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Broken Vows: Divorce and the Goodness of God
“There was never supposed to be a post-marriage period of my life,” says John Greco. He had just accepted his dream position as a church pastor when his wife announced she was divorcing him. In a few short weeks, his marriage ended and his career plans unraveled. He was hurt, angry, and felt abandoned by God. Marriage is supposed to be for life, but divorce still happens. How can a Christian reconcile the reality of divorce with the biblical view of marriage? How can the wronged spouse forgive? And how can God still be good when bad things happen? In Broken Divorce and the Goodness of God , Greco doesn’t offer pat answers. In the initial aftermath, he says one must simply grieve. “There is a period after a devastating loss when a soul is unable to take in words of healing,” he says. “These are the moments, not to look for answers or try to find any sort of good in the situation, but to pour yourself out to Jesus.” Broken Vows combines Greco’s personal story with a biblical view of suffering. He provides pastoral help for those who have experienced divorce and gives all Christians a way to think biblically about this difficult subject.
108 pages, Paperback
First published August 26, 2013
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38 people want to read
About the author
John Greco
9 books10 followersJOHN GRECO is a writer, editor, and Bible geek who, right now, if it’s not too late in the day, is probably reaching for another cup of coffee. He’s also a husband, a father, and the author of several books for adults and children. His favorite book is the one he’s working on right now. pagesofjoy.com
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
March 18, 2024
Gospel hope for a person in the aftermath of divorce or.other heartbreak.
December 23, 2013
Divorce is not God’s intention for marriage; on this Scripture is quite clear. Yet divorce is not greater than God, and it cannot ultimately thwart His good purposes in a person’s life. That isn’t to say that divorce is easy (or ever preferable) but as Greco details with the candid honesty of first-hand experience, divorce cannot destroy a person’s relationship with Christ, and that is where true satisfaction and identity are found. Markedly authentic and commendable.
April 20, 2024
I’m not sure if I missed the impact here of this book where I am not divorced. I was hoping for some sort of clarity of what it looks like, practically speaking, for a pastor to navigate divorce. For some areas of Christendom, divorce disqualifies you for the ministry. That can be a double-heartbreak for ministers, especially when they are clearly not at fault. As Doug Wilson has pointed out, this a thorny issue; not just because divorce is often messy, but because the Pauline commands for ministers are both clear and foggy. Why is it the a serial fornicator prior to coming to faith and getting married is not considered a one-woman man, but the pious divorced man who remarried now is?
In this short book, I was looking for clarity on this and other issues, yet as the pages went on it simply became a recounting of his life story and how he found peace through it all. Again, I may have missed the impact here because I cannot relate to the issues the author experienced. If you read this, don’t expect much theology or scripture here, just anecdotes and storylines.
In this short book, I was looking for clarity on this and other issues, yet as the pages went on it simply became a recounting of his life story and how he found peace through it all. Again, I may have missed the impact here because I cannot relate to the issues the author experienced. If you read this, don’t expect much theology or scripture here, just anecdotes and storylines.
September 24, 2013
The topic of divorce in the Christian world is one that elicits a wide range of emotions. We have all encountered people who are dogmatic in their beliefs that divorce for any reason is unbiblical, and automatically disqualifies you for serving in any ministry capacity. Most of the time, those people don't even care to know the details about what led to the divorce. They simply brand you with the giant letter "D" (for divorce) on your chest (much like Hester's letter "A" in The Scarlet Letter), and cast you to disqualified Pastor/Deacon purgatory. However, even the Catholics who believe purgatory, give their people a chance to pay their penalty one day, and to "enter the joy of heaven". The people who hold to the view that all divorce is unbiblical seemingly do not want to extend a similar type of mercy to those who gave their all to make their marriages work, but their spouse either had an affair and violated the marriage covenant, or are not true born-again believers themselves and therefore have no desire to stay married to the person whose heart has been regenerated by the Spirit of God. After studying divorce myself, and reading/listening to countless sermons about the issue, I think we make a grave error in broad-brushing all divorce as unbiblical and that it automatically disqualifies you to serve in any ministry capacity in the church.
John Greco's book, Broken Vows: Divorce and the Goodness of God, is a short, but refreshingly biblical and honest look, at divorce through the eyes of a man who was days away from moving to Ohio to take over as the Associate Pastor of a church (his dream job) when he was confronted by a wife who confessed to an affair and wanted a divorce. The raw emotions that John experienced when his wife told him that she had had an affair with another man, and she wasn't sorry about having the affair, wanted to file for divorce, and had no desire whatsoever to reconcile their marriage, are literally felt by the readers in the early pages of the book. It truly broke my heart not only for John but also for his wife. This quote by John spoke volumes to the pain that he was experiencing and I am sure put into words what most people who have experienced divorce, or who are currently going through a divorce, have felt at one time or another:
"Officially it took another eight months for my marriage to end on paper, but that morning as I paced through our California apartment amidst shouting, crying, praying, and doors slamming, my marriage ended. I felt broken-no longer whole-like an arm or leg had been ripped from my body. If marriage is two people becoming one flesh, as the Bible says, then divorce is like that flesh being torn in two without anesthetic."
I felt like John's book was very strong in trying to exhort it's readers to really examine how we as Christians look at both of the parties going through a divorce. There are times that we are very hostile to those that we feel should bare the blame for the marriage failing, but John does a pretty good job of trying to lay claim to his shortcomings and failures in his marriage as well (more on this a little later). Also, John was very gracious towards the church that ultimately rescinded its offer to John to become their Associate Pastor because of his impending divorce. He doesn't blame them one bit, and does everything he can to make sure that readers don't come away from this book thinking that the church was not very merciful in their dealings with John. I also think John was successful in challenging his readers to not see divorce as an automatic disqualification to the ministry, even though that really wasn't the aim of his book. The main focus is on Christ, and how the Gospel should be the center of our lives and that we should not be defined by who we are in this world (Pastor of such-and-such a church, husband to this person, etc.). We should be defined by the fact that we have been made new in Christ, and that Christ is sufficient to meet all of our needs (in the good times and bad).
There were only a few things that I thought that this book could have done a better job explaining:
- I would have loved to know a little bit more detail about why John and his wife had to go to counseling in the first place. For instance, what were her main "gripes" about John in the marriage and what were some of the things that John saw in his wife that caused strains in their marriage. I understand that John was trying to be very careful in what he did and did not say about his previous wife in this book so as not to disparage her, but I think a little bit more detail about the things that his former wife was upset about would have helped the book some.
- I think it would have been interesting for John to go back to the church that rescinded their Associate Pastor offer and give them a chance to write an Appendix in the book on why they felt it was necessary to rescind the offer so quickly instead of waiting till the divorce was final. I understand why they did it, as does John, but as I was reading the book I found myself wanting to know a little bit more about the churches point of view on the matter. For instance, did they offer John counseling help? Did they ever reach back out to him to see how he was doing? Things like that.
All in all, this was a very good book and one that I will recommend to others who are going through divorce.
I received this for free from Cruciform Press in exchange for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
John Greco's book, Broken Vows: Divorce and the Goodness of God, is a short, but refreshingly biblical and honest look, at divorce through the eyes of a man who was days away from moving to Ohio to take over as the Associate Pastor of a church (his dream job) when he was confronted by a wife who confessed to an affair and wanted a divorce. The raw emotions that John experienced when his wife told him that she had had an affair with another man, and she wasn't sorry about having the affair, wanted to file for divorce, and had no desire whatsoever to reconcile their marriage, are literally felt by the readers in the early pages of the book. It truly broke my heart not only for John but also for his wife. This quote by John spoke volumes to the pain that he was experiencing and I am sure put into words what most people who have experienced divorce, or who are currently going through a divorce, have felt at one time or another:
"Officially it took another eight months for my marriage to end on paper, but that morning as I paced through our California apartment amidst shouting, crying, praying, and doors slamming, my marriage ended. I felt broken-no longer whole-like an arm or leg had been ripped from my body. If marriage is two people becoming one flesh, as the Bible says, then divorce is like that flesh being torn in two without anesthetic."
I felt like John's book was very strong in trying to exhort it's readers to really examine how we as Christians look at both of the parties going through a divorce. There are times that we are very hostile to those that we feel should bare the blame for the marriage failing, but John does a pretty good job of trying to lay claim to his shortcomings and failures in his marriage as well (more on this a little later). Also, John was very gracious towards the church that ultimately rescinded its offer to John to become their Associate Pastor because of his impending divorce. He doesn't blame them one bit, and does everything he can to make sure that readers don't come away from this book thinking that the church was not very merciful in their dealings with John. I also think John was successful in challenging his readers to not see divorce as an automatic disqualification to the ministry, even though that really wasn't the aim of his book. The main focus is on Christ, and how the Gospel should be the center of our lives and that we should not be defined by who we are in this world (Pastor of such-and-such a church, husband to this person, etc.). We should be defined by the fact that we have been made new in Christ, and that Christ is sufficient to meet all of our needs (in the good times and bad).
There were only a few things that I thought that this book could have done a better job explaining:
- I would have loved to know a little bit more detail about why John and his wife had to go to counseling in the first place. For instance, what were her main "gripes" about John in the marriage and what were some of the things that John saw in his wife that caused strains in their marriage. I understand that John was trying to be very careful in what he did and did not say about his previous wife in this book so as not to disparage her, but I think a little bit more detail about the things that his former wife was upset about would have helped the book some.
- I think it would have been interesting for John to go back to the church that rescinded their Associate Pastor offer and give them a chance to write an Appendix in the book on why they felt it was necessary to rescind the offer so quickly instead of waiting till the divorce was final. I understand why they did it, as does John, but as I was reading the book I found myself wanting to know a little bit more about the churches point of view on the matter. For instance, did they offer John counseling help? Did they ever reach back out to him to see how he was doing? Things like that.
All in all, this was a very good book and one that I will recommend to others who are going through divorce.
I received this for free from Cruciform Press in exchange for this review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255 : "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising."
August 18, 2017
This is a very good book to understanding the feelings you experience after your marriage ends.
September 20, 2013
What would you say to someone who's undergoing or who has already went through a divorce?
Is the gospel powerful enough to handle a divorce? The answer is a resounding yes, and John Greco seeks to show that in his book.
The book is split into 5 short chapters, and each of them was very readable.
The first chapter sets the context of the book, it talks about the author's experience in divorce, mainly about how his ex-wife had an affair and wants now to undergo a divorce. Not only so, the divorce had a domino effect and he lost his job as a pastor, but it then introduces the wonder of the gospel, with an eager expectation that one day, we will be free of all such effects of sin in this world that we currently live in.
Chapter 2 talks about how God works in mysterious and unexpected ways and how sometimes God does things for reasons known only to Him. Then it proceeds about the danger one faces when undergoing such situations, like a belief in a better circumstances in the future, or we begin to trust ourselves. The chapter ends with a clear call to trust in God in everything and for everything
Chapter 3 deals with the situation where one has to undergo 'unjust' suffering through no apparent fault of their own - "What is God doing?" - one will struggle with the question "Why I am made to got through this when I am not in the wrong?". The truth is, as the author points out, there is no one who's innocent, we are all sinners. In these situations we might be better than the other party, but hey, even our most righteous deeds are filthy rags, we too need Jesus to carry all our guilt.
Chapter 4 is the gem of this book, the author gives 6 steps for us to think through when we undergo such situations,
1) Leave vengeance to God
2) Forgive
3) Pray
4) Be wronged to the glory of God
5) Help the one who's hurt you
6) Move forward
Why are they the gems? It is full of scripture, each is explained and backed with scripture, and one that particularly struck me was the fifth one, where he chose to help pay for the car payment of his ex-wife days before the divorce was finalized because he was still, technically her husband and as Christians we're called to love those who are unlovable, and this is just one demonstration of it.
Chapter 5 ends with how others have tried to deal with martial affairs but these may not be gospel-centric, and again drives us back to the word and the gospel, to be centered onto it no matter what. And Christ when He saved us, has secured everything for us and that nothing can change that, no matter what situation or trials come our way.
The book clearly shows the power of the gospel, even in situations like a divorce, I would certainly recommend this book especially to those who are in similar situation like the authors' but also to anyone whom I know who are undergoing through 'unjust' suffering in his/her life. The gospel that is truly sufficient for all things.
Two quotes in the book which I think summarizes it "A gospel-centered life learns to recognize everything - even the seemingly bad things - as being the very best from the hand of a loving God and Father." "Life is good, because God is good."
Ratings: 4/5
Is the gospel powerful enough to handle a divorce? The answer is a resounding yes, and John Greco seeks to show that in his book.
The book is split into 5 short chapters, and each of them was very readable.
The first chapter sets the context of the book, it talks about the author's experience in divorce, mainly about how his ex-wife had an affair and wants now to undergo a divorce. Not only so, the divorce had a domino effect and he lost his job as a pastor, but it then introduces the wonder of the gospel, with an eager expectation that one day, we will be free of all such effects of sin in this world that we currently live in.
Chapter 2 talks about how God works in mysterious and unexpected ways and how sometimes God does things for reasons known only to Him. Then it proceeds about the danger one faces when undergoing such situations, like a belief in a better circumstances in the future, or we begin to trust ourselves. The chapter ends with a clear call to trust in God in everything and for everything
Chapter 3 deals with the situation where one has to undergo 'unjust' suffering through no apparent fault of their own - "What is God doing?" - one will struggle with the question "Why I am made to got through this when I am not in the wrong?". The truth is, as the author points out, there is no one who's innocent, we are all sinners. In these situations we might be better than the other party, but hey, even our most righteous deeds are filthy rags, we too need Jesus to carry all our guilt.
Chapter 4 is the gem of this book, the author gives 6 steps for us to think through when we undergo such situations,
1) Leave vengeance to God
2) Forgive
3) Pray
4) Be wronged to the glory of God
5) Help the one who's hurt you
6) Move forward
Why are they the gems? It is full of scripture, each is explained and backed with scripture, and one that particularly struck me was the fifth one, where he chose to help pay for the car payment of his ex-wife days before the divorce was finalized because he was still, technically her husband and as Christians we're called to love those who are unlovable, and this is just one demonstration of it.
Chapter 5 ends with how others have tried to deal with martial affairs but these may not be gospel-centric, and again drives us back to the word and the gospel, to be centered onto it no matter what. And Christ when He saved us, has secured everything for us and that nothing can change that, no matter what situation or trials come our way.
The book clearly shows the power of the gospel, even in situations like a divorce, I would certainly recommend this book especially to those who are in similar situation like the authors' but also to anyone whom I know who are undergoing through 'unjust' suffering in his/her life. The gospel that is truly sufficient for all things.
Two quotes in the book which I think summarizes it "A gospel-centered life learns to recognize everything - even the seemingly bad things - as being the very best from the hand of a loving God and Father." "Life is good, because God is good."
Ratings: 4/5
September 16, 2013
Divorced Christians are often treated as damaged goods. Christians in ministry that are going through divorce or have been divorced are treated as if they have a very contagious form of the plague. This book dares to go there, to the man in ministry whose wife leaves him. It is devastating on so many levels. The author (John Greco) shares his excruciatingly, painful walk through divorce. He does a great job in letting us see the very deep emotional & identity struggles he was forced to work through. In a very practical way he reveals how God truly helped him through this time. He is careful not to minimize the seriousness of it, he does not make himself out to be the victim, he reveals the deep pain caused by others yet without cynicism & bitterness.
A brave & needed book for the church. It is a book that pastors/church leaders should read then use as a springboard to discuss how they would & will deal w/Christians who go through divorce.
A brave & needed book for the church. It is a book that pastors/church leaders should read then use as a springboard to discuss how they would & will deal w/Christians who go through divorce.
September 16, 2013
This book had a lot of good insights from the Word about God's goodness. What I had a difficult time following was whether the author's testimony matched those insights. From time to time I felt that there were deep wounds and roots of bitterness that may have not been fully addressed. I say that with the most care for him and respect for this work. I understand it must be incredibly difficult to write about an experience like this.
March 12, 2014
I started reading this book today (March 3rd) even though I am not married but single for Christ. So far, this is a very interesting book to read. I finish reading this book today on March 11th. Great book to read for all of us even when we aren't divorce but a great way to understand them.
December 19, 2013
Best book on divorce I've read yet.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews