The Clockwork Vampire Chronicles

Clockwork Vampire Chronicles #1-3

by Andy Remic

This volume contains all three books in the Clockwork Vampire Chronicles: "Kell's Legend" "Soul Stealers" "Vampire Warlords"
The land of Falanor is invaded by an albino army, the Army of Iron. A small group set off to warn the king: Kell, ancient hero; his granddaughter, Nienna and her friend, Katrina; and the ex-Sword Champion of King Leanoric, Saark, disgraced after his affair with the Queen.
Fighting their way south, betrayal follows battle follows deviation, and they are attacked from all quarters by deadly albino soldiers, monstrous harvesters who drain blood from their victims to feed their masters, and the twisted offspring of deviant vachine, the cankers. As Falanor comes under heavy attack and crushing invasion, only then does Nienna learn the truth about grandfather Kell - that he is anything but a noble hero, anything but a Legend.
e-book ISBN: 978-0-85766-206-4 "From the Trade Paperback edition."

Genres: Fantasy, Vampires

ebook

First published January 1, 2012

About the author

Andy Remic lives in Lincoln, UK, although his heart and viking soul belong to the Scottish mountains. Married with two children, Andy has a variety of esoteric and sometimes contrasting loves, including sword fighting, climbing, mountain biking, kick-boxing, Ducati motorcycles and retro-gaming. He recently wrote the computer version of his novel Biohell for the 48K Spectrum, in which many people are still stuck. He writes in both SF and fantasy fields, and is sometimes accused of literature. Current novels include: Spiral, Quake, Warhead, War Machine, Biohell, Hardcore and the upcoming Cloneworld, Theme Planet and TOX for Solaris Books, and the Kell’s Legend trilogy, Kell’s Legend, Soul Stealers and Vampire Warlords for Angry Robot Books.

Reviews

[Helen · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is not a well written book. I think one star may even be too many. The plot is meandering and poorly thought out, the characters are one dimensional and tedious, and the language use is haphazard.

I couldn't bring myself to finish this book entirely because it was so bad (something that doesn't often happen, I usually persevere). I took it on my commute to work, where I thought I would get through it as I have nothing better to do. However I kept rolling my eyes so hard while reading it I was getting strange looks from my fellow commuters.

I think my main gripe is with the characters, I can forgive a lot of plotholes if the characters are enjoyable or interesting to read. These were not. Character development is essential to a good book in my opinion but every time these characters looked like learning anything they seemed to immediately revert to their state at the beginning of the book. This led to repeated conversations covering the same ground ad infinitum. Not to mention the fact that there was very little depth to any of the characters.

I also got the feeling the plot was being made up as the author went along. This is fine, I'm sure many books are written that way, but some level of editing and revising so that it no longer seems that way is key to a smooth reading experience. We start out with the antagonists being clockwork vampires, I did not get a satisfactory explanation to why they were clockwork. Then it suddenly turns out there have been vampires in the more traditional sense before now.

The battles go on to preposterous lengths with the characters taking near lethal beatings seemingly every other page. The first nearly unkillable foe appears very early on and therefore to continue to scale the threat up things get quite ludicrous.

As is typical in bad fantasy every female character gets raped or threatened with rape. Something I am fed up with seeing even in books that I otherwise enjoy.

Then there is the problem of language. There is a lot of mixing and matching of modern language with more archaic turns of phrase which is done awkwardly and I find jarring and annoying. Things get mentioned like purgatory even though this does not appear to be supposed to resemble a world with a Christian religious structure and similar incongruities kept popping up. The author also appears to be absolutely obsessed with honey for some reason. All drugs used be they recreational or malicious seem to be described as honeyed. All the drinks are like honey. Only a book on beekeeping could have been more focused on honey.

Overall I would not recommend this book to anyone. If you want a big violent anti-hero go read David Gemmel's Legend. He understands about plot and character development.

[Kurt Criscione · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm stopping this early....

Its an alright book and there are tons of great action scenes and its really easy to get sucked into the story and keep going.... those are all great things. Now why would I stop reading?

This volume is an omnibus... I finished the first book and went right into the second and immediately a LOT of things changed. Characters weren't quite acting the same, talking the same.... they just weren't right. I thought I knew where the story was going and NOPE...we're gonna change up all sorts of stuff... and we're going to forget scenes and conversations and such from the first book. Nienna in the second book is surprised and delighted when she's offered a meal of meat because she was raised mostly vegetarian... but in the first book she was demanding meat in Kell's soup... saying everything was better with steak (ok that's a little thing... but then you add in that she was educated, thinking of joining the military and was a bit of a tomboy in the first book.... but then she becomes more timid and clueless in the second book)

Also changes the main villain General Graal.... he's a cold badass, with a mysterious past who's been alive at least 1000 years and might have been a founder of the Vachine Race (or society, its not clear).... Book 2 he starts swearing and getting all emotional and worrying about things... and he shifts from 1000 to several hundred to millennia....

Anukis.... so much changes in her storyline but that's been going right along... her father is dead... her father is missing... her father is insane.... book 2 her father doesn't know what's been happening with his daughters AND is now working FOR Graal... when Anukis tries to tell him details about what's been happening to her... he is ALL KNOWING (despite just 2 pages earlier expressing that he had no idea what's been happening to her.... then he forgets and changes p[arts of her physical description between the two books... Anukis had her brass claws and fangs removed in the first book... then hidden things in her body made her grow Silver Ones which are deadly poisonous to her race making her a very badass combatant... then in book 2 she apparently somehow has the brass fangs back....

Yeah i'm putting the book aside to read at a later date. Maybe if I forget the details of the first book and read the second it will be better for me...

[Robert · Rating 1 out of 5]

As an omnibus collection of three books (Kell's Legend, Soul Stealers, and Vampire Warriors) I was really hoping for more from this series, but only made it to page 50 of the first book before I decided to not read any further.

When I was in the bookstore, it was the awesome cover art that drew my eye, and then the large printed words of Clockwork Vampire caught my attention and I was very interested. Then and there I read the back print and then the author’s introduction. So when it all began comparing this novel's main character to Druss the Legend--well, I had to have it!

Unfortunately, to liken this book's main character to David Gemmell's Druss is like comparing a Porsche to a minivan. Sure, they are alike, but so vastly different as to be complete opposites.

The major problem these books suffer from is the lack of a strong editor. The prose is rife with badly worded sentences, telling, and PoV violations. In the short amount I did read, I could easily find over a hundred such flaws. It was distracting and kept pulling me out of the story because I had to think about what was being said or described. I am college educated and very well-read, but some of the words were so out of place I was forced to look them up to find out what they meant. Perhaps they are common words in the author's UK English, but I had a problem with them as an American English reader.

I am disappointed, mainly because there were some gems in this material, lines that were well done or a cleaver turn of phrase that made me smile, but they are smothered by so many other flaws that I could not continue to read the story.

[Nathan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Can anyone say Legend?

[Ана Хелс · Rating 5 out of 5]

Омръзнало ли ви е от вампири, върколаци, зъбати феи, и всякаква друга свръхестествена гмеж, в която всяка спъната литературна кифла да се влюбва до смърт за някакви си пет минути взиране в дилатираните им зеници? И на мен така. Затова сега ще си говорим за един друг тип вампири, далеч по-близки до полу – животинския оригинал на Стокър или ордите изроди в истинската Аз съм легенда. Запознайте се с вампирите с часовников механизъм, които с радост ще ви изкормят, насилят, изпият, повърнат, и после всичко отначало пак в тоя ред до края на времената на хаоса, които няма да свършат в рамките на ничий човешки живот. И е излишно да ви предупреждавам да внимавате – за тях хората са плячка, храна, обида, зелена еуглена с крака и сакче кръв с лице. Надежда всяка тука убийте, и гледайте да умрете по-бързичко с нея, защото иначе агонията ви ще прескочи всякакви граници и възможности, за които дори и най-развинтеното въображение би си представило.

Светът на вампирите на Анди Ремик е малък, студен и миксиращ средновековни обиталища с фабрики от индустриалната революция – намек за евентуално технологично минало, може би включващо настоящото ни съвремие подир очаквания от всички достатъчно разгромяващ край, след който остават хлебарките и най-издръжливите хуманоиди без спомени или мечти за бъдеще. Хората са малко, но пък са оборудвани с крале, столици, майстори на меча, хубавици с разтворени пазви по кръчмите, и въобще целия фентъзи пакет, който можете да очаквате. А вампирите с часовников механизъм са съвсем отделна работа – изолирани в закътана долина далеч в планините, покрили се там от достатъчно много години, че да се превърнат в легенда, което им позволява да си крадат храна и да си я размножават във високопланинските кошари без страх от нечия ядосана инвазия. Не, че не могат да смажат човешката раса за секунди – просто си ценят ходещите, възобновяеми кръвни банки, чийто скверен продукт може да се преработи до кръвна смазка за странните механизми на новото поколение кръволоци. Но, както се оказва в последствие, не са въобще единствената злокобна, или най-древна, или най-гладна за човешки телесни течности раса, свила се на едно доста лимитирано парче земя някъде там или някога, според личните ви възприятия за времево-пространствен континиуум.

Езикът на Ремик е груб, цветист, модерен и креативен в псувните си – защото в ситуация, където хората имат безброй, и то по-силни от всичко познато или измислено, врагове, които чисто и просто искат да ги изядат до последна костица – ще се псува, пустосва, проклина и заклева до двадесет и девето коляно, и то само как. Героите са разнообразна купчина от сиви характери, които се развиват, и умират, и съживяват, и после пак загниват на някой самотен върхар. Главният протагонист си е обективно погледнато изключително зло и кораво копеле TM, но и поостарял и огорчен антигерой, който иска спокойно да си живурка и да забрави ужасите на една отминала война, грижейки се за милата си внучка. Да, имаме дядо-герой, но не се бъркайте – това не е Коен Варварина, и няма ишиас, хипертония и диабет, а една много голяма и зла брадва с душа наречена Илиена, която най-много от всичко обича да сече глави, крайници, и каквото там друго живо и се изпречи пред антрацитените остриета.

Към злото старче с кисел характер със времето се присъединяват и един хубавец с неустановена сексуалност, но много голям боен талант; милата му внучка и нейната приятелка с амбиции да стане известна куртизанка – убиец; умираща от рак асасинка и нейните извратени другари – бивши пандизчии от заведение за превъзпитание, пред който и най-западналия турски затвор в дълбокия Анадол е като почивна база за политици на родното черноморие; и едно магаре на име Мери. Чувството за хумор е черно, мрачно и сардонично до степен на преглътнат, почти предсмъртен хрип, но е единственото адекватно за ситуацията. Списъкът с уж „добрите“ се ревизира непрекъснато, като колонките за живи и мъртви се обновяват през петдесетина страници с кръвожадността на дядо Мартин в новата му книга, която надявам се внуците ми да прочетат някой ден.

Каузата е обречена – да се оцелее. По едно или друго време на някой му хрумва да ходи да се бори с вампирските господари, албиносите – черноризци, или мистичната раса на насекомородните демони, но скоро се затичва в обратна посока, тъй като нещо с ей такива големи зъби, метален хитин или твърде голям и дебел меч е по петите му. Но групичката от прогресивно оредяващи войни евентуално стигат и до нивото на безумната храброст, като единствена останала емоция след талазите страх, ужас и мъка, които изличават по-голямата част от човещината им, и в крайна сметка някои от тях дори се измъкват що-годе цели от купчините черва и разхвърляни крайници в окупираните коптори на залязващата човешка цивилизация. И макар на финала да се оставят едни доста широко открехнати врати към евентуално продължение, краят ще ви остави достатъчно удовлетворени след систематичната лавина от безизходици, причиняваща ви неутолимо желание да си ударите главата в стената няколкостотин пъти, защото вече ще сте развили емпатия до ниво на стокхолмски синдром към всеки един ходещ вампирски обяд с активиран оцеляващ ген на комодски варан.

Въобще – ако сте от феновете на Абъркромби и Мартин; иска ви се всичко да е кърваво, динамично и сурово – мъжкарско, а безнадеждността и липсата на ясна посока на действието са ви по-скоро вдъхновяващи – поредицата за вампирите с часовников механизъм на Анди Ремик е вашата оживяла фантазия, мокра от кръв, леко нацапана с вътрешности и окичена с много остри златни кучешки зъби, които могат да прегризат и гранит. И е меко казано впечатляващо на толкова първично ниво, че може би даже малко виновно ще ви дойде удоволствието от гор фантазиите за прецизна жестокост, божествени безумия и нескончаема болка, идващи с глутниците механизирани кръвопийци – новата господстваща раса по земите ни, които просто трябва да приемете като ваш консуматор, или да се слеете с тях, което в крайна сметка може и да не ви спести изпиването до дъно. Злокобно, ужасяващо и надъхващо до степен на адреналинов шок – нима ви трябва нещо повече от вампирски епос?

P.S. Гарантирам, че никой вампир на Ремик не блещука на слънце, и не клечи в короните на дървета, мърморейки глупости за лъвове и агнета. Просто си пие кръв, и къса на дребно човешки крайници. Какво по-хубаво?

[SoGrimm · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love these books. I will say there is some explicit SA so if you cant read that then dont try these books. If you're looking for some intellectual comment on society or some theology lesson hidden in your sci fi fantasy its not here lol. the first character Kell is definitely an homage to David Gemmell, but this is just an exciting, gritty entertaining read. he uses some pretty cool and unique ideas and just goes balls to the wall with them. If you're tired of reading massive epics and just want to read something that has good writing and an absurd amount of violence, this is your book. I really enjoyed them. there's a lot of fantasy books where it feels like the MC is shackled from using whatever magic system they have to his full ability, and it gets frustrating reading the whole Superman dilemma over and over. sorry, I know im rambling, but I didn't anticipate reviewing this book, I just saw it and threw up my thoughts all over you lol, my bad

[Mark Eyles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Original and thrilling ride! Fun and compulsive reading.

[Mick · Rating 3 out of 5]

Collecting Kell's Legend, Soul Stealers, Vampire Warlords (Clockwork Vampire Chronicles #3).

The basic synopsis: Kell, a retired war hero living in the city of Jalder, is dragged back into action alongside his grandaughter and a disgraced noble when their country is invaded by an army of half-vampire, half-machine montrosities. From then on, there's a lot of horror, death, and gore.

This series is a lot of fun. It's more like Gemmell than Tolkien (the comparisons between Druss and Kell are obvious, and are addressed by Remic in the forward). How much you'll enjoy these books depends a lot on the style of fantasy you prefer. This is gritty heroic fantasy. The heroes are tough, the villains are truly evil, and everyone has blood on their hands (or fangs). I enjoyed the characters, as nasty and unsympathetic as they can be at times (particularly Kell), and found the worldbuilding imaginative and original. The relationships between the various species, such as the Harvesters, Albinos, Blacklippers and Vachine, were well formed and convincing enough. The Vachine - Clockwork Vampires - are an inspired creation.

A few things were problematic. The depiction of female characters was troublesome, and there's an element of Deus Ex Machina introduced in the second and third books which, at the conclusion of the trilogy, seemed to be setting up ideas for a sequel. Aside from these elements, I enjoyed this series tremendously. It's pulp fantasy, yes, but well told and great fun.

[Nathan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel kind of bad for giving this only two stars, because I enjoyed quite a bit of the book. Very neat blending of steam and fantasy, a decent protagonist, convincingly scary bad guys(with escalating scariness). And I don't think anyone grabbing something with a cover like this is looking for depth.

But. But. Stupid amount of sex scenes. Some unconvincing characters such as the daughter who is tough one chapter, jealous school girl in the next. Betrayals happen, but despite big talk betrayers are welcomed back in minutes. Nothing against a high body count, but many of the characters didn't have enough page time for me to care about the big deal of their death.

To rate the three books in the omnibus, 3 stars for a strong starter book, two stars for a who the hell cares middle book, and the ending would get 3.5 if I ignore the daughters random personality changes and horrible sex scenes, but instead gets 2.

Still, probably worth the six dollars the three books cost me.

[Shane Kiely · Rating 4 out of 5]

A bit rough round the edges. The prose is a bit overwritten on occasion. Some dialogue can be a tad bit clunky. Relatively major characters sort of fade out of the narrative without resolution (a major character from the first part/book (it's an omnibus) sort of gets pushed into the background in part/book 2, another one essentially disappears in part/book 3). But it has it's strengths the action is very well written & there's a good pile of it (if you're into that sort of thing). The characters are compelling (though there is the occasional jarring about face in their arcs) & the mythology of the world is unique & interesting (if a little confusing at times). Definite grower.

[Kate · Rating 1 out of 5]

Don't bother reading this book. There is a reason this author had to go with an independent publisher. The writing was stilted and choppy and in some places crude. I had no connection to the lead character. I tried reading the book and went several chapters in but there was no enjoyment and I had to put it in the "no go" pile. I regret the money I spent on it.

[Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Solidly written martial scifi filled with journeys and battles. Keeps you reading. Decent characterization for the genre. Make sure to get the trilogy as the first two end with frustrating cliffhangers.

[Jaq · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is my sort of holiday reading, full of battles, anti heroes and a quest or three. This reminds me of the tales Gemmell used to produce. Swords, sorcery and clockwork vampires - what is there not to love????

[Lotus · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was great. Although reading it back to back really brought the repetitiveness out. But the idea is very unique , with a strong theme and great references about mechanics . This word play was very well thought out :*) & I loved the hint of steampunk.

[Tyler Counsellor · Rating 3 out of 5]

Only made it through the first book. Don't really plan on finishing it. Good ideas what with the clockwork vampires and the Clankers, but it's just written so...mediocre.

[Brandon Landers · Rating 1 out of 5]

Poor character development, interesting story mired in unneeded sex and rape and pointless expletives finished of with atrings of deus ex machinas every few minutes. maybe for some, not for me.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! A wonderful adventure of war and redemption. Cogs, Blood, and Revenge. Could I ask for anything more?

[Eric]

Couldn't finish.

[Calum Maclean · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have to say I struggled with this one, at times I really liked it, but then at other points I thought it was awful. The characters were all developed well and the story moved at a good pace. The interactions between Kell and Saark were simply brilliant and probably the only reason I kept going with the book. What disappointed me most with the book was the language and pornography which I felt was over the top and mostly unnecessary. I really wanted to like and enjoy this book, sadly I wasn't able to.

[Alyssa Macpherson · Rating 1 out of 5]

There are the seeds of interesting ideas here but I simply couldn’t deal with the prose long enough to appreciate them. The author is in desperate need of a better editor and proof readers, to avoid repetitive and clunky sentences (“[he] smiled, a thin lipped smile with white lips” for example), physical inaccuracies (cutting a head nearly off with a rapier), or out of place moments like a character name-dropping the books title.

Did not finish.