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My Mind's Abyss (Suicide Edition)
"That addiction wheel still goes round and round, decade after decade, ad nauseum…at times very reminiscent of the works of The Beats but embodied into a new generation's kinder and gentler Holden Caulfield. Great Kamikazi writing." - W. Lawendowski
"Each chapter told a different story with regard to what point the character was in his life. It told of his rises and falls… but throughout all of this the character was able to provide his own analytical insight and grow from these occurrences. There is also love on a deep level that when something goes wrong, you almost ache inside because of the connection the character describes. The book is very deep and a must read..." - H. Poole
"Not only do you get to delve into another personality, but you also get a glimpse at another life from a different perspective not many of us know."
"A magic carpet ride that ascends to the sky just to let you come crashing down."
"He shares his life and feelings in a way that makes you feel like you know him… It is well written in a way that draws you in and lets you feel his pain."
"Each chapter told a different story with regard to what point the character was in his life. It told of his rises and falls… but throughout all of this the character was able to provide his own analytical insight and grow from these occurrences. There is also love on a deep level that when something goes wrong, you almost ache inside because of the connection the character describes. The book is very deep and a must read..." - H. Poole
"Not only do you get to delve into another personality, but you also get a glimpse at another life from a different perspective not many of us know."
"A magic carpet ride that ascends to the sky just to let you come crashing down."
"He shares his life and feelings in a way that makes you feel like you know him… It is well written in a way that draws you in and lets you feel his pain."
- GenresMemoirNonfictionDrama
240 pages, Paperback
First published September 2, 2013
4 people are currently reading
550 people want to read
About the author
Phil Volatile
9 books50 followersContact- Twitter: @PhilVolatile
Phil Volatile (formerly Volatalistic Phil) is the crap dice hero saint of orphan love who's been slamming into the speed bumps of life since 1985. A former substance use technician who put down the bottle and picked up a pen is now writing books for general amusement. He's still into women, motorcycles, cars, and wasting time.
The lonely tumbleweed of the southwest currently lives in Albuquerque, NM and is as desperate as the desert is for water. If he's not hustling to get by you can find him throwing dice, sitting in a coffee shop, cruising motorcycles or finding some place quiet to write. He rides in the back of an ambulance going around the city. His favorite flavor is peanut butter.
He hopes his words tear through you and infect your soul. Let his wave of angst crash into you and bring you to shore. Caress his body in these pages and rub him against your chest--keeping him close to your heart. He's a lush of endless desire and frustrations and hopelessness. Be gentle as you dig through his embers and ashes.
Phil Volatile (formerly Volatalistic Phil) is the crap dice hero saint of orphan love who's been slamming into the speed bumps of life since 1985. A former substance use technician who put down the bottle and picked up a pen is now writing books for general amusement. He's still into women, motorcycles, cars, and wasting time.
The lonely tumbleweed of the southwest currently lives in Albuquerque, NM and is as desperate as the desert is for water. If he's not hustling to get by you can find him throwing dice, sitting in a coffee shop, cruising motorcycles or finding some place quiet to write. He rides in the back of an ambulance going around the city. His favorite flavor is peanut butter.
He hopes his words tear through you and infect your soul. Let his wave of angst crash into you and bring you to shore. Caress his body in these pages and rub him against your chest--keeping him close to your heart. He's a lush of endless desire and frustrations and hopelessness. Be gentle as you dig through his embers and ashes.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
January 18, 2016
How to describe this book....its a philosophical/spiritual transgressive scrapbook/memoir/study of human behaviour. I reckon that'll do.
If you know somebody suffering from depression or adiction then this is a good place to start to understand what they are going through.
The honesty in the writing reminded me a lot of Bukowski, he didn't sugar-coat what he did, he told it how it was and Phil does the same, you'll find yourself wandering at times why he does the things he does and there is nothing you can do about it.
I described this book as a scrapbook because that's how it felt at times, Phil not being sober meant his writing is jumbled, he can be talking about one thing and then he'll start talking about eggs or famous people born with the same star sign as him. It works though, you get to experience what he was going through.
The best parts for me were when Phil explains how you can experience the feelings of being an alcoholic and also the ending of the book, so very dark and really well written.
If you know somebody suffering from depression or adiction then this is a good place to start to understand what they are going through.
The honesty in the writing reminded me a lot of Bukowski, he didn't sugar-coat what he did, he told it how it was and Phil does the same, you'll find yourself wandering at times why he does the things he does and there is nothing you can do about it.
I described this book as a scrapbook because that's how it felt at times, Phil not being sober meant his writing is jumbled, he can be talking about one thing and then he'll start talking about eggs or famous people born with the same star sign as him. It works though, you get to experience what he was going through.
The best parts for me were when Phil explains how you can experience the feelings of being an alcoholic and also the ending of the book, so very dark and really well written.
December 10, 2013
Usually, I will read a memoir only if the author has created or accomplished something that I consider significant, or if the author lived in a time or a place I find interesting. Volatalistic Phil hasn’t accomplished anything that I’m aware of and he’s from nowhere I’d ever want to go. But V.P. believes that he has a purpose on Earth, and I kept thinking that eventually that purpose would be revealed. But, no. So it’s a frustrating read.
It’s also a difficult read. He jumps from recounting the facts of his life to philosophical musing, self help salvos, hallucinations, fantasies, personal letters & e-mails and back. My favorite non-sequitur occurs when he quotes Aristotle and then, apropos of nothing, ruminates on the fickleness of eggs. It’s anarchy spelling and grammar, and he sometimes uses words incorrectly, which drives me crazy.
V.P’s life history is pretty miserable. His alcoholic father abandons the family, he grows up to be a self-loathing alcoholic himself, and he has a series of failed, dysfunctional relationships. Despite his circumstances, V.P. isn’t really negative. He doesn’t feel victimized. He isn’t a whiner or a navel-gazer. He is interested in other people. Some writers don’t care if nobody ever reads what they’ve written, but V.P. wants to communicate. So maybe writing will become his raison d’etre.
It’s also a difficult read. He jumps from recounting the facts of his life to philosophical musing, self help salvos, hallucinations, fantasies, personal letters & e-mails and back. My favorite non-sequitur occurs when he quotes Aristotle and then, apropos of nothing, ruminates on the fickleness of eggs. It’s anarchy spelling and grammar, and he sometimes uses words incorrectly, which drives me crazy.
V.P’s life history is pretty miserable. His alcoholic father abandons the family, he grows up to be a self-loathing alcoholic himself, and he has a series of failed, dysfunctional relationships. Despite his circumstances, V.P. isn’t really negative. He doesn’t feel victimized. He isn’t a whiner or a navel-gazer. He is interested in other people. Some writers don’t care if nobody ever reads what they’ve written, but V.P. wants to communicate. So maybe writing will become his raison d’etre.
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April 19, 2016 For a long time, almost immediately after publication of My Mind's Abyss, I suppressed this book, limiting all eBook and paperback copies available for it. I did this out of fear, out of shame, maybe for being a writer, maybe for what I've written. I spent almost two years battling with this book, whether to leave it buried or to resurrect it. I lost great amounts of sleep, had panic attacks, felt more lost and more hopeless all because of having written this book. I no longer felt some sense of pride about it, instead it became my scarlet letter.
I wrote My Mind's Abyss while I was in a different place in my life, battling with severe depression, substance abuse withdrawal, and delirium tremens, mixed with what remained of a broken life. Getting clean and sober wasn't exactly the reality I was looking for nor hoping to find. See, the original plan was to commit suicide after writing this book. I was losing it. I couldn't sleep. I felt schizophrenic. I figured that if I killed myself after rushing to publish the book, then by my act of suicide not only would I get peace, but the world would have no choice but to hear what I had to say. I also thought that by doing so I could guarantee some wealth for my family. Maybe it's all just narcissism and vanity.
I wrote My Mind's Abyss while I was in a different place in my life, battling with severe depression, substance abuse withdrawal, and delirium tremens, mixed with what remained of a broken life. Getting clean and sober wasn't exactly the reality I was looking for nor hoping to find. See, the original plan was to commit suicide after writing this book. I was losing it. I couldn't sleep. I felt schizophrenic. I figured that if I killed myself after rushing to publish the book, then by my act of suicide not only would I get peace, but the world would have no choice but to hear what I had to say. I also thought that by doing so I could guarantee some wealth for my family. Maybe it's all just narcissism and vanity.
November 11, 2013
Heartbreaking, and sad to say the least. But nonetheless, I could relate page after page. It was raw, it was honest and it was captivating. I loved how there was no fear to get personal, there was no hiding. I can understand the fear to release this book, I can see how it would be difficult. But I am grateful he decided to let people into his mind. I truly believe this book could be helpful to many. Not only was it a good read but it challenged you to open your mind, and take a different perspective. I don't know why but when I finished this book and put it down all I said was: You have to live until you die". It is not easy to write down your thoughts, your darkest moments, and your fears to share with the world. Thank you for sharing.
November 4, 2014
I have read Phil's poetry collections and was sent a copy of "My Mind's Abyss" as a gift for being a reader of his work. His poetry collection "Scribbles" being his best work. This book had a strong feeling to it.
A mans wit about life and how it tends to spit on you at times. Love, laughter and sad is what "My Mind's Abyss" gives you. All mixed together in kinda a "Go Ask Alice" way. It's not journal entries though just a read that puts truth in black and white.
Some parts of the book, I could relate to. His ex-girlfriend is a crazy bitch with a child. I had one of those in my late teens. Overall it was a readable pleasure.
A mans wit about life and how it tends to spit on you at times. Love, laughter and sad is what "My Mind's Abyss" gives you. All mixed together in kinda a "Go Ask Alice" way. It's not journal entries though just a read that puts truth in black and white.
Some parts of the book, I could relate to. His ex-girlfriend is a crazy bitch with a child. I had one of those in my late teens. Overall it was a readable pleasure.
January 31, 2014
I received this through First Reads Giveaways.
Wow. Just wow. This book really tugged at my soul. At times it hit WAY too close to home. It is just... heartbreaking and ... well... just HEARTBREAKING! A true memoir about how hard life gets sometimes and how hard it is to pull yourself back out of the mud and the muck. I remember when I first read Go Ask Alice in highschool. It touched me, but because I hadn't lived through many of the experiences in the book, it didn't really resonate with me. This book... wow. It resonates to say the least. I can't imagine the strength it must have taken for the author to put this much of himself out into the world.
Wow. Just wow. This book really tugged at my soul. At times it hit WAY too close to home. It is just... heartbreaking and ... well... just HEARTBREAKING! A true memoir about how hard life gets sometimes and how hard it is to pull yourself back out of the mud and the muck. I remember when I first read Go Ask Alice in highschool. It touched me, but because I hadn't lived through many of the experiences in the book, it didn't really resonate with me. This book... wow. It resonates to say the least. I can't imagine the strength it must have taken for the author to put this much of himself out into the world.
October 10, 2013
I absolutely loved this book. I think V Phil had a lot of courage to put this out unedited, even explaining what his plans were after publication. It is a raw, heartwrenching story of addiction and heartbreak. I loved that it was unedited, the "mistakes" made it feel that much more authentic. I can't wait to read more of his work! I'm definitely a fan!!!
October 27, 2013
This book is a very heartbreaking story. You feel like you are in the story and you literally can see everything happening. If you consider this is a real story it breaks your heart that someone had to go through all this pain. One of the saddest books I have read but a good one. I recommend this book to all people.
April 22, 2020
This book was riveting. Kept my attention all the way
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July 22, 2019This was an amazing book. It had depth and literally got you into the author's mind. I would recommend anyone to read this!
October 9, 2013
I thought this book was phenomenal. It pulls you through a range of emotions and forces you to face certain truths. Every chapter is something different so your mind is constantly moving. Highly recommended! Can't wait to read the next from this author.
April 1, 2015
Unique and talented writer, Mr. Volatalistic!
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews