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How to Die in Paris: A Memoir
這或許是最黑暗、最悲傷也最真實的遊記。
她不是去巴黎找浪漫，也沒有如願找死成功，
卻意外找回了自己，找回人生的意義。
我覺得我的人生很不對勁！
我害怕看別人的眼睛、
害怕觸動書店的感應器即使我沒偷東西、
害怕有親密關係除非我喝醉、
害怕遠處的警笛聲是為我而來。
我的男友已婚。
我兩個最好的朋友，目前在零售店裡工作，
曾經小心地輕聲對我說：「紫色是新的黑色，正流行。」
我已經兩年沒跟父母聯絡了，
家族中的任何人－－爺爺、阿姨、叔叔，
甚至我的弟弟史都華－－也從不過問。
有天早上，我一直轉動著房間的百葉窗桿子，
試著把它們盡可能閉緊，讓陽光完全無法照射進來。
我的人生真的很不對勁！
所以我把帳戶裡僅剩不多的存款變成一張單程機票，
我要逃到巴黎！我的夢想之地。
就算是死，我也要死在那裡。
在這本深刻、黑暗卻又不時穿插幽默文句的回憶錄中，有著不堪回首的過往的年輕女子娜圖莉決定結束自己的生命，但在那之前，她希望前往夢想中的法國巴黎旅遊。但她當初的決定卻讓她流落巴黎街頭，陷入萬般絕望，甚至想過就在巴黎結束自己的生命。
身無分文的無助及對陌生環境的恐懼不斷侵蝕著她，為了填飽自己肚子及睡上一晚好覺，她開始尋求男人的幫助，希望能得到拯救。當中，有讓她感受到移民者於異地掙扎的窮困義大利人，有想要占她便宜的有錢巴黎矮胖男子，還有帶她回家、最後卻又讓她掉入痛苦深淵的突尼西亞美男子。每一段際遇都觸及她孩童時期的無比傷痛，讓她必須跟過去黑暗的自己對抗，這樣的掙扎讓她甚至失去在巴黎街頭求生的勇氣。
她在咖啡店裡，對著收留過她的男人生平第一次說出母親在她四歲時就開始對她做出「不應該」的事，而冷漠的父親竟只選擇置身事外。她痛恨母親的殘忍，更怨恨父親的漠視。在經歷悲傷、痛苦及掙扎之後，她開始自我療癒，找尋繼續活下去的勇氣……
她不是去巴黎找浪漫，也沒有如願找死成功，
卻意外找回了自己，找回人生的意義。
我覺得我的人生很不對勁！
我害怕看別人的眼睛、
害怕觸動書店的感應器即使我沒偷東西、
害怕有親密關係除非我喝醉、
害怕遠處的警笛聲是為我而來。
我的男友已婚。
我兩個最好的朋友，目前在零售店裡工作，
曾經小心地輕聲對我說：「紫色是新的黑色，正流行。」
我已經兩年沒跟父母聯絡了，
家族中的任何人－－爺爺、阿姨、叔叔，
甚至我的弟弟史都華－－也從不過問。
有天早上，我一直轉動著房間的百葉窗桿子，
試著把它們盡可能閉緊，讓陽光完全無法照射進來。
我的人生真的很不對勁！
所以我把帳戶裡僅剩不多的存款變成一張單程機票，
我要逃到巴黎！我的夢想之地。
就算是死，我也要死在那裡。
在這本深刻、黑暗卻又不時穿插幽默文句的回憶錄中，有著不堪回首的過往的年輕女子娜圖莉決定結束自己的生命，但在那之前，她希望前往夢想中的法國巴黎旅遊。但她當初的決定卻讓她流落巴黎街頭，陷入萬般絕望，甚至想過就在巴黎結束自己的生命。
身無分文的無助及對陌生環境的恐懼不斷侵蝕著她，為了填飽自己肚子及睡上一晚好覺，她開始尋求男人的幫助，希望能得到拯救。當中，有讓她感受到移民者於異地掙扎的窮困義大利人，有想要占她便宜的有錢巴黎矮胖男子，還有帶她回家、最後卻又讓她掉入痛苦深淵的突尼西亞美男子。每一段際遇都觸及她孩童時期的無比傷痛，讓她必須跟過去黑暗的自己對抗，這樣的掙扎讓她甚至失去在巴黎街頭求生的勇氣。
她在咖啡店裡，對著收留過她的男人生平第一次說出母親在她四歲時就開始對她做出「不應該」的事，而冷漠的父親竟只選擇置身事外。她痛恨母親的殘忍，更怨恨父親的漠視。在經歷悲傷、痛苦及掙扎之後，她開始自我療癒，找尋繼續活下去的勇氣……
278 pages, Paperback
First published November 22, 2011
2 people are currently reading
93 people want to read
About the author
Naturi Thomas
3 books6 followersNaturi Thomas currently lives in London, home of awesome pubs, soggy weather and, compared to New York, a shockingly clean subway system. She's currently putting the finishing touches on both a novel and a prequel to '...Paris'
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
February 24, 2012
Read this one in one day. This is a powerful book.
I love travel memoirs, especially when there's some struggle involved. At first I thought this might be a mixed race/African-American girl from Newark's version of Down and Out in Paris and London, but it goes a bit deeper than that. I found myself sobbing by the end of it.
Not sure why the editorial review here on Goodreads describes the author as middle-class, though. Somehow I think growing up in a small apartment in Newark, NJ with a father who often lost his job, couldn't pay the bills, and who never spent more than $200 for a used car does not make me think middle-class.
I love travel memoirs, especially when there's some struggle involved. At first I thought this might be a mixed race/African-American girl from Newark's version of Down and Out in Paris and London, but it goes a bit deeper than that. I found myself sobbing by the end of it.
Not sure why the editorial review here on Goodreads describes the author as middle-class, though. Somehow I think growing up in a small apartment in Newark, NJ with a father who often lost his job, couldn't pay the bills, and who never spent more than $200 for a used car does not make me think middle-class.
February 8, 2012
First things first: Naturi Thomas is a wonderful writer. Her imagery's imaginative. She punctuates hardship with wit. And her work makes for a quick read.
But--and I always hesitate to make this admission with memoir, because it's hard to critique content without critiquing a real person's *life*--I found myself annoyed and detached and bordering on unsympathetic through most of the narrative. Thomas' account of entering Paris with about 5 euros (that quickly dwindle to 53 "cent"(?)), then randomly following a series of shady men to their various places of squattership and residence, seemed far too reckless for me to imagine. She opens by discussing her "great" and varied friends, all of whom were encouraging of her trip abroad and of her keeping in touch while she was there. Why not bum a few euros off strangers to use cafe internet and ask her friends for a loan? Why immediately jump to greasy, near-homeless men who expect sex in exchange for a shower or sandwich?
Ostensibly, Thomas is this fatalistic because she "wants to kill herself" (hence the title), but I never bought that she wanted to die. I guess this was supposed to be the running joke of the whole thing; she often quips about how halfhearted her suicide plans/attempts are. And it isn't until a major confessional twist in the third act that I even understood why she'd want to die. She describes her family life as both verbally abusive and whimsical, but without the context of the third act, I didn't understand her at all.
The saving grace is that this confession does make all the difference in my ability to accept everything that preceded it, to hold deep sympathy for Thomas (a really great imagined trip to Paris with her toddler-self drove that sympathy home), and to understand Thomas' reckless, fatalistic attitude.
I didn't like having to wait that long, didn't like that there was no allusion to this secret earlier in the text (unless I missed it), and didn't like having to rethink the entire nightmarish travelogue in light of it. But as a storytelling choice--and a psychological one--I get why it was withheld in the book and suppressed in life.
All in all, I'd recommend this--many, many people already are--but with the caveat that if you're like me (put off by the events that occur during most of work), hang in there; it's likely you'll really "get it" in the end.
But--and I always hesitate to make this admission with memoir, because it's hard to critique content without critiquing a real person's *life*--I found myself annoyed and detached and bordering on unsympathetic through most of the narrative. Thomas' account of entering Paris with about 5 euros (that quickly dwindle to 53 "cent"(?)), then randomly following a series of shady men to their various places of squattership and residence, seemed far too reckless for me to imagine. She opens by discussing her "great" and varied friends, all of whom were encouraging of her trip abroad and of her keeping in touch while she was there. Why not bum a few euros off strangers to use cafe internet and ask her friends for a loan? Why immediately jump to greasy, near-homeless men who expect sex in exchange for a shower or sandwich?
Ostensibly, Thomas is this fatalistic because she "wants to kill herself" (hence the title), but I never bought that she wanted to die. I guess this was supposed to be the running joke of the whole thing; she often quips about how halfhearted her suicide plans/attempts are. And it isn't until a major confessional twist in the third act that I even understood why she'd want to die. She describes her family life as both verbally abusive and whimsical, but without the context of the third act, I didn't understand her at all.
The saving grace is that this confession does make all the difference in my ability to accept everything that preceded it, to hold deep sympathy for Thomas (a really great imagined trip to Paris with her toddler-self drove that sympathy home), and to understand Thomas' reckless, fatalistic attitude.
I didn't like having to wait that long, didn't like that there was no allusion to this secret earlier in the text (unless I missed it), and didn't like having to rethink the entire nightmarish travelogue in light of it. But as a storytelling choice--and a psychological one--I get why it was withheld in the book and suppressed in life.
All in all, I'd recommend this--many, many people already are--but with the caveat that if you're like me (put off by the events that occur during most of work), hang in there; it's likely you'll really "get it" in the end.
February 13, 2019
Gawd... Bored me to death. A whiny memoir about self-inflicted misery.
January 31, 2019
“When one realizes his life is worthless, he either commits suicide or travels.” –Edward Dahlberg, Reasons of the Heart (On Futility)
As a young woman, Naturi Thomas decides life is not worth living, at least not life as she knows it. She decides to get away from her home in New York City to the City of Light. Perhaps she will find a way to die there, but she is not sure how she will do it. She attempts to starve herself, but her hunger makes her a coward. She thinks she might allow the cold, wet elements to do her in, but her traitorous body seizes opportunities to stay warm with handsome strangers. As she struggles on the fence of life or death, her turbulent past continues to haunt her, while a nagging hope urges her to press on no matter how ragged her weary feet become. Ultimately, her choice to die in the city most known for fullness of life, beauty, adventure, romance, and glamour, may be a reflection of a deeper joie de vivre that cannot be so easily dissuaded. Perhaps behind every death wish is a wish for something far grander than we can imagine, but that our inner wisdom knows exists, somewhere and somehow. Sometimes, it takes diving into the depths in order to discover we seek the Light. Thomas’ memoir is beautifully written, dreadfully honest, and an exhortation to not only survive, but to thrive.
“But I have to believe everything happens for a reason. And that includes the way we suffer, and the lessons that suffering imparts to us.” –Naturi Thomas
As a young woman, Naturi Thomas decides life is not worth living, at least not life as she knows it. She decides to get away from her home in New York City to the City of Light. Perhaps she will find a way to die there, but she is not sure how she will do it. She attempts to starve herself, but her hunger makes her a coward. She thinks she might allow the cold, wet elements to do her in, but her traitorous body seizes opportunities to stay warm with handsome strangers. As she struggles on the fence of life or death, her turbulent past continues to haunt her, while a nagging hope urges her to press on no matter how ragged her weary feet become. Ultimately, her choice to die in the city most known for fullness of life, beauty, adventure, romance, and glamour, may be a reflection of a deeper joie de vivre that cannot be so easily dissuaded. Perhaps behind every death wish is a wish for something far grander than we can imagine, but that our inner wisdom knows exists, somewhere and somehow. Sometimes, it takes diving into the depths in order to discover we seek the Light. Thomas’ memoir is beautifully written, dreadfully honest, and an exhortation to not only survive, but to thrive.
“But I have to believe everything happens for a reason. And that includes the way we suffer, and the lessons that suffering imparts to us.” –Naturi Thomas
April 8, 2016
A cautionary tale of how not to go to Paris. A thirty-year-old woman without much of a future runs away to Europe to escape her problems. After being fired from a translation position in Rome, she decides to go to Paris because she wants to see it before she kills herself. She spends several days being homeless in Paris, goes home with more than one strange man and eventually works her problems.
Want to Read
December 13, 2011This book was highlighted in Shelf Awareness, described as "astonishing."
August 28, 2012
This is one of the most powerful books I've read in ages. It's a deep and painful memoir that left me with a new view of life...
August 14, 2016
Some hilarious lines.
February 28, 2013
This girl never wanted to kill herself.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews