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The Madwoman in the Volvo: My Year of Raging Hormones
A 2014 New York Times Book Review Notable Book
From an "imaginatively twisted and fearless" writer ( Los Angeles Times ), a hilarious memoir of middle age. In a voice that is wry, disarming, and totally candid, Sandra Tsing Loh tells the moving and laugh-out-loud tale of her roller coaster through “the change.” This is not your grandmother’s menopause story. Loh chronicles utterly relatable, everyday perils: raising preteen daughters, weathering hormonal changes, and going through the ups and downs of a career and a relationship. She writes also about an affair and the explosion of her marriage, the pressures of keeping her daughters off Facebook while managing the legal and marital hijinks of her eighty-nine-year-old dad, and a despairing withdrawal to a tiny cabin where she combined wine and Ambien, paralyzing her arm into a claw. In one outrageous chapter, a hormonal Loh finds herself trekking to her preteen daughter’s school to confront a ten-year-old bully half her size. In another she attempts to subsist on only zero-calorie noodles and the occasional fat-free yogurt in a hopeless effort to vanquish added midlife weight. In The Madwoman in the Volvo Loh speaks hilariously and honestly about her life as a mother, a daughter, and an artist. She recounts her journey through a tumultuous time of life, trying to maintain appearances during an epic hormonal―and that means physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual―change. The upbeat conclusion: it does get better.
From an "imaginatively twisted and fearless" writer ( Los Angeles Times ), a hilarious memoir of middle age. In a voice that is wry, disarming, and totally candid, Sandra Tsing Loh tells the moving and laugh-out-loud tale of her roller coaster through “the change.” This is not your grandmother’s menopause story. Loh chronicles utterly relatable, everyday perils: raising preteen daughters, weathering hormonal changes, and going through the ups and downs of a career and a relationship. She writes also about an affair and the explosion of her marriage, the pressures of keeping her daughters off Facebook while managing the legal and marital hijinks of her eighty-nine-year-old dad, and a despairing withdrawal to a tiny cabin where she combined wine and Ambien, paralyzing her arm into a claw. In one outrageous chapter, a hormonal Loh finds herself trekking to her preteen daughter’s school to confront a ten-year-old bully half her size. In another she attempts to subsist on only zero-calorie noodles and the occasional fat-free yogurt in a hopeless effort to vanquish added midlife weight. In The Madwoman in the Volvo Loh speaks hilariously and honestly about her life as a mother, a daughter, and an artist. She recounts her journey through a tumultuous time of life, trying to maintain appearances during an epic hormonal―and that means physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual―change. The upbeat conclusion: it does get better.
288 pages, Hardcover
First published May 5, 2014
177 people are currently reading
2800 people want to read
About the author
Sandra Tsing Loh
17 books95 followersWriter and performer Sandra Tsing Loh is a contributing editor to The Atlantic, host of the syndicated radio show The Loh Down on Science, and the author of five previous books. Her work has appeared in Best American Essays. In addition to having been a regular commentator on NPR’s Morning Edition and PRI’s This American Life, she has performed two solo shows off-Broadway. She lives in Pasadena, California.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 350 reviews
July 13, 2014
Not my cup of tea. While there are some laugh out loud moments, overall I found this book to be more sad than anything. Loh has such a beautiful, privileged life and she doesn't see it.
She tries to milk humor out of complaint and unnecessary drama; that is not intelligent or interesting to me. It was a good reminder of how I want to write and live, enjoying the moment, being grateful, and mining the depths of pain and the past in order to learn and grow.
Cheryl Strayed blurbed this book. Spend your time reading her "Tiny, Beautiful Things" instead.
She tries to milk humor out of complaint and unnecessary drama; that is not intelligent or interesting to me. It was a good reminder of how I want to write and live, enjoying the moment, being grateful, and mining the depths of pain and the past in order to learn and grow.
Cheryl Strayed blurbed this book. Spend your time reading her "Tiny, Beautiful Things" instead.
March 11, 2014
If you or someone you live with is due for the menopause soon, I suggest you wait to read this book. Sandra Tsing Loh has not written a book to ease your mind or commiserate. She is focused on telling the most entertaining story possible of her experiences, and exaggeration is a key element. At least I hope it is, because if not, well, just imagine the Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil on a bad day and you'll have an inkling of what she experienced in the years as she approached fifty.
The Madwoman in the Volvo is not just about Loh's looming menopause -- it also touches on raising two girls approaching their teens, on Loh's failing marriage and aftermath, on caring for aging parents, on losing a parent, and on upper middle class suburban life in Southern California.
It's been a few years since I last checked in with Loh. I remembered her as a funny and sarcastic writer. As a writer and entertainer, she's fearless -- she doesn't mind being the one in the crowd who's talking a little bit too loud or swearing in front of the kids. If she were in your social circle, she'd be the one who embarrasses the rest of you in a restaurant, but it's worth it because she's so funny and honest.
In The Madwoman in the Volvo, she ratchets it up a few notches, at the risk of losing a few fans, I expect. It helps that she mentions in her acknowledgments that some of the characters she writes about are composites and although she does have a sister who is important in her life, the sister she writes about is a partially fictional one. I hope (and suspect) that the Sandra Tsing Loh she writes about is also partially fictional.
The Madwoman in the Volvo is not just about Loh's looming menopause -- it also touches on raising two girls approaching their teens, on Loh's failing marriage and aftermath, on caring for aging parents, on losing a parent, and on upper middle class suburban life in Southern California.
It's been a few years since I last checked in with Loh. I remembered her as a funny and sarcastic writer. As a writer and entertainer, she's fearless -- she doesn't mind being the one in the crowd who's talking a little bit too loud or swearing in front of the kids. If she were in your social circle, she'd be the one who embarrasses the rest of you in a restaurant, but it's worth it because she's so funny and honest.
In The Madwoman in the Volvo, she ratchets it up a few notches, at the risk of losing a few fans, I expect. It helps that she mentions in her acknowledgments that some of the characters she writes about are composites and although she does have a sister who is important in her life, the sister she writes about is a partially fictional one. I hope (and suspect) that the Sandra Tsing Loh she writes about is also partially fictional.
June 10, 2014
I don't know why I read the whole book. I knew I hated it by the 30th page. There was some sick fascination, though, wondering what more Loh could say to make me shudder. Her tone is alternately arch and whiny, and much of her suffering can be laid at her own doorstep, in my opinion. I can't get inside her head, I can't understand who she is, or what her value system is comprised of. I found her, as you might guess, thoroughly unlikeable.
I'm still looking for a menopause memoir I can stomach. This certainly wasn't it.
I'm still looking for a menopause memoir I can stomach. This certainly wasn't it.
May 24, 2014
I love Sandra's madness. She makes lemonade out of her mid-life lemons.
May 2, 2023
More memoir than informative, The Madwoman in the Volvo is Loh's navigation of the perimenopause phase of her life. It's not pretty - she has an affair, her marriage ends, she can't lose weight, she seemingly has some separation anxiety and/or trouble being alone, and her home doesn't look like a Pottery Barn catalogue. All this leads to a general inability to feel happiness or at least gratitude for what she has (two kids, a career, and a somewhat financially comfortable life).
This felt like a memoir women should relate to, but I don't know how many actually will. I saw myself in very little of it (like Loh, I have an old car that's just reliable enough for me to hang onto, probably until the end of time; she also has a lot of anxiety around clutter, and it's very easy to see how easily a cluttered house could set off perimenopausal mood swings). Loh subscribes to a lot of mainstream, upper-middle-class, white woman nonsense tbh (your house must be well furnished, you must work out and eat no carbs and look a certain way (far too much emphasis on this for my taste, btw, I understand Loh is of a generation older than mine, but some of the writing around her attempts to lose weight, as an already thin-to-average woman, is downright fat-shaming), you must have a good turnout at your birthday party or it's a failure), so if that's your jam, you'll vibe with this book.
If not...take what you will from it. Which is that it is important to highlight perimenopause and how its changes can throw your life into disarray without proper care and treatment. Loh appears to be a pretty privileged person, often too selfish to appreciate what and who she has. Humming under that are also completely valid mood swings tied to hormones and aging.
This felt like a memoir women should relate to, but I don't know how many actually will. I saw myself in very little of it (like Loh, I have an old car that's just reliable enough for me to hang onto, probably until the end of time; she also has a lot of anxiety around clutter, and it's very easy to see how easily a cluttered house could set off perimenopausal mood swings). Loh subscribes to a lot of mainstream, upper-middle-class, white woman nonsense tbh (your house must be well furnished, you must work out and eat no carbs and look a certain way (far too much emphasis on this for my taste, btw, I understand Loh is of a generation older than mine, but some of the writing around her attempts to lose weight, as an already thin-to-average woman, is downright fat-shaming), you must have a good turnout at your birthday party or it's a failure), so if that's your jam, you'll vibe with this book.
If not...take what you will from it. Which is that it is important to highlight perimenopause and how its changes can throw your life into disarray without proper care and treatment. Loh appears to be a pretty privileged person, often too selfish to appreciate what and who she has. Humming under that are also completely valid mood swings tied to hormones and aging.
May 9, 2014
This book gets four stars for making me laugh out loud at the adventures of one of my favorite "This American Life" storytellers, Sandra Tsing Loh. However, I also thought her adventures in menopause revealed a strangely childlike attitude toward marriage, a life partner, and Loh as the diva of her own life. It really surprised me, not necessarily in a good way. But if you've had a mom who went through menopause, or if you are starting to go through it yourself, this is a great book with not only laughs, but some actual great information.
July 30, 2014
The Madwoman in the Volvo: My Year of Raging Hormones, a memoir by Sandra Tsing Loh, is hysterically funny, disturbingly dark and fiercely intelligent. Loh is a master storyteller who will captivate you with tales of her turbulent journey through perimenopause. I highly recommend the book for all women, but especially for those of us who are entering this mysterious phase of life. It’s great for men as well, to help prepare them to dodge flying pot roasts.
Think the subject of menopause isn’t relevant to you? Think again. Sandra reports that by 2015, almost one in two American women will be menopausal. And the hormonal shifts of perimenopause usually begin in the late thirties to mid-forties, lasting for four to fifteen years.
Pretty early on in the book, Sandra shares the gut-wrenching story of how she, “a forty something suburban mother, became involved in a wild and ill-conceived extramarital affair.” Keep in mind that my novels feature a wife, mother and professor who cheats on her husband with a former student. So I’m not faint of heart on the subject of infidelity. Yet, the unwavering honesty with which Sandra details the havoc it wreaked on the lives of spouses, children, parents, siblings, and in-laws destroyed me. Her brutal, unforgiving self-reflection reveals a level of courage that very few people possess. I hope Sandra knows how many women she speaks for.
In Madwoman, Sandra takes the time to explain the science behind the changes of perimenopause and how they can affect our brains and bodies. But she doesn’t play professor for long before tossing in some juicy LOL commentary. And her rich repertoire of familiar, nostalgic pop culture references is always an added bonus.
“Our symptoms are various. They include mood swings, sudden weight gain, and the appearance of morning chin hairs that by noon are long enough to braid and twirl into thick Princess Leia buns.”
the lessons I learned about how the raging hormones of perimenopause can potentially affect our relationships and our lives were surprisingly valuable. In the humor there is depth and meaning, and at the very end, Sandra even lists some helpful tips for how to get through it all. I loved this book!
See more at: http://www.patriciamann.me/the-madwom...
Think the subject of menopause isn’t relevant to you? Think again. Sandra reports that by 2015, almost one in two American women will be menopausal. And the hormonal shifts of perimenopause usually begin in the late thirties to mid-forties, lasting for four to fifteen years.
Pretty early on in the book, Sandra shares the gut-wrenching story of how she, “a forty something suburban mother, became involved in a wild and ill-conceived extramarital affair.” Keep in mind that my novels feature a wife, mother and professor who cheats on her husband with a former student. So I’m not faint of heart on the subject of infidelity. Yet, the unwavering honesty with which Sandra details the havoc it wreaked on the lives of spouses, children, parents, siblings, and in-laws destroyed me. Her brutal, unforgiving self-reflection reveals a level of courage that very few people possess. I hope Sandra knows how many women she speaks for.
In Madwoman, Sandra takes the time to explain the science behind the changes of perimenopause and how they can affect our brains and bodies. But she doesn’t play professor for long before tossing in some juicy LOL commentary. And her rich repertoire of familiar, nostalgic pop culture references is always an added bonus.
“Our symptoms are various. They include mood swings, sudden weight gain, and the appearance of morning chin hairs that by noon are long enough to braid and twirl into thick Princess Leia buns.”
the lessons I learned about how the raging hormones of perimenopause can potentially affect our relationships and our lives were surprisingly valuable. In the humor there is depth and meaning, and at the very end, Sandra even lists some helpful tips for how to get through it all. I loved this book!
See more at: http://www.patriciamann.me/the-madwom...
June 15, 2014
A rollicking ride through the crises that make up our lives as "women of a certain age": dealing with the men in our lives, coping with domestic arrangements, caring for our aging parents, managing our weight (when it used to manage itself, dammitall), and keeping our depressions from eating us alive.
Loh makes it all funny and human. She turns herself into a bit of a monster for comic effect, of course.
The account is fictionalized enough for us to know that not *everything* in it is strictly true, though it is clearly based on her real-world experiences. Clever bits of veiling are employed to hide details about those near and dear to her. Loh is courageous enough to present herself--this fictionalized version of herself, anyway--as deeply flawed, prey to the weaknesses all human beings share, and perhaps a few more. She is, after all, telling a story that could, in places, read as a cautionary tale.
A fun beach read for the summer.
Loh makes it all funny and human. She turns herself into a bit of a monster for comic effect, of course.
The account is fictionalized enough for us to know that not *everything* in it is strictly true, though it is clearly based on her real-world experiences. Clever bits of veiling are employed to hide details about those near and dear to her. Loh is courageous enough to present herself--this fictionalized version of herself, anyway--as deeply flawed, prey to the weaknesses all human beings share, and perhaps a few more. She is, after all, telling a story that could, in places, read as a cautionary tale.
A fun beach read for the summer.
December 29, 2015
I don't know that I'd call her a *great* writer, like all artsy 'n' stuff, but she's funny as hell. I laughed so hard I embarrassed myself in public.
Highly recommended to all my friends going through MENOPAUSE. Did I just out myself? Yes, I did. But this is probably the best guide to it I've read, and it doesn't have some stupid pastel cover and contents encouraging me to looooooove this transition. That said, the author helped me come to terms with it. Much appreciated.
Highly recommended to all my friends going through MENOPAUSE. Did I just out myself? Yes, I did. But this is probably the best guide to it I've read, and it doesn't have some stupid pastel cover and contents encouraging me to looooooove this transition. That said, the author helped me come to terms with it. Much appreciated.
November 6, 2015
Over the top as expected from a menopausal woman from LA. This hovered between comedy and very uncomfortable drama.
September 5, 2014
I figured if I read one book about menopause, this would have to be it -- who can deal with menopausal (or really perimenopausal, the time before true menopause, which is defined as a solid year without a period) symptoms without a little self-deprecating humor! I am reminded of a card I just bought to send to several friends: "Menopause is our chance to say I am Woman. Open a Freaking Window"
And this book was very funny (loved her account of gaining-weight-while-dieting and the trauma of getting on the scale at the doctor's office). But it was also a helpful educational resource for understanding what happens to your emotions and body during this midlife upheaval. (See: pg. 57 "for Perimenopausal Women Sadly Lacking a PhD in Biology" - or my case, lacking an aptitude for science. I still can't grasp the science but I appreciate the effort to explain it in a "For Dummies' way, even though she notes this wasn't her goal...) And I liked her very practical advice including, hire a housekeeper and embrace those extra 25 pounds!
I'm not sure all of Sandra's madwoman behavior can be attributed to biology - like many of us, she seems predisposed to it. Nor do I seem to have experienced (so far) as erratic behavior during my perimenopause adventure.
But still, it was a funny and surprisingly informative read. She embraces - and helpfully summarizes - a book that a friend has recommended to me: Christiane Northrup's "The Wisdom of Menopause" which I declined to read even before I heard it was 600 pages. The name put me off.
Among the more interesting aspects:
A look at how our Mad Men/Women-era mothers' dealt with menopause differently than Baby Boomers' (they threw Pyrex baking dishes; holed up in bed during the day) - and how this is a result of shifting social norms, women's lib and life-prolonging scientific advances. My generation's mid-life is also very different because of our later entry into motherhood (especially those of us who had kids in our late 30s and 40s) which means we hit perimenopause when our kids are going through their own upheaval (adolescence) and when our parents are aging, with all the fun stuff that can bring...
She also offers a reminder that if live 80 years or so, we spend more years non-fertile (no periods, whoo hoo!) than fertile (roughly 25 years from age 15-40, she says) so maybe non-fertile is the more the normal state.
And she ends on a hopeful note, encouraging women to think of perimenopause as the necessary labor pain that gives birth to our freer happier menopausal years; and to think of our 50's as a time of rebirth, when we can almost act like kids again! Well maybe...
And this book was very funny (loved her account of gaining-weight-while-dieting and the trauma of getting on the scale at the doctor's office). But it was also a helpful educational resource for understanding what happens to your emotions and body during this midlife upheaval. (See: pg. 57 "for Perimenopausal Women Sadly Lacking a PhD in Biology" - or my case, lacking an aptitude for science. I still can't grasp the science but I appreciate the effort to explain it in a "For Dummies' way, even though she notes this wasn't her goal...) And I liked her very practical advice including, hire a housekeeper and embrace those extra 25 pounds!
I'm not sure all of Sandra's madwoman behavior can be attributed to biology - like many of us, she seems predisposed to it. Nor do I seem to have experienced (so far) as erratic behavior during my perimenopause adventure.
But still, it was a funny and surprisingly informative read. She embraces - and helpfully summarizes - a book that a friend has recommended to me: Christiane Northrup's "The Wisdom of Menopause" which I declined to read even before I heard it was 600 pages. The name put me off.
Among the more interesting aspects:
A look at how our Mad Men/Women-era mothers' dealt with menopause differently than Baby Boomers' (they threw Pyrex baking dishes; holed up in bed during the day) - and how this is a result of shifting social norms, women's lib and life-prolonging scientific advances. My generation's mid-life is also very different because of our later entry into motherhood (especially those of us who had kids in our late 30s and 40s) which means we hit perimenopause when our kids are going through their own upheaval (adolescence) and when our parents are aging, with all the fun stuff that can bring...
She also offers a reminder that if live 80 years or so, we spend more years non-fertile (no periods, whoo hoo!) than fertile (roughly 25 years from age 15-40, she says) so maybe non-fertile is the more the normal state.
And she ends on a hopeful note, encouraging women to think of perimenopause as the necessary labor pain that gives birth to our freer happier menopausal years; and to think of our 50's as a time of rebirth, when we can almost act like kids again! Well maybe...
August 13, 2015
I wish I had read this a couple of years ago, although possibly I would not have believed then what was in store for me.
This book is a must-read for any woman-of-a-certain age. With great humor, it looks unflinchingly at menopause, a time of women's lives that our culture either ignores, belittles, or makes fun of. Loh is brutally honest about her experience but nevertheless manages to find (perhaps only in retrospect) ways to laugh about what she is going through. But really, what choice does one have sometimes, when the person one was for decades suddenly to become someone else altogether?
Most of the book reads as if you're listening to a close friend and great raconteur tell you a series of hilarious, heartbreaking, and deeply personal anecdotes. Loh also offers some practical advice and some resources for the research-minded.
I'm glad I spent some time with the madwoman in the Volvo. Perhaps it says more about me than her, but she didn't seem mad at all.
This book is a must-read for any woman-of-a-certain age. With great humor, it looks unflinchingly at menopause, a time of women's lives that our culture either ignores, belittles, or makes fun of. Loh is brutally honest about her experience but nevertheless manages to find (perhaps only in retrospect) ways to laugh about what she is going through. But really, what choice does one have sometimes, when the person one was for decades suddenly to become someone else altogether?
Most of the book reads as if you're listening to a close friend and great raconteur tell you a series of hilarious, heartbreaking, and deeply personal anecdotes. Loh also offers some practical advice and some resources for the research-minded.
I'm glad I spent some time with the madwoman in the Volvo. Perhaps it says more about me than her, but she didn't seem mad at all.
January 12, 2015
I really thought I was going to enjoy this book a lot more than I did, especially after hearing Sandra Tsing Loh on NPR, and reading an excerpt of the book in AARP's magazine. It's not that wasn't well written, because it was, but eventually it proved to be not something I was really interested in reading. I guess I thought it would be funnier, and believe me, menopause needs all the humor it can get. Unfortunately, I don't think menopause was the only thing driving Tsing Loh's depression and rage.
Probably a 2.5 but I can't go to 3 stars.
Probably a 2.5 but I can't go to 3 stars.
July 3, 2014
FINALLY! An honest, raw account of what we REALLY go through in peri/menopause! Miss Loh's writing is fun, engaging, honest and at times, a little scary.
I've read just about everything out there on the "subject matter of the change" and have been getting increasingly tired of how clinical or medical most books end up. "Madwoman" truly captured the "unknown and unexpected" and unpleasant surprise that many of us experience.
Whether you're going through the change or not, I recommend this book to most women and an absolute for the partners/spouses of women who are in it.
I've read just about everything out there on the "subject matter of the change" and have been getting increasingly tired of how clinical or medical most books end up. "Madwoman" truly captured the "unknown and unexpected" and unpleasant surprise that many of us experience.
Whether you're going through the change or not, I recommend this book to most women and an absolute for the partners/spouses of women who are in it.
July 19, 2014
Laughed my ass off and got educated at the same time. What more could a perimenopausal crazy woman wish for? Now I feel "normal"!
May 18, 2022
2.75 stars
I picked this book up expecting it to be funny and I didn’t find it that way at all. In fact, I found it to be rather sad that the author blamed all her struggles on her impending menopause when she came across as demanding and needy to me. I thought Loh’s writing was fine but I found myself wondering what the point of the book was - this one just wasn’t for me.
I picked this book up expecting it to be funny and I didn’t find it that way at all. In fact, I found it to be rather sad that the author blamed all her struggles on her impending menopause when she came across as demanding and needy to me. I thought Loh’s writing was fine but I found myself wondering what the point of the book was - this one just wasn’t for me.
September 8, 2014
My, my -- Sandra's been up to a lot in the last few years. I've been reading and enjoying her essays since the dawn of time, first in an L.A.-based magazine called Buzz, when one discovered other writers by seriously loitering at magazine stands in better bookstores with coffeehouses. It was the only way to know anything! We didn't even have email!
"The Madwoman in the Volvo" made me realize that I've been laughing and learning along with her through all sorts of life phases -- chronic underemployment and ambitious phase; settling-down phase; Pottery Barn envy phase (that's apparently a hard one to shake for Sandra); homebuying and home fantasizing; marrying/divorcing/reproducing ... and now menopause.
I was interested in this book not only because it's written by Sandra Tsing Loh but because I have always made close friends out of women who are just a little bit older than me (I think this is because I grew up as the baby bro to three older sisters). Women who are five to 10 years ahead of me (sometimes 15 years, or 20) have been some of my greatest friends and best editors. So I'm _curious_ about menopause and where they're at with all that.
This book will tell you. Oh, will it tell you. It also drags just a tiny bit in the page-100 zone, when you think Sandra has exhausted all there is to say (and joke) about the perimenopausal phase, but then it swerves into a darker and more contemplative nadir, especially when it involves the decline of Mr. Loh, Sandra's eccentric father, who is semi-famous in his own right (notorious, you might say, if you ever saw him do calisthenics on a Malibu beach). At that point, the book gains momentum. I think it's one of her best.
I also have to make a tiny disclosure: Sandra and I are acquainted only in the way that two people who met briefly at a writer's workshop in 1996 and exchanged Compuserve and AOL email addresses might be. Last we communicated, I was begging her to offer a blurb for my last book's cover (which she did, bless her) and now I realize I was bugging her about that while her marriage was falling apart and she was living out of a storage unit and going menopausal. Do I feel terrible about that? Only a little. So let's inflate this sucker to FIVE STARS.
"The Madwoman in the Volvo" made me realize that I've been laughing and learning along with her through all sorts of life phases -- chronic underemployment and ambitious phase; settling-down phase; Pottery Barn envy phase (that's apparently a hard one to shake for Sandra); homebuying and home fantasizing; marrying/divorcing/reproducing ... and now menopause.
I was interested in this book not only because it's written by Sandra Tsing Loh but because I have always made close friends out of women who are just a little bit older than me (I think this is because I grew up as the baby bro to three older sisters). Women who are five to 10 years ahead of me (sometimes 15 years, or 20) have been some of my greatest friends and best editors. So I'm _curious_ about menopause and where they're at with all that.
This book will tell you. Oh, will it tell you. It also drags just a tiny bit in the page-100 zone, when you think Sandra has exhausted all there is to say (and joke) about the perimenopausal phase, but then it swerves into a darker and more contemplative nadir, especially when it involves the decline of Mr. Loh, Sandra's eccentric father, who is semi-famous in his own right (notorious, you might say, if you ever saw him do calisthenics on a Malibu beach). At that point, the book gains momentum. I think it's one of her best.
I also have to make a tiny disclosure: Sandra and I are acquainted only in the way that two people who met briefly at a writer's workshop in 1996 and exchanged Compuserve and AOL email addresses might be. Last we communicated, I was begging her to offer a blurb for my last book's cover (which she did, bless her) and now I realize I was bugging her about that while her marriage was falling apart and she was living out of a storage unit and going menopausal. Do I feel terrible about that? Only a little. So let's inflate this sucker to FIVE STARS.
March 23, 2015
It took me a while to finish this book because I kept stopping to read something else. It just doesn't have the narrative flow that pushes you to keep reading. Plus at times I got tired of the way the author was handling her life, even though I recognized--and appreciated--that she was just being really honest. So few people are that it feels like oversharing (or overkill) when someone completely bares their soul and airs all their dirty laundry.
Because the writing is basically light and humorous, I had trouble taking her problems seriously. For example, when she writes about her divorce and the affair that led up to it, she doesn't allow us to see how painful it must have been to go through that. So even though she is being honest about what happened, I felt like she left out the down side of how it made her feel. Surely she didn't go through everything with the sense of humor that is evident in her writing! I couldn't tell what reaction from the reader the author was going for. I also wasn't sure if this book was supposed to be a memoir, a cautionary tale or an advice book. (Or all three.)
The basic premise of the book seems to be that the author was undone by her hormones (or lack of them) from going through menopause. But there seems to be more going on than that. She writes about how she felt about turning 50--so perhaps it was partly a fear of aging/dying. Some of the things she was dealing with were normal considering the situation she is in, but she implies that the reason she had trouble handling them was because she was going through menopause.
Still, in spite of my reservations, I would still recommend this book for any woman who is starting to go through menopause or who is middle-aged or older. There is much in here that made me laugh, some that made me groan and a lot that made me think.
Because the writing is basically light and humorous, I had trouble taking her problems seriously. For example, when she writes about her divorce and the affair that led up to it, she doesn't allow us to see how painful it must have been to go through that. So even though she is being honest about what happened, I felt like she left out the down side of how it made her feel. Surely she didn't go through everything with the sense of humor that is evident in her writing! I couldn't tell what reaction from the reader the author was going for. I also wasn't sure if this book was supposed to be a memoir, a cautionary tale or an advice book. (Or all three.)
The basic premise of the book seems to be that the author was undone by her hormones (or lack of them) from going through menopause. But there seems to be more going on than that. She writes about how she felt about turning 50--so perhaps it was partly a fear of aging/dying. Some of the things she was dealing with were normal considering the situation she is in, but she implies that the reason she had trouble handling them was because she was going through menopause.
Still, in spite of my reservations, I would still recommend this book for any woman who is starting to go through menopause or who is middle-aged or older. There is much in here that made me laugh, some that made me groan and a lot that made me think.
November 17, 2015
I wish this book had been around 10 or even 5 years ago, as it is a good resource for bolstering the perimenopausal woman with humor alone. Plenty of dry, nonfiction literature abounds about the biological, medical, and psychological effects of perimenopause and menopause. But what the world needs more of are personal, amusing, poignant, and moving accounts like this one to help women at this point in life understand that they are not alone, they are not crazy, and plenty of other women have made choices as poor as or poorer than the ones they will make at this point in their lives. While the "I" of this book is a performance "I," and often blind to the world beyond that of a middle-upper class American lifestyle, there is great truth here.
A significant message of this book--not original to her, but one that I wish Loh had introduced earlier in the book--is the idea that the hormone-laden times of women's lives--i.e., the fertile years--are the years we should be categorizing as the "crazy," unusual years rather than the non-fertile years, which for most Western women are a larger portion of our lives. I really like the suggestion that the pains, psychological and physical, of perimenopause are really labor pains to our "true" selves and a stage of life where we can be more focused on developing our lives and being who we want to be vs. serving others ( e.g., spouses, partners, community, church, school, children) and their expectations of who we should be. If you are a man married to a woman, this book will give you insight. If you are a woman beyond menopause, this book will give you a sense of recognition and many nods of the head. If you are in the midst of or on the road to perimenopause, this book will give you solace. And if you are breathing, this book will give you some good laughs.
A significant message of this book--not original to her, but one that I wish Loh had introduced earlier in the book--is the idea that the hormone-laden times of women's lives--i.e., the fertile years--are the years we should be categorizing as the "crazy," unusual years rather than the non-fertile years, which for most Western women are a larger portion of our lives. I really like the suggestion that the pains, psychological and physical, of perimenopause are really labor pains to our "true" selves and a stage of life where we can be more focused on developing our lives and being who we want to be vs. serving others ( e.g., spouses, partners, community, church, school, children) and their expectations of who we should be. If you are a man married to a woman, this book will give you insight. If you are a woman beyond menopause, this book will give you a sense of recognition and many nods of the head. If you are in the midst of or on the road to perimenopause, this book will give you solace. And if you are breathing, this book will give you some good laughs.
September 22, 2015
It's probably not fair to the author, but this is my third book about midlife changes this summer and unfortunately this one comes up short by comparison. My favorite is still Katrina Kenison's "Magical Journey: An Apprenticeship in Contentment." I also read "I See You Made an Effort" by Annabelle Gurwitch. The latter was more similar to Loh's book in that it was meant to treat a serious subject in a humorous way. I guess I was just looking for more advice that I could use in my own life. I was impatient as I read about many of this author's personal issues that didn't seem to be relevant to my life, for example her affair, the ensuing family destruction, her father's oddities, and her relationship issues with her new partner "Mr. Y."
She did give some food for thought. I'm not sure that I agree with her that during our fertile years, we are in some sort of hormonal disturbance that causes excessive care-taking and nurturing, and that we are only our real selves once we come out of this hormonal fog. I do think, however, that later in life we are given a great opportunity for reinvention.
The author did a good job of expressing, by the example of her own life, the incredible stresses of the sandwich generation. I also admire how she is very direct throughout the book, with her no-holds-barred sharing of her experiences. I would hope that I would have done differently than Darlene, the acquaintance Loh meets at the funeral of a mutual friend who took his own life. Loh talks to Darlene from her own experience about what it's like to be depressed, and Darlene exits from the uncomfortable conversation as soon as she can. Although I'm not crazy about her writing, the author has done a public service by getting the issue of depression out there for people to talk about.
She did give some food for thought. I'm not sure that I agree with her that during our fertile years, we are in some sort of hormonal disturbance that causes excessive care-taking and nurturing, and that we are only our real selves once we come out of this hormonal fog. I do think, however, that later in life we are given a great opportunity for reinvention.
The author did a good job of expressing, by the example of her own life, the incredible stresses of the sandwich generation. I also admire how she is very direct throughout the book, with her no-holds-barred sharing of her experiences. I would hope that I would have done differently than Darlene, the acquaintance Loh meets at the funeral of a mutual friend who took his own life. Loh talks to Darlene from her own experience about what it's like to be depressed, and Darlene exits from the uncomfortable conversation as soon as she can. Although I'm not crazy about her writing, the author has done a public service by getting the issue of depression out there for people to talk about.
June 2, 2014
Having reached the age where the word menopause comes up in conversations with friends, Sandra Tsing Loh's memoir The Madwoman in the Volvo: My Year of Raging Hormones caught my eye.
I think there's much more than menopause driving Sandra Tsing Loh's year of raging hormones. While she explores menopause with some actual references to science and respected authors on the subject, Loh's life just seemed to go off the rails as she turns fifty. And menopause was along for the ride. I felt her mood swings, anger and depression had roots in 'pre-existing conditions', if you will. Her affair (Mr.Y) and the dissolution of her marriage (Mr. X) seem to take top billing for much of the book. She also explores her relationships with her children, her aging father, her sibling, friends with seeming candor, but admits, " Like with my middle-aged Volvo, I don't have a temperature or emotional thermostat that actually works."
Although the book is only 288 pages, I had to take a break from the book a few times and return later. Loh's intensity and selfish me, me, me attitude was tiring and quite frankly, grew boring.
I must admit, I had not heard of Loh before picking up this book - she is a broadcaster, writer and performer. But, I was actually quite disappointed (and felt manipulated as a reader) when I reached the end of the book and read the disclaimer....
"Except where noted in the acknowledgments, the characters appearing in this book are composites who are not intended to refer to specific people. While inspired by true events, the actions, scenes, and dialogue in this book have been chosen to illuminate the changes states of mind of the narrator, and are of story-making purposes only."
Fans of Loh will probably enjoy the book.
I think there's much more than menopause driving Sandra Tsing Loh's year of raging hormones. While she explores menopause with some actual references to science and respected authors on the subject, Loh's life just seemed to go off the rails as she turns fifty. And menopause was along for the ride. I felt her mood swings, anger and depression had roots in 'pre-existing conditions', if you will. Her affair (Mr.Y) and the dissolution of her marriage (Mr. X) seem to take top billing for much of the book. She also explores her relationships with her children, her aging father, her sibling, friends with seeming candor, but admits, " Like with my middle-aged Volvo, I don't have a temperature or emotional thermostat that actually works."
Although the book is only 288 pages, I had to take a break from the book a few times and return later. Loh's intensity and selfish me, me, me attitude was tiring and quite frankly, grew boring.
I must admit, I had not heard of Loh before picking up this book - she is a broadcaster, writer and performer. But, I was actually quite disappointed (and felt manipulated as a reader) when I reached the end of the book and read the disclaimer....
"Except where noted in the acknowledgments, the characters appearing in this book are composites who are not intended to refer to specific people. While inspired by true events, the actions, scenes, and dialogue in this book have been chosen to illuminate the changes states of mind of the narrator, and are of story-making purposes only."
Fans of Loh will probably enjoy the book.
July 10, 2014
This book is hilarious, unnerving, irreverent, honest, and did I mention hilarious? An essayist for The Atlantic magazine and an NPR radio commentator, Tsing Loh has never shied away from addressing very personal issues in her life, and this book is no exception. She chronicles her experiences going through perimenopause, as her life seems to go up in flames. She has an affair, which destroys her 20-year marriage; she’s raising two preteen daughters; she’s trying to manage the affairs of her highly eccentric 89-year-old father – all while her hormones are raging uncontrollably. Tsing Loh obsesses about her weight, which seems to be increasing no matter how hard she exercises. She creates a “happiness project” for herself. She takes on a 12-year-old bully at her daughter’s school. It’s like any middle-aged mother’s life – only more interesting and way funnier.
Pretty much any woman older than 40 will relate to this book. Its chapters flow just like perimenopausal mood swings: one minute you’re up, the next you’re down. Some of the book is downright silly (her list of diet foods), some is touching (a sweet note from her 11-year-old daughter), and some is actually educational. Tsing Loh has thoroughly read the literature on menopause and has distilled it down to a couple of useful books and theories, and the tips she shares are realistic and doable. In fact, the book ends on a downright hopeful note. So while I’m a little scared of menopause after reading this book (I’m sure I’ll go off the deep end too), I also know that if Tsing Loh can survive it, I can too.
For more about Sandra Tsing Loh, here’s a great NY Times article from May 2014: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/18/fas...
Pretty much any woman older than 40 will relate to this book. Its chapters flow just like perimenopausal mood swings: one minute you’re up, the next you’re down. Some of the book is downright silly (her list of diet foods), some is touching (a sweet note from her 11-year-old daughter), and some is actually educational. Tsing Loh has thoroughly read the literature on menopause and has distilled it down to a couple of useful books and theories, and the tips she shares are realistic and doable. In fact, the book ends on a downright hopeful note. So while I’m a little scared of menopause after reading this book (I’m sure I’ll go off the deep end too), I also know that if Tsing Loh can survive it, I can too.
For more about Sandra Tsing Loh, here’s a great NY Times article from May 2014: http://www.nytimes.com/2014/05/18/fas...
July 25, 2016
I rarely read nonfiction, so this is not at all my typical kind of book, but it was delightful! Sandra Tsing Loh, with great wit, humor, and honesty, speaks candidly about mid-life mood swings, tantrums, debilitating depression, and frustrations that come with "the change"--perimenopause and menopause. Ultimately, Madwoman in the Volvo was uplifting and gave good advice for getting through it all, but not likely the kind you might expect. With all of the books out there giving us yet more chores to do while holding out the promise of a perfect, tidy, and fit life, Loh's honesty about the chaos of her untidy life was a breath of fresh air. At one point, she talks about a male college friend of hers who takes his own life after ten years of hiding his despair through chatty Christmas cards and social media discussions of his favorite sports teams: "I am pissed off that he kept this stream of chat going (the Seattle Mariners? who the hell cares?) while he was so sad inside and could not admit it, so he covered it up with all of this trivia." At the heart of her narrative is the reality that we in the 21st century no longer "have any vernacular for addressing some ordinary garden variety darkness. In the newspaper, there is a crossword puzzle and a jumble and a sudoku and a KenKen but no Little Corner of Darkness with a melting scream face in it ('Find the Melting Scream Face. Level: Advanced')." Loh has given voice and vitality to this darkness, and her acknowledgement of it is comforting, making us feel less alone, and that's a great start and a precious gift. I highly recommend The Madwoman in the Volvo for every woman I know who is over 40. It might just make you look forward to 50.
May 4, 2018
A bizarre book about an ordinary and flawed woman and mother going through perimenopause and menopause, making mistakes both hugely consequential and minute, while along the way learning how to cope and accepting herself because there really isn't another alternative. I didn't love this book, and until the last 60 pages or so was predicting it would be a 2 star review, but having recently been through early menopause myself, I profoundly enjoyed the ending.
I found her insights about fertility years being the exception versus the norm of who women actually are kind of rhapsodically fresh and a brilliant way to forgive ourselves in the lapses of maternal joys that felt so natural and easy before menopause. I related strongly to the ideas that before this period of my physiology that I didn't begrudge the cooking and cleaning and caretaking as much as I do now, and maybe I can blame that on hormones that my body just doesn't make anymore. That doesn't mean thise things don't still matter or need to be done, but it does mean that its ok to let go of the guilt, gloom and doom about feeling badly about how much we just don't give as much of a shit as we feel like we should. It's a freeing way of approaching the inconveniences of life versus a self flagellating one.
The goal isn't to allow yourself to be selfish all of a sudden - still fight that urge-- but to extend yourself some grace when you screw up and act that way by mistake. Embrace the mistake, learn from it, keep going, be better and find ways that make being better easier. Menopause is a crazy time for a lot of us, and it can't be stopped, so hold on for the ride and try not to crash and burn your life while it tries to yank your steering wheel. 3 stars.
I found her insights about fertility years being the exception versus the norm of who women actually are kind of rhapsodically fresh and a brilliant way to forgive ourselves in the lapses of maternal joys that felt so natural and easy before menopause. I related strongly to the ideas that before this period of my physiology that I didn't begrudge the cooking and cleaning and caretaking as much as I do now, and maybe I can blame that on hormones that my body just doesn't make anymore. That doesn't mean thise things don't still matter or need to be done, but it does mean that its ok to let go of the guilt, gloom and doom about feeling badly about how much we just don't give as much of a shit as we feel like we should. It's a freeing way of approaching the inconveniences of life versus a self flagellating one.
The goal isn't to allow yourself to be selfish all of a sudden - still fight that urge-- but to extend yourself some grace when you screw up and act that way by mistake. Embrace the mistake, learn from it, keep going, be better and find ways that make being better easier. Menopause is a crazy time for a lot of us, and it can't be stopped, so hold on for the ride and try not to crash and burn your life while it tries to yank your steering wheel. 3 stars.
December 14, 2014
This book is rather formulaic as far as middle-aged women's memoirs go: announce one's poor life choices in a brazen manner, indicate a little remorse, make fun of yourself liberally, mention wine at least once every few pages. In addition, do some research on health issues and paraphrase what you've learned. Then discount it all and offer wine as the best cure.
What would it be like to read a memoir where someone was honestly repentant about their mistakes? Is that too much of a downer for today's readers?!!? And how can someone talk about how carefully they parent and how they don't want to mess up their kids, then be such a disaster when it comes to marriage, divorce, and cohabitation?
What really turned me off this book was the small mention in the Acknowledgements section about her sister and "the character of Kaitlin, whom she inspired." So basically I read a book that purported to be about someone's real life, but one of the main characters was made-up? Or based on reality, but shaped by imagination? Aaaarrrgh. Memoirs are such carefully-constructed things. Just wait till I write my own--ha!
What would it be like to read a memoir where someone was honestly repentant about their mistakes? Is that too much of a downer for today's readers?!!? And how can someone talk about how carefully they parent and how they don't want to mess up their kids, then be such a disaster when it comes to marriage, divorce, and cohabitation?
What really turned me off this book was the small mention in the Acknowledgements section about her sister and "the character of Kaitlin, whom she inspired." So basically I read a book that purported to be about someone's real life, but one of the main characters was made-up? Or based on reality, but shaped by imagination? Aaaarrrgh. Memoirs are such carefully-constructed things. Just wait till I write my own--ha!
July 31, 2015
No. It gets better as it goes along, but no. I think this probably works as a stand up comic routine, but in print it feels shallow. There are a few good scenes – one in which she flies up to an old friend’s funeral where she knows no one and discovers he was depressed despite the happy Christmas cards. Or when she looks at celadon bowl filled with persimmons in a manicured store and realizes her life is not that. (I think this is what she realizes.) Her father adds grit to this tale but it still feels like a confessional of the utterly self-absorbed elite.
I was reminded of Briget Bardot who at 50 felt the need to publicly proclaim a warning to all women that their bodies would get old. I am paraphrasing here “ I did everything I could for this body and it still got old.”
I can’t decide if that’s funny or sad. Same with Madwoman in the Volvo.
I was reminded of Briget Bardot who at 50 felt the need to publicly proclaim a warning to all women that their bodies would get old. I am paraphrasing here “ I did everything I could for this body and it still got old.”
I can’t decide if that’s funny or sad. Same with Madwoman in the Volvo.
September 18, 2014
I vote Sandra Tsing Loh to be most likely to be included in my group of friends on a trip to a day spa for wine, brunch and massages. I know she would fit right in with my brilliant witty girlfriends. She is like the friend that gets me and experiences things I experience just a mere two years ahead of me. I am her demographic.
In her latest personal memoir Loh takes on her year of surviving perimenopause hormonal changes while dealing with the fall-out from her divorce (which was famously chronicled in the Atlantic) while dealing with tweens and an aging father. Let's just say I can relate to all of it and it is good to know it will all come out well in the end.
Thank you Sandra--the Gail Sheehy for Generation X.
In her latest personal memoir Loh takes on her year of surviving perimenopause hormonal changes while dealing with the fall-out from her divorce (which was famously chronicled in the Atlantic) while dealing with tweens and an aging father. Let's just say I can relate to all of it and it is good to know it will all come out well in the end.
Thank you Sandra--the Gail Sheehy for Generation X.
September 5, 2014
I loved this book. I saw Sandra speak at my hometown bookstore and she was gracious and SO funny. She signed my book and spoke to each person so interestedly. Then I went home and read it . . . ! I am not quite there yet hormonally at 46, but I am certainly neck deep in the "cutting crusts off sandwiches" years, and wow, just reading her words made me feel so much better about the deadening sameness of it all. I have so much in common with her, down to the dumb dieting app "Lose It" we have on our phones. (And later I read that she had once been fired from her show on NPR for saying the word "F**K on a show about knitting. Now I want to be her friend.)
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May 8, 2015This book will be more fully reviewed in a Snotty Literati discussion on humor and comedy. We really don't have a date yet.
I did get pretty nervous about menopause while reading this. I really don't hear too much about it. It's not going to happen to me.
I loved her stuff about her kids, and I agree: we are obligated to listen to their nonstop blather, but we are NOT obligated to listen to them retelling us the plots of their TV shows. Spare me the details of GOOD LUCK, CHARLIE and JUST ADD H20.
Sandra Tsing Loh is more than just funny and menopausal--which I think I will continue denying--she's a great writer.
I did get pretty nervous about menopause while reading this. I really don't hear too much about it. It's not going to happen to me.
I loved her stuff about her kids, and I agree: we are obligated to listen to their nonstop blather, but we are NOT obligated to listen to them retelling us the plots of their TV shows. Spare me the details of GOOD LUCK, CHARLIE and JUST ADD H20.
Sandra Tsing Loh is more than just funny and menopausal--which I think I will continue denying--she's a great writer.
July 15, 2014
Yes wry. Yes disarming. Ms. Loh's self-awareness (see confessions to therapist later in book), her honesty, and the fearless and terribly funny descriptions of the messes she made (and how she attempted to clean them up) in a verrrry topsy-turvy period of her life are stunning.
Bonus: she includes solid information on what women may experience in perimenopause and menopause.
For me, reading the book was like having a weekend visit with a most delightful and imaginative, infuriatingly selfish, stunningly generous friend, the kind I can't do without.
Bonus: she includes solid information on what women may experience in perimenopause and menopause.
For me, reading the book was like having a weekend visit with a most delightful and imaginative, infuriatingly selfish, stunningly generous friend, the kind I can't do without.
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