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Tommy's Tale: A Witty Novel About Choosing Between Fabulous Chaos and What Really Matters

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Tommy is twenty-nine, lives and loves in London, and has a morbid fear of the c word (commitment), the b word (boyfriend), and the f word (forgetting to call his drug dealer before the weekend). But when he begins to feel the urge to become a father, he starts to wonder if his chosen lifestyle can ever make him happy. Faced with the choice of maintaining his hedonistic, drugged-out, and admittedly fabulous existence or chucking it all in favor of a far more sensitive, fulfilling—and let's face it—sober lifestyle, Tommy finds himself in a true quandary. Through a series of adventures and misadventures that lead him from London nightspots to New York bedrooms and back, our boy Tommy manages to answer some of life's most pressing questions—and even some he never thought to ask.

288 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2002

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1324 people want to read

About the author

Alan Cumming

72 books771 followers
Alan Cumming, OBE, is a Scottish-American stage, television and film actor. His roles have included Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler in X2: X-Men United, and Fegan Floop in the Spy Kids trilogy. He has also appeared in independent films like The Anniversary Party, which he wrote, directed and starred; and Ali Selim's Sweet Land for which he won an Independent Spirit award as producer.

His London stage appearances include Hamlet, Madman in Dario Fo's Accidental Death of an Anarchist for which he received an an Olivier award, the lead in Martin Sherman's Bent and as Dionysus in The National Theatre of Scotland's The Bacchae. On Broadway he has appeared as Mac the Knife in The Threepenny Opera and the Emcee in Cabaret for which he won the Tony in 1998.

Cumming has also written a novel, Tommy's Tale, contributed to many publications, and performs with his band I Bought A Blue Car Today on a regular basis.

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5 stars
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422 (34%)
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391 (31%)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 150 reviews
Profile Image for jay.
1,087 reviews5,933 followers
February 28, 2023
welcome to 202-Queer 🌈✨

50 in February: 49/50


listen guys. this is the second rather badly rated book i've read that's actually fantastic. i have this feeling that you lot just don't understand how to rate books. we give MORE stars when it's good, not LESS - hope that helped clear things up for you.


this is honestly a beautiful and funny tale about masculinity, parenthood, friendship, love and what it means to grow up.


the main character is a mess but he's so loveable actually. sure he makes nothing but mistakes but it's all part of the journey. he also has such a great understanding of what masculinity is and such a loving and caring nature - he may be an idiot most of the time but i love him.


i had such a great time with this book. it made me giggle and warmed my heart.
Profile Image for Sarah Sammis.
7,944 reviews247 followers
January 24, 2008
Tommy's Tale is Alan Cumming's debut novel. I don't know Cumming's work as an actor but I thoroughly enjoyed his novel. I tore through it in a day, pausing occasionally to laugh myself silly.

The novel is told in diary form akin to the Adrian Mole series, Georgia Nicolson series or the Bridget Jones series. Except that Tommy is an e-popping bisexual suffering from a crisis as his thirtieth birthday looms. It seems that the diary form novel is a mainstay of British humour fiction. This off the cuff style of writing doesn't always carry well to American readers and I've noticed that the book was reviewed more positively among Amazon.co.uk readers than it was among Amazon.com readers.

Although my life is nothing like Tommy's I immediately clicked with him. He recounts a series of benders, a business trip to New York and his desire for a child of his own even if it means growing up.
Profile Image for Josephine Myles.
Author 66 books652 followers
July 30, 2010
This story of 29 year old Tommy's journey of self-discovery was a huge amount of fun. At first I was a little sceptical as to whether Cumming could write, but the odd clunky moment aside, it was a thoroughly debauched yet charming tale.

Tommy is a really sweet and amusing narrator - there were many points where I laughed out loud, and I was rooting for him and his "kind-of boyfriend" Charlie right from the start. But of course, before Tommy realises what he really wants out of life, he has to take a huge amount of recreational drugs and have plenty of dirty sex with strangers. It might sound seedy, but for some reason I never found it so. Possibly because Tommy is so accepting of his lifestyle, and never feels guilty, possibly because of my own misspent youth, or perhaps simply because of the book's feel-good factor.

My only comment on the other reviews - I didn't think the sex in this book was particularly detailed (although some of the details were very amusing!) - erotica it ain't, but an amusing, modern day fairytale it is.
Profile Image for Sarah.
1,771 reviews114 followers
February 11, 2015
Reading Tommy’s Tale by Alan Cumming is bit like getting shitfaced and marathoning episodes of Queer as Folk mixed with clips from Love Actually until you’re not sure where the raw drug-fueled debauchery ends and the heartwarming moments with precocious British children begin.

Originally written in 2002 and now re-released with a brand new cover, Tommy’s Tale is a delightful, hilarious romp that will keep you turning the pages even as you want to shake the titular narrator while shouting “MAKE BETTER LIFE CHOICES!!!”

You can read the rest of my review over at bisexual-books.tumblr.com.
Profile Image for anna.
693 reviews1,996 followers
June 4, 2021
rep: bi mc, gay li, gay side characters
tw: drugs, panic attacks, the f slur

absolutely hilarious despite the heavy topics, charlie is an actual angel & my favourite character is the eight years old boy
Profile Image for Fawndolyn Valentine.
124 reviews17 followers
February 22, 2024
This should have been a quick read. This should have been my quickest read of the year. I breezed through it at the start, but began slowing down as I reached the middle, and then it CRAWLED. I love Alan Cumming, and I wanted to love this book, but it just fizzled at the halfway mark.

With a little over 50 pages til the end, I had yet to see any revelations on Tommy's part. He experienced no growth. No epiphanies. And gave no fucks for any of the people in his life enough to grow up a little (except that he has a boyfriend & stopped fucking other people behind his back, quit the insane coke/e benders, and all that). And so I, holding out hope til embarrassingly close to the end, gave up all fucks for this character.

Other reviews say it reads like a journal, but it doesn't. It reads like a shoddy 1st-person novel with holes all over ready for coke or cock. It reads like Cumming wrote a series of short stories and compiled them into a book, but came up short, so threw in a handful of inconsequential background characters that ATTEMPT to help drive the plot (with the world's least believable 8-year-oldn seemingly the last rush-job afterthought), and bulked it up with incessant ramblings and fairy tale chapters, both of which stopped the flow of the story completely, and for no reason.


SPOILERS

The first half of the book was fine. It got in some good plot and made me look forward to the next half, building up care for what happens to any of the characters, imagining how this is all going to turn out, etc. Then goes to shit. He stops the story a hundred times to ramble on about things that don't matter, and he repeats himself all over the place - at least three times, he completely recapped the first half of the book in a sentence or two. We have complete obsession over Tommy wanting a child (while ignoring the fact that his boyfriend has a child already in his life), a half-assed buildup of meeting this ex-girlfriend who supposedly wrecked Tommy's and everyone's lives, and in the last 50 pages, we get an equally half-assed reunion between them that ends in a WANTED pregnancy being aborted.

It's at this point I lost it completely and just glazed over til the end. From what I gathered, he artificially inseminated his bestie/flatmate (with only one coke-frenzied scene of "OMG WE SHOULD BABY" jabber to back up that decision), and he still takes drugs and sleeps around. I'm not sure what the boyfriend and the kid are up to. They're there, in that one year later bit (which he made an all-caps 72-pt font big deal about for two pages), but I couldn't be bothered to care enough to figure out their deal.

What a mess.
Profile Image for manatee .
266 reviews3 followers
March 18, 2012
While I enjoyed this gay romance about one bisexual man's longing for family, I found it a bit of a mish-mash. I was charmed by Tommy's room mates that formed his self-made family and I found it very interesting that his bisexuality was fully portrayed,but I just did not find his narrative compelling enough. Some of his characters were not believable. The child character seemed like an after thought. The boy was simply a way to provoke a contrived turning 30 crisis in Tommy. Some plot devices seemed contrived,but I did enjoy the depraved London setting.
Profile Image for Robert Dunbar.
Author 33 books734 followers
July 27, 2015
"When you suck someone's cock for the first time do you ever gag just to be polite?"

Okay, so there were lines that made me laugh so hard I fell out of my chair, but it still took me forever to read this, mostly because I suspect it isn't really a novel, more like a "novelized" monologue play. And -- god! -- but Cumming would be brilliant in it. Just imagine. He could act out scenes (many of which take place in public toilets), do all the voices. I am SO there.
Profile Image for Sarah.
36 reviews1 follower
January 20, 2008
I'm a huge fan of Alan Cumming, so when I saw this book in the bargain bin, I had to pick it up. It's the story of a hedonistic bisexual man - Tommy - who finds love. It was great to read anything about an out bisexual guy (so rare!) and the story kept me entertained in a chick-lit sort of way, but it wasn't exactly life-changing or anything.
Profile Image for Alika.
335 reviews13 followers
July 29, 2016
A surprisingly entertaining romp! Alan Cumming is obviously multi-talented as an actor and writer (I believe he also co-wrote the movie "Anniversary Party" with Jennifer Jason Leigh, which I thought was amazing). "Tommy's Tale" isn't afraid to give it to us straight (or gay, or bi) and shows a realistic account of the trials and tribs of going through a Saturn Return as age 30 approaches and all sorts of questions pop up like: Who am I? What am I doing? What is my place in the world? Why am I so confused? What the f***? Ahhhhhhh! This can be a frustrating time, but Tommy shares a few laughs and heartaches and makes us feel a wee-bit less alone in the process.
Profile Image for Sam.
4 reviews
September 4, 2022
I felt that the start was slow. This may be because the fairytale chapters, however, once the characters had been developed I loved every part of it
Profile Image for Dennis Holland.
294 reviews153 followers
April 16, 2022
Sex, drugs and poor life choices make up a hilarious and surprisingly heartfelt tale about a bisexual party boy. Tommy’s tale is still fresh and unique nearly twenty years later.
Profile Image for George Cooper.
88 reviews1 follower
February 18, 2024
Not the most flawless book I’ve ever read w some pretty unrealistic characters and a very random happy ending that just ties up all the protagonist’s problems a little bit unrealistically. However it’s gonna be difficult to give a book about being a bisexual man in london in ur 20s less than 4 stars when ur a bisexual man in london in ur 20s
Profile Image for Paul Dobson.
73 reviews3 followers
April 1, 2020
Cumming's semi-autobiographical work easily allows the reader into his characters as one slips into a warm bath. Poignant, rebellious, and soothing. Take a trip and see how much of Tommy is in you.
Profile Image for Rhode PVD.
2,468 reviews35 followers
February 22, 2016
I wanted to like it more than I did. A cute, skinny young man with an easy, steady job, great friends and a handsome, understanding boyfriend, has a crisis of impending adulthood on turning 30.

It's very much a first world, crisis-in-his-mind-only crisis. He doesn't have to work a dreary 9-5 job, or give up his life to look after an aging parent. He's not drafted, in a war zone or in any external danger. He doesn't have financial debt or health worries. Nor is he bothered by religion, philosophy or the thought of anyone or anything much beyond himself. If he is hungry, his friends feed him. And in fact, he's never alone or lonely except by choice, as his close friends and lovers gather around him at the drop of a hat.

Although he is bi, there's no coming out drama, fears, encountered prejudice or worries, beyond suiting up.

The crisis? Well, he wants to have a kid. But not badly enough to start saving up for one or to look into being a foster parent or anything. He just yearns a bit for a baby and then parties. As you do. Anyway, being a guy, it's not like he has a tight deadline of the biological sort that his female peers would have.

So, the premise is all a bit white man's self indulgent problems.

Aside from that the plot is routinely interrupted for digressions, such as musings on why it's better to pee sitting down or a faux fable about a child growing up in a community where all the houses are identical. The digressions are not needed for the plot - and neither is the prologue - mainly because they over-explain points that should be already clear from the story. I got the feeling the author just wanted to get them off his shoulders and the novel was as good a place as any to plop them.

There were fun bits, mainly the whole thing reminded me rather vividly of bits of my 20s and the gay boys I knew then. So, ok.

I felt sorry for the best female friend/roommate who exists in the plot mainly to be comforting to the two men she lives with. She puts up with the men's lovers being loud but never seems to have a lover of her own, which is sad frankly.

There is a fairy tale ending. Which pissed me off a bit, given how little the lead character deserved it in any way beyond blind luck and chance.
Profile Image for Joey.
73 reviews3 followers
April 15, 2016
This is easily the stupidest book I've powered through to the end of. Think Bridget Jones' Diary, but if Bridget Jones was an immature, self-absorbed, bisexual, male drug addict. The premise is ludicrous and the only character development that happens takes place in the last few pages after a one-year time jump. The main character is annoying and I tired of his selfish juvenile antics quickly. How many coke benders can you go on while experience zero consequences? The supporting characters are cool and a bit of comic relief, but they are completely one dimensional. The only upside to this book was that there were a few dirty sloppy sex scenes which are always appreciated.

Tommy had this annoying tendency to go off on a rant (this was first person narrative) about something totally unrelated to the story at that moment, but also added nothing to character development or backstory. Just literal senseless rambling. I love Alan Cumming, but Jesus I will never read another book written by this man. I should have known better when the review on the back of the book (like the publisher thought this was a good thing that they should publicize) said: "[Cumming is] a better novelist than Ethan Hawke or Rupert Everett." Stop the fucking presses! It may as well have read: "Cumming is better at pretending to be something he is not than others who pretend to be something they are not." The bar was set low and he met it.
Profile Image for Joanie.
352 reviews55 followers
July 8, 2014
I'm not exactly sure why I enjoyed this as much as I did, but I read it in about two sittings and there are no regrets.

I love Alan Cumming on The Good Wife but that's about all I know of him, so stumbling upon this book was a bit of a surprise. The premise of the story isn't really something I would normally be attracted to - the irresponsibility of Tommy's character had the potential to be grating via the synopsis, but full credit to Cumming's writing to make me root for Tommy. I wasn't prepared to give it much of a chance if I was annoyed in the first chapter or so, but Tommy's voice just shone through and caught me offguard in the very first pages.

For sure, plenty of bad decisions and BS and the whole shebang throughout this but I just couldn't stop reading. I really can't say I can relate to Tommy in any aspect of his life either. It's puzzling. Maybe I could've dug deeper and wondered how some of these relationships came to be, but I didn't want to. I was fine going along with his relationships with Charlie, and Finn, and Sadie and Bobby and even Julian. It's almost comforting to see him muck things up into a giant sloppy mess, honestly.

It's just a fun read. I wanted to hug everyone after reading this.
Profile Image for Pixie.
1,227 reviews17 followers
April 7, 2016
“Do you want to have an adventure?” someone asks Tommy when the book first starts…”Always” replied Tommy. That exchange sums up the book quite nicely. It’s all about Tommy & his adventures. Tommy was a funny guy, who did a bit (a ton) of drugs & fucked strangers while sorting out where he wanted his life to go as he approached 30. I liked it, there were highs (haha) and lows but all approached with the humor of someone quite literally coked out of their fucking mind. It sorts itself out.

Oh made even better by the fact I audio booked it.
Profile Image for Lamadia.
692 reviews23 followers
August 29, 2019
All books by Alan Cumming should be listened to as read by Alan Cumming. I think I liked this book so much because of the narration. I did not have high hopes since it is about a party boy, someone very much not like me, but I definitely was cheering for him throughout (except perhaps we he goes on a two week drug bender on purpose). The themes of being happy with yourself and your life, as well as finding what really makes you happy, even if its not what you thought it was going to be, resonate with everyone. I loved all the characters and kept having to remind myself that they're not real people.
Profile Image for Valarie.
255 reviews33 followers
April 24, 2019
I love Alan Cumming. And he did a great job narrating this audiobook. Tommy and I have very little in common but I enjoyed the book and found myself really relating to him and rooting for him. It was a quick read. Definitely NC-17 for sex and drug use so skip this if that’s a problem for you.
Profile Image for Ronnie Avansino.
124 reviews1 follower
March 24, 2025
Usually I don’t love whiny characters that make their own problems, but maybe it’s because this one was British it was fine?
10 reviews
September 22, 2025
It’s really refreshing to read a book about a disaster bisexual that doesn’t read like a warning or a lecture and doesn’t end in tragedy.
30 reviews
January 17, 2022
This is one of those books you will pick up and not be able to put down. I laughed so hard at parts of this book. The character Tommy is a likeable character. Alan Cumming writes an entertaining book.
Profile Image for Page Terror.
18 reviews4 followers
May 1, 2014
Page Terror Reviews: pageterror.wordpress.com

To celebrate the Roundabout Theatre Company’s 2014 revival of Cabaret, but more importantly Alan Cumming reprising his role of The Emcee, I decided to review Tommy’s Tale, A Novel, which was written by Cumming over a decade ago.

Alan Cumming is perhaps one of the greatest artists of the later twentieth and early twenty-first centuries. There are few who surpass him at being innately creative. Since discovering Cabaret as a ripening twelve year old, I have followed his career fairly thoroughly, being in awe of the pre-Cabaret work and loving the post. Unfortunately, I’ve never had the opportunity to see him perform live…that has to change.

Of course, if I was only referring to his acting career I would simply state that he is the greatest actor instead of artist and I would not be writing a review of his debut novel. Cumming not only acts, but directs, writes, and produces. He is a Renaissance man in our metaphorical contemporary playground. This is not to mention that he is unbearably attractive, but more on that later. Reading Tommy’s Tale was in essence what I would imagine sex with Cumming would be like, extraordinarily hot and tawdry, a little rough, but also painfully sweet.

Tommy is almost thirty. His life at this point has consisted of one drugged induced thrill after another, followed by sexual escapades of extraordinary measure. His life has been undeniably fabulous, but with the big three zero right around the corner, he questions what he now wants and contemplates whether an existence that includes a child and a boyfriend is capable of co-existing with the hedonistic routines of his youth.

I don’t know what I was expecting when I first started this novel. It is a complex pallet of emotion. One minute, Tommy is grotesquely sexual and the next he is tearfully truthful and scathing. Tommy addresses the issues that needed to be discussed a decade ago and continue to need voicing today. The family unit is changing, gender spheres are slowly being chipped away, youth culture, who we are now and what are we growing into, is transforming. The pigeon holding stereotypes and bondage that were long ago etched into the framework of western civilization no longer apply. The fairytales need to change; the mythology that coincides with the creation of identity needs to be written.

Tommy’s Tale is just that, a modern fairytale. The reader follows Tommy on a journey that takes him through the London nightlife and then away from his endearing patchwork family and into a hellish trip to New York. In several ways it is reminiscent of Dante in The Divine Comedy, a story that Alighieri wrote for his own time. One must descend before they may ascend and this is exactly what happens. As Tommy says at the end of the novel, “I set myself a test and I passed it” (pg 284). It is his recognition of responsibility that proves him to have evolved, to have come out of the forest as a stronger individual. There is no blame game, only total acceptance of circumstance and self. The ending is predictable and fairly blasé with the five of them living in one house and Sadie and Tommy deciding to have a baby together, but it is also hopeful and full of love.

Although Tommy jumps back and forth several times, more so towards the beginning, the piece moves fluidly. Cumming states that it took him some time to write the novel. However, Tommy’s stream of thought flows so naturally that one can imagine Cumming sitting down and banging the entire work out in a single night. However, there are moments of discombobulation where as an editor I would have done a little more tidying up. The work has a few spots that need dusting, particularly those where Tommy’s redundancies become obnoxious instead of enlightening.

The character of Finn is a sheer treat. As Tommy says, he is a remarkable child and the novel could not have existed without him. His presence as a fragile yet intelligent creature within the story adds a dimension that could have been thin and superficial. He forces Tommy and therefore us to deepen and alter our perceptions of the novel’s quandary. As both a device and a character, Finn is executed with a simplicity that is both graceful and riveting, much like the novel itself.

pageterror.wordpress.com
Profile Image for Jemiah Jefferson.
Author 11 books97 followers
May 7, 2015
I saw Alan present this book at Powell's City of Books, and therein lies a tale that stays between me, Alan, and just about everyone I ever have drinks with who cares about films, gays, gays in film, lovely Scottish blokes, or any combination of the two. We both like martinis and he was filming X-MEN 2 in Vancouver at the time. He was absolutely marvelous, as cute as a button, with a round middle-aged tummy that I just wanted to bounce on. Anyway, that was a thing that happened. (I also gave him a copy of my book "to read on the plane"; unknown whether or not he actually read it or just tossed it in the bin on his way out to Burnside.) At any rate I was far too broke to actually BUY his book, so it was some months later when I actually read this kinky little gem and found it very good indeed. A very lightly fictionalized account of Alan's own mid-youth, and a troublesome kid he found himself tasked with protecting, and falling in love - resisting furiously all the time - with some guy that may or may not be Mr. Cumming's current husband, it's full of wild sex (quite a lot of it semi-public), too many drugs and far too much drink, and SO much attitude that doesn't at all disguise the immense well of inner pain and loneliness in our "Tommy", who does his best to be cool and uncaring, and doesn't quite succeed.
Profile Image for Ian Mapp.
1,341 reviews50 followers
December 17, 2012
The gay fella from "High life" and "Sex and the City" writes a novel about growing up and gaining responsibility.

It is told in a very chatty manner, representing a few weeks in the life of a promiscous, bi sexual on the cusp of entering his thirties. The sex (with males and females) is explicit and unflinching and no turn is left unturned.

As he is bisexual, there are some tender moments discussed and he desperately wants to grown up and have a child. This is mainly because his on/off boyfriend has a 6 year old (far too worldly wise to be true). The whole book gives the premise that this may happen with an ex-lover but he ends up getting a flat mate with a turkey baster.

No great shakes and not a typical area to read but it had some moments
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Krisha.
37 reviews9 followers
April 11, 2016
Alan Cumming is so talented. His writing is smart and intuitive, particularly his dialogue. I adore great dialog, the pithy and believable. It's modern-day poetry. This book, not surprisingly very well done, is a fairy tale, but it made me a little sad. The ending was a happy one, but it seemed written by an experienced-but-not-quite-mature author. Perhaps Cumming wasn't self-actualized at the time it was published, though, after reading Not My Father's Son, I think now he must be there or as close as any of us gets. This book is laugh-out-loud funny, but not everyone would agree. It gets an R rating for sure. What I like most? It's honest. What I like second? It's very well-written.
551 reviews
August 12, 2016
NSFW! Practically every other line is suuuuuuuuper NSFW. Good thing I work alone. I really liked this book. I got sucked in immediately and regretted the need to pause it all of the many, many times I had to pause it because it's pretty graphic. I don't gravitate toward books written by actors but Cumming is actually quite talented here. Excellent narration by the author as well. I (perhaps unfairly) deducted one star only because it was so porny, and I mainly listen to audio books at work. But my ratings are about my experience. They're never meant to be objective. So there you are.
Profile Image for Rudy.
3 reviews
January 16, 2009
I found the narrator annoying, since it was mostly a lot of ranting and digression. There were many parts that I think the book would have been better without. Not to mention, for all the sex and drugs...it felt boring at times, with the exception of the humorous scene with the bartender girl in the bathroom, and the "fairy tales" sprinkled throughout the book.

The ending felt "easy", but the characters did grow on me (which is why I gave it 2 stars)....
Displaying 1 - 30 of 150 reviews

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