Whatever we label it, overparenting—anxious, invasive, overly attentive, and competitive parenting—may have finally backfired. As we witness the first generation of overparented children becoming adults in their own right, many studies show that when baby boomer parents intervene inappropriately––with too much advice, excessive favors, and erasing obstacles that kids should negotiate themselves––their “millennial” children end up ill-behaved, anxious, narcissistic, entitled youths unable to cope with everyday life. The obsession with providing everything a child could possibly need, from macrobiotic cupcakes to 24/7 tutors, has created epidemic levels of depression and stress in our country’s youth, but this can be avoided if parents would just take a giant step back, check their ambitions at the door, and do what’s really best for their kids.
Written by a noted psychiatrist and a parenting specialist, The Overparenting Epidemic is a science-based yet humorous and practical book that features an easy-to-read menu of pragmatic, reasonable advice for how to parent children effectively and lovingly without overdoing it, especially in the context of today’s demanding world.
This was great for describing what's going on now with kids and their parents. I nodded along as I read it. I didn't find it useful for how to combat that tendency to over parent, however.
Heard of helicopter parenting? Another way of describing it is 'over parenting'. Over parenting occurs when parents try too hard to control their children's lives. There are many anecdotes of over parenting throughout, and the authors identify a number of different tendencies or parenting archetypes and how they lead to over parenting. To me these all blended into one. Key dangers of over parenting include the message it sends out children that they are incapable of doing things for themselves, and it leads to adults who are under prepared for life, lacking in basic skills.
One of the key issues that crops up time and time again in the book is the way parents feel the need to fill their child's every waking moment with structured activity. In actual fact, children need free time. Unstructured play allows children to develop many different skills including negotiating with others, problem solving and resilience and it also allows them time to reflect and develop creativity. Another trap to avoid is not letting your kids fail, but stepping in for them all the time. Don't. Let them learn early on that life is full of difficulties, and help them learn from their mistakes.
The book also contains a great reminder that as parents we should not seek our self-worth in our children's successes. This is probably one of the root causes of over parenting, and it carries with it a danger. When our self-worth is wrapped up in our children, we will never be happy. The authors rightly point out that nobody can fully meet your hopes and expectations all the time.
As a teacher, I see evidence of 'over parenting' regularly, and found myself nodding as I read a number of the anecdotes involving parents, students and teachers. However, as a whole, I found this book rambly, and I struggled to trace an underlying path or flow in the logic. It just seemed to meander.
An interesting read for insight on helicopter parenting and the influence it will have on children. Teachers and those who work with children will gain some understanding and compassion for the parents they encounter.
Required reading for all parents! Affirms letting your child experience failures/disappointments, in order to become resilient, confident people who can solve their own problems.