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What Can I Do?: Ideas to Help Those Who Have Experienced Loss
Barbara A. Glanz knows grief from personal experience. Her sondied at a very young age and her husband of many years diedrecently. Although the ideas in the book come primarily frompeople who have lost a loved one, most of the ideas are applicable toany kind of the loss of a job, a divorce, the loss of arelationship, the loss of a pet, the loss of health, a move, or desertion. Written for the person who wants to help the one who is grieving,this book is filled with immediately practical ideas as well aslong term, specific ways to help someone move from grieving togrowth, and eventually to cherishing good memories.
144 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews
June 22, 2012
This book has a lot of ideas that I wish people had done for me when mom died last July, and to a lesser extent perhaps when grandpa died in July 2006. I'd recommend it for when you know someone dealing with recent grief or even in the first year or so after the loss. Grieving goes on & on beyond the time others think think the person "should have" moved on. If someone is grieving and another asks "what can I do," tell them to read this book & follow through with some of the ideas or come up with their own.
Her chapter on "remember the children" [who are grieving] focused primarily on the under 18 crowd & I wish she'd written more about adult children who lose a parent.
There was 1 quote from this chapter I liked by a Lori Kwasniewski, "Don't forget about me! When the funeral is over--I still grieve. When you see me, ask how I am doing. I know my mom lost a her husband, and you ask how she is. I lost my dad, my only dad, my best friend. Ask me how I am doing too. Let me talk about my dad. Don't be afraid when I talk about him and try to change the subject. Don't be afraid to share what you remember about him too."
This was my issue after mom died, everyone asked how dad was handling things, by comparison it was extremely rare for someone to ask how I was doing in the situation.
A chapter I thought was great was "Be the one to reach out." Glanz writes, "One of the most important things I have learned about helping someone in the midst of grieving is DON'T WAIT for them to ask for help. Don't ask, 'What can I do?' because they either won't know or won't feel comfortable asking. Their emotional bank account is completely overdrawn, and they don't even have the energy to think what they might need. JUST DO IT!"
Another quote from this chapter was by Robin Maynard, "I wish people would just hold out their arms and provide a silent hug, instead of avoiding someone in grief because they don't know what to say."
Her chapter on "remember the children" [who are grieving] focused primarily on the under 18 crowd & I wish she'd written more about adult children who lose a parent.
There was 1 quote from this chapter I liked by a Lori Kwasniewski, "Don't forget about me! When the funeral is over--I still grieve. When you see me, ask how I am doing. I know my mom lost a her husband, and you ask how she is. I lost my dad, my only dad, my best friend. Ask me how I am doing too. Let me talk about my dad. Don't be afraid when I talk about him and try to change the subject. Don't be afraid to share what you remember about him too."
This was my issue after mom died, everyone asked how dad was handling things, by comparison it was extremely rare for someone to ask how I was doing in the situation.
A chapter I thought was great was "Be the one to reach out." Glanz writes, "One of the most important things I have learned about helping someone in the midst of grieving is DON'T WAIT for them to ask for help. Don't ask, 'What can I do?' because they either won't know or won't feel comfortable asking. Their emotional bank account is completely overdrawn, and they don't even have the energy to think what they might need. JUST DO IT!"
Another quote from this chapter was by Robin Maynard, "I wish people would just hold out their arms and provide a silent hug, instead of avoiding someone in grief because they don't know what to say."
August 26, 2007
The first half of the book is stronger than the second half. The book is full of ideas of how to help someone dealing with loss. The emphasis is on helping someone grieving death but it mentions divorce. Towards the end of the book it feels like it is repeating. The ideas given at the end of the book are belabored--could have been shortened.
Do not read the book if in a sensitive mood. Many of the anecedotes are heart-wrenching.
I found the book helpful and reassuring. I feel awkward that I am not doing anything for friends when they face the death of a loved one. I felt I was intruding but now I see the intrusion is not really an intrusion. I also have learned never to say to the person, "Let me know whatever you need." A grieving person will not ask, they do not have the energy to ask or too shocked to know what they need. If you see a need or think of something helpful just jump in and do it.
The author seems much more religious than I am. Some of the things she suggests one say to the griever would not work for me. I am not going to talk about God, Heavenly Father, blah-blah... but the ideas she gives for conversations or simple things to do are very helpful. I will hang onto this book as a reference the next time there is a death in my circle of friends or family.
Do not read the book if in a sensitive mood. Many of the anecedotes are heart-wrenching.
I found the book helpful and reassuring. I feel awkward that I am not doing anything for friends when they face the death of a loved one. I felt I was intruding but now I see the intrusion is not really an intrusion. I also have learned never to say to the person, "Let me know whatever you need." A grieving person will not ask, they do not have the energy to ask or too shocked to know what they need. If you see a need or think of something helpful just jump in and do it.
The author seems much more religious than I am. Some of the things she suggests one say to the griever would not work for me. I am not going to talk about God, Heavenly Father, blah-blah... but the ideas she gives for conversations or simple things to do are very helpful. I will hang onto this book as a reference the next time there is a death in my circle of friends or family.
Displaying 1 - 2 of 2 reviews