The Restless Heart: Finding Our Spiritual Home in Times of Loneliness

by Ronald Rolheiser

A thoughtful exploration of loneliness, in the tradition of Henri Nouwen's classic Reaching Out . Loneliness may be more pervasive now than at any other time in human history. Cell phones and "instant messaging" not withstanding, our longing for meaningful connections seems to increase in direct proportion to our accessibility.

In The Restless Heart , Ronald Rolheiser identifies different types of loneliness and discusses the dangers and opportunities they represent in our lives. Using contemporary parables from literature, film, and his own life, he shows that loneliness can be a tremendously creative and even valuable force when it is recognized, accepted and used as a dynamic catalyst. With his trademark clarity of vision, honesty, and intelligence, Rolheiser offers a distinctively Christian approach to living an examined, involved life and presents suggestions that will free readers to discover greater meaning and fulfillment in their own lives.

Genres: Spirituality, Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Religion, Catholic, Theology

208 pages, Paperback

First published May 18, 2004

About the author

OMI

Reviews

[Irene · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this early book, Fr. Ronald Rolheiser, a popular spiritual author, argues that a sense of social, emotional and existential loneliness is a basic human condition which has been exacerbated by several contemporary cultural trends. Despite its discomfort, he argues that loneliness is a gift from God that pulls us beyond ourselves, into community, into a deeper relationship with God and into a fuller embrace of our human identity. Although I appreciate Rolheiser’s insights, I find his writing style a bit too repetitive. 3.75 stars

[Hope Dobson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Taking 2 months to read this book was thoughtful.
Although our hearts and self long for the cure for loneliness, it seems as though we may never truly find it on this side of heaven.
But, while this book has taught me to long for wholeness with Him, it also helped me to see through my current state of loneliness and to the peace, quiet, and desire in my heart to be with my father.
How sweet to find a home in times of loneliness.

Highly, HIGHLY, recommend for anyone seeking a friend, understanding, or words to put to their time of loneliness. It has done that and so much more for me.

[Joaquin Mejia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ronald Rolheiser's The Restless Heart is a book on loneliness from a Christian perspective. It looks at loneliness through the lenses of many different disciplines and fields. The author draws from spirituality, theology, sociology, history, theology, and cinema to examine the phenomenon of being lonely in our world. The book is short but the wide range of specializations that the writer draws from makes his examination of the issue greatly rich and profound.

My personal favorite chapter in this book was the portion concerning how different Christian theologians examined the problem of loneliness. The theologians that were discussed in the chapter were St. Augustine, St. Thomas Aquinas, St. John of the Cross, and Karl Rahner. From what I know Karl Rahner would be considered the "most modern" out of them because he was one of the theologians that were prominent in the Second Vatican Council that happened in the 1960's while the others would be considered as having lived during the Early Christian period up to the Middle Ages. However, what they all had in common was that they all lived before the dawn of computers, smartphones, and social media. I have always observed that there is a tendency to idealize the past because there seem to be people who wrongfully attribute loneliness to people always looking at gadgets. The book showed that thinkers and philosophers have been tackling loneliness throughout history. The world has indeed changed in many ways ever since the times of those people but we can still learn immensely from their writings and musings on being lonely.

I honestly wish I read this earlier because I have been reflecting on the loneliness in my own life for quite some time already. I made this Goodreads account during my early high school years because I felt lonely because nobody seemed to love reading books as much as I did. The problem still persists now that I am in college. I think this book would have really helped me as a lonely teenager but I am not sure if I would have been able to share it with anyone I spoke to in person.

I think I will return to snippets of this wonderful book again and again as the days go by. I enjoyed reading this wonderfully profound book. It gave me great consolation.

[Laney Dugan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rolheiser is such a down-to-earth, honest yet challenging writer and I appreciate this work so much. This book did not disappoint and is a resource I will come back to quite often — both for myself and for others experiencing loneliness and the insufficiency of life this side of eternity. There were two or three sentences or paragraphs that seemed a little theologically weird or that I didn’t agree with, but I’d still 10/10 recommend this book!

[Inder · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't actually read this book. I'm trying to come to terms with books I can not finish. This is one of them. I barely made it through the first two chapters. I found the author's condescending attitude towards modernity (and young people) and his insanely broad generalizations about our societal problems (read: the problems of a select group of affluent white people in the suburbs) to be absolutely insufferable, and I could go no further. Normally, I'll suffer through a book so that I can say I gave it a chance, but I'm realizing, this is a waste of my time. So this one's going into my to-sell pile.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read! I've read another book by Rolheiser and he is a great writer. I have taken a lot of what he has said to heart.

[Darmaila Wati · Rating 4 out of 5]

I get restfull after reading this book.

[Liz Kahle · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who has experienced "restlessness" and a deep feeling and experience of being uprooted, I was drawn to the subtitle - "Finding Our Spiritual Home in Times of Loneliness." As a counselor, I also sit with many stories of loneliness among people of different walks of life. Ronald Rolheiser does a beautiful job of getting to the roots of a shared human experience of loneliness, including loneliness caused by sin, the normative transitory nature in life, and the loneliness that comes from the nature of being human. I appreciate the normalizing of loneliness while revealing the dangers - both hidden and the more overt dangers as an invitation to encourage readers to dig deeper into their unique experience with loneliness in order to listen well to their story while moving to a deeper connection with God, the "self" and within community.

[Paige Sagach · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Loneliness is one of the most potent forces inside of us. This reality is important to recognize since, unless it is dealt with, it can easily become a subconscious tyrant, ruling our lives.”

Ronald Rolheiser makes a case, leaning on voices from Christian history and the scripture, that loneliness is not the great evil we imagine. It is a force that can lead us to the true source of life, or if ignored and despised, can lead to great despair.

I loved the conclusion of this book.

[Nate · Rating 4 out of 5]

Compelling insight into how the restlessness we feel in our day to day life is by God's design. We are lonely in this pilgrimage on earth until our ultimate destiny when we are with him again. While on earth, we can live by St. Augustine's words, “Thou hast made us for thyself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it finds its rest in thee.” Find rest in the Lord by doing His Will, reading His Word, prayer, charity, and community.

[Carlos De La Rosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

brilliant book

What a remarkable work on such a potentially painful and difficult journey that many people face. Rolheiser is a master of leading one deeper into challenging mysteries and this is one book that is a must read for all people who are tired of running from their loneliness and want to embrace it in a healthy way.

[Jaime Barriga · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great breakdown of the catchall term "loneliness." This word can refer to

1. Alienation (estrangement from others)
2. Restlessness (dissatisfaction)
3. Fantasy (failure to see/understand the truth)
4. Rootlessness (too much change)
5. Psychological Depression (the blues)

Provides great things to think about for each of these.

[Cathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was my Lenten book this year. Somewhat dry, and a little long - but found some nuggets within. Great season for this book - Lent during CoVid.

[Luke Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thoughtful read that helps make sense of our ache for connection while offering hopeful responses to it — something we could all probably use right now.

[Erin Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5*

[Gilbert Maldonado · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mature Christianity

A great read for mature Christians. If you fit this description, this book is for you. You won’t be disappointed.

[Bradley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the second Rolheiser book I've read. I've enjoyed them both. His Holy Longing is somewhat of a classic. This one may not be quite as well written. Apparently it was a very early work and at times it seems slightly less fully orbed. But considering that he wrote it as a young man, it still holds a lot of wisdom.

The book is about loneliness, and you can sense that Rolheiser was writing out of his own experience and search for meaning. I read the book as well during a time of deep loneliness. There were times it was a little too painful to read. When one is lonely, reading about loneliness can reinforce a feeling that isn't sought. I could better use a good laugh than soak in the melancholy. But, with a little distance, the exercise of thinking about our loneliness is important, and realizing that everyone experiences it, that it isn't really a feeling that ever goes away completely in this life. Rolheiser does a good job of pointing us toward meaning and avoiding the pitfalls of loneliness which can be literal dead-ends when left without the tools to manage it and learn from it. I'll keep this one around, just in case.

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book. I think it is one everyone should try to read at least once.
Rolheiser seems to write the book almost in the form of a journey of faith. The first part defines loneliness in the secular terms: what is; its dangers; and the various types of loneliness. The second part brings it in to a matter of faith: how it is found in scripture and some theologians writings.
He shows how loneliness is always with us that it is the cry of the heart for God. We read how we can transform our loneliness from a stumbling block to a stepping stone. It is realistic and thought provoking. He doesn't claim to know all the answers or have the ability to cure our restless hearts. That is left up to our choice. This book helps to bring those choices into a sharper focus.

[Mark Fredericksen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is one of the more exceptional books I've read. Rolheiser does a thoughtful and well laid out definition of the different forms of loneliness. He then proceeds to break down solidly-done Christian theological solutions to the universal problem of loneliness. The closing chapters that try to tackle more pragmatic approaches to one's own loneliness make this one of the more useful theological studies I have come across. It is probably most appropriate for the more introverted spiritual types, but all will benefit from Rolheiser's lens into loneliness.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is about loneliness. Great, you think, I know. But it is in fact great. I ended up reading the whole book in one day, cover to cover (about 170 pages). Having read 'soul' literature that steers clear of being overtly biblical (which has its place too) I especially liked the chapters on OT, NT and theologians' take on it, and how it is a positive thing, that it reflects our God-given search for wholeness and peace.
I recommend this book highly.

[Melvyn Foo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Despite being repetitive at times, this treatise on loneliness contains substantive wisdom. It is the kind of book that you can always glean some new insight and deeper understanding of self regardless of how many times you re-read it. It systematically categorises and addresses the various types of loneliness; though it risks over-including defining every kind of struggle as a 'type' of loneliness.

[Diane Odermann · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very good book on loneliness. It is thought provoking. It's a book I enjoyed reading slow so I could think about what the author was wanting us to understand. There is so much truth in what he says and actually can calm our fears about an issue in life that is meant to be for our good. Unfortunately, too often we run from the thing that's meant for our good.

[Nick · Rating 4 out of 5]

This short book by Ronald Rolheiser references popular books and movies as well as the Judeo-Christian faith tradition and scriptures to define loneliness and explore the causes, harms and rewards of loneliness.

[Patti Clement · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great book by one of my favorite spiritual writers! This book really helped me to name how I and most people run from the thing that I/we most desire which is the intimate relationship with our Triune God.

[Kelly Livesay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed me. You can read about it here:

http://aronetworking.com/2010/07/epip...

[Maureen · Rating 3 out of 5]

a bit heavy but enjoyed it

[Donald Clymer · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent treatise on loneliness that plagues US American culture.

[Albert Hong · Rating 2 out of 5]

didn't finish this one either. felt like it was not as mature as his other stuff.

[James Puglisi]

Well written work that digs deep into the sources of loneliness and faith.