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Survivor Stories #2
Painting Fire on the Air
THIS VERSION IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE
A Survivor Story
From her perch on a shelf above my bed, the doll accuses me with lifeless eyes of failing Juliette in the most heinous way imaginable, forcing me to crave the bite of his whip and the steel in his voice to drown out the ache in my chest.
For his entire life, Benjamin Martin’s parents drilled into his head that he must watch out for his little sister, but one horrific night, he failed. Now, the bite of a whip, cuffs digging into his wrists, his arms and legs stretched beyond endurance, these things give him what he needs to forget his sister’s violent death, at least for a while.
When Ben’s latest Dom casts him aside like a broken toy, he manipulates his best friend, Jude Archer, into picking up the pieces. Jude has been in love with Ben for years, but his fantasies about his friend never included whipping him. He doesn't understand why Ben needs BDSM and he worries about Ben’s addiction. Most of all, he fears losing his humanity because he’s already lost himself in Ben. When he’s forced to trade the marks upon his soul for the pain that ravages Ben, Jude learns the real definition of submission.
A Survivor Story
From her perch on a shelf above my bed, the doll accuses me with lifeless eyes of failing Juliette in the most heinous way imaginable, forcing me to crave the bite of his whip and the steel in his voice to drown out the ache in my chest.
For his entire life, Benjamin Martin’s parents drilled into his head that he must watch out for his little sister, but one horrific night, he failed. Now, the bite of a whip, cuffs digging into his wrists, his arms and legs stretched beyond endurance, these things give him what he needs to forget his sister’s violent death, at least for a while.
When Ben’s latest Dom casts him aside like a broken toy, he manipulates his best friend, Jude Archer, into picking up the pieces. Jude has been in love with Ben for years, but his fantasies about his friend never included whipping him. He doesn't understand why Ben needs BDSM and he worries about Ben’s addiction. Most of all, he fears losing his humanity because he’s already lost himself in Ben. When he’s forced to trade the marks upon his soul for the pain that ravages Ben, Jude learns the real definition of submission.
200 pages, ebook
First published September 26, 2013
5 people are currently reading
416 people want to read
About the author
J.P. Barnaby
51 books581 followersAn award-winning, best-selling novelist of over a dozen books, J. P. Barnaby is a proud member of the GLBT community both online and in her small town on the outskirts of Chicago. A member of Mensa, she is often described as brilliant but troubled, sweet but introverted and talented but deviant. She spends her days writing software and her nights writing erotica which is, of course, far more interesting. The spare time that she carves out between her career and her novels is spent reading about the concept of love, which, like some of her characters, she has never quite figured out for herself.
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May 29, 2014
2 stars. DNF @62 %. Review posted May 29, 2014
Not much to say about this one. It was ridiculously melodramatic and the story stopped off in Sapsville numerous times. I couldn't have cared less about these characters. I did not care about the unerotic sex either and I sure as heck couldn't have been more indifferent when it came to the (expected) (the title gives a broad hint). Because Ben's Ben is all about severe pain to be able to cope with his loss. This story is inundated with über heartache, über pain and drama and don't get me started on Ben's self-flagellation and self-pity. Plus, I can't hear the endearment boy anymore. Hello, boy,"… Ugh.
So, I've been a loser pretty much since the very beginning."
Yeah, I agree. When I hear you talk like this then I sure as hell see you as a big loser. Not the circumstances made you one, though. *rolls eyes*
"Who the fuck would want me?" Ben sighed, and Jude's head snapped back to look. "I'm broken, Julian. I work, I come home, I barely function." Ben never called him Julian and the contrast startled him.
Poor Ben. He talks himself down all the time. What a whiny wuss. *pets*
Frankly, there must be people out there who are into BDSM who actually enjoy what they're doing without having any hang-ups and without needing to get or severely beaten to exorcise their demons.
I found it mighty strange that Kage talked about the just before they entered the club and Ben simply jumped the gun without thinking it through. Pretty astounding.
At 29 % I was ready to throw in the towel when I read this…
He didn't want to see the condemnation in Jude's eyes. He'd fucked up, he knew it. Jude had begged him for years to but since that took away the possibility that his pain could end, he never listened.
made me almost lose my marbles. Are you friggin' kidding me? *really, really serious headdesk moment*
At 48 %: Pulling his knees up, he wet his fingers in his mouth and wasted no time fingering his hole. (…)
Hmm…a small yet important detail… Very realistic. Not.
I finally quit at 62 % after Jude "played" Dom for the first time. Just because he was Enough of that nonsense. It's safe to say that Painting Fire on the Air wasn't my cup of tea. Onwards…
As a side note
Ben's
Not much to say about this one. It was ridiculously melodramatic and the story stopped off in Sapsville numerous times. I couldn't have cared less about these characters. I did not care about the unerotic sex either and I sure as heck couldn't have been more indifferent when it came to the (expected) (the title gives a broad hint). Because Ben's Ben is all about severe pain to be able to cope with his loss. This story is inundated with über heartache, über pain and drama and don't get me started on Ben's self-flagellation and self-pity. Plus, I can't hear the endearment boy anymore. Hello, boy,"… Ugh.
So, I've been a loser pretty much since the very beginning."
Yeah, I agree. When I hear you talk like this then I sure as hell see you as a big loser. Not the circumstances made you one, though. *rolls eyes*
"Who the fuck would want me?" Ben sighed, and Jude's head snapped back to look. "I'm broken, Julian. I work, I come home, I barely function." Ben never called him Julian and the contrast startled him.
Poor Ben. He talks himself down all the time. What a whiny wuss. *pets*
Frankly, there must be people out there who are into BDSM who actually enjoy what they're doing without having any hang-ups and without needing to get or severely beaten to exorcise their demons.
I found it mighty strange that Kage talked about the just before they entered the club and Ben simply jumped the gun without thinking it through. Pretty astounding.
At 29 % I was ready to throw in the towel when I read this…
He didn't want to see the condemnation in Jude's eyes. He'd fucked up, he knew it. Jude had begged him for years to but since that took away the possibility that his pain could end, he never listened.
made me almost lose my marbles. Are you friggin' kidding me? *really, really serious headdesk moment*
At 48 %: Pulling his knees up, he wet his fingers in his mouth and wasted no time fingering his hole. (…)
Hmm…a small yet important detail… Very realistic. Not.
I finally quit at 62 % after Jude "played" Dom for the first time. Just because he was Enough of that nonsense. It's safe to say that Painting Fire on the Air wasn't my cup of tea. Onwards…
As a side note
Ben's
September 27, 2013
JP Baranby’s writing could permeate even the hardest of hearts, this is an excellent story that will stay with you, a journey of two men that have broken hearts for different reasons, finding what had for so long evaded them was really right there all along.
This is the second book in the survivor stories, they are not connected so can be read as stand alones but what they both have in common is the main characters Aaron from book one and Ben from this book are survivors, both having lost someone they love to a heinous crime and how the guilt that comes with that loss and their own survival festers and mentally becomes an unbearable burden.
I will sit and castigate myself yet again, that I have not read all of JP Barnaby’s work… why? Because she is a remarkably gifted writer and her talent lies in her character development and ability to create that emotional connection that binds you to them. I empathised with Jude and Ben, became invested in every minute detail of their lives as though it were my own. Ms. Barnaby feeds information in such a way that my heart was bleeding for these two characters, I laughed, cried, shouted a few profanities along with them and was overwhelmed at her capacity to create such intensity and emotion all through her literary skills… and the sex, well, hose me down now! With Kage, it was fierce, raw and powerful as the BDSM scenes were played and with Jude and Ben, together, there was an intimacy and sensuality that intensified what was already between them… I just love it all!!!
In the prologue, we meet Ben in a scene with his Dom, Kage, enduring the pain his body and mind crave, we see deep into the soul of this man that feels it is a penance, that he deserves the intolerable pain he receives at the hands of his Dom, but the abuse to his body fails to to dissipate the agonising ache, a constant that overwhelms his heart, but for Ben it is a moment of oblivion and a way to control the nightmares that plague him, and his way of dealing with keeping those demons at bay.
Kage is… well, I am lost for words as to how pissed off I was with that man! I wasn’t particularly enamoured from the start, they have a Dom/sub contract, an arrangement based on needs and sexual desire, with a distinct lack of emotion. Ben’s body is a slave to what Kage can give him which is just something else he feels guilt over… the utter disgust with himself for his depravity.
Ben see’s himself as broken, a failure but to me he was just a frightened boy, scared of letting go of all that emotion, depriving himself of any kind of love and affection as further retribution… with the secret of his lifestyle also weighing heavy on his mind, especially with Jude, his flat mate and best friend, and also a man with his own secret and heart ache.
To Jude, Ben is the confident, fun loving man he has known for four years and loved for almost three of those after a drunken night of sex that was never repeated, fear of losing his best friend and fear of losing Ben FULL STOP, was what was holding him back… only Jude can think of nothing else… unrequited love, I am sure at some point we have all been on the receiving end of that particular torture! It takes a motorcycle accident and the discovery of Bens lifestyle for Jude to finally let out all the pent up sexual frustration and emotion through fear of losing the man he loves… and Oh. My. God! Baton down the hatches and be prepared to be WOWED by the intensity and emotional connection that will leave you breathless!
So Jude lets Ben have it just the way he likes it… only he is left conflicted, he will do anything to keep Ben in his life, but physically harm the man he loves? There was no denying his own reaction, but that came not from inflicting pain but because he was the cause of Bens ecstasy. When Jude finally opens his heart and is honest with Ben, well, I thought my heart would burst it was so full. I felt as though I was also finally free of the heavy weight that had been burdening it.
Seeing a BDSM Club and the lifestyle through the eyes of Jude the geeky accountant was enlightening to say the least and so funny, I chuckled all the way through his initiation... apart from the last bit, that just left me in a puddle of lust! Initially I wasn’t convinced that Jude, being so selfless and susceptible in his love for Ben, wanting to do anything to keep Ben happy, would make Dom material and I worried he was doing it for the wrong reasons as the whole thing scared the shit out of him thinking he would do more harm than good, and failure to be what Ben needed would mean the end of the spark of hope for a future he was so tenuously clinging to… Ben on the other hand was like a kid who’s Christmas's had come all at once and he will do anything it takes to at least get a compromise from Jude.
After all the initial angst and heart break it was a joy to watch this relationship develop, to see them open up and be truly honest with each other and work through their insecurities, making the dynamics of this relationship very interesting! Ben and Jude melted my heart as they made their own rules… and I liked that Jude could also be needy and vulnerable because that was also who he was. There are no stereotypes here, they worked with what they had because at the end of the day, what was more important was the fact they had each other. Ben needed more than just having his ghosts momentarily forgotten by having his sexual desires sated, and he craved the love that he had denied himself for so long… and Jude, I loved seeing him grow in confidence and step out of his boring accountant shoes and explore a side to him that he never in a million years thought he had in him… and I had tingles down my spine when he got all growly!
Aaron sits happily on my all time favourites shelf and will soon be accompanied by Painting Fire On The Air… we will sit pretty and wait to see what happens in book #3 Spencer! CAN’T WAIT!!!
If BDSM is a genre you love, with tortured souls, angst and a kaleidoscope of emotions with lots of kinky sex and a bad ass Dom… then you will enjoy this book and I Highly recommend it!
This is the second book in the survivor stories, they are not connected so can be read as stand alones but what they both have in common is the main characters Aaron from book one and Ben from this book are survivors, both having lost someone they love to a heinous crime and how the guilt that comes with that loss and their own survival festers and mentally becomes an unbearable burden.
I will sit and castigate myself yet again, that I have not read all of JP Barnaby’s work… why? Because she is a remarkably gifted writer and her talent lies in her character development and ability to create that emotional connection that binds you to them. I empathised with Jude and Ben, became invested in every minute detail of their lives as though it were my own. Ms. Barnaby feeds information in such a way that my heart was bleeding for these two characters, I laughed, cried, shouted a few profanities along with them and was overwhelmed at her capacity to create such intensity and emotion all through her literary skills… and the sex, well, hose me down now! With Kage, it was fierce, raw and powerful as the BDSM scenes were played and with Jude and Ben, together, there was an intimacy and sensuality that intensified what was already between them… I just love it all!!!
In the prologue, we meet Ben in a scene with his Dom, Kage, enduring the pain his body and mind crave, we see deep into the soul of this man that feels it is a penance, that he deserves the intolerable pain he receives at the hands of his Dom, but the abuse to his body fails to to dissipate the agonising ache, a constant that overwhelms his heart, but for Ben it is a moment of oblivion and a way to control the nightmares that plague him, and his way of dealing with keeping those demons at bay.
Kage is… well, I am lost for words as to how pissed off I was with that man! I wasn’t particularly enamoured from the start, they have a Dom/sub contract, an arrangement based on needs and sexual desire, with a distinct lack of emotion. Ben’s body is a slave to what Kage can give him which is just something else he feels guilt over… the utter disgust with himself for his depravity.
Kage sliced the flogger through the space between them, creating spiralling torrents of light and color like an Olympic gymnast twirling a blazing flame, Kage painted fire on the air.
Ben see’s himself as broken, a failure but to me he was just a frightened boy, scared of letting go of all that emotion, depriving himself of any kind of love and affection as further retribution… with the secret of his lifestyle also weighing heavy on his mind, especially with Jude, his flat mate and best friend, and also a man with his own secret and heart ache.
To Jude, Ben is the confident, fun loving man he has known for four years and loved for almost three of those after a drunken night of sex that was never repeated, fear of losing his best friend and fear of losing Ben FULL STOP, was what was holding him back… only Jude can think of nothing else… unrequited love, I am sure at some point we have all been on the receiving end of that particular torture! It takes a motorcycle accident and the discovery of Bens lifestyle for Jude to finally let out all the pent up sexual frustration and emotion through fear of losing the man he loves… and Oh. My. God! Baton down the hatches and be prepared to be WOWED by the intensity and emotional connection that will leave you breathless!
So Jude lets Ben have it just the way he likes it… only he is left conflicted, he will do anything to keep Ben in his life, but physically harm the man he loves? There was no denying his own reaction, but that came not from inflicting pain but because he was the cause of Bens ecstasy. When Jude finally opens his heart and is honest with Ben, well, I thought my heart would burst it was so full. I felt as though I was also finally free of the heavy weight that had been burdening it.
Seeing a BDSM Club and the lifestyle through the eyes of Jude the geeky accountant was enlightening to say the least and so funny, I chuckled all the way through his initiation... apart from the last bit, that just left me in a puddle of lust! Initially I wasn’t convinced that Jude, being so selfless and susceptible in his love for Ben, wanting to do anything to keep Ben happy, would make Dom material and I worried he was doing it for the wrong reasons as the whole thing scared the shit out of him thinking he would do more harm than good, and failure to be what Ben needed would mean the end of the spark of hope for a future he was so tenuously clinging to… Ben on the other hand was like a kid who’s Christmas's had come all at once and he will do anything it takes to at least get a compromise from Jude.
“Let’s do a little light bondage, cuffs because they’re better for beginners, use an implement for impact play, and then finish off with a nice hot fuck. What do you think?” A twinkle appeared in Ben’s eye that hadn’t been there, a mischievous look that said he wanted to show Kage what he’d left discarded on the dungeon floor.
“Okay, first, what do you mean about an implement and impact play?” Jude asked.
After all the initial angst and heart break it was a joy to watch this relationship develop, to see them open up and be truly honest with each other and work through their insecurities, making the dynamics of this relationship very interesting! Ben and Jude melted my heart as they made their own rules… and I liked that Jude could also be needy and vulnerable because that was also who he was. There are no stereotypes here, they worked with what they had because at the end of the day, what was more important was the fact they had each other. Ben needed more than just having his ghosts momentarily forgotten by having his sexual desires sated, and he craved the love that he had denied himself for so long… and Jude, I loved seeing him grow in confidence and step out of his boring accountant shoes and explore a side to him that he never in a million years thought he had in him… and I had tingles down my spine when he got all growly!
With everything he was, he wanted to be collared again; he wanted the collar to belong to Jude. Even if Jude had a problem with pain and inflicting it on Ben, they could work anything out as long as they did it together. Of that, he was almost certain. Almost.
Aaron sits happily on my all time favourites shelf and will soon be accompanied by Painting Fire On The Air… we will sit pretty and wait to see what happens in book #3 Spencer! CAN’T WAIT!!!
If BDSM is a genre you love, with tortured souls, angst and a kaleidoscope of emotions with lots of kinky sex and a bad ass Dom… then you will enjoy this book and I Highly recommend it!
October 1, 2013
This was a very powerful, if a bit on the harsh side, BDSM tale with a jumbo helping of healing/comfort. RIGHT up my alley! I loved everything about kind, understanding, lovable MC Jude, hopelessly in love with broken and battered down-to-his-very-soul, roommate MC Ben. The story starts off with Ben in a D/s relationship with Kage, a hard-as-nails Dom who was way too harsh for my tastes and eventually focuses on what is in Ben's best interest to heal.
I would have very happily given this book 5 stars, but there was a big section in the middle of the book that really dragged for me. Nothing was happening, I started getting bored and kept putting the book down and it really affected my enjoyment. But once things picked up at about 75%, I couldn't put it down. I'm definitely going to highly recommended Painting Fire on the Air to all lovers of M/M romance, healing/comfort and BDSM, but be warned there may be a bit of a lag in the middle. Hopefully it was just me! Because this book was kick ass.
Have fun!
I would have very happily given this book 5 stars, but there was a big section in the middle of the book that really dragged for me. Nothing was happening, I started getting bored and kept putting the book down and it really affected my enjoyment. But once things picked up at about 75%, I couldn't put it down. I'm definitely going to highly recommended Painting Fire on the Air to all lovers of M/M romance, healing/comfort and BDSM, but be warned there may be a bit of a lag in the middle. Hopefully it was just me! Because this book was kick ass.
Have fun!
September 30, 2013
4.5 stars Review written for The Blog of Sid Love.
Ben is suffering from heavy guilt and the loss of his younger sister for which he feels responsible. He has tried different ways to cope with his suffering, but has found the best thing to keep the bad feelings and dreams at bay are somewhat hardcore BDSM session.
Ben lives with his friend, Jude. Despite one night of crazy sex, the two have remained best friends, neither wanting to give up or lose the friendship by taking things further. Things have been working fairly well until, due to certain circumstances, Ben’s Dom, Kage, breaks their contract, leaving Ben floundering.
The real struggle here is between Ben and Jude, who decide to take things further but find out that there are other factors involved that could prevent them from making thing work. Jude has wanted and been in love with Ben for a while, and now he finally has him. Unfortunately, Ben’s issues are still front and center, with Jude trying hard to understand and contemplate his own capabilities of being able to provide what Ben needs.
First, it was extremely refreshing to see a different aspect to BDSM than I have ever seen before. The scenes were, by far, my favorite part of this story, and I really wish they were longer or that there were more of them. They feel so real and paint such a vivid picture that I almost feel as if I’m in the room watching from the sidelines (or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part).
I wasn’t too sure how I felt about Jude trying to be a Dom for Ben’s sake, as he was pretty uncomfortable with the end results the majority of the time, even if he got off on actually doing it. But, in the end, he finds ways to give Ben what he needs in ways that he is able to cope with himself. At the same time, I could genuinely feel his confidence growing as time went on.
I initially liked Kage a lot, but that quickly changed with his actions right up to the end. Giovanni (or Gio), however, the Dom he recommended Jude contact for assistance and guidance, is hot stuff. I would love to see a story about him and/or Sal, Inferno’s owner. They both seem to be the real deal.
You can easily tell the research and/or experience has been done when reading Barnaby’s stories, and it’s a joy to feel that way when reading them. I couldn’t get my greedy hands on this story fast enough, and I’ll feel the same when the next book comes out.
October 4, 2013
Let me beginn with the cover. It's one of the best I've ever seen. 5 stars for the design!
Anyone who knows J.P's earlier works The Forbidden Room and A House of Cards can be sure she knows the ropes. So I had no doubt Painting Fire On The Air would be her new masterpiece.
Because he wasn't able to save his sister Juliette from being attacked and murdered Ben suffers deep emotional pain and is haunted by nightmares. His roommate Jude has been in love with Ben for several years. Although they had sex once before Ben doesn't seem to reciprocate Jude's feelings.
The only relief are BDSM sessions with his master Kage. After a fire flogging Kage doesn't stop Ben from riding back home with his motorbike. Endorphin-filled Ben gets hit by a car and ends with a injured knee, brain bleeding and a broken arm in the hospital.
Kage ends their contract because of Ben's injuries. That leaves Ben without the escape the sessions with the Dom has been giving him.
Without hesitation Jude rushes to Ben's side. He wants to be there for Ben. They end up sleeping together again and finally admit how they feel for each other. Jude has to come to terms with what Ben needs and if he can be the Dom Ben needs to stabilize his emotional pain.
Jude and Ben slowly begin to work on a relationship, and Jude agrees to give Ben the pain he craves. It's not in Jude's nature to hurt Ben, but there is a part of Jude that finds Ben submitting to him erotic. In the end he manages to give Ben what he needs...
The visual description of the fire flogging is more than beautiful. Reading it felt so real, it was amazing!
Highly recommended to all BDSM fans and to those who want to witness the development of a loving and strong relationship based on love and trust.
March 30, 2016
When I saw this book being offered as an ARC, I hesitated. And then I messaged the author on FB to ask her whether my heart could take it. She assured me I'd be fine.
See, I'm not one for a lot of angst. Those books are few and far between, usually, and I'd heard of this book (as it's a second edition, with a revised title), and the others in this series as being very angsty. Full of heartache and pain.
But I trusted JP Barnaby when she said I could handle this one.
So I asked the publisher for a copy. I don't regret it. I don't regret having read this book, despite how it hurt my heart.
Ben Martin's pain is evident from the start. Something horrible happened to his sister, something for which he blames himself to this day, and the only thing that keeps him mostly sane is his submission, the pain he receives at the hands of his Dom, Kage.
Ben lives with his friend, Jude Archer, who's been in love with Ben for years, but who doesn't know the extent of what Ben does with his Dom. But then Ben's world comes to a crashing halt, when he loses the one thing that keeps him tethered to his sanity.
I cried a lot while reading this book, and I know that I won't be able to read its predecessor. The author pulls no punches with this story, and doesn't hold back from delving deeply into Ben's fractured heart, showing her readers with each word how much this man is suffering. The words flow, and they kept me glued to the pages, not only for the intense descriptions of the BDSM scenes, but also for the parts that put Jude front and center, Jude, who gives up pieces of himself to help the man he loves.
My niggle with this book is the ending - it felt rushed, as if we skipped over important parts. Yes, I got the happy ending I wanted, the ending I needed Ben and Jude to have, but I missed out on seeing their growth. Seeing how they moved up from that massive step Jude took, seeing how Ben reconciles with his parents, how he learns to accept forgiveness and forgive himself. I would have liked to see that.
Still, that's my hang-up, I suppose, and it shouldn't stop you from reading this book. There is growth, after all, in Ben and in Jude, and even Ben's old Dom can finally see Ben for the treasure he is, the one he gave up all to easily. Stupid Dom.
The author, though never preachy with her words, also makes it very clear that she knows what she's talking about when she writes about BDSM, about the scenes, about the roles of Dom and sub, the nuances in every relationship, and that the first rule of any BDSM relationship is that it's sane, safe, and consensual.
I liked that we didn't just get to see the inner workings of Ben, but also Jude's struggles as he finds himself in the role of a Dom to Ben, even as he hates himself for liking it. I think that's probably the biggest hurdle Jude had to overcome in his journey, and the one that held him back for most of it.
What also stood out was the difference between Kage and Jude when it came to caring for Ben. Kage apparently only saw Ben as a toy for himself, as someone to play with, have scenes with, providing the required aftercare as almost a chore, whereas Jude's primary thought was FOR Ben, applying care because he loved him, not because it was a requirement. Jude did what he did for Ben, unlike Kage, who came across as a selfish asshole.
I smile evilly when Kage gets put in his place - he deserved it. I cheered for Jude. And even more so for Ben, who learns and finally sees the difference too.
This is not a fluffy romance, not even close. But it is a love story.
** I received a free copy of this book from its publisher. A positive review was not promised in return. **
See, I'm not one for a lot of angst. Those books are few and far between, usually, and I'd heard of this book (as it's a second edition, with a revised title), and the others in this series as being very angsty. Full of heartache and pain.
But I trusted JP Barnaby when she said I could handle this one.
So I asked the publisher for a copy. I don't regret it. I don't regret having read this book, despite how it hurt my heart.
Ben Martin's pain is evident from the start. Something horrible happened to his sister, something for which he blames himself to this day, and the only thing that keeps him mostly sane is his submission, the pain he receives at the hands of his Dom, Kage.
Ben lives with his friend, Jude Archer, who's been in love with Ben for years, but who doesn't know the extent of what Ben does with his Dom. But then Ben's world comes to a crashing halt, when he loses the one thing that keeps him tethered to his sanity.
I cried a lot while reading this book, and I know that I won't be able to read its predecessor. The author pulls no punches with this story, and doesn't hold back from delving deeply into Ben's fractured heart, showing her readers with each word how much this man is suffering. The words flow, and they kept me glued to the pages, not only for the intense descriptions of the BDSM scenes, but also for the parts that put Jude front and center, Jude, who gives up pieces of himself to help the man he loves.
My niggle with this book is the ending - it felt rushed, as if we skipped over important parts. Yes, I got the happy ending I wanted, the ending I needed Ben and Jude to have, but I missed out on seeing their growth. Seeing how they moved up from that massive step Jude took, seeing how Ben reconciles with his parents, how he learns to accept forgiveness and forgive himself. I would have liked to see that.
Still, that's my hang-up, I suppose, and it shouldn't stop you from reading this book. There is growth, after all, in Ben and in Jude, and even Ben's old Dom can finally see Ben for the treasure he is, the one he gave up all to easily. Stupid Dom.
The author, though never preachy with her words, also makes it very clear that she knows what she's talking about when she writes about BDSM, about the scenes, about the roles of Dom and sub, the nuances in every relationship, and that the first rule of any BDSM relationship is that it's sane, safe, and consensual.
I liked that we didn't just get to see the inner workings of Ben, but also Jude's struggles as he finds himself in the role of a Dom to Ben, even as he hates himself for liking it. I think that's probably the biggest hurdle Jude had to overcome in his journey, and the one that held him back for most of it.
What also stood out was the difference between Kage and Jude when it came to caring for Ben. Kage apparently only saw Ben as a toy for himself, as someone to play with, have scenes with, providing the required aftercare as almost a chore, whereas Jude's primary thought was FOR Ben, applying care because he loved him, not because it was a requirement. Jude did what he did for Ben, unlike Kage, who came across as a selfish asshole.
I smile evilly when Kage gets put in his place - he deserved it. I cheered for Jude. And even more so for Ben, who learns and finally sees the difference too.
This is not a fluffy romance, not even close. But it is a love story.
** I received a free copy of this book from its publisher. A positive review was not promised in return. **
November 10, 2014
I admit it. It was the fire that brought me to this party. There's no shame in my game.
Dee Wy said fire flogging and I said…
And it was that good. It really was. The kink is a little 101, but I liked how much detail Ms. Barnaby put into each of their thoughts and feelings on domination and submission. Plus, the begging. God… FUCK! Can Ben ever beg. Christ on a fucking bike!
I thought for a minute there it was going to drift too far into feelzville for me, but the ship righted itself and got down to these two guys trying to forge a relationship based on friendship, love, trust and sacrifice.
Ben's a trained submissive and has been using BDSM to mask the pain of his sister's murder for which he feels responsible. Is it healthy? Well, it's better than cutting, I'll say that. We all have our crosses to bear and this is Ben's until he gets into an accident that hinders him for months. Jude, his roommate, has been in love with Ben since a wanton night of alcohol-fueled sex ended in awkwardness between them. Jude, also, is oblivious to Ben's extracurricular activities until after the accident when Ben's contractual dom, Kage, makes an appearance.
Can Jude become what Ben needs? That is the question. Can you make a dominant or is it some innate quality? I'm not sure how believable this is in real world terms, but I do think everyone has a tiny bit of kink in them. Maybe under the right conditions and with the right person that can grow and evolve. I don't know. But the question in and of itself I found fascinating.
For my first experience with this author it was really good. I'm wondering if maybe she'll write Kage's story next. Poor guy.
March 24, 2016
3/24/16 Re-reading cause I like it.
4.5 stars rounded up because I actually liked this story a lot.
This is just the type of BDSM book i love reading. It doesn't follow the regular steps you find on most BDSM story lines. And it provides some great food for thought on how expectations need to adjust in a relationship.
It's been a few days since I read this book and I am still thinking about Ben and Jude. That's always a great sign for me. This is up there with Leather+Lace in my list of bdsm favorites.
4.5 stars rounded up because I actually liked this story a lot.
This is just the type of BDSM book i love reading. It doesn't follow the regular steps you find on most BDSM story lines. And it provides some great food for thought on how expectations need to adjust in a relationship.
It's been a few days since I read this book and I am still thinking about Ben and Jude. That's always a great sign for me. This is up there with Leather+Lace in my list of bdsm favorites.
June 14, 2017
Guilt can make you do things you might not normally ever do. For Ben, his guilt drives him to accept physical pain in order to not have to feel the pain in his heart. Ben's guilt is so huge that he doesn't believe he ever deserves to be happy, and definitely not loved. In his mind, Ben believes he is fully responsible for his little sister, Juliette's, murder. It was Ben's job to watch out for her and keep her safe and he failed.
It's been four years and the pain is still just as bad. Ben's parents couldn't handle the hole Juliette's death left, so they sold their home and moved away. Ben couldn't go. He couldn't leave Juliette, even if it is just her grave. He answered an ad for a roommate and Jude is the best thing to ever happen to Ben. One drunken night they both succumbed to their attraction and Ben feels it changed their friendship, so he isn't going there again. Jude keeps him grounded and cares for him, even though Ben has never told Jude about any of his issues, fearing Jude would be too freaked out and leave. But, Jude has been in love with Ben for almost three years, too afraid to tell him for fear of losing Ben. When Jude inadvertently sees the marks that Kage, Ben's Dom, left on Ben's back, Ben feels it's only fair, finally, to share about Juliette's murder and Ben's love affair with BDSM. Kage and Ben have a friendship, of sorts, built on a symbiotic relationship of pain and sex. They are not lovers, they are simply Dom and sub.
A bad traffic accident suddenly changes everything. With Ben injured and the doctors saying it could be three months or more before he is able to get back to his regular life, Kage ends their contract early, as Ben isn't in any shape to play. Unfortunately, for Ben, he desperately needs the release that a Dom gives him to help keep him sane and to keep the nightmares at bay. Jude doesn't understand any of this. All Jude sees is that Ben has men beat him and claims he needs it. So when Jude discovers that Ben is actively looking for a new Dom, he loses it, confronts Ben, and the sparks erupt. While a large part of Jude is disgusted by what he's done, there's another part of him that is strangely turned on by the responses he got from Ben. And now Jude is riddled with guilt. How can they move on from here?
Jude agrees to try to give Ben what he needs as they slowly begin to work on a loving relationship, not just D/s. Jude is conflicted because it's not in his nature to hurt anyone, but Ben needs this, and there is a part of Jude that finds the idea of Ben submitting to him very erotic. "Blow after blow landed on Ben's ass until angry red lines began to form over his skin. Each line etched itself onto Jude's soul, and he bore their pain."
I'm not going to reveal whether Ben and Jude got to where they needed to be. I'm only going to say that I loved this book, and I think J.P. Barnaby's writing, characters, and story were intense and agonizing. It opened my mind up to concepts I had not thought of before and it gave me a new appreciation for the people in the lifestyle. They are not abnormal or deviants, they are people, just like you or me, who express their desires in a BDSM lifestyle.
The visual description of the fire flogging was incredibly beautiful.
NOTE: This book was provided by Dreamspinner Press for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews
It's been four years and the pain is still just as bad. Ben's parents couldn't handle the hole Juliette's death left, so they sold their home and moved away. Ben couldn't go. He couldn't leave Juliette, even if it is just her grave. He answered an ad for a roommate and Jude is the best thing to ever happen to Ben. One drunken night they both succumbed to their attraction and Ben feels it changed their friendship, so he isn't going there again. Jude keeps him grounded and cares for him, even though Ben has never told Jude about any of his issues, fearing Jude would be too freaked out and leave. But, Jude has been in love with Ben for almost three years, too afraid to tell him for fear of losing Ben. When Jude inadvertently sees the marks that Kage, Ben's Dom, left on Ben's back, Ben feels it's only fair, finally, to share about Juliette's murder and Ben's love affair with BDSM. Kage and Ben have a friendship, of sorts, built on a symbiotic relationship of pain and sex. They are not lovers, they are simply Dom and sub.
A bad traffic accident suddenly changes everything. With Ben injured and the doctors saying it could be three months or more before he is able to get back to his regular life, Kage ends their contract early, as Ben isn't in any shape to play. Unfortunately, for Ben, he desperately needs the release that a Dom gives him to help keep him sane and to keep the nightmares at bay. Jude doesn't understand any of this. All Jude sees is that Ben has men beat him and claims he needs it. So when Jude discovers that Ben is actively looking for a new Dom, he loses it, confronts Ben, and the sparks erupt. While a large part of Jude is disgusted by what he's done, there's another part of him that is strangely turned on by the responses he got from Ben. And now Jude is riddled with guilt. How can they move on from here?
Jude agrees to try to give Ben what he needs as they slowly begin to work on a loving relationship, not just D/s. Jude is conflicted because it's not in his nature to hurt anyone, but Ben needs this, and there is a part of Jude that finds the idea of Ben submitting to him very erotic. "Blow after blow landed on Ben's ass until angry red lines began to form over his skin. Each line etched itself onto Jude's soul, and he bore their pain."
I'm not going to reveal whether Ben and Jude got to where they needed to be. I'm only going to say that I loved this book, and I think J.P. Barnaby's writing, characters, and story were intense and agonizing. It opened my mind up to concepts I had not thought of before and it gave me a new appreciation for the people in the lifestyle. They are not abnormal or deviants, they are people, just like you or me, who express their desires in a BDSM lifestyle.
The visual description of the fire flogging was incredibly beautiful.
NOTE: This book was provided by Dreamspinner Press for the purpose of a review on Rainbow Book Reviews
November 17, 2013
3.5 Stars
J.P Barnaby is one of the most emotive writers I know. For some readers her characters will crawl under your skin, bind your heart and have you weeping for their tormented souls within the first 25% and if you aren’t? Ha! You soon will be, she has a propensity to sideswipe and compound the drama when you least expect it.
Emotional manipulation? No, not really it’s just the way she tells it. Her comprehensive characterisation of Ben’s guilt, pain and self-loathing is reason enough to feel moved. Bens POV is not an easy involvement, his sorrow is tangible and I wonder why I want to immerse myself in such misery. The author tempers grief and it’s trappings with solid, intense BDSM scenes – the best bit being the introduction of fire play. Wow right? J.P informatively reveals this craft with vivid imagery. My initial reaction being the vanilla (ish) girl that I am was: Are these guys NUTS? But then, when the scene reads like this…
…my horror turns to wonder.
Painting with Fire is not a cheery tale. The author goes deep into the emotional pain and hard on the physical. Ben mourns his sister and laments his failures while Jude mourns for a love he thinks he will never have with Ben. There is a certain follow the dots healing-hearts formula to it BUT it’s a path worth following – the aftercare is exceptional and WILL leave you feeling satisfied, floating in your own happy bubble of hope.
The only real issue I have (ignoring niggles) is that this story is ALL about Ben. Ben’s pain, Ben’s guilt, Ben’s needs, Ben’s life …I never got a real feel for Jude because Jude is all about Ben too. There is nothing to Jude beyond what he felt for Ben or beyond what he was willing to sacrifice for him either. Jude is everything good and whole but I wanted to see more than the selfless and adoring Jude.
Painting with Fire is good and I enjoyed it – but not as much as The Forbidden Room and Deconstructing Ethan (IMO) this felt easier, more foreseeable and yet I felt comforted by the predictability. This book is affecting yet comforting, sexy and sensual, I can’t see anyone feeling dissatisfied with it.
Recommended for those who love the healing hearts tropes with some forceful BDSM.
J.P Barnaby is one of the most emotive writers I know. For some readers her characters will crawl under your skin, bind your heart and have you weeping for their tormented souls within the first 25% and if you aren’t? Ha! You soon will be, she has a propensity to sideswipe and compound the drama when you least expect it.
Emotional manipulation? No, not really it’s just the way she tells it. Her comprehensive characterisation of Ben’s guilt, pain and self-loathing is reason enough to feel moved. Bens POV is not an easy involvement, his sorrow is tangible and I wonder why I want to immerse myself in such misery. The author tempers grief and it’s trappings with solid, intense BDSM scenes – the best bit being the introduction of fire play. Wow right? J.P informatively reveals this craft with vivid imagery. My initial reaction being the vanilla (ish) girl that I am was: Are these guys NUTS? But then, when the scene reads like this…
“The flogger flew over his skin in alternating arcs of incandescent flame. The scorching trails left in its wake exploded into wings of fire, casting shadows over his face, transforming him into an angel of vengeance”
…my horror turns to wonder.
Painting with Fire is not a cheery tale. The author goes deep into the emotional pain and hard on the physical. Ben mourns his sister and laments his failures while Jude mourns for a love he thinks he will never have with Ben. There is a certain follow the dots healing-hearts formula to it BUT it’s a path worth following – the aftercare is exceptional and WILL leave you feeling satisfied, floating in your own happy bubble of hope.
The only real issue I have (ignoring niggles) is that this story is ALL about Ben. Ben’s pain, Ben’s guilt, Ben’s needs, Ben’s life …I never got a real feel for Jude because Jude is all about Ben too. There is nothing to Jude beyond what he felt for Ben or beyond what he was willing to sacrifice for him either. Jude is everything good and whole but I wanted to see more than the selfless and adoring Jude.
Painting with Fire is good and I enjoyed it – but not as much as The Forbidden Room and Deconstructing Ethan (IMO) this felt easier, more foreseeable and yet I felt comforted by the predictability. This book is affecting yet comforting, sexy and sensual, I can’t see anyone feeling dissatisfied with it.
Recommended for those who love the healing hearts tropes with some forceful BDSM.
November 17, 2013
I had no idea there was another book in the series. I was twisted and gutted by reading Aaron and this one packed the characteristic emotional punch although it seemed more balanced. For the life of me I cannot figure out why because this book was ALL about balance. How precarious it is, what happens when you don't have it, and how wide can be the spread even while on the outside things make it look chummy chummy. Once I started this I did not stop (but I was prepared..it was a Saturday night LOL).
I felt for Jude and Ben - I mourned with them for both the obvious losses (Juliet) and the not so obvious (Jude having to let go of this perfect image of how his life with Ben could be and realizing that work and compromise would be the order of the day). Although I'm not fond, in any way, of people using BDSM as therapy (clearly that was here) I did like that it's probably more realistic to assume some folks do and that they should be seeking other therapy as well. I mean realistically no one comes to kink without any baggage..regardless of what is in the bag.
As haunting as the first one in the series - for different reasons. It is always hard to watch a character deconstruct...and the amount of love it takes to overcome and work with what life has thrown at you is great. I loved the ending - and I def. felt there would be a balance in their relationship with the BDSM. This is made all the unique because, even if Ben does full rounds of therapy and gets "better", he'll still want the pain and D/s to get off. That's got to be o.k. As long as it's SSC or RACK it is all o.k. with me. A great follow up to one of the best books of 2012!
I felt for Jude and Ben - I mourned with them for both the obvious losses (Juliet) and the not so obvious (Jude having to let go of this perfect image of how his life with Ben could be and realizing that work and compromise would be the order of the day). Although I'm not fond, in any way, of people using BDSM as therapy (clearly that was here) I did like that it's probably more realistic to assume some folks do and that they should be seeking other therapy as well. I mean realistically no one comes to kink without any baggage..regardless of what is in the bag.
As haunting as the first one in the series - for different reasons. It is always hard to watch a character deconstruct...and the amount of love it takes to overcome and work with what life has thrown at you is great. I loved the ending - and I def. felt there would be a balance in their relationship with the BDSM. This is made all the unique because, even if Ben does full rounds of therapy and gets "better", he'll still want the pain and D/s to get off. That's got to be o.k. As long as it's SSC or RACK it is all o.k. with me. A great follow up to one of the best books of 2012!
September 6, 2014
NOTE: Review slightly spoilerish about plot.
4.5 Stars
Damn, what an emotional read! I've been sitting here a few minutes staring at this review box where it says "What did you think?" Well, not so easy to put that into words when my emotions are all over the place with this story. Early on when Ben was with his Dom, Kage, seeking extreme physical pain to quiet his emotional pain, it was HOT and troubling at the same time. Watching Ben's roommate Jude pine for a relationship with Ben and worry about Kage hurting him was a bit heartbreaking.
After Ben is in an accident and loses his Dom, Ben is forced to allow Jude and others to care for him. This is when Ben and Jude start to build a relationship, one step forward and two back sometimes. The hardest part is Jude having to accept that Ben NEEDS someone to tell him what to do and give him the pain he craves to ease his soul. I loved how Jude was able to step up and push himself to be what Ben needed in a way that worked for both of them. The resulting relationship was so wonderful to watch.
The fire flogging? Scarey shit, beats candle wax all to hell, but I bet it was amazing to watch!
Highly recommend for BDSM fans! Stands alone in this series just fine.
4.5 Stars
Damn, what an emotional read! I've been sitting here a few minutes staring at this review box where it says "What did you think?" Well, not so easy to put that into words when my emotions are all over the place with this story. Early on when Ben was with his Dom, Kage, seeking extreme physical pain to quiet his emotional pain, it was HOT and troubling at the same time. Watching Ben's roommate Jude pine for a relationship with Ben and worry about Kage hurting him was a bit heartbreaking.
After Ben is in an accident and loses his Dom, Ben is forced to allow Jude and others to care for him. This is when Ben and Jude start to build a relationship, one step forward and two back sometimes. The hardest part is Jude having to accept that Ben NEEDS someone to tell him what to do and give him the pain he craves to ease his soul. I loved how Jude was able to step up and push himself to be what Ben needed in a way that worked for both of them. The resulting relationship was so wonderful to watch.
The fire flogging? Scarey shit, beats candle wax all to hell, but I bet it was amazing to watch!
Highly recommend for BDSM fans! Stands alone in this series just fine.
September 28, 2013
Whether awake or asleep, Ben is haunted by nightmares of the murder of his sister Juliette. He takes full responsibility for her death because he promised his parents that he would watch over her and protect her on the day Juliette was adopted. He didn’t pick her up from debate practice the night she was attacked and murdered therefore, in his opinion, he’s responsible. The only relief from emotional pain he can find is when he’s in the subspace created by his Dom, Kage.
When Kage proposes that they try fire flogging, Ben agrees and that night, against Kage’s better judgment, he allows a still endorphin-filled Ben to ride home on his motorcycle instead of taking the ride Kage offers him. That’s the night that Ben is side-swiped by a woman texting while driving, and Ben ends up hospitalized with a broken arm, injured knee, and a bleeding artery in his brain.
His roommate, Jude, is devastated when the cops come to their apartment to try to find next-of-kin contact information. Jude has been secretly in love with Ben for the past few years and, though they’ve had sex once before after a drunken party night, his love has gone unrequited. He rushes to Ben’s side and becomes his primary support, even after Ben’s parents show up and want to take him back to their home in Florida.
While Ben is still in the hospital, Jude intercepts a call from Kage to Ben and angrily tells Kage what happened when the Dom let Ben go home alone. When Kage shows up to see Ben, Kage terminates their contract since it’s obvious that Ben will be unable to continue their Dom-sub relationship until he heals. Ben is devastated when he learns that Kage is moving on. It just reinforces Ben’s low self-esteem and his opinion that he’s a failure and doesn’t deserve any happiness at all.
During the time that Ben is homebound, without the emotional release that BDSM has provided him, tensions erupt between Ben and Jude. Finally, Ben reveals his need for pain to wipe away the living nightmare of Juliette’s death. When he gets out of the shower, he provokes Jude, who is already simmering with anger, and Jude strikes out with his bare hand to slap Ben’s butt. When Ben moans and begs for more, Jude removes his belt and gives Ben the beating that he’s craving. Ben begs for Jude to have sex with him and Jude complies eagerly. This time, though Jude is feeling guilty afterward, Ben invites Jude to his bedroom and ultimately gets Jude to start to talk with him about what they both need and want— a relationship with each other.
Jude is willing to go to great lengths to give Ben what he needs, including signing up for lessons from an experienced Dom. Ultimately, the guys each compromise and learn the give and take of a balanced relationship. They love each other and are willing to work for their promise of a HEA.
There’s a great deal of angst in the first half of this book, as well as misunderstandings and miscommunication. I wanted to shout at them and tell them to just talk to each other so the misunderstandings could be resolved. Fortunately, they finally talked and began to work through their major issues— primarily Ben’s need for pain and Jude’s hesitance to hurt him.
I really liked the character development in this story— both the MCs and the secondary characters were realistic. Jude seemed to always have a determined strength and we were treated to little flashes of the Dom he had the potential to be. I liked the fact that Jude was able to gain confidence and apply that newfound confidence in the form of assertiveness in many facets of his life, including with Ben, at his workplace, and even in a confrontation with Kage.
I had to put the book down for a few hours today while I was involved in another project, and I found myself thinking about Ben and Jude constantly. For me, that’s the mark of a good author. I was fully engaged with these guys, wondering how they were doing and looking forward to learning more about them. I couldn’t wait to get home so that I could keep reading.
The author’s handling of the BDSM scenes, including the fire flogging, was realistic and very detailed with an underlying caution for use of the more hardcore implements clearly stated.
This book is indirectly related to Aaron, the story of the young man who was assaulted at the same time as Juliette was murdered. There’s no mention of Aaron in this story and if someone hadn’t told me about the relationship of the two books, I wouldn’t have realized it immediately. So, to those who are concerned about reading Aaron first— it’s really not necessary.
I highly recommend this book to all fans of BDSM and to those who want to witness the development of a strong relationship based on both love and trust.
Note: This book was provided to me by the publisher through Hearts on Fire Reviews in exchange for an impartial review.
When Kage proposes that they try fire flogging, Ben agrees and that night, against Kage’s better judgment, he allows a still endorphin-filled Ben to ride home on his motorcycle instead of taking the ride Kage offers him. That’s the night that Ben is side-swiped by a woman texting while driving, and Ben ends up hospitalized with a broken arm, injured knee, and a bleeding artery in his brain.
His roommate, Jude, is devastated when the cops come to their apartment to try to find next-of-kin contact information. Jude has been secretly in love with Ben for the past few years and, though they’ve had sex once before after a drunken party night, his love has gone unrequited. He rushes to Ben’s side and becomes his primary support, even after Ben’s parents show up and want to take him back to their home in Florida.
While Ben is still in the hospital, Jude intercepts a call from Kage to Ben and angrily tells Kage what happened when the Dom let Ben go home alone. When Kage shows up to see Ben, Kage terminates their contract since it’s obvious that Ben will be unable to continue their Dom-sub relationship until he heals. Ben is devastated when he learns that Kage is moving on. It just reinforces Ben’s low self-esteem and his opinion that he’s a failure and doesn’t deserve any happiness at all.
During the time that Ben is homebound, without the emotional release that BDSM has provided him, tensions erupt between Ben and Jude. Finally, Ben reveals his need for pain to wipe away the living nightmare of Juliette’s death. When he gets out of the shower, he provokes Jude, who is already simmering with anger, and Jude strikes out with his bare hand to slap Ben’s butt. When Ben moans and begs for more, Jude removes his belt and gives Ben the beating that he’s craving. Ben begs for Jude to have sex with him and Jude complies eagerly. This time, though Jude is feeling guilty afterward, Ben invites Jude to his bedroom and ultimately gets Jude to start to talk with him about what they both need and want— a relationship with each other.
Jude is willing to go to great lengths to give Ben what he needs, including signing up for lessons from an experienced Dom. Ultimately, the guys each compromise and learn the give and take of a balanced relationship. They love each other and are willing to work for their promise of a HEA.
There’s a great deal of angst in the first half of this book, as well as misunderstandings and miscommunication. I wanted to shout at them and tell them to just talk to each other so the misunderstandings could be resolved. Fortunately, they finally talked and began to work through their major issues— primarily Ben’s need for pain and Jude’s hesitance to hurt him.
I really liked the character development in this story— both the MCs and the secondary characters were realistic. Jude seemed to always have a determined strength and we were treated to little flashes of the Dom he had the potential to be. I liked the fact that Jude was able to gain confidence and apply that newfound confidence in the form of assertiveness in many facets of his life, including with Ben, at his workplace, and even in a confrontation with Kage.
I had to put the book down for a few hours today while I was involved in another project, and I found myself thinking about Ben and Jude constantly. For me, that’s the mark of a good author. I was fully engaged with these guys, wondering how they were doing and looking forward to learning more about them. I couldn’t wait to get home so that I could keep reading.
The author’s handling of the BDSM scenes, including the fire flogging, was realistic and very detailed with an underlying caution for use of the more hardcore implements clearly stated.
This book is indirectly related to Aaron, the story of the young man who was assaulted at the same time as Juliette was murdered. There’s no mention of Aaron in this story and if someone hadn’t told me about the relationship of the two books, I wouldn’t have realized it immediately. So, to those who are concerned about reading Aaron first— it’s really not necessary.
I highly recommend this book to all fans of BDSM and to those who want to witness the development of a strong relationship based on both love and trust.
Note: This book was provided to me by the publisher through Hearts on Fire Reviews in exchange for an impartial review.
October 2, 2013
4 Stars
A "Live Your Life, Buy The Book" Review
This was a really hot D/s book but a great love story also. I know I read in the acknowledgment the author had some experience in the lifestyle and I think it came through in the book. I was fascinated with all the details. The explanation of where and why to cause pain for pleasure was pretty damn tantalizing. Almost makes you wonder if you’d like it. Almost. ;)
Ben’s dealing with the guilt of his sister’s murder. He feels very strongly that he should have been there. Helped her somehow. Sometimes the horrors of what she went through play over and over in his head. Doing a scene with his Dom quiets the nightmares for a little while. It also really turns him on. He’s contracted with a very sought after Dom, Kage. Ben keeps getting deeper and deeper into the life, all while keeping it secret from his best friend and roommate, Jude. He can’t imagine coping without Jude in his life. Ben needs him.
Jude is secretly in love with Ben. He has been since that night three years ago when they got drunk and slept together. The awkward weeks after pretty much told Jude that Ben regretted what happened. Not wanting to lose his friend led to him keeping his mouth shut about how he feels about Ben.
One night Ben comes clean to Jude about his sister and the effect her dying had on him. He also comes clean about what he does with Kage. Jude doesn’t understand it. Sees it as Ben wanting to be hurt and punished to appease his guilt. Jude can’t understand how someone would want to be abused in that way.
An accident leaves Ben hospitalized with extensive injuries. Kage terminates their contract since Ben can’t physically take what he wants to dish out. Leaving Ben without the escape Kage has been providing him. Jude wants to be there for Ben. With such strong emotions flowing between them they end up sleeping together again and admitting how they feel for each other. It’s more amazing this time around. Ben is left hoping the truth doesn’t send Jude running from him. Jude has to come to terms with what Ben needs and if he can fill that role in his life.
This book was pretty damn good. I liked the emotion, passion and lust wrapped up in the BDSM theme. It was so well done. This is an excellent book to try if you don’t really get why people love D/s books. I was totally wrapped up in Ben’s pain and Jude’s love and desire for Ben. I even loved Kage despite the gut punch he gave to Ben. I totally get why people found him so hot. Yum! I hope he gets his own book. He just had those moments when you just knew he wanted more than just a sub to play with.
The sex in this book was so hot! During the scenes anticipating the next hit and Ben’s reaction was so sexy. Even with all the amazing sex in this book the most intense part was the connection between Ben and Jude. So beautiful. Really good book. I recommend!
A "Live Your Life, Buy The Book" Review
This was a really hot D/s book but a great love story also. I know I read in the acknowledgment the author had some experience in the lifestyle and I think it came through in the book. I was fascinated with all the details. The explanation of where and why to cause pain for pleasure was pretty damn tantalizing. Almost makes you wonder if you’d like it. Almost. ;)
Ben’s dealing with the guilt of his sister’s murder. He feels very strongly that he should have been there. Helped her somehow. Sometimes the horrors of what she went through play over and over in his head. Doing a scene with his Dom quiets the nightmares for a little while. It also really turns him on. He’s contracted with a very sought after Dom, Kage. Ben keeps getting deeper and deeper into the life, all while keeping it secret from his best friend and roommate, Jude. He can’t imagine coping without Jude in his life. Ben needs him.
Jude is secretly in love with Ben. He has been since that night three years ago when they got drunk and slept together. The awkward weeks after pretty much told Jude that Ben regretted what happened. Not wanting to lose his friend led to him keeping his mouth shut about how he feels about Ben.
One night Ben comes clean to Jude about his sister and the effect her dying had on him. He also comes clean about what he does with Kage. Jude doesn’t understand it. Sees it as Ben wanting to be hurt and punished to appease his guilt. Jude can’t understand how someone would want to be abused in that way.
An accident leaves Ben hospitalized with extensive injuries. Kage terminates their contract since Ben can’t physically take what he wants to dish out. Leaving Ben without the escape Kage has been providing him. Jude wants to be there for Ben. With such strong emotions flowing between them they end up sleeping together again and admitting how they feel for each other. It’s more amazing this time around. Ben is left hoping the truth doesn’t send Jude running from him. Jude has to come to terms with what Ben needs and if he can fill that role in his life.
This book was pretty damn good. I liked the emotion, passion and lust wrapped up in the BDSM theme. It was so well done. This is an excellent book to try if you don’t really get why people love D/s books. I was totally wrapped up in Ben’s pain and Jude’s love and desire for Ben. I even loved Kage despite the gut punch he gave to Ben. I totally get why people found him so hot. Yum! I hope he gets his own book. He just had those moments when you just knew he wanted more than just a sub to play with.
The sex in this book was so hot! During the scenes anticipating the next hit and Ben’s reaction was so sexy. Even with all the amazing sex in this book the most intense part was the connection between Ben and Jude. So beautiful. Really good book. I recommend!
October 5, 2013
4.5 Hearts
Review written for MM Good Book Reviews
So, I’m opening the pages of this book and start reading. I know it is bdsm themed and I expect it. The blurb indicates as much, as it also indicated that we will deal with characters that are “broken”, hence the Survivor Stories. But when I say I was surprised from this read not only is that a freaking huge understatement, but it doesn’t come nearly enough of what I felt while reading this book. I’m going to give it a shot though to pass my thoughts as eloquently as possible.
I’ll start with the kink factor here. I’ve read bdsm-y books, many of them. They are after all among my favorite genre. However, it is so rare to read a book that involves kink and that will utterly captivate you like this one did. You don’t need to have the same kinks these characters had in order to feel the sensuality, the intensity, the hotness of the scenes described here deeply in your core. You don’t even have to understand, or be in these characters shoes to feel their emotions slap in your face and enter your head and heart and soul. Even if you’re actually unnerved or repulsed by certain scenes I truly believe that the way this book is written is totally approachable and appealing. For me it was pure magic reading this, it was as if I was suddenly taken from this realm and dropped right in the middle of Inferno, or the guys’ room. How deliciously perverted I felt. Every single molecule of my dark side woke up and took notice. The impact was so strong, I literally had to take the day off today and clear my head. I think I managed some.
But this is not a fun read. This is not the easily read book you read for escapism purpose only. As a matter of fact this is quite thought provoking as the characters both of them had some serious issues. Jude, Ben’s roommate and best friend and aspiring lover, has pretty much an obsession with Ben. That was the only way I saw it. He’s already deeply in love with him and has been for the better part of the three years they know each other and live together. It’s so painful reading about a character who constantly beats himself up, pinning after a guy who seems to have no interest in him, that at some point I seriously thought I was going to dislike Jude, perhaps I even did for a little while.
As for Ben, oh my God, what a character. Have you ever met a person so heavily ridden by guilt they can’t see straight? It is so impossible, so frustrating dealing with such people, so when I saw that this was one of the strongest characteristic of Ben I had half a mind to abandon the book altogether (thankfully I didn’t, I’d be seriously regretting it). I came to a point where I felt so bad for Ben’s sake I couldn’t stand it. He feels guilty for his sister’s rape and death to the point of having PTSD symptoms. He feels guilty for leaving home after that, because he couldn’t bear looking at the shrine his parents put and the constant reminder. He feels guilty for not telling Jude about what bothers him. He feels guilty for being freaking born. No, it’s not extravagant at all, it’s what his parents done to him over the years. No, they are not monsters intentionally, but one particular scene with Ben and his father literally made think they were the very definition of cruelty, and you know what’s worse than cruelty? Cruelty from love… It was Hell. And yeah of course I loved it. It felt so real it was as if I was living it myself.
Now, I went off a bit there. So imagine these two characters together. Ben is in this incredible place where he NEEDS to be hurt in order to forget about his heartache for a while. He found this in a D/s relationship, his Dom providing him with all the hurt he can take, and boy did he take a lot. But, it’s not only mental; he also gets off on it. He’s what we call a pain-slut. Start spanking, paddling, flogging and/or whipping him and he’s yours. Jude on the other hand screams VANILLA. As in kink=freak vanilla. As in spanking your lover equals abuse even when said partners erection goes above normal charters when he’s spanked and said partner is practically begging you to do that to him. So imagine, this book spends the better half of it with Jude pinning ridiculously for Ben, and most of the other half with him wanting to do anything not to lose Ben, even if the things Ben wants be done to him are making Jude cringe and loath himself.
It was ANGST reading this pair’s… oh dear, they aren’t even together for most part of the book so I don’t know if relationship is the proper word here. The odd thing is that whenever they get intimate and emotional with each other, it rocks. It rocks so much you forget to breathe. Such a weird pair, so erotic and sensual, and so awkward too. I was not sure I was going to like them, but by the end of the story I adored them. They were simply fabulous.
As for the plot in its entirety, I think it was simply brilliant. I had this weird reaction when at the beginning Ben and Kage (his Dom) went to Inferno, I relaxed (God knows why) and for a moment there I thought how nice a feeling to read about Ben now. I thought Ben was on his path to healing for some stupid reason. I just believed in Ben and Kage so much I was still trying to see how Jude would fit in there. So when the plot took this massive turn (that’s when the weird reaction came) I felt so cold, I think I was frozen in the same paragraph over and over for a good five minutes. And down the road things changed again… and then just as I’d be comfortable with a setting they would change again. But not in ludicrous way, that was its brilliance, the plot doesn’t keep you reeling, it simply has you on your toes, it demands your attention without making you lose focus or concentration with unworthy details or incredible events.
So before I end this I have one more thing to add. Dear Author, I did not appreciate the attempt you made there at the end to try and make us feel sorry for Kage. I certainly did not fall in that trap. I’m perfectly happy despising him and basking with the revenge.
So these were my thoughts. I could not have written more about this book without actually giving away spoilers. As it is, I sincerely hope I gave an idea of what to expect, and how marvelous a read this really is. I do believe this is a must read even if you’re not attracted to the genre. As for you kinksters out there, enjoy! ;)
Thommie
Review written for MM Good Book Reviews
So, I’m opening the pages of this book and start reading. I know it is bdsm themed and I expect it. The blurb indicates as much, as it also indicated that we will deal with characters that are “broken”, hence the Survivor Stories. But when I say I was surprised from this read not only is that a freaking huge understatement, but it doesn’t come nearly enough of what I felt while reading this book. I’m going to give it a shot though to pass my thoughts as eloquently as possible.
I’ll start with the kink factor here. I’ve read bdsm-y books, many of them. They are after all among my favorite genre. However, it is so rare to read a book that involves kink and that will utterly captivate you like this one did. You don’t need to have the same kinks these characters had in order to feel the sensuality, the intensity, the hotness of the scenes described here deeply in your core. You don’t even have to understand, or be in these characters shoes to feel their emotions slap in your face and enter your head and heart and soul. Even if you’re actually unnerved or repulsed by certain scenes I truly believe that the way this book is written is totally approachable and appealing. For me it was pure magic reading this, it was as if I was suddenly taken from this realm and dropped right in the middle of Inferno, or the guys’ room. How deliciously perverted I felt. Every single molecule of my dark side woke up and took notice. The impact was so strong, I literally had to take the day off today and clear my head. I think I managed some.
But this is not a fun read. This is not the easily read book you read for escapism purpose only. As a matter of fact this is quite thought provoking as the characters both of them had some serious issues. Jude, Ben’s roommate and best friend and aspiring lover, has pretty much an obsession with Ben. That was the only way I saw it. He’s already deeply in love with him and has been for the better part of the three years they know each other and live together. It’s so painful reading about a character who constantly beats himself up, pinning after a guy who seems to have no interest in him, that at some point I seriously thought I was going to dislike Jude, perhaps I even did for a little while.
As for Ben, oh my God, what a character. Have you ever met a person so heavily ridden by guilt they can’t see straight? It is so impossible, so frustrating dealing with such people, so when I saw that this was one of the strongest characteristic of Ben I had half a mind to abandon the book altogether (thankfully I didn’t, I’d be seriously regretting it). I came to a point where I felt so bad for Ben’s sake I couldn’t stand it. He feels guilty for his sister’s rape and death to the point of having PTSD symptoms. He feels guilty for leaving home after that, because he couldn’t bear looking at the shrine his parents put and the constant reminder. He feels guilty for not telling Jude about what bothers him. He feels guilty for being freaking born. No, it’s not extravagant at all, it’s what his parents done to him over the years. No, they are not monsters intentionally, but one particular scene with Ben and his father literally made think they were the very definition of cruelty, and you know what’s worse than cruelty? Cruelty from love… It was Hell. And yeah of course I loved it. It felt so real it was as if I was living it myself.
Now, I went off a bit there. So imagine these two characters together. Ben is in this incredible place where he NEEDS to be hurt in order to forget about his heartache for a while. He found this in a D/s relationship, his Dom providing him with all the hurt he can take, and boy did he take a lot. But, it’s not only mental; he also gets off on it. He’s what we call a pain-slut. Start spanking, paddling, flogging and/or whipping him and he’s yours. Jude on the other hand screams VANILLA. As in kink=freak vanilla. As in spanking your lover equals abuse even when said partners erection goes above normal charters when he’s spanked and said partner is practically begging you to do that to him. So imagine, this book spends the better half of it with Jude pinning ridiculously for Ben, and most of the other half with him wanting to do anything not to lose Ben, even if the things Ben wants be done to him are making Jude cringe and loath himself.
It was ANGST reading this pair’s… oh dear, they aren’t even together for most part of the book so I don’t know if relationship is the proper word here. The odd thing is that whenever they get intimate and emotional with each other, it rocks. It rocks so much you forget to breathe. Such a weird pair, so erotic and sensual, and so awkward too. I was not sure I was going to like them, but by the end of the story I adored them. They were simply fabulous.
As for the plot in its entirety, I think it was simply brilliant. I had this weird reaction when at the beginning Ben and Kage (his Dom) went to Inferno, I relaxed (God knows why) and for a moment there I thought how nice a feeling to read about Ben now. I thought Ben was on his path to healing for some stupid reason. I just believed in Ben and Kage so much I was still trying to see how Jude would fit in there. So when the plot took this massive turn (that’s when the weird reaction came) I felt so cold, I think I was frozen in the same paragraph over and over for a good five minutes. And down the road things changed again… and then just as I’d be comfortable with a setting they would change again. But not in ludicrous way, that was its brilliance, the plot doesn’t keep you reeling, it simply has you on your toes, it demands your attention without making you lose focus or concentration with unworthy details or incredible events.
So before I end this I have one more thing to add. Dear Author, I did not appreciate the attempt you made there at the end to try and make us feel sorry for Kage. I certainly did not fall in that trap. I’m perfectly happy despising him and basking with the revenge.
So these were my thoughts. I could not have written more about this book without actually giving away spoilers. As it is, I sincerely hope I gave an idea of what to expect, and how marvelous a read this really is. I do believe this is a must read even if you’re not attracted to the genre. As for you kinksters out there, enjoy! ;)
Thommie
August 27, 2017
I went into this book knowing that I probably wouldn't like it. In fact, I tried to read it once before, when I started the Survivor Stories series last year, and I just could not power through it (I think I stopped at about 16%). But...angst! Drama! More about Aaron and Spencer? (The last one didn't happen, actually; this can totally be read as a stand alone book. Neither Aaron nor Spencer make an appearance here.) But it did deliver on the first two things...I guess.
BDSM isn't my thing. It is so not my thing. It's great that it is some people's thing, and as long as all involved parties are consenting adults, I literally do not care what they do. But it doesn't interest me at all, and considering that a big chunk of this book was focused on BDSM and fetishes, well, meh.
First off, Ben is using BDSM as a total crutch.
And it'd be different if Ben was the only one suffering here. But he's not. Oh no, he has to drag his friend and roommate, Jude, into the mess.
Ben doesn't come across as a very likable guy anyway, and not just because of that.
Also,
Meh. I wouldn't recommend this book. It's definitely not essential to the Survivor Stories series, and I feel like not only does it add nothing to the series, but it actually detracts from it.
BDSM isn't my thing. It is so not my thing. It's great that it is some people's thing, and as long as all involved parties are consenting adults, I literally do not care what they do. But it doesn't interest me at all, and considering that a big chunk of this book was focused on BDSM and fetishes, well, meh.
First off, Ben is using BDSM as a total crutch.
And it'd be different if Ben was the only one suffering here. But he's not. Oh no, he has to drag his friend and roommate, Jude, into the mess.
Ben doesn't come across as a very likable guy anyway, and not just because of that.
Also,
Meh. I wouldn't recommend this book. It's definitely not essential to the Survivor Stories series, and I feel like not only does it add nothing to the series, but it actually detracts from it.
November 16, 2013
Can a person who is not into BDSM be turned into a dominant? This is the question Ms Barnaby tackles.
Ben Martin is a painslut who uses BDSM as a band-aid for the emotional issues he refuses to face. The pain of the body helps him reset and keep his nightmares at bay. His service Dom, Kage, is good at pushing the boundaries and providing the pain Ben needs.
First, let's get the items that I didn't like about this book out of the way. I don't like stories where the submissive uses BDSM as self-therapy to hide from addressing their problems. Second, I do not like stories which drag a vanilla person into the lifestyle and the person miraculously becomes a perfect Dominant to an experienced submissive. Both of these are hot buttons for me. So why does this story still rate a four star? Is it the passionate man-love? No. Is it the amazing BDSM scenes? No, although that does play a part in the rating.
What made this story so good for me is that it moved me and hit home. Jude loves Ben. He's been Ben's roommate for a couple of years. He is vanilla and finds physically hurting a person completely abhorrent. This one scene is what undoes me. It's so painful to read that it manifests into physical pain for me.
"I will do this," Jude said quietly, one finger tracing up and down Ben's thumb as he spoke, "with one condition." Ben's expression went from hopeful to wary in an instant. He glanced at Gio for a moment and then back to Jude.
"What is the condition?" The question came not from Ben, but from Gio.
"I will give up my soul in this dungeon. I will find a way to make peace with this, but in return, you have to see the therapist Gio suggested," Jude said and watched the changing expressions on Ben's face. (page 156)
This says it all for me. The amount of love Jude holds in his heart for Ben is exhibited in two ways which Ms Barnaby demonstrates so eloquently. Just in case the reader misses her quick one-two punch to the gut, she explains it through Gio. Essentially, Jude offers to sacrifice his own sanity to ensure Ben will receive the care he needs.
I've thoroughly enjoyed every book written by Ms Barnaby. She generates the right amount of angst with a very sharp point. This induces an emotion in me which makes the book rate higher. Because not only will I remember it, I will remember how I felt. The pain she arouses is exquisite and just the way I prefer.
Let's examine the BDSM in this story. She's done a great job of capturing a perspective to BDSM lifestyle. This imbalance between an experienced submissive and a novice Dominant is all too real. Ben's selfish manipulations are easy to understand and a trap too easy to fall into. For kinky readers who are submissive and enjoy the pain brought through a combination of submission and impact play, Ben's strong desires are achingly familiar. The BDSM activities are, in some ways, addictive. Flying through subspace produced through physical pain and giving power to a Dominant is indescribable. Ms Barnaby's description through Ben's point of view barely scratches the surface. What I liked about Ben's journey is that Ms Barnaby shows how Ben makes mistakes and wants to change for the better. Rather than lecturing the reader, we watch Ben mature and arrive to some harsh realizations.
The training of a Dominant from pure vanilla is interesting. Jude's struggles between what he feels is right and what his lover wants is accurate and insightful. Ms Barnaby does an excellent job of showing how Jude did have some inclination which allows for a possible adventure into the kinky lifestyle. What I really appreciated is how Jude never becomes a replacement for Kage. Jude turns into a Dominant in his own right and in a way he is comfortable with. This is the most important key to this story. Jude and Ben's relationship is unique and different from Kage and Ben's relationship. There is no good or bad. I appreciate this fine distinction.
Finally, I will gush over the fire flogging. I am a huge fan of fireplay. I've experienced it many times and each time I love it more. I have my own fireplay set. I do not have any reservations like Ben. One could theorize it's because I've never been burned. That would be false. To be fair, I've never had more than a first degree burn. One of my fondest wishes is to be fire flogged. Not just with one flogger, but with two in a Florentine flogging. Reading about the fire flogging in this book only increases my desire to experience it.
This m/m romance is highly recommended to those who want an inside look to how a D/s relationship starts.
September 18, 2013
I was pumping my fist in the air, cheering for Jude. This book has it all, you guys. There are uber-hot motorcycle men, strong Doms and beautiful submissives, all surrounding a wonderful love story.
Don’t miss this one you might find yourself asking for a flogging if you do!
You can read the rest of Jackie's review at The Novel Approach
Don’t miss this one you might find yourself asking for a flogging if you do!
You can read the rest of Jackie's review at The Novel Approach
October 20, 2013
4.75
In stunning fashion, J.P.Barnaby gives us another facet to the traumatic rape and murder story that she first introduced in her novel, Aaron. While this novel could definitely be read as a standalone, I think the reader's overall experience would be enhanced by delving into Aaron either before or after this one. Also, I would warn those who have difficulty with heavy BDSM and kink that this story may not be for them. However, if you can muster the gumption to read beyond that, I will assure you that there is an incredibly poignant and lovely plot to this book that will break your heart wide open. Let's begin now with a brief synopsis before going on to the real strengths in this gem, Painting Fire On The Air by J.P.Barnaby.
Ben Martin and his sister Juliette were both adopted by well meaning parents who devoted their lives to their children. With a rather cruel start to life as a drug addicted infant, Ben was a difficult child, often angry and impulsive. However, he was devoted to his sister Juliette as his parents had raised him to be and when she was brutally raped and murdered Ben felt the weight of guilt wrap its ironclad fist around his heart and sear the very depths of his soul with a pain he could not seem to escape. The only way for Ben to escape it was to counteract it with intense physical pain--that was the way around the hurt inside him. And so, Ben seeks out men who will dominate him, humiliate him and, in doing so, make the nightmares go away for just a brief time. This is how he survives and were it not for his roommate Jude, Ben would have gone on indefinitely avoiding the reality that he was literally drowning in his grief.
Jude Archer loves Ben but after an awkward drunken night of sex, both men studiously avoid mentioning their feelings to the other. Ben, sure that he can never deserve someone as good as Jude, wraps himself up in the Dom/sub lifestyle with Kage who does give aftercare to Ben when needed but provides no emotional connection or real love. When Jude discovers what it is that Ben needs to achieve some sense of fleeting well-being, he becomes determined to be the one to provide it. But Jude, while having some dominant tendencies, is also frightened he will hurt Ben. Worse yet, Jude cannot escape the fact that the level of inflicted pain Ben craves is beyond Jude's ability to give without it destroying something inside Jude as well. Two men who love each other now stand at an impasse with little idea how to overcome it and have their relationship survive.
If you make the mistake of reading this novel and assuming that it is just another well written piece of BDSM fiction, I fear you will have missed the point completely. Painting Fire On The Air is not just about the lengths to which a man will go to get his kink on, it is a deep and emotionally saturated cry for help. Ben is so torn apart over his guilt at not being there to save Juliette that he is literally dying himself a bit more each day. The beauty of this novel is that it allows us to see that BDSM as a lifestyle that is caring, safe, and fulfilling. However, the genius of this novel is that it also recognizes that a BDSM lifestyle cannot be a substitute for genuine healing of the mind and heart once fractured. That, the novel points out, can only be achieved by surrounding yourself with those who support and love you and quite possibly therapy.
The author is so careful to delineate between the sexual fulfillment and joy that a Dom/sub relationship can provide and the realization that BDSM is not meant to be an escape from your problems. Ben has tried therapy before but to no avail. Now his guilt and pain are so overwhelming that he must seek more and more physical pain to help him forget what is tearing him apart inside. In one of the most impressive moments n this gut wrenching novel, Ben is made to understand that should Jude become the Dom he needs and allow for others to carry Ben to places that Jude cannot bring himself to participate in, then Ben must try therapy again. I nearly stood and applauded the author out loud after reading that exchange. Here was a thoughtful and intelligent statement being made for both the acceptance of a safe BDSM partnership and the realization that the act of BDSM itself was not going to heal Ben completely. Better yet, this idea was wrapped in a compelling and fierce novel that held me mesmerized from start to finish.
As usual, author J.P. Barnaby excelled at writing characters who led believable lives, who had depth and layers of emotion and were just plain smart. Some of the techniques used in the book such as reflected in the novel's title, made me squirm physically and just mutter, ouch, ouch, ouch. Yet I never felt a BDSM scene was "thrown in" for entertainment sake. Rather each time Ben went to his knees it was another moment that a bit more of his story was told and the depth of his grief revealed.
So, what piece of this novel did not work just so? The author was so careful to lay out this story. Again and again we saw that Ben teetered on the edge of an abyss and that BDSM alone was not the way he would be able to escape his turmoil. I felt when the deal between Jude and Ben was finally struck and it was acknowledged that Ben would need to pursue therapy, the intensity of the novel dropped just a bit. We never saw or heard that Ben had followed through with his end of the bargain and yet we definitely were made aware that Jude did so. I felt that in the wrap up of this journey that Ben's finding a therapist needed to at least be alluded to in some small way, otherwise, it felt to me that a plot point got dropped and it was so vital to the story in so many ways. I grant you it may just be my desire to see this followed through on but for me it just made the story a tad bit incomplete.
Having said that, Painting Fire On The Air by J.P. Barnaby is still an outstanding addition to the BDSM genre. I look forward to more in this new series by this excellent author.
In stunning fashion, J.P.Barnaby gives us another facet to the traumatic rape and murder story that she first introduced in her novel, Aaron. While this novel could definitely be read as a standalone, I think the reader's overall experience would be enhanced by delving into Aaron either before or after this one. Also, I would warn those who have difficulty with heavy BDSM and kink that this story may not be for them. However, if you can muster the gumption to read beyond that, I will assure you that there is an incredibly poignant and lovely plot to this book that will break your heart wide open. Let's begin now with a brief synopsis before going on to the real strengths in this gem, Painting Fire On The Air by J.P.Barnaby.
Ben Martin and his sister Juliette were both adopted by well meaning parents who devoted their lives to their children. With a rather cruel start to life as a drug addicted infant, Ben was a difficult child, often angry and impulsive. However, he was devoted to his sister Juliette as his parents had raised him to be and when she was brutally raped and murdered Ben felt the weight of guilt wrap its ironclad fist around his heart and sear the very depths of his soul with a pain he could not seem to escape. The only way for Ben to escape it was to counteract it with intense physical pain--that was the way around the hurt inside him. And so, Ben seeks out men who will dominate him, humiliate him and, in doing so, make the nightmares go away for just a brief time. This is how he survives and were it not for his roommate Jude, Ben would have gone on indefinitely avoiding the reality that he was literally drowning in his grief.
Jude Archer loves Ben but after an awkward drunken night of sex, both men studiously avoid mentioning their feelings to the other. Ben, sure that he can never deserve someone as good as Jude, wraps himself up in the Dom/sub lifestyle with Kage who does give aftercare to Ben when needed but provides no emotional connection or real love. When Jude discovers what it is that Ben needs to achieve some sense of fleeting well-being, he becomes determined to be the one to provide it. But Jude, while having some dominant tendencies, is also frightened he will hurt Ben. Worse yet, Jude cannot escape the fact that the level of inflicted pain Ben craves is beyond Jude's ability to give without it destroying something inside Jude as well. Two men who love each other now stand at an impasse with little idea how to overcome it and have their relationship survive.
If you make the mistake of reading this novel and assuming that it is just another well written piece of BDSM fiction, I fear you will have missed the point completely. Painting Fire On The Air is not just about the lengths to which a man will go to get his kink on, it is a deep and emotionally saturated cry for help. Ben is so torn apart over his guilt at not being there to save Juliette that he is literally dying himself a bit more each day. The beauty of this novel is that it allows us to see that BDSM as a lifestyle that is caring, safe, and fulfilling. However, the genius of this novel is that it also recognizes that a BDSM lifestyle cannot be a substitute for genuine healing of the mind and heart once fractured. That, the novel points out, can only be achieved by surrounding yourself with those who support and love you and quite possibly therapy.
The author is so careful to delineate between the sexual fulfillment and joy that a Dom/sub relationship can provide and the realization that BDSM is not meant to be an escape from your problems. Ben has tried therapy before but to no avail. Now his guilt and pain are so overwhelming that he must seek more and more physical pain to help him forget what is tearing him apart inside. In one of the most impressive moments n this gut wrenching novel, Ben is made to understand that should Jude become the Dom he needs and allow for others to carry Ben to places that Jude cannot bring himself to participate in, then Ben must try therapy again. I nearly stood and applauded the author out loud after reading that exchange. Here was a thoughtful and intelligent statement being made for both the acceptance of a safe BDSM partnership and the realization that the act of BDSM itself was not going to heal Ben completely. Better yet, this idea was wrapped in a compelling and fierce novel that held me mesmerized from start to finish.
As usual, author J.P. Barnaby excelled at writing characters who led believable lives, who had depth and layers of emotion and were just plain smart. Some of the techniques used in the book such as reflected in the novel's title, made me squirm physically and just mutter, ouch, ouch, ouch. Yet I never felt a BDSM scene was "thrown in" for entertainment sake. Rather each time Ben went to his knees it was another moment that a bit more of his story was told and the depth of his grief revealed.
So, what piece of this novel did not work just so? The author was so careful to lay out this story. Again and again we saw that Ben teetered on the edge of an abyss and that BDSM alone was not the way he would be able to escape his turmoil. I felt when the deal between Jude and Ben was finally struck and it was acknowledged that Ben would need to pursue therapy, the intensity of the novel dropped just a bit. We never saw or heard that Ben had followed through with his end of the bargain and yet we definitely were made aware that Jude did so. I felt that in the wrap up of this journey that Ben's finding a therapist needed to at least be alluded to in some small way, otherwise, it felt to me that a plot point got dropped and it was so vital to the story in so many ways. I grant you it may just be my desire to see this followed through on but for me it just made the story a tad bit incomplete.
Having said that, Painting Fire On The Air by J.P. Barnaby is still an outstanding addition to the BDSM genre. I look forward to more in this new series by this excellent author.
November 4, 2017
Painting Fire on the Air (Survivor Stories #2) by J.P. Barnaby
3 stars
M/M BDSM Romance
Triggers: Murder, BDSM
I was given this book for an honest review by Wicked Reads.
Ben is struggling after the murder of his sister. He sees his Dom, Kage, in order to make the nightmares about his sister disappear. Ben is barely surviving and he is too afraid to tell his best friend, Jude about his struggles.
Jude is just hopeful that Ben will look at him in a way that gives their relationship room to grow. They had one night where they went further, but then Ben shut the door on that type of relationship again.
Ben and Jude struggle through their friendship to find more. Ben is constantly trying to fight the nightmares and Jude just wants his friend to not be sad any more. It's a battle between them. Ben is very manipulative of Jude and I didn't really like the dynamic between the two of them. I found that Ben's constant need was almost in a whiny manner and that he wasn't truly invested in a relationship with Jude so much as he was invested in finding someone who can take away the bad dreams.
Overall, this was a slight disappointment because it felt forced.
3 stars
M/M BDSM Romance
Triggers: Murder, BDSM
I was given this book for an honest review by Wicked Reads.
Ben is struggling after the murder of his sister. He sees his Dom, Kage, in order to make the nightmares about his sister disappear. Ben is barely surviving and he is too afraid to tell his best friend, Jude about his struggles.
Jude is just hopeful that Ben will look at him in a way that gives their relationship room to grow. They had one night where they went further, but then Ben shut the door on that type of relationship again.
Ben and Jude struggle through their friendship to find more. Ben is constantly trying to fight the nightmares and Jude just wants his friend to not be sad any more. It's a battle between them. Ben is very manipulative of Jude and I didn't really like the dynamic between the two of them. I found that Ben's constant need was almost in a whiny manner and that he wasn't truly invested in a relationship with Jude so much as he was invested in finding someone who can take away the bad dreams.
Overall, this was a slight disappointment because it felt forced.
August 15, 2014
Ben is a pretty messed up guy with self destructive tendencies. He doesn't feel worthy of love or affection at all. Several years ago, his sister was tortured, raped and murdered and Ben feels responsible because he wasn't there to save her. I don't think there was really a reason he should have been there, however, but he wants/needs to punish himself anyway. Somewhere along the line, he discovered that the pain of SM helped him focus and even forget for a little while and it had the bonus side effect of turning him on. A masochistic submissive is born.
Ben wants his best friend and roommate Jude, but Jude isn't screwed up like Ben is. Ben doesn't feel he deserves Jude at all, because unlike Ben, Jude has his life together. Jude, however, is in love with Ben, screwed-up-ness and all. He doesn't understand Ben's need for pain, however, and finds it rather disturbing. And he doesn't understand the BDSM dynamic and, like much of society, thinks that if you need that stuff you should get help; that it's unhealthy.
Jude really wants to give Ben what he needs, but he doesn't know if he'll be able to manage it. Pain isn't Jude's kink, if he even has a kink, and it takes him a long time to come to terms with the fact that in safe, sane and consensual situations, pain can be a good and healthy thing. Jude is a very healthy influence on Ben. The biggest difference between Kage and Jude, is that Jude really cares for Ben. Loves him. He puts Ben first and really wants to help him work through his inner pain. And if being Ben's Dom is what Ben needs, then Jude wants to give it a shot. He doesn't know if he can do it, but he really wants to try.
Though Jude certainly didn't expect this side effect, learning how to be a Dom helps him other aspects of his life where he might not have avoided confrontation rather than standing up for himself. He pretty much comes into his own, too. And Ben is a lot healthier and happier with a Dom that really loves him. They find their own dynamic and I liked seeing it form. Watching Jude learn about BDSM and watching how that learning process changes his perspective seemed real. He didn't go from 'BDSM is unhealthy' to 'yay BDSM' anywhere near instantly. Even once he saw that it wasn't abuse, it still took him a fair amount of time to get to the point he was willing to try it himself.
A good read.
Ben wants his best friend and roommate Jude, but Jude isn't screwed up like Ben is. Ben doesn't feel he deserves Jude at all, because unlike Ben, Jude has his life together. Jude, however, is in love with Ben, screwed-up-ness and all. He doesn't understand Ben's need for pain, however, and finds it rather disturbing. And he doesn't understand the BDSM dynamic and, like much of society, thinks that if you need that stuff you should get help; that it's unhealthy.
Jude really wants to give Ben what he needs, but he doesn't know if he'll be able to manage it. Pain isn't Jude's kink, if he even has a kink, and it takes him a long time to come to terms with the fact that in safe, sane and consensual situations, pain can be a good and healthy thing. Jude is a very healthy influence on Ben. The biggest difference between Kage and Jude, is that Jude really cares for Ben. Loves him. He puts Ben first and really wants to help him work through his inner pain. And if being Ben's Dom is what Ben needs, then Jude wants to give it a shot. He doesn't know if he can do it, but he really wants to try.
Though Jude certainly didn't expect this side effect, learning how to be a Dom helps him other aspects of his life where he might not have avoided confrontation rather than standing up for himself. He pretty much comes into his own, too. And Ben is a lot healthier and happier with a Dom that really loves him. They find their own dynamic and I liked seeing it form. Watching Jude learn about BDSM and watching how that learning process changes his perspective seemed real. He didn't go from 'BDSM is unhealthy' to 'yay BDSM' anywhere near instantly. Even once he saw that it wasn't abuse, it still took him a fair amount of time to get to the point he was willing to try it himself.
A good read.
July 30, 2017
Ce livre, je l’ai attendu longtemps. Très longtemps. Dès la sortie d’Aaron, il me semble. Et je n’ai pas été déçu, comme toujours avec cette auteure.
JP Barnaby est une reine des émotions. Elle décrit les situations avec une telle facilité que c’en est déconcertant. Sa plume, ses histoires, tout est là. Et moi qui suis un obsédé de la cohérence, encore une fois, l’auteure ne m’a pas déçu.
Ben, c’est l’histoire d’un gamin adopté qui perd sa sœur dans des circonstances dramatiques. Suite au mantra qu’il a entendu toute sa vie, il culpabilise. Cette même culpabilité qui l’empêche de dormir, d’avoir une vie normale. Son quotidien est rythmé par son boulot, son colocataire, Jude, ainsi que le chien de la maisonnée, Max. Dans ses instants de liberté, il rejoint Kage dans son garage aménagé. Là où ce Dom est capable de l’emmener pour qu’il puisse dormir, sans cauchemars, par la douleur et les châtiments.
J’ai détesté Kage. Littéralement, et dès le départ. Pourquoi ? Je l’ai trouvé malsain et profiteur, sans réelle considération pour son soumis, alors que ce dernier est censé être son point de repère. La lâcheté le caractérise, et la conscience ne parait pas être dans ses habitudes. Ce qui a lieu après la séance la plus sensible, je n’y ai pas adhéré. Quel Dom laisserait son soumis repartir seul, après tant d’émotions et de mises à l’épreuve ? Le final en ce qui concerne cet homme a grandement contribué à porter ce livre dans la pile des coups de cœur.
Jude, je l’ai adoré. Et ce qu’il fait, ce qu’il accepte pour Ben, peu d’hommes (ou de femmes) en sont capables. C’est une preuve d’amour qui dépasse les règles pré-établies des relations. Et leur relation est si atypique, si peu commune, que nous ne pouvons que craquer !
En résumé, un livre haut en couleurs et en émotions, qui vous laissera un sentiment de béatitude quand vous le refermerez. Attention, ce livre, par le traitement BDSM, n’est pas non plus à mettre entre toutes les mains.
Bonne lecture !
JP Barnaby est une reine des émotions. Elle décrit les situations avec une telle facilité que c’en est déconcertant. Sa plume, ses histoires, tout est là. Et moi qui suis un obsédé de la cohérence, encore une fois, l’auteure ne m’a pas déçu.
Ben, c’est l’histoire d’un gamin adopté qui perd sa sœur dans des circonstances dramatiques. Suite au mantra qu’il a entendu toute sa vie, il culpabilise. Cette même culpabilité qui l’empêche de dormir, d’avoir une vie normale. Son quotidien est rythmé par son boulot, son colocataire, Jude, ainsi que le chien de la maisonnée, Max. Dans ses instants de liberté, il rejoint Kage dans son garage aménagé. Là où ce Dom est capable de l’emmener pour qu’il puisse dormir, sans cauchemars, par la douleur et les châtiments.
J’ai détesté Kage. Littéralement, et dès le départ. Pourquoi ? Je l’ai trouvé malsain et profiteur, sans réelle considération pour son soumis, alors que ce dernier est censé être son point de repère. La lâcheté le caractérise, et la conscience ne parait pas être dans ses habitudes. Ce qui a lieu après la séance la plus sensible, je n’y ai pas adhéré. Quel Dom laisserait son soumis repartir seul, après tant d’émotions et de mises à l’épreuve ? Le final en ce qui concerne cet homme a grandement contribué à porter ce livre dans la pile des coups de cœur.
Jude, je l’ai adoré. Et ce qu’il fait, ce qu’il accepte pour Ben, peu d’hommes (ou de femmes) en sont capables. C’est une preuve d’amour qui dépasse les règles pré-établies des relations. Et leur relation est si atypique, si peu commune, que nous ne pouvons que craquer !
En résumé, un livre haut en couleurs et en émotions, qui vous laissera un sentiment de béatitude quand vous le refermerez. Attention, ce livre, par le traitement BDSM, n’est pas non plus à mettre entre toutes les mains.
Bonne lecture !
March 22, 2014
If you want to know what's going on in this book - there are several reviews explaining this. This review is about how I experienced it. To be honest - originally it was a 4 stars read for me. We got a deep insight in Ben's huge pile of guilt and pain, he is an open book for the reader. We got a comprehensible explanation why he needs the domination and the pain. I loved how clearly we got to know Jude's all conflicted emotions concerning this topic and all his tender and loving feelings towards Ben. It was good, for a long time it was really good. Not even the total absence of condoms and never even talking about safe sex or getting tested was really disturbing, real life sometimes is a reckless as book life.
I admit - I got to like Jude a lot. He was focused on trying to give Ben what he needed. He was even honest enough to realize that some parts turned him on. I might never understand what drove him to suddenly take charge in the bathroom (belt), I wish that would have been explained more clearly. But over all, during all his own coming to terms with the very different needs and expectation - there was a never a degrading action in his behaviour. On the opposite, stuff like this seemed to be some of the parts that made him feel repulsed by BDSM. His love for Ben was obvious.
And this is the reason why the book is no longer 4 stars for me. In the end, when he fucked Ben he started "dirty talking" in a way that felt so totally our of character for Jude, it repulsed me. I'll never found talk like "That's it you little whore. Look how wide you're spread for me. You want me to stretch your little hole, don't you?" very appealing but in this case I've found it so out of character, it shocked me. I've never experienced such a total letdown by a few sentences before and it's probably for the best that after this there was only the epilouge left. This, by the way, was on one hand better again, Jude is the strong, loving Dom....but here, too, while I understood that he allowed Ben to perform a fire flogging with Gio, I didn't understand the remark that he obivously let play Ben with other Doms. No...sorry, the last 6% went downhill for me. But the first 94% were really good - so it's still going to be a 3 star read.
I admit - I got to like Jude a lot. He was focused on trying to give Ben what he needed. He was even honest enough to realize that some parts turned him on. I might never understand what drove him to suddenly take charge in the bathroom (belt), I wish that would have been explained more clearly. But over all, during all his own coming to terms with the very different needs and expectation - there was a never a degrading action in his behaviour. On the opposite, stuff like this seemed to be some of the parts that made him feel repulsed by BDSM. His love for Ben was obvious.
And this is the reason why the book is no longer 4 stars for me. In the end, when he fucked Ben he started "dirty talking" in a way that felt so totally our of character for Jude, it repulsed me. I'll never found talk like "That's it you little whore. Look how wide you're spread for me. You want me to stretch your little hole, don't you?" very appealing but in this case I've found it so out of character, it shocked me. I've never experienced such a total letdown by a few sentences before and it's probably for the best that after this there was only the epilouge left. This, by the way, was on one hand better again, Jude is the strong, loving Dom....but here, too, while I understood that he allowed Ben to perform a fire flogging with Gio, I didn't understand the remark that he obivously let play Ben with other Doms. No...sorry, the last 6% went downhill for me. But the first 94% were really good - so it's still going to be a 3 star read.
March 1, 2014
This second Survivor story was just as intense as “Aaron”, but not in the “made me cry like a baby” kind of way. Whereas the first book was about the MC’s suffering due to horrific events that happened to him as well as a friend, this book has the MC suffering primarily over guilt for something that solely happened to someone close to him – something he thought he was responsible for and could have prevented.
It was agonizing to be inside of Ben’s head and to experience both his mental and physical pain. It was equally agonizing to watch Ben and Jude tiptoe around their hidden feelings for each other, and then to witness Jude’s anguish in the tug-of-war between needing to express his feelings and care for the man he had fallen in love with and trying to be the man/Dom that Ben needed him to be. Gentle Jude waged an epic battle within trying to reconcile the thought of physically hurting the man he professed to love with the act being something that Ben actually craved, needed, and found to be a turn-on.
I couldn’t put this book down. The story involved a difficult subject and very tortured characters, and although it involved a lot of pain (both mental and physical), it was ultimately also about hope, healing and the magic of love. This has strong BDSM content and may not be for everyone, but it comes highly recommended from me!
It was agonizing to be inside of Ben’s head and to experience both his mental and physical pain. It was equally agonizing to watch Ben and Jude tiptoe around their hidden feelings for each other, and then to witness Jude’s anguish in the tug-of-war between needing to express his feelings and care for the man he had fallen in love with and trying to be the man/Dom that Ben needed him to be. Gentle Jude waged an epic battle within trying to reconcile the thought of physically hurting the man he professed to love with the act being something that Ben actually craved, needed, and found to be a turn-on.
I couldn’t put this book down. The story involved a difficult subject and very tortured characters, and although it involved a lot of pain (both mental and physical), it was ultimately also about hope, healing and the magic of love. This has strong BDSM content and may not be for everyone, but it comes highly recommended from me!
October 7, 2013
A Survivors Story...heartbreaking, powerful, emotional & courageous with lots of soul searching, friendship & love!
I absolutely LOVED this story. I didn't doubt that I would but it was much more powerful that I had anticipated. If I could give this more than 5 stars, I totally would!
These characters grow as individuals and then into a couple. Ben has a lot of 'issues' if you will and he feels that he's not meant to be happy or have good things happen to him...including his good friend Jude. Jude has wanted Ben for almost as long as he's known him and will take whatever Ben is willing to give him. I enjoyed all the secondary characters as well. I wouldn't mind getting to know more about them.
We get to start this journey with them and experience the twists, turns, bumps and bruises that they go through...while the book may be over their story is just beginning!
*I'd recommend to any m/m lover who likes hurt/comfort/bdsm and stories of survivors!
I absolutely LOVED this story. I didn't doubt that I would but it was much more powerful that I had anticipated. If I could give this more than 5 stars, I totally would!
These characters grow as individuals and then into a couple. Ben has a lot of 'issues' if you will and he feels that he's not meant to be happy or have good things happen to him...including his good friend Jude. Jude has wanted Ben for almost as long as he's known him and will take whatever Ben is willing to give him. I enjoyed all the secondary characters as well. I wouldn't mind getting to know more about them.
We get to start this journey with them and experience the twists, turns, bumps and bruises that they go through...while the book may be over their story is just beginning!
*I'd recommend to any m/m lover who likes hurt/comfort/bdsm and stories of survivors!
April 24, 2016
✰✰✰✰
I haven't read
(which I plan to rectify soon) so I didn't know the backstory of Ben's sister, Juliette. I don't think it lessened my enjoyment of the book, I liked this author's Forbidden Room series.
I liked that Ben and Jude mostly had a friendship before taking their relationship further. I have wondered what would happen if the person you loved and you found out that they had hidden sexual interests you didn't know anything about. How would you deal with it?
I think it was a pretty realistic portrayal of a deepening relationship and each character trying their best to fulfill the other's needs.
The fire flogging scene was written so realistically, I could picture it in my head, not my cuppa for sure, but didn't stop me from enjoying the beauty of it.
I haven't read
(which I plan to rectify soon) so I didn't know the backstory of Ben's sister, Juliette. I don't think it lessened my enjoyment of the book, I liked this author's Forbidden Room series.I liked that Ben and Jude mostly had a friendship before taking their relationship further. I have wondered what would happen if the person you loved and you found out that they had hidden sexual interests you didn't know anything about. How would you deal with it?
I think it was a pretty realistic portrayal of a deepening relationship and each character trying their best to fulfill the other's needs.
The fire flogging scene was written so realistically, I could picture it in my head, not my cuppa for sure, but didn't stop me from enjoying the beauty of it.
February 21, 2015
This book was chosen for me as part of a pick it for me challenge.
Im not sure if I can say I loved this book due to the issues with one of the MCs, but I did.
Ben is haunted by his sisters murder for which he blames himself. The only was he can block it out is by pain at the hands of his dom.
Following a motorbike accident, Bens dom breaks their contract.
Jude is Bens roommate. Slowly Ben opens up to Jude about what he needs. The 2 start to move towards a relatiobship but can Jude be what Ben wants.
I live this author, having written one of my all time favorite books, In The Absence of Monsters.
Im not sure if I can say I loved this book due to the issues with one of the MCs, but I did.
Ben is haunted by his sisters murder for which he blames himself. The only was he can block it out is by pain at the hands of his dom.
Following a motorbike accident, Bens dom breaks their contract.
Jude is Bens roommate. Slowly Ben opens up to Jude about what he needs. The 2 start to move towards a relatiobship but can Jude be what Ben wants.
I live this author, having written one of my all time favorite books, In The Absence of Monsters.
February 5, 2015
This book was quite intense, as I had expected it would be. Unfortunately there are aspects to this story that I was not comfortable with. Jude was a delightful character and I really felt for him, loving his room mate from afar for so long and then learning to be what his partner needed. I had some real problems with this as it felt a little like emotional blackmail. Jude was never fully comfortable with his role and it made me uncomfortable and distanced somewhat from the story. I applaud that the condition was therapy, but I wish it had been followed through as to me that was an important part of this story. It is left to assumption as to what was helping Ben, his relationship, his therapy or his sessions. I was left with questions and unsatisfied so that's why I gave this 3 stars.
September 29, 2013
JP Barnaby likes to make people cry. I swear it's true! The author digs at her characters wounds until they are exposed to the reader and the world. The experiences (including the accurately and responsibly portrayed BDSM scenes) occasionally make you squirm and pull you along cheering hard for the characters to find their happiness.
December 21, 2013
An enjoyable story about a man who uses pain as a crutch against emotional trauma and the man who struggles to love and free him.
Well written with the perfect balance of angst and humor. Jude and Ben are great together and I loved how they were able to be honest about what they needed in their relationship then work towards getting it. Some SUPER HAWT scenes made this extra steamy reading.
Well written with the perfect balance of angst and humor. Jude and Ben are great together and I loved how they were able to be honest about what they needed in their relationship then work towards getting it. Some SUPER HAWT scenes made this extra steamy reading.
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