Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression

by Kerry Connelly

Having had anxieties since childhood, nothing was to prepare her for the violent convulsions and hours of un-controllable sobbing that had started to take over her life, as the stress and trauma of psychological abuse manifested itself in the form of major depressive disorder, severe panic disorder and anxiety with Ocd.

Shaken is the story of one woman’s journey with deteriorating mental health while under the control of an emotional abuser. It serves to acknowledge that any form of psychological abuse at any severity is unacceptable and shows just how quickly the trauma of such can give birth to a variety of mental health issues.

Separated by sections of comprehensive reference and checklist material to inform readers about the signs of emotional abuse and depression, as well as advice for friends as well as sufferers, Shaken digs deep into the heart of a woman who hopes to dispel the ignorance and lack of understanding regarding both issues by using her own experiences as an example.

A stark, honest and well written read from the pen of an emotional abuse survivor.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Mental Illness, Self Help, Counselling, Abuse, Psychology

215 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 5, 2013

About the author

'Shaken' proudly wears the prestigious Reader's Favorite 5 star seal of approval and has been endorsed by writers, readers and reviewers alike. International best-selling author Jean Sasson (Princess: A true story of life behind the veil in Saudi Arabia.) names 'Shaken' as ‘An Important book which will prove to be invaluable’. Readers have called 'Shaken', “Intelligent and Inspiring” “A real page turner!” and “A candid and sobering look into emotional abuse and depression.”
Both Shaken and 'The Missing Piece: A Transformational Journey' joined the ranks of amazon best-sellers in their perspective categories.

Reviews

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shaken – Kerry Connelly’s emotional rollercoaster and educational journey into abuse and depression.

I loved Shaken. As someone who has dealt with abuse of a different kind, reading someone else’s real life story on the matter was somewhat therapeutic to me, and I think it will be to others. In fact I think it will encourage others to share their stories of abuse, too.

What I loved about Shaken was the way that Kerry has shared her story about what ‘he’ put her through (omitting to share the name of ‘him’ was something I actually cheered about as I agree with Kerry, someone who can do that is not worthy of having his name shared for the world to know.), but also that she managed to turn this into a highly educational book on the subject matter. Not only does Kerry include so much valuable information – checklists, websites and the likes, but she also focuses on the loved ones of the abused, giving great advice on how to recognise the signs, how to help etc. Sometimes you read a book on a similar subject and there may be a link or two at the end and everything except the telling of the story is overlooked, but Kerry has gone to great lengths to make sure that these are given a lot of time and attention and are as much a part of Shaken as her own story is.

Shaken also touches on the fact that still, emotional abuse is a topic that to some of the world, is not seen as ‘real’ or important enough to take seriously, and with her story I hope Kerry shows how real it is and that especially more medical professionals need to recognise that emotional abuse and depression are still treat by some as matters that can be swept to one side, and this is not the case!

I was so pleased with the end of Kerry’s story and that she showed that she found her Mr Right and it can happen for everyone else, and I hope this gives anyone in an abusive situation that hope and encouragement to see it can happen for them, too.

Well done, Kerry, a 5 star from me!

[kisha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is a truth for many people around the world. This is a story about emotional abuse. So many people are in abusive relationships and don't recognize it. This book would be a great aid for many people going through abuse. I like all the references to the different types of abuse and symptoms. The author is obviously extremely knowledgeable on the subject. I commend her for escaping her situation and getting the help needed. Also liked that even though the subject matter is heavy, there were several moments of humor and I absolutely love the sarcastic undertone of the narrators voice. I couldn't help but notice that the 'villian' in this story had no name. I loved that she didn't glorify the character with a name because he was hateful and undeserving. Big Kudos to Kerry Connelly!

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

“How can you tell you’re being emotionally abused? How can you spot the signs? After all, emotional abuse doesn’t leave any physical evidence. The thing is, if you’re asking yourself this question from a personal situational standpoint, it’s more than likely that you are being emotionally abused and being confused about it often comes part in parcel with the abuse as part of its conditioning.”

What an admirable creation Kerry Connelley has written. This is truly an eye-opening book. Not only is it about Kerry's own experiences of exacerbated depressive-anxiety symptoms within an abusive relationship, Kerry also seeks to create awareness around issues of emotional abuse and depression in her first 52 pages and includs a Help and Advice section at the end of the book.

Kerry thoroughly examines the victim's experience from the inside out, as well as clearly outlining the behaviours and beliefs of an emotional abuser. In this way, no one can be confused about whether they are in an abusive relationship or not; the facts are laid out for them. Though Kerry writes with the experience of being a victim, Kerry champions her work with a voice that is strong, intelligent and inspiring. While urging us to keep in mind “that the abuser is ‘troubled themselves,” Kerry also clearly states that “You are not and will never have been the reason why a person decides to abuse, no matter how many times they may tell you that you’re the cause of their behaviour. – You are not,” and “No one deserves to be treated in a way that is hurtful, degrading and fearful.”

This review is not only a review of Kerry's hard work in writing this book, but is also an account of my experience with Kerry as a person who is passionate about encouraging people towards an awareness on emotional abuse and mental health issues. While Kerry is not a medical professional, she has courageously instigated online forums for discussion of these issues and in the process has positively affected many lives.

Before meeting Kerry, I was only subtley aware of what emotional abuse actually looked like. It was through talking with Kerry and being in her online forums, that I came to understand it better and how it is a more subtle form of controlling a victim. I also came to realize that the victim may not even be fully aware that it is happening to them, as their support systems and confidence in themselves are both whittled away. Then once they do realize it, they may find it hard to accept that they have gotten themselves into a relationship like this, or they may feel too dependent on what the relationship is offering to muster the sense of self to get out, further, they may be too fearful to be spouting the term “abuser” around regarding a mate who people may not recognize as abusive. The fear that others may look on him/her as “mentally unstable,” or not really 'help-able,' is a real fear for these people. This is the rub though, since the emotional-abuser does activate mental health issues in their partner, it makes the victim look less believable to others and thus instills further control. It is understandable when a victim is so hesitant intitially to know how to get out of a situation like this, especially if they don't fully believe that their partner is abusive, or come up with various excuses for their partner's behaviour such as; things will get better, they love him, he's stressed, he has some past-trauma, this behaviour is 'normal' in relationships, or that they 'deserved' it due to the nature of the relationship dynamic that has been instilled. The facts though, are that if the partner is emotionally-abusive; there is no changing them, they are resistive to any change, the relationship no longer becomes about love, things will get worse and you deserve better!

In reading her book now that it's about to be published, I see more and more subtle clues of abusive tendencies that I normally may have brushed off if someone had mentioned them to me regarding their relationship. It is courageous for Kerry to seek to help others be more fully aware of even the small things that may seem unimportant, but when they accumulate to the point of severely affecting your health, your relationships, your job, your sense of self or purpose in life and, ultimately, your happiness; these are huge indicators of what is not right.

Not only is Kerry an advocate against emotional abuse, but Kerry bravely advocates for awareness of, and for those with, various mental illness'. Kerry is a compassionate and hard-working support to those who struggle with restrictions, a truly kindred spirit, and I look forward to reading many more of her writings!

[Jennifer (Jaye) (Comments frustration) · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Upon my first reading of 'Shaken' I wondered how it was going to be presented, my thoughts were how much of it would be a self help book? or would there be a story? Well it is both I am pleased to say, at times difficult to read; I found that it set off a few triggers for me but it helps that it is written in a very intelligent clear and precise way. This is a revealing brave story of one Woman's journey (without giving too much away) from hitting rock bottom to finding a way to becoming herself again. It also highlights the importance of your inner voice or sixth sense. I had tears in my eyes for most of the book.

'Shaken forced me to visit a dark time in my life at the start of the book, by the end of the book it reminded me that I am now in a much better place. I think it is the fact I emphasized with the Author and I would describe it as an emotional roller coaster ride'
A real page turner that will stay with me for a very long time'.

[Chris Frandsen · Rating 1 out of 5]

Shaken is an amazing story showing emotional abuse in it's many forms. Kerry starts the book off with different definitions of abuse, talking about the different kinds of abuse. This was very helpful because it really laid out what abuse is. When reading the definitions and examples she laid out I started to think about times in my past when I was the victim of emotional abuse. Things I had passed off as normal and had lived with and through. After learning all about what emotional abuse is Kerry tells us a story, in great detail, of the emotional abuse she herself had suffered.

This is the real meat of the book and where it truly shines. Kerry's emotional abuser was a past boyfriend referred to only as "HIM" or "HE". No name is given but we all know who she is talking about. I was a little skeptical about not having a name for such a major character but the exclusion of a name in this sense is what makes the book all the more powerful. In several of Kerry's pieces about her emotional abuse I was able to put my own emotional abuser in the place of "HIM" and it opened my eyes in a very big way.

I suffered through emotional abuse in some very similar ways to Kerry. Her book gave me the strength to admit that I had been through a very emotional abusive relationship. Due to living through and surviving such a long emotionally abusive relationship I developed my own abusive traits. Not only was I able to relate to Kerry in this story but I found that in some ways I can see how what I do and how I act make me very similar to "HIM" as well.

Her book gave me the strength to admit that I had been through a very emotional abusive relationship and helped me look at how I currently live my life and how I treat others. Kerry herself is not a doctor or a professional, just a normal person who was brave enough to share her story with the world. The strength she helped me gain has lead to me seeking out professional help to deal with the aftermath of my own emotional abuse. I'm learning how to overcome my past and how to be a better person in my future.

This is an amazingly powerful and well written book. Everyone should read it and learn how much their actions can effect those around them.

[Bobbie Grob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read by Bobbie Grob for Readers' Favorites

Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression by Kerry Connelly is a first-hand look at the effects of abuse at the hands of her partner, as well as the depression and anxiety that colored the author’s life. This differs from other books about abuse in that Kerry was not physically abused, rather she was emotionally battered down over a period of months. This is a true story of how a relationship can start and then slowly, sneakily turn abusive, almost before the abused knows what is happening. From suggestions on how to better herself to criticism with a smile to screaming rages in which she was verbally flattened time and again, I was able to see how the abuse escalated. So many women think it could never happen to them, but Kerry thought that at one time as well.

One thing I really appreciated about this book was that it does tackle emotional abuse. So many people believe that if a person is not being beaten, they’re not really being abused. Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression by Kerry Connelly is a quick read as she candidly shares her story, and also offers a wonderfully in-depth look at many of the things she endured. She lists things to watch for, she tells how a depressed person feels, and how an abused person feels. She lists things that friends and family can do, and equally important, what they should not do or say. There is also a wonderful resource section that will surely help someone who is in a bad situation. I feel like I have a much better understanding of emotional abuse and depression, and I am grateful that Kerry is still around to tell her tale.

[Kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

My hope is for 'Shaken' to resonate with those who are in need of some clarity and support in their own lives.
"The woman in the story IS me, yet she is not me, she never was me nor will she ever be me again."

[Jammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kerry Connelly gives us a firsthand look at the effects that emotional abuse can have on a person in her inspiring story Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression. Several authors have written firsthand accounts of physical abuse and rush to escape, but this is the first one I've read about being emotionally abused. Over several months, Kerry entered a relationship and was slowly battered down until she became a shell of her former self. I like how she talked about how it started innocently enough, and then soon became a full blown abusive relationship in which she had to take time off work and could not function, and he did all of that without laying a hand on her.

The thing I really love about this book is that it gives a voice to people who used to not have a voice. I've heard friends say, well, he doesn't hit me, it's not abuse. This validates that emotional abuse is in fact a form of abuse, and in some cases more devestating to the person being abused. They look the same on the outside, but their insides are what takes the brunt of the abuse, and that is very hard to fix. This is a good fast read that really covers a lot of ground. Her story also has hotlines, and checklists for people in abusive relationships. She also lists how to help someone who is in an abusive relationship, so friends and family do not have to sit idly by and watch their loved one fall apart. One thing I really appreciated about this book was that it does tackle emotional abuse. So many people believe that if a person is not being beaten, they’re not really being abused. Shaken: A Story of Emotional Abuse and Depression by Kerry Connelly is a quick read as she candidly shares her story, and also offers a wonderfully in-depth look at many of the things she endured. She lists things to watch for, she tells how a depressed person feels, and how an abused person feels. She lists things that friends and family can do, and equally important, what they should not do or say. By writing this book, hopefully she can reach some people and help them to get out of relationships that are abusive.

[Jasmyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's not often you find a book that speaks so clearly and honestly, that you can feel the intent of the story so clearly. 'Shaken' is such a book. Not having been through any type of abuse or severe depression myself, Shaken has helped me to see my friend in a different light regarding the sections on depression. I felt so bad hearing what the hold of depression can be like, and was able to see the signs of depression of a friend I have through this book. Thanks to the self-help sections made for friends of the depressed (and abused) I've been able to see that my friend needs help and support. A great book for all.

[Barb · Rating 5 out of 5]

Both a novel and a self-help book. Shaken details the increasing depression and panic brought on by a psychological abusive relationship. The author is extremely honest and writes with no holds barred about her increasing disorders while offering advise,tips and checklists for those who may find themselves in a similar place - either with psychological abuse, depression - or both.
Also includes self-help sections for loved ones of those who are dealing with depression or abuse which I found to be a really great addition to a very important book.

[Daniel Kalinowski · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can tell when an author really believes in their story!
Shaken is such a book.
Written with a no-holds-barred outlook on emotional abuse and depression, written from the first person with heaps of self-help material for sufferers and their families of abuse and mental illness.amazing.

[A.M. Torres · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read many books on physical abuse in relationships and the damages it leaves not to mention trauma. Shaken is probably the first real book I have read where the author covers a different kind of abuse, the emotional one. Being talked down too, being made to feel inferior, for example emotional abuse can be severe and it takes a lot for people to even know its going on. Kerry Connelly does a great job explaining so much of this type of abuse even while you feel her pain since she is sharing her own experiences. She not only shares her experiences she also shares signs we should be aware of (to know if you're being emotionally abused) and where to get help. Shaken is a great book and I highly recommend it for anyone going through emotional abuse and depression. It is a great read overall even if just to become aware of this type of abuse. I highly recommended it.

A.M Torres
Author of Love Child

[Dermot Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a marvelous look into the nature of emotional abuse in a "romantic" relationship which serves many purposes at once. Not only does it provide valuable definitions of the wide-ranging mental and emotional states associated with emotional abuse but drawing on her own experience, the author presents an in-depth case study of a female victim in an emotionally abusive relationship, which makes for harrowing reading at times. Considering the overall lack of knowledge, interest or understanding of the dysfunctional types of relationships that women particularly can find themselves involved with, this comprehensive case study and guide is a welcome addition to the literature of what should be a more acknowledged and understood phenomena.

[Lorna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short but informative book

Shaken is a well written account of one woman's experience in an emotionally abusive relationship. Anyone who is living in an emotionally abusive relationship will find a friend in the author and her account. They will also find hope for healing and resources to help them on their journey. Nice job putting a face on emotional abuse and calling it what it truly is!

[Melissa ♥ Dog/Wolf Lover ♥ Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book did bring me back to a lot of the jerks I was with, including my husband that gave me similiar mental abuse. I already suffered from anxiety and depression all of my life, which now has turned into panic disorder, agoraphobia and ocd.

I can relate to a lot of the things the author went through in this book. I can also say having these kinds of disorders most people do not understand what the person goes through. They think you can just "get over it". It's not different then having any other kind of disease, you can't get "get over it" can you. In time, with any luck, you might can fight the battle.

Thank you for sharing your book with the world my friend.