True North: The Shocking Truth about "Yours, Mine and Ours"

by Tom North

Alternate Cover Edition for 9780615416373.

Tom North is one of the eight North children, who together with the ten Beardsley children, became the family which was featured in the 1968 film, “Yours, Mine and Ours” starring Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda, and again in the 2005 version starring Rene Russo and Dennis Quaid.

The book begins in the 1950s on Whidbey Island, Washington, where Tom’s mother, Helen North, became a widow when she was just 30 years old and pregnant with her eighth child. Tom was six years old, the fourth child in the North family. Not long after, Helen North met and married Frank Beardsley, a man with 10 children, and she moved her family to his house in Carmel, California.

The North children were adopted and their names were changed to Beardsley. But, it wasn’t one big happy family as the movie depicted. The stepfather’s violence, abuse, and even sexual abuse created a life of intimidation, confusion, turmoil, fear and depression for the North children. All hope seemed lost as Tom realized that he was caught in a prison and there was no way out. When he finally left home, he traveled on a journey of survival, self-discovery, and healing.

Years later, Tom miraculously led his family in counseling sessions where shocking truths were revealed. He then came full circle as he reclaimed his father’s name and was finally, True North.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Autobiography, Abuse

356 pages, Paperback

First published July 15, 2013

Reviews

[Marcy Goodfleisch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tom North's book will resonate with anyone who has experienced child abuse or serious dysfunction in their family life. The book takes us into the actual household of the blended family Helen North (Tom's mother) and Frank Beardsley created when they married about a year after each was widowed.

North has peeled away the veneer of 'one big happy family' seen in the movie, "Yours, Mine and Ours" in 1968 and exposed his true story of living with the violence, fear and abuse inflicted on the household by his stepfather, Frank Beardsley. But more than that, North takes the reader through his personal journey of escape, self-realization and spiritual healing. North is a good storyteller, and his book keeps the reader turning the page, but also offers food for thought and insight into recovering from the pain of an abusive childhood.

[Jennifer · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this book through a Goodreads Firstreads giveaway (and was pleased to receive a personalized signed copy!)

Actual rating 2.5 stars.

I learned today that "Grammar Pedantry Syndrome" is a form of OCD which causes you to feel the need to correct every grammatical error you see. I think maybe I suffer from this because I desperately wanted to take a red pen to this book and send it back edited (except that I want to keep my signed copy! Ha.). This book seems to be self-published and I think it could really have used the help of a professional editor. There was at least one its/it's error and one your/you're error, and the rampant misuse of commas and semicolons was super distracting (for me at least). Maybe someone who doesn't have "GPS" might be able to look past these issues and enjoy the story but for me they really got in the way.

The story is also a little disjointed and jerky, and that's another area where I think a professional editor could have helped. The potential is really there and with a little polishing this could be a well-done memoir.

I also think the title, or at least the sub-title, is a little misleading. It's billed as "the shocking truth behind the movie" but in reality that shocking truth isn't really delved into in the story very much. It's more admitted-to and then the rest of the book is all about how Tom North dealt with - in both negative and then positive fashion - the abuse he endured. His descent into drug addiction, then his recovery from that, trip to Alaska, and eventual therapy with his family members are actually really interesting.

Then there's the 1/3-plus of the book that reads kind of like an infomercial for transcendental meditation. It is interesting that he was able to heal through this, and it is obviously extremely important to him but I think because of that he gives it heavier treatment in the book than it really needed.

This may seem like a lot of criticism. However I did actually find the story interesting and if you're into "true Hollywood stories" (and can ignore some shaky writing) then give this one a go.

[Kirsten Lenius · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

In 1968, a movie called Yours, Mine and Ours was released. It starred Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda and was based on the story of a widow and widower who married and combined their families and who had a total of eighteen children between them at the time of their marriage. The movie showed an idyllic, though chaotic and hectic family life and many people fell in love with the idea of it, myself included. The idea of a large family that cared for each other was enchanting, of course.

As with many things in life, the story that we saw on the screen did not reflect what happened in real life. One of the oldest of the children, Tom North has stepped forward to tell what life was really like in the combined Beardsley and North household and how it affected him and all his siblings, natural and acquired.

Parts of the story are shocking and sad, parts are simply to be expected as a result of the situations that occurred and the fact that the treatment of depression, including the postpartum variety was so much less understood at the time.

This story tells us about emotional, physical and sexual abuse and about clear child neglect that wouldn't be tolerated by today's standards. It deals with drug and alcohol use and abuse and other emotional baggage that was the result of dealing with the dysfunctional relationships.

This story also shows us a man who made it through all that and found a path for himself to heal and to grow and to continue to help and support his siblings.

I found it to be both sad and comforting and wish the best for all concerned. My thanks to the author for sharing the story.

[Jo-Ann Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fascinating and thoroughly enjoyable read. While in the beginning of the book there is some reference to the abuse suffered in the Beardsley family, the book is really about Tom North's journey, education and healing. He has led a very diverse and interesting life, learning from his mistakes and changing the pattern of abuse he lived for many years rather than perpetuating them.

[Mnrebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whether you're a fan, friend, pop culturist, sociologist, or fellow traveler, Tom North's True North: The Shocking Truth about "Yours, Mine and Ours," proves a convincing and compelling read. An autobiography describing North's recovery from the abusive, incestuous, malnourished and neglectful household of the celebrated Carmel family, the book also provides an absorbing look at baby-boomer childhood in a semi-rural, hippie-riddled community of suburban California.

Fans will enjoy the fleshed-out stories about life and death with Dick, working in the donut shop, and growing up in the Beardsley household. But be warned. Most of the tales involve pain and suffering.

North is direct and open in his allegations and takes full responsibility for making them. The book blatantly acknowledges that he's only telling one side of the story; there's not a single specific reference to a biological Beardsley child, not even half-siblings Joe and Helen. He assigns blame intentionally and repeatedly to overly large families (and the institutions that encourage them), autocratic attitudes (and the institutions that encourage them), and obsession with fame and appearances.

This last accusation may be the most difficult for some readers to handle. Disclaiming the fairy tale of Yours, Mine, and Ours seems to have proven fundamental to the recovery of affected family members. And we've been warned for decades (by films like Network and Broadcast News) about the dangers of using news and reality as entertainment. But the Turner Classic Movies station (TCM) shows the film regularly, and hundreds of new fans flock to the Internet after each screening, seeking more information on this legendary family. Can the myth and the legend co-exist peacefully, even productively? Perhaps it depends on how people use the information this time.


Rebecca Webb
Webmistress
The real "Yours, Mine and Ours" family website

[Mae Blue · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not so good. The scenes were not set in a compelling manner, they were just told. The drama and fear were not realized, as the writer has no ability to structure his material in a compelling way. He needed a good editor, if such thing exists today. North seems like a good guy, he had weathered much abuse, but he does not make it real for us. Also the stories about fishing and nature were unendurably long and meandering for the tastes of an average reader. They were well written though, just would be better for an adventure tale. This is the problem with publishing today, there are low standards and any one can self publish and promote. Many good books will probably get lost in this age of lower standards.

[Lori L (She Treads Softly) · Rating 3 out of 5]

True North: The Shocking Truth about Yours, Mine & Ours is a memoir by Tom North, one of the children in the Beardsley/North marriage that the 1968 movie, Yours, Mine and Ours was based on. The problem is that the movie version was fiction. The real life blended family that the Beardsley/North union created was fraught with abuse, mostly at the hands of Frank Beardsley, but Helen was a distant mother and did little to stop it.

Tom's father, Richard, tragically died when he was six, leaving Helen widowed with seven children and pregnant with her eighth child. You should all know the story - not long after, she met and married Frank Beardsley, a widower with 10 children. Right from the start Frank was verbally and physically abusive to the children. Tom divulges several incidents that happened to him and other members of the family, but he doesn't give a laundry list of details or necessarily dwell on the abusive past. Instead he just talks about his life growing up and what he did. There were things that saved him from what could have turned into a self-destructive path.

Living in Carmel helped Tom escape from his home. He spent a lot of time fishing at the beach. He became a certified scuba diver. He tried drugs, but once he learned about Transcendental Meditation, he stopped the drug usage and turned to TM instead. He left home right after high school at 17, and although he was still forced (or felt obligated) to work in the family's businesses (for which none of the children were paid), he also got another job. The hours he was working were so long and hard that his health was jeopardized. Tom found a way to pursue his dream of going to the college he wanted to attend. It was a relief to go work for his uncle in Alaska on a boat fishing for salmon in order to earn money to go to college.

The inspirational message is that although Tom was emotionally traumatized by events from his childhood, he found a way to make his life worthwhile, content, and peaceful.

There are a couple places where Tom went on a bit too long for me (salmon fishing, TM, college experiences) and lost my complete interest, but the main point of his book is that he survived and this should give hope to others that may be in similar circumstances. The last couple of chapters definitely provide closure.

The memoir helpfully includes a list of resources and an index. Recommended

Disclosure: My Kindle edition was courtesy of Tom North via Netgalley for review purposes.

[Alesa · Rating 5 out of 5]

First, a few disclosures. The author was one class behind me in high school, and his brother was in my class. Second, part of it takes place in Oak Harbor, a small town in Washington, where I lived for nine years. So I have some obvious biases here.

The author was part of a very famous family, the Beardsleys. A Navy widow with 8 children married an Army man with 10 children. Then they had two more of their own. They were featured in a movie starring Lucille Ball, and were on national bread commercials. They were especially famous in our hometown, Carmel, California. I always wondered what was really true about them, beneath all of the hype, since neither of the Beardsley boys were part of my crowd in school. (The author, Tom North, was Tom Beardsley in high school. He changed his last name later in life, back to his birth name, before the two families blended.)

Now about the book. I had no idea that the Beardsley kids were suffering such awful abuse. The stories in the memoir just broke my heart, even more so because I knew the settings and many of the people involved. Let's just say that all that glitters isn't gold. And the family that was supposedly so happy and perfect was (shock shock???) anything but.

The author's descriptions of discovering Transcendental Meditation intrigued me. He attributed a lot of his healing to the practice. I'm going to do a little research to learn more about it.

This memoir is very well written. Parts get a little woo-woo, but I rather enjoyed them. I skimmed over a few parts, like when he worked on a fishing boat in Alaska prior to college. However, his sections on being a student at Transcendental International University were fascinating. What a unique educational institution.

The most powerful chapters were near the end, when he writes about how he and his siblings dealt with their respective traumas later in life. He is brave enough to include a lot of emotionally intimate details that can be illustrative for anyone coping with childhood scars. His spirituality adds wisdom and depth to his life story, transforming what could have been a train wreck of a life into a demonstration of triumph and resilience. I'm thankful that he wrote this book.

[Kris Dickinson · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won this book in exchange for an honest review. I recieved an autographed copy and was thrilled to see it personalized. The movie on which this familys lives are based is one of my favorites. So I was very anxious to read this book. The book, although well written and full of detail, doesnt really talk as much as I had thought about life growing up in the North Beardsley household. There is some, sure. But it was mostly about the authors journey and struggle thru his adult life to get past his childhood and become the person he is today. I would recommend this book - especially to adult abuse survivors. I just wish the author had written more about his childhood, interaction with his parents, and fleshed out more fully what life was really like in that house, like the title implies.

[Nancy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tom North tells how his life changed after his real father dies. His mother married Frank Beardsley, who it turns out was a nasty tyrant who beat his children for everything. It tells how he lived his life and what he did to survive his younger life. I thought it was really interesting. I had watched the movie, Yours, Mine and Ours and thought it was a good story. However, after reading this book, I found it to be a terrible shame that all those children had to endure so much abuse in their lives.

[Katie Cotter · Rating 4 out of 5]

There was very little information about Beardsley kids or even much of the North's kids' experiences together. About half the book is about the family. The other half is about Tom and his life. I'm sure he had to respect some siblings' privacy, so he had to limit information. I still have questions. Did any Norths go to Frank's funeral? What kind of relationship did the mother have with Beardsley's kids. Are any of the children friends as adults? There was nothing about the two kids born after the merge. It doesn't say anything about their experience--but the author had moved out by then.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I orginially went into this book curious as to the family that was formed between Helen and Frank thinking the author would give more insite to each individual member and was very surprised (pleasantly) that it was about his quest for healing. I myself am on a personal healing quest and have been tapping into my own spirtual self. It is amazing how the Spirit guides you in this world.

[Tammi Baliszewski PhD · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! It's a story of abuse and anguish but also a story of surviving and ultimately thriving. It's based on the true story of Tom North and how his family was the inspiration behind the film "Yours, Mine and Ours" starring Lucille Ball and Henry Fonda. I had the pleasure of interviewing Tom North and will post the link soon.

[Kelly Krenek · Rating 4 out of 5]

You've had an interesting life. I enjoyed reading about it, however I would have enjoyed hearing more about the rest of the family, too. Thanks for the book. I think your a great writer and glad I got to know a little bit about your famous family.

[Donna Marshall · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was disappointed in this book. Yes, it did give little details of the North/Beardsley household, the majority of the book was about Mr. North and meditation. Though I find nothing wrong with that as his way to heal, I just wished the book had been marketed that way.

[Maria Wroblewski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting to read after watching the movie. Te only problem I had with the book was that there should have been more info about his siblings and less about his college education at a TM college.

[Mediaman · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a very deceptive book--what's supposed to be the true story of the Yours, Mines & Ours family is really a propaganda piece for Transcendental Meditation. The first 60 pages are about the Norths and the "lie" movie--but that leaves 270 pages! I wondered how the author would fill those pages, and about 230 of them are about his boring teen years, life on an Alaskan boat, and then his college years studying TM at a tiny college in Iowa! Not until the final 40 pages does he again get back to the North family theme.

Add it up--that means less than 30% of this book is about what it claims to be, and I can tell you in a couple sentences what the story is: their new stepdad Frank was a mean child-hater who abused them physically and sexually, while their mother looked the other way. The kids are all screwed up and a number have gone off into weird, other-worldly beliefs (no surprise with the one-two punch of living outside San Francisco and being raised in an abusive household with no love). Decades later the 8 North kids go through intense therapy together, then the mom finally admits to her mistakes (marrying Frank because she felt sorry for his kids!), and the stepdad breaks down admitting to molesting the kids--thinking he had a "right" to them. There, that's the story. Now you don't need to read the book because there's not much more to it than that.

The author doesn't really see how screwed up he has been by his upbringing. He gets heavily into drugs as a teen, then discovers TM as his solution to life while rejecting his Catholic upbringing. Doesn't he get the connection? Doesn't he see that TM is his way of mentally escaping his terrible life? He follows eastern mystics and preaches his beliefs (he says there is no hell), yet claims TM allows you to practice other religions (that rarely happens because TM becomes their religion). We should feel sorry for Tom North, for the terrible upbringing and unloving parents that raised him, but he must be held accountable for his own choices now and wasting so much space in this book to pushing TM while not seeing why he thinks it's his life's solution shows that little Tommy still hasn't grown up.

[Sarah Lameche · Rating 2 out of 5]

OK well where to start. At the end.. I cried near the end of this book. What Tom North and the rest of his siblings had to deal with growing up no child should have to go through. As a mother I can't forgive HIS mother. She should have protected her children yet it was her who put them in that situation. I would die or even kill for my child so I just can't comprehend this woman's mentality. I was fascinated by the first third of this book. Reading about the circumstances that brought all this about and some of the things they had to go through. However the rest of the book was more about Toms life after leaving home. The large section on his boating/fishing experiences I would previously found boring. Though I am an avid crab fishing (deadliest catch) fan so did enjoy this part. I also found it fascinating the meditation 'college' that he went to. Unfortunately for me once he started writing about the levitation and such like I really lost interest. I'm sure my sister would've liked it but as I am not a believer in this kind of thing it really ruined the book for me. I was extremely lucky to have won this book from Good reads so Thank You! And I was so happy to receive a signed copy. I really wish Tom all the best and am so glad his life has been turned around. I would like to read his sisters book to get another perspective on it but can't seem to find it anywhere?

[Carolyn Comings]

A mixed bag.

Like everyone else who grew up in Carmel in the 1960s, I knew the basics about the blended Beardsley-North family. I saw the movie and read Helen's book. I went to high school with some of the kids from both families, but I can't say I really knew them. (I did know some of the schoolmates the author mentioned, particularly Liz and Kelley. And his wife Connie was in my class, but I barely knew her.)

This book is a real eye-opener about what actually went on in that house on the hillside, and rather sad, but sadly not surprising in view of the era and the way child abuse was handled--or, rather, not handled--in that particular religious milieu. I am glad to hear that at least some of the North siblings have been able to deal with their trauma and get on with their lives. But, as other reviewers have said, there is not a single mention in the book of any of the Beardsley step-siblings, so the reader is left wondering how they fared. I do recall having a lovely conversation with one of those sisters in the student union at MPC (Monterey Peninsula College) in the mid 70s, but I'm fairly sure that was the only time we spoke. I hope she is doing well.

And, as other reviewers have mentioned, the book veers off into transcendental meditation, which does not interest me in the slightest, so I skimmed most of that part.

[Rena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Copy received from Giveaway.


As I started reading this books, I had the vague memory of what 'Yours, Mine and Ours' was...was it a movie, a TV show? I had no idea, maybe that's why it wasn't really a shocking tale to me. And I continued reading without bothering about it. Just as well, the author proceeded to explain it pretty well.

What I enjoyed about this book is that it is all about the process of healing oneself from any kind of abuse or trauma suffered in the past, and the author did a good job of giving readers several options if they find themselves in a similar predicament.

As with all non-fiction stories go, I have to keep reminding myself that the stories that the authors tell don't necessarily follow a story-telling format and that is what I find a bit hard to follow with this book. I feel like the author started to tell a really interesting bit of story but forgot about it half-way through and proceeded with the next bit of story, but maybe that's just me.

Readers who enjoy reading about self-help and alternative healing option, and people with an open-mind about dabbling into different religions will certainly enjoy what this book has to offer, as for me, I was just really curious about the big family with 18 children part.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very hard book to read but at the same time the message of hope and healing prevailed.

I always loved the movie "Yours, Mine and Ours" and I had even read the book that the real life mother (Helen Beardsley) wrote. Lies lies lies and more lies.

Tom North tells the reader what really went on in that family and it was horrible. Every kind of abuse of went on at the hands of Frank Beardsley... "the father." No one helped the children. The mother protected the father and allowed her children to be abused. The church called the children liars and sinners for trying to seek help. Oh it's just so heartbreaking.

This book broke my heart and shook me up because I had always loved the movie and thought/ hoped that the real life family was just like that.

The practice of meditation healed Tom North and continues to sustain him and his experiences are beautiful to read about. He became a devotee of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi.

The family went through a few family healing sessions which I pray has helped many of the now grown up children. It just breaks my heart to think about what these children went through and how much pain they have carried in their lives.

[Felelith · Rating 1 out of 5]

I know I am one of the few people that did not care for this book, but I could not bring myself to like it; I wanted to but it so did not happen. There was something about the book that was just not believable for me. The writing style was a jumbled mess to me. The author in one chapter goes from 16 to 12 to 16 again. This book just was not a book I can recommend to anyone. I found it odd that with 20 children in this blended household the only ones that are mentioned are his full blooded siblings; even his half siblings are not listed as part of the abuse he alleges.
I received this book as a reviewer copy from NetGallery.com

http://felelith.blogspot.com/2013/08/...

[R.J. Murphy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. “True North” is the biography of a man whose childhood was depicted in the 1968 movie “Yours, Mine, and Ours” – a comedy about a widow with eight children who marries a widower with ten children. In real life there wasn’t much to laugh about. His family was totally dysfunctional. He doesn’t mention most of his siblings by name or give many details about them. This is his personal story. I found Tom North’s journey into Transcendental Meditation fascinating. He wrote of it in a clear way that made it easy to understand and appreciate. This book was a pleasure to read. I highly recommend it.

[Maggie · Rating 2 out of 5]

*I received a copy from NetGalley.
This was the true story of growing up in the North-Beardsley household made famous by the movie, "Yours, Mine & Ours" starring Henry Fonda and Lucille Ball. Unfortunately it was not like the movie but instead full of abuse. The author shares his experiences and how he spent many years coming to terms with them.
Very moving, it dragged in some places, but overall a good read. Readers who enjoy true stories of overcoming abuse/tragedy will probably be interested in this title.

[fleur d’elaine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love the movie version of this family's life, but certainly can understand that things are not always what they seem. The author does seem to be very heavy into TM (another reader's comment as well), and I think that this account should also be taken with a grain of salt. I'm sure life was not rosy and everyone in that huge family must have their own truth. It would be interesting to read any other autobiographies that come from this family.

[Victoria Griffin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not really sure how to feel about it. Am glad he has been able to conquer drug addiction etc by using transcendental meditation. But it seemed like to me the middle of the book was simply promoting it. I was rather shocked at the abuse the kids had to deal with from the step dad. Am really horrified over the fact that family members and the church did nothing to try to help any of these kids.

[Trevor Pearson · Rating 1 out of 5]

http://bindblottyandcajole.com/2016/0...

[Kate-Roger · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting story. With so many family members (too many?) he found he needed to become self sufficient at an early age. He needed to find defense mechanisms for his bully of a step-father. He found himself without a mother's love and yet endured by going to Mother Nature. I most enjoyed his adventures of hunting, living off the land for a week-end, fishing boat worker in Alaska, etc... I've seen the movie numerous times, and have family who were acquainted with Frank's sister and brother -in-law. I will most likely never watch the movie again.

[Justpraisin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found the first portion of the book interesting as the author detailed his growing-up years. As the book progressed and he went into great detail about his fishing adventures in Alaska, my interest began to wane as I thought the story got bogged down by all of the minutiae. I pretty much skipped the chapters detailing his embracing of TM, picking up the story again just prior to his marriage. In reading this story, I was mindful that at least some of Frank Beardsley’s children dispute some of the descriptions of Frank. Overall, I found the story sad.

[Katrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is Tom’s story how he survived and eventually overcame heartbreak, abuse, and neglect.