Living Whole Without a Better Half: Biblical Truth for the Single Life

by Wendy Widder

Kregel Publications Bestseller!

Single. Confident. Purposeful. Whole.

For many, "single" is not just a filing status on a tax return but a public declaration that they are disappointed, discontented, and waiting around to start life. Whether single by choice or circumstance, they may find, like Wendy Widder did, that well-meaning advice and platitudes about God's care are less than helpful when they're just trying to figure out---like everyone else---how to live life well.
 
Singles will find the unvarnished truth here. Instead of cherry-picking biblical "promises," Widder turns to Hebrew 11. She examines the lives of biblical heroes such as Abraham, Moses, and Jacob to show readers how to embrace singleness as a God-given gift that can provide abundant life. Wendy has learned, relearned, and then learned yet again that God's plan for us is better than any we have for ourselves, and she makes her case with wit and a wry humor. Now with study questions and a new preface, Living Whole Without a Better Half makes a great Bible study or small group resource.

Genres: Christian Living

192 pages, Paperback

First published May 23, 2000

About the author

I am an author, teacher, and scholar, who loves helping people understand the Bible so they can know God better. Most of my study has been in the Old Testament, and I am especially passionate about helping the Church taste and see how good, meaningful, and relevant it is for today.

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was going through a time I was super discouraged in my singleness. I was turning thirty and found myself frustrated with my single state. I turned to books to help me process. I read or started to read a lot of less then helpful books. I was beginning to think that all the singleness books could easily be placed in three categories: 1. Books that promise you will get married someday so hold on. 2. Cheesy upbeat books that talk about how awesome being single can be. 3. Books by disenchanted people who blame the church and everyone around them for their unhappy single lives.

Thankfully, I found some books that were truly helpful.

This book was the best.

Why was this book so good? Honestly, instead of trying to be an exhaustive guide to dealing with singleness, Widder addresses the heart of the matter on a spiritual level. Yet, she doesn't ignore the practical. She knows from experience the ache and the hardships of singleness. She didn't give promises that once day I would be married. She didn't try to make singleness into the ultimate life. She led me through a spiritual journey that helped my heart come to a place of peace.

Widder drew lessons from scripture that weren't shocking or nothing that I hadn't thought about before, yet she framed them in a way felt knew because she related them to my singleness. It was the fresh perspective I needed.

I think every Christian woman, struggling with singleness should read this book and have a copy to underline and make notes in.

**
Wow! This was the best book for singles I've ever read. Widder shared biblical truths about struggles, but spend more time digging in the scripture then talking about the problems, which I really loved. I'm not even sure I can say how much I loved and savored this book. I have a paperback copy coming and I plan to reread it right away.

[Jeff LeMaster · Rating 5 out of 5]

A single friend of mine wrote this about the book:

"Thank you Wendy Widder for writing a candid yet realistic book on singleness! As a single Christian woman in my early forties I've been very disappointed with other books on the 'singleness' topic and their overall portrayal of singleness as a negative state of being and a season of life to abhor and, quite frankly, resent if prolonged.

"Thankfully, Wendy doesn't tell me 'What to do until love finds me' ... or to 'pray harder since my clock is ticking' ... 'go where the fish are' ... or any other anecdotal 'solutions' to the 'singleness problem' Christian women seem to face. Humorous as this may seem, sadly many women (Christian and non-Christian) have been wounded by a false narrative that says singleness is bad.

"Refreshingly, Wendy doesn't lead the reader to self-loathing, but rather celebration and gratitude in their season of singleness. With authors like Wendy, younger Christian women can grasp the 'teaching' of the Proverbs 31 woman - while older Christian women can reflect on and celebrate their individual accomplishments - whether professionally, culturally or the like.

"I found Wendy to be a warm friend and fellow traveler ... I'd recommend this book to anyone!"

Please read the complete review at noendtobooks.com.

[Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved Wendy’s writing—relatable and witty while filled with truth that constantly points to Christ. She doesn’t whine about the struggles of singleness, but she doesn’t disregard them either. Wendy talks openly and honestly about the downright hard and lonely realities that affect singles and provides biblical examples of faith to emulate as we keep our eyes on the eternal finish line.

[Sophia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really surprised that I liked this book so much. I generally don't like books about singleness because they tend to assume that you are single due to a variety of reasons: less than stellar social skills, immaturity, character defects, or you just don't know how to meet eligible people. Since those reasons don't apply to the vast majority of single people I know (hopefully including me), I avoid those books that make the topic painful.

Wendy Widder approaches the topic of singleness from an intelligent, open minded, vulnerable, and gentle perspective. It was really nice to hear someone openly talk about the normal difficulties of singleness, accepting them for what they are, and seeking true wisdom to cope with it. (In my experience, when you talk about those difficulties, people don't know how to handle it and quickly tell you to think about something else, make yourself useful in the church since you clearly don't have anything to do, pray hard, and hope that God will take away the painful parts. Don't get me wrong, Dr. Widder definitely doesn't encourage wallowing. I definitely appreciated and needed to hear her with discussion on bitterness and envy.

Dr. Widder does a really nice job of reading between the lines of the Biblical stories that can seem so far away. I found her story telling brought these events to life for me and helped me understand what was going on better.

All in all, I recommend the book to every person: Single or not.

[Brittany · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a nice book, but it's maybe better suited for the 18 year old single me than one closer to 30. Dr. Widder-Huisken states in the preface to the 2nd edition that she was young when she wrote it and that she'd write differently later in life, and I think that's what I was picking up on. I'd still be happy to give it to younger singles in my life but it's just not what I need now.

HOWEVER, she clearly cares. And she's got some great writing!!

[Penny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fab book. And mot just for singles. This book reminds us how we should live our lives for God. Married or single the truths are the same. I recommend this for everyone who wants yo live a 'better' Christian life.

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

After agreeing to read this book I knew that I was up against a challenge because this book was written the single woman. For over 33 years now I have been married, so I’m thinking that I just might not be the one qualified and knowledgeable in this domain to judge such a book or its contents on the subject.

Yet at my grand surprise this book was not at all the kind of book that I was expecting. In fact what was I expecting after all? I don’t really know! Maybe a woman feeling sorry and whining, finding it not to be what she expected or wanted. Sadly, it is mostly what I have met and heard from the women I have around me in the same situation. Oh! But this book is so far from that.

I was pleasantly surprised by most of this book, in the manner in which I saw a woman who was captivated by the challenge of God, and chose to live day-to-day by staying in the race that was set before her, and live the challenge. Singleness! She lives it by faith and grace, one moment at a time, which only God can grant her. She does not presume that it is easy, but she says that it is not a curse, but a beautiful diamond from the hand of God himself. It’s precious.

From the start, she is clear of how often people believe falsely that God will grant them a spouse. Yet, it’s not true, she affirms that nowhere in the Bible is it promised that. And she is right! She clarifies all sorts of little things and phrases that people say to singles. While some people having good intentions and wanting to be nice and encouraging, will say phrases that are old clichés more than anything else and more often even non-biblical. Thus, only giving false hope.

Widder is very candid and direct in her way of writing. She has a sense of humor that is nice to read and at the same time I found that she doesn’t neglect to tell us what she would like, but has not yet happened. She doesn’t deny her feelings, yet she doesn’t let them control her life. That’s why she’s a model to follow in this road not so easy to go by that we call singleness. Bravo!

Here is a wonderful quote from her book – “If there’s no joy in singleness, there won’t be joy in marriage either. Joy is not the fruit of “favorable” circumstances. Rather, it is the outpouring of a contented heart.”

In every chapter she uses biblical characters to make a parallel with the life of singleness (her own), which gives us an example. This helps us to make a link in our own lives even though one might be married (like me). So, while helping us to learn and discover more profoundly about many biblical characters she is also helping us learn more about those who are learning to live alone and how we can better help them along the way.

I really appreciated the book more than I thought I would. I think what I appreciated most of this woman was her attitude of gratitude. She really touched me in her outspokenness and in her hearts desire to live to please God despite her own fleshly desires. It is hard for me to completely understand this since like I’ve said before, for over 33 years we’ve been married now! Yet I fundamentally believe like she says that we all have a longing to be loved and search for our beloved. But God alone can first fill this need in our hearts that is unique for Him alone.

A great read for women that need to be encouraged in their walk no matter where they find themselves or what age they are. I don’t regret accepting to read this wonderful book at all. I understand more the life of single women and I also regret some things I’ve said in the past to a few people… sorry. I’ve enriched my life greatly by reading this book!

Ann L Beaulieu

* I have received a free copy of the book by Kregel Publications. However I am under no obligation to write a positive review. These are entirely my own personal opinions and thoughts expressed according to my own discernment.

[Victoria Simcox · Rating 5 out of 5]

No matter if you are single for the reason that you want to be or due to not finding the right mate, ‘Living Whole without a Better Half’ is an insightful, wonderful read. Wendy will take you on a journey through parts her life that all single or married folk can find something to relate to. She describes in short stories how she lives on her own and how it can be lonely and rafted with ongoing challenges. She expresses how she has managed without a spouse, and how she has learned to rely on her God and savior Jesus Christ, finding blessings and purpose in doing so.

What I loved about the book, is how humble Wendy is in describing her life as a single woman. She is not too proud to admit her own frailties and iniquities. I also loved how she elaborates on certain biblical characters, such as Abraham, Moses and more. She makes their lives relatable to the reader. Also, I quite liked the large side notes in the chapters focusing on some of the major points. At the end of each chapter there is a list of questions, making this read perfect for group discussions and Bible studies.

All in all, I found this book refreshing and inspirational. Wendy has great wisdom on the subject of singleness as well as explaining the trials, aspirations and blessings that the patriarchs in the Bible faced. I recommend this book to singles as well as married. There is something for all to glean in this book.

[Stacie Wyatt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read Living Whole Without a Better Half: Biblical Truth for the Single Life by Wendy Widder, in exchange for honest review from Kregel Blog Tours. I wanted to review the book because many people believe being single can be not fulfilling. You are not whole, unless you say I Do. That should not be the case. If you come in a relationship whole and (s)he comes in a relationship whole, the relationship would be so much better. Coming in with expectations, a relationship will fulfill you completely is a faulty assumption.

I was married for 5 years and I did not feel whole. I still felt a void in my life. The book is an excellent read. The first chapter was my favorite where the author breaks down the lies and faulty assumptions, people have about being single. The first lie was that God is a genie and grants your every desire. That is so not true

[Nicki · Rating 3 out of 5]

I received a free copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads.

Widder is a good writer. She takes the reader on a walk through memorable stories and characters in the Bible, mostly from the Old Testament, and relates them tangentially to the single life and a relationship with God.

The author is very positive and does not give promises that other books on the single life do, such as to wait and pray for your man to come. She points out that singleness is, in fact, a gift from God. However, the book lacks progression and does not spend much time giving the reader applicable tools to apply one's own life. The principles she does emphasize can be used by single and married people alike, which is good. However, if you are lost in a fog of singleness and looking for some assistance and clear direction, you may be disappointed in this book.

[susan murray · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book could be used by single or married it has bible stories and compares them into modern life. Wendy does have some things you don't think about that get said when you are single. interesting stories of how god in her life helps and how everyone can stray from the road sometimes to better themselves before rejoining the road. Study questions are there if you want to use personally I did not. Found some advise well meaning and will take on board but if someone needed a lot of help felt it didn't really help situation not enough on that mainly in god helping you which might not be everything needed for certain people . More suited to a Christian single . Some things I will take from this book and put into practice.

[rené lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don't know what possesses me to read books like this, but I did, so here it goes.

While I did gather some bits of info/encouragement here and there, for the most part this book didn't sit right with me. The biggest problem was that I had a hard time making the leap between an example she would provide and then some Scripture to go with it. Sometimes the comparisons didn't work or they didn't make sense. She also read into some of the Biblical stories things that weren't there, which took my attention away from whatever point she was trying to make in the chapter.

I will commend her for not providing false hope. That's rare in books like this.

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Widder uses stories of biblical heroes to explores issues singles face. This is a good study of the issues, in a general sense, not as specific as other books on singles I have seen. The issues, loneliness, fear, etc., are ones faced by fallen people in general. This book would be a good choice for a Christian singles class or small group. There are questions for discussion.
See my complete review at http://bit.ly/1tdvLBk.
I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of an independent and honest review.

[Danny Bennett · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of the better books I've read on Christian singleness. Widder is a great writer who goes through several characters of Hebrews 11 to talk about how to walk through Christian singleness in a mature and faithful manner. Widder does write more specifically to single women at times. There is nothing wrong with this, but I do think she misses the intricacies of what it is like to live as a single man. There are a few points I felt were missing, but Widder's book is an essential read on the topic of Christian singleness.