Our Friendship Rules

by Peggy Moss, Dee Dee Tardif (Primary Contributor), alissa imre geis (Illustrator)

Alexandra and Jenny have been best friends for a long time. But when Alexandra is momentarily dazzled by the glamour of a new girl at school, she's willing to do almost anything to get to be the cool girl's friend. Ultimately, she tells Jenny's biggest, most important secret--and just like that, Alexandra is in! But when Alexandra realizes what it feels like to lose her best friend, and sees the hurt she's caused, she knows she has to figure out a way to regain the relationship that's far more important to her than being invited to sit with the popular girls. Our Friendship Rules is both a lyrical story of forgiveness and a simple, sweet but instructive tale of how to get along.

Genres: Picture Books, Friendship, Emotion, Fiction, Childrens

32 pages, Hardcover

First published May 1, 2007

About the author

Peggy Moss, children's author of Say Something, Our Friendship Rules, and One of Us,worked as an assistant attorney general in Maine in the civil rights unit and as associate director of the Center for the Prevention of Hate Violence. Peggy now works with schools across the US and Canada, helping students and educators from kindergarten to the college level create school environments that feel safe for everyone. A freelance writer, Peggy lives in Toronto with her husband and two daughters. "

Reviews

[Abigail · Rating 3 out of 5]

Alexandra and Jenny were best friends and constant companions, until the day that Rolinda Sparks showed up at school, and Alexandra decided that she was the "coolest kid" she'd ever seen. Determined to make this new girl her friend, Alexandra began to change things about herself, from her shoes to her hair, cut to look more like Rolinda's. But when she tells one of Jenny's biggest secrets, in order to look more cool herself, she finds that she has hurt one of the most important people in her life, and endangered a friendship that matters far more than coolness. Can Alexandra set things right...?

I've enjoyed Peggy Moss's two other "bibliotherapy" picture-books - Say Something addresses the issue of bullying, from the perspective of a bystander, while One of Us tells the tale of a new girl who doesn't really fit into any one group at school - so I was eager to read this story about issues of friendship and popularity, and what happens when the two come into conflict. In fact, I convinced my public library to purchase a copy of this book, since they already owned the other two! I'm glad I did, as I really appreciated the message in Our Friendship Rules, and also greatly enjoyed the lovely collage artwork of Alissa Imre Geis. I don't know that I found this the equal of Moss's other books - I realize that these books have a didactic purpose, but the tone here felt a little too "lectury" for my taste - but it is still worth picking up, particularly for children who are confronting these issues.

[Lisa Vegan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I absolutely loved the collage illustrations in this book. They’re of different styles and they all mesh well with the story. They’re fun to look at and, they greatly enhanced the book and were my favorite part of the book. I wouldn’t have thought that much of the book without them, but the story is also needed to fully appreciate the pictures.

I have a feeling some of my Goodreads friends will not like this story so well because it is in your face didactic. For me, with this subject matter, it worked okay. Alexandra tells this story in first person; she and Jenny are best friends and they’ve shared a lot. That is until a new girl shows up at school and Alexandra desperately wants to be friends with this very cool looking girl. She changes her appearance and does what it takes, even to the point of criticizing Jenny and then telling one of Jenny’s most important secrets to her new friend. She feels awful and asks for Jenny’s forgiveness and wants to be best friends with her again. The “Rules” in the title has a double meaning here, and Jenny and Alexandra must find a way for their relationship to work again. It’s so message heavy it might as well be a lecture. But I’m familiar with this scenario (personally and then seeing it as an adult with kids I’ve known and kids I’ve worked with) and I think this picture book does a good job of both telling an interesting story and being a potential springboard for what could be very helpful discussions.

I also liked that the co-writer is a ninth grade high school student.

[Edward Sullivan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good story about how to tell a genuine friendship from a phony one.

[Claudia Turner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good story about true friendship with nice illustrations.

[Melinda Bender · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great story about the ups and downs of childhood friendships.

[Jayda Safford · Rating 5 out of 5]

i am bff with in chedoygan willow is my bff and i will have a 2 bff

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Telling the story of friendship betrayal that many young girls go through, this book does a wonderful job of describing the problems and how they can be fixed. What is most important is that this book doesn't end with any bad guys. It shows that there can even be good in the girl who likes to gossip. I believe it would be appropriate for all ages, and it is more relatable perhaps because of the then-9th grade co-author.

[Marta · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a stellar example of illustration and meaningful reading. I'd suggest ages 8-9 for this book, because though it's a picture book, it is on the heavier side in regards to the amount of text and it's not the most basic read. Overall, teaches kids how to be a loyal and true friend, but is kind of an advanced beginner book.

[Kate Hastings · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grades 2-5. Alexandra tries to impress the new "cool" girl at school but hurts her best friend in the process. She and Jenny make up a list of rules to heal and keep their friendship strong. The most important rule: be yourself (and accept others as themselves).

[Nativida · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great read for kids (the characters in this book happen to be girls) when they experience the pain that comes with friendship as relationships wax and wane - especially when a fabulous new kid enters the pictures and becomes divisive in the relationship.