Time for a real come-to-Jesus meeting, 'Merica. We got a forking nightmare scenario on our hands, and that's a fact. Seems there's a palpable evil sneaking its way into our small towns, right under very our noses. Specially if said town has ... ahem ... a college. And to think, this furtive, foul, secret state of affairs started WAY before that accursed bastion of evil known as the Internet. Did I say secret? Well, honestly, it's not so secret for Christians who have eyes to see, ears to hear, and lips to pray. No siree, Bob. In Ashton, the young folk'll come right up and tell you they're into indescribable witchcraft and sorcery and drugs and sex and Satanic rituals, if you only ask them! You know, they do it right down there at that den-of-sin video arcade where they hang out. And if just one of the saints of God were to lay hands on them and say the magic words, "In Jesus' name I bind thee, spirit, to leave this poor body," well! The exit may be bumpy, but that demon'll be up and banished. Problem solved! It's not rocket science, see? The saved young soul will look up at you with kindergarten-era earnestness, thank you from the bottom of their liberated hearts, and just love Jesus. Then they'll join the church, where they'll be welcomed with loving arms, no questions asked! And that's how real Christians win. See, real Christians — who are humans and can’t help but sin, sometimes see angels, solemnly believe in demonic possession, and give powerful prayer cover to the battle between good and evil waging in their very streets — are the kindest, most accepting, most tolerant, and diverse people in all the world! Liberals, now, watch out for them. These unbelievers are the rigid ones! They busily abandon their God-given empathy, give away their diversity, and enslave themselves to a single, centralized, evil, mindless group-think. Yep. It's a one-way ticket to authoritarian rule — by none other than SATAN, folks! Good gravy. The one quaint detail in this book is that the town's newspaperman — a journalist! — is one of the good guys. Fancy there being a “good” enemy of the people, people! Anyhoo. He and this poor, nutty, powerful young pastor do more exorcisms than The Exorcist, while keeping things considerably cleaner, and with significantly less harm to his person. So. The richie-rich church and bigwigs of the town all fall to evil, yes, as do poor, pleasure-seeking tweens and teens at the video arcade, but also? Those twenty-somethings who get tangled up with new-fangled ideas at college. Beware wealth, beware poverty — and beware the college-educated, my friends! Thinking too much leads to questioning and confusion — and pretty soon, to trance-states and demonic possession, y'all! Oh, and what do these very real, very evil demons love most of all to do in the little town of Ashton? Well, I'll tell you. It's to possess pliable young women, spurring them to accuse good men of rape. RAPE, mind you! Yes, and of course, luring those men to stick their bits where they don't belong outside the holy bonds of matrimony. But that's old school. A tale as old as time. Rape raps are the modern-day innovation, don't you know? Wouldn't fly in the old days, when if you did get raped, that was just a Tuesday night! Nothing to write home about. Ammiright? But to get back to the issue, here. The bum rape rap is just one more way Satan attempts to ruin reputations and run all the good men out of your town! So. If any old gal up and says she's been raped, the right CHRISTIAN thing to do is to realize she's a liar in Satan's service, and give prayer cover to her rapist right away. Because prayer is powerful, and when we praise the Lord, there's simply no rapist we can't save. O to the M to the Gee whiz, my fellow Americans! Not merely bad, but actually insidious, I do not lie when I confess this to be the worst book I've ever, ever read. Why did I read it? Because it's on the PBS Great American Reads list — let that sink in a minute. Ya, it's a best seller here in our great nation! Holy headsmack, indeed. And BTW? I say fans of this bullshirt can go fork themselves.