What do you think?
Rate this book
Belonging Everywhere and Nowhere: Insights into Counseling the Globally Mobile
Bushong, a licensed marriage and family therapist, delves into this previously, unexplored world of how to effectively counsel clients raised outside of their parents' home culture. The readers will discover what are the basic characteristics and counseling skills effective with Third Culture Kids (those who have spent the majority of their developmental years outside of their passport country). Because of the rapid growth of the expat community, counselors must look at the uniqueness of working with children who grow up as a Third Culture Kid, the common presenting issues for adults TCKs and what often lies hidden beneath the surface. The book is filled with practical examples, interesting stories, tips, charts, resources, theories, techniques and discussion questions for further study.
- GenresPsychologyNonfiction
296 pages, Paperback
First published September 23, 2013
37 people are currently reading
209 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
May 21, 2023
Super repetitive and slow. I got nothing out of this book that I did not get out of Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among Worlds, though this one was perhaps better organized, and I loved the cultural iceberg graphic.
People think a culture is a language, holidays, traditions, race, food, and mode of dress, but a culture goes far deeper than that, a culture is a set of values, a heroic archetype to worship, beliefs, worldview, etc. People raised without a culture or in many cultures are more tolerant and sensitive, but they spend their entire lives grieving the loss of something they never had - belonging. They are adaptable, and it could be argued smarter in some ways than those raised solidly in one culture, but they will never feel the peace and confidence that those raised in one culture will feel.
My main takeaway remains: Choosing to raise a child multiculturally should never be done without serious study and an understanding of what you are doing to your kid. We are so busy idealizing being multicultural today that we don't pay attention to how psychologically traumatizing it is to children and the intense lifelong impact it causes. It's possible that, if done correctly, being multicultural (and therefore sentenced to a lifetime of deep loneliness) can be an advantage. But if done by parents who don't know what they are doing, who don't know how to survive and thrive as lonely outcasts ... it's just tragic. [My non p.c. rule of thumb would be if you and your partner have IQ's above 120 and aren't intimidated or afraid of depression, go for it, otherwise I highly recommend marrying within your culture.]
I would enjoy a study done on the multigenerational effects of TCKs. I would like to know the long term reproductive consequences i.e. do TCKs have a harder time finding mates, staying mated, and having children? Do these family lines end one or two generations after the first TCK was born? Does the TCK inflict TCKness on his own children or does he marry and choose a culture and his family line eventually belongs again? As far as I know humans have been mating outside of their cultural group since the beginning of time, but also as far as I know, the children were then raised in one culture, not two.
Would the kids of parents from two different cultures be better off if their parents picked a dominant culture and went with it rather than gift their children with a lifetime of Never Truly Belonging? But what about the psychological effects of being a member of a culture in which you cannot ever truly look the part? I haven't researched this enough, but I have a sneaking suspicion that a child would be better off being a non-ideal-physical specimen of a specific culture rather than being raised to be a psychological mess. Though ... this is only if you value happiness. Happy people might be raised solidly in one culture and live in a culturally homogenous area. But happy people aren't necessarily the best at surviving.
On that note: Immigrant leaves home country because home culture sucks. Home culture has created third world hell hole. Immigrant moves to America which has a successful culture. Immigrants used to dream of adopting the successful culture and becoming American. But forty or so years ago our society started encouraging immigrants not to. Why? Why on Earth would we, as a society, want those from unsuccessful cultures to bring that here? Culture is a technology. It's not something we have to feel so attached to.
But cultures cannot be separated from their archetypal heroes and a specific physical appearance that is ideal. Will the US really be able to pull off what it is attempting in making the claim that being an American doesn't have a specific look? Is that where all the tattoos and piercings and dyed hair and feminizing men and masculizing women is coming from? If a culture is founded on its hero and its hero cannot look like anything ... what do people strive for?
It seems to me that in the newest generation there will be more TCKs than ever - America idealizes it now. We think that sensitive, depressed people are the key to world peace. And they may be, but they may also be too unhappy and ungrounded to reproduce.
Anyway, super interesting subject. But not an in depth book on it at all. I don't meant to leave anyone with the impression that any of these questions are addressed in this book. This book is focused on helping adult TCKs deal with the inevitable depression, disconnection, wanderlust, and loneliness they will feel as adults.
People think a culture is a language, holidays, traditions, race, food, and mode of dress, but a culture goes far deeper than that, a culture is a set of values, a heroic archetype to worship, beliefs, worldview, etc. People raised without a culture or in many cultures are more tolerant and sensitive, but they spend their entire lives grieving the loss of something they never had - belonging. They are adaptable, and it could be argued smarter in some ways than those raised solidly in one culture, but they will never feel the peace and confidence that those raised in one culture will feel.
My main takeaway remains: Choosing to raise a child multiculturally should never be done without serious study and an understanding of what you are doing to your kid. We are so busy idealizing being multicultural today that we don't pay attention to how psychologically traumatizing it is to children and the intense lifelong impact it causes. It's possible that, if done correctly, being multicultural (and therefore sentenced to a lifetime of deep loneliness) can be an advantage. But if done by parents who don't know what they are doing, who don't know how to survive and thrive as lonely outcasts ... it's just tragic. [My non p.c. rule of thumb would be if you and your partner have IQ's above 120 and aren't intimidated or afraid of depression, go for it, otherwise I highly recommend marrying within your culture.]
I would enjoy a study done on the multigenerational effects of TCKs. I would like to know the long term reproductive consequences i.e. do TCKs have a harder time finding mates, staying mated, and having children? Do these family lines end one or two generations after the first TCK was born? Does the TCK inflict TCKness on his own children or does he marry and choose a culture and his family line eventually belongs again? As far as I know humans have been mating outside of their cultural group since the beginning of time, but also as far as I know, the children were then raised in one culture, not two.
Would the kids of parents from two different cultures be better off if their parents picked a dominant culture and went with it rather than gift their children with a lifetime of Never Truly Belonging? But what about the psychological effects of being a member of a culture in which you cannot ever truly look the part? I haven't researched this enough, but I have a sneaking suspicion that a child would be better off being a non-ideal-physical specimen of a specific culture rather than being raised to be a psychological mess. Though ... this is only if you value happiness. Happy people might be raised solidly in one culture and live in a culturally homogenous area. But happy people aren't necessarily the best at surviving.
On that note: Immigrant leaves home country because home culture sucks. Home culture has created third world hell hole. Immigrant moves to America which has a successful culture. Immigrants used to dream of adopting the successful culture and becoming American. But forty or so years ago our society started encouraging immigrants not to. Why? Why on Earth would we, as a society, want those from unsuccessful cultures to bring that here? Culture is a technology. It's not something we have to feel so attached to.
But cultures cannot be separated from their archetypal heroes and a specific physical appearance that is ideal. Will the US really be able to pull off what it is attempting in making the claim that being an American doesn't have a specific look? Is that where all the tattoos and piercings and dyed hair and feminizing men and masculizing women is coming from? If a culture is founded on its hero and its hero cannot look like anything ... what do people strive for?
It seems to me that in the newest generation there will be more TCKs than ever - America idealizes it now. We think that sensitive, depressed people are the key to world peace. And they may be, but they may also be too unhappy and ungrounded to reproduce.
Anyway, super interesting subject. But not an in depth book on it at all. I don't meant to leave anyone with the impression that any of these questions are addressed in this book. This book is focused on helping adult TCKs deal with the inevitable depression, disconnection, wanderlust, and loneliness they will feel as adults.
March 12, 2020
This is a fantastic book for professional counselors (from psychologists to pastoral counselors) to better understand their TCK clients and how to treat them effectively. It covers the basics of what a TCK is and then goes deep into treatment methods, common struggles TCKs face and even how to say goodbye well at the end of therapy.
I really loved her creative therapeutic techniques, like making an identity model showing who you look like to others and how you feel on the inside by using a collage on a paper bag. Highly recommend to anyone who counsels TCKs or works with them in TCK care.
I really loved her creative therapeutic techniques, like making an identity model showing who you look like to others and how you feel on the inside by using a collage on a paper bag. Highly recommend to anyone who counsels TCKs or works with them in TCK care.
February 23, 2018
Phenomenal gift to the Third Culture and those who have devoted their lives to cross-cultural counseling. Lois' book filled a real need for mental health expertise in the existing Third Culture Kid theory & coaching literature. Very glad I bought this book as I will refer back to it many times, first as a TCK, second as a parent of TCKs, third as a cheerleader of all those who share this fantastic culture. I already highlighted most of it on my first pass...
July 31, 2017
A fantastic reference book for counsellors with clients who are globally mobile, to help them understand the issues and trauma they have lived through that might not be obvious, even to the client. As a Third Culture Kid myself, I found this book extremely useful in furthering my understanding of my own world, and how I was raised.
July 18, 2019
This was super-helpful to me. Though I appreciate the classic TCK-book by Ruth Van Reken, this book seemed to offer me more depth and insight on the issues global kids and adults may need help navigating.
February 9, 2018
Book about being a TCK.
July 23, 2018
A fascinating read! The intended audience are professional counselors (which I am not), but I was able to understand and apply a few concepts to my own life. I found many of her insights applicable, such as this one, "We need to look at these various responses you have to growing up among many cultural worlds and see which ones are serving you well, which ones are not helping you now as an adult and which characteristics you want to enhance" (p. 13).
June 10, 2016
It took me a really long time to finish this book. I'm not sure if it was a result of where I was in life, or just the fact that the beginning is heavy on theory and low on application, but I'm glad I finished it! There's a ton of great applications in the second half of the book. I would highly recommend this book to people looking for an introduction to counseling globally mobile individuals.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews