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The (In)Fidelity Factor
A much needed book for those who have a desire to know, and those in the throes of desire re: (in)fidelity in a committed relationship. It includes invaluable information, statistics, commentary, personal stories and surveys for examination. It is an honest, easy, concise read that gets to the crux of the matter, with bits of humor thrown in for good measure. This is a book for everyone. It offers up guidelines to preserve integrity and respect before falling victim to the harmful backlash of infidelity. The purpose is to promote awareness, education and personal accountability. This is your call to action, no matter which side of the fence you find yourself. This is where the change-up begins!
128 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 26, 2012
8 people want to read
About the author
Elda M. Lopez
1 bookElda has been in the muddy trenches of infidelity. She's been cheated on, and has been the "other" woman. She felt this perpetual hot button topic needed to be scrutinized more so - enter: THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat. Having lived it, she understands the emotional stress, pain, anger and resentment that can stem from such indiscretions, as well as the critical familial and financial issues that may arise as a by-product. Not pretty. She wanted to write a book that provided insights and exercises for contemplation that underscored the need to bring this self-defeating behavior into check. She recognizes that the harmful side effects of infidelity have the potential to affect us all. Save face, save time, save money, save energy, by fostering foresight to promote right. Self-gratification and quick fixes are not the answers. She believes the development of the total person can be a tremendous boost toward averting infidelity. She emphasizes the importance of personal accountability (of all parties involved), the need for more effective education and the value of healthy, honest relationships, including the one with yourself. Her goal is to lay new groundwork for progressive thought, and most importantly - action. Bottom line is: Cheating is Defeating!
Elda is a native of Southern California. She was born in Glendale, reared in Lincoln Heights until the age of two and lived in Norwalk thereafter. She left the fold of her loving home at 17, attended Rio Hondo College, studied at the University of Copenhagen, Denmark and graduated from Whittier College with a B.A. in Theatre Arts. She welcomes an exploratory and engaging life. A sampling being: She's parasailed in Puerto Vallarta, zip lined in Costa Rica, skied the Austrian Alps, swam with stingrays in Moorea, frolicked with dolphins in the Caymans and danced onstage with the Gipsy Kings in Aarhus,Denmark. Her love of travel will keep her crawling around this fascinating planet. There's still so much to do! She worked in the entertainment industry for many years in various capacities: dialogue coach, voice-over artist, casting, and has performed on stage, screen and radio. Her primary focus was acting (her first love). She has also taught English in Japan and has tutored Language Arts in the underserved communities within Los Angeles and Orange County. She volunteers for a variety of causes and holds a special place for children's issues. Her joys are reading, dancing, music, socializing, reveling in humor and expanding her horizons externally and internally. She loves, loves, loves flamenco! She currently lives in the Brentwood area of Los Angeles.
Elda is a native of Southern California. She was born in Glendale, reared in Lincoln Heights until the age of two and lived in Norwalk thereafter. She left the fold of her loving home at 17, attended Rio Hondo College, studied at the University of Copenhagen, Denmark and graduated from Whittier College with a B.A. in Theatre Arts. She welcomes an exploratory and engaging life. A sampling being: She's parasailed in Puerto Vallarta, zip lined in Costa Rica, skied the Austrian Alps, swam with stingrays in Moorea, frolicked with dolphins in the Caymans and danced onstage with the Gipsy Kings in Aarhus,Denmark. Her love of travel will keep her crawling around this fascinating planet. There's still so much to do! She worked in the entertainment industry for many years in various capacities: dialogue coach, voice-over artist, casting, and has performed on stage, screen and radio. Her primary focus was acting (her first love). She has also taught English in Japan and has tutored Language Arts in the underserved communities within Los Angeles and Orange County. She volunteers for a variety of causes and holds a special place for children's issues. Her joys are reading, dancing, music, socializing, reveling in humor and expanding her horizons externally and internally. She loves, loves, loves flamenco! She currently lives in the Brentwood area of Los Angeles.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
June 5, 2017
THE (IN)FIDELITY FACTOR: Points to Ponder Before You Cheat by Elda M. Lopez is a beautiful book. It’s a while since I read such an insightful book full of real life examples. The book as the writer pointed out is for people that are in a serious relationship. For people that are going or thinking of going into a serious relationship.
The author in my opinion managed in just 126 pages to describe and define the factors that make people cross the line of fidelity. It presents all the information that someone should know before getting into a serious relationship.
The book starts by defining the basics of what is fidelity and catalogs three types of romantic relationships based only on mere observation. I identified my current relationship in on of the three, and it helped me get into the frame of where I am heading too.
It gives a plethora of examples from the animal kingdom that establish a monogamous relationship. Did not know that Wolves were monogamous. Also, she mentions other instances both animal and human tribes that practice polygamy or free sex and they are mostly matriarchs in nature.
The Second Chapter I found amazing because it tackles the marriage issue and also that the two magic words I DO that are said in a wedding ceremony are not just words. The author manages to present the importance of them and the gravity of the whole situation. I liked the presentation of the possible thoughts that people have when they are getting married, and they are not ready to commit. It emphasizes the reality which is that marriage is a serious business is for life and if you are not 100% sure then the best thing to do is not to commit.
Also is you are going to get married do it for you. Don’t do it to satisfy the needs and wants of other people.
Chapter three presents three practical scenarios that all start well and then shows how it will go terribly wrong. It covers a lot of possibilities, and it’s really an educational chapter that I enjoyed. The main thing I got out of this chapter is that communication is king in a relationship.
The forth chapter are answers from both men and women on four fundamental questions about fidelity. It is interesting to see the replies of these men and females. Their replies is a microcosm of the society we live in. You see how they perceive and interpreter fidelity and cheating. I am sure that a lot of you like me will agree and disagree with the answers.
Chapter five is some true stories of how people dealt with fidelity and how they succeed and also how they failed. You can derive some useful conclusions from these stories, I found them intriguing and educating.
Chapter six presents and analyzes the Emotional cheating. Just because you are not physically having sex with another person. That doesn’t mean you are not cheating on your partner. Also, various examples illustrate of how cheating can lead into more trouble than you had in the first place.
Chapter seven is a statistic heaven about divorce in the USA. If you are into statistics, then this chapter is for you. Also this section of the book presents, data and info about laws governing divorce and cheating in different states of the country. This chapter also analyses and presents a pragmatic aftermath of a divorce; it shows you in economic terms how much cost for a couple to get a divorce. It was enlightening because most people assume that divorce is a simple procedure, but the after effects, both emotional and physical are something to consider.
The statistics shows the physical harm kids go through when caught between a divorced couple.
Chapter eight is the authors own personal story with fidelity, and it’s a nice touch as it allow you to connect more with the author and also further understand the reasons she wrote the book. It was a nice touch, and I am glad that even after her divorce she saw it as an advantage since the time off away from her ex allowed her to spend some valuable time with her mother.
The final chapter is an excellent chapter. It shows you how to learn from your mistakes and be able to right them. To be able to become a better person. It gives advises of how to deal with various problems and also provides a basic algorithm of what to do to improve your communication skills. IT advocates that men and women are not enemies but partners in life and we should work together and not against each other.
As I was reading this book, I had parallel thoughts and saw similarities between smoking (nicotine addiction) and cheating. They are both bad for your health, both psychological and emotional. They both cost you a lot of money, and finally, they both do not make you a better person. So I agree with he author that Cheating is Defeating. I know that quit smoking was one of the best things that I ever did in my life. I was never a cheater in any of my relationships because well that’s how I am I guess. This book helped me understand myself even more of how I function in a relationship.
My suggestion is to buy and read this book; you should see it as an investment for your current or future relationship. One that will help you grow emotionally in your relationship. One that will save you a lot of money in the future.
Highly Recommended.
I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
The author in my opinion managed in just 126 pages to describe and define the factors that make people cross the line of fidelity. It presents all the information that someone should know before getting into a serious relationship.
The book starts by defining the basics of what is fidelity and catalogs three types of romantic relationships based only on mere observation. I identified my current relationship in on of the three, and it helped me get into the frame of where I am heading too.
It gives a plethora of examples from the animal kingdom that establish a monogamous relationship. Did not know that Wolves were monogamous. Also, she mentions other instances both animal and human tribes that practice polygamy or free sex and they are mostly matriarchs in nature.
The Second Chapter I found amazing because it tackles the marriage issue and also that the two magic words I DO that are said in a wedding ceremony are not just words. The author manages to present the importance of them and the gravity of the whole situation. I liked the presentation of the possible thoughts that people have when they are getting married, and they are not ready to commit. It emphasizes the reality which is that marriage is a serious business is for life and if you are not 100% sure then the best thing to do is not to commit.
Also is you are going to get married do it for you. Don’t do it to satisfy the needs and wants of other people.
Chapter three presents three practical scenarios that all start well and then shows how it will go terribly wrong. It covers a lot of possibilities, and it’s really an educational chapter that I enjoyed. The main thing I got out of this chapter is that communication is king in a relationship.
The forth chapter are answers from both men and women on four fundamental questions about fidelity. It is interesting to see the replies of these men and females. Their replies is a microcosm of the society we live in. You see how they perceive and interpreter fidelity and cheating. I am sure that a lot of you like me will agree and disagree with the answers.
Chapter five is some true stories of how people dealt with fidelity and how they succeed and also how they failed. You can derive some useful conclusions from these stories, I found them intriguing and educating.
Chapter six presents and analyzes the Emotional cheating. Just because you are not physically having sex with another person. That doesn’t mean you are not cheating on your partner. Also, various examples illustrate of how cheating can lead into more trouble than you had in the first place.
Chapter seven is a statistic heaven about divorce in the USA. If you are into statistics, then this chapter is for you. Also this section of the book presents, data and info about laws governing divorce and cheating in different states of the country. This chapter also analyses and presents a pragmatic aftermath of a divorce; it shows you in economic terms how much cost for a couple to get a divorce. It was enlightening because most people assume that divorce is a simple procedure, but the after effects, both emotional and physical are something to consider.
The statistics shows the physical harm kids go through when caught between a divorced couple.
Chapter eight is the authors own personal story with fidelity, and it’s a nice touch as it allow you to connect more with the author and also further understand the reasons she wrote the book. It was a nice touch, and I am glad that even after her divorce she saw it as an advantage since the time off away from her ex allowed her to spend some valuable time with her mother.
The final chapter is an excellent chapter. It shows you how to learn from your mistakes and be able to right them. To be able to become a better person. It gives advises of how to deal with various problems and also provides a basic algorithm of what to do to improve your communication skills. IT advocates that men and women are not enemies but partners in life and we should work together and not against each other.
As I was reading this book, I had parallel thoughts and saw similarities between smoking (nicotine addiction) and cheating. They are both bad for your health, both psychological and emotional. They both cost you a lot of money, and finally, they both do not make you a better person. So I agree with he author that Cheating is Defeating. I know that quit smoking was one of the best things that I ever did in my life. I was never a cheater in any of my relationships because well that’s how I am I guess. This book helped me understand myself even more of how I function in a relationship.
My suggestion is to buy and read this book; you should see it as an investment for your current or future relationship. One that will help you grow emotionally in your relationship. One that will save you a lot of money in the future.
Highly Recommended.
I received a complimentary copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.
September 9, 2013
The subtitle, “points to ponder before you cheat,” says it all. Although the author doesn’t appear to have any special credentials in this subject area (psychologist, sociologist, etc), she makes a good case for why people cheat, what the repercussions are, and the alternative reactions to the root cause. If the goal is to get the reader to think before jumping, which I think it is based on the “ponder” in the subtitle, then it might do the trick.
Much of the author’s case is based on anecdotal evidence, largely stories (both her own and others) and surveys (although those done by the author were with small samples, they did help illustrate her points). Were this purely anecdotal I’d think it had done a good job. Readers could use common sense, compare their own experience and observation to Lopez’s conclusions, and quite possibly agree with them.
However, she didn’t. And that’s where I have some concerns. To bolster some of the contentions the author quoted various studies and surveys. This added some real numbers and authority, which is a good thing. These facts are too often not sourced. If I don’t know anything about where the numbers came from, there is no way to evaluate their accuracy, relevance, or the author’s interpretation. And some of these numbers made me want to dig deeper. I’ll give a couple examples.
The author is making the case that children from broken homes suffer repercussions. Several things are mentioned in a section with the subheading of “Other Crucial Statistics.” First, she says that the possibility of suicide is doubled for children from broken homes compared to non-broken homes.” I’m willing to believe this statistic is true, but would like to know more about the study it came from. Based on what we’re given I’m not sure that it shows what it appears to be intended to show (that cheating, if it leads to a divorce as it often does, doubles the odds of your children committing suicide). There are some potential problems with that interpretation. The main one is that correlation doesn’t prove causation. Another possible interpretation would be that mental health issues often have genetic roots. Perhaps parents more prone to mental health problems are also more likely to divorce (while also passing those genes onto their offspring who are going to be more prone to suicide). Or possibly not. From this statistic, we can’t tell.
Later in the same section I found this:
In case of children belonging to fatherless homes:
o 85 percent have behavioral disorders
o 90 percent are homeless and runaway children
o 63 percent commit youth suicide
I saw this and my BS meter went off the scale. Either these statistics are being misquoted, there are relevant facts being left out (maybe other factors in the study besides these children being from fatherless homes), or all the people I know who grew up in a “fatherless home” did much better than the average.
I think much of what the author has to say is relevant and her high level conclusions are correct, so I’d be inclined to recommend reading this book if you’re in its target audience, but I’m torn. If you promise to take the statistics with a ton of salt, I’d say go for it. However, if you can’t do that, maybe you’d be better trying to find an alternative to convince you that cheating isn’t the way to go.
**Originally written for "Books and Pals" book blog. May have received a free review copy. **
Much of the author’s case is based on anecdotal evidence, largely stories (both her own and others) and surveys (although those done by the author were with small samples, they did help illustrate her points). Were this purely anecdotal I’d think it had done a good job. Readers could use common sense, compare their own experience and observation to Lopez’s conclusions, and quite possibly agree with them.
However, she didn’t. And that’s where I have some concerns. To bolster some of the contentions the author quoted various studies and surveys. This added some real numbers and authority, which is a good thing. These facts are too often not sourced. If I don’t know anything about where the numbers came from, there is no way to evaluate their accuracy, relevance, or the author’s interpretation. And some of these numbers made me want to dig deeper. I’ll give a couple examples.
The author is making the case that children from broken homes suffer repercussions. Several things are mentioned in a section with the subheading of “Other Crucial Statistics.” First, she says that the possibility of suicide is doubled for children from broken homes compared to non-broken homes.” I’m willing to believe this statistic is true, but would like to know more about the study it came from. Based on what we’re given I’m not sure that it shows what it appears to be intended to show (that cheating, if it leads to a divorce as it often does, doubles the odds of your children committing suicide). There are some potential problems with that interpretation. The main one is that correlation doesn’t prove causation. Another possible interpretation would be that mental health issues often have genetic roots. Perhaps parents more prone to mental health problems are also more likely to divorce (while also passing those genes onto their offspring who are going to be more prone to suicide). Or possibly not. From this statistic, we can’t tell.
Later in the same section I found this:
In case of children belonging to fatherless homes:
o 85 percent have behavioral disorders
o 90 percent are homeless and runaway children
o 63 percent commit youth suicide
I saw this and my BS meter went off the scale. Either these statistics are being misquoted, there are relevant facts being left out (maybe other factors in the study besides these children being from fatherless homes), or all the people I know who grew up in a “fatherless home” did much better than the average.
I think much of what the author has to say is relevant and her high level conclusions are correct, so I’d be inclined to recommend reading this book if you’re in its target audience, but I’m torn. If you promise to take the statistics with a ton of salt, I’d say go for it. However, if you can’t do that, maybe you’d be better trying to find an alternative to convince you that cheating isn’t the way to go.
**Originally written for "Books and Pals" book blog. May have received a free review copy. **
October 23, 2016
Ms. Lopez has written a very insightful and useful guide that anyone who has ever cheated, is thinking about cheating, or believes their partner is cheating should read. I learned some interesting tips about how to approach relationships, how to open the lines of communication and develop more meaningful and lasting relationships. I appreciate her sense of humor, because I believe we need to laugh even in the most trying of times. I am not a subscriber to the happily-ever-after theory of till-death-do-us-part relationships. Yes, they do exist, but in today’s society they are increasingly rare. Ms. Lopez’ book offers insights that could help change that trend. Overall, a fantastic resource for anyone in or out of a relationship, but who might be considering it in the future. I will definitely be gifting this book to a few of my friends.
August 24, 2016
I was very curious about this little book (110 pages) and that curiosity was richly rewarded. Elda Lopez starts by pointing out some obvious and maybe some obscure observations. She moves on to the answers of questions queried by her to both males and females, then on to some amazing statistics. The next section is on actual accounts of infidelity by a male and a female, then on to Elda's own admissions. She summarizes, by suggesting ways for us to improve as individuals which in turn will improve our relationships and our lives. There is simply a lot of good stuff in here for everyone, delivered in a clear voice with little bits of humor thrown in for good measure.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews