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Middle School Makeover
Middle School Makeover is a guide for parents and educators to help the tweens in their lives navigate the socially fraught hallways, gyms, and cafeterias of middle school. The book helps parents, teachers, and other adults in middle school settings to understand the social dilemmas and other issues that kids today face. Author Michelle Icard covers a large range of topics, beginning with helping us understand what is happening in the brains of tweens and how these neurological development affects decision-making and questions around identity. She also addresses social media, dating, and peer exclusion. Using both recent research and her personal, extensive experience working with middle-school-aged kids and their parents, Icard offers readers concrete and practical advice for guiding children through this chaotic developmental stage while also building their confidence.
200 pages, Paperback
First published May 13, 2014
83 people are currently reading
882 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 106 reviews
May 23, 2016
In my attempt to raise a tween who attends middle school WITH ME every day, I have read several parenting/self-help/survival books. So far, this has been my favorite. Michelle Icard is from Charlotte, NC, has a web presence with both her own blog and FaceBook page, and in general makes a lot of sense. She helped me understand that my twelve-year-old daughter really does not hate me, but if she doesn't pretend to (or even think so) she will never develop her own "selfness" (my word, not Michelle's) and may end up living with me forever. This really put things in perspective for me really fast. Admittedly, I'm being a little silly about Michelle's book, which is really incredible, but her advice is so clear, easy to read, and actually useful that I can't help but feel like I was talking to a good friend who had been to tween war and lived to tell about it. From Michelle, I learned that my daughter often thinks I'm angry because this age group is notoriously terrible at reading facial expressions (that aren't selfies, that is) so they always think you're mad, no matter what you actually feel. Therefore, the solution is "Botox Brow". Don't schedule an appointment with a plastic surgeon, just read the book and you'll learn more about the power of the "Brow". Michelle also addresses several concerns many parents of children this age have from budding sexuality, to clothing wars, to frenemies, to bullying (even when your kid is the bully). She also provides a wonderful step-by-step process to help you as a parent help your little darling with prefrontal cortex issues deal with problem solving without making them helpless or depriving them of the delights of finding their own solutions in life. Reading this book won't solve all your problems because each child is unique, but it will help you find a safe middle ground for yourself in the hormone laden battle field that is middle school. I highly recommend this book to parents, teachers, and anyone else dealing with this age group. I have put much of what I read here into practice and have to say the tension in my household has definitely dropped down several DEFCON levels. I've even received a few extra hugs, and that's more than worth the effort!
May 30, 2014
I generally do not read parenting advice books; however, this was on the "new" shelf at my library and, since I have a daughter going into middle school next year who has started growling at me, sleeping a lot, etc., I figured I'd give it a read.
The good stuff: the author's advice to maintain at "Botox Brow" (i.e, neutral expression) regardless of what your child says is an excellent tip (although she didn't need to devote an entire chapter and repeated mentions to it throughout the book). Also important to keep in mind during all interactions: teenagers are governed by the emotional, rather than logical, part of their brain.
The not-as-good stuff: the subtitle of this book--Improving the Way You and Your Child Experience the Middle School Years--is telling. Note that the author's "you" reference comes before the child's, which is the problem with this book. As many of us did, the author obviously had a tough time during middle school, and her parents appear to have been disengaged. I often felt like this book was the author's attempt to re-live her own middle school years through an adult/experience lens, and that, while some of her advice might seem sound from a purely parenting viewpoint, it's way too helicopterish and/or silly from a child's standpoint.
For example: reading each and every one of your child's Instagram posts? Are you kidding me? And interacting with your child on social media? My kid would never speak to me again and, quite frankly, I don't want to smiley face when my kids and her friends are gushing about Katy Perry. Do I talk to my kids about social media and its benefits/dangers? You bet I do. Do I stay involved at their schools, know their friends and the parents of their friends, and let them know that many eyes are watching? Yes, I do. But she's the one in middle school, not me.
The good stuff: the author's advice to maintain at "Botox Brow" (i.e, neutral expression) regardless of what your child says is an excellent tip (although she didn't need to devote an entire chapter and repeated mentions to it throughout the book). Also important to keep in mind during all interactions: teenagers are governed by the emotional, rather than logical, part of their brain.
The not-as-good stuff: the subtitle of this book--Improving the Way You and Your Child Experience the Middle School Years--is telling. Note that the author's "you" reference comes before the child's, which is the problem with this book. As many of us did, the author obviously had a tough time during middle school, and her parents appear to have been disengaged. I often felt like this book was the author's attempt to re-live her own middle school years through an adult/experience lens, and that, while some of her advice might seem sound from a purely parenting viewpoint, it's way too helicopterish and/or silly from a child's standpoint.
For example: reading each and every one of your child's Instagram posts? Are you kidding me? And interacting with your child on social media? My kid would never speak to me again and, quite frankly, I don't want to smiley face when my kids and her friends are gushing about Katy Perry. Do I talk to my kids about social media and its benefits/dangers? You bet I do. Do I stay involved at their schools, know their friends and the parents of their friends, and let them know that many eyes are watching? Yes, I do. But she's the one in middle school, not me.
August 6, 2014
Some good ideas that I will want to remember to try to help my daughter. However, I had a HUGE problem with the social networking chapter--my daughter does not have any social networking accounts BECAUSE SHE IS NOT OLD ENOUGH TO JOIN ACCORDING TO ALL OF THEIR TERMS OF SERVICE. Nowhere in that chapter does it mention that all of these sites insist that you are 13 or older. I would like to have seen that addressed--"I'm the only person who doesn't have an Instagram account" is not always because I don't want her to have one, but because I don't want to teach her that it's OK to break the rules.
And if I'm not mistaken, the entire last chapter was about how the parents can improve their lives? Plastic surgery? What?? Actually, the more I think about it, the less I liked it. My review just went down two stars.
And if I'm not mistaken, the entire last chapter was about how the parents can improve their lives? Plastic surgery? What?? Actually, the more I think about it, the less I liked it. My review just went down two stars.
August 5, 2016
I thought it was a very good perspective on my kid's brain and why certain things happen. Life is frustrating at this age. I remember! Now I can feel more empathetic to my child, and more helpful than hurtful. The "solutions to problems" section (2nd half) was good but I found the First part more interesting. I think this is a helpful read, and very quick too. I would recommend this to other Middle School Parents.
August 30, 2021
This definitely had several good tips for me to use now that my daughter has started middle school. It also made me realize I have been doing a few things I probably shouldn’t! I love the easily readable format of this book. Perfect for a busy lifestyle, it’s a slim volume that doesn’t feel too overwhelming, but still full of good information. Definitely recommend if you’re stressing about your child starting middle school.
May 14, 2020
Excellent resource! I have referred to it often. I also recommend doing what the author suggests. Sit your teen down and explain their brain to them. This initial conversation has been a great diffuser of potential arguments.
July 23, 2022
Some strong and useful takeaways. Was distracted at points by some of the gender stereotypes—no reference to same sex relationships, dress standards discussed for girls only, boy section fixated on sports. Maybe it’s a reflection of when it was written (2014).
May 14, 2014
More reviews (and no fluff) on the blog http://surrealtalvi.wordpress.com/
Middle School Makeover strikes several important balances that ultimately would have otherwise dulled the efficacy of the information. It is both easy to read and follow/quick read yet also extremely informative. It provides both general information on your child's development (how the brain is changing, why they are behaving as they are) but also very specific information on how to deal with the most common problems middle schoolers face. It is friendly and personal yet the ideas feel very universal and applicable. There is a lot of technical information (with appropriate citing of resources) and yet the information never overwhelms.
The Middle School years are those starting around 6th grade and up to high school. But those with younger kids, 4-6th grade, will find this very useful in preparing how to handle the upcoming tween years. A lot of the advice in the book is also very suitable for high school kids as well.
The book is broken down into three parts. The first 1/3 discusses why tweens change, how their brains are developing, and why they act/react as they do. There is a lot of information, some technical, but the author does an excellent job of making that information accessible without dumbing it down too much. The next 1/3 goes over specific situations and how to handle them: being bullied, being the bully, social integration or ostracization, technology (cell phones, internet aps, Instagram, etc.), giving them independence vs keeping them safe, etc. The author uses both specific examples (e.g., a frenemy at school telling your daughter her shirt is ugly) but also shows how there is a universal truth in each of the approaches that makes them applicable to a lot of different situations. The last part discusses how parents can makeover themselves to be better prepared for the middle school years.
At heart, this book is about how parents can react so they don't shut their child down from communicating to them and how to help kids deal with developing identity, emotions, and decision making/growing independence.
To read this from cover to cover took all of two hours. Yet there is quite a bit packed into the book as well. The author resists overstating or repeating the key concepts to make the book easier to read. Having specific tween school situations in the back makes this a good 'go-to' reference book (e.g., when tweens want to know about specific sexual situations talked about at school).
In all, I am very glad to have read this book in preparation for my 11 year old becoming a teen. I learned quite a bit and will continue to reference this book in years to come.
Reviewed from an ARC.
November 4, 2015
I discovered this book after we were well into middle school (which goes by in a flash, by the way). It is a book I wish I had read while dear daughter was in the fourth or fifth grade. Middle School Makeover is an easy read with lots of practical advice. Michelle Icard does not bog down the reader with lots of dry reports or statistics but she does give the distinct impression that she is an expert on the middle school years. I found her approach to be very common-sensical and something that I reviewed over and over. I never did master the "Botox Brow" but the reminder of a dispassionate approach serves me well still. I recommend this book to any parent with a soon-to-be middle schooler.
October 12, 2015
Interesting to understand the physiological changes occurring in the brains of middle schoolers and how that relates to their behavior. Will be helpful as a reference as certain situations arise.
July 11, 2016
Just getting ready. Ugh.
January 19, 2020
If possible, read this before your children are in middle school. It's funny, positive, realistic and oh so helpful.
June 4, 2022
This is truly a “must read” for middle school parents!
August 31, 2025
This book had some helpful notes about navigating communication with pre and early teens, and some good info about brain development during those years (which I'd read about elsewhere but was glad to see reiterated here), but I found it read as very heteronormative (e.g., dating and middle schoolers--no mention of any LGBTQ topics and how LGBTQ middle schoolers might need support). It's also very much written for middle class families--the struggles the author highlights don't reflect the additional concerns parents and children in working class families may have.
The book itself is addressed to parents but as a reader, I felt like it was primarily addressed to moms rather than including dads in the conversation. There's a section at the end about the transition many parents may be going through just as their kids hit this age that ended up including several pages on plastic surgery and how choosing that as a way of navigating aging may affect your middle schooler's body image, which baffled me a little since that doesn't seem all that common in the circles I'm in (although good to know it can be detrimental to your kids' body image to see you as discontent with your own body image, though I definitely knew that after years of watching my mom diet).
I'm mostly so-so on this book. Some of it's helpful, some of it is more focused on authority/punishment than I'm comfortable with as a parent, and some of it seemed irrelevant.
The book itself is addressed to parents but as a reader, I felt like it was primarily addressed to moms rather than including dads in the conversation. There's a section at the end about the transition many parents may be going through just as their kids hit this age that ended up including several pages on plastic surgery and how choosing that as a way of navigating aging may affect your middle schooler's body image, which baffled me a little since that doesn't seem all that common in the circles I'm in (although good to know it can be detrimental to your kids' body image to see you as discontent with your own body image, though I definitely knew that after years of watching my mom diet).
I'm mostly so-so on this book. Some of it's helpful, some of it is more focused on authority/punishment than I'm comfortable with as a parent, and some of it seemed irrelevant.
October 2, 2022
This was a fun, short read. Lots of ideas for staying connected to your younger teenager and helping them have a better experience during their middle school years.
I particularly liked her sections on:
--training your child to problem-solve
--emotionless reactions
--boys losing coming-of-age markers in our society; the need for 'quests'
--using your village to keep communication open (i.e. your kid may stop talking to you, but they will talk with other trusted adults)
--brain formation & dumb choices. (teens can foresee the consequences, but social rewards temporarily outweigh bad consequences)
--allowing healthy risk-taking (to lessen harmful risk-taking later)
--section on social media (I may not follow everything she does, but she had some helpful ideas, and it's nice to gather data on the topic!)
As with all books like this, I didn't agree with everything, but it was a great pep-talk, and had lots of encouraging, real-life ideas. I'd recommend it.
I particularly liked her sections on:
--training your child to problem-solve
--emotionless reactions
--boys losing coming-of-age markers in our society; the need for 'quests'
--using your village to keep communication open (i.e. your kid may stop talking to you, but they will talk with other trusted adults)
--brain formation & dumb choices. (teens can foresee the consequences, but social rewards temporarily outweigh bad consequences)
--allowing healthy risk-taking (to lessen harmful risk-taking later)
--section on social media (I may not follow everything she does, but she had some helpful ideas, and it's nice to gather data on the topic!)
As with all books like this, I didn't agree with everything, but it was a great pep-talk, and had lots of encouraging, real-life ideas. I'd recommend it.
July 20, 2023
Michelle Icard's parenting books are my favorites so far.
I liked it a lot because it focuses on the good parts of each "hot topic" from the teen years. It is not flooded with success stories of parents that are always calm and know smart ways to handle their teens (I will forget them the moment I close the book and are so frustrating).
It is full of good advice, good practices and explains in a scientific way the brain / body changes of a child to make you empathize with your kid. Good tips and it made me re-think some of my actions towards my kids.
Excellent book.
I liked a lot this reference (wrongly associated to Mark Twain): "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years".
I liked it a lot because it focuses on the good parts of each "hot topic" from the teen years. It is not flooded with success stories of parents that are always calm and know smart ways to handle their teens (I will forget them the moment I close the book and are so frustrating).
It is full of good advice, good practices and explains in a scientific way the brain / body changes of a child to make you empathize with your kid. Good tips and it made me re-think some of my actions towards my kids.
Excellent book.
I liked a lot this reference (wrongly associated to Mark Twain): "When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years".
August 27, 2020
I wasn’t sold on this book until I got to Part Two: Helping Your Kid Through Real Middle School Problems. That’s where the gold is. Icard addresses the thirteen scenarios that parents ask her about most frequently. She gives step-by-step instructions to guide you through these difficult problems. I took lots of notes and expect to use them.
The book is six years old and I like to think that the author has changed her stance on social media in light of more recent studies that show social media’s negative affect on the mental health of teenagers. I appreciate her suggested approach but I would personally not allow younger adolescents to use social media. I am planning to look at Icard’s website to see if there is any current information on this topic.
The book is six years old and I like to think that the author has changed her stance on social media in light of more recent studies that show social media’s negative affect on the mental health of teenagers. I appreciate her suggested approach but I would personally not allow younger adolescents to use social media. I am planning to look at Icard’s website to see if there is any current information on this topic.
February 7, 2022
somewhat helpful
We need more books on this topic. All of a sudden it seems like we blink our eyes and our baby is not a child anymore and we have to help them navigate one of the most socially and emotionally difficult phases of life. Wow this book had a few great tips, it left me wanting more. Michelle has good intentions, but didn’t do much more than scratch the surface of what we need. There’s also a lot of “wasted space“ in the book, for example in the last chapter she goes on for pages and pages about the pros and cons of plastic surgery! I will keep looking for a more expert reference on how to help my child navigate the middle school years.
We need more books on this topic. All of a sudden it seems like we blink our eyes and our baby is not a child anymore and we have to help them navigate one of the most socially and emotionally difficult phases of life. Wow this book had a few great tips, it left me wanting more. Michelle has good intentions, but didn’t do much more than scratch the surface of what we need. There’s also a lot of “wasted space“ in the book, for example in the last chapter she goes on for pages and pages about the pros and cons of plastic surgery! I will keep looking for a more expert reference on how to help my child navigate the middle school years.
August 31, 2017
There was some positive reinforcement for those parenting areas I really struggle with and some good reminders for the things I could still do better. I appreciate that she combines the balance of all the life things of aging, marriage, etc. along with the challenges and rewards of raising a middle schooler. While not an expert, and maybe it's a personal preference, but I didn't feel she made a strong enough case for social media, cell phones, and in general the lengths we should go to help our kids "fit in". I might be wrong, but I'd still rather encourage my kids to "stand out".
January 1, 2022
I liked a bunch of this. Especially the information about the brain of a MS kiddo. It explains a lot when the amygdala takes over for these years and the prefrontal cortex is on an extended break. But...I greatly dislikes the advice about allowing social media for kids of this age. In fact, I think it almost contradicts the brain info. Social media only fuels that already highly emotional part of the brain and kids have no way to rationalize what they see because the other part of the brain is on vacation.
September 2, 2024
3.5 stars. I really like Icard’s other work, so I was looking forward to reading this. It was full of information I’ve mostly heard before (some even a bit outdated as this was published in 2014 - “social media is great for tweens!”). But I appreciated how this book concluded, as it mentioned what parents should think about themselves. So much of a parent’s time is spent, well, parenting. As your children age, Icard spends a whole chapter focused on how you can be an individual outside of being a parent…not something I see a lot in other parenting books.
January 18, 2020
This book is very good. It offers some ideas for better communication with your middle schooler. It explains the differences in the brain of a middle schooler and how that relates to their reactions to everything. The goal of this book is to empower your middle schooler to come up with solutions to their problems, which was very helpful for me. I have also taken Michelle's workshop "Michelle in the Middle" and highly recommend that.
August 18, 2021
This is my 3rd parenting of middle schooler books that I have read in the last 2 months, but I really, really enjoyed this one! She is very experienced working with middle schoolers and being a parent to two middle schooler students. I appreciated how she encouraged the readers to dialogue with their teen instead of commanding them. I also really liked how she reminded parents to not bring up their personally baggage from middle school while parenting teens! Good quick read!
January 10, 2023
With a 5th grader heading to middle school in less than a year, this was SO helpful! As someone who has been working with teenage students as a career for 14 years, I have found this book so practical and precise for doing this as a parent. I’ve seen and witnessed the fall out of some of these things done the “wrong” way even though the parent had great intentions. Every parent with a middle schooler OR one going into middle school needs to read this!!
July 5, 2023
There were some good nuggets in here but overall I think the Ask Lisa podcast has covered these topics more in depth and I can pick and choose those that are relevant to me. This also feels slightly dated - it was published in 2014 and I would guess the author’s opinion on social media may have changed since then. I did like the advice re independence and allowing kids the chance to problem solve and work through things by talking out their ideas instead of immediately jumping in.
October 7, 2025
This book is ten years old, so some things feel dated, but it’s still good info regarding the changes that are happening in the brains of middle schoolers. My oldest is in 8th and youngest is in 5th. Saw things I wish I had known before we started the middle school journey and can now implement with the future middle schooler, and also some things that made me happy about how we’ve parented our eldest so far. Good book to have on hand!
August 2, 2018
I really enjoyed reading this book - realistic recommendations about navigating the tween years, especially as it refers to social media and kids. As with any type of self-help book, much of what I read was common sense and a lot of agreeing along the way. Nothing stuck out as a eureka moment, but I will be keeping this one handy to re-read sections on those challenging days.
November 1, 2018
Wonderful resource!
This book has given me the skill set, tools and confidence to manage my family's middle school journey. The writing is sharp, funny and accessible, with just enough repetition and reminders and check lists to keep the reader aware of where she or he is going and to stay on track. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
This book has given me the skill set, tools and confidence to manage my family's middle school journey. The writing is sharp, funny and accessible, with just enough repetition and reminders and check lists to keep the reader aware of where she or he is going and to stay on track. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.
November 2, 2020
This book is a gem and perfect for parents of soon-to-be or current middle schoolers. The author is spot on that many parents tend to bring their very own negative middle school experiences along for the ride as their kids navigate these years. This book guides parents to rethink middle school and how to respond to bumps in the road in a way that encourages confidence and growth.
February 13, 2022
Can't recommend this book enough to parents of tweens or teens. Even if your child is in high school, there's valuable stuff to learn and good tools for your toolbox in here. Great perspective on what we should (or should not) be doing as parents and explains what's happening to our children emotionally and psychologically in this period of growth.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 106 reviews