The Pet Loss Companion: Healing Advice from Family Therapists Who Lead Pet Loss Groups

by Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio, Nancy Saxton-Lopez

Everyone who's ever loved an animal companion will find wisdom and solace in this book. The authors share stories drawn from decades of experience leading pet loss groups and practicing family therapy. Their recommendations for taking care of yourself and loved ones during the rough spots of grief will answer all of your important questions and help you feel well-supported. I highly recommend The Pet Loss Companion for companion animal lovers like me.
— Ed Sayres, President & CEO of the ASPCA®

The Pet Loss Companion is a wonderfully reassuring book for anyone who cares about pets. It is a loving book, full of personal and practical details about how to care for oneself after loss. The authors are sensitive pet-lovers, empathic and engaging in this moving and meaningful book.
— Monica McGoldrick, MSW, Ph.D. (h.c.), Director, Multicultural Family Institute, and author of You Can Go Home Again

If you have ever lost a beloved pet and have wondered if your feelings are normal, this book is a must read for you. Ken and Nancy, in this single book, have captured the emotional roller coaster that most people experience during the end stages of the life of their pet. In addition there are helpful insights into their world as bereavement counselors and how they have helped their patients deal with the experiences of death. I have practiced Veterinary Medicine for over 30 years and have finally found a book that can be given to my grieving owners after such a trauma.
— Anthony Miele, DVM, CEO, Veterinary Asset Management, Inc.

What a gift Ken and Nancy’s book is to those of us who have cherished and lost a pet companion. They get it, and as such, gently and skillfully help to ease the treacherous journey that loss is. This gem explores the terrain of loss and grief and the vast love that surrounds the experience. Readers will be warmed, saddened, and delighted by the examples and tools that are provided to ease the necessary grief process. The experience of reading this little book leaves me feeling much gratitude for my pet companions and these authors who so beautifully convey the huge role they play in our lives.
— Lynn Parker, Ph.D., LCSW, Professor, Graduate School of Social Work, University of Denver

St. Hubert’s Animal Welfare Center is proud to offer free pet loss support as part of its programmatic efforts, with Nancy Saxton-Lopez at the helm for over 20 years. Together Ken and Nancy continue to provide this valuable service at our center twice monthly and they’ve expanded their reach by sharing their professional training and direct pet loss counseling expertise with the completion of The Pet Loss Companion . Their compassion for both pets and the people who love them is palpable in this concise, easy-to-read guide which offers understanding, solace, and hope to anyone struggling with the loss of a cherished animal companion, no matter the circumstances. The loss of a companion animal is a unique, yet not unique, grieving process not always well understood by others. This book connects and thereby supports people at a time of what can be isolating grief, providing a life raft or light to navigate the process. It’s also a helpful tool—whether as a gift or for personal awareness—for those looking for some guidance in supporting family and friends coping with pet loss.
— Heather Cammisa, President & CEO, St. Hubert’s Animal Welfare Center, Madison, New Jersey

Genres: Nonfiction, Grief, Dogs, Animals, Self Help

116 pages, Paperback

First published September 13, 2013

Reviews

[Rhiannon]

having just lost my cat of 18+ years, maybe this will help the giant hole in my heart.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was helpful. It's small, so I could read it all in one day. The explanations it offered about why I'm feeling certain ways made me cry more but it also made me feel better to know other people experience the same things and that my grief is justified and not overdramatic. It helped me with my guilt too, which is also a common emotion when you have to say goodbye to an animal. I'm definitely going to be referring back to it over the next few months when I need to. I wish there were any pet loss support groups where I live.

[mena ౨ৎ]

having recently suffered the loss of my childhood dog, zoe, i decided to pick up this book. i was drawn to it primarily due to the fact that it was written by therapists who lead pet loss support groups. i'm thankful to already have possessed a lot of the knowledge this book held, but still gained some insight here and there. there's sections for a variety of pet loss scenarios, from deciding to euthanize, how to explain pet loss to children, seeking out a therapist, finding joy in the aftermath, as well as how to handle your pet's remains. honestly, i think you could get the most out of this book if you a) have never suffered a pet loss before or b) are preparing for the loss of an animal.

i liked that a recurring point the authors make throughout this book is that feeling guilt while grieving is normal and common, but there was a part that rubbed me the wrong way. they were listing off ways your pet could have passed away and said that regardless of how your pet died, you have to eventually release yourself from the shackles of grief. one of those death scenarios was "accidentally leaving your pet in a hot car". i understand accidents can happen, but it felt as though the authors were dismissing this severe act of negligence. if you are forgetful enough to leave a living creature in a hot car in sweltering weather, you shouldn't have had a pet in the first place.

the chapter i most enjoyed was the one where the authors discussed finding joy after the loss of your pet. i feel like i'm at that stage in the grieving process, and would honestly love a whole book on that stage specifically.

[Jola (czytanienaplatanie) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jeśli traktujecie swoje zwierzaki jak członków rodziny, to każde słowo, które tu przeczytacie, trafi Wam głęboko do serca. Już na pierwszej stronie poczułam się zrozumiana, natykając się na sytuację opisywaną przez autorów, której sama doświadczyłam i która od razu wywołała u mnie potok wspomnień.

Pamiętam, jak po stracie naszego kota (stało się to, gdy byliśmy na wakacjach) mój teść napisał mi, żebym się nie przejmowała, bo on już zorganizował drugiego. A ja przecież nie chciałam jakiegokolwiek kota. Chciałam mojego Słodziaka. Ken Dolan-Del Vecchio i Nancy Saxton-Lopez doskonale rozumieją ten ból oraz fakt, że przyjaciela nie da się po prostu zastąpić innym zwierzęciem.

Dlatego podczas czytania towarzyszyło mi przede wszystkim poczucie ogromnego zrozumienia. Tak często w naszym społeczeństwie emocje związane z żałobą po odejściu zwierzęcia są bagatelizowane, a my słyszymy: „nie przesadzaj, to tylko pies” albo „weźmiesz sobie nowego”. Ta książka zdejmuje z nas poczucie, że coś jest z nami nie tak. Przypomina, że nasze emocje są po prostu odzwierciedleniem ogromnej miłości do zwierzęcego przyjaciela, czego ci, którzy jej nie doświadczyli, nie są w stanie pojąć.

Mimo trudnego tematu lektura nie przytłacza. Autorzy, którzy są doświadczonymi terapeutami i prowadzą grupy wsparcia dla osób dotkniętych żałobą, zadbali o to, by książka była krótka, łatwa w odbiorze i przede wszystkim bardzo osobista. Znalazłam w niej wiele autentycznych historii, bo autorzy dzielą się nie tylko swoimi przeżyciami, ale też opowieściami osób uczestniczących w ich grupach wsparcia. Dzięki temu czujemy, że nie jesteśmy w tym sami.

Bardzo podoba mi się konstrukcja tego poradnika. Każdy rozdział kończy się krótkim podsumowaniem z najważniejszymi punktami i praktycznymi poradami. To idealne rozwiązanie, bo gdy człowiek jest w silnych emocjach, trudno mu skupić się na długich wywodach.

Czy warto po nią sięgnąć? Zdecydowanie tak. Ta książka uzmysławia nam, że relacja między człowiekiem a zwierzęciem jest absolutnie wyjątkowa. Zwierzęta dają nam to, czego często nie potrafią dać ludzie, czyli bezwarunkową miłość i całkowitą szczerość. Autorzy przypominają nam o pięknej prawdzie, że choć strata przynosi ogromny ból, to ta miłość jest warta swojej ceny.

„Miłość, która trwa” to taki plasterek na poranioną duszę. Jeśli jesteście w procesie żałoby albo znacie kogoś, kto właśnie stracił swojego czworonożnego przyjaciela, podarujcie mu tę książkę. To przewodnik, który pomoże odnaleźć ukojenie i nadzieję, że ten ból z czasem zamieni się w piękne wspomnienia.

[brian d rogers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book very useful, and I firmly believe it came to me in perfect timing in a will beyond my own. I had just put down my black lab of a little bit over 12 years, to a progressive throat paralysis complication. this meant my scheduled appointment at the vet, was the last ride I would ever take with my special girl. the first 3 days after her passing we're filled with agonizing loss and grief, tears the likes of which I thought I would never cry. I believe that I do what I can to do constant work on my heart and on my mind. this being the case when I was looking for a book, I wanted the book to be one that I know is highly rated and if possible one that I found other people who had grieved as much as me found some type of Comfort in. most of this book ended up being extremely helpful, tips on remembering your pets spirit, how to do a burial or Memorial that works right for you, and most importantly " when" I could expect to heal, and when, if ever a new pet is " right" and so on. Basically, though my mind and heart are not in the place that worries me. I found myself reading and nodding my head knowing I'm not too far out there in one extreme or another. I'm not heartbroken so much that I'm paralyzed in pain, but I'm certainly not anywhere near normal. This book is a good step towards healing.

[Kara Russell · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Nancy often reminds people that deciding to euthanize means deciding to end suffering rather than deciding to kill. Your pet experiences their final moments here not as a time of betrayal but as moments in which your care for them continues. Trust is not betrayed but, rather, fulfilled by your decision to provide an easier transition. "
This booked helped me so much, but especially the passage about euthanasia. If your grieving the loss of a pet, this is a must read.

[Krystal · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Allow yourself to cry. Welcome the emotion as evidence of how much you loved your friend.”

This book provided some comfort during one of the hardest times of my life, saying goodbye to our cat Bean. It’s brief making it easy to digest, but was very helpful.

Bean is so loved ❤️‍🩹

[Jeremy · Rating 4 out of 5]

For the first week or so after my beloved Shade passed, my companion for nearly 20 years, I was inconsolable. It was difficult to focus on much of anything. I just sat there replaying those final moments over and over, the last few days, rollercoastering through feelings of disbelief, anger, guilt, regret.

The only thing that helped, oddly, was to read about it. Reading support forums, other people's stories, articles, and eventually books. I really appreciated this book as it wasn't heavy on religion, as many similar books tend to be. I'm very secular and reassurances about God and his plans and heaven do nothing to comfort. My only wish for this book that it was a bit longer. I devoured it in a day.

[Shannon Bray · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Your pain will grow ever smaller, but the love you feel for your pet will be yours to keep.” ❤️‍🩹

This book has been such an important tool in my healing these last couple of weeks. I still fall apart at least once a day - I miss Leeloo so goddamn much - but this book has helped me get through each of these hard days.

It reminds me that, even if not everyone understands it, the overwhelming grief that I am feeling is okay & normal. It reminds me to lean into the joy of now & to remember the joy of the past. It reminds me that every minute we had together was a gift.

But mostly, it reminds me that grief is just love we didn’t get to share. And what a gift it is to feel & to know this much love.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Would highly recommend to anyone going through the agonizing grief of losing a pet. The shared stories validated my feelings and made me feel less alone.

[Sheri · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book the week I had to say goodbye to my beloved cat, Boo. The authors of this book have put together something very comforting to those of us having a hard time with our grief over losing our pets. The book is concise, compassionate, and addresses so many of the things swirling around in our minds during this time. I highly recommend it to anyone grieving the loss of an animal companion. There are many passages I will be coming back to again and again in the future.

[Cecil H. Glenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Salve for an open wound

Dear Drs Ken and Nancy. It's been two weeks since we said goodbye to our precious Lucy. (Lab mix) we've had many dogs but she was special. Your book is what I needed to put this grief into perspective. Thank you

[Goszaczyta · Rating 5 out of 5]

🐶 „ᴍɪᴌᴏść, ᴋᴛóʀᴀ ᴛʀᴡᴀ” ᴋᴇɴ ᴅᴏʟᴀɴ-ᴅᴇʟ ᴠᴇᴄᴄʜɪᴏ & ɴᴀɴᴄʏ ꜱᴀxᴛᴏɴ-ʟᴏᴘᴇᴢ 🐶

•• Jak odnaleźć ukojenie po stracie ukochanego zwierzęcia? ❤️‍🩹 ••

▪️𝗥𝗘𝗖𝗘𝗡𝗭𝗝𝗔 ▪️

❤️ Miłość do zwierzaka nie kończy się wraz z jego odejściem - pozostaje na zawsze w twoim sercu, dając siłę do dalszego życia. ❤️

Tak bardzo zgadzam się z tym stwierdzeniem. Myślę, że nasz psijaciel pozostaje w naszym sercu na zawsze. To bezwarunkowa miłość, która nie mija. Już nie wyobrażam sobie domu bez zwierzaka.
I bardzo ciężko pogodzić się z myślą, że pewnego dnia może ich zabraknąć❤️‍🩹 I jak przygotować się na taki cios od losu?

Z pomocą przychodzi nam książka „Miłość, która trwa”. Napisana przez dwóch doświadczonych terapeutów: Kena i Nancy, którzy doskonale rozumieją ten rodzaj bólu i utwierdzają czytelnika w zrozumieniu, że przyjaciela nie da się zastąpić kimś innym.

Jak dla mnie to przede wszystkim poruszające i pełne empatii wsparcie dla osób, które mierzą się ze stratą ukochanego pupila. Autorzy z dużą dawką wrażliwości i zrozumienia prowadzą czytelnika przez zawiłości żałoby, pomagając nazwać trudne emocje i oswoić chaos, jaki często towarzyszy po odejściu zwierzęcego przyjaciela.

Książka „Miłość, która trwa” przynosi ukojenie, ale również dostarcza konkretnych wskazówek, na przykład takich jak radzić sobie z problemami z koncentracją czy falą sprzecznych uczuć. Autorzy nie przytłaczają natłokiem informacji, które czasami może wprawić czytelnika w zakłopotanie i czasami wręcz zmęczyć. Nancy i Ken prowadzą grupy wsparcia dla osób, których dotknęła taka strata i stworzyli tę książkę, po to, by podzielić się swoim doświadczeniem oraz historiami, które usłyszeli podczas spotkań. Szczególnie cenne są fragmenty, w których autorzy odpowiadają na pytania wielu opiekunów: czy mój smutek jest normalny? Jak reagować, gdy ktoś bagatelizuje stratę słowami „to było tylko zwierzę”? Dodatkowym plusem są krótkie rozdziały, które kończą się krótkim podsumowaniem z najważniejszymi zagadnieniami i poradami.

To mądra, wspierająca i potrzebna książka, która pomaga poczuć się zrozumianym oraz daje przestrzeń na przeżywanie żałoby bez wstydu i poczucia osamotnienia. Mimo iż nie przeżyłam jeszcze takiej straty w swoim życiu, to zdaję sobie sprawę, że muszę się przygotować na taką ewentualność, dlatego tak dobrze czytało mi się tę książkę. Mogłam na chwilę zwolnić i zastanowić się nad pewnymi kwestiami. I zdaję sobie sprawę, że ta książka nie da mi gotowej recepty na żałobę po ukochanym zwierzęciu, to jednak terapeuci skonstruowali ją w taki sposób, że każdy kto po nią sięgnie poczuje się zrozumiany 🐶❤️‍🩹

[RR Elm · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book to be a well‑intentioned and accessible resource for those navigating the grief of losing a beloved pet. The book offers practical guidance and reassurance that pet loss is a valid and meaningful form of grief, which I found comforting—especially in the early stages of my grief journey. This reassurance can help readers feel understood and less alone in their experience.

That said, while the insights are sound, the overall tone felt somewhat surface‑level and generic at times. The writing often leans toward broadly applicable advice rather than deeply personal or emotionally resonant reflection that I was hoping for. I occasionally found myself wishing for more nuance, warmth, and a stronger sense of lived or clinical expertise behind the words, particularly given how profound and individual pet loss can. This can make readers seeking emotional depth feel their needs are not fully acknowledged.

This book may be helpful for readers who appreciate straightforward, companion‑style guidance and validation. Still, those, like myself, seeking deeper emotional connection or more original, heartfelt insight may find it a bit limited. A solid starting point, but not one that stood out among other pet loss books I’ve read.

[Laura Ellavsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone who listens to Ken & Nancy’s podcast will recognize the themes in their book. I could almost hear them reading it as the content was so familiar. The consistency of their messages, from book to podcast just makes sense. I found their work after losing my precious boy, Mozzie, just a little over a month ago. Deep in despair, I of course began to Google- searching for how to live again. Enter their podcast, enter this book. Anyone who is experiencing the pain of pet loss can relate to their message. The length is perfect, the language is accessible. They’ve been where we are and they will be there again. You can hear it in their words; their tender hearts, they just get it. I didn’t feel like I would ever be able to wade through this grief, until I found the Pet Loss Companion. I can’t say enough how much comfort their work has provided me, day-to-day, in an otherwise deeply painful, hopeless existence. If you pick-up the book, listen to their podcast too. You are not alone. 💕

[Jenni L. · Rating 3 out of 5]

⭐⭐⭐ Decent clinical perspective, but lacked the personal depth I needed.

As a fellow mental health professional, I picked up The Pet Loss Companion after losing my beloved cat, hoping its background in family therapy and support groups would provide a strong framework for healing. On a professional level, the book has some merit. The authors have a general understand the dynamics of pet loss, and their clinical observations on how pet loss ripples through a household are valid.

However, as a grieving cat parent, the execution fell short for me. The tone often felt a bit too detached and academic, rather than providing the deep, intimate emotional comfort or structured journal space I was looking for. It is a decent, informative read if you want a broad overview of how families navigate pet loss, but for me, it lacked the warm, restorative heart needed to help me process the raw emptiness in my own home.

[Mihaela C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Losing a pet can be a deeply emotional experience, as pets often become cherished members of the family. The grieving process for pet loss is unique to each individual, and people may go through various stages of sadness, denial, anger, and acceptance. Finding support from friends, family, or pet loss support groups can be helpful in coping with the grief. Creating a memorial or remembering the positive moments shared with the pet can also aid in the healing process. It's important to allow oneself time to grieve and seek support when needed.


This book is one of the best I read in the last two months. I highly recommend reading it.

[Sofocles Zanitti Manzone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hace un poco más de dos semanas perdí a mi amadisisma gatita. Este libro me ayudó a comprender una buena parte del intenso dolor que estoy atravesando. Me ha ayudado a analizar mis sentimientos y a tenerme más paciencia. Me quedo con la enseñanza de que todo duelo y pena nos enseña valiosas cosas para nuestra vida, como a apreciar a nuestros seres queridos mientras los tenemos. El duelo pasará, pero el amor por mi gatita jamás disminuirá, jamás la olvidaré y siempre estaré agradecida de que la vida me la diera. Mi gata fue una bendición y debe ser tratada y recordada como tal. Gracias gordita mía. Pronto nos volveremos a encontrar, así que espérame, mamá te ama para toda la eternidad.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an excellent guide to navigating the loss of a pet, and helped me after losing our beloved cat. It helped me make sense of the grief I was going through and to cope with the sometimes hurtful but well-meaning comments of others who may not understand. It also validates the feeling that the loss of a pet can be every bit as painful as losing a human family member or friend, and sometimes even more so due to the nature of the bond and the way pets become so entwined in our daily lives.

[Lenny Husen · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.25 This was super helpful. I am going to buy a copy for anyone in my life who loses an especially vital animal companion. It is easy to read and to finish--a short book with many helpful suggestions that may not be intuitive for people who are grieving.
What would have made it a 5 star rating?
some of the chapters are simplistic and overly list-like (if that is an adjective)
It would have been good to have more stories of people and their pets' lives and deaths, illustrating different types of grief processes.
But what is here is very good.

[Merel Herder · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written with a lot of compassion and understanding. You can tell the authors (and Ken as narrator) are big animal lovers themselves and get how devastating losing a pet is. I really appreciated how they summed up each chapter at the end with the key points. I listened to it as an audiobook and Ken has a very soothing and calm manner of speaking. I think it's a great one to listen to, especially in those solitary grief-riddled moments where talking with a friend feels like too much but being alone also feels bad.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I list Barley on July 8, 2022. I’ve lost pets before and grieved for them. As expected, saying goodbye to Barley and healing from losing him by my side is one of the hardest things I’ve had to live through. This book made me cry and has helped guide me toward healing while being gentle and kind with myself, accepting that there is nothing wrong with me while I struggle to complete all of my life tasks.

[karo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great self-help book for anyone who is grieving/has grieved the loss of a pet. I found this book through a video of someone who was also grieving a pet. It is an easy, quick read on purpose. There is a lot of helpful information and this book has helped me find a little more relief as I continue to grieve my companion animal. The book can be read in a few hours, however, I needed breaks because it did bring up a lot of emotions.

[Morgan Currie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is wonderful for anyone who has lost a furry friend over the years. Wheather your grief is new and raw, or old and a memory this book is great for you. It really helps to settle the mind and the heart, while giving great tips to help you cope. I would recommend this book to anyone in any profession. It is important to understand the human-animal bond, and it's effect on people.

[Kat Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was recommended to me after the loss of my dog Dakota. I found it to be very helpful. Lots of encouragement & reassurance that it’s ok & in fact normal to grieve the loss of your pet. What I liked: its short & helpful. Including real stories. What I didn’t like: the two authors co-writing style. I’d have preferred 1 author or a clear distinction of who was “speaking.”

[Lindsey Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't imagine a more perfectly and compassionately written resource. This is the second pet loss book that I've read and the difference between them was quite noticeable. To anyone who has lost a pet, or knows someone who has, I deeply encourage you to pick up a copy of this book. It has helped me in ways I cannot explain at this time.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

"You will emerge from your grief in a place different from where you started."

"Grief teaches that compassion and forgiveness toward ourselves and others makes sense because we live in an unpredictable world over which we have limited control."

"Your capacity to weather your pet's death demonstrates your resilience."

[Jenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written, full of empathy and practical tips for dealing with the loss of a companion. Short chapters make it easy to digest, and personal stories help with processing your own grief. Definitely recommend.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good, short and easy to comprehend book that helped validate my feelings of loss and grief after we had to suddenly put down our sweet cat due to late-stage cancer. I recommend to anyone who feels at a loss with their feelings over anticipating or just losing a pet.

[Roxanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book you dread reading but absolutely need to read if you are experiencing pet loss… this book articulated all my thoughts and feelings from losing my boxer puppy and reassured me that my thoughts are shared my many.