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326 pages, Hardcover
First published May 6, 2014
“Daddy, no!” I shouted.Meet Eros, the Greek Goddess of Love. She never stops fucking wailing. This is one of the worst books based on Greek mythology that I've ever read. To make matters worse, it's told from THREE POVs.
“They’re going to kill him!” I wailed, desperate.
“Nooooo!” I wailed.


Orion was my soul mate. Orion, who had bedded Eos and dallied with Artemis and gotten himself killed by her and her awful brother, Apollo. Orion, the notorious egomaniac, the most reckless thrill seeker who’d ever lived, a mortal I was still getting to know. He was, in many ways, my polar opposite, but he was my one and only home.The Ancient Greek goddess of love, Eros, has fallen in love with Orion (as in the constellation dude) after a few months. He is her sooooooooul maaaaaate, man. No matter what anyone else says about him, dude, Eros knows that he is THE ONE, man!
“I’d rather die than live without you.”And BOOM! Daddy Ares (the god of war) appears. Orion shits his pants, because, well, hello? You don't fuck around with an angry father, and you particularly don't fuck around with an angry father who IS THE GOD OF WAR.
A deafening crack of thunder shook the ground beneath our feet, sending us staggering together into the nearest tree trunk.(DADDY! NO!!!!!! Eros wails)
“How dare you debauch my daughter?” he growled in Orion’s ear. “I should tear your head from your feeble, mortal body right here.”

With a bow in my hands I never failed. With a bow in my hands I was the purest version of myself. I pulled back and let fly. The hunting arrow zipped through the air, headed directly for its target. Headed for my father’s heart.She shoots her dad. To protect her boyfriend. Of six months. Such a filial thing to do.
“You will be banished to Earth without your powers. You will be, essentially, a mortal. You will then prove your worth to me by forming true love between three couples with no godly tricks up your sleeve,” Zeus continued. “Only then will you be allowed to return to Mount Olympus.”Simple, right?! I mean, Eros has only been watching humans and making them fall in love for thousands of years. How hard can this be?!
At the very top of the page in front of me was a space for my name and my birth date, which had been left blank. At least the king had given me that, the chance to choose my own name.Um. Ok, True.
I stared out the window and considered, then picked up a pen and wrote it in. True Olympia.
“Do any of you have girlfriends?” she asked.Ok, it's fine. It's her first day in school. Eros, aka True has been watching humans for thousands of years. Surely she can blend in with them, you know, dress like how they dress.
Josh’s jaw fell open. Brian laughed.
Everyone gaped at her. She didn’t seem to notice. Instead she looked at me. “What about you? What’s your name? Do you have a girlfriend?”
She was wearing a white sweatshirt about ten sizes too big and pink shorts that showed almost every inch of perfect leg. But craziest were the brand-new, shiny, red-and-purple cowboy boots. Which I think she was wearing with no socks.Um, well. I'm sure that's fashionable in some parts of the world. It's fine, whatever her name, whatever she chooses to wear, as long as she's got her eyes on the prize. As long as she's got a subtle way of fulfilling her mission that's not going to draw any attention whatsoever.
“I’m going to find you a girlfriend,” I repeated, taking another swig of iced tea. “I’m really good at matching up couples. It’s a special talent of mine.”Fine, that's just, like, the second day of school or whatever. Just give her some time! Eros is smart, she'll surely use her millenium of experience to match couples up.
Veronica rolled her eyes. “Who is this freak?” she whispered to Josh.
“Another setup?” I whispered.WHATEVER. Just as long as she blends in as a high schooler. She'll fulfil the mission eventually.
“Yes! You said you wanted to find love! I’m finding it for you!” True exclaimed.
“With a girl who doesn’t speak?”
“Who the hell do you think you are?” I shouted.Needless to say...
I grabbed the tiny device from his hand and hurled it as hard as I could toward the street. Unfortunately, with my weakened human muscles, that wasn’t very far. Still, it did crack in a satisfying way against the concrete and shatter into a half-dozen pieces.
“What the hell? This bitch is crazy!”
This was a nightmare.-_-
Clearly, I couldn’t make one match without my powers, let alone three. I was never going to get this right. Never.
Orion was doomed.
“Lmee ’lone,” she muttered. Her breath smelled like rotten grapes. I maneuvered her back onto the mattress and flung the covers over her legs. Her hair was matted in places, and puddles of drool marred one pillow.That...thing, ladies and gentleman, is Aphrodite, Goddess of Love. This book gives us the most one-dimensional portrayal of Greek gods and goddesses that I've ever encountered. Zeus is pockmarked. Ares is petty and only seeks to curry favor. Aphrodite is a drunken slop of a mess when she doesn't get what she wants. One of the most powerful goddessses in the Pantheon, and she's a wreck when she's on earth. Aphrodite does nothing but drink herself into oblivion. She sobs. She wails. She screeches.
I leaned forward, horrified. Was that a pimple on my chin?*waaaaaaaaaaails
“No!” I cried, the tears flowing freely now. “This was not part of our deal! No one said I was going to deteriorate!” Back home, my skin had never been marred by anything—not a blemish, not a wrinkle, not a scar, and certainly not this awful burning sensation. I was simply beautiful, every moment of every day and night.
I was a goddess, for Zeus’s sake! There wasn’t a human on Earth who could touch my beauty.
It was me on vomit day, wearing the band jacket over the long, gauzy dress and jeans Then me in my overalls on Wednesday, that itchy plaid vest I’d sported on Thursday, and finally the purple sweatpants and striped shirt I’d worn on Friday.Despite watching humans, she doesn't know how to blend in at all. She steals. Everything. A scarf.
We passed by an open bag on a chair and I saw a pretty plaid scarf peeking out from inside. I grabbed it and tied my hair back from my cheeks.A pair of sunglasses.
I looked her up and down through the silver-framed sunglasses I’d taken from an open locker.Other people's food.
That iced tea looked good. Refreshing. I picked up the bottle and gulped down half of it. Charlie stared. I placed it down and sighed. My head throbbed a bit more dully.And she steals food from EVERYONE. This is the new girl in school we're talking about.
“Um, that was mine,” Charlie said.
“What is with everyone and this mine thing?” I asked.
She leaned away from me, sliding wary eyes in my direction. I picked up one of the doughy sticks, dipped it in the vat of maple syrup I’d been provided, and took a bite.Are you fucking telling me you don't know how people behave after watching them all this time? Are you fucking telling me that you don't know how to tell personalities despite having matched people up and observing them for thousands of years. Are you telling me you don't know how to blend in as a NORMAL person and keep attention from yourself?
I reached past a tiny girl with blond curls and took a carton of milk and a brown roll.Are you telling me that a Greek goddess who's such a judgmental asshole who calls EVERY GIRL SHE DOESN'T LIKE A BITCH is such a terrible judge of character?
“You’re cutting the line,” she said.
“Get over it,” I snapped.
After shadowing Veronica this morning, I was certain of one thing: The girl was a two-faced bitch.Are you telling me that a Greek goddess of love can be such a woman-hater?
The honors English teacher looked like a Hun and had the personality to match. You’d think she’d be happier, considering she was sporting a gold wedding band and had a picture of herself and her handsome husband framed on her desk. People around here obviously took true love for granted. I would have liked to have seen how she would behave if she’d had that big hunk of masculinity ripped away from her for the gods knew how long. Maybe it would soften her a touch.The Romance: I have to stop. I have a headache. I can't even go on about the fucking mess that is the OTHER romance in this book. Hint: it's about a girl who is
...bogglingly beautiful. So clearly clueless to it. So obviously sweet and shy and vulnerable."...And...
..."Not-Justin-Bieber was standing there, holding my books out to me in a neat stack. Except up close he looked nothing like Justin Bieber. His cheeks were more square and his eyes very, very blue. He was hotter than Justin Bieber. By a lot."Die, book.

