The Truth About Men and Sex: Intimate Secrets from the Doctor's Office

by Abraham Morgentaler

Harvard Professor Abraham Morgentaler, MD, offers a rare view into the secret world of his patients, providing a startling new perspective on men, sex, and relationships
What really drives men to do what they do? The Truth About Men and Sex uses the real-life stories of Dr. Morgentaler's patients to let us in on the secrets of men and to examine the current state of male sexuality in science and medicine as well as in relationships and popular culture. In this frank and open discussion of the subject, Dr. Morgentaler will make men and women alike question what we think we know about gender, motivation, sexuality, relationships, and, ultimately, the definition of a "man."
From the biology and science behind the "Bionic Penis," to the psychology behind men faking orgasms, The Truth About Men and Sex will change the conversation about male sexual health, and will introduce the world to sex and relationships from a new point of view. Dr. Morgentaler's exploration of male sexuality, from the Masters and Johnson era through the introduction of Viagra, Feminism and the internet, provides the basis for his provocative and revolutionary ideas regarding men and sex- a topic that, until now, has been either sensationalized or stereotyped by the media―to give us the definitive guide to men, as we've never seen them before. From these stories you will gain a surprising perspective on the minds and motivations of committed, caring, loving and sometimes clumsy individuals doing their best to be great partners in their relationships.

Genres: Nonfiction, Science, Psychology, Sexuality, Health, Relationships, Sociology

320 pages, Paperback

First published February 5, 2013

Reviews

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Morgentaler is a urologist & surgeon. Sex is different in humans than any other animal species in that it's not simply for procreation. He says less than 1% of sexual encounters in First World countries result in a baby, a percentage that would place any other organism on the endangered species list. We've made sex into a lot more; a basic recreation, a determining factor in our standing in our society, & in our own minds - especially male minds. Like so many basic beliefs, we have a lot of trouble questioning it even when we realize it isn't fully rational & bother to do so.

He starts out by stating that the stereotypical man isn't one & gives several examples from his own practice of 'manly' men in tears because they're worried they're not satisfying their women. This busts the stereotype of the guy who gets off & rolls over to snore without concern, but it's important to keep in mind that his study of sex & sexual function seems to be almost entirely with those that wind up seeing him - those with issues. Still, his insights are interesting & a friend of mine suggested this book because Morgentaler gets into what a 'man' is, a topical question which the idiotic bathroom laws have brought to a head.

He dislikes the way we think of men & women as polar opposites, practically separate species, since he believes we're far more alike than different in trying to please our partner & self-esteem issues, although the latter center on different parts. With men, it's our erections, their size, firmness, & general appearance.

He says that our gender depends on 3 things: our physical gender, sexual orientation, & gender identity. It's important to break these down because, being humans & especially with our technology, we can mix them up.
Physically we usually start off with an either XX or XY chromosome differentiation, but until we're 8 weeks along, we have the buds of both sexual organs. In males, an influx of testosterone at this point will minimize the female genitalia & begin the dominance of male genitalia. Girls have a similar, opposite change. In both cases, it's complicated & about 1% of both sexes will have some issues that may or may not be apparent physically. (That seems high. Did I hear that right?) These often don't change typical gender identity, but can cause some issues. There is also a second shot of testosterone that will change our brains a bit. After birth, both sexes have the same levels of hormones until puberty, but sexes act differently in childhood due to those early hormones.
Sexual Orientation is which sex attracts us sexually.
Gender Identity which sex we feel as if we are, identify with.
(Not in book)
Transgender: denoting or relating to a person whose self-identity does not conform unambiguously to conventional notions of male or female gender.
Transsexual: a person who emotionally and psychologically feels that they belong to the opposite sex. May undergo physical transformation, but not required.
(Back to book)

The mix complicates the whole straight-gay dichotomy since they're so personal & often result in nontraditional pairings that we don't have names for.
- A couple saw him because the one dressed as a female needed the reverse vasectomy, but was taking medications to appear more female & had grown an impressive set of breasts. This person had fathered one child in a traditional marriage & then got the vasectomy, divorced, & was now married to a another person who had their breasts removed & was taking medications to appear like a male. They wanted to create a child traditionally, but they'd both have to go off their meds to do so. That was the deal breaker since it would mean giving up the sexual identities they'd worked so hard to assume. (Having a baby wouldn't? Go figure.) They swapped their birth sexes on their marriage certificate, but it is a 'straight' relationship on paper.
- A woman wanted a penis built & had always been the male in the relationship with a woman. Neither ever felt as if they were lesbians. Were they a 'straight' couple when all was said & done?
- A man in a relationship with a woman underwent gender reassignment & also became a woman. They stayed in the relationship. Did they become lesbians?
Morgentaler spends some time discussing their attitudes & it's clear that being a 'man' isn't nearly as clear cut as I'd once thought.

Not in the book:Pronouns are often gender dependent & that's becoming a problem. John Scalzi tackles this question here.
I generally agree with him, but it does lead to some awkward phrasing at times which I noticed in this book. At one time, I thought maybe we should come up with some new pronouns, but given all the different permutations, I doubt I could remember all those needed. There are often no obvious social cues such as looking at a woman's ring finger for the form of address to use. (Miss or Mrs, to you youngsters raised on Ms.) I know those days are gone & I'll try to respect their wishes, but they best be understanding if/when I screw up. I'm not judging & don't care. I'm often clueless as to their particular variation of/from the norm. Yes, there is a norm (about 95% straight in my life) so they need to remember that no matter how frustrating their own journey has been. Back to the book.

Male genitalia are a lot more complicated than we generally credit & there is a lot of misinformation circulating. What constitutes Erectile Dysfunction (ED) isn't always as simple as many men think & it's difficult for many to discuss even with their mates. He has been surprised by some concerns or lack of them. Normal has a wide range & many men have issues. Some discussed here in a CBS News blurb about him

Masters & Johnson erroneously claimed in the late 1960s that most ED was due to psychological issues based on poorly designed questionnaires. It wasn't until after physicians finally figured out how an erection works in the early 1980s that they found ED is usually due to physical problems. Instead of 80/20 psychological, it's just the opposite. Erections are super important to men & their self image which can lead to them distancing themselves in relationships when they're not able to perform, especially when coupled with the ignorance that used to surround the subject & the label of 'impotence' which has so many other negative connotations. What some men will go through to get an erection is both horrifying & instructive. "Bonk" by Mary Roach goes into this & is a great additional read.

The corpora cavernosa of the penis are spongy & trap blood, but the early 1980s doctors were split into camps as to whether the muscles needed to relax or tense to do this. Giles Brindley proved this at perhaps the most memorable lecture ever in which he showed how a muscle relaxant he'd injected into his penis gave him an erection to several hundred urologists & their wives. He dropped his drawers & even walked into the crowd offering to let them touch it & feel for themselves. Thus was the way paved for ED medications.

At first an injection had to be given & it worked wonders. (It's still used.) It gave doctors far more information since they could cause erections as needed to study them. Viagra, Cialis, & Levitra came out from the mid 90s on & created a huge social change, almost as big as The Pill of the late 60s. Bob Dole & the drugs mainstreamed & opened up far more communication about the issues. There are a lot of physical causes, many just due to aging.

Morgentaler says he was pretty much a pioneer in testosterone research & provides a lot of info on it. It's not just for sex, but mental health, energy, & physical health, such as bone density. He debunks the idea that it causes cancer. His research on how this myth got started isn't startling, but disappointing & instructive. Poor research & popular press can set science back an amazing amount. It's a theme that is too common, like the vaccine-autism idiocy.

All the above is covered in the first half of the book & the second half dwells on specific ED issues along with the various fixes that were tried; what succeeded, what failed, & why. There is more about how important an erection & testosterone are to men, their spouses, relationships, & life in general. This leads to repetition as Morgentaler drives his points home. He doesn't write dialogue very well & Stephen Hoye is not my favorite narrator. His voice is good, but his pace, rhythm, & intonations are slow & a bit stilted, so I got a bit bored at times.

There were some more interesting facts at the end, although they're buried in the repetition. 75% of the men surveyed thought their penises were smaller than average, obviously an impossibility & akin to women thinking they're too fat. Average flaccid is 3.5", erect 5.15", but he had men an inch longer who didn't believe they were above average. 2" is considered the minimum length needed. He also doesn't think we do a good enough job teaching sexuality, when we even bother to teach sex at all & porn isn't a good way. Far more men have issues than most would believe. They're often normal, but our ignorance & self-esteem issues keep us from proper treatment. He makes it sound as if we're still in the Dark Ages & we are in some ways, but the tide is turning.

Overall, it was a really good book with a lot of great information. Both sexes should read it no matter orientation. Each will take away something different & useful.

[Merrikay · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's taken awhile for me to get to writing this because I was touched by this book and am still thinking about it.  When I taught gender identity development one of the things I focused on was how sexism hurts men.  Most of us can see the obvious ways it hurts women, e.g. salaries, violence, etc.  I wanted my students to see the cost that oppressing has on the oppressor so my focus was different.  Men pay in terms of their health among other things, but mostly in their emotional development and in their relationships with their children and other loved ones.  The U.S. culture, although certainly changing, still has so much of a gender split that many members of both genders are held captive by their expected behavior and live restricted lives.  They are often unaware of that and of the effects it has on them.  Some women still expect men to sweep them off their feet, seduce them, and perform like supermen.  Of course they still expect it - that is still the pattern in most movies, books, music regardless of the fact it has changed somewhat.  A large portion of this book is focused on what it is like to be the sweeper, that knight in shining armor.

Morgentaler clearly and in great detail illustrates the ability of men to fake it physically, meaning to fake orgasm and passion.  He presents in depth knowledge on this topic, in which he is well versed.  He is an associate clinical professor of urology at Harvard Med, experienced in both medical practice (25 years of it) and peer reviewed research.  There is enough background here for the lay reader, for whom the book is written, if not the professional.  As a former teacher of human sexuality, I wish I had had this information before I retired, and would like to have used the book as an undergraduate text.  For example Morgentaler addresses the difference between orgasm and ejaculation, explaining the physical possibility of faking it.

In short, the why of faking it is to live up to the cultural model of the always available sexual male not so much as to fulfill a sense of ego but even more so to fulfill his duty as a husband and/or lover.

There is interesting information  about how some of the empirical data is gathered, e.g. equipment for measuring erections, traditional methods of measuring testosterone levels, etc.  Certainly the biological drive to reproduce is clear and is addressed.  There is some mention of the female drive here also (altho not a mention of the English research that shows that women are more likely to have affairs when they are fertile, a little tidbit that I have always found interesting).  There is excellent coverage of the broad effects of testosterone levels, specifically those not related to erections and specific sexual performance, which have lead to some doctors prescribing viagra and testosterone together.  Dr. Morgentaler addresses the previous controversy of the misuse of testosterone supplements and possible links to cancer, which appear to have been disproven.  He has done this by performing a meta-analysis of over 200 medical articles.

The use of viagra in the U.S. culture is almost a joke to some people, and in my opinion it is certainly overprescribed and abused.  This author reminds us of the importance and many benefits of the proper use of viagra, which I believe is an important topic that is overshadowed.

I was happy to see Dr. Morgentaler address penis size, because how can you trust anyone who continues to support the silly idea that differences in that area are non-existent.  Looking at reality and examining  it and dealing with it works much better in my opinion.

Happily Dr. Morgentaler also  includes both hetero and homosexuality in this book, as well as making some interesting comparisons about how we perceive male versus female sexuality.  For example, a woman can have multiple orgasms during intercourse and it is seen as a great thing, whereas a man who has an early orgasm and then more, is often derisively pathologized and referred to as a premature ejaculator.  No one refers to a woman who has orgasm before her partner as a premature anything.  Ultimately, the author states that when you ask women why they fake it, they usually reply that they wanted to make the man feel good.  He shows us that in his experience in this field, when you ask men why they fake it, you get the same answer.   They want to make their partner feel good about themselves.

This book is well written and a very good read.  Whenever I started to think that was about all I wanted to hear about this topic, something new was presented and kept leading me on to finish.  I highly recommend this book for undergrads, lay people, men and anyone who loves men.  As a marriage therapist, I would recommend this to my clients also. I intend to give away a few copies to my adult children and grandchildren for starters.

[Vanessa Wolf · Rating 3 out of 5]

The title should really be: "The totally Unexpected Truth About Men and Sex: including why they fake orgasms, but not limited to such topics," as the question as to why men fake orgasms is answered in the first chapter. Its got quite a bit of helpful information about medical advances in implants (which I was surprised to find was not the sole province of cancer survivors), ED treatments, and hormone therapy. Dr. Morgentaler has a rather, admittedly, rose colored glasses when it comes to a man's intentions however, though forgivable given his clientele.

There's a lot of anecdotal information which keeps the pace of the book flowing (pun very much intended) and even someone as cold-eyed when it comes to men as myself will feel sympathy. However, his psychological evaluations are... well, as I said, rose colored. It is informative, particular in terms of male health in the golden years. But the work has a crafted feel that boarders on propaganda, as if men everywhere are secretly wanting to be noble kind creatures. I only roll my eyes because men are no more secretly wanting to be feeling creatures than women are secretly seeking to be tougher. The idea that male sexuality is more complex than a flip of a switch could be better explored by a joint work that incorporates psychological aspects, but it would also make a book big enough to crush a bird-eating-spider.

I was glad Morgentaler touched on homosexuality and how many aspects mirror hetero relationships in terms of loving and pleasing one's partner and facing health concerns together. Overall a good read.

[Hal · Rating 3 out of 5]

The first thing that got my attention about this book like most people I would suppose was the unusual title. Men faking it? Well that could encompass a lot regarding men and their behavior regarding sex. Like maybe pretending one is better than advertised. But in fact it relates to one particular case in which a man fakes his orgasm with his partner to simulate his pleasure in pleasing her. An isolated case to say the least and I took issue with that aspect of the book as it came across as a teaser to lead you further to explore what is this about?

Well beyond that minor point, on the whole the book delivered on a wide variety of sexual maladies, conditions, and malfunctions men deal with everyday but probably don't discuss much. Dr. Morgenthaler in his practice has seen probably everything one can experience in this regard. He covers it all from measuring up to maintaining performance, or lack thereof. Though today in areas of ED and testosterone which is covered routinely in the media and commercials not as much is uncovered that hasn't been. On the other hand he relates a number of seemingly bizarre conditions that may not be as uncommon as we thought.

The psychological side of the topic is probably just as interesting though the book is primarily focused on the mechanics of the whys and solutions available. He does connect well the issue of esteem and its primary importance to most men and how they struggle when things don't quite work right. This is a book every man should find useful in understanding more about something that is often just guessed at or suffered in silence, well worth the time to explore.

[Kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the male equivalent to What's Up Down There?: Questions You'd Only Ask Your Gynecologist If She Was Your Best Friend. (Which I also liked.)
Although I learned a lot about equipment I don't have, I think it is important to be knowledgeable about things that could affect your partner and/or child. The trans-gender chapters were enlightening. I quite liked the whole thing.

[Scott Rhee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Penis.

I know: it's as weird and silly to read the word as it is to say it aloud. If you can do it with a straight face and without giggling, you are a more mature man than I am.

Dr. Abraham Morgenthaler, author of "Why Men Fake It", is a mature man. He is, according to the bio on the book jacket, "an associate clinical professor of urology at Harvard Medical School and the founder and director of Men's Health Boston, the first comprehensive center in the United States devoted to the specialized needs of men." The guy knows penises.

He can probably not only say the word without giggling, he can write an entire book on the subject. And he has. A serious book. one with big words and virtually no dirty limericks. I'm impressed.

Primarily a series of anecdotes based on case studies and patients of his over the years in his capacity as a physician, Morgenthaler illustrates the many issues facing men's penises. Take, for example, the titular story about a man who is unable to ejaculate, so he "fakes" orgasms with his wife for fear of boring her and/or causing her to chafe. Seriously, that's love.

Story after story is like that: Morgenthaler makes the point that more often than not, these issues---from the afore-mentioned rare disorder to the more common disorders such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction---don't just affect the man with the troubled penis. (as a side note, that sounds like the title for a great book, doesn't it?) They also affect their partners.

The evident joy Morgenthaler has with his job stems from his evident joy in helping men not only regain a sense of their manhood but strengthen and improve their sexual relationships.

If Morgenthaler's book succeeds in doing anything, it is hopefully to help many men get past the shamefulness, embarrassment, and fear in talking about the issues (with friends, spouses, and doctors) and seeking treatment for very treatable and common problems with their penises.

[Carolyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book takes the highly controversial opinion that men are people too. I tend to agree.
Evidence:
Men care about their partners' emotional well being.
They worry that they're not 'enough' and, in trying to be 'more' or 'better', they often inadvertently drive their partners crazy.
Occasionally, they lie because the truth seems too hurtful. In effect, men are just as neurotic about relationships as women.

What it comes down to is this: a body would be wise to consider their partner an individual rather than a stereotype they like to fuck. This is just as true for men as it is for women, for gay as it is for straight. Folks is folks.

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

If you think you know everything there is to know about men and sex, think again because you probably don’t. Not only did I learn a few new things, but other “facts” and “theories” I THOUGHT I knew were dispelled or corrected by the information and illustrative stories presented in this book. Dr. Morgentaler has put together an interesting and informative tome designed to dispel myths and stereotypes, bring accurate and obscure information to light, and underline similarities between the sexes that are often overlooked and undermined. Essentially, the doctor encourages us to broaden our perspective on the definition of a man and on what is considered to be normal (i.e., physically, emotionally, behaviorally). He also gives readers an honest and intimate glimpse into what it is like to be a practicing physician who specializes in urology in the contemporary world of modern medicine.
The tone of the writing is light and often humorous while also conveying the doctor’s heartfelt respect and compassion for the patients described in the book. His presentation of the material is simple and straightforward without being dry. The information is educational and valuable, and the anecdotes used as illustrations are entertaining as well as eye-opening. In this book, Dr. Morgentaler successfully manages to put his readers at ease with a topic that might otherwise cause squeamishness or discomfort.
I’ve read other works on the subject and still never knew some of the obscure facts and findings presented by this particular book. A few of the doctor’s stories actually left me dumbfounded. The book is highly unique in both content and readability. Choose to read it…and be both educated AND entertained.

[Lynne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fair warning folks...this title is very misleading. I'm in marketing, so I can appreciate strategic positioning and a good "hook," but this really is closer to a text book than you might think. It's probably best to sum it up this way...it's like being cornered at a hotel bar by a mildly drunk urologist who wants to regale you with all the crazy things he's seen over the course of his career...oh, and, occasionally brag. That said, once you get your bearings and come to accept that you'll be reading about case study after case study -- and become indifferent to the word "penis" being used every three words -- this isn't such a bad read. It is clear, by the title, and the context of the content, that Dr. Morgentaler really wants the male gender to be better understood. And, after hearing him out, he's right. Guys do get a bit of a bad rap when it comes to sex, and, their gender does have its own inherent challenges. I think if you own boy parts, this is a must-read. It's very approachable and insightful. If you don't have the parts, like me, it will give you better perspective, if not simply pause for thought, about men and what's going on in their heads (er, ah...both of them, I suppose).

[John · Rating 3 out of 5]

truly we are living in a golden age of Bonerology. Leaving aside the blurbs on the back by eminent medical authorities like Suzanne Somers, this us a pretty good case for men possessing many of the traits perjoratively ascribed to women. An editor should have done something with all the stilted dialogue, but once you discover it is disposable, this is a fast read.

[Jeannette Mazur · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this was fairly interesting, the content level vacillated from lowest-common-denominator to wildly technical medical jargon. The ending dragged a bit and I almost gave up. It had some interesting anecdotes that redeemed the book back up to 3 stars. I probably wouldn't recommend it though. 5/10.

[Adriana · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author’s main theory is that men measure their manliness on whether they are good sexual providers. This is not my experience at all with Mexican men. They are only interested in themselves and getting themselves sorted out. However, I notice it IS important for European men so I think the author’s statement needs cultural nuancing.

He also believes (being a man tending to men) that men are fundamentally good and even selfless. Again, I wonder at this statement. He sees them at their most vulnerable and casting themselves in the best of lights. I doubt even a wife beater would say bad things about himself so…makes me wonder about this deep faith he has on men. I differ.

The book starts off describing peculiar cases and their solutions. There’s, for example, a transgender couple that wants to get pregnant with their original bodies, a boy transitioning to become a woman, a woman who transitions to become a man and is into ladies, a woman who wants the doctor to build a penis out of her clitoris, a man who cuts his penis off on a psychotic breakdown, etc. All operations are described in detail if that’s your up of tea, though it certainly is not mine.

There’s also plenty of information on the male reproductive system and how it’s closely linked with mental health. There’s a chapter on gay sex and it’s interesting because it dispels a lot of myths on how it’s performed. As the author says, in a world filled with misinformation about sex, this book is very valuable. It dispels myths such as men have much more sex and many more sexual partners than women, informs how long men take to recover after sex at different points in their lives, etc. There’s also plenty of chapters on ED and viagra and other technologies to deal with it, including implants.

The doctor has had a long run as a surgeon and has seen many patients. One thing that shines through is his humanity. He really is a kind person and if I were a man I’d be happy to be treated by him.

I personally read this book to know more about my partner’s sexuality. I did learn quite a lot and now I’m happy to know so much about ED and how do tackle it should it become a problem one day.

TL, DNR: This book could be summed up by saying that having a good mental health is Key to having a good sexual life. The author underlines the impact ageing has on sexual performance and is very much into handing Viagra recipes to improve patients’ lives. He actually devotes a large part of the book to informing how viagra changed people’s lives and how most men will be affected by ED at some point in their lives, though viagra will most likely save the day.

[K · Rating 5 out of 5]

A fantastic book about what it means to be “male” in society. From needing surgery to be able to get it up, to not being able to perform, to not being born with testicles, to even being born with a vagina.

The book is written by a doctor and it’s pretty much broken up into several segments about stories and encounters with his clients. He has a very calm and scientific demeanor, aptly describing each patient’s woes without making fun of them.

It’s a good read for anyone struggling with feeling inadequate or or struggling with their sense of self. The book had very interesting research as well such as in regards to many men feel their penis size is below average (with their assumptions being incorrect) to women being married to men with reproductive issues but still choosing to be with them despite it making the men have anxiety.

Some of the stories got a little sad, like how one client couldn’t save his testicles or sperm and his partner left him because she wanted to have a baby. Others were chasing drugs because they wanted to be more good at sex despite aging out of that bracket. And others just had communication issues or connection issues that sex helped bridge.

I do think the title of the book is eye-catching for perhaps the wrong reasons. But hey it made me pick it up. If you’re wondering what the answer is, it’s for the same reason you do. To either not feel inadequate or to get it over with.

[Orpheus · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really interesting and informative look at both the biological and psychosocial aspects of male sexuality. I highly recommend for feminists of any gender to to give it a read. Much of the book does focus on cisgendered men in heterosexual relationships but Dr. Morgentaler is a urologist so he sees intersex people and trans women as well. The terminology is a bit dated (ten years is a lot as far as public conversations about transgender issues) but it is respectful and matter-of-fact.

Something that struck me was about how many issues came from insecurity about pleasing a partner. Many men came in with wives that were perfectly happy with the way things were, but still stressed about making sex for them better (hence faking an orgasm to not worry a girlfriend). There is a lot that is difficult to talk about when it comes to the male reproductive system and mens sexuality, and this book provides a good jumping off point for many conversations about sexual attitudes and issues, especially amount straight couples where there can be pressure for men to "always want it".

[Ashley Whitman · Rating 3 out of 5]

Why Men Fake It by Dr. Abraham Morgentaler tackles some truly fascinating and under-discussed aspects of male sexuality. The book shines when it challenges stereotypes and dives into real stories from patients, offering a more vulnerable and emotional look at men’s sexual health. However, while the subject matter is compelling, the execution feels uneven. Some chapters are rich in insight, while others rely a bit too heavily on anecdotes with less scientific grounding than expected. At times, it reads more like a series of case studies than a cohesive argument. It’s still a worthwhile read for those curious about male sexuality beyond surface-level assumptions, but it might leave readers wanting more structure and depth.

[Oleg Berezhnoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Holistic picture of a modern man

I was just nodding at almost all of the different real-life stories that this book is mainly consist of.
Yes, we are like that.
Yep, I can totally relate to that.
Yes, this is so true.

Men will find this read a major relief (I’m not alone in this!)
Women will definitely widen their view of men, and this, in turn, enhance their relationship with their men.

[S. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! A must-read for any man or anyone whose partner is a man. Methodically goes through everything about male anatomy camera intercourse, how everything changes over time and it's disease, okay all the possible treatments when anything is not functioning optimally downstairs or as usual. Very informative and comes from a strong medical background and that's never feels awkward at all. All points are thoroughly please don't and demonstrated through facts and stories.

[Monika · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ciekawa książka, nie spodziewałam się, że spodoba mi się bardziej niż myślałam, choć zachwycona nią nie jestem. Jednak polecam każdemu kto chciałby przyjrzeć się dokładniej męskiej seksuologii i z jakimi problemami się ona wiąże.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

surprisingly interesting look at male psychology and anatomy with lots of interesting stories from the author's practice

[Alan Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative.

[Sco · Rating 2 out of 5]

How can an American urologist talk about men's sexual health and anatomy for an entire book without mentioning the foreskin or circumcision?

[Seth Wester · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great short sex Ed fun read. Best parts were learning about implants and aging ding a lings.

[SHIP (formerly The CSPH)]

Every Monday, The CSPH takes a look at a book or film focusing on an aspect of sexuality. This week we are featuring the book Why Men Fake It, by urologist Abraham Morgentaler.

In the classic movie When Harry Met Sally, Sally’s character says about women faking orgasms, “All men are sure it never happened to them and most women at one time or another have done it, so you do the math.” This wisdom has seeped into pop culture, but fewer people know that men sometimes fake orgasms too.
However, this goes against the conventional wisdom because, on average, men have trouble not orgasming. But men sometimes fake it too, and in general when men fake it, their reasons generally fall into two categories: they didn’t cum or they couldn’t cum. Causes of the first category aren’t much of a mystery—sometimes it just doesn’t happen, the sex was bad, they weren’t in the mood, or their mind was somewhere else—and because the male orgasm is the norm, many men feel a pressure to hide their lack of orgasm to avoid embarrassing their partner.

Yet, for other men, they simply cannot orgasm during sex; Morgentaler offers some vivid portraits of these men. One man, Ramon, is a 29 year old auto-body detailer who used the coitus interruptus—or pull out method—for years with his girlfriend, and because his mind psychologically associated pulling out with orgasming, he couldn’t ejaculate inside his girlfriend. Another man, David, is a 28 year old engineer who masturbated by rubbing his penis on his sheets ever since he was a little boy. Because of this, he conditioned himself to only be able to orgasm from that kind of stimulation. With David, Morgentaler suggested he get his girlfriend to stimulate his penis and scrotum in a manner similar to his accustomed masturbation while using perfumes reminiscent of his first time masturbating; David was so excited about the perfume idea that he orgasmed inside his girlfriend without the help of the extra-stimulation.
As a snarky reviewer of this book put it, the title of this book really should be “The Totally Unexpected Truth About Men and Sex: Including Why They Fake Orgasms, But Not Limited to Such Topics.” This book not only covers men faking orgasms, but also aging, erectile dysfunction, and penis size. For example, we learn about Matthew, a handsome young man with erectile dysfunction. When he used viagra and it gave him an erection, it left him asking “What am I doing here?” and “Why am I doing this?” Though the viagra enabled him to have sex, it didn’t make him want it as sex can feel bizarre when you’re not in the mood. From tests, Morgentaler determined that Matthew had low-testosterone, but treatment for this enabled him to not only have a sex drive, but also get erections. Like this, each chapter in this book gives detailed information about specific male sexual problems, and gives us advice on how to deal with them. Sometimes the issues are merely psychological, but often pharmacological assistance is needed.
Something that’s nice is Morgantaler seems to really care about his patients. One of Morgantaler’s patients wanted a Cialis prescription because he could only have sex twice in a night and wanted to have sex three times a night. This man was in his early forties and Morgantaler didn’t think not being able to have sex three times in a night when you’re middle aged was a problem worth risking the side effects of a powerful drug like Cialis, so he sent the potential client away.

This book is written in an accessible style with lots of narrative detail about the lives of the people who deal with these issues. It’s both useful for people struggling with sex issues and those curious about human sexuality. Morgentaler says, “A man’s ability to have sex is a complicated and delicate process, and any number of problems may cause a man’s equipment to fail.” Luckily, we have him to guide men through their sexual hang ups.

Find this review, and more at the Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health's website: theCSPH.org

[Rem · Rating 4 out of 5]

"As I've noted before, a man's definition of great sex is when the partner says, 'That was great sex.' One of the great lies of modern sexuality is that men are preoccupied with their own pleasure. The truth is, most men are concerned with providing pleasure to their partner." Pg. 264

"The times are a'changing, and it will be interesting to see how the ongoing shift toward female power and autonomy plays out in the world of male/female relationships.
Sex remains the last taboo...There is no training in sexuality. No education about the psychological nitty-gritty of it.
There is another reason most people never speak openly about it: sex is totally bizarre. There is nothing in human experience like it. With sex we do intimate, deeply personal, secret things with people we barely know that we never do with friends or family--all the people we know best. We behave this way because as humans we are biologically designed to behave this way...We may wish our sexuality were bounded by reason, logic, and practical considerations, but let's face it---sex is irrational." Pp. 265-266

"In the end, men are people too. From the very beginning, at birth, we strive to make distinctions between men and women as if they belonged to different species. Some differences do of course exist--differences in upbringing, anatomy, and hormones. among others. However, many readers will be surprised to learn that men and women are as much alike as they are different. And as human beings, we share a connection at our very core: our deepest desire is to find a partner whom we can love and cherish, and who will accept us, and love us back, as we truly are. Recognizing man's true nature through the prism of sexuality is an opportunity for greater intimacy within relationship and a step toward a greater understanding of our own humanity." Pg. 273

[L.L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rzeczywiście książka jest bardzo dobra. Ukazuje mężczyzn w takim bardzo ludzkim świetle ;) Ale napisana lekko, nawet humorystycznie, naprawdę polecam.

"Łatwo sobie wyobrazić mężczyznę, który podczas weekendowego wypadu na piwo z kumplami chwali się świetnym seksem, jaki miał ostatnio. Czy potraficie wyobrazić sobie, jak ten sam mężczyzna opowiada o tym, jak onanizował się przy świetnym filmie pornograficznym Nie sądzę. Dlatego rozmowa z mężczyznami o masturbacji wymaga pewnej, hmm, delikatności."
(s.49)
- autor jest lekarzem i mówi tu o rozmowach w gabinecie (tak, nawet w gabinecie musiał odpowiednio to pytanie zadawać). Swoją drogą ciekawe, że to taki wstydliwy temat, bo przecież samodzielna sesja jest pewnie nierzadko przyjemniejsza :P


"Kiedyś widziałem w gazecie komiks, w którym starszy mężczyzna mówi do swojego wnuka: "Nie bierz tego do siebie. Każda osoba, którą spotykasz, zmaga się z czymś, nawet jeśli nie jest dla nas oczywiste, co to takiego". Trudno się nie zgodzić, prawda?
NIe mogę sobie wyobrazić, jak to jest, być dzieckiem, które ma poczucie, że z jego ciałem jest coś nie tak. Matka 12-letniej dziewczynki, która przechodziła operację zmiany płci, powiedziała mi kiedyś: "Livia miała zaledwie 6 lat, kiedy spytała mnie: <>". Jedyne, co mogę zrobić, to uszanować to, że każdy żyje tak, jak chce, zmagając się ze swoimi własnymi lękami i tocząc swoje własne bitwy."
(s.106)

A więcej to w pamiętniku...

[Krys (Krys Reads) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Via Black 'n Write Reviews
I didn’t know what to expect when I started listening to this audiobook, but now that I have heard it in it’s whole I can’t seem to figure out whether I regret listening to it or not. Although, I think in the long run, considering how little I really knew about men and their anatomy, I might actually be able to look my future husband after 25-30 years and say “It’s okay. What you’re experiencing is normal.” (And mean it.)

I never anticipated hear about so many men to have experiences so similar yet so different when it comes to their reproductive organ. Simultaneously, I will never understand it. Why Men Fake It, is a really interesting book nonetheless. I think anybody who isn’t squeemish about “sex” talk will find this book to have some very interesting information. I also think men, especially men, could benefit from reading this book since it has a lot of information that you might not have the opportunity to know where to look for on the internet.

I can’t quite say I know why I chose to read this book, but I know even though I borrowed it from the library, I definitely want to go out and buy a copy and highlight some very interesting tid-bits. The audio-version was nice because there was some humor in the narrator’s voice and it made the whole book more enjoyable.

- Krys

[Grinzz · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found one or two interesting chapters at the beginning, skimmed the rest, and then - Red Faced - returned it to the library in a small town.

The most valuable information in the book - for both men and women - was the confirmation that the man's psychological health WRT sex can be a major cause of ED.

So even though Dr. M has a prescription pad - he writes about non-drug strategies... if only the man will open his eyes/mind.

In all areas of medicine -- Integrative Medicine is what we need - so patients do not fall between the cracks of specialties... say urology and mental health.

There are now "women's health" MDs. The drug companies do not want to see a new specialty "men's health" because it will hurt sales.

Dr. M's next book will be 5 stars if a) the title is not so embarrassing to all readers b) the title is something like "Integrative Medicine for the Manly Man" and the content includes tips and encouragement to address psychological issues before embarking on drugs.

[Laurel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A deceptively-titled and surprisingly interesting and informative read. It is interesting to hear many urology case studies, especially to get a different, overwhelmingly positive perspective on viagra and other ED meds. Also, how did i not know that penile implants were a thing?!? amazing!

Bonus, the author is trans-friendly and dedicates a couple of chapters to the topic. And he eagerly counters the viewpoint of men as simpleminded and selfishly sex-obsessed, pointing out that his clients are primarily concerned with pleasing their partners over receiving pleasure themselves. He believes, as I believe, that men and women are at their cores the same and that the line between the two is exceedingly complex to define.

If you're a bit of a nerd and fascinated by anatomy and sexual function, this is a great read!

[Readersaurus · Rating 5 out of 5]

This one came in in a new book order and, of course, I was intrigued!

The unfortunate title makes this embarrassing to read in public, and will probably keep some patrons from borrowing it, especially in small towns like ours. That's too bad, as it's a fascinating and easy to read look at the fetal development that makes us male and female, an exploration of science and psychology of being transgender, the fluidity of human biology and how people fall all along the male/female spectrum, not squarely in one box or the other, what actually is happening inside a man's body before and during sex, and what men really say about what they think and feel about sex when they're alone with their doctors. This is really interesting stuff that probably very few women know.

[Tara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book as a Goodreads first read. This book was very informative and educational. It gives great insight into the minds of men dealing with their sexual issues like performance anxiety, ed, and other concerns. It was actually quite funny in some parts and had me laughing at some of the stories the author tells of former patient's dilemmas. This book was a rather interesting read and even comes with diagrams in the appendix to help illustrate the male human reproductive system. I found it had information that explained somewhat what a man thinks versus what a woman thinks when there are issues with sex. Overall a decent read where I learned quite a bit about the male anatomy and the male psyche.