A Beautiful Disaster: Finding Hope in the Midst of Brokenness

by Marlena Graves, John Ortberg (Foreword), Laura Ortberg Turner (Foreword)

Interweaving biblical insights and personal narratives, this eloquently written book shows how God often uses suffering and desert experiences to form us into Christ's image. Marlena Graves shares her experiences of growing up poor in a house plagued by mental illness as a means to explore the forces God uses to shape us into beautiful people in the midst of brokenness.

This book offers a window into suffering through the motif of desert spirituality, revealing how God can use our painful experiences to show himself faithful. While no one welcomes suffering, God often uses desert experiences--those we initially despise and wouldn't wish on anyone--to transform us into beautiful souls who better resemble Jesus. Graves shows how God can bring life out of circumstances reeking of death and destruction, whether those circumstances are crises or daily doses of quiet desperation.

Readers who have experienced suffering and question God's purpose for it will benefit from this book, as will counselors, pastors, professors, and mentors. It includes a foreword by John Ortberg and Laura Ortberg Turner.

Genres: Christian, Christianity, Nonfiction, Religion, Theology, Spirituality, Faith

220 pages, Paperback

First published June 10, 2014

About the author

Marlena Graves is a writer and adjunct professor. She has also worked at Farm Labor Organizing Committee (FLOC). Marlena holds an MDiv from Northeastern Seminary in Rochester, New York, and is a graduate of the Renovaré Institute. She has been a bylined writer for Christianity Today, (in)courage, womenleaders.com, and Our Daily Bread, and she is also the author of A Beautiful Disaster. She lives with her husband and three daughters in Toledo, Ohio.

Reviews

[Applehillcottage · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was highly recommended on a blog that I read, and the quotations from it were startlingly beautiful. So I ordered it, thinking, hmmm…I used to know a Marlena Proper, I wonder if that is her. Sure enough, she graduated from the same high school as my kids, and her brother played on my son's little league team. So that said, this was a beautifully written memoir about what the deserts of life teach us. Sometimes her metaphors, and the way she wrote, took my breath away. But it isn't just a memoir; the cover calls it part memoir, part devotional, part theology. That is very accurate, but what they didn't say was that it is also literary and rich with wisdom. Consider this quote:

"Waiting can teach us to pay attention to the details and intricacies surrounding us -- the details of goodness and beauty and the details of suffering. It can teach us to inhabit the present and to pay attention to God and life. In it we see the details of God's handiwork. The world screams his presence in a whisper…"

Or this one:

"It is we who must learn to receive God's gifts. Only a soul wide awake, a heart tendered through suffering and sacrifice while in communion with God, learns to receive with gratitude…"

I'm considering using this in a women's book discussion group at church.

[Rebekah Hereth · Rating 5 out of 5]

“A Beautiful Disaster” is theology with skin on. Marlena Graves masterfully joins spiritual truths about living in the wilderness with stories of biblical characters, church history, and how God has made a way through the desert for her family. Through sharing her personal story about being refined by God through desert experiences such as growing up in poverty, doubts about God’s goodness, mental illness, difficulties living in the Christian community, loving enemies, and loneliness, Marlena thoughtfully guides readers to grapple with their own wilderness experiences. Her vulnerability and spiritual insights consistently encourage others to see that pain and suffering is not the end of the story. She points to hope and how our souls become beautiful through God’s work in the wilderness of suffering, without placing blame or diminishing the struggle. This is a book I will be sharing with those who are experiencing pain and are looking for a way through their own spiritual wilderness.

[Mia Parviainen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Marlena Graves's book is a first person journey through the metaphorical wilderness that many endure, including suffering, loss, and pain. Using biblical imagery, writings from the early Church, and her own life observations, Graves depicts "this wilderness life" (the first section of her book) and how it can lead to "wilderness gifts" (which is the title of the second section).

Graves's writing easily shifts from commentary, to insights from other writers, to biblical exposition, to her own narrative. As she writes, she seeks to give her audience a sense of how the bleak wilderness can actually be a refining experience, allowing us to "come out of the desert with a healthy dose of self-forgetfulness and a firm resolve to serve God and others in love." A sample: "These are Job times--times when we are too numb for company. Speaking and listening wear us out. Words, even from the well-meaning, inflict wounds. And so we are forced to embrace the silence with all its healing and restorative qualities. We can't rush silence. It's a holy place. It's the space where God appears and where he works to purify and fortify our souls."

At times the book reminded me of C.S. Lewis' A Grief Observed, since it was often reflective and reliant on metaphor to express emotion. In fact, Graves often quotes C.S. Lewis, along with Brother Lawrence, John Chryssavigis, and Dallas Willard, using their words to shape the idea of the desert experience.

The ideas in this book are not simple and bite-sized; they need to be pondered and considered. I'm not even sure if I'm fully on board with all of the theology presented in the book. It would take a second closer reading to consider the full implications of her work. But, from a writer's perspective, the text works. A little winding at times, but it's always on a path that actually goes somewhere.

Who should read this book: those who contemplate, those who are well versed in early Church writings, those looking for solace, those looking to understand suffering.

[Michele Morin · Rating 5 out of 5]

From time to time, everyone walks through desert-days. The sustaining dream has fizzled and the bud of the new one has yet to form; the approving eyes of those-who-matter have focused elsewhere; the taken-for-granted vitality which makes all things possible has evaporated, replaced by pain, discouragement, drought. The prophet Isaiah has written lyrics for when the scorching comes:


The Lord will guide you continually,

and satisfy your soul in drought,

And strengthen your bones;

You shall be like a watered garden,

And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.

Isaiah 58:11 could hang as a banner over Marlena Graves’ journey. Her “God-bathed wilderness experiences” have informed every aspect of her life today and infused beyond-her-years maturity into the life of the thirty-six year old author.

Through captivating use of story, Graves takes us behind Moses’ eyes to view his self-inflicted desert days; lowers us through the roof with the paralytic of Mark 2; and drums her fingers on the waiting-table with Abraham, looking for the fulfillment of God’s promise. The result?

Clarity! In the Biblical accounts, no one emerged from the wilderness unchanged.

Moses found grace to become the most humble man on earth.

The paralytic discovered what is was to be seen, welcomed, forgiven, healed.

Abraham, the father of finagling, submitted to the plan of God and became the father of nations.

My appreciation for A Beautiful Disaster was enhanced by my reading of Dennis Okholm’s Monk Habits for Everyday People. In an attempt to blast fellow Protestants out of six hundred years of smugness (“See, we were right to protest!”), Okholm examines the spirituality of Benedictine monks; i.e. communities who emphasized a deeply rooted spiritual life that would take them through the desert. When Marlena advises us to slow down and attend to the days and the minutes of a waiting time, she is encouraging the practice of stability — paying attention to the people and the lessons of the present moment. When she urges us to keep silence and to embrace solitude as holy things, we are being pushed toward the first words of Benedict’s rule: “Listen carefully, my son, to the Master’s instructions and attend to them with the ear of your heart.”

Far and away, my favorite chapter was number seven: “Waiting around for God.” I have stood beside Marlena Graves countless times in my life, straining to see around the billowing daytime cloud and the nocturnal pillar of fire, impatient and insistent that they were blocking my view of the road ahead. Perhaps she, too, has read wise counsel from Elisabeth Elliot for times of waiting and wondering: “Do the next thing.” In the economy of the wilderness life, the gift of waiting becomes a fasting from the need for control.

Marlena Graves weaves her own desert tale with the lessons of humility, adoration of God, and the deep sense of His adequacy. She emerges with her childlike curiosity restored, an unshakeable trust in God’s love for her, and a heightened ability to attend to and minister to the needs of others.

Her invitation to the reader through the pages of A Beautiful Disaster comes through in elegant prose:

Bloom in the desert.

Be healthier, humbler, more compassionate as a result of the lessons learned in the desert; go forward “like a watered garden, like a spring of water whose waters do not fail.”

[Callie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Beautiful Disaster: Finding Hope in the Midst of Brokenness is special to me because it was written by a friend. But I have found it to be special for more than that. This book is a treasure field, chock-full of wisdom. I read it slowly, savoring and pondering its truths. I am sure that others will find it as life-giving as I did.

Marlena writes about the desert wilderness of the spiritual life. Dorothy Greco rightly refers to Marlena as a "wilderness guide", one who has spent time learning the lessons of the desert and now leads others through their own spiritual deserts.

In A Beautiful Disaster Marlena writes powerfully about her dysfunctional childhood. "I lived in a world of turmoil.... I needed God to show me his path through the desert wilderness of poverty, DUIs, adultery, mental illness, prison, a house fire, the death of loved ones, and my own bad decisions." Marlena found God in the wilderness of her childhood and learned lessons there that served her well as she grew. In her adult life, she encountered more wilderness experiences. Yet instead of despairing in these deserts, Marlena found God there. She discovers that "desert land is fertile ground for spiritual activity, transformation, and renewal."

Rather than being preachy or platitudinous, as many writers tend to be when discussing suffering, Marlena's tone is consistently gracious and humble. The book is brimming with wisdom, intertwined with stories, Scripture and quotes. The result is a thoughtful, serious, and beautiful guide.

After just one reading, my copy of A Beautiful Disaster is marked up with notes and scribbles throughout. Each chapter seemed better than the last. I will certainly be revisiting this book many times in the future and will be giving copies away as well. Out of all the books I've read on trials and suffering, this will definitely be the one that I recommend to others.

Finally, it seems impossible that I write any endorsement of A Beautiful Disaster without also endorsing its author. As I said before, Marlena is a friend and a mentor. I can attest that Marlena's life matches her message. She is sincere in her pursuit of Jesus and is constantly encouraging others towards him. Marlena reflects Jesus in her writing as well as in her life.

[Gina Brenna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marlena has a way of writing that is poetic and genuine. She invites us to explore the challenges of living a life of faith with raw honesty but incredible hope, calling us back to God, His goodness and love, His truth. Reading this book was like a balm to my soul, affirming so much of what God has been teaching me in a way that makes me feel I'm not alone, and encouraging me to keep going on this journey. We need more books like this that look suffering in the face and say, "God is in this." It's inviting and freeing.

[Dorothy Greco · Rating 5 out of 5]

Few of us choose to spend time in the wilderness. It’s disorienting, lonely, and at times, crushing. The Father’s voice, normally clear and audible, becomes static— as if we’ve stepped out of range of our favorite radio station. This seemingly hostile environment transforms us. What that transformation looks like has everything to do with our willingness to wrestle with who we are, who God is, and who we want to become.

A Beautiful Disaster recounts Marlena Graves’s many sojourns into the desert. She writes, “I lived in a world of turmoil. Many days, I felt as if my heart had been violently ripped out, thrown to the ground, and left for scavengers.... I was a child fending for myself. I needed God to show me his path through the desert wilderness of poverty, DUIs, adultery, mental illness, prison, a house fire, the death of loved ones, and my own bad decisions. I needed him (and still need him) to show me how to live.”

The truth is, we all do but because most of us live in abundance, we don’t know it. Graves didn’t have the option of avoiding the desert which turns out to be a blessing for anyone who reads this book. After much suffering, she has emerged as a prophet, sage, and guide for the rest of us.

Two examples of her encouraging, wise counsel:
“In the wilderness, we remember that God did not bring us out here... to die. He brought us out here to save us, to show us his power, to offer his comfort, and to put to death whatever is in us that is not of him.”

“God knows what will trigger the desert bloom in us. He can bring about the seasonal rains and precise conditions to trigger a bloom. Our life seeds will germinate in our deserts, and they will flourish in unexpected times and in unexpected places when we leave the desert. Our increasing fruitfulness is a direct result of our time in the desert.”

A Beautiful Disaster is a beautiful book written by a beautiful woman. It does not disappoint.

[Blake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marlena Graves' book is theology wrapped in a memoir. Her personal anecdotes are not used merely to illustrate theological lessons or questions. Rather, her narrative is as much the point as the lessons and questions are. However, where the anecdotes are illustrative, they are pointedly illustrative.

There's much to praise in the book. Too often, stories like Marlena's are understood but are then moralized so quickly that the narrative -- and, perhaps most importantly, the person whose narrative it is -- are lost in quick generalizations. (I say this as an ethicist in the Analytic philosophical tradition, where I'm all too happy to abstract a point from a thought experiment.) In my view, such an abstraction would be less worthwhile with this book, as it seems to seek not to give simple theological lessons for those who are down on their spiritual luck (in fact, Graves is extremely cautious to distance herself from quick fixes to theological problems, such as the problem of evil), but rather to let a song of desperation be heard.

In singing that song, Graves, while obviously erudite, does not come off as a theologian here to heal our wounds with quick patches for our ills, but rather as someone who struggles, someone who shares the disease of theological lostness. In that, she meets her intended audience where they are. Better still, Graves is in fact a trained theologian, and it's all the better that her training does not fully repair her wrestling with God and with life. She does not appear to 'have it all together', but it's doubtful many truly honest spiritual persons do.

Marlena Graves, like the Christ she represents and adores, dwells among us. As her wilderness song is found in harmony with our own, we know we are not alone, and that is something. Maybe everything.

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Full Disclosure: I received a free electronic copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.)

Ms. Graves is clearly gifted with words. Her childhood faith and early Sunday School education planted seeds into her present ministry and writing. She grew up, in many ways, in the wilderness. Despite her difficulties growing up, she overcame many obstacles.

The introduction is written by John Ortberg and Laura Ortberg Turner. Recommended for public libraries and small groups.

[Cara Meredith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marlena is a gifted theologian.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Marlena Graves' A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER: Finding Hope in the Midst of Brokenness is a contemplative masterpiece.

As Graves describes, her childhood, for the most part, seemed like one long walk across the desert. But it was in the desert that Graves encountered God.

She tells us: "There are different forms of silence, such as the silence of pain. There are caverns of pain and ends of worlds where what is too horrible to mention leaves us speechless. In these moments, we must allow the silent stillness to do its work. We cannot force speech just to fill the empty void. We must allow God to do his work within this solitary work in his time.

"These are Job times - times when we are too numb for company. Speaking and listening wear us out. Words, even from the well-meaning, inflict wounds. And so we are forced to embrace the silence with all its healing and restorative qualities. We can't rush silence. It's a holy place. It's a place where God appears and where he works to purify and fortify our souls."

Rather than retreating from the wilderness, Graves encourages us to embrace it.

"An anchoring assurance and underlying joy are ours when we know that we remain in our Father's embrace wherever we are, particularly in the wilderness... If we reflect on our lives, we'll see that over and over again he has proven that his nature is to love and provide for us."

Being in the desert, says Graves, brings us to the point that "we know we are maturing when we become more and more content with God alone." The same maturity enables us to appreciate God's son.

And she finds comfort in knowing God is there, no matter the circumstances. "I am struck by how Jesus inhabited the presence of others. He noticed them. No one got past him. His visual acuity and attentiveness to those who crossed his path were unmatched."

Graves takes disconcerting experiences from her own life, and weaves them into a beautiful tapestry.
"All I can conclude," notes Graves, "is that these experiences are often the ways and means by which God infuses us with wisdom and power. When we surrender our suffering and brokenness to God, we are on the path to wisdom and might."

She warns about trying to pigeonhole God into our own template. "How could first-century, biblically astute memorizers of the law and the prophets miss Jesus? With all their studying and theorizing, they should have been better prepared for Jesus. But when he came, most rejected him. The religious leaders who rejected him considered the cross a curse (and they had good biblical reasons for doing so) and regarded Jesus as a public nuisance and an assault on their religious sensibilities. Not being able to fit God into our own sensibilities or understanding can induce fear in us, just as it did in the biblically literate of the first century."

In her own life, Graves endured and prospered greatly from her desert experiences, especially those as a child. And so, as an adult, she is able to experience great joy. "Not only do we leave the wilderness with a greater ability to rest like a sleeping baby who is cradled in the arms of God, but we also become more playful. I am growing younger because the fear and anxieties that were weighing me down, those elements that were wrinkling and withering my soul, are dissipating."

In the final chapters of A BEAUTIFUL DISASTER, Graves' writing becomes powerfully prophetic as she lists the value of the wilderness experience. "You and I can also have joy because the wilderness teaches us that suffering doesn't have the last word in our lives."

She declares: "Wilderness reprioritizes our values so that we prize what's most important. In our wilderness experiences, the knowledge that we all carry in us, vestiges of glory, is deeply ingrained. The holiness of God is in us insofar as his image remains in us"

Graves finishes up by mentioning an important but forgotten piece of church history and theology. She tells us the story of Macrina the Younger - the older sister of Basil the Great and Gregory of Nyssa two giants among church fathers. They were influential in developing the doctrine of the Trinity and, as such, helped form the Nicene Creed.

Graves cites Laura Swan (author and Benedictine) who states that Macrina's brothers "acknowledged her as the primary influence in their theological education." It was a woman who directly contributed to the formation of two of the central pillars of Christianity.

Graves uses this example to encourage us. "We need to consider our prejudices. If we will not receive God's life because we don't prefer the vessel in which it comes, we may live an anemic Christian life or miss out on life altogether... People missed out on God's life in Jesus because of their preconceived notions of what the Messiah should be. We miss out on life because of our preconceived notions of where life should turn up. Our desert experiences help us to let go of some of those preconceived notions."

Marlena Graves' writing is profound in the way she extracts deep wisdom from hurtful experiences. She shows us, by her example, of how God is the business of transforming the desert into a spiritual oasis.

[Lisa Wright · Rating 2 out of 5]

I knew from the first quote that I was going to have a tough time with this book. But I wanted to be fair, so I stuck it out.

I am giving this 2 stars, because it was beautifully written. That being said, I did not like this book, and it has left me very depressed.

The premise of this book is that we MUST suffer, because:
1. We have to share in Christ's suffering (I thought that's what the cross was for?)
2. We are just such sinful people that we need to suffer to be purified.
3. To draw us closer to God.

Not much about grace in this book. Lots about being sinful and having to suffer to somehow pay for that and be transformed. Because, hey...if you suffer, God will comfort you.

The author even makes a statement about worrying about children who haven't heard the gospel dying and going to hell. I don't know what kind of theology that is, but it is not one that I believe.

After being in a VERY long wilderness myself, do you want to know the conclusions I have reached? I have decided that one of the following must be true:
1. God can't help me.
2. God doesn't want to help me.
3. God isn't there.

It really is that simple. If he is trying to "purify" me, or "draw me closer", then guess what? It isn't working. In fact, it is making me angry and pushing me away. A good father doesn't play games with his children. Is this really who God is?

Is is possible that I am reading this book through my own filters? Yes. Absolutely. I have had a heavy dose of spiritual abuse in my life, so I tend to interpret everything through that filter. I that is the case, I am sorry. But this is how the book struck me.

I would not recommend this book to folks with a history of spiritual abuse, or who struggle with depression and/or anxiety.

[Lee Caterson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was recommended by a number of friends of mine when it first came out, all of us knew the author, and I mistakenly assumed that they were recommending I read it because we all knew Marlena. However, I see now that they were suggesting it because it's a book worth reading.
I had to pause a lot while reading this, to ponder and mull over what was said, often times because she put something into words that I have long thought, but was unable to capture.

This book was simply wonderful. I don't really know how to describe how much I enjoyed this book, words are failing me miserably at the moment. This is a beautiful, soul enriching, and amazing book.
Just. Read. It.

[Grace · Rating 1 out of 5]

The last chapter came across like a pouting child wanting to get her way about the reasons why women should be allowed to teach to men.
You can't pick and choose what you want to honor from the Scriptures. If 1 Timothy 2:11-12 says that women are not permitted to teach or have authority over a man, then that needs to be honored, no matter your desire to do so.
Also, Catholism is not Christianity. Just like the Mormon religion is not Christianity. Their core beliefs are different from Christianity.

[Marlena Allen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m Marlena Allen.

[Glenn Harden · Rating 4 out of 5]

An insightful reflection on the meaning of our wilderness experiences. Recommended.

[Julie L. Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh, how I loved this book. Honest and transparent, Graves' poignant prose uncovers light streaking through the cracks of brokenness. Graves details the poverty and alienation she endured as a child and her thirst for belonging and acceptance that led her to make some disastrous choices in adolescence. Yet, she also describes her literal closet-reading of Scripture during those years, a child practicing lectio divina without even knowing what it was. She tracks how such enlivened reading lead her to obedience to God, an obedience that has required brokenness of a different kind, the kind that results in self-sacrifice and difficult trials. Her faithfulness through it all becomes a testimony of her endurance and God's strength. Graves ministered to and blessed me with her wise, insightful words. She is one who listens to the still, small voice and translates it for those who can't hear it. What a gift.

[Kari · Rating 2 out of 5]

Marlena Graves grew up with an alcoholic, mentally ill father which has helped her to see how God is present in the wilderness. She writes about different ways that God has spoken or moved in her life in the wilderness and testifies to the faithfulness of God using scripture and examples from her own life and others. I found the first half of the book to be slow and I couldn’t tell where she was going or understand what point she was making. The book picked up about halfway through, but even so, I wished there had been a stronger structure on which to hang the book, because the wilderness metaphor did not seem quite right for a lot of her stories. In the end, it didn’t feel a lot different than other books that I have read about trusting God in difficult times. I saw so many good things online about this one, but I have to say it didn’t work for me.

[Kristen Sheppard · Rating 1 out of 5]

The concept of the book is unique and thought-provoking. The author grew up in poverty with a mentally ill father. She's experienced a great deal of suffering from a very young age. In the book she weaves in her own "desert experiences" with those of Biblical people and the early church. She talks about the ways that God uses desert experiences to refine us. Without being pedantic, she encourages the disciplines of prayer, solitude, and community -- so important while we are in the desert. As I said, it is a great concept. But after I read it, I was really depressed. In my opinion, there are better books on suffering.

[Tatyana Claytor · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a pleasant surprise in that it contained the words my heart needed most to hear. I randomly purchased it after seeing it recommended in Christianity Today which is something I had never done before. I see now that this was God’s hand because this book walked me through a dark time giving me what I needed to see God’s hand in the midst of trial. It gave me hope when I most needed it. I can’t recommend it enough!

[Brigitteray · Rating 5 out of 5]

I frequently fear Christian authors. I typically find myself so overwhelmed by their "holier than thou" approach or so fearful by their complacency to sin. With Marlena, this was not the case.

I feel as if I have been blessed by an honest, humble, and loving mentor. Who is unashamed to share in her hurts but pleased to tell the victories. This book is a book of hope. A book of love. A book beautifully written and with great intellect. I highly recommend this book and hope that people find the peace and comfort that I found.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful book about finding hope and resurrection in a season, or life, of wilderness. She is a true desert guide -- one who has experienced it, lived it, and now will lead others through it.

"In the wilderness, we remember that God did not bring us out here to die. He brought us out here to save us, to show us his power, to offer his comfort, and to put to death whatever is in us that is not of him."

[Mary Lou · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and took a lot away. I am so glad I read it. I struggled with it in the beginning. It is written in a strong preachy style that answers the questions before I ask them and give little room for discovery. The metaphors and observation about scripture are enlightening. Not the best spiritual reading I have experienced. But I am glad I read it.

[Barbara · Rating 4 out of 5]

On a scale of cotton candy to Brussels sprouts, A Beautiful Disaster by Marlena Groves is yogurt with honey. It's a balm to the acidic and revolting stomach (acid reflux, anyone?).

This book refreshed me with that author's sharing of her wilderness experience. I was encouraged.

Hard times don't have to be isolated and a lonely experience.

[katherine mccray · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my second reading of this book. I now know why I never passed it along to anyone to share. It's a fantastic companion to any wilderness journey. Love her writing, the shared pieces of her life, her healthy perspective, and her ability to craft her pain into beautiful sentences that I can whole heatedly relate to. I'll always recommend this book, but never lend it out.

[Colleen Mertens · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a useful book. It helps make sense of how we can learn from the painful moments of our lives. It was written with an open, honest style that I found easy to read. The author wrote well and combined her life and Scriptures well. Good book for thinking.

[Ann Vaughn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written and thought provoking.

[Lisa Murray · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good, but not a life changing read.