Hitched : The Modern Women and Arranged Marriage

by Nandini Krishnan

If you are an Indian woman and old enough to legally bear children, chances are that an overweight relative has asked you, while fondly stroking their pot belly, 'When am I going to eat at your wedding?' The modern Indian woman's attitude to marriage and especially to arranged marriage is a confused one. As traditional matchmaking methods and internet chat rooms come together to build matrimonial websites, our parameters have changed, but the time-honoured practice of arranged marriage sticks. Hitched explores in depth the considerations matrimony should involve and the issues that can crop up at different stages of an arranged marriage. A cross-section of women those who married young, married late, married the first man their parents parked before them or married out of caste in an arranged setup open up about experiences ranging from the frightening to the hilarious and the aww-inspiring.

Genres: Nonfiction

272 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2013

Reviews

[Sanjana Gopalakrishnan · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was a very vanilla book. I expected it to have a lot more variety because this is such a hot topic these days, but a large amount of the stories were i hate to say it upper-caste city dwelling women. I know the title mentions modern women but i don’t know why i had higher expectations. Also, i found some of the stories mildly sexist especially ones where the women were talking about roles and expectations. I guess these expectations are true for a lot of indian families and often it cannot be helped, but well i would have loved to hear stories of women who didn’t simply accept that as a way of life and fought back.

[Sneha Divakaran · Rating 1 out of 5]

Every match plays with some form of regressive idea touted as normal. So much missed opportunity to make it funny, light hearted. Don’t read it.

[Sandy S · Rating 1 out of 5]

Note: This book and review is limited to heterosexual marriages.

A lot of accounts of marriage talk about the journey TO marriage. This book covered both, the pre-marriage and post-marriage journey.

You can see that the sample space of storytellers is limited to South Indian Upper Caste women. And almost all of them advocate one important recipe for the success of marriage: That women are the multitaskers, who have it in them to be organized, manage the house and cooking and bring up the kids more than their male counterparts, who have to "train" their husbands if they really hope for some help, and working is a privilege if they have energy left after managing the house and cooking for everyone in the family. The husbands are the heads, breadwinners of the family by default, they are innately terrible at managing the house and the kids even if they try, because of oh my, poor boys, they've had such low standards of living and cleanliness while they were bachelors, they need a woman to sort their life out for them and marriage is their ticket. The woman HAS TO make more compromises than the man for any marriage to work. It's the woman's duty to wipe away her in-laws' insecurity about their son being "snatched", but if the man is nice to his in-laws, it's "Oh my goodness! This man is diamond!"

Now, I understand it doesn't make sense to keep measuring if the contribution to the marriage is 50-50, both parties should feel like doing more than 50-50. In fact, I believe there should be phases where the woman is contributing more, and phases where the man is, and over a longer period of time, they balance out. But I find it disappointing that women just settled for marriages knowing that their husbands expect the women to compromise more. And then, they shame women who look out for themselves. "Oh that woman, she's so selfish, she went on a trip leaving her family behind, what terrible character." If the man does the same, "Men are men. They need their boy gang party once in a while to function through their oh so difficult professional life." While the woman is expected to pretty much lose most of her identity to make the marriage work, the guy earning the bread and butter and staying loyal is good enough.

Times are changing, women are speaking up when marriages are getting too one sided, which makes most insights drawn from this book obsolete in this day and age. In fact, this book is more of a fair warning to readers about what expectations from marriage they shouldn't entertain.

Might have considered giving 2 stars, if the writing style was slightly more pleasing, but it read more like an information book that I'd refer if I had to write an assignment on this topic.

[Book'd Hitu · Rating 1 out of 5]

Not my cup of tea - may be.
This book is a collection of pre and post marriage experiences of various women from different backgrounds.
Didn't appealed me much & I don't want to drag for the sake of completing, hence left midway.

[Vishwas · Rating 4 out of 5]

The concept of marriage itself is grey, not B&W so there exists confusion and chaos in choosing a life partner. Looking at the current scenario of the marriage marketplace, this book provides a good insight into matchmaking. More of the cons have been dealt with which might put people into fear, but it might itself be the norm. I can say from a bit of experience that be it love or arranged, you don't get to know a person until s/he is in that personal space of living with other. Overall the book is a good insightful read experience.

[Rohit Gupta · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book contains stories about how marriages turn out to be in first few months and what traits people look in searching through Arrange Marriage route.There is some learning you can take but it’s not something new you will come across.Pretty relatable for people in Arrange marriage scenarios.Overall would recommend for a light read

[Athena · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are a young girl entering the marriage market, this book is a great insight into what to expect. However, the book does have some outdated views given that it was written almost 10 years ago.
I would've given the book 5 starts but it was a very slow paced book.

[Meenal · Rating 3 out of 5]

Breezy read about the experiences of women in the marriage market who got matches out of it.

[Kunal Kale · Rating 5 out of 5]

every women should read this.

[Shrestha Dey · Rating 4 out of 5]

'Hitched: The Modern Woman And Arranged Marriage' by @nandinikrishnanofficial who is a play writer and a journalist write real-life stories from 25 urban-liberal women at different stages of marriage. Any woman would relate to this book because the very first line will tell you why. “If you’re an Indian woman and old enough to legally bear children, chances are that an overweight relative has asked you, while fondly stroking their potbelly, ‘When am I going to eat at your wedding?’
The book shows us how the arranged marriages have evolved over generations. What exactly happens during an arranged marriage? Does the woman marry anyone that her family feels fit for her? Or are the lines between arranged and love marriage blurring?
The book features anecdotes about an arranged marriage, along with stories of 32 women who chose the arranged- marriage route. Everyone has a different perspective about what it is.
The women featured in the book are from across the country, different religions, in various stages of marriage, and belong to various professions. The author wrote for the people who are divorced, spoke to NRI women who came here to get married and women who married NRIs, those who are Army wives, and many more.
She also did talk to a few men, but that was just for the footnote. They do get to answer to all the things that have been said against them, but through the book, you’ll realize that in the end, you can’t define arranged marriage. Because every woman has a check box that she is constantly ticking.
The author has put in great effort to make sure that the stories cover every possible scenario so that the reader is not confused at the end. While the first few stories are a little ordinary, the remaining are good. The book turned out as it was expected to be witty and humorous. Light humor and punch lines stay till the last page. The author has used fluent language which communicates her ideas. Everyone should read this weather marrying now or later in whichever way you will get married. Do not read it as a guide to married life, but more of an experience

[Skashinath · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm quite confused about my opinion of this book. but I'm leaning more towards not liking it.

I liked reading some stories, agreed with some, thought some were exaggerations, and completely disliked others. I also thought that the book was too long and that some parts were repetitive.

I'd recommend the book if the topic of marriage and in particular, arranged marriage attracts you. If not, it's better avoided.

[Vidya · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a concept this book intrigued me. There were some stories that I liked far more than the others. Some I could relate to. Some I felt were repetitive. I would have enjoyed the book more if the author had written more about the stories of how the couples came to be couples. but I guess that will make for another book.

[Samarpita Sharma · Rating 3 out of 5]

http://sankshvet.blogspot.in/2013/09/...

[Neeraj Khera · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amazing...!

[Hamsini · Rating 2 out of 5]

.

[Sagnik Ghoshal · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is just a collection of stories from individuals. Few funny ones manage to draw a snort and well, that's it. So-so.