence to support his views.

[Laetitia Desmons · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved it.. being human with gestures, listening, kisses

[MZ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Power of Gentleness was very artistic, resplendent with beautiful prose, and full of insight, however, I couldn't help but feel that hefty chunks were just very well-written drivel. I kind of want to give three stars--I don't find that a complete or sensible argument was made here. The premise of this was more riveting than the actual content.

There were various passages that were delightful, though. Some excerpts I highlighted:

“In our day, gentleness is sold to us under its diluted form of mawkishness. By infantilizing it our era denies it. ”

“The horse may be guided, trained, bridled, whipped, but it will accommodate the rider only if the latter knows how to gently find the lightness of hand and the movement that will adjust to the stride of the animal. There is in the equestrian an art of gentleness like no other.”

“Gentleness is also divided in two by bodies of socioeconomic control. On the carnal side, it is bastardized into silliness. On the spiritual side, into New Age potion and other methods competing to make us believe that it is enough to believe in them in order for everything to work”

“Forgiveness is a violent act. It promises to set right time itself.”

“Melting snow is one example: how do we define it?"

“Counterfeits emerged with increasing speed, giving rise to a kind of culture made of predigested, prefabricated “love,” full of clichés”

“In fact, without any opportunity for the individual to cross over to its opposite, does gentleness remain a choice?”

“To attack gentleness is an unnamed crime that our era often commits in the name of its divinities: efficiency, speed, profitability.”

“The infinitesimal progression from love to hatred: how does one become an executioner?”

“In this river of a voice that carries suffering and affliction, there are unknown, forgotten passages, these are the passages that dreams follow in order to reach us, these are the passages that are ravished by vision and haunted by insomnia.”

“Gentleness is what turns traumatic intrusion into creation. It is what, during the haunted night, offers light; during mourning, a beloved face; during the collapse of exile, the promise of a shore on which to stand. So this is how light enters, making a stronger imprint than the desire to return, stronger than the lost object of melancholy or renunciation.”

“Eroticism is the invention of a music that was never practiced. In eroticism what belongs to ritual, to litany is paradoxically clandestine. There is gentleness in this repeated taming of savagery, of biting, sometimes of brutality, even when it is desired. In itself the ritual expresses a form of secret recognition, tacit and free.”

“Gentleness belongs to childhood; it is its secret name. The pleasure that the child discovers, exploring and tasting, is an experience of the world that will be the reservoir of his secret attachments.”

^^^^^^^^^

As evidenced, the writing was incredibly lyrical, but concepts were then explained into what was essentially nonsense; they began to trip over themselves.

[Adaugo Orma · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's crazy to think that it took me nearly two years to finish such a short book.

Power of Gentleness reads like a long poem. Especially in her chapters titled "The Sensory Celebration", Dufourmantelle's words read like those quiet, slow scenes in film that force you to take a look at the scenery. It's because of this that I spent of lot of time daydreaming about her words instead of continuing to read them. The highlights I have my copy are endless.

My only gripes with this book is that it sometimes feels like a long ramble in which the conclusion is circular. I suspect it may have to do with this book being translated from French to English. Translations can sometimes lack in conveying exact meaning.

Dufourmantelle forces you to expand your understanding gentleness. By the end I went from seeing gentleness as just a descriptor but to an almost physical force in my life with many faces. On the topic of taking care [of others] she writes about how those who take care of premature babies know the power of gentleness and then she later asks "is gentleness sufficient to heal?" That whole passage was so profound to me because it left me with the idea that maybe it is not only the medicine itself that heals the patient, but also the gentleness in which the caregiver may administer it.
In a later chapter, the author says that the lack of gentleness is endemic and it has created a form of isolation as potent as a curse. After reading and understanding what Dufourmantelle defines as gentleness, its lack in the world becomes obvious. How fast-paced we are, how hyper-independent and individualistic we are, how unempathetic we've become. Gentleness, like vulnerability, requires one to wear their heart on their sleeve. However, the benefit to this risk is that it tells the people around us that we are open to community, to love, and to care. I believe this is the risk of living she writes about.

As with the rest of her philosophical writing, Anne Dufourmantelle emphasizes the necessity of risk and danger in our lifetimes and it's something I am continuously trying to implement in my own philosophy. Great book, don't read it in one sitting.

Rest in Peace Dufourmantelle.

[Sarah Ahmad · Rating 5 out of 5]

i really took my time with this very short book because the topic at hand was so delicate to analyze, linguistically, morally, egoistically, as Dufourmantelle demonstrates. i love how she weaves antiquity and literature and politics and psychoanalysis to analyze gentleness and condemn meekness (the trait i hate most in this world) and illuminate strength. i also found it interesting that she highlights how mainstream Christian philosophy almost corrupted the way we view gentleness in the West, as some sacrificial or redemptive action, when gentleness towards humanity, towards creation i think, is veneration of God. going off on tangent on my own scruples and coming up against walls when it comes to Christian thought… anyways, i really like how she asserts that gentleness is an act of creation, an anarchic thing that’s been the victim of rules and rigidity overtime, a true departure from depression, a commitment to living, a desire to exist in this ephemeral space… “Gentleness can come when traumatic pain ceases. This return to the freedom of a non violated body and to healthy words is already a creation. It rediscovers primitive sensations from the origin of desire, and perhaps also the origin of time.” and “It is not always sweet to live. But the sensation of being alive calls upon gentleness.” haven’t had a goodreads ramble in a while but i think this moved me very, very much.