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Answering Your Kids' Toughest Questions: Helping Them Understand Loss, Sin, Tragedies, and Other Hard Topics
The Honest, Loving Answers Children Need to Hear
It's not easy to know what to say when a child asks about a dying grandma, or the reality of the devil, or some act of violence featured on the news. But ignoring the questions won't help. Elyse Fitzpatrick and her daughter Jessica Thompson carefully walk parents through these difficult conversations, one topic at a time. These experienced moms will come alongside readers, offering helpful hints and age-appropriate guidelines on how much to share and when. And most importantly, they teach how to answer children in a way that points back to the truth of God's amazing love.
It's not easy to know what to say when a child asks about a dying grandma, or the reality of the devil, or some act of violence featured on the news. But ignoring the questions won't help. Elyse Fitzpatrick and her daughter Jessica Thompson carefully walk parents through these difficult conversations, one topic at a time. These experienced moms will come alongside readers, offering helpful hints and age-appropriate guidelines on how much to share and when. And most importantly, they teach how to answer children in a way that points back to the truth of God's amazing love.
174 pages, Paperback
First published July 8, 2014
21 people are currently reading
570 people want to read
About the author
Elyse M. Fitzpatrick
55 books473 followersAuthor of 20+ books on the Christian life and the gospel's impact on everyday living, Elyse is a frequent speaker at women's conferences nationally and internationally.
Elyse's ministry is summed up in these simple words: No fluff, No bricks, just the good news of a crucified and risen Christ.
In 1971 she married her sweetheart Phil and together they raised three children and are enjoying six really adorable grandchildren.
Together they attend Valley Center Community Church in the hills of the North County of San Diego where Phil is an elder.
Elyse's ministry is summed up in these simple words: No fluff, No bricks, just the good news of a crucified and risen Christ.
In 1971 she married her sweetheart Phil and together they raised three children and are enjoying six really adorable grandchildren.
Together they attend Valley Center Community Church in the hills of the North County of San Diego where Phil is an elder.
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
July 31, 2014
Authors Fitzpatrick and Thompson use a Christian approach to discussing difficult topics with our children in their new book Answering Your Kids’ Toughest Questions. I didn’t quite know what to expect from this book but I was pleased with the thoughtful, organized discussion the authors presented about the following topics: sin, death, Satan, hell, divorce, difficult Bible stories, sexual sin, natural disasters, and murder.
I really liked the introductory chapter that explains why it is so important parents take time to talk with children about difficult issues and help them understand those issues through age-appropriate explanations. While Fitzpatrick and Thompson’s Christian theology differs in some respects from mine or other religious traditions, they provide a useful framework to approach these difficult issues from a religious, God centered perspective. They invite us to use their suggested approaches with the explanations that complement our own individual religious persuasions.
The organization Fitzpatrick and Thompson used was excellent for reading from cover to cover or using as a quick reference guide. Each chapter begins with a general discussion of that chapter’s topic and is followed by a “Talking to Your Kids” section that gives suggested explanations for different ages which the authors suggest you adapt to the needs of your children. I thought the chapter “Why Does God Let Natural Disasters Happen” was insightful, and it gave me a fresh perspective on that topic.
Overall, I was impressed by the thoughtful, concise way that Fitzpatrick and Thompson presented their ideas. Bethany House sent me a complimentary book of Answering Your Kids’ Toughest Questions by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson to review.
I really liked the introductory chapter that explains why it is so important parents take time to talk with children about difficult issues and help them understand those issues through age-appropriate explanations. While Fitzpatrick and Thompson’s Christian theology differs in some respects from mine or other religious traditions, they provide a useful framework to approach these difficult issues from a religious, God centered perspective. They invite us to use their suggested approaches with the explanations that complement our own individual religious persuasions.
The organization Fitzpatrick and Thompson used was excellent for reading from cover to cover or using as a quick reference guide. Each chapter begins with a general discussion of that chapter’s topic and is followed by a “Talking to Your Kids” section that gives suggested explanations for different ages which the authors suggest you adapt to the needs of your children. I thought the chapter “Why Does God Let Natural Disasters Happen” was insightful, and it gave me a fresh perspective on that topic.
Overall, I was impressed by the thoughtful, concise way that Fitzpatrick and Thompson presented their ideas. Bethany House sent me a complimentary book of Answering Your Kids’ Toughest Questions by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson to review.
September 8, 2014
Chances are if you've got kids you've been faced with answering some pretty tough questions. How do you go about answering the really tough ones? You know the ones . . . why do people die? what about homosexuality? rape? incest? and on and on and on. What's a parent to do in an age of political correctness and the glorifying of sinful lifestyles?
The mother/daughter team of Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson take a candid look at some of the hardest questions that parents face and give solid advice on how to approach the topics with your children. From the beginning of the book they make it clear that it is impossible to give children answers without understanding the answers yourself.
Remember how your parents would sometimes answer "because I said so". Have you ever given that answer? I know I have! I usually wind up giving that answer when I myself don't quite understand why I'm giving the answer I'm giving. As parents that are trying to give godly answers to these hard questions it is important that we first understand the biblical reasoning behind the answer.
Each chapter addresses a touchy topic. The question is asked and then the authors begin by stating what the scriptural context is. They also address what the enemy would like us to believe. The suggested answers are also divided up into age group appropriateness. We all know how awkward it can be to start answering something and realize that we have given our preschooler way too much information! Another thing they talk about is the follow up questions. This is a very thorough book for being so small. I really liked how each chapter ended with the 'In A Nutshell' segment. This small section really helped to solidify what was presented.
If you have kids or grandkids or even if you just work with kids, you need to get this book. Is every sticky question addressed in the book? Of course not, but it does give a great jumping off point for changing your thinking about how to answer tough questions. This is a great resource that you can turn to again and again when those tough questions get asked at any age.
I received a copy of this book to facilitate my review.
The mother/daughter team of Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson take a candid look at some of the hardest questions that parents face and give solid advice on how to approach the topics with your children. From the beginning of the book they make it clear that it is impossible to give children answers without understanding the answers yourself.
Remember how your parents would sometimes answer "because I said so". Have you ever given that answer? I know I have! I usually wind up giving that answer when I myself don't quite understand why I'm giving the answer I'm giving. As parents that are trying to give godly answers to these hard questions it is important that we first understand the biblical reasoning behind the answer.
Each chapter addresses a touchy topic. The question is asked and then the authors begin by stating what the scriptural context is. They also address what the enemy would like us to believe. The suggested answers are also divided up into age group appropriateness. We all know how awkward it can be to start answering something and realize that we have given our preschooler way too much information! Another thing they talk about is the follow up questions. This is a very thorough book for being so small. I really liked how each chapter ended with the 'In A Nutshell' segment. This small section really helped to solidify what was presented.
If you have kids or grandkids or even if you just work with kids, you need to get this book. Is every sticky question addressed in the book? Of course not, but it does give a great jumping off point for changing your thinking about how to answer tough questions. This is a great resource that you can turn to again and again when those tough questions get asked at any age.
I received a copy of this book to facilitate my review.
March 18, 2016
I recommend this book to all parents as well as teachers and others who work with children. Children ask many of the same hard questions that adult seekers ask, so we need to know what we believe, and know how to explain it to young people in a way that is meaningful to them. Failure to do so often leads children and teens to believe that the Bible cannot be understood, or that the Bible is either wrong or contradictory, and thus should not be believed. We need to confidently show our children that our faith is grounded in truth and is logical. This books helps us equip ourselves in that task.
I suspect that there are many adults who still struggle with the theology of some of the questions dealt with who would benefit from reading this book also.
I appreciate their advice to seek out local church documents or consult church leaders on the controversial topics. The writers often give a range of different viewpoints, suggesting that churches differ in their interpretations, so be sure to find out what your own church's interpretation is.
One strength of the book is the use of "scripts" that demonstrate how one would explain the hard topic to a preschooler, to a 5-10 year-old, and to a child 11 or older. The book stresses that the scripts are not meant to be memorized, or read to the child, but are given to show how the conversation could proceed, what aspects of the discussion to include, and what words are appropriate at each level.
I suspect that there are many adults who still struggle with the theology of some of the questions dealt with who would benefit from reading this book also.
I appreciate their advice to seek out local church documents or consult church leaders on the controversial topics. The writers often give a range of different viewpoints, suggesting that churches differ in their interpretations, so be sure to find out what your own church's interpretation is.
One strength of the book is the use of "scripts" that demonstrate how one would explain the hard topic to a preschooler, to a 5-10 year-old, and to a child 11 or older. The book stresses that the scripts are not meant to be memorized, or read to the child, but are given to show how the conversation could proceed, what aspects of the discussion to include, and what words are appropriate at each level.
January 3, 2017
Give Them Grace, by mother-daughter pair Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson, remains one of my favorite books and one I recommend to parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, teachers...basically anyone who interacts with children. When I saw that Fitzpatrick and Thompson were teaming up to offer another work on parenting, saturated with grace and focused on the glory of God in the Gospel, I knew I was going to have to read it.
Answering Your Kids Toughest Questions makes an early and strong case that we, as parents, make sure we present sin for what it is and that we clearly teach the extent of humanity’s depravity—not to make our kids more outwardly compliant but to make them more prepared to see their need of grace and to see just how great the grace of God actually is.
Give Them Grace would be great preparatory reading for this new book since it makes this very case extensively. The beauty of Answering Your Kids Toughest Questions is that it offers very practical counsel on how to point our children to the grace and love of our Father. And it does so in light of the very difficult questions that will inevitably arise if we seriously engage our children with the Scriptures and their day-to-day life.
And I am talking about hard questions. Suicide. Rape. Death. Tsunamis. Hell. Divorce. War. Doubt. These are issues that terrify most parents to even think about dealing with. Fitzpatrick and Thompson give clear, biblical teaching on these issues, and more, and then give sample discussions to have with kids at different age levels. They encourage the reader that these are not “scripts” and that it is critical that we know our children and recognize their individual needs. These are great examples and offer great encouragement to the parent—both that the questions need to be answered and can be answered. Not only that, I also believe that with slight modification these sample discussions could be utilized in some sort of teaching setting.
Fitzpatrick and Thompson encourage the reader to answer many of these questions before circumstances force the questions to arise (i.e., a suicide, a natural disaster, a terrorist attack, death of a loved one, etc..) This new volume will aid parents and teachers in preparing for these difficult questions that kids struggle with and need answers to. Answering Your Kids Toughest Questions will be a blessing to many parents, and especially their children.
*I received a review copy of this book from the publisher.
Answering Your Kids Toughest Questions makes an early and strong case that we, as parents, make sure we present sin for what it is and that we clearly teach the extent of humanity’s depravity—not to make our kids more outwardly compliant but to make them more prepared to see their need of grace and to see just how great the grace of God actually is.
“I don’t think we take Christ’s commands and the life we are called to live seriously enough. We don’t understand or feel the full weight of how infected with sin we really are. In part, that’s because the world feeds us a steady diet of it’s-okay-if-you-are-a-nice-person sprinkled with a bit of if-you-try-your-hardest and topped with a strong drink of you-meant-well…
Kids and parents alike should feel desperate about our wretched state. There should be no doubt in our minds that we will never be ‘good enough’. And this knowledge should drive us to our feet of our Savior, which is precisely where the forgiven rest and rejoice…Our children need to know the terrible reaility of sin. If we fail to explain it, they will not see the beauty of God’s grace.”
Give Them Grace would be great preparatory reading for this new book since it makes this very case extensively. The beauty of Answering Your Kids Toughest Questions is that it offers very practical counsel on how to point our children to the grace and love of our Father. And it does so in light of the very difficult questions that will inevitably arise if we seriously engage our children with the Scriptures and their day-to-day life.
And I am talking about hard questions. Suicide. Rape. Death. Tsunamis. Hell. Divorce. War. Doubt. These are issues that terrify most parents to even think about dealing with. Fitzpatrick and Thompson give clear, biblical teaching on these issues, and more, and then give sample discussions to have with kids at different age levels. They encourage the reader that these are not “scripts” and that it is critical that we know our children and recognize their individual needs. These are great examples and offer great encouragement to the parent—both that the questions need to be answered and can be answered. Not only that, I also believe that with slight modification these sample discussions could be utilized in some sort of teaching setting.
Fitzpatrick and Thompson encourage the reader to answer many of these questions before circumstances force the questions to arise (i.e., a suicide, a natural disaster, a terrorist attack, death of a loved one, etc..) This new volume will aid parents and teachers in preparing for these difficult questions that kids struggle with and need answers to. Answering Your Kids Toughest Questions will be a blessing to many parents, and especially their children.
*I received a review copy of this book from the publisher.
July 26, 2014
On page 26, the author talks about how her son asked if snapping his fingers was sinning. The author said yes because snapping one's fingers doesn't serve or love one's neighbor. At this point, the author has gone too far. Let's not become pietists! None of the 10 Commandments forbids snapping fingers. Now if he was told not to snap his fingers he would be breaking the fourth and first commandments (honoring parents and authorities and every time you break a commandment you break the first). However, this was not the case. Let us be careful not to condemn everything!
In the second chapter, What is Sin?, the author focuses a lot on crying in the things we should tell our kids about what sin is. Sin separates us from God regardless if we cry or not. We might be quite happy and comfortable in our sin. Even when we are not crying or in pain or feeling blue, our sin still separates us from God. In our home we use the Small Catechism to aid us in teaching our kids about sin. We have our kids even as infants sit with us as we memorize it as a family. It has helped us learn that regardless of how we feel, we are sinners and we are forgiven because Christ died on the cross and redeemed us from our sin through our baptism. Looking at these external truths rather than our own feelings about this, helps us a lot.
In the chapter about death, the reader will find some decision theology in the section describing what we should tell our children. In our household we find it helpful to talk about what God has done for us, rescued us through our baptism. In our baptism, we are given the gift of everlasting life. The question is not, "Have I accepted Jesus into my heart?" but "Has Jesus accepted me?" And the answer for the Christian would be an emphatic, "Yes! In my baptism, He gives me the gifts won on the cross!" The author also encourages us to use "more biblical terms" only with the children ages 11 and up. NO! Start these biblical terms at birth! Give them a good foundation! I like that the author included that "Aunt Fran" didn't get cancer because her faith wasn't strong enough or something like that. That is a helpful thing to know. We don't get sick or die because of some specific sin.
In the chapter about divorce, the author writes in the section for kids ages 5 to 10, "God even talks about being married to us." This is a really weird statement. I think it would have been more helpful to just say, "Jesus' bride is the church." Biblical phrases are not too hard for kids.
In the chapter about weird Bible stories, the author says, "Doubt it not sin." Yes, it is. The meaning of the first commandment is, "We should fear, love and trust in God above all things," (Small Catechism). The opposite of trust is doubt. Let us call a sin a sin when it is one (doubting) and let us not call things sins that aren't (snapping fingers, pg 26).
All in all, I would say that some families would find this book helpful, however, there are some distinct theological errors in the book, so I cannot recommend it. The lack of theological depth is evident in every chapter in the sections in which she describes what to say to our kids. I found that discouraging. Our kids are smart enough for us to use big words and concepts.
In the second chapter, What is Sin?, the author focuses a lot on crying in the things we should tell our kids about what sin is. Sin separates us from God regardless if we cry or not. We might be quite happy and comfortable in our sin. Even when we are not crying or in pain or feeling blue, our sin still separates us from God. In our home we use the Small Catechism to aid us in teaching our kids about sin. We have our kids even as infants sit with us as we memorize it as a family. It has helped us learn that regardless of how we feel, we are sinners and we are forgiven because Christ died on the cross and redeemed us from our sin through our baptism. Looking at these external truths rather than our own feelings about this, helps us a lot.
In the chapter about death, the reader will find some decision theology in the section describing what we should tell our children. In our household we find it helpful to talk about what God has done for us, rescued us through our baptism. In our baptism, we are given the gift of everlasting life. The question is not, "Have I accepted Jesus into my heart?" but "Has Jesus accepted me?" And the answer for the Christian would be an emphatic, "Yes! In my baptism, He gives me the gifts won on the cross!" The author also encourages us to use "more biblical terms" only with the children ages 11 and up. NO! Start these biblical terms at birth! Give them a good foundation! I like that the author included that "Aunt Fran" didn't get cancer because her faith wasn't strong enough or something like that. That is a helpful thing to know. We don't get sick or die because of some specific sin.
In the chapter about divorce, the author writes in the section for kids ages 5 to 10, "God even talks about being married to us." This is a really weird statement. I think it would have been more helpful to just say, "Jesus' bride is the church." Biblical phrases are not too hard for kids.
In the chapter about weird Bible stories, the author says, "Doubt it not sin." Yes, it is. The meaning of the first commandment is, "We should fear, love and trust in God above all things," (Small Catechism). The opposite of trust is doubt. Let us call a sin a sin when it is one (doubting) and let us not call things sins that aren't (snapping fingers, pg 26).
All in all, I would say that some families would find this book helpful, however, there are some distinct theological errors in the book, so I cannot recommend it. The lack of theological depth is evident in every chapter in the sections in which she describes what to say to our kids. I found that discouraging. Our kids are smart enough for us to use big words and concepts.
September 30, 2014
When I signed up to review this book, I thought it would help me to field the tricky questions right. With two children bombarding me with difficult questions (a few weeks ago, La Niña asked me, “Mamma, what is an affair?” and I found myself hemming and hawing for an answer), I thought this resource would help.
The authors, a mother and daughter pair, emphasise that the book is not a script. That all questions must be answered in keeping with children’s ages, which they have divided into three age groups, preschool, 5-10, and 11+. In each chapter, they first explain the teaching to adults and then break it down in a manner that will be understood by children. Each chapter ends with a section called, “In a nutshell,” which summarises the answers for those in a hurry.
The authors answer questions like what is sin, what is death and why God allows it to happen, what is satan and hell, why do people get divorced, why and how do some people sin sexually, with sub-chapters on homosexuality, child sexual abuse and pornography, why does God allow natural disasters to happen, and why terrorism exists.
To make things more understandable, the authors use examples from popular films like Star Wars, anecdotes from daily life. They quote heavily from the Bible, proving well their familiarity with the Old Testament and the New Testament.
Here, the authors speak from the vantage point of their faith and trust in God is an oft-repeated theme throughout. And therein lies the rub.
All the answers are from a Christian perspective, and of course, I am a Christian, but I felt a little let down, partly because I was looking for practical answers that one could give to children.
When explaining terrorism to ages 11 and upwards, she says, “We don’t need to fear someone who wants to kill us because if you are a believer, death is not your final destination.” That is taking things too far. Is a statement like that enough to soothe the fear in a child’s mind, say, a child who has seen some horrific images on TV or in real life? I don’t think so.
Earlier in the book, Jessica’s son asks her, “What if I snap my fingers? Is snapping a sin?” She asks him if he is snapping his fingers because he loves God and his neighbor. The boy replies no, and his mother tells him, “Then according to this verse you have sinned.”
Jessica admits that faith cannot be taught. That we, as parents, can only nudge and guide our children to the right path, and that we need the Holy Spirit to make their faith come alive. I appreciated that sentiment. I was also touched by the parts where she explained the issue of Child Sexual Abuse to children. This section was handled sensitively and it struck a chord with me.
The authors, a mother and daughter pair, emphasise that the book is not a script. That all questions must be answered in keeping with children’s ages, which they have divided into three age groups, preschool, 5-10, and 11+. In each chapter, they first explain the teaching to adults and then break it down in a manner that will be understood by children. Each chapter ends with a section called, “In a nutshell,” which summarises the answers for those in a hurry.
The authors answer questions like what is sin, what is death and why God allows it to happen, what is satan and hell, why do people get divorced, why and how do some people sin sexually, with sub-chapters on homosexuality, child sexual abuse and pornography, why does God allow natural disasters to happen, and why terrorism exists.
To make things more understandable, the authors use examples from popular films like Star Wars, anecdotes from daily life. They quote heavily from the Bible, proving well their familiarity with the Old Testament and the New Testament.
Here, the authors speak from the vantage point of their faith and trust in God is an oft-repeated theme throughout. And therein lies the rub.
All the answers are from a Christian perspective, and of course, I am a Christian, but I felt a little let down, partly because I was looking for practical answers that one could give to children.
When explaining terrorism to ages 11 and upwards, she says, “We don’t need to fear someone who wants to kill us because if you are a believer, death is not your final destination.” That is taking things too far. Is a statement like that enough to soothe the fear in a child’s mind, say, a child who has seen some horrific images on TV or in real life? I don’t think so.
Earlier in the book, Jessica’s son asks her, “What if I snap my fingers? Is snapping a sin?” She asks him if he is snapping his fingers because he loves God and his neighbor. The boy replies no, and his mother tells him, “Then according to this verse you have sinned.”
Jessica admits that faith cannot be taught. That we, as parents, can only nudge and guide our children to the right path, and that we need the Holy Spirit to make their faith come alive. I appreciated that sentiment. I was also touched by the parts where she explained the issue of Child Sexual Abuse to children. This section was handled sensitively and it struck a chord with me.
August 22, 2014
**I won a copy of this book through Goodreads First Reads, in exchange for an honest review.**
I was anxious to read this book,based on the title, and then to pass it on to my daughter for conversations with my 4 yr. old grandson, now and as he gets older. Unfortunately, I was not thrilled with the way much of the material was presented. The beliefs of the author, although obviously Christian, are much more legalistic than the beliefs of this reader. To tell a child, for example, that snapping his fingers is a sin, because it doesn't serve God or love your neighbor, is a bit over the top.
In some areas, I feel the authors went too deep for the age group they were discussing, as in talking to preschoolers about death. Been there, done that, and all they want is to have their specific questions answered, not to hear a sermon about sin and salvation.
The section on homosexuality simply turned my stomach, as I suspected it would by the time I had read that much of the book.
I still intend to pass this on to my daughter, BUT with the same caveat I give when passing on any parenting resource.....use what feels right for your situation, and pass by the rest.
I was anxious to read this book,based on the title, and then to pass it on to my daughter for conversations with my 4 yr. old grandson, now and as he gets older. Unfortunately, I was not thrilled with the way much of the material was presented. The beliefs of the author, although obviously Christian, are much more legalistic than the beliefs of this reader. To tell a child, for example, that snapping his fingers is a sin, because it doesn't serve God or love your neighbor, is a bit over the top.
In some areas, I feel the authors went too deep for the age group they were discussing, as in talking to preschoolers about death. Been there, done that, and all they want is to have their specific questions answered, not to hear a sermon about sin and salvation.
The section on homosexuality simply turned my stomach, as I suspected it would by the time I had read that much of the book.
I still intend to pass this on to my daughter, BUT with the same caveat I give when passing on any parenting resource.....use what feels right for your situation, and pass by the rest.
July 22, 2014
"Answering Your Kids' Toughest Questions" by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson. Is an excellent book on how to answer some of the tough questions kids can ask about such as sin, divorce, death, etc. The author not only talks about the question and lays out her beliefs with the Bible about the question, she also gives ways to answer them with for different age groups. That is what I liked the best about the book that its helps you word answers for different age groups. Now I agreed with the authors stances on a lot of the issues. However, if you do not come from a conservative Christian viewpoint then this book is not for. I do come from that viewpoint so I will highly recommend this book as an excellent resource not just for parents but for anyone with questions on some tough questions on life.
I received this book from Bethany House Publishing and was not required to give a positive review.
I received this book from Bethany House Publishing and was not required to give a positive review.
January 2, 2015
Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson wrote this book with the goal of helping every parent answer some of the tough questions children could ask. The range of questions the authors’ explore are death, sin, divorce, and the explanation of difficult Bible stories. What I found helpful is that the explanations were divided by age groups. The authors wrote helpful scripts designed to aid parents explain these topics to children.
In my opinion, I think this book can be really helpful for parents. I found the scripts used appropriate language for each stage of child development and serves as a great example on how to conduct these types of conversations with children. I also find that this book is also very practical and relevant for types of questions children ask today.
Note: I have received a copy of this book from Bethany House Publishers in exchange for an honest review.
In my opinion, I think this book can be really helpful for parents. I found the scripts used appropriate language for each stage of child development and serves as a great example on how to conduct these types of conversations with children. I also find that this book is also very practical and relevant for types of questions children ask today.
Note: I have received a copy of this book from Bethany House Publishers in exchange for an honest review.
July 18, 2014
I just read the introduction and knew this book would be amazing, and I was NOT disappointed.
This book tackles tough questions like "Why Do People Die?" "What is Sin?" and the even harder ones all parents dread explaining "Why and How do people sin sexually?" and Why do people get divorced?"
As a mother, I couldn't wait to see how they answered them so I would know how to explain these things to my children someday. And they were explained easily, concisely, biblically, and in an age-appropriate setting, for young or older kids.
I would definitely recommend this book for any and every parent! It takes the mystery of "How DO I explain this to my child?" and turns it into a conversation you can easily have.
This book tackles tough questions like "Why Do People Die?" "What is Sin?" and the even harder ones all parents dread explaining "Why and How do people sin sexually?" and Why do people get divorced?"
As a mother, I couldn't wait to see how they answered them so I would know how to explain these things to my children someday. And they were explained easily, concisely, biblically, and in an age-appropriate setting, for young or older kids.
I would definitely recommend this book for any and every parent! It takes the mystery of "How DO I explain this to my child?" and turns it into a conversation you can easily have.
August 17, 2014
This is a really well-written, well thought out book. The authors focus on Christ in giving advice for how we should talk to our kids. There are some tough subjects covered: divorce, sexual sins, and natural disasters, to name a few. Each topic gets it’s own chapter, and is broken down into age-groups, which is nice.
I can’t claim to agree 100% with all of their suggestions, but I do feel that this book provides a great baseline, and that it is a great tool to get conversations rolling…particularly those that are hard to face. Sometimes our kids ask questions that are just plain hard to answer – and this book really helps to give ideas. It’s a book you’ll want to keep on hand to refer back to time and again.
I can’t claim to agree 100% with all of their suggestions, but I do feel that this book provides a great baseline, and that it is a great tool to get conversations rolling…particularly those that are hard to face. Sometimes our kids ask questions that are just plain hard to answer – and this book really helps to give ideas. It’s a book you’ll want to keep on hand to refer back to time and again.
June 19, 2017
Probably better read as a reference book although the information is really helpful. It's just a bit dry and repetitive in parts. I particularly appreciated the parts where examples were provided of how to word answers for three different age groups (preschool, ages 5-10, and 11+).
January 7, 2015
I liked this book. Practical steps for how to talk to your kids about some tough issues. I love the way Jessica and Elyse really remind us to bring the gospel and grace into each situation.
February 23, 2017
A wonderful resource with sound advice.
June 19, 2025
This is a great little book, and a useful resource to aid parents in thinking through the answers to difficult questions from their children. Like all parenting books, my counsel is to avoid following any of the guidance slavishly, but to take away what you think is helpful and leave the rest behind. For me, there was more to take than to leave from this one. The authors summarise their objective as equipping parents to help children as "they face daily contradictions, depravity, and destruction around them. You don’t need me to tell you that we live in a world of great suffering and deep rebellion against God."
They also acknowledge upfront that we as parents don’t have all the answers, and that's ok: "The truth is, no matter how much we pray or study, none of us, not even those of us with real theological degrees, have all the answers. We all struggle with what’s known as the noetic effect of sin, which means our ability to know and understand truth is broken, in the same way our bodies are broken. Our thought processes have been affected by sin, too. We simply can’t understand deep truth... Not being willing to admit that we do not have all the answers actually demonstrates a pride that will get between us and our children. Pretending to be all-knowing makes us seem unapproachable and hypocritical. And while that may cut down on the number of questions we will have to answer, it certainly won’t build a relationship. Freedom from fear means we can admit we were wrong, we didn’t understand an issue, or we answered in haste."
That is truly wise advice, and it strikes me that this is also true for the conversations we have with other adults about hard topics. That is a theme that continues throughout the book; while we need to tailor our language in an age-appropriate way, there is nothing that the authors say or recommend that becomes less true as our children grow up and become adults. Another great piece of wisdom is that we need to discern between sinfulness and childishness: "I would love to ask the question - and have you ask yourself: Is this truly sin, or is this child just thinking like a child? We can take those opportunities of childlike thinking and use them to gently, patiently explain what all our years of living have taught us."
In putting down foundations, the authors are clear that "there is only one basis for truth - one rule by which all of life is to be judged. God has given us the Bible, our standard to judge all of life by. And every movie, every conversation, every book, every thought is to be brought into line with what God has told us about the world he created…I want my children to know that truth is outside of them; it doesn’t originate with them. It is not subjective or based on thoughts or feelings…The Bible is God’s love letter to his children through which we learn how to interpret and interact with the world around us, and through which we find salvation." They then go on to discuss several thorny subjects in detail, including sexual sin, divorce, violence, Satan and demons, hell, natural disasters, and others. Overall, these subjects are handled sensibly and sensitively, and each chapter follows a similar pattern. The topic is first discussed generally, and the chapter then ends with some age-specific advice on how to approach it.
Two great examples of the kind of well-thought-out and balanced writing on these topics are the following:
First, on natural disasters: "Often people feel that if God was good and powerful, he would prevent the suffering of natural disasters. While it is true that God is both good and powerful (and wise and kind), he never promised he would prevent death, suffering, or catastrophe. On the contrary, he promised that suffering and death would follow disobedience - and it has. We are wise when we realize that all sin has consequences, many unforeseen and long-lasting. Of course, we are not saying that specific disasters are the direct result of specific sins, but rather the entire world is under the curse of sin, and we feel the consequences of that curse in our daily lives, whether we’re trying to live for God or not."
Second, on violence: "At heart, our willingness to harm others flows out of an idolatrous desire for something we love more than God. We covet what others have. We think God is wrong in withholding it from us, and since we can't kill him, we kill those who have thwarted our acquisition of the overly valued object, whatever it might be…We are all bent in on ourselves; we all believe we are responsible for making ourselves happy and that others should be given judgment rather than mercy. When we make personal happiness and fulfilment our ultimate functional god or ruling idol, we will surely find sin crouching at the door."
These examples highlight the two big themes that run through all these topical chapters, and which are vital for having these kinds of conversations with our children. In summary, "we would encourage you to emphasize what God and people are like." Unpacking these further, the first is that we need to have and to teach a robust doctrine of human sinfulness and its effects, both on us and on the wider creation. As the authors put it, "Your problem is not a problem with outward activity; it is a problem with being…Our children need to know the terrible reality of sin. If we fail to explain it, they will not see the beauty of God’s grace. It is wrong for us to teach them that acting nice outwardly will make Jesus happy. Feigned obedience does not lead to grace. Rather, the Bible teaches us that we needed Jesus to come to earth to live in perfect obedience to all of God’s laws…Our goal as parents should not be to create a bunch of good kids, but rather to have them see how dead they are and that there is only life in the work of Jesus Christ."
The second is to have a deep understanding of who God is and what he is like: sovereign, powerful, good, faithful, merciful and loving. He is in control, he saves, and he brings his people safely home. Like everything else in this book, adults also need to know these things: "When we try to make sense of such seemingly senseless tragedies, we have to start with what we know about God and then interpret each situation through that knowledge. What do we know about God and the world he created? Is this world as he created it? What do we know about the role we’ve played in this ongoing devastation?"
In closing, they say that, "It is my hope that you saw the scarlet thread of redemption running through every answer in this book. This scarlet thread is the story that we base our hope on—it is the story of Christ’s pure life given in payment for ours, the story of his redeeming blood shed as the "Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world" (John 1:29)…Man would reject, God would pursue. Man would hate, God would love. Man would mar, God would redeem. Man would sin, God would forgive. This is the story - the answer - we tell our children. This is the beauty that captivates hearts and minds. We don't need to tell them a story about being better or doing more. We don’t need to tell them a story about an angry God who is waiting to gleefully punish them for their sins. We tell them about a God who sees, who loves, and who is all-powerful. We tell them the story of a God who doesn't ignore pain, but rather sent his Son to embrace it. We tell them the story of a God who doesn’t waste pain, but rather subjects all things to his glorious will. And we tell them the story about a God who doesn't ask us to pretend that life doesn’t hurt, but rather asks us to bring all our hurt to him."
They also acknowledge upfront that we as parents don’t have all the answers, and that's ok: "The truth is, no matter how much we pray or study, none of us, not even those of us with real theological degrees, have all the answers. We all struggle with what’s known as the noetic effect of sin, which means our ability to know and understand truth is broken, in the same way our bodies are broken. Our thought processes have been affected by sin, too. We simply can’t understand deep truth... Not being willing to admit that we do not have all the answers actually demonstrates a pride that will get between us and our children. Pretending to be all-knowing makes us seem unapproachable and hypocritical. And while that may cut down on the number of questions we will have to answer, it certainly won’t build a relationship. Freedom from fear means we can admit we were wrong, we didn’t understand an issue, or we answered in haste."
That is truly wise advice, and it strikes me that this is also true for the conversations we have with other adults about hard topics. That is a theme that continues throughout the book; while we need to tailor our language in an age-appropriate way, there is nothing that the authors say or recommend that becomes less true as our children grow up and become adults. Another great piece of wisdom is that we need to discern between sinfulness and childishness: "I would love to ask the question - and have you ask yourself: Is this truly sin, or is this child just thinking like a child? We can take those opportunities of childlike thinking and use them to gently, patiently explain what all our years of living have taught us."
In putting down foundations, the authors are clear that "there is only one basis for truth - one rule by which all of life is to be judged. God has given us the Bible, our standard to judge all of life by. And every movie, every conversation, every book, every thought is to be brought into line with what God has told us about the world he created…I want my children to know that truth is outside of them; it doesn’t originate with them. It is not subjective or based on thoughts or feelings…The Bible is God’s love letter to his children through which we learn how to interpret and interact with the world around us, and through which we find salvation." They then go on to discuss several thorny subjects in detail, including sexual sin, divorce, violence, Satan and demons, hell, natural disasters, and others. Overall, these subjects are handled sensibly and sensitively, and each chapter follows a similar pattern. The topic is first discussed generally, and the chapter then ends with some age-specific advice on how to approach it.
Two great examples of the kind of well-thought-out and balanced writing on these topics are the following:
First, on natural disasters: "Often people feel that if God was good and powerful, he would prevent the suffering of natural disasters. While it is true that God is both good and powerful (and wise and kind), he never promised he would prevent death, suffering, or catastrophe. On the contrary, he promised that suffering and death would follow disobedience - and it has. We are wise when we realize that all sin has consequences, many unforeseen and long-lasting. Of course, we are not saying that specific disasters are the direct result of specific sins, but rather the entire world is under the curse of sin, and we feel the consequences of that curse in our daily lives, whether we’re trying to live for God or not."
Second, on violence: "At heart, our willingness to harm others flows out of an idolatrous desire for something we love more than God. We covet what others have. We think God is wrong in withholding it from us, and since we can't kill him, we kill those who have thwarted our acquisition of the overly valued object, whatever it might be…We are all bent in on ourselves; we all believe we are responsible for making ourselves happy and that others should be given judgment rather than mercy. When we make personal happiness and fulfilment our ultimate functional god or ruling idol, we will surely find sin crouching at the door."
These examples highlight the two big themes that run through all these topical chapters, and which are vital for having these kinds of conversations with our children. In summary, "we would encourage you to emphasize what God and people are like." Unpacking these further, the first is that we need to have and to teach a robust doctrine of human sinfulness and its effects, both on us and on the wider creation. As the authors put it, "Your problem is not a problem with outward activity; it is a problem with being…Our children need to know the terrible reality of sin. If we fail to explain it, they will not see the beauty of God’s grace. It is wrong for us to teach them that acting nice outwardly will make Jesus happy. Feigned obedience does not lead to grace. Rather, the Bible teaches us that we needed Jesus to come to earth to live in perfect obedience to all of God’s laws…Our goal as parents should not be to create a bunch of good kids, but rather to have them see how dead they are and that there is only life in the work of Jesus Christ."
The second is to have a deep understanding of who God is and what he is like: sovereign, powerful, good, faithful, merciful and loving. He is in control, he saves, and he brings his people safely home. Like everything else in this book, adults also need to know these things: "When we try to make sense of such seemingly senseless tragedies, we have to start with what we know about God and then interpret each situation through that knowledge. What do we know about God and the world he created? Is this world as he created it? What do we know about the role we’ve played in this ongoing devastation?"
In closing, they say that, "It is my hope that you saw the scarlet thread of redemption running through every answer in this book. This scarlet thread is the story that we base our hope on—it is the story of Christ’s pure life given in payment for ours, the story of his redeeming blood shed as the "Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world" (John 1:29)…Man would reject, God would pursue. Man would hate, God would love. Man would mar, God would redeem. Man would sin, God would forgive. This is the story - the answer - we tell our children. This is the beauty that captivates hearts and minds. We don't need to tell them a story about being better or doing more. We don’t need to tell them a story about an angry God who is waiting to gleefully punish them for their sins. We tell them about a God who sees, who loves, and who is all-powerful. We tell them the story of a God who doesn't ignore pain, but rather sent his Son to embrace it. We tell them the story of a God who doesn’t waste pain, but rather subjects all things to his glorious will. And we tell them the story about a God who doesn't ask us to pretend that life doesn’t hurt, but rather asks us to bring all our hurt to him."
December 11, 2025
Reallllyyytt liked this one!! Great content and coveted some hard topics!
October 6, 2014
I received this book in exchange for my honest opinion.
After some wild and wonderful mail adventures, I finally had the chance to sit down and read Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson recent offering Answering your kids' toughest questions. As a mom, I am acutely aware of the fact that, although I currently spend my days encouraging my son in basic life skills like talking, there will come a day in the near future where his questions may lead us into interesting spaces.
The greatest strength of Thompson and Fitzpatrick's work is that it challenges readers to think and question how they would approach certain topics with their children when approached. I'm a huge fan of materials that seek to engage parents and foster an atmosphere of learning and openness after seeing far too many situations where adults try to "fake-it-til-we make-it" or flat out avoid the questions being asked, regardless of their severity or importance.
My issue was that much of the book felt as though the reader was being pulled into extremes. Some of the examples, including what seems to be a fairly infamous one in reviews regarding snapping one's fingers and sin, border or march into extremes and could easily be seen as justification for legalism and Pharisaical teachings.
On the other hand, many of their explanations regarding at the end of each chapter regarding the separate age ranges (dividing into really nice categories) felt very pat and simplistic. In all fairness this may be my own education influencing my perceptions. I love being challenged in my thinking and spent most of my college and seminary years discussing ideas and concepts including ones covered in this book at great length. However, I felt that the answers outlined were more likely to result in rolled eyes or misunderstanding than the open communication the authors desired, perhaps due to the lack of focus concerning living out and modelling the gospel and creating an atmosphere of learning and growth from childhood?
Overall, I think the authors did try and provide what they set out to do within a very specific and controlled audience. The effect just fell flat for me personally.
After some wild and wonderful mail adventures, I finally had the chance to sit down and read Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson recent offering Answering your kids' toughest questions. As a mom, I am acutely aware of the fact that, although I currently spend my days encouraging my son in basic life skills like talking, there will come a day in the near future where his questions may lead us into interesting spaces.
The greatest strength of Thompson and Fitzpatrick's work is that it challenges readers to think and question how they would approach certain topics with their children when approached. I'm a huge fan of materials that seek to engage parents and foster an atmosphere of learning and openness after seeing far too many situations where adults try to "fake-it-til-we make-it" or flat out avoid the questions being asked, regardless of their severity or importance.
My issue was that much of the book felt as though the reader was being pulled into extremes. Some of the examples, including what seems to be a fairly infamous one in reviews regarding snapping one's fingers and sin, border or march into extremes and could easily be seen as justification for legalism and Pharisaical teachings.
On the other hand, many of their explanations regarding at the end of each chapter regarding the separate age ranges (dividing into really nice categories) felt very pat and simplistic. In all fairness this may be my own education influencing my perceptions. I love being challenged in my thinking and spent most of my college and seminary years discussing ideas and concepts including ones covered in this book at great length. However, I felt that the answers outlined were more likely to result in rolled eyes or misunderstanding than the open communication the authors desired, perhaps due to the lack of focus concerning living out and modelling the gospel and creating an atmosphere of learning and growth from childhood?
Overall, I think the authors did try and provide what they set out to do within a very specific and controlled audience. The effect just fell flat for me personally.
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