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Letting Go of Your Ex: CBT Skills to Heal the Pain of a Breakup and Overcome Love Addiction
For those struggling with relationship addiction, or ''love addiction,'' a breakup can feel overwhelming. Letting Go of Your Ex offers evidence-based skills and techniques grounded in cognitive behavioral therapy to help combat symptoms such as emotional distress, impulsive behavior, and obsessive rumination. With this compassionate and nonjudgmental guide, readers will find the tools needed to recover from love addiction, create a new life without their ex, and start focusing on what makes them happy.
288 pages, Paperback
Published July 4, 2023
64 people are currently reading
2058 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
November 16, 2022
Thank you, New Harbinger Publications, for the advance reading copy.
Divided into three main sections with nine chapters in total, I feel this book is a must guidebook for the one who needs it.
I say never underestimate the power of a good guidebook like this for the pain of going through breakups is as real as it is unreal to the ones who aren’t going through it.
I find the presentation of each chapter really interesting and it propels the reader forward to read more for more guidance as the reader goes on reading.
The book starts with the obvious feeling of being still addicted to our exes and how to deal with such situations from there on.
My favourite parts will be the second section. It deals with how to think clearly about the breakup, try to know the relationship we were in.
I would highly suggest you to check out the recommended reading and references given towards the end of the book.
A must have! For someone you would feel this book would be of great help.
Divided into three main sections with nine chapters in total, I feel this book is a must guidebook for the one who needs it.
I say never underestimate the power of a good guidebook like this for the pain of going through breakups is as real as it is unreal to the ones who aren’t going through it.
I find the presentation of each chapter really interesting and it propels the reader forward to read more for more guidance as the reader goes on reading.
The book starts with the obvious feeling of being still addicted to our exes and how to deal with such situations from there on.
My favourite parts will be the second section. It deals with how to think clearly about the breakup, try to know the relationship we were in.
I would highly suggest you to check out the recommended reading and references given towards the end of the book.
A must have! For someone you would feel this book would be of great help.
May 24, 2025
After my separation and divorce, Letting Go of Your Ex was recommended as a resource to help me move on. Unfortunately, by the time I picked up the book, my relationship with my ex had evolved into a much healthier place, and I couldn’t relate to the “exaholic” feelings the book focuses on. That made it difficult to connect with the material on a personal level.
That said, the book offers practical advice on using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to break free from self-destructive thought patterns that keep your mind fixed on a past relationship that failed or wasn't healthy. It also includes stories from others, which helped normalize difficult emotions and reinforce that you’re not alone during this difficult time in your life.
However, as someone familiar with CBT, I didn’t find the way CBT was presented in this book particularly relatable or helpful. I also wasn't a fan of the 12-step model of addiction recovery being applied to relationship healing.
In the end, while Letting Go of Your Ex wasn't the right fit for me at this stage in my separation/divorce. I do believe that it could be helpful for those feeling emotionally stuck after a breakup and want to understand better how CBT can support healing.
That said, the book offers practical advice on using cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) to break free from self-destructive thought patterns that keep your mind fixed on a past relationship that failed or wasn't healthy. It also includes stories from others, which helped normalize difficult emotions and reinforce that you’re not alone during this difficult time in your life.
However, as someone familiar with CBT, I didn’t find the way CBT was presented in this book particularly relatable or helpful. I also wasn't a fan of the 12-step model of addiction recovery being applied to relationship healing.
In the end, while Letting Go of Your Ex wasn't the right fit for me at this stage in my separation/divorce. I do believe that it could be helpful for those feeling emotionally stuck after a breakup and want to understand better how CBT can support healing.
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February 4, 2025Can’t wait to use this in my next fanfic.
September 7, 2025
My supervisor recommended this book to help address some cases in my therapy practice where clients have struggled to move on from difficult relationships. This is a helpful guide to break the addictive pattern of returning to someone who is harmful (or at least not helpful) but captivating. The author provides cbt tools to assess the situation and begin logging and challenging distressing thoughts brought on from withdrawals when trying to detach from this type of relationship.
October 23, 2023
This is an excellent book for helping to heal the pain and loss associated with a difficult break up. The book contains practical advice in using cognitive behavioral therapy to exit self destructive thoughts that keep your mind focused on a past relationship that failed or wasn’t healthy for you. There are stories about other people, which helps normalize your thoughts and creates a feeling that you’re not the only one struggling. There are also practical exercises and steps to take, so you’re not left wondering how to apply the therapy taught throughout. I read this book from start to finish, but it’s structured to have you work through each chapter in a more methodical way. Honestly both approaches would probably be helpful. Reading the book through completely before actually taking the steps helps you understand how the therapy should work and the various components that go into the healing. Specifically, the first section teaches you how to change your way of thinking about your ex. It provides specific techniques to help you when you have self destructive thoughts about your past relationship. It then applies a similar technique for having you change how you think about yourself and your behavior. It then goes more into early development and how your upbringing and culture played a role in how you show up in relationships. Finally, it helps you identify values that will form the basis for your future relationships and how you see yourself when interacting with other people.
I highly recommend this book for anyone struggling with the loss associated with a difficult breakup.
I highly recommend this book for anyone struggling with the loss associated with a difficult breakup.
December 4, 2023
I so wanted to like this book...
In my therapy practice I work with a lot of womxn that are trying to change unhelpful relationship and attachment patterns and want to decrease post-break up anxious or insecure attachment-fueled patterns like obsessive or intrusive thoughts and behaviors towards their ex. I was so excited that this might be a new resource to help, but, sadly, I was overall really disappointed with it and am not likely to recommend it to my clients.
Here's What I Did Not Like, From a Therapeutic Perspective:
- Heavily Relies on the 12-Step Model of Addiction Recovery: I am very much not aligned with the 12-step model for the treatment of anything for various reasons - one of which being that it is disempowering imo, deeply entrenched with religiosity, and perpetuates shame and guilt. You don't need to be religious or surrender to a higher power to change cognitive/behavioral patterns or cope with a break up.
-Unhelpful Labeling/Judgment Based Language: Labeling and shame based language are inherent in the 12 step model so it makes sense that I felt much of the book used shame/blame/illness-based language. While relationship patterns can have similarities with patterns of addiction, the idea of addiction in the book seemed to carry a tone of moral failing or poor willpower. The cognitive/behavioral patterns in our relationships are often rooted in patterns of attachment (an adaptive, fundamental survival need) and it takes time and effort to begin to notice and change these patterns. In addition, anxiety and other mental health diagnoses can include intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts, and compulsive behaviors that are not selected by the individual.
There also seemed to be a tinge of religiosity, stereotypes, and judgments throughout the book that may have been related to the author not being fully aware of her own internal biases coming out in her writing.
-"Forgiveness": The author encourages "forgiveness" of an ex in a way that felt like a religious trope. I'm not saying forgiveness is a bad thing, if someone apologizes and you choose to forgive them that's wonderful. But I disagree with the idea that someone must forgive in order to heal from a break up. "Forgiveness" has implications of wiping the slate clean, absolving responsibility, or ceasing to have any negative emotions. The idea of "forgiveness" in this way could arguably contribute to gaslighting, toxic positivity, and potentially the unreasonable expectation for someone coming out of a toxic or abusive relationship to forgive their abuser. Regardless of the situation, you are not required to "forgive" someone to heal and move forward.
Rather than "forgiveness", I encourage the practice of moving towards cognitive, behavioral, and emotional "acceptance" of the current reality of your particular situation. This includes accepting facts about the situation and decreasing black and white judgments of the situation, your emotions about it, or the people involved. However, acceptance doesn't require you to be "ok" with the other person or what happened. With acceptance you are allowed to have negative thoughts and feelings. Acceptance can take time, allows for nuance, and allows the existence of a completely normal grief process that includes hurt, anger, anxiety, etc. after a break up. And each break up comes with it's own set of factors that can impact how easy or difficult it is to accept.
-Apologizing to Your Ex: I often work with people that have been conditioned to people-please and as a result tend to over-apologize and self-blame. Everyone's situation is different and it's unhelpful to advise that everyone must apologize to heal from a break up. If apologizing happens it's should be after you have given yourself time to reflect on and acknowledge what you are responsible for, what was not aligned with how you want to show up in the world/what was damaging to the other person, you are clear on your goal for the apology and that goal is realistic and helpful ideally to both parties, you have considered how you will manage your reactions that may come up around any type of response/non-response from the other person. You also need to be mindful of if the other person has made any boundary requests of you that reaching out to apologize might violate.
- Basic Suggestions: The concepts are pretty intro-level Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) skills and if you are a provider, have been in therapy before, or are an avid self-help reader you likely will already be aware of the basic thought and behavior tracking, thought stopping, cognitive reframing, and behavior change skills mentioned.
- Little Focus on Challenges or Nuance: The book deals with pretty straightforward situations and doesn't offer a lot of suggestions for navigating common internal or external barriers that are likely to come up while navigating a break up. The practice exercises are also pretty textbook, idealistic. It doesn't convey the amount of time and non-linear process that might come with the grief around healing from a break up.
- Heavy Focus on Direct Contact: The suggestions deal mostly with lingering direct, overt contact with an ex - like continuing to reach out to them or see them. It does not focus as much as I had hoped on managing common indirect or internal forms of continued contact like obsessive or intrusive thoughts or behaviors that can get in the way of healing and can be amplified by other factors like anxiety, fear of abandonment, trauma, etc. The author does mention noting these indirect behaviors, tracking them, and not acting on them, but not much on ways to break these cycles or deal with barriers that can come up. Our own thoughts and behaviors can contribute just as much to staying stuck in a break up as actual continued direct contact with the person, so this can be something helpful to explore with a therapist or brainstorm some ideas on your own of ways you can set yourself up for success to decrease engagement in these patterns.
-CBT Only: It is right in the title, but imo Cogntive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) on its own can feel invalidating and is like only equipping someone with a hammer for a job they need multiple, specialized tools for. Some life events, inclusive of things we might experience in relationships or break ups, genuinely and objectively can make life more difficult and painful regardless of how much you try to remain optimistic. Not acknowledging difficulties can lead to increasing invalidation of self and get in the way of fully processing and addressing the situation. Some amount of tracking, questioning, and reframing our automatic thoughts is necessary, but it shouldn't be your only tool and it may not be sufficient for every situation.
- It wasn't great at explaining the idea of core beliefs we internalize in childhood and attachment issues that can impact how we approach relationships, breakups, and how we view self and others in the contexts of these situations.
- There is not enough acknowledgement of abusive relationships and ways the suggestions might not be applicable or safe in those situations.
-The booked is geared towards primarily cis, hetero, monogamous couples, but may have some information that is adaptable to others.
Some Pros:
- I'm glad the book exists so hopefully it can open the door to the creation of other resources on this topic.
-Some people may have no support or resources to help them get through a break up and this book would still be more helpful than nothing.
- There is still some useful information in it if you can maintain awareness of the problematic parts and adapt it to your situation.
-It could be helpful if you are new to CBT and thought/behavior tracking.
Summary:
As a therapist I'm not likely to recommend this book to my clients primarily because I felt it was heavy on shame, judgment, and atonement based language and suggestions from a 12 step framework. It lacked nuance and depth into addressing aspects of "addictive" behaviors that can occur post-break up. Two stars because it could be an ok introduction to thought/behavior tracking for a break up if you are new to self help, but I would still encourage discussing your insights/exercises with your own therapist as you go along for additional support.
*This review is not intended as therapy or mental health/medical advice*
In my therapy practice I work with a lot of womxn that are trying to change unhelpful relationship and attachment patterns and want to decrease post-break up anxious or insecure attachment-fueled patterns like obsessive or intrusive thoughts and behaviors towards their ex. I was so excited that this might be a new resource to help, but, sadly, I was overall really disappointed with it and am not likely to recommend it to my clients.
Here's What I Did Not Like, From a Therapeutic Perspective:
- Heavily Relies on the 12-Step Model of Addiction Recovery: I am very much not aligned with the 12-step model for the treatment of anything for various reasons - one of which being that it is disempowering imo, deeply entrenched with religiosity, and perpetuates shame and guilt. You don't need to be religious or surrender to a higher power to change cognitive/behavioral patterns or cope with a break up.
-Unhelpful Labeling/Judgment Based Language: Labeling and shame based language are inherent in the 12 step model so it makes sense that I felt much of the book used shame/blame/illness-based language. While relationship patterns can have similarities with patterns of addiction, the idea of addiction in the book seemed to carry a tone of moral failing or poor willpower. The cognitive/behavioral patterns in our relationships are often rooted in patterns of attachment (an adaptive, fundamental survival need) and it takes time and effort to begin to notice and change these patterns. In addition, anxiety and other mental health diagnoses can include intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts, and compulsive behaviors that are not selected by the individual.
There also seemed to be a tinge of religiosity, stereotypes, and judgments throughout the book that may have been related to the author not being fully aware of her own internal biases coming out in her writing.
-"Forgiveness": The author encourages "forgiveness" of an ex in a way that felt like a religious trope. I'm not saying forgiveness is a bad thing, if someone apologizes and you choose to forgive them that's wonderful. But I disagree with the idea that someone must forgive in order to heal from a break up. "Forgiveness" has implications of wiping the slate clean, absolving responsibility, or ceasing to have any negative emotions. The idea of "forgiveness" in this way could arguably contribute to gaslighting, toxic positivity, and potentially the unreasonable expectation for someone coming out of a toxic or abusive relationship to forgive their abuser. Regardless of the situation, you are not required to "forgive" someone to heal and move forward.
Rather than "forgiveness", I encourage the practice of moving towards cognitive, behavioral, and emotional "acceptance" of the current reality of your particular situation. This includes accepting facts about the situation and decreasing black and white judgments of the situation, your emotions about it, or the people involved. However, acceptance doesn't require you to be "ok" with the other person or what happened. With acceptance you are allowed to have negative thoughts and feelings. Acceptance can take time, allows for nuance, and allows the existence of a completely normal grief process that includes hurt, anger, anxiety, etc. after a break up. And each break up comes with it's own set of factors that can impact how easy or difficult it is to accept.
-Apologizing to Your Ex: I often work with people that have been conditioned to people-please and as a result tend to over-apologize and self-blame. Everyone's situation is different and it's unhelpful to advise that everyone must apologize to heal from a break up. If apologizing happens it's should be after you have given yourself time to reflect on and acknowledge what you are responsible for, what was not aligned with how you want to show up in the world/what was damaging to the other person, you are clear on your goal for the apology and that goal is realistic and helpful ideally to both parties, you have considered how you will manage your reactions that may come up around any type of response/non-response from the other person. You also need to be mindful of if the other person has made any boundary requests of you that reaching out to apologize might violate.
- Basic Suggestions: The concepts are pretty intro-level Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) skills and if you are a provider, have been in therapy before, or are an avid self-help reader you likely will already be aware of the basic thought and behavior tracking, thought stopping, cognitive reframing, and behavior change skills mentioned.
- Little Focus on Challenges or Nuance: The book deals with pretty straightforward situations and doesn't offer a lot of suggestions for navigating common internal or external barriers that are likely to come up while navigating a break up. The practice exercises are also pretty textbook, idealistic. It doesn't convey the amount of time and non-linear process that might come with the grief around healing from a break up.
- Heavy Focus on Direct Contact: The suggestions deal mostly with lingering direct, overt contact with an ex - like continuing to reach out to them or see them. It does not focus as much as I had hoped on managing common indirect or internal forms of continued contact like obsessive or intrusive thoughts or behaviors that can get in the way of healing and can be amplified by other factors like anxiety, fear of abandonment, trauma, etc. The author does mention noting these indirect behaviors, tracking them, and not acting on them, but not much on ways to break these cycles or deal with barriers that can come up. Our own thoughts and behaviors can contribute just as much to staying stuck in a break up as actual continued direct contact with the person, so this can be something helpful to explore with a therapist or brainstorm some ideas on your own of ways you can set yourself up for success to decrease engagement in these patterns.
-CBT Only: It is right in the title, but imo Cogntive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) on its own can feel invalidating and is like only equipping someone with a hammer for a job they need multiple, specialized tools for. Some life events, inclusive of things we might experience in relationships or break ups, genuinely and objectively can make life more difficult and painful regardless of how much you try to remain optimistic. Not acknowledging difficulties can lead to increasing invalidation of self and get in the way of fully processing and addressing the situation. Some amount of tracking, questioning, and reframing our automatic thoughts is necessary, but it shouldn't be your only tool and it may not be sufficient for every situation.
- It wasn't great at explaining the idea of core beliefs we internalize in childhood and attachment issues that can impact how we approach relationships, breakups, and how we view self and others in the contexts of these situations.
- There is not enough acknowledgement of abusive relationships and ways the suggestions might not be applicable or safe in those situations.
-The booked is geared towards primarily cis, hetero, monogamous couples, but may have some information that is adaptable to others.
Some Pros:
- I'm glad the book exists so hopefully it can open the door to the creation of other resources on this topic.
-Some people may have no support or resources to help them get through a break up and this book would still be more helpful than nothing.
- There is still some useful information in it if you can maintain awareness of the problematic parts and adapt it to your situation.
-It could be helpful if you are new to CBT and thought/behavior tracking.
Summary:
As a therapist I'm not likely to recommend this book to my clients primarily because I felt it was heavy on shame, judgment, and atonement based language and suggestions from a 12 step framework. It lacked nuance and depth into addressing aspects of "addictive" behaviors that can occur post-break up. Two stars because it could be an ok introduction to thought/behavior tracking for a break up if you are new to self help, but I would still encourage discussing your insights/exercises with your own therapist as you go along for additional support.
*This review is not intended as therapy or mental health/medical advice*
February 27, 2023
I just finished this wonderful book and wanted to post as soon as I could in case anyone needed some help of “Letting Go of Your Ex”. Oh, how I wish I had access to this book when I was younger! That said, I now have it as a resource to suggest to friends and family who are struggling with this all to common problem. Dr Warren is not only a “board certified clinical psychologist,�� but she is a former professor as well. Therefore, she knows how to take the sometimes complex ideas of psychology and fashion them into down-to-earth, straightforward prose. With step-by-step advice in each of its chapters, Dr. Warren provides us with a clear and sensible game plan about how to move forward with our lives at a time when we may temporarily feel upside down and moving at a dizzying speed in all the wrong directions. Dr. Warren is there with us; she knows the challenges of this experience. She has not only helped countless others in the same situation and done the research (just check the reference section!) she has herself taken this journey. I highly recommend your buying this book and reading this book so that you too have the knowledge and skills you need to create a better life for yourself.
March 8, 2023
As a fellow mental health clinician, I am so excited to find a hands-on book to be able to recommend to clients that are struggling with letting go of past relationships! So often we see clients come into the office due to a relationship issue or breakup and want practical skills or tools to help them not only understand why they feel the way they feel, but to take action in their journey to an overall healthier life. That is exactly what this book does. The author does an amazing job of identifying and normalizing love addiction and how the cycle represents itself with excellent case example. Dr. Cortney Soderlind Warren provides several hands on personal exercises that really provide people with action along with understanding about their triggers, red flag thinking, and patterns of love addiction. She provides an encompassing look at how people develop core beliefs about love and how greatly it impacts their view of intimate relationships. This book is easy to read and relatable on some many levels! Any person would benefit from this book and participating in some of the exercises. I will be recommending this work highly to not only clients, but friends and family!
Andi Kouneev, LMHC, NCC
Andi Kouneev, LMHC, NCC
January 29, 2023
"Letting go of your EX" is a powerful and insightful book that delves into the complex topic of love addiction. Dr. Cortney does an excellent job of explaining how and why love can function like an addiction, and how harmful beliefs can keep you stuck on your ex. The book also explores the impact of childhood experiences on adult romantic relationships and provides practical tools and strategies for avoiding recreating old dynamics in new relationships.
One of the most valuable aspects of this book is the way it approaches the topic of love addiction with compassion and nonjudgment. Dr. Cortney acknowledges that love addiction is a real and difficult issue, but also offers hope for recovery. Throughout the book, Dr. Cortney provides valuable insights and actionable steps for moving towards a healthier, happier life.
Overall, "Letting go of your EX" is a must-read for anyone struggling with love addiction. It offers a deep understanding of the issue and provides a roadmap for recovery. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to break free from the cycle of love addiction and create a better future for themselves.
One of the most valuable aspects of this book is the way it approaches the topic of love addiction with compassion and nonjudgment. Dr. Cortney acknowledges that love addiction is a real and difficult issue, but also offers hope for recovery. Throughout the book, Dr. Cortney provides valuable insights and actionable steps for moving towards a healthier, happier life.
Overall, "Letting go of your EX" is a must-read for anyone struggling with love addiction. It offers a deep understanding of the issue and provides a roadmap for recovery. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to break free from the cycle of love addiction and create a better future for themselves.
January 31, 2023
Letting Go of Your Ex is a helpful resource for anyone navigating the pain of break-up and love addiction of an ex....Dr. Warren skillfully weaves personal stories, self-help exercises, an evidence-based approach, case studies, and solutions into a compelling and transformational guiding light to change. The book commits to providing its readers with useful and supportive exercises to promote individual accountability and consistent behavior patterns in the journey towards healing and letting go.
Not only is this book a must read/must have GPS for anyone trying to overcome a love addiction and the pain of a break-up with an ex, it is relevant for anyone dealing with the nuances of relationship addiction in general (work, family, society, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc..).
I particularly enjoyed Dr. Warren's authentic writing style and ability to communicate without sounding too clinical. She absolutely nails it. This book is an invaluable resource and roadmap with solutions and tools for healing and ultimately, recovery.
Not only is this book a must read/must have GPS for anyone trying to overcome a love addiction and the pain of a break-up with an ex, it is relevant for anyone dealing with the nuances of relationship addiction in general (work, family, society, drugs, alcohol, gambling, etc..).
I particularly enjoyed Dr. Warren's authentic writing style and ability to communicate without sounding too clinical. She absolutely nails it. This book is an invaluable resource and roadmap with solutions and tools for healing and ultimately, recovery.
May 6, 2024
I found this book intriguing, particularly the exploration of relationship breakdowns, a common stressor in therapy sessions. The section focusing on attachments and their impact on adult relationships was especially informative. However, while certain aspects were helpful, I do have some reservations.
As a therapist, I'd hesitate to recommend this book to my clients. Personally, I'm not a proponent of the 12-step program, and its application in romantic relationships raises concerns for me. Additionally, I noticed elements of shame and judgment throughout the book, which contradicts the ethos of non-judgmental, positive regard that every good therapist strives to embody. While I don't believe this was intentional, it does detract from the overall message.
I received an arc of this book in exchange for an honest review
As a therapist, I'd hesitate to recommend this book to my clients. Personally, I'm not a proponent of the 12-step program, and its application in romantic relationships raises concerns for me. Additionally, I noticed elements of shame and judgment throughout the book, which contradicts the ethos of non-judgmental, positive regard that every good therapist strives to embody. While I don't believe this was intentional, it does detract from the overall message.
I received an arc of this book in exchange for an honest review
January 31, 2023
This is a must-read if you find yourself feeling despondent, inert or desperate in the aftermath of a break-up. This book is particularly relevant in the age of social media, where we often feel completely and chronically exposed to our exes and reminders of our separation.
Dr Warren offers a series of specific, targeted steps that you can take to untether yourself from the past and look to a freer future. Some of these practical skills transcend even the context of heartache and serve as productive and powerful tools to address a variety of emotional conditions.
The writing is scholarly but not pedantic; instructive but approachable. I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs a guiding hand through the misery of a breakup.
Dr Warren offers a series of specific, targeted steps that you can take to untether yourself from the past and look to a freer future. Some of these practical skills transcend even the context of heartache and serve as productive and powerful tools to address a variety of emotional conditions.
The writing is scholarly but not pedantic; instructive but approachable. I highly recommend this book to anyone who needs a guiding hand through the misery of a breakup.
Currently reading
February 17, 2023If you find yourself in an overwhelming romantic separation, Dr. Cortney Soderlind Warren can help. “Letting Go of Your Ex” will become your tool to redirect your life and move forward. This book will teach you a system to change patterns and reactions to help you navigate through your heartbreak. In a world that may feel suffocating with negativity and sadness, she provides a realistic approach to the real life challenge of your path to recovery. If you have ever been profoundly hurt, this book will speak to your heart and be your instrument to a happier place. You will find a place to move past your pain and leave behind a broken dying relationship. I wish you luck in your journey. Trust in the process and let Dr Soderlind Warren be your guide.
Dr Angela Silva
Dr Angela Silva
April 22, 2023
This book is really helpful - I wish I'd had it throughout my whole dating life, and I recommend it to anyone in that stage of their life and anyone who is uncomfortable in their current relationship. It uses exercises and worksheets, with plenty of examples, mixed with gentle guidance on examining your various thought processes about yourself and your relationships. It's not only a roadmap to getting over your ex, but also helps you understand and improve your decisions about your relationships, and provides a path forward in your life and future relationships. Reading it felt like receiving the value of several therapy sessions, at a fraction of the cost.
April 30, 2024
This would be a great book to own so I could do the CBT exercises in the book. A couple parts were things I already knew and quite a bit was new to me. I particularly liked the exercise regarding intrusive, unwanted thoughts about my ex. It said to give myself permission to have a rumination time each day where I only think about him, a timed event that stops when the time is up. After that when thoughts come up, I can say out loud “stop”, or close my eyes and visualize a big red stop sign. After that I picture a peaceful scene where I feel safe. I’m going to try this out and see how it helps.
January 27, 2023
I love this book and lament that I didn’t have it when I went through my most difficult breakups. When you’re at your most hopeless and miserable, this book shows you how to put in the work and get your power back. And it isn’t just about breakups, really… it says, “Any time you look outside yourself to feel whole and healed you lose your power.“ That’s true, and I loved reading that. Thanks to this book, I learned a lot about how much control we have over our own thinking, which has positive applications in all aspects of life.
January 30, 2023
Its so hard to deal with a breakup. The weight loss, insane intrusive thoughts, restlessness, sleeplessness, brain fog, the list goes on and on. Dr Cortney uses CBT primciples to get us through breakup hell. Here are actuall methods we can use to cope. As human beings our vulnerability is especially exposed in extreme circumstances like love addicition. And extreme circumstances call for the most potent coping strategies. 5 glowing stars for Dr Warrens much needed work!!
February 24, 2023
Dr. Warren writes in a relatable way and shares strategies teaching your head and your heart to move on and let go. Strategies are easy to understand and make growth visible when navigating a tricky time, like getting past heart break. This book is a goldmine for moving forward for anyone with the common experience of a breakup, or if you know someone struggling. I'm so grateful I read this book!
January 29, 2023
Addiction is such a pervasive part of our modern life. We fail to realize that we can be addicted to people, as well as substances and activities or behaviors. This amazing book by Dr. Warren puts into perspective a common scenario we've all been in. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has ever felt a bit obsessed about an ex, a relationship or a break up.
April 6, 2023
"Letting Go of Your Ex" is a highly effective first aid kit for anyone going through a breakup, as well as a practical guide for those seeking a healthy relationship. The book provides actionable steps for personal growth and self-improvement. The author's compassionate and humorous tone, combined with personal anecdotes, makes it a pleasant and enjoyable read during a potentially difficult time.
July 3, 2023
I decided to read this book in order to learn more about how CBT can work to reshape life relationships, and it definitely fulfills its mission. It is a very hands-on book full of practical advice and exercises for those going through the mental anguish of getting over a past relationship, but also provides a good deal of practical advice for everyone.
February 1, 2023
In this helpful book, Dr. Warren becomes like a wise friend in your thoughts with you, guiding you in freeing yourself from the pain of a breakup. And more than that, she guides you moving forward with a more enjoyable relationship with yourself, and the ability to create a healthy dating life.
March 1, 2023
Truly a must have book for those struggling to move past a former love, but the tools provided will serve the reader long after they’ve healed. This book will empower you to reclaim your life and happiness.
June 19, 2025
I wish I had this book when I was in my 20s. Great guide for individuals struggling with a breakup to learn they can move on and be okay. Excellent exercises to recommend to clients to guide them through their emotions related to ex.
Read
February 28, 2023I recently had a serious breakup
Dr Warrens book was recommended to me and after reading it I felt less destroyed
I would highly rate this book to anyone who is in a breakup situation
HS
Dr Warrens book was recommended to me and after reading it I felt less destroyed
I would highly rate this book to anyone who is in a breakup situation
HS
March 29, 2025
Love is by far my favorite addiction
گذر از رابطهای که عمرش به سر رسیده یکی از سختترین چالشهای زندگی انسانیست. به قول شاعر «دردیست غیرِ مردن». تکههای یک قلب شکسته فکرها و احساسات ما را نیز خراش میدهند چون زمانی قلب ما مملو از حضور کسی بود که حالا بدون او نمیدانیم چطور باید ادامه داد. این میتواند به چرخهای دردناک و کشدار از دلتنگیها و دلسردیها بینجامد. در این کتاب، نویسنده نقشهی راهی علمی و همدلانه ارائه میدهد برای آنان که در آبهای متلاطمِ پس از جدایی گرفتارند. برای «زردرویانِ عاشق».
ایدهی مرکزی کتاب این است که روابط رمانتیک نیز میتوانند جنبههایی اعتیادگونه پیدا کنند: از جمله فکرهای وسواسی و مزاحم در مورد یار سابق، وسوسههای مکرر برای از سر گیری ارتباط یا رفتارهای چککردن یا حتی اقدامات فکرنشدهای که در نهایت عواقب آن آسیب زیادی چه از نظر جسمی چه از نظر روانی ممکن است به فرد وارد آورند. پایانِ یک رابطهی عاطفی غمانگیز است و تکرر آن در جهان امروز هم از بار آن نمیکاهد. علائمی که پس از آن در جسم و جانمان تجربه میکنیم نشانهی ضعف یا ناتوانی نیست، بلکه پیامآور این است که ما سوگوارِ معشوقی ازدسترفتهایم، و هیچ چیز در آن غیرطبیعی نیست.
سیر کتاب بسیار شستهرفته تنظیم شده با تمرینهایی عملی برای زندگی روزمره و همین نقطهی قوتیست؛ بخش ابتدایی کتاب برای زخمهای باز است؛ برای تازهمجروحی که نیاز به التیام فوری دارد. این بخش شامل تکنیکهایی برای مدیریت فکرهای ناخوشایند، هیجانات بهمریخته و تکانههایی با تبعات منفی است. راهکارهایی در راستای مراقبت از خود و کاهش احتمال فعالشدن دوبارهی چرخهی اعتیاد به عشق.
زمانی که سلامتِ ازدسترفته به میزان متناسبی بازگشت، در بخش دوم کتاب به موشکافی دقیقتر رابطهی بیسرانجام میپردازد. اینکه چطور کودکی ما، دلبستگی به خانواده، فرهنگی که در آن بزرگ شدهایم، تجربههای اولیهی عاشقی، و رخدادهای بخصوصی که تجربه کردهایم باورهای بنیادین ما دربارهی عشق را شکل میدهند. این باورها نقشی اساسی دارند در انتخاب شریک عاطفی، نوع نگاهی که به یک رابطهی عاشقانه داریم و شکلی که جدایی را درک میکنیم. مرور این الگوهای بعضاً ناکارآمد در زندگی شخصی (به مثابهی نوعی خودشناسی)، هم میتواند ما را به درک صادقانهتری از واقعیت برساند (تا آزار آلام کمتر شود)، هم فرصتی برای اصلاح و رشد فراهم آورد؛ که همین دریست به سوی انتخابهای بهتر و یافتن عشقی ارزشمندتر. و چه بسا رنج کمتر.
بخش سوم کتاب در همین نقطه آغاز میشود: در آینده چه باید کرد؟ بخش مهمی از گام برداشتن در مسیر درست، رو برگرداندن از مسیریست که آمدهایم. نه به این معنا که فراموشش کنیم ( که «من جرب المجرب حلت به الندامه»!) بلکه به این منظور که نباید تمام توجه ما معطوف آن باشد. سوگواریِ فقدان در وهلهی اول با پذیرفتن ازدسترفتهبودنش شروع میشود. و بعد پذیرش مسئولیتی که در قبال آن رابطه یا در قبال به بنبست رسیدن آن داشتهایم و سپس بخشیدن یار سابق. نه به این خاطر که مسئولیتی متوجه او نیست، نه به این خاطر که آنچه پیش آمده اشکالی نداشته است. بلکه چون قرار نیست بیش از این در حس بدبختی و مظلومیت غرق شویم یا اجازه دهیم درد گذشته ما را از درون نابود کند. طی کردن مسیری که خیلی خلاصه در اینجا ذکر شد به ما کمک میکند داستانی که از جدایی قبلی در دل داریم نرمتر شده و به ما اجازه دهد با رویکردی سالمتر و براساس ارزشهایی که واقعاً در زندگی به وجودشان نیاز داریم به سراغ عاشقانههای تازه برویم. زیرا که میل به دریافت و بخششِ عشق خاموششدنی نیست.
گویند مگو سعدی چندین سخن از #عشق / میگویم و بعد از من گویند به دورانها!
گذر از رابطهای که عمرش به سر رسیده یکی از سختترین چالشهای زندگی انسانیست. به قول شاعر «دردیست غیرِ مردن». تکههای یک قلب شکسته فکرها و احساسات ما را نیز خراش میدهند چون زمانی قلب ما مملو از حضور کسی بود که حالا بدون او نمیدانیم چطور باید ادامه داد. این میتواند به چرخهای دردناک و کشدار از دلتنگیها و دلسردیها بینجامد. در این کتاب، نویسنده نقشهی راهی علمی و همدلانه ارائه میدهد برای آنان که در آبهای متلاطمِ پس از جدایی گرفتارند. برای «زردرویانِ عاشق».
ایدهی مرکزی کتاب این است که روابط رمانتیک نیز میتوانند جنبههایی اعتیادگونه پیدا کنند: از جمله فکرهای وسواسی و مزاحم در مورد یار سابق، وسوسههای مکرر برای از سر گیری ارتباط یا رفتارهای چککردن یا حتی اقدامات فکرنشدهای که در نهایت عواقب آن آسیب زیادی چه از نظر جسمی چه از نظر روانی ممکن است به فرد وارد آورند. پایانِ یک رابطهی عاطفی غمانگیز است و تکرر آن در جهان امروز هم از بار آن نمیکاهد. علائمی که پس از آن در جسم و جانمان تجربه میکنیم نشانهی ضعف یا ناتوانی نیست، بلکه پیامآور این است که ما سوگوارِ معشوقی ازدسترفتهایم، و هیچ چیز در آن غیرطبیعی نیست.
سیر کتاب بسیار شستهرفته تنظیم شده با تمرینهایی عملی برای زندگی روزمره و همین نقطهی قوتیست؛ بخش ابتدایی کتاب برای زخمهای باز است؛ برای تازهمجروحی که نیاز به التیام فوری دارد. این بخش شامل تکنیکهایی برای مدیریت فکرهای ناخوشایند، هیجانات بهمریخته و تکانههایی با تبعات منفی است. راهکارهایی در راستای مراقبت از خود و کاهش احتمال فعالشدن دوبارهی چرخهی اعتیاد به عشق.
زمانی که سلامتِ ازدسترفته به میزان متناسبی بازگشت، در بخش دوم کتاب به موشکافی دقیقتر رابطهی بیسرانجام میپردازد. اینکه چطور کودکی ما، دلبستگی به خانواده، فرهنگی که در آن بزرگ شدهایم، تجربههای اولیهی عاشقی، و رخدادهای بخصوصی که تجربه کردهایم باورهای بنیادین ما دربارهی عشق را شکل میدهند. این باورها نقشی اساسی دارند در انتخاب شریک عاطفی، نوع نگاهی که به یک رابطهی عاشقانه داریم و شکلی که جدایی را درک میکنیم. مرور این الگوهای بعضاً ناکارآمد در زندگی شخصی (به مثابهی نوعی خودشناسی)، هم میتواند ما را به درک صادقانهتری از واقعیت برساند (تا آزار آلام کمتر شود)، هم فرصتی برای اصلاح و رشد فراهم آورد؛ که همین دریست به سوی انتخابهای بهتر و یافتن عشقی ارزشمندتر. و چه بسا رنج کمتر.
بخش سوم کتاب در همین نقطه آغاز میشود: در آینده چه باید کرد؟ بخش مهمی از گام برداشتن در مسیر درست، رو برگرداندن از مسیریست که آمدهایم. نه به این معنا که فراموشش کنیم ( که «من جرب المجرب حلت به الندامه»!) بلکه به این منظور که نباید تمام توجه ما معطوف آن باشد. سوگواریِ فقدان در وهلهی اول با پذیرفتن ازدسترفتهبودنش شروع میشود. و بعد پذیرش مسئولیتی که در قبال آن رابطه یا در قبال به بنبست رسیدن آن داشتهایم و سپس بخشیدن یار سابق. نه به این خاطر که مسئولیتی متوجه او نیست، نه به این خاطر که آنچه پیش آمده اشکالی نداشته است. بلکه چون قرار نیست بیش از این در حس بدبختی و مظلومیت غرق شویم یا اجازه دهیم درد گذشته ما را از درون نابود کند. طی کردن مسیری که خیلی خلاصه در اینجا ذکر شد به ما کمک میکند داستانی که از جدایی قبلی در دل داریم نرمتر شده و به ما اجازه دهد با رویکردی سالمتر و براساس ارزشهایی که واقعاً در زندگی به وجودشان نیاز داریم به سراغ عاشقانههای تازه برویم. زیرا که میل به دریافت و بخششِ عشق خاموششدنی نیست.
گویند مگو سعدی چندین سخن از #عشق / میگویم و بعد از من گویند به دورانها!
July 6, 2023
Learn some interesting things in this book. I will definitely keep this book and hand it to anyone that may need in the future.
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