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Fat Vampire #5
Fatpocalypse
The story of Reginald -- the world's slowest, weakest, most out-of-shape vampire -- continues in the fifth and penultimate installment of the FAT VAMPIRE series…
The new vampire president and his genocidal right-hand man have been playing a dangerous game with the humans over the past six months. In the public eye, the two races appear to be at peace... but the situation below the surface is hot enough to boil. And while the untrusting humans mass their defenses, vampire armies have been building to match them -- with plans to exterminate the planet's current inhabitants, saving only a handful of blood slaves.
Reginald, Nikki, Maurice, and the others bunkered in at Maurice's estate, meanwhile, have found themselves in the middle of a no-win scenario. Is it better to fight with the fanged armies in the vampire revolution? Or should they turn traitors -- and risk extermination by their makers -- in order to protect the humans?
But just as the cold war outside is about to turn hot, Reginald's unmatched vampire brain reveals the existence of an artifact that could predict the outcome of the coming war -- and maybe even a way to stop it. The only problem is that nobody knows where the artifact is... and when full-fledged war then breaks out and mass slaughter begins on both sides, it seems that time may have run out.
Fat Vampire 5 is the biggest, bloodiest, most snack-filled installment in the Fat Vampire series so far, and sets the stage for the sixth book's epic series-ender -- a conclusion so big you'll want to unbuckle your belt and push back from the dinner table.
The new vampire president and his genocidal right-hand man have been playing a dangerous game with the humans over the past six months. In the public eye, the two races appear to be at peace... but the situation below the surface is hot enough to boil. And while the untrusting humans mass their defenses, vampire armies have been building to match them -- with plans to exterminate the planet's current inhabitants, saving only a handful of blood slaves.
Reginald, Nikki, Maurice, and the others bunkered in at Maurice's estate, meanwhile, have found themselves in the middle of a no-win scenario. Is it better to fight with the fanged armies in the vampire revolution? Or should they turn traitors -- and risk extermination by their makers -- in order to protect the humans?
But just as the cold war outside is about to turn hot, Reginald's unmatched vampire brain reveals the existence of an artifact that could predict the outcome of the coming war -- and maybe even a way to stop it. The only problem is that nobody knows where the artifact is... and when full-fledged war then breaks out and mass slaughter begins on both sides, it seems that time may have run out.
Fat Vampire 5 is the biggest, bloodiest, most snack-filled installment in the Fat Vampire series so far, and sets the stage for the sixth book's epic series-ender -- a conclusion so big you'll want to unbuckle your belt and push back from the dinner table.
159 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 24, 2013
128 people are currently reading
236 people want to read
About the author
Johnny B. Truant
193 books693 followersJohnny B. Truant is an author, blogger, and podcaster who, like the Ramones, was long denied induction into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame despite having a large cult following. He makes his online home at JohnnyBTruant.com and is the author of the Unicorn Western series, the Fat Vampire series, The Bialy Pimps, and a handful of other properties and growing every week.
You can connect with Johnny on Twitter at @JohnnyBTruant, and you should totally send him an email from JohnnyBTruant.com if the mood strikes you.
You can connect with Johnny on Twitter at @JohnnyBTruant, and you should totally send him an email from JohnnyBTruant.com if the mood strikes you.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 36 reviews
September 29, 2013
If you haven’t already experienced any of the Fat Vampire series, you really need to avail yourself of it. The first book is free on all major platforms.
The entire series has consisted of relatively short books, not quite a novel, but not short enough to be what I consider a novella, either. This is the fifth and penultimate installment in the series (for non-word-geeks, that means it’s the second to last one).
MAIN CHARACTERS
Reginald: Reginald IS the fat vampire. He was turned at the age of 38, while vastly and grossly overweight, As a vampire, you become more of what you are. So after turning into a vampire and becoming perpetually immortal, Reginald gained all the incredible strength and speed of an average human being not restricted by obesity. However, Reginald’s mind was always his best quality, and as a vampire it became significantly more so—the fastest and brightest mind, in fact, that had ever existed in the history of the planet, vampire or human.
Nikki: Nikki is Reginald’s opposite, and therefore, obviously, his one true love. She used to work with him at the same office building back when they were both human. But Nikki was already vaguely aware of the vampire population of the world, and she wanted desperately to join them in eternal life. Part of a vampire subculture that goes through extensive physical training before turning (because the body you have when you turn is the body you’re stuck with for eternity) Nikki is physically perfect, incredibly strong and fast, and OH MY GOD SO HORNY. (Descriptions of sex scenes between Nikki and Reginald are some of the comedic highlights of the entire Fat Vampire series).
Maurice: Maurice is Reginald’s maker, the millennia-old vampire who turned Reginald to a vampire out of pity. Of course, he didn’t exactly do Reginald any favors, as it turns out. Maurice was around for Caesar and Jesus, and now wanders the earth as an early-twenties, waifish-looking goth kid who’s actually one of the more powerful vampires in existence, along with his brother Claude.
Claude: Maurice’s brother, another incredibly ancient and powerful vampire. While Claude is much more physically powerful than Maurice, Maurice tends to edge him out slightly in terms of quick thinking and craftiness. Also, Claude is a jerk.
Timkin: Timkin is the Vampire President at the start of this book. He rose to power in Fat Vampire 4. Timkin is a well-motivated but ultimately misguided vampire. He believes that war with humans and vampires is inevitable, and so he wants to make sure vampires come out on top (as opposed to Claude, for example, who just REALLY REALLY REALLY wants to kill people).
SYNOPSIS: Vampires are on the brink of full-on, true, out-and-out war with the humans. At the start of the book, things are in escalated cold war status. Random killings of humans by vampires and vampires by humans are commonplace, but both governments are trying to maintain at least some sort of facade of decency and cooperation. Reginald and crew are searching for a way to prevent the forthcoming apocalypse with minimal bloodshed to both sides, but that seems to be getting harder and harder.
PROS AND CONS: Anyone who knows me well knows that Truant is one of my favorite authors, and possibly my favorite indie author period. (His debut novel, The Bialy Pimps, is my favorite book of the last several years). He writes both individually and in collaboration with another indie author superstar, Sean Platt, and in both “incarnations” Truant’s style and skill shine through quite well.
The Fat Vampire series is an often-hilarious, surprisingly deep, and sneakily dramatic series that has impressed me (and many other readers, judging by its reviews) since its first volume. This one is no exception.
PRO: The humorous element is probably less in Fat Vampire 5 than it has been in any of the preceding books, but that’s entirely appropriate. The book isn’t titled “Fatpocalypse” because it’s all about sweetness and light. And you don’t particularly feel like jokes are missing. They’re appropriate and welcome when they appear, but if he had tried to layer too many more in, it would have detracted greatly from the intensity this book delivered.
PRO: Character development comes to the fore in this volume, but more than character development, Truant develops a lot of RELATIONSHIPS. There are certain relationships that I was completely unaware of, or didn’t realize the importance of until this book. Now, it’s like they’ve always been there, but I fully understand their significance now. For example, the relationship between Maurice and Claude (they’re brothers) was definitely explained before, but in this book that relationship came to the fore, and you got why it was IMPORTANT that they were brothers.
CON: On rare occasions, Truant has a tendency to tell things retrospectively that I believe would better be told more “immediately.” One major plot point fell victim to this in Fat Vampire 5. VERY SLIGHT SPOILER. Reginald and Nikki travel to a far destination, where they are looking for a very important figure in their quest. When they finally find that very important figure, the conversation is told retrospectively. I.e., we hear the cliffnotes version of the conversation, rather than hearing the actual dialogue between Reginald and the important person.
This is not a major detriment to the story. Often times Truant will use the device quite well. But considering how important the scene was to the story, I wanted to hear it in the “immediate voice,” if you will, rather than in summarized fashion.
PRO: Perhaps more than ever before in the series, Fat Vampire 5 illuminates the characters in the series and how unconventional they are. There are nearly no sterotypes in this book. Everyone is a little different, a little bit of an outcast, a little removed from what’s considered “normal” or “acceptable” or “beautiful” in society (whether that society is vampire or human). And as has been discussed by me and other reviewers online, the Fat Vampire series is NOT a fat-bashing series. I think it takes a special sort of delicacy to take a series idea that’s basically “a guy becomes a vampire but it’s funny because he’s fat” and yet manage not to make it a series about how helpless and weak fat people are compared to the rest of us. It could have been really offensive, but it isn’t, with Reginald becoming more important, more able and more self-sufficient with each book in the series. Again, it’s a fine line to walk, and Truant’s steps never falter.
OVERALL RATING: 4.5 OUT OF 5 STARS
SPOILER ZONE:
Beyond this point I’m going to go into the plot in pretty deep detail, so if you don’t want the book spoiled, you want to steer clear here. If this is as far as you read, I highly recommend that you go pick up the book.
Reginald and crew start off holed up in Maurice’s mansion, waiting for some sort of inciting incident to begin the whole vampire/human war. Despite Reginald’s advanced brain, he can’t figure a way out of their mess.
They’re attacked by humans, who have begun to realize that vampires are real. The humans attack during daytime and manage to kill some of the vampires holed up in Maurice’s mansion before they can retaliate. Maurice and Brian, his monolithic security chief, predictably flatten the humans in response.
Reginald feels spurred to action by the incident, and he glamours Claire, the 12-year-old human oracle, in order to find out how to bring an end to the conflict once and for all. Claire reveals the existence and a possible location for the vampire codex, which they believe to be an ancient tome that predicts how the vampire/human war will end. The only lead they have is that Karl, the head of the European vampire council, may have some insight.
There’s a philosophical discussion about the nature of fate here, which perfectly highlights the “surprisingly philosophical” quality that most of Truant’s books possess. A surface skimmer might be inclined to believe that the Fat Vampire series is one big joke about how ridiculous it would be to be a fat vampire for all eternity. Well, it is that. But discussions like this are the real strength of Truant’s writing. Is fate predestiny, or is it simply a logical conclusion of what we choose to do with our lives?
Reginald and Nikki must travel to see Karl alone. Maurice can’t leave his mansion and wife with the war about to break out for real, and Brian is bound to serve Maurice. Brian also thinks the whole thing is a lot of BS, and is very vocal about that belief.
Reginald and Nikki find that the European council has been hit hard by the humans’ Anti-Vampire Taskforce. The council was nearly wiped out by some of the humans’ new advanced anti-vampire weaponry. But Karl escaped and is hiding in Paris. He reveals the existence of a Vampire World Council, who are the ones who may actually be able to point Reginald towarad the codex. Karl is scared and seems content to hide out until the war blows over.
The war erupts while Reginald and Nikki are in Paris. Human governments officially acknowledge the existence of vampires, something they’ve been keeping hidden for a while. Vampires are perfectly poised to strike, and they do so with a vengeance. Human are wiped out in droves.
Escaping in the chaos, Reginald and Nikki travel all the way to the south pole, where the Vampire World Council is hiding. Since the northern hemisphere is experiencing summer, the south pole is in perpetual night, making it a perfect stronghold for the vampires to hide out in. In the south pole, Reginald discovers that Claude and the Annihilists have been working with the Vampire World Council for some time. This means that the worldwide vampire government has been working with Annihilist extremists all along, seemingly cementing the fate of humanity on Earth.
Claude won’t let Reginald and Nikki leave. Instead, he tries to use Reginald’s superior strategic brain to make the vampire conquest of Earth even easier. Reginald deceives him a bit, seeming to help without actually contributing anything, and meanwhile looking for the vampire seer who supposedly knows where the codex is. All he knows is that the seer is in the south pole somewhere, so whenever he’s not being forced to help Claude, he scours the base looking for the man.
The war goes worse and worse (for humanity) until finally Reginald finds the seer. He looks into his mind and finds the location of the codex: a statue of a fanged angel, hidden somewhere in the United States. He and Nikki incapacitate the seer and make their escape from the south pole base. (SIDE NOTE: This scene is the one that was told in summary, mentioned in my “CON” above.)
Reginald and Nikki eventually make their way back to America, but it seems like they’re way too late. Humanity is all but wiped out, just a few hundreds of millions of them still alive and being kept as cattle for the new vampire overlords. Maurice and the others have lost all contact, leading Reginald to believe that they’re dead.
Reginald finally finds the fanged angel statue and the vault below it that contains the codex. But before he can open it, Claude and his troopers show up. They allowed Reginald to escape so they could follow him to the codex, their ultimate goal all along. He tries to torture Reginald into opening the vault, but Reginald feigns ignorance about how to do so. Claude stakes Reginald in the neck (not fatal, but extremely damaging), then threatens Nikki’s life.
That’s when Maurice shows up. When Claude staked Reginald, he put his life in enough mortal danger that Maurice as Reginald’s maker was able to hone in on his location and, thanks to the adrenaline surge he got in his need to protect his progeny, fly to their location. In tow is Brian, and together, Maurice, Brian and Nikki make short work of most of the vampire soldiers. But Claude is just as ancient as Maurice, and far more physically powerful than either Maurice or Brian. Their epic fight destroys most of the graveyard, until finally, Claude stakes Maurice in the heart and kills him.
Yeah. I didn’t think Truant would do this. It was an extremely emotional death scene. I practically screamed aloud when it happened.
We learn that Maurice created Brian as well as Reginald, because Brian receives his own adrenaline spike and goes after Claude. But Claude, knowing that Brian’s rage has made him even stronger than the ancients, flees the fight. With the bad guys gone, Reginald is finally free to unlock the vault, where he finds…nothing. It’s empty.
There’s little else they can do but pack up and go home to Maurice’s mansion. There was a little bit of a missed opportunity here. I wanted to see the reaction of Maurice’s wife, but we didn’t see it. No one else, even Reginald, would have been as affected by Maurice’s death as Celeste would have been. I think it could have been an incredibly powerful scene.
Reginald, wallowing in self-pity, slowly begins to drift in his mind to the blood bond he’s always shared with Maurice. Soon, he finds himself seeming to be Maurice. The experience is disorienting, until the echoes of Maurice in his mind explain that this was the final piece of the puzzle, the final thing Reginald needed. A willing sacrifice. Pushing further, Reginald finds that he can go all the way back in his bloodline, and then down another one. He can get into Claude’s experiences. He can get into Timkin’s. He can assume the beingness of any vampire he wants to, all the way back to Cain.
So he goes back to Cain, and his own experience with the angels that set the whole vampire/human game in motion. And that’s when Reginald realizes what the codex actually is: it’s random pieces of knowledge scattered throughout the experiences of vampires throughout time, only able to be assembled by the greatest mind that vampire evolution would ever create: Reginald himself. And as he assembles the knowledge, he realizes that the endgame of the war isn’t the destruction of the humans: it’s the destruction of the vampires.
And that’s where we leave off. The plot is the perfect mix of action, humor and serious, serious shit. This is the goddamn apocalypse, and you get that with every page and paragraph. There’s no time for funny little fat jokes about Reginald. Now Reginald’s helplessness is a major liability, holding him back from no-joke saving the world. It creates a definite sense of desperation that lends itself well to the apocalyptic nature of this installment in the series.
Truant has done very well with his latest piece of the Fat Vampire puzzle. And the last piece fits into place in October. I’ll be as sad to see Reginald go as I’m sure I’ll be satisfied with the method of his departure. This is a fantastic series by a masterful author, and I’m looking forward to its conclusion with baited, blood-scented breath.
The entire series has consisted of relatively short books, not quite a novel, but not short enough to be what I consider a novella, either. This is the fifth and penultimate installment in the series (for non-word-geeks, that means it’s the second to last one).
MAIN CHARACTERS
Reginald: Reginald IS the fat vampire. He was turned at the age of 38, while vastly and grossly overweight, As a vampire, you become more of what you are. So after turning into a vampire and becoming perpetually immortal, Reginald gained all the incredible strength and speed of an average human being not restricted by obesity. However, Reginald’s mind was always his best quality, and as a vampire it became significantly more so—the fastest and brightest mind, in fact, that had ever existed in the history of the planet, vampire or human.
Nikki: Nikki is Reginald’s opposite, and therefore, obviously, his one true love. She used to work with him at the same office building back when they were both human. But Nikki was already vaguely aware of the vampire population of the world, and she wanted desperately to join them in eternal life. Part of a vampire subculture that goes through extensive physical training before turning (because the body you have when you turn is the body you’re stuck with for eternity) Nikki is physically perfect, incredibly strong and fast, and OH MY GOD SO HORNY. (Descriptions of sex scenes between Nikki and Reginald are some of the comedic highlights of the entire Fat Vampire series).
Maurice: Maurice is Reginald’s maker, the millennia-old vampire who turned Reginald to a vampire out of pity. Of course, he didn’t exactly do Reginald any favors, as it turns out. Maurice was around for Caesar and Jesus, and now wanders the earth as an early-twenties, waifish-looking goth kid who’s actually one of the more powerful vampires in existence, along with his brother Claude.
Claude: Maurice’s brother, another incredibly ancient and powerful vampire. While Claude is much more physically powerful than Maurice, Maurice tends to edge him out slightly in terms of quick thinking and craftiness. Also, Claude is a jerk.
Timkin: Timkin is the Vampire President at the start of this book. He rose to power in Fat Vampire 4. Timkin is a well-motivated but ultimately misguided vampire. He believes that war with humans and vampires is inevitable, and so he wants to make sure vampires come out on top (as opposed to Claude, for example, who just REALLY REALLY REALLY wants to kill people).
SYNOPSIS: Vampires are on the brink of full-on, true, out-and-out war with the humans. At the start of the book, things are in escalated cold war status. Random killings of humans by vampires and vampires by humans are commonplace, but both governments are trying to maintain at least some sort of facade of decency and cooperation. Reginald and crew are searching for a way to prevent the forthcoming apocalypse with minimal bloodshed to both sides, but that seems to be getting harder and harder.
PROS AND CONS: Anyone who knows me well knows that Truant is one of my favorite authors, and possibly my favorite indie author period. (His debut novel, The Bialy Pimps, is my favorite book of the last several years). He writes both individually and in collaboration with another indie author superstar, Sean Platt, and in both “incarnations” Truant’s style and skill shine through quite well.
The Fat Vampire series is an often-hilarious, surprisingly deep, and sneakily dramatic series that has impressed me (and many other readers, judging by its reviews) since its first volume. This one is no exception.
PRO: The humorous element is probably less in Fat Vampire 5 than it has been in any of the preceding books, but that’s entirely appropriate. The book isn’t titled “Fatpocalypse” because it’s all about sweetness and light. And you don’t particularly feel like jokes are missing. They’re appropriate and welcome when they appear, but if he had tried to layer too many more in, it would have detracted greatly from the intensity this book delivered.
PRO: Character development comes to the fore in this volume, but more than character development, Truant develops a lot of RELATIONSHIPS. There are certain relationships that I was completely unaware of, or didn’t realize the importance of until this book. Now, it’s like they’ve always been there, but I fully understand their significance now. For example, the relationship between Maurice and Claude (they’re brothers) was definitely explained before, but in this book that relationship came to the fore, and you got why it was IMPORTANT that they were brothers.
CON: On rare occasions, Truant has a tendency to tell things retrospectively that I believe would better be told more “immediately.” One major plot point fell victim to this in Fat Vampire 5. VERY SLIGHT SPOILER. Reginald and Nikki travel to a far destination, where they are looking for a very important figure in their quest. When they finally find that very important figure, the conversation is told retrospectively. I.e., we hear the cliffnotes version of the conversation, rather than hearing the actual dialogue between Reginald and the important person.
This is not a major detriment to the story. Often times Truant will use the device quite well. But considering how important the scene was to the story, I wanted to hear it in the “immediate voice,” if you will, rather than in summarized fashion.
PRO: Perhaps more than ever before in the series, Fat Vampire 5 illuminates the characters in the series and how unconventional they are. There are nearly no sterotypes in this book. Everyone is a little different, a little bit of an outcast, a little removed from what’s considered “normal” or “acceptable” or “beautiful” in society (whether that society is vampire or human). And as has been discussed by me and other reviewers online, the Fat Vampire series is NOT a fat-bashing series. I think it takes a special sort of delicacy to take a series idea that’s basically “a guy becomes a vampire but it’s funny because he’s fat” and yet manage not to make it a series about how helpless and weak fat people are compared to the rest of us. It could have been really offensive, but it isn’t, with Reginald becoming more important, more able and more self-sufficient with each book in the series. Again, it’s a fine line to walk, and Truant’s steps never falter.
OVERALL RATING: 4.5 OUT OF 5 STARS
SPOILER ZONE:
Beyond this point I’m going to go into the plot in pretty deep detail, so if you don’t want the book spoiled, you want to steer clear here. If this is as far as you read, I highly recommend that you go pick up the book.
Reginald and crew start off holed up in Maurice’s mansion, waiting for some sort of inciting incident to begin the whole vampire/human war. Despite Reginald’s advanced brain, he can’t figure a way out of their mess.
They’re attacked by humans, who have begun to realize that vampires are real. The humans attack during daytime and manage to kill some of the vampires holed up in Maurice’s mansion before they can retaliate. Maurice and Brian, his monolithic security chief, predictably flatten the humans in response.
Reginald feels spurred to action by the incident, and he glamours Claire, the 12-year-old human oracle, in order to find out how to bring an end to the conflict once and for all. Claire reveals the existence and a possible location for the vampire codex, which they believe to be an ancient tome that predicts how the vampire/human war will end. The only lead they have is that Karl, the head of the European vampire council, may have some insight.
There’s a philosophical discussion about the nature of fate here, which perfectly highlights the “surprisingly philosophical” quality that most of Truant’s books possess. A surface skimmer might be inclined to believe that the Fat Vampire series is one big joke about how ridiculous it would be to be a fat vampire for all eternity. Well, it is that. But discussions like this are the real strength of Truant’s writing. Is fate predestiny, or is it simply a logical conclusion of what we choose to do with our lives?
Reginald and Nikki must travel to see Karl alone. Maurice can’t leave his mansion and wife with the war about to break out for real, and Brian is bound to serve Maurice. Brian also thinks the whole thing is a lot of BS, and is very vocal about that belief.
Reginald and Nikki find that the European council has been hit hard by the humans’ Anti-Vampire Taskforce. The council was nearly wiped out by some of the humans’ new advanced anti-vampire weaponry. But Karl escaped and is hiding in Paris. He reveals the existence of a Vampire World Council, who are the ones who may actually be able to point Reginald towarad the codex. Karl is scared and seems content to hide out until the war blows over.
The war erupts while Reginald and Nikki are in Paris. Human governments officially acknowledge the existence of vampires, something they’ve been keeping hidden for a while. Vampires are perfectly poised to strike, and they do so with a vengeance. Human are wiped out in droves.
Escaping in the chaos, Reginald and Nikki travel all the way to the south pole, where the Vampire World Council is hiding. Since the northern hemisphere is experiencing summer, the south pole is in perpetual night, making it a perfect stronghold for the vampires to hide out in. In the south pole, Reginald discovers that Claude and the Annihilists have been working with the Vampire World Council for some time. This means that the worldwide vampire government has been working with Annihilist extremists all along, seemingly cementing the fate of humanity on Earth.
Claude won’t let Reginald and Nikki leave. Instead, he tries to use Reginald’s superior strategic brain to make the vampire conquest of Earth even easier. Reginald deceives him a bit, seeming to help without actually contributing anything, and meanwhile looking for the vampire seer who supposedly knows where the codex is. All he knows is that the seer is in the south pole somewhere, so whenever he’s not being forced to help Claude, he scours the base looking for the man.
The war goes worse and worse (for humanity) until finally Reginald finds the seer. He looks into his mind and finds the location of the codex: a statue of a fanged angel, hidden somewhere in the United States. He and Nikki incapacitate the seer and make their escape from the south pole base. (SIDE NOTE: This scene is the one that was told in summary, mentioned in my “CON” above.)
Reginald and Nikki eventually make their way back to America, but it seems like they’re way too late. Humanity is all but wiped out, just a few hundreds of millions of them still alive and being kept as cattle for the new vampire overlords. Maurice and the others have lost all contact, leading Reginald to believe that they’re dead.
Reginald finally finds the fanged angel statue and the vault below it that contains the codex. But before he can open it, Claude and his troopers show up. They allowed Reginald to escape so they could follow him to the codex, their ultimate goal all along. He tries to torture Reginald into opening the vault, but Reginald feigns ignorance about how to do so. Claude stakes Reginald in the neck (not fatal, but extremely damaging), then threatens Nikki’s life.
That’s when Maurice shows up. When Claude staked Reginald, he put his life in enough mortal danger that Maurice as Reginald’s maker was able to hone in on his location and, thanks to the adrenaline surge he got in his need to protect his progeny, fly to their location. In tow is Brian, and together, Maurice, Brian and Nikki make short work of most of the vampire soldiers. But Claude is just as ancient as Maurice, and far more physically powerful than either Maurice or Brian. Their epic fight destroys most of the graveyard, until finally, Claude stakes Maurice in the heart and kills him.
Yeah. I didn’t think Truant would do this. It was an extremely emotional death scene. I practically screamed aloud when it happened.
We learn that Maurice created Brian as well as Reginald, because Brian receives his own adrenaline spike and goes after Claude. But Claude, knowing that Brian’s rage has made him even stronger than the ancients, flees the fight. With the bad guys gone, Reginald is finally free to unlock the vault, where he finds…nothing. It’s empty.
There’s little else they can do but pack up and go home to Maurice’s mansion. There was a little bit of a missed opportunity here. I wanted to see the reaction of Maurice’s wife, but we didn’t see it. No one else, even Reginald, would have been as affected by Maurice’s death as Celeste would have been. I think it could have been an incredibly powerful scene.
Reginald, wallowing in self-pity, slowly begins to drift in his mind to the blood bond he’s always shared with Maurice. Soon, he finds himself seeming to be Maurice. The experience is disorienting, until the echoes of Maurice in his mind explain that this was the final piece of the puzzle, the final thing Reginald needed. A willing sacrifice. Pushing further, Reginald finds that he can go all the way back in his bloodline, and then down another one. He can get into Claude’s experiences. He can get into Timkin’s. He can assume the beingness of any vampire he wants to, all the way back to Cain.
So he goes back to Cain, and his own experience with the angels that set the whole vampire/human game in motion. And that’s when Reginald realizes what the codex actually is: it’s random pieces of knowledge scattered throughout the experiences of vampires throughout time, only able to be assembled by the greatest mind that vampire evolution would ever create: Reginald himself. And as he assembles the knowledge, he realizes that the endgame of the war isn’t the destruction of the humans: it’s the destruction of the vampires.
And that’s where we leave off. The plot is the perfect mix of action, humor and serious, serious shit. This is the goddamn apocalypse, and you get that with every page and paragraph. There’s no time for funny little fat jokes about Reginald. Now Reginald’s helplessness is a major liability, holding him back from no-joke saving the world. It creates a definite sense of desperation that lends itself well to the apocalyptic nature of this installment in the series.
Truant has done very well with his latest piece of the Fat Vampire puzzle. And the last piece fits into place in October. I’ll be as sad to see Reginald go as I’m sure I’ll be satisfied with the method of his departure. This is a fantastic series by a masterful author, and I’m looking forward to its conclusion with baited, blood-scented breath.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 20, 2017
The gang are now holed up in the mansion belonging to Maurice, which he is turning into a fortress in the hope that it will save them from vampire haters. Karl's fortress in Luxembourg has been overrun and he is hiding in Paris, suggesting that Reginald tries to seek out the Vampire World Command at the South Pole for help. Reginald wants to find the Codex, which contains all information about vampires and may tell him what is going to happen and prevent the war. Perhaps the Vampire World Command can help him to find it.
Reginald is watching the building of a moat and machine gun nests at the mansion, and wonders if it will deter the Jehovah's Witnesses, which amused me. We used to get plagued by religious people at the door but it's been years since that happened thankfully. I hate being preached at on my own doorstep. Other than a few sniggers like this, I feel that the apocalypse saga of the later books has overshadowed the humour from the early books. I do miss the regular laughs a bit although I still enjoy the stories.
Reginald and Nikki decide to leave for Paris and then the South Pole when the vampire haters are starting to kill their allies, looking for answers about the Codex. However, they are unaware of the danger of the upcoming mission or what they will find when they get there.
For me the last two books in the series were not as good as the first four, although I still enjoy Reginald's adventures. What I did like about this book, however, were a couple of surprising plot twists and especially the unexpected ending. It's difficult to say what I was expecting and what I was surprised by without giving spoilers. I suspected Claude's plan but not how it all played out. That's all I can say really!
So another decent read and I'm wondering how it all ends now...!
Reginald is watching the building of a moat and machine gun nests at the mansion, and wonders if it will deter the Jehovah's Witnesses, which amused me. We used to get plagued by religious people at the door but it's been years since that happened thankfully. I hate being preached at on my own doorstep. Other than a few sniggers like this, I feel that the apocalypse saga of the later books has overshadowed the humour from the early books. I do miss the regular laughs a bit although I still enjoy the stories.
Reginald and Nikki decide to leave for Paris and then the South Pole when the vampire haters are starting to kill their allies, looking for answers about the Codex. However, they are unaware of the danger of the upcoming mission or what they will find when they get there.
For me the last two books in the series were not as good as the first four, although I still enjoy Reginald's adventures. What I did like about this book, however, were a couple of surprising plot twists and especially the unexpected ending. It's difficult to say what I was expecting and what I was surprised by without giving spoilers. I suspected Claude's plan but not how it all played out. That's all I can say really!
So another decent read and I'm wondering how it all ends now...!
November 13, 2017
kindle unlimited
What the New Order Seeks, Reginald Must Find. The new vampire president and his psychotic right-hand man have been playing a dangerous game with the humans over the past six months. In the public eye, the two races appear to be at peace ... but the situation below the surface is hot enough to boil. And while the untrusting humans mass their defenses, vampire armies have been building to match them — with plans to exterminate the planet's current inhabitants, saving only a handful of blood slaves. Reginald, Nikki, Maurice, and the others bunkered in at Maurice's estate find themselves in the middle of a no-win scenario: Is it better to fight with their own kind in the vampire revolution? Or should they turn traitors — and risk extermination by the angels — in order to protect the humans But just as the cold war outside is about to turn hot, Reginald's ever-expanding vampire brain reveals the existence of an artifact that could predict the outcome of the coming war … and maybe even a way to stop it. The only problem is that nobody knows where the artifact is, and when war then breaks and mass slaughter begins on both sides, it seems that time may have run out.
Fat Vampire
Fat Vampire 2: Tastes Like Chicken
Fat Vampire 3: All You Can Eat
Fat Vampire 4: Harder Better Fatter Stronger
Fat Vampire 5: Fatpocalypse
Fat Vampire 6: Survival of the Fattest
Fat Vampire #1 Value Meal (Fat Vampire #1-3)
Fat Vampire Value Meal (Fat Vampire #1-4)
Fat Vampire Big Fat Box Set (Fat Vampire #1-6)
What the New Order Seeks, Reginald Must Find. The new vampire president and his psychotic right-hand man have been playing a dangerous game with the humans over the past six months. In the public eye, the two races appear to be at peace ... but the situation below the surface is hot enough to boil. And while the untrusting humans mass their defenses, vampire armies have been building to match them — with plans to exterminate the planet's current inhabitants, saving only a handful of blood slaves. Reginald, Nikki, Maurice, and the others bunkered in at Maurice's estate find themselves in the middle of a no-win scenario: Is it better to fight with their own kind in the vampire revolution? Or should they turn traitors — and risk extermination by the angels — in order to protect the humans But just as the cold war outside is about to turn hot, Reginald's ever-expanding vampire brain reveals the existence of an artifact that could predict the outcome of the coming war … and maybe even a way to stop it. The only problem is that nobody knows where the artifact is, and when war then breaks and mass slaughter begins on both sides, it seems that time may have run out.
Fat Vampire
Fat Vampire 2: Tastes Like Chicken
Fat Vampire 3: All You Can Eat
Fat Vampire 4: Harder Better Fatter Stronger
Fat Vampire 5: Fatpocalypse
Fat Vampire 6: Survival of the Fattest
Fat Vampire #1 Value Meal (Fat Vampire #1-3)
Fat Vampire Value Meal (Fat Vampire #1-4)
Fat Vampire Big Fat Box Set (Fat Vampire #1-6)
February 1, 2021
Note: I listened to an audio version of this book that isn't currently listed on Goodreads.com so I am placing my review here.
So I just blew through all the "Fat Vampire" books in a couple days and they all get "worth the read". This is partly due to the sense of humor employed by the author in the telling but even more so in a pretty good story told well. These are not perfect stories, in particular the MC has a mind-boggling intelligence and yet gets surprised repeatedly. You'd think a highly intelligent being would consider the possibility the bad guys would betray him before it ever happened, let alone by the fifth time it happens, and yet the MC is surprised every time. This is in part due the author painting himself in a corner, by which I mean the MC is given such great mental powers that the author is forced to have his MC surprised to move the author's chosen story forward. However this is also the problem since the author has given the MC such great mental powers it should be impossible to surprise him.
Also, I found the first book the most enjoyable because the MC is dealing with his own immediate problems. Then the MC is put in the position of saving or damning the world. While I can enjoy those stories they only have one possible outcome. Still, the author gets quite inventive in those outcomes so the bottom line is:
While not perfect, these are very enjoyable humous stories that are worth the read.
So I just blew through all the "Fat Vampire" books in a couple days and they all get "worth the read". This is partly due to the sense of humor employed by the author in the telling but even more so in a pretty good story told well. These are not perfect stories, in particular the MC has a mind-boggling intelligence and yet gets surprised repeatedly. You'd think a highly intelligent being would consider the possibility the bad guys would betray him before it ever happened, let alone by the fifth time it happens, and yet the MC is surprised every time. This is in part due the author painting himself in a corner, by which I mean the MC is given such great mental powers that the author is forced to have his MC surprised to move the author's chosen story forward. However this is also the problem since the author has given the MC such great mental powers it should be impossible to surprise him.
Also, I found the first book the most enjoyable because the MC is dealing with his own immediate problems. Then the MC is put in the position of saving or damning the world. While I can enjoy those stories they only have one possible outcome. Still, the author gets quite inventive in those outcomes so the bottom line is:
While not perfect, these are very enjoyable humous stories that are worth the read.
August 19, 2018
Book five
Mistakes: Didn't really have any, but I did find a few places where the flow of the story could be improved.
Plot: much better than the last two books. Instead of watching others plot and plan we get some action.
Characters: Well some die and a handful of side characters take a more central roll, but they were never fleshed out. So I couldn't care less about them.
I rate this 6/10
Mistakes: Didn't really have any, but I did find a few places where the flow of the story could be improved.
Plot: much better than the last two books. Instead of watching others plot and plan we get some action.
Characters: Well some die and a handful of side characters take a more central roll, but they were never fleshed out. So I couldn't care less about them.
I rate this 6/10
February 7, 2021
Book 5 in the Fat Vampire series. It turns out that whatever condition you are when you are turned into a vampire, you will always be. If you were a child, you will always be a child.Reginald was fat. He will always be fat. But he was extremely smart. He will always be extremely smart. In fact he is a vampire genius.
War has broken out- vampires against humans. This is a continuation of the story.
War has broken out- vampires against humans. This is a continuation of the story.
March 9, 2018
Enjoying the series. I still find it a bit predictable. I will say On to the 6th book in the series.
August 29, 2018
The bigger picture.
Vampires and humans are at war, the blood is flowing and the death toll rises. Reggie has a mission to find a codex of spoilers for the end game. Gutted about the ending of this one. It’s the end of fun Reggie.
Vampires and humans are at war, the blood is flowing and the death toll rises. Reggie has a mission to find a codex of spoilers for the end game. Gutted about the ending of this one. It’s the end of fun Reggie.
September 5, 2017
Wow I really enjoyed this one.
I can't wait to read book 6. I think if done right this would be a great movie or tv show. I really do recommend that people read this series.
I can't wait to read book 6. I think if done right this would be a great movie or tv show. I really do recommend that people read this series.
January 4, 2018
Tear jerker this time
Another awesome book by Johnny brought tears to my eyes and some parts no spoilers but it'll kill you too
Another awesome book by Johnny brought tears to my eyes and some parts no spoilers but it'll kill you too
March 2, 2018
The book is brain candy, pure and simple. This isn't even in the same plane of existence as high literature, but it is an easy read and thoroughly entertaining.
March 19, 2020
Loved this series. Sad it's over.
July 23, 2020
Fat Vampire 5 Review
Well done and it was as entertaining as usual. This book was the best so far.
I really liked the ending and I'm excited to see how the next book plays out.
Well done and it was as entertaining as usual. This book was the best so far.
I really liked the ending and I'm excited to see how the next book plays out.
November 18, 2020
Somethings haven't gone as the group thought they would.They seem to be in the endgame now.
November 10, 2022
free to go home
vamps openly kill
humans defend themselves
search for codex
girl controls internet and helps
war begins
vamps win
vamps openly kill
humans defend themselves
search for codex
girl controls internet and helps
war begins
vamps win
February 16, 2017
The plot takes a serious turn
OK, this book impressed me. It was obvious that the human/vampire conflict was going to escalate. The prior 4 books built up to that. But the world is in a shambles, humans are an endangered species, and vampires ate running the show. But Reginald can't accept that and searches for the codex that supposedly describes the interplay between humans and vampires. Will his unique brain allow him to determine the whereabouts of this codex? What about Claire, the pre-teen oracle? She's the closest thing to a modern day Merlin. What is her role? Read the book to find out....
OK, this book impressed me. It was obvious that the human/vampire conflict was going to escalate. The prior 4 books built up to that. But the world is in a shambles, humans are an endangered species, and vampires ate running the show. But Reginald can't accept that and searches for the codex that supposedly describes the interplay between humans and vampires. Will his unique brain allow him to determine the whereabouts of this codex? What about Claire, the pre-teen oracle? She's the closest thing to a modern day Merlin. What is her role? Read the book to find out....
May 13, 2016
3.5
I'm really torn about this one. There were things I really liked. For example, Reginald's character growth, the unexpected discussion of free will and predestination, and the high-tech aspect of the vampire/human war. The last two chapters of the book, too, were really engaging.
But, even though things are getting really bad for Earth in this book, I couldn't feel it. First, I think there was too much analysis and explanation of the politics, the factions, and the characters' motivations, without letting the readers actually witness much of it. Plot-wise, and with Reginald as our narrator, maybe that was unavoidable. However, it bordered dangerously on too much telling and not enough showing. Plus, it has been so long since Reginald has engaged in conversation with any humans (and I'm not counting Clair), that his need to fight for them and the danger they are facing felt somehow hollow.
So. The good with the bad. One book left, in any case! I'll see how Reginald's story ends!
I'm really torn about this one. There were things I really liked. For example, Reginald's character growth, the unexpected discussion of free will and predestination, and the high-tech aspect of the vampire/human war. The last two chapters of the book, too, were really engaging.
But, even though things are getting really bad for Earth in this book, I couldn't feel it. First, I think there was too much analysis and explanation of the politics, the factions, and the characters' motivations, without letting the readers actually witness much of it. Plot-wise, and with Reginald as our narrator, maybe that was unavoidable. However, it bordered dangerously on too much telling and not enough showing. Plus, it has been so long since Reginald has engaged in conversation with any humans (and I'm not counting Clair), that his need to fight for them and the danger they are facing felt somehow hollow.
So. The good with the bad. One book left, in any case! I'll see how Reginald's story ends!
January 6, 2015
Wow, just wow
The beginning of the human/vampire apocalypse and Reginald and his gang are stuck in the middle. This book was like a rollercoaster ride. One minute I'm thinking Reginald is going to fail at trying to stop the war between humans and vampires and the next there is a glimmer of hope. There was one thing I did not see coming, it was a total jaw dropping shocker. I won't spoil it for anyone else but I will say I was shocked and sad at the event. Another great page Turner from Truant!! Can't wait to read the next one to see what happens next. Will Reginald solve the codec and stop the war??
The beginning of the human/vampire apocalypse and Reginald and his gang are stuck in the middle. This book was like a rollercoaster ride. One minute I'm thinking Reginald is going to fail at trying to stop the war between humans and vampires and the next there is a glimmer of hope. There was one thing I did not see coming, it was a total jaw dropping shocker. I won't spoil it for anyone else but I will say I was shocked and sad at the event. Another great page Turner from Truant!! Can't wait to read the next one to see what happens next. Will Reginald solve the codec and stop the war??
February 17, 2015
A very fast read that moves the overall story along to it's final conclusion in the next book (presumably.)
The book was surpisingly apocolyptic, and the conclusions revealed at the end of the book were relatively predictable, but it does a great job of making you want the final book in the series while still providing a good story in and of itself. I probably wouldn't recommend reading it without reading the prior books, however, as a lot of what is referenced won't make much sense if you are coming in near the end so it won't stand exactly on its own very well.
The book was surpisingly apocolyptic, and the conclusions revealed at the end of the book were relatively predictable, but it does a great job of making you want the final book in the series while still providing a good story in and of itself. I probably wouldn't recommend reading it without reading the prior books, however, as a lot of what is referenced won't make much sense if you are coming in near the end so it won't stand exactly on its own very well.
February 27, 2015
The rest of the books following the first were just as well written, but the plot and characters were much more filled out. I started reading this series as a joke, the first book was free and looked funny, so I thought what the heck? I'm so glad I did. I really enjoyed the twists and turns along the way while trying to figure out the underlying mystery. The only I wished was included was a peek into the underground human society, but since the story is told by a fat vampire I guess we can't all get what we want. I am supersized to hear myself say I am sorry to see this series end.
June 30, 2014
There were a few places during the VWC escapade where the writing felt rushed and a couple of important scenes were glossed over in summary, but Fatpocalypse is still awesome. You can feel the tension building toward the final book in the Fat Vampire series—which you're going to want to read immediately after finishing Fatpocalypse. Actually, I'm keeping this review short because I want to get started on Survival of the Fattest as soon as possible.
August 9, 2015
Five and six are my least favorite of the series. The fifth book seems designed only to get to the sixth book. I felt like not much happened in this book on its own. In that way it might be useful to think of this as a Fat Vampire 5 Part 1, and the next book is part 2. Hunger Games style, or the upcoming Avengers 3. The humor dries up later in the series, and Reginald's talents feel far more mundane after this many books.
March 30, 2016
I had a slight delay (years) between reading the 4th book and #5, so it took me a while to get back in the flow of Fat Vampire. The beginning was a little slow, but the end really ramps up. Looking forward to reading the final book.
January 24, 2017
The war between the vamps and the humans reaches new awful heights.. Can Fat Reggie really save the day? And anyway what is the answer -does one species have to be wiped out completely before the war is over?
I'm scared
I'm scared
March 28, 2016
Almost done with the series.
November 1, 2014
On to book 6! I wanna know what happens!
December 4, 2014
Now we're talking! This 5th book in the series really hit the nail on the hammer! Everything had been set in motion and the war will finally begin!
March 29, 2015
this has been too drawn out....the fat vampire theme has been drawn out too far...don't know if i will read the last book, it has gotten boring...
March 18, 2015
Things aren't looking good for the future of mankind which makes book five an exciting read. I particularly liked that nothing turns out the way you would expect.
June 22, 2016
omg the ending :(
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