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Squirrel Terror
When a bestselling writer of the weird meets a squirrel who refuses to die, the result is sheer helpless laughter.
It all started with a squirrel that refused to die.
You’re holding a collection of blog posts from September 2010 to December 2011, during which I was recovering from divorce and struggling through deadly depression. I didn’t know how the hell I was going to make it through anything. I was drowning, but I wanted to avoid advertising it. Still do. So I wrote instead about writing. The weather. Running. Putting one foot in front of the other.
One day, there was this damn squirrel. And before I knew it, I was writing about digging a squirrel grave in the rain, the Corn Pops war, Shakespearean bluejays, and a whole host of other insanity that always ended with me shoeless and screaming.
Come on in, and let me tell you the whole story...
It all started with a squirrel that refused to die.
You’re holding a collection of blog posts from September 2010 to December 2011, during which I was recovering from divorce and struggling through deadly depression. I didn’t know how the hell I was going to make it through anything. I was drowning, but I wanted to avoid advertising it. Still do. So I wrote instead about writing. The weather. Running. Putting one foot in front of the other.
One day, there was this damn squirrel. And before I knew it, I was writing about digging a squirrel grave in the rain, the Corn Pops war, Shakespearean bluejays, and a whole host of other insanity that always ended with me shoeless and screaming.
Come on in, and let me tell you the whole story...
- GenresHumorNonfiction
108 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 30, 2013
About the author
Lilith Saintcrow
155 books4,527 followersLilith Saintcrow was born in New Mexico, bounced around the world as a child, and fell in love with writing stories when she was ten years old. She and her library co-habitate in Vancouver, Washington.
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
February 21, 2019
Read: November 2013
Re-read: February 2019
Rating: 5/5 stars
The chronicles of Neo!squirrel and the other bird and animal occupants of Lilith Saintcrow's backyard remain as hilarious and tragic as they were on my first read. I love this little collection of blog posts and hopefully won't wait another six years before I pick them up again!
Re-read: February 2019
Rating: 5/5 stars
The chronicles of Neo!squirrel and the other bird and animal occupants of Lilith Saintcrow's backyard remain as hilarious and tragic as they were on my first read. I love this little collection of blog posts and hopefully won't wait another six years before I pick them up again!
November 23, 2019
I really love these stories. I loved them as blog posts, and I love them as an audiobook.
August 21, 2014
This is the funniest bloody thing I have ever read!
I nearly laughed myself to death.
Everyone in the house has given me the hairy eyeball. My eyes were running, my glasses kept fogging up, I had snot coming out my nose, I nearly pee'd myself. I almost coughed up a lung, I can still hardly catch a breath. My whole self aches from laughing so much and there's dead tissues everywhere.
It's a collection of Lilith's blog posts, presented as chapters, about the life and death battles in her back yard, of the squirrels, various birds, stupid house cats, her red kelpie and Her.
You'll find Squirrel Neo, who knows kung-foo, Squirrel Morpheus, and the 101st squirrel battalion. The Blue Jays- Romeo, Juliette & Mercutio. Phred the coyote, the zombie squirrel, the bloke in the red truck. There's a cat who quacks, poor little plants with post traumatic stress disorder. There's crows and seagulls. There's battles. She's quite the interspecies linguist, translating squirrel, assorted bird dialects, dog and cat and various other languages into English. There's squirrel battles for Gondor, they rally the Rohirrium. The dog battles the nazgul. And so much more.
Its only a short story, 100 and something pages. But its well worth the five bucks, or whatever it was. Its the funniest couple of hours I've spent in a long time :)
I nearly laughed myself to death.
Everyone in the house has given me the hairy eyeball. My eyes were running, my glasses kept fogging up, I had snot coming out my nose, I nearly pee'd myself. I almost coughed up a lung, I can still hardly catch a breath. My whole self aches from laughing so much and there's dead tissues everywhere.
It's a collection of Lilith's blog posts, presented as chapters, about the life and death battles in her back yard, of the squirrels, various birds, stupid house cats, her red kelpie and Her.
You'll find Squirrel Neo, who knows kung-foo, Squirrel Morpheus, and the 101st squirrel battalion. The Blue Jays- Romeo, Juliette & Mercutio. Phred the coyote, the zombie squirrel, the bloke in the red truck. There's a cat who quacks, poor little plants with post traumatic stress disorder. There's crows and seagulls. There's battles. She's quite the interspecies linguist, translating squirrel, assorted bird dialects, dog and cat and various other languages into English. There's squirrel battles for Gondor, they rally the Rohirrium. The dog battles the nazgul. And so much more.
Its only a short story, 100 and something pages. But its well worth the five bucks, or whatever it was. Its the funniest couple of hours I've spent in a long time :)
August 17, 2017
"True-life comedy" at its finest. I'm so glad Lilith Saintcrow published these!
August 5, 2021
3 1/2* rounded up. "Squirrel Terror" has been my go to book as I wind down for the night. Warning: If cursing offends you then it's not for you. Don't read it and rate it poorly because you've been warned. The title tells you pretty much the entire story line but what it doesn't tell you is how very funny Saintcrow is (although the cover picture is a hint). Basically, as she runs on the treadmill (5 miles a day!) overlooking her back yard she unintentionally challenges a ninja squirrel who has claimed the yard as his. I remember thinking to myself, "It's on now, buddy!" I could see myself echoing her meltdowns as though I stood right beside her. It's Mr. and Mrs. Smith and Night at the Museum rolled into one. Enjoy!
January 30, 2026
This was a collection of Saintcrow’s blogs about her yard, especially her squirrels. Saintcrow definitelyhas an engaging way of writing even when it’s nonfiction—although some things seemed a little exaggerated. I did like all of her literary references.
It’s easy to see where Saintcrow’s messy and relatable characters come from once you have read her blog. I was reminded of her Dante Valentine series while reading this book many times (especially when she when after the squirrel with a baseball bat).
Favorite quotes:
It was a telemarketer. Thank God. (And this is the only time you'll probably hear me say THAT.)
What does a squirrel know of the weekend and the various exigencies of lawn care?
It was Romeo!Jay, Mercutio's best friend, the strong silent type. (Well, as silent as a bluejay ever gets, but still.)
(Better the squirrel demon you know than a new one, right?)
I am many things to many people, but rodent undertaker is just not in my job description.
I was not too happy about a sudden influx of gulls they're all right, I have a soft spot in my heart for omnivorous trash animals, you should see my dating history, but they're messy.
All names have been altered to protect the innocent, guilty, and just plain unlucky.
In any event, she's trying to wag so hard her back end is skipping around, which usually means she's seen another dog and wants to make friends. I don't know how she can run an 11.5-minute mile while her back end is doing the Funky Chicken, but some mysteries are not meant for mortals to solve.
Look, all my animals are strange. I can't help myself, I pick up the rejects and the outcasts. This explains not only the Duck Cat, the Stupid Tuxedo, and Miss B, but also my dating life. ANYWAY.
Favorite character: Miss B. She reminds me of my own dog. When Miss B arrived on the scene, the story got infinitely better for me.
It’s easy to see where Saintcrow’s messy and relatable characters come from once you have read her blog. I was reminded of her Dante Valentine series while reading this book many times (especially when she when after the squirrel with a baseball bat).
Favorite quotes:
It was a telemarketer. Thank God. (And this is the only time you'll probably hear me say THAT.)
What does a squirrel know of the weekend and the various exigencies of lawn care?
It was Romeo!Jay, Mercutio's best friend, the strong silent type. (Well, as silent as a bluejay ever gets, but still.)
(Better the squirrel demon you know than a new one, right?)
I am many things to many people, but rodent undertaker is just not in my job description.
I was not too happy about a sudden influx of gulls they're all right, I have a soft spot in my heart for omnivorous trash animals, you should see my dating history, but they're messy.
All names have been altered to protect the innocent, guilty, and just plain unlucky.
In any event, she's trying to wag so hard her back end is skipping around, which usually means she's seen another dog and wants to make friends. I don't know how she can run an 11.5-minute mile while her back end is doing the Funky Chicken, but some mysteries are not meant for mortals to solve.
Look, all my animals are strange. I can't help myself, I pick up the rejects and the outcasts. This explains not only the Duck Cat, the Stupid Tuxedo, and Miss B, but also my dating life. ANYWAY.
Favorite character: Miss B. She reminds me of my own dog. When Miss B arrived on the scene, the story got infinitely better for me.
October 12, 2013
HE KNOWS KUNG FU.
October 25, 2013
Hilarious.
January 4, 2014
Kung fu squirrel and other crazy animals galore! I enjoyed the author guessing what the animals were shouting. Made me laugh a few times.
April 10, 2017
Laughed my butt off! Picturing what she was describing was a riot!
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews