If my last reading experience was lacklustre (it was), this one was the opposite. One might say a "high" of my reading pile this year.
I've been meaning to read this 1953 classic a long while now. I don't know why, but I've always had a fascination with opiates. Given how deliriously happy I was after the shot of morphine that I was given after C-section #2, I think it's fairly safe to say I'd like them, if given the chance. So my fascination stays at a great distance, the closest I get when driving through Vancouver's downtown eastside, a godforsaken place where people congregate openly to obtain and use, and there's no end of people bent over in the "fentanyl fold" position.
It's disturbing, but it's an education for my children to see. I tell them "each one of those people was a kid like you once, deserving of love and every other good thing in life". They stare, uncomprehendingly, at the world there. The junkie's world.
This book, written by a real life junkie, is a narrative so brutally real, I'd call it journalistic. I'm sure I won't say anything new about this book, which is revered by many, including J.G. Ballard and Allen Ginsberg. But what I'll say is that anything I didn't get from this story, things I longed for, like warmth, or meaningful self-awareness, I didn't get because the writer simply couldn't give them. It would have been false had he integrated those things, and I simply have to respect that. A man who comes from a privileged background, who had a trust fund and didn't have to work, falls into a deep drug addiction out of... boredom?
He's not likeable, but he chronicles the heroin addict's life in a compelling way. The emptiness, the drive, the sickness, the desperation. Three quarters into the book, he casually mentions he has a wife. Wait, what? He'd never mentioned her before! A few pages toward the end, he mentions "the kids". Shit, that guy had a wife and kids? Everything is overshadowed by the junk, whether he had it, when he'd get it next, how sick he was feeling. Every cell in his body a slave to it.
Sometimes he'd manage to get off a few months, but then inevitably, casually, just shoot up again, for almost no reason at all, to re-start the addiction.
It's dark and disturbing, but it's an archive of a life. Sadly, it's not a singular experience, there's a whole world Burroughs captures here with an unblinking eye.