Hard to Love: Understanding and Overcoming Male Borderline Personality Disorder

by Joseph Nowinski

Renowned clinical psychologist Joseph Nowinski provides easy-to-implement solutions for BPD men and those who love them. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) occurs commonly in both men and women, but is frequently misdiagnosed in men, resulting in either no treatment (or worse, jail time) or the wrong treatment. Dr. Nowinski lays out the origins of BPD in men and helps a man determine if BPD describes the problems in living he's experienced, and if so, how to fix them. Joseph Nowinski, PhD , is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the author of numerous books. His most recent books include Saying A Guide to Coping with a Loved One's Terminal Illness and Almost Is My (Or My Loved One's) Drinking a Problem?

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Mental Health

192 pages, Paperback

First published April 21, 2014

About the author

Joseph Nowinski is a psychologist at the University of Connecticut Health Center. The founder of the Institute of Interpersonal Sensitivity, he also has a private practice in Tolland, Connecticut, where he lives.

Reviews

[Alex · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very useful conceptualization and practical guide for BPD in men, addressing problems that are too commonly overlooked, like how substance use, violence and suicide can be reactions to poorly processed hurts, anxiety and insecurity in men (and people of all genders, but because of the expectations we have of men and how they are socialized, more commonly seen in them). A little essentialist at times, simple and repetitive, but full of empathic understanding and good advice. Limits its scope for the most part to men who are “hard to love” and not severely mentally ill, so might be less useful for those with/loved ones of people with severe character pathology and/or strong antisocial traits.

[Kelly Satara · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rarely has a book infuriated me as much as this one did. Ostensibly providing a wealth of knowledge about male borderline personality disorder and its treatment, this book instead perpetuates harmful myths about the disorder that have long been disproven by systematic psychiatric studies. For instance, the book makes the ludicrous assertions that all BPD sufferers experienced horrible abuse and neglect during childhood (in fact, while this is true in some cases, many often come from warm, loving families who are at a loss to explain the development of their child’s disorder) and that all other symptoms of mental illness a BPD sufferer experiences are caused exclusively by their personality disorder and thus do not need to be treated once BPD therapy has been initiated (in reality, many of those suffering from BPD also struggle with depression, anxiety and other comorbid mental illnesses that need to be treated IN ADDITION to the BPD). Furthermore, the book makes no mention of the DSM criteria used to diagnose borderline personality disorder, which one would assume would form a central focus in a book purporting to help people recognize and seek help for the disorder. Finally, the book is written in a patronizing, repetitive style that is incredibly aggravating to read, and the case studies used seem to only portray mild/high-functioning manifestations of the disorder, and thus are not representative of the full spectrum of BPD. Overall, this is a poorly written, deeply flawed book that should be passed over by anyone wanting to learn more about borderline personality disorder in men.

[Leonard · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this because some of my patients are diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. In addition to their respiratory and other problems. I now have a clearer idea of what it is. I also took all the "tests" to determine if I had it, and I'm content to say that I don't, not even close. But I don't doubt that it's common and disruptive to a person's life.

[Lorene Hutchinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really helpful book on attachment related injury and how to help men with BPD. The explanation and examples can be very relatable to readers and can help give words to what they’re experiencing. Well done and worth the read if you can’t figure out why you struggle so much in relationships.

[Sean Helvey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really awesome / helpful. I think the author is overly focused on childhood trauma and discounts young adult / adult trauma too much. Still the story here works.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read aloud to Alex

[Angela Bailey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nice start to this topic in men. Would like to hear more stories.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t even know men could have BPD before reading this book. It also goes into how society looks at male mental illness differently than female mental illness. We need more books like this.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book gets 5 stars for even bringing up the subject of male BPD. It's easy and simple to follow. It's clear in its explanation of BPD. I've been a psy RN for years so I found it to be very very basic. It is also more focused on helping the male with the issue not family or medical staff. The book Stop Walking On Eggshells is better in this respect. THIS SUBJECT NEEDS TO BE TALKED ABOUT MORE! ESP now that we are finding it is not mostly females but equally as common in men ( just presents differently).

[Jami · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book! Bought this book hoping for some answers and got that and more.