How to Survive Change . . . You Didn't Ask for: Bounce Back, Find Calm in Chaos, and Reinvent Yourself

by M.J. Ryan

"…teaches us how we can get through the pain more quickly and extract greater meaning from the nonnegotiable events of life." — Ellyn Spragins , author of What I Know Letters to My Younger Self Overwhelmed by life’s challenges? Exhausted by crisis after crisis in the world? How to Survive Change is filled with advice and timely, relevant tips to help you cope, change your mindset, and ultimately thrive. Change your mindset to change for the better.  These are challenging times. Chances are, at this moment, you’re confronting some change you never asked for—perhaps a life crisis, like a loss of job or the failure of a dream. Maybe you must learn to work in new ways or find a new place to live. Bestselling author, thought leader, and change expert M.J. Ryan is here to help. Within the pages of her book  How to Survive Change . . . You Didn't Ask For , you’ll find the support and practices you need to successfully ride the wave of this change, whatever it may be. Discover tools for coping with the changes of life.  Change is always hard, and it's even harder when it's thrust upon us, unbidden. But with every change, there is also opportunity. In her book, Ryan provides strategies to retain your brain and optimize your response to life change, step-by-step. Best of all, as your adaptability increases, so does your confidence—with her guidance, you will be able to survive and thrive no matter what life throws your way. Find new opportunities for success.  With both detailed chapters explaining how to embrace change and twenty quick tips for adapting to change you didn't ask for, Ryan's advice can be used in any evolving situation. This book teaches you how If you liked  Switch  or books by Gretchen Rubin like  Better than Before  or The Four Tendencies , you'll love  How to Survive Change . . . You Didn't Ask For .

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Psychology

223 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2014

About the author

MJ Ryan is one of the creators of the New York Times bestselling Random Acts of Kindness series and the author of The Happiness Makeover (nominated for the 2005 Books for Better Living award in the Motivational category), Attitudes of Gratitude, The Power of Patience, Trusting Yourself, The Giving Heart, and 365 Health and Happiness Boosters, among other titles. Altogether, there are 1.75 million copies of her titles in print.

Reviews

[Tucker · Rating 3 out of 5]

The type of change focused on here is that of upper-middle-class people who go through a financial setback and have to change their assumptions, habits, and goals (e.g. dial down their spending to make ends meet, change careers, etc.) Divorce, illness, etc. are not dealt with per se as inherently difficult changes but are mentioned insofar as they impact lifestyle, career, and social standing. Understanding that this book is a coaching tool for people who are generally successful by conventional metrics and are going through a period of self-doubt or resource constraint, it is a helpful resource for meditation techniques and probing questions designed to realign logic and emotion to get through the crisis.

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of good advice, but I’ve heard most of it in other books, magazine articles or office meetings. Very humanistic: self-power, “build your brand”, community leveraging, etc. I lean more towards biblical wisdom and seeking God’s guidance. The amount of advice is rather overwhelming- like drinking out of a firehouse- but some of it is particularly useful whether or not it is job/career/income related.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am very thankful for having won my copy of
How to Survive Change ...You Didn't Ask for: Bounce Back, Find Calm in Chaos, and Reinvent Yourself, by M.J. Ryan through the giveaway on Goodreads. This book came into my hands at a time when I was dealing with several changes in my life. It is a very encouraging book, full of helpful insights, personal stories, and tools to help one deal constructively with unexpected changes in life. This book is positive and is a take-along friend, reminding me that I am not alone in times of change.
How to Survive Change ...You Didn't Ask for: Bounce Back, Find Calm in Chaos, and Reinvent Yourself, offers many useful and encouraging tips to find hope in this otherwise unsettling time, and to have a positive mindset that is open to new opportunities. Every day change enters our lives, sometimes in unwelcome ways. This book is an excellent resource for dealing with changes in healthy and beneficial ways.

[Bethany Woodcock · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve just experienced a number of big changes in my life that I was struggling to come to terms with. This book has been absolutely fantastic in helping me to change my mindset to be more positive, productive and forward-thinking.

[Gwynneth · Rating 4 out of 5]

The criticism pertaining to the book's skewed target audience is valid, since it is primarily about working on the inner self; the luxury of reorienting the way you perceive things isn't always affordable. The work doesn't address external factors that cannot be handled inwardly, although I'm not sure how the book would have improved if they were considered.

[Jeff]

Thank you. I just won this book in a first reads giveaway. I will read and comment once I get the book.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked reading M.J. Ryan's book, yet I realize I'll be on the look-out to see how I use this, what I learn from it, how the examples stay with me in these upcoming days, weeks, and months. For me, this is true for all self-help books.

At first, I wondered if every story would seem too good to be true, so I was satisfied when I came across many that reflected ongoing struggle. People in the extended anecdotes made all the difference. As I read this, I appreciated the focus on the goals and the personal empowerment, and I again was initially suspicious about "promises" then happily relieved to see that there was no magic within this. Also, because it reads so easily, it may come across as simplistic, but I genuinely don't think this was the case. Ryan consistently emphasized the importance of developing talents, an open mind, a grateful attitude, and a resilient spirit -- all necessary for becoming a strong, focused person when seemingly all around us constantly changes. She refers to each individual's "yourness" as the ongoing "bedrock" which can provide stability during uncertain times. She also provides theoretical examples for support. (See below.)

One thing that I would caution people about, however, is not to play a "blame game" for people who cannot overcome changes or struggle to create the positive mindset that the author continually emphasizes. Ryan chose to give examples of her own struggles, so she does not come across as judgmental, but I wondered about many who have issues that may be socially unjust or physically traumatic. Still in the process of recovering from sudden brain trauma a few years ago, I wondered about a "predictable emotional cycle to change" but then later welcomed passages and chapters about meditation (for awareness, gratitude, calmness), seeking help from others, and considering how others are going through similar experiences. Essentially, change is hard, but through self-commitment and cultivated relationships, there are many ways we can learn to soften the blows or stressors.

Below are points that I liked specifically about this book, so maybe you'll pick it up for one or more of these:

1) In the middle of the book there are passages about tapping into internal resources (talents, qualities of character, perspective) but also external resources. The last chapter of this book presents more resources -- books, websites, and a television series -- for sixteen life situations ranging from career to family to personal satisfaction. Though I personally would have appreciated resources for dealing with health crises, I found many resources that could indirectly relate to those.

2) Some of the advice would seem a bit trite if it were presented alone, so it is important that many real-life anecdotes are presented for context. Coming to the end of the book, I realized that the penultimate chapter ("Twenty Quick Tips For Surviving Change You Didn't Ask For") could serve as a 5 1/2-page synopsis for a good part of the 200+ text before it. I came to realize that these twenty points set me recalling earlier stories, and perhaps I have more insight not only for myself but also for others who are undergoing dramatic change.

3) There are numerous references to social theories (I learned details of Chris Argyris' "Ladder of Inference"), mindfulness practices (revisits of many breathing and meditation lessons I often forget), and step-by-step approaches for external actions (revisiting setting goals, using resources, asking for help). Were these presented in a long, drawn-out manner? No. The entire book reads with ease, but that doesn't mean that reading this will bring about "magic." There is still a great deal of work that now comes as I practice this.

Usually I give three stars to books of this ilk, and I had originally giving this my regular mark. After reviewing my notes and then writing this review, however, I changed the rating to four stars. I'll also be keeping my book rather than taking it to a nearby community book-share.

[Joselyn Gallagher · Rating 4 out of 5]

"How to Survive Change...You Didn't Ask For" is a title that says it all, this book is a great way to learn how to survive change. M.J. Ryan discusses different ways that people can react to change, along with information to help people identify their patterns, fears, etc.. With knowing one's self, anyone can apply multiple techniques on how to be a change master by using adaptability. The process adaptability teaches everyone to accept the scenario, value personal strengths, expand options, and take action while pulling from your strengths. Also, there are examples of real people's stories of the changes they faced and how they overcame them. The book is easy to read, however the structure is confusing and some information can be repetitive. Overall, book is a must read for people struggling with changes.

[Tom Bilcze · Rating 4 out of 5]

Change is hard but you are in control

Books on change, overcoming missteps in change, and accepting change are plentiful. M. J. Ryan is well versed in this subject. This book is a collection of thoughts about change gathered by the author over the years. She did a good job of presenting varied scenarios of people facing change.She added her perspective and reflected on similar change in her life. This is a decent guide to use when tackling change in your life.I especially found her "Twenty Quick Tips for Surviving Change You Didn't Ask For" to be quite insightful and valuable. The bottom line is that you need to accept change, adapt, and take control. I found the book targeted to change in the workforce. Nevertheless, her exercises can be used for any change in life.

[Calla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical Advice for Hard Times

Instead of the platitudes and trite, overworked advice, stuffed with personal anecdotes so often found in self-help books, “How to Survive...” is filled with timely, relevant tips and advice for anyone feeling overwhelmed by the current worldwide crisis. I’ve highlighted so much that I will be busy now going back to those notes to truly absorb the lesson behind each (the purpose of highlighting, correct?) I read this on an e-reader but now plan to obtain a hard copy to add to my personal library. Since I have to be selective about that due to its size, that’s about the highest praise I can give a book.

[Brandon Galli · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ultimately I feel this book was extremely helpful and offered plentiful advice for dealing with major changes in life. I had my highlighter out the majority of the time and kept some good notes, real good stuff. The reason I hesitate to give it five stars is because at some parts it is extremely business-oriented and talks about business struggles. I’m not really at a part in my life where business struggles are really relevant, nor will I ever be, but that is my only complaint. Other than that, I loved it and I can’t wait to start over a new chapter in my life with the help of this book.

[AbuHurairaMir · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is definitely a good book for people who have suffered a lot in life due to circumstances that he did not have any control over it .

The criticism against this book here is also valid because they are simply wrong audience. All self improvement book is basically the same but you read it to fix your distorted thinking in your brain and to be inspired about new initiatives. This book has done that . As this book says , if you are really going through a tough time , then please don’t assume that one book can solve your all distorted thinking and can inspire you to work .

[Adam · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little redundant at times, but still a pretty good read. The author offers a variety of different strategies for dealing with the unexpected changes we all face in our lives. Lots of good anecdotes from people who have fallen to the “rocks and shoals,” survived, and come out better for it. As I said, a little slow, but what I needed at the time of cracking the spine on this one was inspiration. I got it.

[payton · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book so long ago, so I don’t remember a lot about it. However, I found some takeaways in my notes and thought I’d share them!

• “Resisting change wears down our bodies, taxes our minds, and deflates our spirits”

• “We expend precious energy looking around for someone to blame - ourselves, another person, or the world. We worry obsessively. We get stuck in the past, lost in bitterness or anger”

I believe I enjoyed this book and think it’s worth the read!

[C G · Rating 3 out of 5]

The tips the author gives with dealing with change are actually very helpful and are do-able. My only qualms with this book is that the author talks way too much about herself and her life. I understand that she might want to include examples of her personal life, however the way she writes about herself and her life on each concept and every page gets tiring after a while.

[Kaitlin Koselansky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be very relevant to my life and especially the huge change that has occurred the last 2 years during the pandemic. It created great moments for pause and reflection and I found myself marking many quotations as inspiration.

[Jayeeta · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't generally read self-help books. I read this for a work bookclub. It was a lot better than I'd anticipated. I liked that a lot of the advice was linked to science and physiology. Many of the tips are easy, so I can see how they'd be helpful in many situations.

[Tanya Bainbridge · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book to read when things happen that you were not expecting or ready for.

[Laura L · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel like most of the advice in this book was just stuff you can find online. Maybe it could be helpful for the right person.

[Max Gruenig · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick read and a decent general overview of coping with change you did not ask for. The book used a lot of self evaluation techniques that seemed helpful sometimes.

[DeeDee Rice · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read on and off. I was looking for information for a workshop I was presenting. Some useful information, many more detailed steps to change than others give.

[Danyda Feldman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good guide to thinking about change in more useful ways. Strategies to be more resourceful

[Anissa Rezy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Practical. I feel like i read a lot of books and she summed it up for me

[Missy MacDonald · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice practical steps and examples. I now have a to do list…next step is actually doing it. :) How to Survive Change is one of the more useful-to-me self help books I've read (others fall more into the useful-for-someone-I-know category).

[Sylvan Clarke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Marvellous book, I personally found it very easy going to read with lots of relevant tactics/strategies to assess and take control of your own reactions when things start going a little wobbly in your life. Not just a feel good self help book by any means, but a practical programme that offers solutions to lift you up and out of despair and helps you take ownership of looking at opportunities constructively rather than labouring on blockages leaving you free to choose what you want to do when you want to do it and how you want to do it. Worth a read for sure.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an easy read, but I didn't really get much out of it. Most of the book was full of stories of people as examples, but I felt there wasn't a good generalization of how to apply the lessons to anyone in any situation. The book also seemed to be primarily focused on the financial meltdown from a few years ago.

[Judi Kling · Rating 3 out of 5]

Started off okay. Too Pollyanna in sections. It was formatted oddly. Difficult to see sections and hierarchy.

[Mellanie C]

I registered a book at BookCrossing.com!
http://www.BookCrossing.com/journal/13104003

[Ormarie Vazquez · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is helpful in terms of helping you understand how to react to unexpected changes in life. It includes studies and surveys done as references which I found gave it more credibility. I will say though, this book focuses mainly on changes in jobs and careers. It doesn't delve too deep into being resilient after a big change in life such as illness or death.