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Clown Tear Junkies
Within the whacked-out worlds of these twisted tales, only one thing remains the same:
Everything is better when laced with the tears of a clown…
When a sexually adventurous couple decides to spice things up by bringing bees into the mix, they learn it’s never wise to dial 811 in case of an emergency. A deadbeat dad gains employment as a lady-in-waiting in a fairytale bromance where every character looks exactly like someone else from John Carpenter’s The Thing. The unknowing victim of a cruel prank, a simpleton spends his entire life waiting on a park bench for the hottest girl in school. Using only his twenty-sided die and good old-fashioned D&D magic, a man must continually resurrect the neighborhood kid regularly murdered on his own front lawn. An aging slaughterhouse worker and the iconic figure from Edvard Munch’s The Scream hit the clubs every weekend in a vain attempt to get laid.
These and many more absurdities await in Clown Tear Junkies, the debut collection from Douglas Hackle.
Everything is better when laced with the tears of a clown…
When a sexually adventurous couple decides to spice things up by bringing bees into the mix, they learn it’s never wise to dial 811 in case of an emergency. A deadbeat dad gains employment as a lady-in-waiting in a fairytale bromance where every character looks exactly like someone else from John Carpenter’s The Thing. The unknowing victim of a cruel prank, a simpleton spends his entire life waiting on a park bench for the hottest girl in school. Using only his twenty-sided die and good old-fashioned D&D magic, a man must continually resurrect the neighborhood kid regularly murdered on his own front lawn. An aging slaughterhouse worker and the iconic figure from Edvard Munch’s The Scream hit the clubs every weekend in a vain attempt to get laid.
These and many more absurdities await in Clown Tear Junkies, the debut collection from Douglas Hackle.
174 pages, Trade Paperback
First published September 1, 2013
11 people are currently reading
641 people want to read
About the author
Douglas Hackle
22 books264 followersMany moons ago, I abandoned academia after receiving a degree in English Literature. Nowadays, I write fiction when I'm not toiling away as a copywriter/copyeditor in the healthcare space.
Here are some nice things people have said about my work:
“Douglas Hackle is one of the best writers of bizarre, absurdist work out there.” – Charles Austin Muir
"The best bizarro absurdist in the business.” – Amy M. Vaughn
“He's consistently delivered some of the weirdest, wildest, most well-written fiction I've ever read.” – Arthur Graham
“The head honcho of the absurd, the governor of wackiness, the top dog of insanity…Intelligent and imbecilic, Douglas Hackle is one of the most unique voices in bizarro fiction.” – Zoltán Komor
“…a master of the short story.” – Rodney Gardner
“Hackle is a laugh-out-loud genius.” – Donald Armfield
“…one of bizarro fiction’s sharpest satirists.” – Bizarro Central
“…always hilarious, horrific, and brilliantly written entertainment. Highly recommended!” – Brian Boyer
“Douglas Hackle is an evil genius.” – Kevin J. Kennedy
“My mind is blown. Literally. It needs a new fuse…I have never read anything like this.” - Nikki Howard on Clown Tear Junkies
“When it comes to Mr. Hackle, you don’t have a shot in hell of predicting what’s going to happen, even if he’s just told you. […] You can’t know where the story will take you, what the characters will do and say, how it’s all going to shake down in the end, even one page before that end.” – Melodie Ladner
“Hackle isn’t afraid to get you clutching your seat with fear only to have you giggling in the next sentence, and vice versa.”– Ben Walker at Kendall Reviews
“Batshit craziness! […] I honestly think that if you’ve never read a bizarro book, this might be the one you should grab.” – Livius Nedin (former host of the Booked. podcast) on TERROR MANNEQUIN
“… Zoltergeist the Poltergeist is an absolutely superb piece of Bizarro horror – and as a result, a novel that should be considered an exemplar for the rest of the genre to follow and attempt to best.” – The Sci-Fi and Fantasy Reviewer
“This book is an absurdist masterclass, and it may be that the whole problem with the world is that there isn't enough of this kind of thing in it […] Did War and Peace or Crime and Punishment change my life? I don't really think so, to be honest; maybe slightly? Did this book change my life? I shit you not, it kind of did, actually.” – Dirk Wartman on Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!’
Here are some nice things people have said about my work:
“Douglas Hackle is one of the best writers of bizarre, absurdist work out there.” – Charles Austin Muir
"The best bizarro absurdist in the business.” – Amy M. Vaughn
“He's consistently delivered some of the weirdest, wildest, most well-written fiction I've ever read.” – Arthur Graham
“The head honcho of the absurd, the governor of wackiness, the top dog of insanity…Intelligent and imbecilic, Douglas Hackle is one of the most unique voices in bizarro fiction.” – Zoltán Komor
“…a master of the short story.” – Rodney Gardner
“Hackle is a laugh-out-loud genius.” – Donald Armfield
“…one of bizarro fiction’s sharpest satirists.” – Bizarro Central
“…always hilarious, horrific, and brilliantly written entertainment. Highly recommended!” – Brian Boyer
“Douglas Hackle is an evil genius.” – Kevin J. Kennedy
“My mind is blown. Literally. It needs a new fuse…I have never read anything like this.” - Nikki Howard on Clown Tear Junkies
“When it comes to Mr. Hackle, you don’t have a shot in hell of predicting what’s going to happen, even if he’s just told you. […] You can’t know where the story will take you, what the characters will do and say, how it’s all going to shake down in the end, even one page before that end.” – Melodie Ladner
“Hackle isn’t afraid to get you clutching your seat with fear only to have you giggling in the next sentence, and vice versa.”– Ben Walker at Kendall Reviews
“Batshit craziness! […] I honestly think that if you’ve never read a bizarro book, this might be the one you should grab.” – Livius Nedin (former host of the Booked. podcast) on TERROR MANNEQUIN
“… Zoltergeist the Poltergeist is an absolutely superb piece of Bizarro horror – and as a result, a novel that should be considered an exemplar for the rest of the genre to follow and attempt to best.” – The Sci-Fi and Fantasy Reviewer
“This book is an absurdist masterclass, and it may be that the whole problem with the world is that there isn't enough of this kind of thing in it […] Did War and Peace or Crime and Punishment change my life? I don't really think so, to be honest; maybe slightly? Did this book change my life? I shit you not, it kind of did, actually.” – Dirk Wartman on Is Winona Ryder Still with the Dude from Soul Asylum? and Other LURID Tales of TERROR and DOOM!!!’
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May 8, 2020
i always feel bad about myself whenever i find myself liking one of these bizarro titles - and i don't always like them, mind you. but it's hard not to have a moment of serious self-reflection after reading, and enjoying, something like this that's so twisted and violent and…wrong. what happened to little english major undergrad karen who was so taken with Villette and Bleak House?? why is she cackling over this book with its repetition of the phrase "big blue dick" and its multiple decapitations and no fewer than six stories that end in either complete gibberish alphabet-soup or repetitions of numbers or all-caps yelling words, not to mention the story that consists of three blank pages??
oh, right - she realized that no one likes bitches with intellectual vanity rods up their asses and that bdsm with bees is fucking funny.
quicquid
come to my blog!
oh, right - she realized that no one likes bitches with intellectual vanity rods up their asses and that bdsm with bees is fucking funny.
quicquid
come to my blog!September 8, 2013
I’d like to apologize in advance for this review but I can’t, Doug Hackle won’t let me.
Doug Hackle doesn’t apologize.
Doug Hackle is so un-sorry it’s impertinent. I wouldn’t have Doug Hackle any other way.
Clown Tear Junkies tries to contain 27 shorts that recently escaped from deep inside Hackle’s bizarre and/or funny little smeghead. Each story has a flash paper-like quality that leaves you beating yourself in the head because it caught on fire* or lighting another piece because you just burned your eyebrows off**, but your friends' head just caught on fire and it was fucking hilarious!
Exhibit *
Exhibit **
Twenty sided D&D dice make more than one appearance, as do zombie ass gerbils, big blue dicks, and sentient ID cards. Julie Andrews does the alpine meadow scene from The Sound of Music, you know the one, where she’s singing and twirling around, “right before she carves a swastika into her forehead and devours all the von Trapp children.” Then, sometimes stories just end. Not because they are over, but because sometimes it’s just better that way, and it’s the only thing left that makes sense of the total and utter nonsense: “Something else happened after that, but at this point the author lost interest in writing the rest of this story. He took a deep swig from a can of Coors Light and started banging on his keyboard instead-&^%^&84930257889435rjioweojoij{{{{$#$%^ &&*u.fgsdgfdsjgim”.
There are certainly favorites:
The Day My ID’s ID Got Carded
This is my favorite story. I can’t even say why, it just is. It might have something to do with when the teeny tiny sentient ID card, sitting in a teeny tiny chair, wearing teeny tiny reading glasses, tells Dougras (with an "r") that his story “sucked a big blue dick.”
I Flunked Kindergarten
Because when I was in kindergarten, I was infatuated with “Mr. D”*** (for obvious reasons!) and I plotted to steal him by deflating him and shoving him in my lunch box. I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling first graders!
Exhibit ***
Three Blank Pages (and if for Some Reason You Don’t Like ’Em, You Can Go Find Yourself a Big Blue Dick to Choke on)
The Doghouse
A tiny part of this story reminded me of a personal true story of when my son was about 5. In our house, the word “STUPID” was a bad word. It just was. It was rude, and there was no reason to use it. EVER. One day before dinner, I was on the phone, berating the phone company for something or another, and they put me on hold. I promptly yelled into the phone, “THESE PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING STUPID.” My son looked at me, totally shocked, wagged his finger and said, “AHHUUM, yoooou said the “S” woooord.” I was so proud I almost cried.
Please Don’t Be an Unkind Person to Me and My Grandpa, and Please Don’t Be Cross with Us
Aside from the catchy catch phrase, it’s all fun and games til someone gets a Slim Jim in the eye. “While the mom finished packing up our groceries, the mean-faced pop reached over the counter and started poking me in the right eye with a Slim Jim, forcing me to shut it. Aided by my downturned, un-assaulted left eye, I rifled through my wallet to get at my money and driver’s license for proof of age. When the storeowner promptly switched to poking my left eye, I had to close that eye and reopen the right one in order to complete this task.”
The Date
Our dawg, James, has a moment with That Moment****.
He looked over at That Moment From The End Of The Karate Kid. The Moment hadn’t responded to his question. James wasn’t sure whether it even possessed the ability to speak, but the nodding Mr. Miyagi face seemed to say, “Yes, the soup is delicious!” just as earlier that week the same nod had seemed to communicate, “Yes, I’ll go out on a date with you this Friday!”
Exhibit ****
The ending of this story is a bit repetitive and goes on for three pages. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but you’ll have to read it to find out what I’m talking about.
On Planet Zōhlzärt, It’s Okay to Get with Your Grandpa
A campfire tale of falsidical paradox takes a terrible, terrible, turn when one friend starts maniacally pummeling the other with twisted and blood thirsty typographical characters.
FUNERAL, CEMETERY, AUTOMOBILE, ALCOHOL
A horror story in two words: ALCOHOL DIES
Actors and Actresses (and Others) Wanted
CASTING CALL: SMALL INDIE FILM COMPANY SEEKS ACTORS/ACTRESSES FOR NEW FILM
Specifically looking for several males age eighteen and older who are cursed with extremely small penises (no one whose penis is bigger than a light switch when fully erect need apply). Also, males must be suicidal, though not necessarily suicidal because they have tiny penises. We also seek at least two males who are handy with chainsaws, preferably two unemployed lumberjacks (note: these actors need not have light switch dicks or suicidal tendencies). As for actresses, we need several women age eighteen and older who possess nostrils that are not overly narrow (preferably nostrils that are slightly wider than normal). The film is a snuff movie tentatively titled Naughty Noses and Fucking Rolling Heads.
Give Courtney Cute Anything She Wants
Listen to this story read by Hackle here: play at 27.20: Surreal Grotesque Episode 18
In conclusion, I’d like to use a brilliant writer’s tip I learned from the Master of… of …. bation, Doug Hackle: ^$RH*%Rt87oyj7y+I_U__)YHUthrgjyerghyegtwydfhjshh87ehy74oghf63trhdfmfkeiuh,rhqiureghq87&*BF^G5rthgy7h^&HRF&Ih^*//^*&^*).(+?&*(&*(dfjewpohymrjkeh).
Doug Hackle doesn’t apologize.
Doug Hackle is so un-sorry it’s impertinent. I wouldn’t have Doug Hackle any other way.
Clown Tear Junkies tries to contain 27 shorts that recently escaped from deep inside Hackle’s bizarre and/or funny little smeghead. Each story has a flash paper-like quality that leaves you beating yourself in the head because it caught on fire* or lighting another piece because you just burned your eyebrows off**, but your friends' head just caught on fire and it was fucking hilarious!
Exhibit *
Exhibit **
Twenty sided D&D dice make more than one appearance, as do zombie ass gerbils, big blue dicks, and sentient ID cards. Julie Andrews does the alpine meadow scene from The Sound of Music, you know the one, where she’s singing and twirling around, “right before she carves a swastika into her forehead and devours all the von Trapp children.” Then, sometimes stories just end. Not because they are over, but because sometimes it’s just better that way, and it’s the only thing left that makes sense of the total and utter nonsense: “Something else happened after that, but at this point the author lost interest in writing the rest of this story. He took a deep swig from a can of Coors Light and started banging on his keyboard instead-&^%^&84930257889435rjioweojoij{{{{$#$%^ &&*u.fgsdgfdsjgim”.
There are certainly favorites:
The Day My ID’s ID Got Carded
This is my favorite story. I can’t even say why, it just is. It might have something to do with when the teeny tiny sentient ID card, sitting in a teeny tiny chair, wearing teeny tiny reading glasses, tells Dougras (with an "r") that his story “sucked a big blue dick.”
I Flunked Kindergarten
Because when I was in kindergarten, I was infatuated with “Mr. D”*** (for obvious reasons!) and I plotted to steal him by deflating him and shoving him in my lunch box. I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn’t for those meddling first graders!
Exhibit ***
Three Blank Pages (and if for Some Reason You Don’t Like ’Em, You Can Go Find Yourself a Big Blue Dick to Choke on)
The Doghouse
A tiny part of this story reminded me of a personal true story of when my son was about 5. In our house, the word “STUPID” was a bad word. It just was. It was rude, and there was no reason to use it. EVER. One day before dinner, I was on the phone, berating the phone company for something or another, and they put me on hold. I promptly yelled into the phone, “THESE PEOPLE ARE SO FUCKING STUPID.” My son looked at me, totally shocked, wagged his finger and said, “AHHUUM, yoooou said the “S” woooord.” I was so proud I almost cried.
Please Don’t Be an Unkind Person to Me and My Grandpa, and Please Don’t Be Cross with Us
Aside from the catchy catch phrase, it’s all fun and games til someone gets a Slim Jim in the eye. “While the mom finished packing up our groceries, the mean-faced pop reached over the counter and started poking me in the right eye with a Slim Jim, forcing me to shut it. Aided by my downturned, un-assaulted left eye, I rifled through my wallet to get at my money and driver’s license for proof of age. When the storeowner promptly switched to poking my left eye, I had to close that eye and reopen the right one in order to complete this task.”
The Date
Our dawg, James, has a moment with That Moment****.
He looked over at That Moment From The End Of The Karate Kid. The Moment hadn’t responded to his question. James wasn’t sure whether it even possessed the ability to speak, but the nodding Mr. Miyagi face seemed to say, “Yes, the soup is delicious!” just as earlier that week the same nod had seemed to communicate, “Yes, I’ll go out on a date with you this Friday!”
Exhibit ****
The ending of this story is a bit repetitive and goes on for three pages. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-but you’ll have to read it to find out what I’m talking about.
On Planet Zōhlzärt, It’s Okay to Get with Your Grandpa
A campfire tale of falsidical paradox takes a terrible, terrible, turn when one friend starts maniacally pummeling the other with twisted and blood thirsty typographical characters.
FUNERAL, CEMETERY, AUTOMOBILE, ALCOHOL
A horror story in two words: ALCOHOL DIES
Actors and Actresses (and Others) Wanted
CASTING CALL: SMALL INDIE FILM COMPANY SEEKS ACTORS/ACTRESSES FOR NEW FILM
Specifically looking for several males age eighteen and older who are cursed with extremely small penises (no one whose penis is bigger than a light switch when fully erect need apply). Also, males must be suicidal, though not necessarily suicidal because they have tiny penises. We also seek at least two males who are handy with chainsaws, preferably two unemployed lumberjacks (note: these actors need not have light switch dicks or suicidal tendencies). As for actresses, we need several women age eighteen and older who possess nostrils that are not overly narrow (preferably nostrils that are slightly wider than normal). The film is a snuff movie tentatively titled Naughty Noses and Fucking Rolling Heads.
Give Courtney Cute Anything She Wants
Listen to this story read by Hackle here: play at 27.20: Surreal Grotesque Episode 18
In conclusion, I’d like to use a brilliant writer’s tip I learned from the Master of… of …. bation, Doug Hackle: ^$RH*%Rt87oyj7y+I_U__)YHUthrgjyerghyegtwydfhjshh87ehy74oghf63trhdfmfkeiuh,rhqiureghq87&*BF^G5rthgy7h^&HRF&Ih^*//^*&^*).(+?&*(&*(dfjewpohymrjkeh).
October 22, 2024
Three words, people: BIG. BLUE. DICKS.
I'm so late to this little boner party, I honestly have nothing worth adding to the awesome reviews that have already been posted. Anyway, this book speaks for itself -- skim my status updates for a general vibe, or read the fantastic "The Day My ID’s ID Got Carded" in its entirety, free to sample here on Goodreads!
Full disclosure: I edited this book, so I must've read it at least 6 times, and I laughed myself to clown tears with each and every pass.
I'm so late to this little boner party, I honestly have nothing worth adding to the awesome reviews that have already been posted. Anyway, this book speaks for itself -- skim my status updates for a general vibe, or read the fantastic "The Day My ID’s ID Got Carded" in its entirety, free to sample here on Goodreads!
Full disclosure: I edited this book, so I must've read it at least 6 times, and I laughed myself to clown tears with each and every pass.
September 15, 2016
An honest disclosure: I've been taking small doses of Clown Tears for years. I use them as an age-retardant. The shit is AWESOME, but it has a high risk of addiction. This book came with my first dose so that I would know what to expect should I take too much. But really - guess how old I am! You can't!
Have you ever wondered if Bizarro is for you? Here is a great place to start. (I started with Dr. Seuss.) How Much Is That Hospice In the Window - this story had me singing the damn rhyme for days on end. Finally, my husband said, and I quote: " 8hdh$fd*fgsV#(h<6:7df>265i?=fdgs!!gql$6^." Then this happened:
Those are three blank pages. Do you like them? No? Go look for a big blue dick. A witch named "Where'd-You-Get-Those Eyes?" showed me something scary. Now I hang out with The Scream. We don't talk much, but we are surrounded by beautiful swatches of paint and pastels. Who needs the real world?
Brony. I have nothing more to say about that. Did you know that there are ghosts in the graffiti? Look again, quick! Death metal and other delectable music exists in space, but you can only hear it from Indiana. Join hands with a longneck, and you will hear it, too. A twenty-sided dice can do wonders, especially if you have been decimated. Please don't be an unkind person. We are all doing the best that we can.
I ate up the stories in this book without utensils. They were delicious. Maybe I am a junky, but I think there may be a junky in you, too. Here. Just try one.
Quicquid.
Have you ever wondered if Bizarro is for you? Here is a great place to start. (I started with Dr. Seuss.) How Much Is That Hospice In the Window - this story had me singing the damn rhyme for days on end. Finally, my husband said, and I quote: " 8hdh$fd*fgsV#(h<6:7df>265i?=fdgs!!gql$6^." Then this happened:
Those are three blank pages. Do you like them? No? Go look for a big blue dick. A witch named "Where'd-You-Get-Those Eyes?" showed me something scary. Now I hang out with The Scream. We don't talk much, but we are surrounded by beautiful swatches of paint and pastels. Who needs the real world?
Brony. I have nothing more to say about that. Did you know that there are ghosts in the graffiti? Look again, quick! Death metal and other delectable music exists in space, but you can only hear it from Indiana. Join hands with a longneck, and you will hear it, too. A twenty-sided dice can do wonders, especially if you have been decimated. Please don't be an unkind person. We are all doing the best that we can.
I ate up the stories in this book without utensils. They were delicious. Maybe I am a junky, but I think there may be a junky in you, too. Here. Just try one.
Quicquid.
October 29, 2013
"Now there's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown..."
Oh, Smokey Robinson, you are SO WRONG!
There are many, MANY things sadder than clown tears.
How about...flunking kindergarten? 13 times! That's pretty sad, isn't it?
How 'bout having your colon pierced by a colon? Huh? (Actually, I think a semi-colon would be more painful, 'cause of that sharp little hooky-thing on the end, but what do I know? They're BOTH sadder than clown tears!)
Are the tears of a clown sadder than two men riding a coffin downhill or finding out they're out of your favorite ice cream flavor - fetal pony served in a chocolate wafer cone? I don't think so, Bub!
And isn't it sad when a well-hung grandpa gets pummeled to death every time he goes to the store?
And what could be sadder than an author who is obsessed with mime secretions and Big Blue Dicks? Not much!
Even though EVERYTHING IN THIS BOOK is sadder than the tears of a clown, it's still a BLAST to read. This is one damned fine cup of absurdist fiction. I loved every story and tried to make them last as long as I could...but eventually, I finished. NOW, THAT'S SADDER THAN THE TEARS OF A CLOWN!
And where mint jelly REALLY comes from?
Jeezy-creezy, that is oh, SO SAD!
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown..."
Oh, Smokey Robinson, you are SO WRONG!
There are many, MANY things sadder than clown tears.
How about...flunking kindergarten? 13 times! That's pretty sad, isn't it?
How 'bout having your colon pierced by a colon? Huh? (Actually, I think a semi-colon would be more painful, 'cause of that sharp little hooky-thing on the end, but what do I know? They're BOTH sadder than clown tears!)
Are the tears of a clown sadder than two men riding a coffin downhill or finding out they're out of your favorite ice cream flavor - fetal pony served in a chocolate wafer cone? I don't think so, Bub!
And isn't it sad when a well-hung grandpa gets pummeled to death every time he goes to the store?
And what could be sadder than an author who is obsessed with mime secretions and Big Blue Dicks? Not much!
Even though EVERYTHING IN THIS BOOK is sadder than the tears of a clown, it's still a BLAST to read. This is one damned fine cup of absurdist fiction. I loved every story and tried to make them last as long as I could...but eventually, I finished. NOW, THAT'S SADDER THAN THE TEARS OF A CLOWN!
And where mint jelly REALLY comes from?
Jeezy-creezy, that is oh, SO SAD!
September 6, 2013
I’m calling it right now: Douglas Hackle is going to be HUGE! And I don’t mean that in the John-Goodman-at-a-Chinese-buffet way. I mean that in the Gangnam Style guy way. Douglas Hackle is a 100% certified Angus all-beef patty genius.
Why do I say this? Because to read Hackle is to be at the butt end of some kind of inside-joke that leaves you baffled, befuddled and awed. It’s like getting a glimpse behind the curtain, seeing the thing that was pulling the strings the whole time was really just a man, and then getting a glimpse behind the man to see the thing that was strumming HIS strings was really an infinitely long-necked businessman/freak who thought he was playing a bass guitar the whole time.
Clown Tear Junkies is a collection of short stories, all of which revolve around some kind of far-out or bizarro theme i.e. haunted graffiti, drinking with sentient paintings, fairy tale bromances where everyone looks like characters from The Thing, and the aforementioned long-necked businessman – and that's barely scratching the surface here. The stories in this collection are populated by all manner of sad caricatures and ugly souls. Yet, most of them remain blissfully ignorant or hopeful in spite of their unfortunate lot in life (that lot being the world they inhabit was dreamt up in the mind of a madman like Douglas Hackle). There is something very melancholy and nuanced about most of the characters in this book; people who are constantly the victims of the ever-escalating absurdities that assault them. But it’s not all tears and Salieri marionettes because this book is also FUCKING HILARIOUS! I’m not exaggerating. Douglas Hackle is one funny motherfucker and all the head-scratching pathos stitched into his words are blasted into your face via a shotgun full of humor. I’m talking LAUGH OUT LOUD kinda funny. A lot of the time, the humor is so spot-on that it supersedes even the pages it’s printed on to start playing jokes on you in real life.
How can a book be playing a joke on you in "real life" you ask?
Shut up and I’ll tell you.
It’s all in the execution. These stories are often set in mirror worlds – places that resemble Earth as we know it, but twisted or bent in some disgusting way. Like a world where you can get murdered, over and over and over again, just as long as you have a faithful friend who’s willing to resurrect you with his trusty D&D-style 20-sided di. Or a world where accidentally dialing 811 instead of 911 can reign down a life-threatening terror of such absurd proportions that it will ruin even the happiest couple’s next lovemaking session. But it’s not the settings that necessarily make this collection shine (although they certainly help!) but rather, it’s the almost deconstructionist glee at which the author himself approaches storytelling. Employing such novelties as narrators who randomly bust out in cartoonish “gangsta” slang, obscure and often bizarre pop-culture references, Hackle even goes so far as to sometimes turn the spotlight back onto his own absurd premises, knowingly having the characters admit that they world they live in is fiction, only to charge ahead full-steam without batting an eyelash. It’s almost like he’s daring you to enjoy such silliness, and when you actually do, he laughs at you, takes it a step EVEN FURTHER than that, and then TRIPLE-DOG DARES you to enjoy it some more. Just like Andy Kaufman, who would read The Great Gatsby onstage if a show was going poorly, or who would wrestle women – willfully taking on the role of the “heel” - or who would dress up like the abrasive Tony Clifton and not let anyone know it was him. It’s the kind of humor that took a lot of people a while to appreciate because Andy was operating on a level much higher than the rest of us mortals. And I have a feeling that’s where Douglas lives too. He sits up there with his pen and paper or word processor or baby seal skin and razor blade (or whatever fucked-up instruments he uses to write stories like this) and he tells us the kind of tales we didn’t even know we were thirsty for in the first place. The kind of tales that matter, in their own weird way. The kind of tales that make reading a joy.
This is certainly the most fun I’ve had with a book in the past year. I highly recommend it.
Why do I say this? Because to read Hackle is to be at the butt end of some kind of inside-joke that leaves you baffled, befuddled and awed. It’s like getting a glimpse behind the curtain, seeing the thing that was pulling the strings the whole time was really just a man, and then getting a glimpse behind the man to see the thing that was strumming HIS strings was really an infinitely long-necked businessman/freak who thought he was playing a bass guitar the whole time.
Clown Tear Junkies is a collection of short stories, all of which revolve around some kind of far-out or bizarro theme i.e. haunted graffiti, drinking with sentient paintings, fairy tale bromances where everyone looks like characters from The Thing, and the aforementioned long-necked businessman – and that's barely scratching the surface here. The stories in this collection are populated by all manner of sad caricatures and ugly souls. Yet, most of them remain blissfully ignorant or hopeful in spite of their unfortunate lot in life (that lot being the world they inhabit was dreamt up in the mind of a madman like Douglas Hackle). There is something very melancholy and nuanced about most of the characters in this book; people who are constantly the victims of the ever-escalating absurdities that assault them. But it’s not all tears and Salieri marionettes because this book is also FUCKING HILARIOUS! I’m not exaggerating. Douglas Hackle is one funny motherfucker and all the head-scratching pathos stitched into his words are blasted into your face via a shotgun full of humor. I’m talking LAUGH OUT LOUD kinda funny. A lot of the time, the humor is so spot-on that it supersedes even the pages it’s printed on to start playing jokes on you in real life.
How can a book be playing a joke on you in "real life" you ask?
Shut up and I’ll tell you.
It’s all in the execution. These stories are often set in mirror worlds – places that resemble Earth as we know it, but twisted or bent in some disgusting way. Like a world where you can get murdered, over and over and over again, just as long as you have a faithful friend who’s willing to resurrect you with his trusty D&D-style 20-sided di. Or a world where accidentally dialing 811 instead of 911 can reign down a life-threatening terror of such absurd proportions that it will ruin even the happiest couple’s next lovemaking session. But it’s not the settings that necessarily make this collection shine (although they certainly help!) but rather, it’s the almost deconstructionist glee at which the author himself approaches storytelling. Employing such novelties as narrators who randomly bust out in cartoonish “gangsta” slang, obscure and often bizarre pop-culture references, Hackle even goes so far as to sometimes turn the spotlight back onto his own absurd premises, knowingly having the characters admit that they world they live in is fiction, only to charge ahead full-steam without batting an eyelash. It’s almost like he’s daring you to enjoy such silliness, and when you actually do, he laughs at you, takes it a step EVEN FURTHER than that, and then TRIPLE-DOG DARES you to enjoy it some more. Just like Andy Kaufman, who would read The Great Gatsby onstage if a show was going poorly, or who would wrestle women – willfully taking on the role of the “heel” - or who would dress up like the abrasive Tony Clifton and not let anyone know it was him. It’s the kind of humor that took a lot of people a while to appreciate because Andy was operating on a level much higher than the rest of us mortals. And I have a feeling that’s where Douglas lives too. He sits up there with his pen and paper or word processor or baby seal skin and razor blade (or whatever fucked-up instruments he uses to write stories like this) and he tells us the kind of tales we didn’t even know we were thirsty for in the first place. The kind of tales that matter, in their own weird way. The kind of tales that make reading a joy.
This is certainly the most fun I’ve had with a book in the past year. I highly recommend it.
August 3, 2017
a slippery slope
September 3, 2016
Hackle brings a unique voice to the genre. It’s definitely Bizarro, but it rides a serious Absurdist wave. I hate saying that, because I hate Absurdist Fiction. I understand why it exists, and I respect authors who do it, well. But most of it I just don’t like.
I don’t like books or stories that completely abandon plot and fill in the spaces with metaphors. I find it irritating, self -absorbed, and showoffish. You don’t need to prove to me that the Twilight and Harry Potter series suck. I figured that out myself.
P.S. You’re an asshole. Stop writing anti-fiction and give me a character.
P.S.S. Ya jagoff.
There are also no “Shock you just to shock you.” moments in this book. A lot of Bizarro has that. Hackle, doesn’t roll that way. Hackle takes you on an intimate date between an insecure young man and “That Moment From The End Of The Karate Kid Where Mr. Miyagi Nods His Approval And Encouragement To A Badly Beaten Daniel-San As He Struggles To Form The Crane Stance Just Before Crane-Kicking Johnny In The Face.”
I know that sounds absurd and nonsensical. But ”That Moment From The End Of The Karate Kid Where Mr. Miyagi Nods...” is a character in the book. So is a Hospice named Applesauce, and Edvard Munch’s famous painting The Scream.
I know what you’re saying. “That doesn’t make any fucking sense!”
And you’re right. “That doesn’t make any fucking sense.” at first glance. But it may be the funniest book you've read this year.
August 22, 2017
I'm still endlessly impressed with how weird, how funny, and how twisted Hackle's writing is. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who wants to read something amazing that is unlike anything you've ever read before.
August 12, 2015
My mind is blown. Literally. It needs a new fuse -sleep- before I can absorb any other information without twisting it into a Douglas Hackle tale.
This read is like those psychedelic colors on that new Scooby-Doo show that zoom in, out, rotate, and play Jedi mind tricks on your brain.
I have never read anything like this. The characters in these stories were so freakin' far beneath/beyond normal stupidity that you can't help but feel sorry for them, root for them, or in my case, laugh at them uproariously with donkey-like guffaws. Did that makes sense? It doesn't matter because it's okay to be weird when you've consumed the clown tears in-between these pages.
There were lots of movie references that endeared me even more to these stories. One of my favorites being; The Thing. The Jeepers Creepers tidbit gets an honorable mention.
I learned new words. That's always a bonus when a writer teaches you something new. One of those words is "sterd." No, I'm not telling you. You'll have to get the book to find out.
Once you read these stories you'll know; your grandpa is your daddy, dialing 811 will hurt you bad, how to resurrect your loved ones, why your ID needs an ID, what it takes to be Irish, and how a backslash can kick your ass.
Warning:
There's mention of a big blue di*k that the reader can suck on if something is not to their liking. Hopefully, you'll down some clown tears, relax, and enjoy this read for what it is...weird.
*An Arc of this read was given to me for an honest review*
This, and other genre reviews can be found at www.horrorafterdark.com
This read is like those psychedelic colors on that new Scooby-Doo show that zoom in, out, rotate, and play Jedi mind tricks on your brain.
I have never read anything like this. The characters in these stories were so freakin' far beneath/beyond normal stupidity that you can't help but feel sorry for them, root for them, or in my case, laugh at them uproariously with donkey-like guffaws. Did that makes sense? It doesn't matter because it's okay to be weird when you've consumed the clown tears in-between these pages.
There were lots of movie references that endeared me even more to these stories. One of my favorites being; The Thing. The Jeepers Creepers tidbit gets an honorable mention.
I learned new words. That's always a bonus when a writer teaches you something new. One of those words is "sterd." No, I'm not telling you. You'll have to get the book to find out.
Once you read these stories you'll know; your grandpa is your daddy, dialing 811 will hurt you bad, how to resurrect your loved ones, why your ID needs an ID, what it takes to be Irish, and how a backslash can kick your ass.
Warning:
There's mention of a big blue di*k that the reader can suck on if something is not to their liking. Hopefully, you'll down some clown tears, relax, and enjoy this read for what it is...weird.
*An Arc of this read was given to me for an honest review*
This, and other genre reviews can be found at www.horrorafterdark.com
June 5, 2014
BIG, BLUE COCK!!
If the idea of big, blue dicks offends you, proceed no further.... and more importantly do NOT read this book!!
This book of Douglas Hackle's short stories is certainly politically, socially and anything-else-he-can-think-of-lly incorrect! NOT SAFE FOR WORK
However, if you live in the realm of bizarrity and vulgarity more commonly found in the fantasies/nightmares of teenage boys, this book is for YOU!! Hackle's mind is a disturbing place to delve!
Within this compilation you will encounter pick up lines that shouldn't - and hopefully NEVER - work! (So how about we go inside now and I make you my little bitch? I swoon! Take me now, big fella :P) Also, you will find marionettes, leprechauns, huge-cocked geriatrics, girls that are literally so cute they'll kill you and much more! This is a cesspool of grotesque hilarity!
Lastly, if swearing offends you: well, fuck you.... and also, DO NOT read this!
September 30, 2013
I listened to the never-to-be-produced audiobook version of Clown Tear Junkies (the one read by Smokey Robinson) and I must say it was excellent. These stories have something to satisfy everyone in your family. There are many, many huge cocks and bodies being smashed to a bloody pulp, copious amounts of semen and chyme, gay ice road truckers and polyhedral dice, blank pages, and pages filled with random letters, numbers and symbols. There’s even a story that features an elderly man being pulled down the street in a little red wagon!
Readers who enjoyed Eat, Pray, Love, Chicken Soup for the Soul, and the works of Deepak Chopra need to read this collection right away.
Readers who enjoyed Eat, Pray, Love, Chicken Soup for the Soul, and the works of Deepak Chopra need to read this collection right away.
January 15, 2014
A very schizophrenic ADHD journey into the mind of one Douglas Hackle...
When you think you've got the gist of a story it turns left leaving you with a whole other meaning and conclusion than you could have come up with initially. THEN when you think there's no rhyme or reason....THERE'S A REASON!!
Clownk; bottled clown tears that will get you higher than a BBD....
Douglas Hackle is King of The Clown Tear Junkies and it is evident throughout his collection of 27 short stories. From the whacked out, sometimes confusing, always entertaining Douglas Hackle, no possible way to be disappointed if you are a fan of the bizarre, twisted, and often humorous side of story telling.
I FLUNKED KINDERGARTEN: A wonderful satirical look at how ignorance begets ignorance. Short and sweet just like the blissfulness of ignorance itself.
THE DATE: Meet Stuttering James. Meet Stuttering James date... then…try to wrap head around the most famous moment in cinematic history.
ON PLANET ZOHLZART IT'S OK TO GET WITH YOUR GRANDPA: This story teaches us all to take a moment and see things from other "cultures". Don't knock what you haven't tried and don't judge with your hateful words and letters! You don't know them!!!
STRUGGLE OF A DESCRIPTION: The true story of how the Lost World of the Weremanatees came to be without a king....yeah...pretty much...
THE PERFECT POPCORN RECIPE: One of my favorite stories in here! Five stars, this story follows the bromantical meeting of two men just wantin bro companionship with maybe a bit of a d*ck suck here and there...they aren't gay. After one of the two realizes that they can't just get by on bromance, he seeks a job as a "lady" in waiting where he discovers the recipe for the perfect popped corn, a recipe seeked out by many....
811: This was a funny story. A couple experiments with other risque forms of sexual gratification, but dial the wrong number when the whole experience goes awry.
FISHING WITH HIGGINSWORTH FIG VII: A TALE OF DENIAL: Higginsworth Fig is not liked by the neighborhood kids, or the parents...or anyone for that matter. So hated, that on several occasions the cruel townspeople would be beat him to a bloody pulp, left for dead. Thankfully, the boy’s neighbor, Merv and his 20 sided die know just what to do to bring him back to life. And he does this every time Higginsworth is reduced to nothing more than a mess of dying flesh. I love the compassion Merv shows the boy and the connection he feels towards him. The last line of this story surprised me (shouldn't have..but did)
ICECREAM IN AMERIKKKA: Ha! You would think with flavors like 'My Dad' and 'My Son' and a father son duo would maybe want to think twice about ordering it....either way this story has a Beginning, a Middle, and an End....spoiler alert...the end goes off with a bang.
WAITING ON A GIRL: This makes me super sad for the main character! Reading this story was like watching Nukem' High. Kranlin falls for a witchy witch of a girl who tells him to wait for her on a park bench. He does this...till he is old and encounters the old hag decades later only to find out it was a cruel joke....some more stuff happens, sexy times, and testicle replacement and what have you.....alksdjksanclnalwiuiojfql%$3#!!#*(ajklakjsd
FUNERAL, CEMETERY, AUTOMOBILE, ALCOHOL: Imagine if funeral, cemetery, automobile, and alcohol were entities...and they are all dying.
ACTORS AND ACTRESSES (AND OTHERS) WANTED: I laughed through most of this. An ad is placed out by someone who wants nothing to do with a film they are wanting to produce and hire actors for. Because of the "snuff" nature of the film the person putting the ad out wants nothing to do with it and hopes it does not trail back to them...so how does one word an add that is not going to be printed?
THE DAY MY ID'S ID GOT CARDED: Ahhh, you don't get much cuter than i teeny weeny sentient ID card! This story was F****** awesome! I love it even more when it referenced a story that is also included in the anthology and that was brilliant!
LONG NECKS: A dapper businessman stands in a field in Indiana with an extremely long neck that extends into the universe attached to the torso of another long necked businessman finally ending in Eris, the bass guitar playing sonofawitch of the galaxy! If you wanna know how F****** good he is.....go suck a BBD.
GREEN IRELAND: An Irish child's tall tales are brought to truth when on a field trip to Dublin, the tall tales of the kid who cried “leprechaun” are confirmed.
***At 7:53 p.m. Friday January 3, 2014, I laughed out loud. Laughed at the thought of finding a BBD to choke on.***
A SALIERI MARIONETTE: The Heir Apparent has killed his girlfriend! Now it's up to the creepy witch Where'd-You-Get-Those-Eyes?' to help him bring her back. However the face of this witch is one not to be looked upon. Many that have, have seen their own deaths that they will succumb to. After seeing their fate, many spend their lives trying to escape the hand of death they have witnessed and wasting what life they could of had. What the F*** ever, the Heir Apparent wants his Salieri Marionette turned girlfriend so the risks will simply be heeded as warnings.....
THE SCREAM, MY DOG: What can I say? Despite the obnoxious obvious white boy sounding black lingo, it just fit. I loved the main characters dialogue and friendship with the key character in the famous painting. It's a sweet journey into a friendship with ups and downs. If you ever strike it big, just remember the little guys.
A KIND GAY CHINESE BLACKMAN: :D silly short random fun.
GIVE COURTNEY CUTE ANYTHING SHE WANTS: Super F****** obnoxious brat, but Why-I-Oughtta is an awesome character. Courtney is a spoiled brat bent on making her older brother's life miserable....if you think your little sis is bad.....
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE: Another favorite of mine in here. A man’s basketball takes on racism and despite growing into a massive form he is unable to completely eradicate the hate entirely...well...the ending sentence says it all.
PLEASE BE DON'T BE AN UNKIND PERSON TO ME AND MY GRANDPA, AND PLEASE DON'T BE CROSS WITH US: I have my own theories about why the town hates Grandpa so much based on another story in this collection but either way Love this story to pieces as well. With a tie in twenty sided die revival spell, Little Antioch is a super cute little guy and I pictured his movements like the Patchwork Girl of OZ.
THE DOGHOUSE: A seriously back bumward family. I like the Doghouse the main guy goes into when fighting with his wife, but the reasons for which he is in there are again...bum backwards. A perfect story to end the collection with because everyone loves the Underdog.
I didn't review ALL of the stories and that's not to say they weren't great as well but these ones stuck out and whether you're strung out on clownk, sucking a BBD Douglas Hackle will delightfully amuse you with his words.
When you think you've got the gist of a story it turns left leaving you with a whole other meaning and conclusion than you could have come up with initially. THEN when you think there's no rhyme or reason....THERE'S A REASON!!
Clownk; bottled clown tears that will get you higher than a BBD....
Douglas Hackle is King of The Clown Tear Junkies and it is evident throughout his collection of 27 short stories. From the whacked out, sometimes confusing, always entertaining Douglas Hackle, no possible way to be disappointed if you are a fan of the bizarre, twisted, and often humorous side of story telling.
I FLUNKED KINDERGARTEN: A wonderful satirical look at how ignorance begets ignorance. Short and sweet just like the blissfulness of ignorance itself.
THE DATE: Meet Stuttering James. Meet Stuttering James date... then…try to wrap head around the most famous moment in cinematic history.
ON PLANET ZOHLZART IT'S OK TO GET WITH YOUR GRANDPA: This story teaches us all to take a moment and see things from other "cultures". Don't knock what you haven't tried and don't judge with your hateful words and letters! You don't know them!!!
STRUGGLE OF A DESCRIPTION: The true story of how the Lost World of the Weremanatees came to be without a king....yeah...pretty much...
THE PERFECT POPCORN RECIPE: One of my favorite stories in here! Five stars, this story follows the bromantical meeting of two men just wantin bro companionship with maybe a bit of a d*ck suck here and there...they aren't gay. After one of the two realizes that they can't just get by on bromance, he seeks a job as a "lady" in waiting where he discovers the recipe for the perfect popped corn, a recipe seeked out by many....
811: This was a funny story. A couple experiments with other risque forms of sexual gratification, but dial the wrong number when the whole experience goes awry.
FISHING WITH HIGGINSWORTH FIG VII: A TALE OF DENIAL: Higginsworth Fig is not liked by the neighborhood kids, or the parents...or anyone for that matter. So hated, that on several occasions the cruel townspeople would be beat him to a bloody pulp, left for dead. Thankfully, the boy’s neighbor, Merv and his 20 sided die know just what to do to bring him back to life. And he does this every time Higginsworth is reduced to nothing more than a mess of dying flesh. I love the compassion Merv shows the boy and the connection he feels towards him. The last line of this story surprised me (shouldn't have..but did)
ICECREAM IN AMERIKKKA: Ha! You would think with flavors like 'My Dad' and 'My Son' and a father son duo would maybe want to think twice about ordering it....either way this story has a Beginning, a Middle, and an End....spoiler alert...the end goes off with a bang.
WAITING ON A GIRL: This makes me super sad for the main character! Reading this story was like watching Nukem' High. Kranlin falls for a witchy witch of a girl who tells him to wait for her on a park bench. He does this...till he is old and encounters the old hag decades later only to find out it was a cruel joke....some more stuff happens, sexy times, and testicle replacement and what have you.....alksdjksanclnalwiuiojfql%$3#!!#*(ajklakjsd
FUNERAL, CEMETERY, AUTOMOBILE, ALCOHOL: Imagine if funeral, cemetery, automobile, and alcohol were entities...and they are all dying.
ACTORS AND ACTRESSES (AND OTHERS) WANTED: I laughed through most of this. An ad is placed out by someone who wants nothing to do with a film they are wanting to produce and hire actors for. Because of the "snuff" nature of the film the person putting the ad out wants nothing to do with it and hopes it does not trail back to them...so how does one word an add that is not going to be printed?
THE DAY MY ID'S ID GOT CARDED: Ahhh, you don't get much cuter than i teeny weeny sentient ID card! This story was F****** awesome! I love it even more when it referenced a story that is also included in the anthology and that was brilliant!
LONG NECKS: A dapper businessman stands in a field in Indiana with an extremely long neck that extends into the universe attached to the torso of another long necked businessman finally ending in Eris, the bass guitar playing sonofawitch of the galaxy! If you wanna know how F****** good he is.....go suck a BBD.
GREEN IRELAND: An Irish child's tall tales are brought to truth when on a field trip to Dublin, the tall tales of the kid who cried “leprechaun” are confirmed.
***At 7:53 p.m. Friday January 3, 2014, I laughed out loud. Laughed at the thought of finding a BBD to choke on.***
A SALIERI MARIONETTE: The Heir Apparent has killed his girlfriend! Now it's up to the creepy witch Where'd-You-Get-Those-Eyes?' to help him bring her back. However the face of this witch is one not to be looked upon. Many that have, have seen their own deaths that they will succumb to. After seeing their fate, many spend their lives trying to escape the hand of death they have witnessed and wasting what life they could of had. What the F*** ever, the Heir Apparent wants his Salieri Marionette turned girlfriend so the risks will simply be heeded as warnings.....
THE SCREAM, MY DOG: What can I say? Despite the obnoxious obvious white boy sounding black lingo, it just fit. I loved the main characters dialogue and friendship with the key character in the famous painting. It's a sweet journey into a friendship with ups and downs. If you ever strike it big, just remember the little guys.
A KIND GAY CHINESE BLACKMAN: :D silly short random fun.
GIVE COURTNEY CUTE ANYTHING SHE WANTS: Super F****** obnoxious brat, but Why-I-Oughtta is an awesome character. Courtney is a spoiled brat bent on making her older brother's life miserable....if you think your little sis is bad.....
THE AUDACITY OF HOPE: Another favorite of mine in here. A man’s basketball takes on racism and despite growing into a massive form he is unable to completely eradicate the hate entirely...well...the ending sentence says it all.
PLEASE BE DON'T BE AN UNKIND PERSON TO ME AND MY GRANDPA, AND PLEASE DON'T BE CROSS WITH US: I have my own theories about why the town hates Grandpa so much based on another story in this collection but either way Love this story to pieces as well. With a tie in twenty sided die revival spell, Little Antioch is a super cute little guy and I pictured his movements like the Patchwork Girl of OZ.
THE DOGHOUSE: A seriously back bumward family. I like the Doghouse the main guy goes into when fighting with his wife, but the reasons for which he is in there are again...bum backwards. A perfect story to end the collection with because everyone loves the Underdog.
I didn't review ALL of the stories and that's not to say they weren't great as well but these ones stuck out and whether you're strung out on clownk, sucking a BBD Douglas Hackle will delightfully amuse you with his words.
January 9, 2014
This is your brain:
This is your brain on clownk:
Also . . .
This is a regular book:
This is Douglas Hackle's Clown Tear Junkies:
Admittedly, I haven't read a lot of surreal writing to completion. Generally, surreal writing takes a leap off a precipice into depths beyond my ability to suspend disbelief. But this book is really good. It does what surrealism should, in my opinion. Surrealism should challenge the conventions of whatever genre it falls into. When it comes to fiction, Hackle's work definitely pushes the boundaries on storytelling and stylistic conventions, featuring everything from characters being pelted with #, ^, and @'s to characters with infinite stutters. It goes off the deep end, as surrealism is wont to do, but Hackle does it with tact, never compromising the integrity of the craft for the sake of making the reader say, "What the fuck?" In sum: weird AND awesome.
If you're a fan of surreal writing, this book is for you. If you've given surrealism a chance and found it wasn't your cup of tea, this book is for you as well. Hackle will regale you with tales of big blue dicks, personified hospices, inebriated ID ID's and more. By the time you're done, the boring-ass collection of fiction at your local library will seem like a pack of cheap wax crayons at Ponderosa in comparison.
This is your brain on clownk:
Also . . .
This is a regular book:
This is Douglas Hackle's Clown Tear Junkies:
Admittedly, I haven't read a lot of surreal writing to completion. Generally, surreal writing takes a leap off a precipice into depths beyond my ability to suspend disbelief. But this book is really good. It does what surrealism should, in my opinion. Surrealism should challenge the conventions of whatever genre it falls into. When it comes to fiction, Hackle's work definitely pushes the boundaries on storytelling and stylistic conventions, featuring everything from characters being pelted with #, ^, and @'s to characters with infinite stutters. It goes off the deep end, as surrealism is wont to do, but Hackle does it with tact, never compromising the integrity of the craft for the sake of making the reader say, "What the fuck?" In sum: weird AND awesome.
If you're a fan of surreal writing, this book is for you. If you've given surrealism a chance and found it wasn't your cup of tea, this book is for you as well. Hackle will regale you with tales of big blue dicks, personified hospices, inebriated ID ID's and more. By the time you're done, the boring-ass collection of fiction at your local library will seem like a pack of cheap wax crayons at Ponderosa in comparison.
March 13, 2014
This book pretty much earned itself 5 stars with the first four stories, but for the sake of completeness I read the rest of it anyway.
'Clown Tear Junkies' is a great title, too, because these stories are addictive. It's kind of like Douglas Hackle has found a way to pen the paint-huffing literary equivalent of those Buzzfeed/Cracked photoplasty/pic caption threads that you stumble upon at 4am and you know you should be in bed, but you keep on scrolling, telling yourself "one more, one more..." and then suddenly it's daylight and you have to go to work, but you're so wired and exhausted you can't remember what you do for a living, so you take the turn-off for the harbour and accidentally sleep-drive your car onto a crab trawler bound for Iceland where you're taken in by a family of moon-worshipping seal farmers and wind up betrothed to their heavily pregnant son Oslo who you know doesn't really love you, but he also doesn't want to be a single parent to a litter of Icelandic belly-spiders, so he pledges to give you a home and a life and even pay your way through Alcoholic Clown College, so you just think "What the hell!" and start picking out wedding dresses.
Let me be clear about this: I FIND THAT INCREDIBLY IMPRESSIVE!
Insanely inventive, wildly funny and - most importantly - not even a little bit like anything else you've ever read in your life, this is hopefully the first of many books from Hackle that deserve a spot on your shelf.
'Clown Tear Junkies' is a great title, too, because these stories are addictive. It's kind of like Douglas Hackle has found a way to pen the paint-huffing literary equivalent of those Buzzfeed/Cracked photoplasty/pic caption threads that you stumble upon at 4am and you know you should be in bed, but you keep on scrolling, telling yourself "one more, one more..." and then suddenly it's daylight and you have to go to work, but you're so wired and exhausted you can't remember what you do for a living, so you take the turn-off for the harbour and accidentally sleep-drive your car onto a crab trawler bound for Iceland where you're taken in by a family of moon-worshipping seal farmers and wind up betrothed to their heavily pregnant son Oslo who you know doesn't really love you, but he also doesn't want to be a single parent to a litter of Icelandic belly-spiders, so he pledges to give you a home and a life and even pay your way through Alcoholic Clown College, so you just think "What the hell!" and start picking out wedding dresses.
Let me be clear about this: I FIND THAT INCREDIBLY IMPRESSIVE!
Insanely inventive, wildly funny and - most importantly - not even a little bit like anything else you've ever read in your life, this is hopefully the first of many books from Hackle that deserve a spot on your shelf.
September 15, 2013
Reading Clown Tear Junkies by Douglas Hackle in one sitting (as I did) was like riding on one of those old Laugh in the Dark amusement park rides: sitting in pitch blackness in a little cart on some squeaky tracks with no idea what lies before you. Hackle takes you on one hell of a ride through the contorted, twisted, hilarious, and ingenious landscape of his imagination!
Some stories like “How Much is that Hospice in the Window?” are downright warped and shocking, yet you can’t help but LOL after the shock wears off. In the extremely well crafted and very funny “The Scream, My Dog,” Hackle brings to life Munch’s famous Scream and pairs him up with a truly pathetic, likeable, loser narrator as they prowl the bars trying to pick up women and become Hollywood superstars. In another of Hackle’s wacky tales, in order to buy some hooch, your Driver’s License must have its own ID card, and that ID must have its own ID card! (I’ll stop here. Don’t want to ruin any more surprises in this truly entertaining and madcap collection).
All twenty-seven stories in the volume carry Hackle’s signature outrageous imagination where the predictable world we inhabit morphs into an alternate universe in which everything is funny, sad, absurd, and unpredictable – actually, not so different from our own plane of existence.
Some stories like “How Much is that Hospice in the Window?” are downright warped and shocking, yet you can’t help but LOL after the shock wears off. In the extremely well crafted and very funny “The Scream, My Dog,” Hackle brings to life Munch’s famous Scream and pairs him up with a truly pathetic, likeable, loser narrator as they prowl the bars trying to pick up women and become Hollywood superstars. In another of Hackle’s wacky tales, in order to buy some hooch, your Driver’s License must have its own ID card, and that ID must have its own ID card! (I’ll stop here. Don’t want to ruin any more surprises in this truly entertaining and madcap collection).
All twenty-seven stories in the volume carry Hackle’s signature outrageous imagination where the predictable world we inhabit morphs into an alternate universe in which everything is funny, sad, absurd, and unpredictable – actually, not so different from our own plane of existence.
January 8, 2024
I feel compelled to give Tear Clown Junkies a decent review simply because Douglas Hackle happens to be from Northeast Ohio. Us Ohio people have to stick together or some such nonsense.
In all serious for a a debut novel this is quite good and full of the totally absurd and bizarre that a lot of bizarro fans love. For seasoned bizarro fans you get twenty-seven stories of some of the craziest stuff you have ever read and if you're new to genre it's a decent jumping off point.
New bizarro fans need that one book that will introduce them to the genre and sure there are quite a few that do that and now you have Tear Clown Junkies. Yes it is that good and laugh out loud funny. Just buy the book and you'll see what I mean.
In all serious for a a debut novel this is quite good and full of the totally absurd and bizarre that a lot of bizarro fans love. For seasoned bizarro fans you get twenty-seven stories of some of the craziest stuff you have ever read and if you're new to genre it's a decent jumping off point.
New bizarro fans need that one book that will introduce them to the genre and sure there are quite a few that do that and now you have Tear Clown Junkies. Yes it is that good and laugh out loud funny. Just buy the book and you'll see what I mean.
November 10, 2015
I took advantage of an offer to trade an honest review for a free copy. I was very excited when I saw this and I am glad that I did. It was one of the best short collections I have read thus far. Many of them had clever, unexpected twists at the ends. The humor used is perfect. I can vividly remember all of them, which is quite a feat considering there are 26. To connect the shorts somewhat, the use of a few common items and descriptive terms was done subtly, without over-doing it, a nice touch I haven't seen before. I did think that the first half was a bit stronger than the second half of the book. Douglas Hackle is a master of the short story. I will now be reading the rest of his stuff.
October 30, 2024
This was such a 🦇 💩 crazy book. Absolutely bonkers, full of things beyond most peoples’ wildest imaginations and lots of clown tears.
“I combed through the world’s philosophical treatises, religious texts, political manifestos, self-help guides, classic literature, celebrated verse, and anonymous truck-stop graffiti in search of better advice on how to live a good life. I never found it.”
Some of the stories were so interesting and weirdly enthralling (I loved King Derridap’s deconstruction pistol in “Struggle of a Description).
Others too “out there” for me to fully comprehend (That Ass and the Vein Poppets… what the heck was even happening here).
This is one darkly bizarre book you don’t want to miss out on, although it may give you concerning dreams after reading it. Buckle up, and enjoy the ride!
“I combed through the world’s philosophical treatises, religious texts, political manifestos, self-help guides, classic literature, celebrated verse, and anonymous truck-stop graffiti in search of better advice on how to live a good life. I never found it.”
Some of the stories were so interesting and weirdly enthralling (I loved King Derridap’s deconstruction pistol in “Struggle of a Description).
Others too “out there” for me to fully comprehend (That Ass and the Vein Poppets… what the heck was even happening here).
This is one darkly bizarre book you don’t want to miss out on, although it may give you concerning dreams after reading it. Buckle up, and enjoy the ride!
November 2, 2013
Douglas Hackle's talent for irreverent and absurd yarns first came to my attention with the stories he contributed to Surreal Grotesque magazine where I am Co-Editor. The story that sold me on Doug was 'In Our Hearts' in which the dead literally live on in the hearts of people, who can break open said hearts to enjoy smaller versions of said dead people. So, I knew right away that Doug had an unusual approach.
Then, I read his debut collection, Clown Tear Junkies, and saw the depth and breadth of his penchant for weirdness. You know from the first story here that this is not the same reality that we inhabit. Douglas exists in some far off parallel universe where hospices can become household pets named Applesauce, where a man's ID can be carded for ITS ID, where weremanatees are normal, where the Scream painting by Edvard Munch experiences the exhiliarating highs and dizzying lows of superstardom. The recurring theme throughout is the addictive substance of clown tears, sometimes laced with crack, other times bottled as eyedrops. This I could especially identify, being a former clown tear junkie myself. I am two years sober today, but I always remember to laugh when a new Douglas Hackle story is published.
Then, I read his debut collection, Clown Tear Junkies, and saw the depth and breadth of his penchant for weirdness. You know from the first story here that this is not the same reality that we inhabit. Douglas exists in some far off parallel universe where hospices can become household pets named Applesauce, where a man's ID can be carded for ITS ID, where weremanatees are normal, where the Scream painting by Edvard Munch experiences the exhiliarating highs and dizzying lows of superstardom. The recurring theme throughout is the addictive substance of clown tears, sometimes laced with crack, other times bottled as eyedrops. This I could especially identify, being a former clown tear junkie myself. I am two years sober today, but I always remember to laugh when a new Douglas Hackle story is published.
September 24, 2013
Reading Clown Tear Junkies is taking a stroll through the demented mind of Douglas Hackle. Unlike most other collections of short stories Hackle does not spin the same piece of yarn 26 times and that is what I love about this one. There is a mixture of twisted absurd humor along with sublime Bizarro. My favorite absurd stories were Ice Cream in Amerikkka, FUNERAL, CEMETARY, AUTOMOBILE, ALCOHOL, and The Day My ID’s ID Got Carded. At first glance these stories appeared to be based in a "normal" world but all of a sudden there is an absurd element thrown in mix to create a surreal experience. Then there are the straight up Bizarro tales that are funny in themselves but they delve much deeper into Hackle’s weird and wonderful imagination. My favorites included Please Don’t Be an Unkind Person to Me and My Grandpa, and Please Don’t Be Cross with Us, Give Courtney Cute Anything She Wants, and A Salieri Marionette.
The one thing I got from reading this is that clown tears should be added to the Controlled Substances Act because that shit really fucks up people’s mental capacity.
The one thing I got from reading this is that clown tears should be added to the Controlled Substances Act because that shit really fucks up people’s mental capacity.
October 7, 2024
Douglas Hackle is a mad genius. I have read a load of Hackle's shorts previously but had never managed to pick up his collection until now. I always enjoyed his work but this book is a masterpiece in bizarro. His short tales are insane. Terror Manequin is my favourite long fiction by the author but if you enjoy short stories, this is the book for you. There were a few stories that really stood out for me, but I know this is a book where each reader will have their own favourites, thanks to the diversity of tales. How Much is that Hospice in the Window was mental. Waiting on a Girl was absolutely fantastic. 811 was another fave. I loved a lot of the stories in this collection and there is plenty to chose from. More people need to hear about Hackle. Some writers minds are just different to the rest. I cant wait to see what he brings us next. For longer fiction, check out Terror Mannequin. It's brilliant!
January 14, 2014
I have a confession to make. I’ve never smoked, drank, snorted, or injected into any part of my ugly body, bottled clown and/or mime tears, but I have read Douglas Hackle’s CLOWN TEAR JUNKIES, which may have inadvertently, in the process of such mental copulation, smeared some bottled clown and/or mime tears across the fingers of my mind. Allow me to explain.
This book will, most probably (if you are open to the experience), alter your perception of reality, and the ways in which you comprehend the kinds of imaginative feats possible on the page. Within the meeting of your mind and Hackle’s mind you will discover such odd feats as smut-lusting cruel grandfathers who are resurrected by the powers of cheap voodoo and a headless man caught in the middle of finding meaning in his mean life, a quite touching and hilarious story involving The Scream (from the painting of the same name), a “kind, gay, Chinese, black man,” three blank pages, a cruel cute girl who is obsessed with dead fish, and a John Carpenter’s The Thing-inspired love story unlike any you will ever encounter. In fact, you are unlikely to encounter anything like these stories, because you and I, unlike Hackle, do not have direct access to bottled clown and/or mime tears. Hackle does. He’s cornered the market on this most potent and delirium-inspiring drug. (NOTE to Hackle: if you can pass me a bottle, a sip from a vial, a droplet, or even a dried stain of this wonderful juice, please do get in touch--Ohio is not too far from Michigan).
I did not expect to read stories like these. I don’t know what I expected. Since I approached this book with certain bizarro sensibilities already in place, I knew it would be a wild ride, but dear reader, this book is something else. I was disgusted, touched, confused, entertained, and enthralled (in so many words). Hackle knows how to write you into the strangest story and then yank you by the dirty coattails, thus causing you to slip on some clown tear-soaked banana peel he’s carefully placed on the bloody floor. So you slip. You end up on your back, not quite knowing how you got there. And you’re smiling. Your heart feels a little lighter, too. Maybe a smudge of clown tears did, in fact, seep through the ink (even though you did use an e-reader) and into your fingers. Maybe there’s more to this collection than meets the eye. It’s a poisonous fugu. At certain points you felt trapped in a lunatic asylum rendition of Monty Python or PFFR (ala Wonder Showzen or Xavier: Renegade Angel). You really can’t tell. And as far as the Bizarro genre goes, this book comfortably rests in the center of that twisted brain, a pineal gland drenched in (you guessed it) bottled clown and/or mime tears.
If I were a casual reader (ala popular fiction) who happened to stumble upon this book at my local bookstore, my head would probably explode on the spot from Hackle’s watermelon-smashing hammer of clown tears. I wouldn’t be ready for this. I wouldn’t know how to handle this insanity--most folks might not. I might even write this book off as “too weird, too strange-minded and obscene, too cruel, too full of joy.” Yes, there is a joy in these pages. Hackle’s clown teared mind swims to the surface throughout and he’s drenched in tears of brilliance. Feel him on the page. Good, right? We know we are reading. We are aware of our narrator as if he’s somehow squeezed himself into our bleeding ears and is determined to claw his way into those cobweb laden crevices of our mind. Perhaps, given the fact that I’m writing this much, he’s done his job. Now that I think of it, my pineal gland does feel a tad bit feistier, a wee bit bloated with happiness.
Happiness? Yes, happiness. Who would have guessed that swimming in a river of bottled clown and/or mime tears would be such an invigorating experience? Now, if you will please excuse me, something has started leaking from my ears and it’s sweet like a swarm of bees or a snuff film psycho-loop. I’m practically drowning. I can’t swim. I’m not a clown. Maybe I should just sit here awhile, until I can’t scream any longer.
This book will, most probably (if you are open to the experience), alter your perception of reality, and the ways in which you comprehend the kinds of imaginative feats possible on the page. Within the meeting of your mind and Hackle’s mind you will discover such odd feats as smut-lusting cruel grandfathers who are resurrected by the powers of cheap voodoo and a headless man caught in the middle of finding meaning in his mean life, a quite touching and hilarious story involving The Scream (from the painting of the same name), a “kind, gay, Chinese, black man,” three blank pages, a cruel cute girl who is obsessed with dead fish, and a John Carpenter’s The Thing-inspired love story unlike any you will ever encounter. In fact, you are unlikely to encounter anything like these stories, because you and I, unlike Hackle, do not have direct access to bottled clown and/or mime tears. Hackle does. He’s cornered the market on this most potent and delirium-inspiring drug. (NOTE to Hackle: if you can pass me a bottle, a sip from a vial, a droplet, or even a dried stain of this wonderful juice, please do get in touch--Ohio is not too far from Michigan).
I did not expect to read stories like these. I don’t know what I expected. Since I approached this book with certain bizarro sensibilities already in place, I knew it would be a wild ride, but dear reader, this book is something else. I was disgusted, touched, confused, entertained, and enthralled (in so many words). Hackle knows how to write you into the strangest story and then yank you by the dirty coattails, thus causing you to slip on some clown tear-soaked banana peel he’s carefully placed on the bloody floor. So you slip. You end up on your back, not quite knowing how you got there. And you’re smiling. Your heart feels a little lighter, too. Maybe a smudge of clown tears did, in fact, seep through the ink (even though you did use an e-reader) and into your fingers. Maybe there’s more to this collection than meets the eye. It’s a poisonous fugu. At certain points you felt trapped in a lunatic asylum rendition of Monty Python or PFFR (ala Wonder Showzen or Xavier: Renegade Angel). You really can’t tell. And as far as the Bizarro genre goes, this book comfortably rests in the center of that twisted brain, a pineal gland drenched in (you guessed it) bottled clown and/or mime tears.
If I were a casual reader (ala popular fiction) who happened to stumble upon this book at my local bookstore, my head would probably explode on the spot from Hackle’s watermelon-smashing hammer of clown tears. I wouldn’t be ready for this. I wouldn’t know how to handle this insanity--most folks might not. I might even write this book off as “too weird, too strange-minded and obscene, too cruel, too full of joy.” Yes, there is a joy in these pages. Hackle’s clown teared mind swims to the surface throughout and he’s drenched in tears of brilliance. Feel him on the page. Good, right? We know we are reading. We are aware of our narrator as if he’s somehow squeezed himself into our bleeding ears and is determined to claw his way into those cobweb laden crevices of our mind. Perhaps, given the fact that I’m writing this much, he’s done his job. Now that I think of it, my pineal gland does feel a tad bit feistier, a wee bit bloated with happiness.
Happiness? Yes, happiness. Who would have guessed that swimming in a river of bottled clown and/or mime tears would be such an invigorating experience? Now, if you will please excuse me, something has started leaking from my ears and it’s sweet like a swarm of bees or a snuff film psycho-loop. I’m practically drowning. I can’t swim. I’m not a clown. Maybe I should just sit here awhile, until I can’t scream any longer.
July 12, 2014
If I were the head of the department of Bizarro Fiction, I would appoint Douglas Hackle's CLOWN TEAR JUNKIES as the required text for Intro To Bizarro 201. While this is not an elementary introduction to Bizarro, it still schools those who still, would ask the question, "What is Bizarro Fiction?"
While it should be widely know to any scholar of Bizarro 101 that Bizarro fiction can encompass any genre, it should also embrace the weird, CLOWN TEAR JUNKIES serves to continue forth in that spirit. There is no singular Bizarro theme grabbed hold of here and odd-balled out into the oblivion. Instead, CLOWN TEAR JUNKIES sets a further example of just how bizzare Bizarro fiction can be.
At times this book acts as a dispondant Mad Libs work book. Other times it serves as a solid backbone for longer stories yet to be explored. Yet all the little shorts in this collection serve as an example of how Bizarro Fiction can be if you really let loose your sense of reality.
It's not my place to gauge how bizarre or not bizarre CLOWN TEAR JUNKIES is or is not. I am here to let you know that Douglas "Mutha Fuckin'" Hackle has something to say and you may not understand it and if you don't, well flip a chair like they do in that Duran Duran video and move on with your life because Hackle runs shit now and you have no hope.
While it should be widely know to any scholar of Bizarro 101 that Bizarro fiction can encompass any genre, it should also embrace the weird, CLOWN TEAR JUNKIES serves to continue forth in that spirit. There is no singular Bizarro theme grabbed hold of here and odd-balled out into the oblivion. Instead, CLOWN TEAR JUNKIES sets a further example of just how bizzare Bizarro fiction can be.
At times this book acts as a dispondant Mad Libs work book. Other times it serves as a solid backbone for longer stories yet to be explored. Yet all the little shorts in this collection serve as an example of how Bizarro Fiction can be if you really let loose your sense of reality.
It's not my place to gauge how bizarre or not bizarre CLOWN TEAR JUNKIES is or is not. I am here to let you know that Douglas "Mutha Fuckin'" Hackle has something to say and you may not understand it and if you don't, well flip a chair like they do in that Duran Duran video and move on with your life because Hackle runs shit now and you have no hope.
December 19, 2013
Bizarro With A Healthy Dose Of Absurdism
I like to cackle in inappropriate places, at inappropriate times, so this book worked out wonderfully for me.
I also liked that you never knew what you were going to get out of each story. Some of my favorites include: flunking kindergarden thirteen times; the one the referenced John Carpenter's The Thing; why dialing 811 will hurt you bad; and why your ID needs an ID.
Just to serve a word of warning: there's a ton of BIG BLUE DICKS flapping around, so if this bothers you in any way or you don't think it's hilarious, then I wouldn't recommend this one for you at all.
Now that that's out of the way, I leave you with another interpretation of me cackling :)
I like to cackle in inappropriate places, at inappropriate times, so this book worked out wonderfully for me.
I also liked that you never knew what you were going to get out of each story. Some of my favorites include: flunking kindergarden thirteen times; the one the referenced John Carpenter's The Thing; why dialing 811 will hurt you bad; and why your ID needs an ID.
Just to serve a word of warning: there's a ton of BIG BLUE DICKS flapping around, so if this bothers you in any way or you don't think it's hilarious, then I wouldn't recommend this one for you at all.
Now that that's out of the way, I leave you with another interpretation of me cackling :)
February 8, 2014
How do I even . . . ?? *shakes head*
I wouldn't exactly recommend this to anyone. Not because it is bad. But it's just . . . so . . . mercurial. It's a flashing kaleidoscope, giving a quick glimpse into any one of a dozen fictional worlds that shift and bend and refract yourself back until you're not sure if the story is weird, or you are.
This makes it unsatisfying. I'm trying to watch the Punch and Judy show while riding the mirrored carousel, getting only a sliver of a story on each rotation, and all the while the calliope is giving me auditory overload, and the cotton candy sits heavy in my belly. I want to stop, but when the ride pauses I insist, "Just one more time around."
I wouldn't exactly recommend this to anyone. Not because it is bad. But it's just . . . so . . . mercurial. It's a flashing kaleidoscope, giving a quick glimpse into any one of a dozen fictional worlds that shift and bend and refract yourself back until you're not sure if the story is weird, or you are.
This makes it unsatisfying. I'm trying to watch the Punch and Judy show while riding the mirrored carousel, getting only a sliver of a story on each rotation, and all the while the calliope is giving me auditory overload, and the cotton candy sits heavy in my belly. I want to stop, but when the ride pauses I insist, "Just one more time around."
October 22, 2024
This collection is INSANE 😆🤩
My faves in order of appearance:
- On Plant Zõhlzärt, It's Okay to Get With Your Grandpa
- The Perfect Popcorn: A Recipe (or Confessions of a Lady-in-waiting)
- Fishing With Higginsworth Fig VII: A Tale of Denial
- The Day My ID's ID Got Carded
- The Scream, My Dog
My faves in order of appearance:
- On Plant Zõhlzärt, It's Okay to Get With Your Grandpa
- The Perfect Popcorn: A Recipe (or Confessions of a Lady-in-waiting)
- Fishing With Higginsworth Fig VII: A Tale of Denial
- The Day My ID's ID Got Carded
- The Scream, My Dog
October 11, 2015
(Reprinted from the Chicago Center for Literature and Photography [cclapcenter.com]. I am the original author of this essay, as well as the owner of CCLaP; it is not being reprinted illegally.)
It's a well-known fact that I find it difficult to review story collections -- my write-ups tend to be analytical and address the entire manuscript at once, hard to do when you have a dozen or two different pieces of wildly different quality and style -- and this is especially the case with bizarro fiction, which is so purposely designed to be a cartoon come to life that I find it hard to even assign qualitative scores to such stories, instead generally assuming that you either like bizarro or you don't, and that if you do, you're going to tend to like most of it that's ever been written. I will say about Douglas Hackle's Clown Tear Junkies, however, that it at least goes in crazy directions you wouldn't normally expect such stories to go, even if you're already a bizarro fan and are used to the random left turns that come with this genre; and that's always a great thing to see, in that so many bizarro authors rely on their stories simply being "weird" to make up the entirety of their compelling nature, and it's always nice to see a bizarro author work harder than this and to try to bring something legitimately unique to the genre. You know already whether you're going to like a book like this; if you do, definitely pick this up, and if you don't, stay way far away for your own good.
Out of 10: 8.0, or 9.0 for bizarro fans
It's a well-known fact that I find it difficult to review story collections -- my write-ups tend to be analytical and address the entire manuscript at once, hard to do when you have a dozen or two different pieces of wildly different quality and style -- and this is especially the case with bizarro fiction, which is so purposely designed to be a cartoon come to life that I find it hard to even assign qualitative scores to such stories, instead generally assuming that you either like bizarro or you don't, and that if you do, you're going to tend to like most of it that's ever been written. I will say about Douglas Hackle's Clown Tear Junkies, however, that it at least goes in crazy directions you wouldn't normally expect such stories to go, even if you're already a bizarro fan and are used to the random left turns that come with this genre; and that's always a great thing to see, in that so many bizarro authors rely on their stories simply being "weird" to make up the entirety of their compelling nature, and it's always nice to see a bizarro author work harder than this and to try to bring something legitimately unique to the genre. You know already whether you're going to like a book like this; if you do, definitely pick this up, and if you don't, stay way far away for your own good.
Out of 10: 8.0, or 9.0 for bizarro fans
December 6, 2013
This book is utterly absurd. I'm surprised it isn't printed on the inside of a peach skin. By that I mean everything about it is unexpected. The stories themselves are off the wall, sometimes reminding me of Matthew Revert in their fearlessness of subject matter, with a touch of Bradley Sands tossed in for good measure. But it's the complete package that makes this a must read. The stories end and begin wherever the author sees fit. The formatting can be odd. It breaks just about every rule of storytelling, which is quite a feat in these Bizarro heavy times. The language can be a bit rough (like an insane Bukowski), nothing to Earth-shattering, but if swearing is not your cup of tea, there is quite a lot of it in here. Never so much to bog down a story, but enough that the book is given a unified voice, and Mr. Hackle a unique writing style, one that ties it all together nicely. The writing is simplistic, but in a good way. It gets to the point without trying to impress you. And that is one of the impressive things about Clown Tear Junkies. You walk away with a clear feeling of how odd Doug Hackle is. It's almost like finding an anonymous notebook in the halls of a high school that was dropped by someone who wrote these twisted little things never intending anyone else to read them.
Enjoyable.
Enjoyable.
October 27, 2013
First of all thanks to the author for sending me the book. This is absurdist satire- funny, biting, irreverent and thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining. I loved it. I was only a few pages into the book when I read "How Much is that Hospice in the Window?" and knew this was a book for me . Lately I have read a lot of bizarro fiction, but this takes it to a different level. It raises the bar. It almost has that "too hip for the room" kind of feel to it, and I totally got into that concept. Layers, references to pop culture, just plain silliness--it's all there and done like a slice of crisp bacon--cooked to perfection. Mr. Hackle says that his wife allows him to write when his chores are done, and all I can say is do them fast so you can write me another one.
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