Ok so this was a surprise in every way.
First of all, I threw this in the pile totally at random. I have well over 500 books on my TBR shelves, and that's just counting the books I really want to read. There are the books I still want to read but will undoubtedly never get around to, the books I REALLY really want to read that are high on my list (about 200+) and then that leaves around 300 or so that I also want to read, just slightly less so than the ones at the top of my list, which makes it fairly likely that it might slip by unread, at least for a long while if not forever. And that's what this was, a book in the middle of a list of hundreds, so when you're #396 and we're talking books and you can read a book or two or three at the most a week...#396 seems so unreachable. But every now and then something inspires me to pick one of these middle numbers up, and that's what I did here, entirely at random. I didn't even know it was about the Amanda Knox thing, and even if I had, I hardly knew anything about Amanda Knox anyway so I had no predispositions. And turns out...I was so very and pleasantly surprised!
So I went and watched the Amanda Knox documentary right away with my boy-friend, who's obsessed with documentaries. So I right off the bat had Amanda in my head as Lily. Maybe not the best move, but it's what I did. First and foremost, this is a fictionalized account of the Knox thing. I think technically one couldn't even say that much, something like "loosely based on the Amanda Knox story" would be more appropriate. The title "Cartwheel" comes from the cartwheel that Lily, the main character does at the police station after being interrogated after she has found her roommate dead, throat slit. A cartwheel that Amanda Knox was widely believed to have also done, but that later turned out to be untrue. And as Jennifer Dubois says herself... "In the real universe is a girl who never did a cartwheel. This novel is a story of a girl who did. " So she makes it abundantly clear that this is NOT real, it's fiction, tho inspired by Amanda Knox's story.
Even so. I watched the documentary, and googled, and all that nosy goodness, so I knew enough to know that the stories were very very similar. And once I watched the documentary and really got to see her for myself, I knew exactly what Dubois was trying to capture in Lily. It was this offness. In my opinion, Amanda Knox is a sociopath who is emulating what she thinks is appropriate behavior, but she doesn't do it quite right and so any normal person with intuition can sense the strangeness, the feeling of something just being not quite right. She's saying the right things. But it doesn't sit well. It's like trying to cover up the smell of shit with febreeze. It might smell like roses or daisies or whatnot for a split second but at the same time you can smell the shit just a sniff and half's layers underneath. Your nose can recognize through the sweet smell that there's shit that's being covered up. Same goes for Amanda. I hear what she's saying and she sounds innocent, might even typically be inclined to look innocent, but when her person comes shining thru her eyes, you can just feel that something is WRONG. Something is askew. Something doesn't match. I didn't buy what she was trying to sell.
But that's really beside the point. Here I am reviewing Amanda Knox's creepy ass. And this isn't even about her! Supposedly. But what I'm saying is that after watching Amanda Knox and seeing how creepy she was, and feeling that strange feeling. It was definitely a lacking, she was lacking something, tho it was hard to say what exactly, and I think Jennifer Dubois makes an attempt at capturing that essence in her character Lily, and then explaining why it might be so, or how it might be so, and she does a great job.
I always hear people refer to a book as kaleidoscopic, and more often then not I'm like, huh? But this is an instance where that description works perfectly. The story is told from alternating perspectives, always a third person narrative but switching off between following Lily's parents, the prosecutor Eduardo, Lily's boyfriend Sebastian, and Lily herself, but it's not chronologically straight forward, things jump back and forth from before the crime to after the crime. It opens with a bang, which I liked, because I can seriously lag with books that are slow openers, and it starts with Lily's parents, Maureen and Andrew, dealing with a recent phonecall received from an Argentinian prison, where Lily has been studying abroad, informing them that Lily has been arrested for the suspected murder of her roommate and is being held and questioned. They quickly jump to action, making plans of action, calling lawyers, etc. And so it begins, fast paced from the very beginning. The story unfolds, as we get bits and pieces of the story from Lily in present time, we also get bits and pieces of the backstory, revealing morsels of history of Lily's character and personality, as well as little nuggets of time that begin from the day Lily arrives in Argentina up until the night of the crime. The assumption, when we are with Lily's parents, is that she's innocent, and even when we are following Lily's storyline, her innocence seems understood, or at least easy to believe in being that there doesn't seem to be anything intentionally mean spirited or violent that is prevalent in her behavior. She's portrayed as no more or different than any other normal college girl who would be studying abroad; maybe a bit spoiled, naturally entitled, narrow minded in her belief of her open mindedness, and very very self absorbed. If she has a fatal flaw it's that, her inability to see beyond herself and see how her behavior might be perceived by other people. Her unwavering belief in the strength of her own goodwill, the natural but naive belief that her good intentions and lack of bad intentions will always be enough. But then we also have the chapters with Eduardo, the prosecutor, and when we're following his storyline, Lily's guilt is assumed. Everything about the way he views Lily screams guilt, and convincingly so! So it's difficult for the reader to make up one's mind when alternating chapters provide alternating viewpoints.
In the end, the actual event is skipped over. We follow Lily up until the moment of the incident, and we've been with both Eduardo and her parents from the moment after, but the actual moments of the crime remain a mystery, just as they do in real life. Dubois never clarifies those moments for us, & instead leaves us to decide what we believe, showing us only the massive part perception can play in any event, and letting us ponder that on our own and decide for ourselves what we believe.
As annoyed as I was by having no real answer or closure to the story, I thought it was a perfect ending. I know the Amanda Knox story is also left as something that will always be unknowable, but I wouldn't have minded some closure in this story. But even so, I thought the lack thereof was fitting, it's the truth of it, we get the same lack of closure in reality too, never really knowing the truth of what actually happened, having only our own perception of things. I think that was the point of the whole story, why Dubois wrote it the way she did, from the viewpoints of opposing characters, to show us exactly that, to point out the weight of ones perception. And she did so amazingly well, everything about the book was executed perfectly to make that point.
The one other thing I have to comment on is her writing. It was amazing. Seamless, beautiful...just perfect. She has this talent for so perfectly articulating a feeling, she puts into words something you didn't know you've felt until you hear her say it and you realize that you know exactly what she's talking about. Fleeting flashes of feelings (alliteration much? Lol) that she describes so perfectly that it's immediately recognizable, and it's just stunning that she is able to so accurately express feelings that every person will recognize when they hear it, but that had never been considered or verbalized until the very second you read the words. It's great.
Not that Andrew had ever given up working through the hierarchies of pain, teasing out the taxonomies of grief; he scorned people who were untouched by death, and he loathed people who shared experiences about their dying parents when he spoke of Janie. (Who cares? He wanted to shout. This is the way of things!) The only people he truly respected were the ones whose pain was objectively, empirically, worse than his. There was a man in Connecticut for example, who'd lost his entire family-wife and two daughters-in a home invasion. They were raped and set on fire. Andrew felt sorry for this man."
Isn't that something we all do? Outwardly sympathize with people, but inwardly think, "you shouldn't be complaining...what I went thru with my children/husband/parents/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend/etc is sooo much worse? Probably not all of us do this, but some of us do, and I'm one of them! I wish I was kinder, and could understand that each person is the center of their own universe, and not trivialize any one person's pain but it's a little hard to hear about how so and so's mother is such an annoyance to your life, when you're own mother has Alzheimer's, or how so and so's boyfriend is so mean he never wants to go to chick flicks when you've just had to leave the love of your life, or, in Andrew's case, any of this irrelevant bullshit, when his baby girl had died painfully and slowly.
There was no other family, there were no other children. There was only Janie and Maureen and Andrew, at sea on a little boat, and all the continents of the world submerged.
A few other random bits that I underlined, simply because I liked them. They stood out for me:
She was still shaky from the conversations blunt smash of adrenaline-so much like the brief narcotizing energy that comes, when you're hurt, just fractionally earlier than the pain."
Most of all, maybe, Anna was a grown-up, and sometimes Lily wished she weren't. But there was nothing to be done about it: Anna simply wasn't the same little girl who'd helped Lily try to contact Janie's ghost on a Ouija Board-a plan endlessly discussed and then, finally, one summer night, thick with humidity and black magic, attempted-and who had, when the indicator began to move, wet her pants.
Across the yard, Sebastien's house grew larger and larger, and then it was upon her. Lily stood for a moment on the porch, feeling, over her sadness, that strange flutter of excitement that often came to her in darker moments. It was a sense of detached curiosity and potential energy;; a feeling that here before her was an important event that she might witness, an important mystery she might solve, an important challenge she might rise to meet. The sensation had been with Lily from the first missteps of her childhood-she remembered it from the time she killed the banana slug, and the time she'd accidentally made Maureen cry over Janie-but it had more sinister incarnations, too. It had been with Lily the time Anna had broken her ankle doing gymnastics in the living room; it had been there when she sat in her sixth grade classroom and listened to the teacher try to explain what had just happened to the buildings in New York City.
That one, for me, was an exact. A naming of something I'd always felt but never stopped to consider what it was. ESPECIALLY when she references the experience of sitting in a classroom the day of 9/11, watching the tv's in every class, feeling sad and scared, but underneath it, unwanted, some undercurrent of excitement. Dubois hit it on the nose.
"It's funny," said Maria, "that people talk to God so much, when He's the one person who you shouldn't have to explain anything to."
"Mmm," said Eduardo. He was trying very hard to not argue. It was atheists, he often thought, who were the true fundamentalists-forever trapped within their own limited circuit, utterly without humility, smug in the laughable confidence that the universe was somehow somehow specifically set up for human understanding, like an algebra problem designed to be challenging but reasonable for a particular age group. How did that idea not undercut its own argument, while being hopelessly unimaginative and narcissistic at the same time?
I just loved her writing. It wasn't the fanciest, wasn't the purplest, wasn't even the most beautiful, but it was accurate and just right. I was really really surprised with this one. 4 stars, but only because 5 stars is reserved for the loves of my life, real true book love, and as great as I thought this was it didn't steal my heart away, in that manner.
We ended with a conviction, her own sister having "accidentally" given too much away, in an effort to help, or maybe in an effort to be grown up, I wasn't totally sure...though she was always the more rational and less fanciful of the two sisters, this action of hers, to feel that despite being told to not by her father and mother, she knew best and could handle herself without any help, against the advice of all her elders, was oddly resemblant of Lily. Just a part of youth, I guess, that entitlement and self assurance that only life itself can break. We know that the Amanda Knox conviction was later overturned, but in this story, it ends with Lily's having been convicted..
She would become obsessed with cigarettes, with her minor grievances and feuds. Maureen and Andrew would keep coming, though less and less, and then they would die, one after another. Anna would keep coming, twice a year at least; she would work for two years as an i-banker (there was no way that girl wasn't heading for an MBA, classics major or no) until she married another i-banker and they would produce two long limbed children back to back. She would never give up distance running, and she would never give up sending Lily the necessities-even as the necessities changed, year to year, even as there were less and less of them.
It would not matter. None of it would matter. Lily's spirit would not be able to stop its own decay any more than her body would one day."