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What happens in Brussels stays in Brussels
"Għandu l-bajd," kien iħobb jgħid missier Gustav hu u jsegwi l-battalji ta' Charlo Pulis fil-Parlament Ewropew via l-aħbarijiet tas-sebgħa u nofs fuq is-Super One. "Għandu l-bajd, dat-tifel. Wieħed hekk irridu aħna, fl-Ewropa. Mela xi żobb ġo bott …"
Milied 2011: il-ġurnalist Gustav Azzopardi jitla' Brussell biex jintervista lill-MEP Laburist Charlo Pulis. Fil-kapitali Belġjana, Gustav jiltaqa' mar-realtajiet differenti tad-dijaspora Maltija trapjantata fil-Kontinent wara d-dħul ta' Malta fl-Unjoni Ewropea. Is-segretarja sexy tal-MEP, Larissa Demajo, li skont ma jgħidu ma tistax tara qalziet. L-eks namrata tiegħu Alexia, impjegata mal-istituzzjonijiet Ewropej u konvalexxenti mill-enneżmu intriċċ amoruż. Fuq kollox, Gustav isib ruħu wiċċ imb wiċċ mal-iskiżofreniji ta' ġens li għadu ma ddeċidiex xi jrid ikun tassew … lanqas issa li għaddew kważi għaxar snin mir-referendum għas-sħubija ta' pajjiżna mal-Unjoni: Ewropew, jew Malti l-ewwel u qabel kollox?
Milied 2011: il-ġurnalist Gustav Azzopardi jitla' Brussell biex jintervista lill-MEP Laburist Charlo Pulis. Fil-kapitali Belġjana, Gustav jiltaqa' mar-realtajiet differenti tad-dijaspora Maltija trapjantata fil-Kontinent wara d-dħul ta' Malta fl-Unjoni Ewropea. Is-segretarja sexy tal-MEP, Larissa Demajo, li skont ma jgħidu ma tistax tara qalziet. L-eks namrata tiegħu Alexia, impjegata mal-istituzzjonijiet Ewropej u konvalexxenti mill-enneżmu intriċċ amoruż. Fuq kollox, Gustav isib ruħu wiċċ imb wiċċ mal-iskiżofreniji ta' ġens li għadu ma ddeċidiex xi jrid ikun tassew … lanqas issa li għaddew kważi għaxar snin mir-referendum għas-sħubija ta' pajjiżna mal-Unjoni: Ewropew, jew Malti l-ewwel u qabel kollox?
304 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2013
81 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
October 9, 2013
Bla ma nnaqqas mill-impatt li kellu “Nbid ta’ Kuljum” fix-xena lokali, fl-opinjoni tiegħi “Brussell” huwa l-aħjar ktieb ta’ Stagno s’issa. Apparti l-istil tipiku tiegħu li issa sirna nistennew, dan huwa l-ewwel wieħed li jista’ jiġi nterpretat fuq livelli differenti bħal ngħidu aħna litteralment, satirikament bħala statement għas-sitwazzjoni politika u anki bħala metafora ta’ pajjiż skizzofreniku jipprova jibbilanċja bejn l-istabilita’, avventuri imprudenti u nostalġija lejn passat probabilment immaġinat.
March 28, 2025
An enjoyable read in Stagno's unmistakable style. I gave it four stars, perhaps because I hoped for a deeper exploration of the Maltese character. Nevertheless, it’s refreshing to come across a book written in such rich Maltese vernacular — sadly still a rarity. Another Stagno book would be more than welcome, especially as the Maltese identity continues to evolve since this book was published, amidst newfound affluence and the growing presence of a foreign working class.
November 11, 2013
This review was first published on The Sunday Times of Malta.
First sentences. So important in any book. They can turn you off completely, make your eyes skim uninterestedly over the words and your hands chuck it back to its shelf.
Or they can reel you in, like William Gibson’s legendary “The sky over the port was the colour of television, tuned to a dead channel” in Neuromancer. Or Paul Auster’s ““I was 12 years old the first time I walked on water”, in Mr Vertigo.
Ġuże Stagno’s new offering comes with a first sentence that might not contain the depth of Auster, or the cyber-weirdness of Gibson, but boy does it make you splutter into your coffee and laugh out loud. And, more importantly, it makes you eager to devour the rest of the book, in the knowledge that more gems of the sort are bound to follow.
I will leave you to discover the precise nature of this introduction when you read the book, not least because this is a family newspaper and Stagno’s rumanz pop comes with what we diplomatically refer to as strong language.
And it has to, not because it is based in gratuitous sensationalism, but because the anecdotes in What Happens in Brussels, Stays in Brussels are nothing but a slice of real life. And like it or not, most Maltese adults use a vernacular that is heavily peppered with x-rated colloquialisms.
This is real life as viewed from the sardonic viewpoint of Stagno, of course. The storyline revolves around Gustav, a journalist on a press junket to Brussels, organised by MEP Charlo Pulis. Gustav is there to interview the MEP, while the others are there because all Maltese politicians know that the best way to keep their canvassers happy is by piling on the free stuff at the taxpayer’s expense.
As soon as the group gets to Brussels, things start going haywire in the best tradition of Three Men on a Boat – only in a much more chavtastic manner, of course, the way only Stagno can pull off. The story works because we have all met the people he writes about – they are stereotypes in the best way possible, because we recognise in them a neighbour, a colleague, a fellow bus commuter...
Like Stagno himself says in the book, stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. No matter how much we love this island and the quirks that make us Maltese, we’ve all been there, that cringeworthy moment when a fellow countryman ups the chav ante so badly that you would rather pretend to be anything but Maltese.
Stagno’s story is very topical (it takes place a few months before the last election), which adds to the attraction. He also has an intriguing way of bringing together fact and fiction. He insists that Pulis is not based on anyone real, for instance, though we all have our suspicions. At the same time, he introduces to the story real life people like Louis Grech and Silvio Parnis – accompanied by rather clever observations on said gentlemen. He even manages to work in a reference to Clinton Paul (respect!). Geeks of a certain mind frame, on the other hand, will appreciate the references to particular musicians like Morrissey and Gainsbourg, as well as to real life film lecturer Dr Saviour Catania.
A big part of the attraction of Stagno’s style is the way his narrative rolls forward in a most easy-going manner. Rather than reading, it’s almost like you are eavesdropping on a conversation. His spot-on use of the vernacular contributes a lot to this. Stagno’s Maltese (because despite the title, the book is actually written in Maltese) is the Maltese we hear in the streets; the Maltese that is peppered with English phrases, and a couple of Italian ones too here and there.
But perhaps more importantly, what you will take from What Happens in Brussels (besides the somewhat disturbing feeling of a continuous deja-vu) is a new wrinkle or two cause by the multiple giggles. Because yes, this book will have you LOLing (the internet acronym somehow seems totally appropriate in this case) like a lunatic wherever you happen to be reading it. I kept getting raised eyebrows from people in cafes while I was doing exactly that.
I can’t bring this review to an end without calling Stagno out on the way he does a Kurt Vonnegut and a Douglas Coupland, referencing himself in his own book. Tut, tuts all along – but at the end of the day, we forgive him the vanity since there is one highly addictive book to back it up.
First sentences. So important in any book. They can turn you off completely, make your eyes skim uninterestedly over the words and your hands chuck it back to its shelf.
Or they can reel you in, like William Gibson’s legendary “The sky over the port was the colour of television, tuned to a dead channel” in Neuromancer. Or Paul Auster’s ““I was 12 years old the first time I walked on water”, in Mr Vertigo.
Ġuże Stagno’s new offering comes with a first sentence that might not contain the depth of Auster, or the cyber-weirdness of Gibson, but boy does it make you splutter into your coffee and laugh out loud. And, more importantly, it makes you eager to devour the rest of the book, in the knowledge that more gems of the sort are bound to follow.
I will leave you to discover the precise nature of this introduction when you read the book, not least because this is a family newspaper and Stagno’s rumanz pop comes with what we diplomatically refer to as strong language.
And it has to, not because it is based in gratuitous sensationalism, but because the anecdotes in What Happens in Brussels, Stays in Brussels are nothing but a slice of real life. And like it or not, most Maltese adults use a vernacular that is heavily peppered with x-rated colloquialisms.
This is real life as viewed from the sardonic viewpoint of Stagno, of course. The storyline revolves around Gustav, a journalist on a press junket to Brussels, organised by MEP Charlo Pulis. Gustav is there to interview the MEP, while the others are there because all Maltese politicians know that the best way to keep their canvassers happy is by piling on the free stuff at the taxpayer’s expense.
As soon as the group gets to Brussels, things start going haywire in the best tradition of Three Men on a Boat – only in a much more chavtastic manner, of course, the way only Stagno can pull off. The story works because we have all met the people he writes about – they are stereotypes in the best way possible, because we recognise in them a neighbour, a colleague, a fellow bus commuter...
Like Stagno himself says in the book, stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. No matter how much we love this island and the quirks that make us Maltese, we’ve all been there, that cringeworthy moment when a fellow countryman ups the chav ante so badly that you would rather pretend to be anything but Maltese.
Stagno’s story is very topical (it takes place a few months before the last election), which adds to the attraction. He also has an intriguing way of bringing together fact and fiction. He insists that Pulis is not based on anyone real, for instance, though we all have our suspicions. At the same time, he introduces to the story real life people like Louis Grech and Silvio Parnis – accompanied by rather clever observations on said gentlemen. He even manages to work in a reference to Clinton Paul (respect!). Geeks of a certain mind frame, on the other hand, will appreciate the references to particular musicians like Morrissey and Gainsbourg, as well as to real life film lecturer Dr Saviour Catania.
A big part of the attraction of Stagno’s style is the way his narrative rolls forward in a most easy-going manner. Rather than reading, it’s almost like you are eavesdropping on a conversation. His spot-on use of the vernacular contributes a lot to this. Stagno’s Maltese (because despite the title, the book is actually written in Maltese) is the Maltese we hear in the streets; the Maltese that is peppered with English phrases, and a couple of Italian ones too here and there.
But perhaps more importantly, what you will take from What Happens in Brussels (besides the somewhat disturbing feeling of a continuous deja-vu) is a new wrinkle or two cause by the multiple giggles. Because yes, this book will have you LOLing (the internet acronym somehow seems totally appropriate in this case) like a lunatic wherever you happen to be reading it. I kept getting raised eyebrows from people in cafes while I was doing exactly that.
I can’t bring this review to an end without calling Stagno out on the way he does a Kurt Vonnegut and a Douglas Coupland, referencing himself in his own book. Tut, tuts all along – but at the end of the day, we forgive him the vanity since there is one highly addictive book to back it up.
August 7, 2018
Aktar 3.5 - tajjeb imma ma tantx jissodisfa wisq l-għaġeb li jġorr miegħu. Il-maġġor parti tal-ktieb kien attiranti u żammni interessat, speċjalment permezz tas-sempliċità fl-aġir tal-personaġġi li madankollu jinġibdu minn lenti mistħarrġa sew immens. Lejn it-tmiem sar naqra diżappuntanti għaliex spiċċa b'mod pjuttost mistenni u monodimensjonali u l-binja tal-karatterizzazzjoni donnha ċediet ħesrem. Il-kapitli tas-sess verament ma rajthom żiedu xejn għall-ktieb - deskrizzjonijiet fjakki u naqra bla sugu. Saħansitra għoġobni kunsiderevolment, u l-istil ta' kitba ta' Stagno (eskluż is-sess) wieħed mill-aktar uniċi u interessanti li qatt qrajt.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 29, 2014
I only enjoyed a few parts of this book. I've read all of Stagno's previous books and I think I like this one the least, even if I can (should?) relate to it the most. Not a huge amount of substance or poignancy. Meh.
October 20, 2013
Very flowing and effortlessly written, not least the very meticulous detailing of events which would usually go completely unnoticed. Loved the first-person illustrations too.
August 15, 2017
The synopsis at the back overestimates the depth of this book. But as usual, Stagno shows a good, albeit deriding, grasp of the Maltese character.
November 12, 2025
Erġajt qrajtu għat-tieni darba, u xrobtu f'nifs. Kull sentenza mimlija dettall u ġġiegħlni nkompli naqra li jmiss, u li jmiss, u li jmiss.
June 11, 2020
Wara li kont kemmxejn iddizappuntat bil-ktieb Xemx Wisq Sabiha nista nghid li What Happens in Brussels huwa hafna ahjar. Guze Stagno jaghti stampa cara hafna tal-Maltin post dhul ta pajjizna fl-Unjoni Ewropeja. Bil-partitarju Laburist li huwa deskritt bhala il-hamallu u l-injornat tas-sitwazzjoni u dak Nazzjonalist li huwa klassist, pulit u vergni. Dan kollu fuq sfond ta grajja kemmxejn romantika fejn il-karattru principali jiltaqa ma ex tfajla tieghu.
Li huwa nteressanti hafna huwa li minkejja li l-ktieb ilu naqra li gie ppublikat Malta ghadha thabbat wiccha ma l-istess problemi specjalment fejn tidhol l-immigrazzjoni irregolari. Jigifieri nuqqas ta solidarjeta minn naha tal-pajjizi suppost shabna membri ta l-Unjoni.
Il-ktieb huwa miktub bil-kitba tipika ta Stagno ghalkemm inqas vulgari minn Xemx Wisq Sabiha u Mbid ta Kuljum.
Li huwa nteressanti hafna huwa li minkejja li l-ktieb ilu naqra li gie ppublikat Malta ghadha thabbat wiccha ma l-istess problemi specjalment fejn tidhol l-immigrazzjoni irregolari. Jigifieri nuqqas ta solidarjeta minn naha tal-pajjizi suppost shabna membri ta l-Unjoni.
Il-ktieb huwa miktub bil-kitba tipika ta Stagno ghalkemm inqas vulgari minn Xemx Wisq Sabiha u Mbid ta Kuljum.
August 9, 2018
Having lived in Brussels I could relate to the description in the book which I loved as it got me memories. The story brings out elements of Maltese people in relation to the EU which are still very real. Not a great plot but enjoyed reading it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 15, 2017
2.5 - Well-captured observations of the stereotypical Maltese character, but otherwise rather shallow in my opinion.
September 7, 2017
Hilarious and nostalgic
August 2, 2021
Has not had a more poignant end since 'Inbid ta Kuljum' Definitely worth a read!
November 8, 2013
An undeveloped read.
Despite being a very fluid well written book, it merely launches few thoughts here and there that deserved to be discussed in depth. Such issues would be the PL/PN attitude post-EU membership, the university model that only raises non-creative pseudo intelligensia who is not able to go beyond and stays put, the typical Maltese attitude and its traits that often leaves much to be desired. Overall, this book does serve to launch these discussions. It is clear that there are many caricatures of the many types that constitute the Maltese population, one which undeniably had lost its verve and identity. Instead, it choses to focus on the populist discussions of the klandestini rather than looking further on our economy, social cohesion, environment etc...of course, we do not care enough as well demonstrated by our choice of politicians and partisan politics. Maybe this book is the shake that we need to wake up unless we choose to grab what we can manage as Gustav does in the end...
Despite being a very fluid well written book, it merely launches few thoughts here and there that deserved to be discussed in depth. Such issues would be the PL/PN attitude post-EU membership, the university model that only raises non-creative pseudo intelligensia who is not able to go beyond and stays put, the typical Maltese attitude and its traits that often leaves much to be desired. Overall, this book does serve to launch these discussions. It is clear that there are many caricatures of the many types that constitute the Maltese population, one which undeniably had lost its verve and identity. Instead, it choses to focus on the populist discussions of the klandestini rather than looking further on our economy, social cohesion, environment etc...of course, we do not care enough as well demonstrated by our choice of politicians and partisan politics. Maybe this book is the shake that we need to wake up unless we choose to grab what we can manage as Gustav does in the end...
October 12, 2013
Flowing read. Though a bit of a 'list' at times (read: a mini-picaresque journey through Brussels, shot through the eyes of a jaded journo accompanied by loutish political canvassers), it settles into a tight narrative trench towards the end, exploding the dream of opportunity promised by Brussels - and by extension, the EU - for the Maltese as nothing more but a base scramble for petty power and status.
Great illustrations by Jimmy Grima too.
Great illustrations by Jimmy Grima too.
October 26, 2013
Was a little disappointed with the book, although that has more to do with the hype surrounding the book than with the content itself. Whilst it gives a very good description of the visitors groups that come to the EP from Malta, I felt that it could have gone deeper into the dynamics of the Maltese expat community. Still one of thue best books I haver ever read in Maltese
March 11, 2016
Trattament facli ta' sitwazzjoni tal-biki.
Il-kontenut kollu migbur f'erbgha punti:
1) Pentti huwa isem Finlandiz.
2) Il-partitarji Laburisti huma hlejjaq brain dead u razzisti.
3) Wara nejka is-swaba ikollhom riha partikulari.
4) Il-pretensjoni zejda u l-konsum zejjed ta' alkohol jipproducu bumf mill-iprem.
M'hemmx iktar xi tghid.
Il-kontenut kollu migbur f'erbgha punti:
1) Pentti huwa isem Finlandiz.
2) Il-partitarji Laburisti huma hlejjaq brain dead u razzisti.
3) Wara nejka is-swaba ikollhom riha partikulari.
4) Il-pretensjoni zejda u l-konsum zejjed ta' alkohol jipproducu bumf mill-iprem.
M'hemmx iktar xi tghid.
July 24, 2014
Honest account of contemporary life in Malta and the Maltese abroad. Candid writing that has you in hysterics sometimes but also makes you reflect sadly on the shallowness of some. Very good iece of writing.
October 14, 2013
Spot on Maltese character study.
October 22, 2013
No one captures the typical Maltese character like Stagno. Another enjoyable must read!
December 2, 2013
Very flowing .. Depicting the true Maltese character
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews