True Companion: Thoughts on Being a Pastor's Wife

by Nancy Wilson

Being a pastor's wife isn't the least bit about wearing fancy hats and attending church potlucks. In fact, you can see Nancy Wilson's thirty years of experience most clearly in how she reacts to the difficult stuff -- the stuff that can make you (especially if you're married to a pastor) feel inadequate and under-qualified.
True Companion offers friendly, practical, and above all Christ-centered wisdom on how to help your husband in his vocation, how to deal with the "congregation at home" (kids), how much (or how little) a pastor's wife needs to be involved in the church, what sins tend to spring up in a pastor's home, how to deal with adversity from enemies (or from friends), and a host of other issues.

Genres: Marriage, Nonfiction, Christian, Audiobook, Christian Living, Theology, Family

166 pages, Paperback

First published September 23, 2013

About the author

Nancy Wilson (née Greensides) is the wife of Pastor Douglas Wilson, mother of N.D. Wilson, Rebekah Merkle, and Rachel Jankovic, and grandmother of seventeen who are (as yet) unpublished. She lives in northern Idaho.

Reviews

[Lizzie Sanduleac]

So refreshing and helpful, highly recommend

[Charlotte Rasmussen · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the best books on being a "pastor's wife" that I've read. Thought provoking and biblical, loved the chapter on praying through Titus and Timothy for your husband and Nancy's wisdom in sharing her convictions.

[Sophia Lewis]

I appreciated the chapters on praying not just for your husband, but for your pastor. I liked how the emphasis was on if your husband is called to be a pastor, then you share in his calling as his helper. I didn’t like the overall tone. There was a lot of do this & don’t do that but not really any scripture to base it off of. It seemed like dying every day to serve Christ out of our love for Him was missed.

[Kara Naselli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent little book. A lot of what she said applied to a pastor's daughter as well.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent book for any woman who is a pastor's wife. Nancy's insight helps us to see who and what our main priorities are for the glory of Christ.

"What has God called us to do? He wants us to be single minded in following Him and His instructions. We are to be the kind of women who are committed to doing the duties God has laid out for us. Take a moment to think about these things. Now is a perfect time to do a check up, and remember to keep first things first. Love your kids. Respect your husband. Make your home a cheerful place. God will bless it." ~ 161

[Becky Pliego · Rating 5 out of 5]

Do your pastor's wife -and your church!- a favor and give her this book to read. It will be a cup of fresh water to her soul.

[Becky Filipek · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good reminders in this book. I've been a pastor's wife for 14.5 years now, so most of the tips/ encouragement in this book are not unfamiliar to me. We have very different backgrounds when it comes to hospitality. We keep our home open as needed, having an open house potluck on Epiphany every year in particular, but otherwise my husband prefers home to be the place where he can get away from everyone else and doesn't like people coming over. He gets "peopled out" and needs a place to turn off pastor mode.

The concept that my husband and our children are my ministry, and whatever I am doing should be how he needs me to help him, is giving me some things to think about. My husband and I should probably talk through this idea more.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

My second time through this year. Nancy's words are helpful as always. I'll be coming back to this down the road!

[Nick Whitehead · Rating 4 out of 5]

My wife asked me to read this to discuss together. It was good and stimulated good discussion.

I think the best element of the book was its prioritization of the family. The pastor must prioritize managing his household above shepherding the church. The pastor’s wife must prioritize helping her husband and caring for her “congregation of children” over serving the church. Though Nancy certainly values the local church she helps the pastor’s wife put her priorities in the right order and not succumb to the expectations of others in the church.

[Caitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is extremely helpful and full of practical advice. I certainly can’t agree with Mrs. Wilson on on her points, especially theologically, but I’m thankful for this little book. It took the edge off all the expectations (from outside and inside) and helped orientate my priorities and calling. I would for sure recommend this to any pastor’a wife/pastor.

[Ben Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rock solid, Biblical to the bone. Encouraging to get a glimpse into the other side of the equation!

[Caleb M. Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book, despite not being the target audience. I always get something valuable out of Nancy's writing. It's also quite lovely to be reading a book such as this, which talks about godly womanhood, being a good wife and mother, and realizing that my own bride hits all the marks. Love her.

[Melody Bringe · Rating 5 out of 5]

A much needed refresher.

[Andie Dole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this while doing some deep cleaning. It was so stinkin' good, I'll probably order a hardcopy so I can reference it. The book is for pastor's wives, but there are whole chapters that are full of wisdom for every woman in the church. The chapter on counseling women alone was worth the read. Nancy's can empathize, and can also lovingly say buck up. 5 bajillion stars.

[Natalie Print · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this summary towards the end of the book helpful, that "even though our churches may differ from one another, we have one central thing: we are all called to be helpers to our very own husbands/ministers. That help will be as individual as the men we are married to" (p.157). However, I didn't think that this individual difference was always reflected in the book, as at times the advice seemed narrowly proscriptive. I didn't agree with everything in this book, but I did appreciate the importance Nancy Wilson places on our role as supporter and helper of our husbands, which can easily be overlooked with other competing demands in life.

[Hopson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book for Tim Challies' 2016 Reading Challenge. One of the categories on my list was a book by or about a pastor's wife. Since I'm married to a pastor's wife, I was excited to read this book to better understand the world of my bride. I was not disappointed. Nancy Wilson writes a helpful, practical, and convicting collection of random thoughts for ministry wives. This book is a helpful read for any woman in the ministry, and yes, for their husbands too. It would also be helpful for anyone desiring to better pray for their pastor's wife and her family.

[Mary A · Rating 4 out of 5]

I so appreciate the lifetime of wisdom that Nancy brought to this book. The chapters that helped me the most were the ones on dealing with criticism and divisions in the church. I found her attitude so refreshing and encouraging. She made me feel like I really can do this, by the grace of God. This is an essential book for any ministry wife, and really any wife hoping to be a helper to her husband as he serves Christ.

[Gretchen · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a pastor's wife into her forties I've seen much of church life both the joys and the heart aches, the thrills and the trials. I love this life and so does Nancy Wilson. She's been at it much longer than I and it was a balm to read her honest and encouraging words. I would enthusiastically recommend this short book to all wives of pastors and to all wives of pastors in training at seminaries all over.

[Meagan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought this book was decent. I don't agree with everything Wilson writes, but much of her advice is logical and practical. Best of all, it's encouraging to know that other pastors' wives have the same struggles I've had.

[Victor Chininin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very sweet, comprehensive, and honest companion for a pastor's wife. This book is full of very practical and wise counsel and experience. And it was a joy to read.

[Corina Treece · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great book to encourage ministers wives in their most sacred calling...ministering to their husbands

[Jon Anderson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful little book of encouragement and wisdom for pastors' wives. Covers home, church, and challenges.

[Winnie Thornton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovely. Very much enjoyed recognizing the wise moves of my dad (pastor of 13 years), my mom, and my church in the pages of Nancy's seasoned advice.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes, this book is geared towards pastors’ wives. But hear me out. I read this book out of curiosity and gained so much from it. If you have a pastor, he likely has a wife…you should read this. That basically covers all my categories of who should read this and who would gain insight and wisdom. It would be beneficial for wives of church officers, married people in general, and a good portion for anyone who encounters the pastor and his family, married or single.

This was insightful as I pondered over the various people who have filled the role of the pastor’s wife in the 27 or so years of walking with the Lord (Including wives of pastors/elders/officers who are dear friends, even though their husbands have not actually been our pastors, but have been pastoral in our lives.) Some I remember fondly, some I barely remember, and others are still involved in my life. However, this book gave me fresh eyes on how I “thought” some things should have looked. In many places I was convicted with placing unrealistic expectations on the pastor’s wife and the wives of church officers.

In general, there is just a lot of good advice for marriage whether you happen to be married to a pastor/elder/officer or not. It’s worth the time to listen to the audio (read by Nancy) or dive into the short book itself.

Overall, it was just good to check motivations and expectations. And then be encouraged to serve my husband better… and to love my pastor’s wife and family better.

[Allyson Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another excellent book by Nancy. I am not a pastor's wife and I do not think I ever will be, but there is so much wisdom to be gleaned from this book by all wives on being a "one-man woman." I love the emphasis Nancy puts on a wife's ultimate duty being to glorify God by being her husband's helper. Oftentimes, for pastor's wives especially, we (the Church) expect Christian woman to pour themselves out into ministry outside of the home because it is viewed as the "real kingdom work." In reality, God has given specific commands for wives to have their first priorities in the home for their husband. I am thankful for Nancy's labors to exhort Christian woman to be excellent and content in that calling.

[Hannah Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did not read this because I have any indication that I will be a pastor’s wife someday, but for two other reasons. First of all, anything that Nancy Wilson writes is helpful, even if she is not writing to you particularly. And secondly, I greatly admire the pastors’ wives that I know and I want to become a woman like them. This book was a very interesting look at “behind the scenes” and inspired me.

[Kate Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

Worth its weight in gold and then some! I walked away both encouraged and challenged and gained a lot of insight from the wisdom packed in here. There was so much practical wisdom in here, and I know this is a book I’ll be reading many times over the years.

[Jana Lanham · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this little book! Great practical advice not just for ministry wives but all Christian wives. Need this one in physical form.

[Terri · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a bunch of letters sent out to pastor's wives if requested and now here they are compiled in one neat book. And if you've read any of her other books, it's the same stuff trundled out again:

Make sure you're available to have sex when your man (pastor husband) wants it. It'll keep him from be tempted by the women who come to him for advice.

"Do you do what he says? Remember your vows... What has he asked you to do that you haven't yet done? Are you letting things slide or cutting corners and not telling him? Are you open and honest with him about everything? Does he know about that charge on the credit card? Are you quick to do what he asks? Do you keep confidences?"

I've asked it twice, do. you. do. what. he. says? OH MY!

Don't be a complainer. About anything. Ever. Though this gets a little muddled in this book because on the one hand Wilson says to always "be honest with him about everything," but on the other hand you are always supposed to be the picture of perfection so he doesn't want to hop in bed with the church ladies. So... be a no maintenance sort of wife and tell him everything, but don't make him sad or weary or anything, contentment is key.

"When women are intimidated by my husband, I see it as a good sign." Really? A grown woman should feel intimidated by the man who is supposed to bring her God's word.

"Am I saying a minister's wife may never disagree with her husband?" Uh, pretty much.

"I'm not saying that the state of marriage is up to you." Well, yah, pretty much you are.

Oh gosh and the faulty teaching of Eve as the gal who wants to wrest the reins and rule the roost. As a result, the minister's wife will probably want to butt in and give her husband a few pointers about his sermons, his delivery, his approach. Don't. The only thing the wife is doing here is to try to make her husband "soften the message to stay out of trouble."

The whole thing reads like a child rearing book for overbearing, intimidating parents.

[Amanda Emerson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This dear book felt as though I had invited Mrs. Wilson over to visit for an afternoon of fellowship where I asked her a myriad of questions. It was delightful and chocked full of sound, godly advice on blessing your husband. For those of you who might not be aware I became a pastor's wife the day I said "I do" at age 23. One of the best pieces of advice I was given early on is the fact that my marriage is very unique because I am married to a minister. It has its own sets of challenges that other couples don't face. My marriage also gets to experience many joys and special blessings. I really enjoyed reading Wilson's book and would recommend it to anyone whose husband is in the ministry.