Discipline: The Brazelton Way

by T. Berry Brazelton, Joshua D. Sparrow

World renowned pediatricians T. Berry Brazelton and Joshua Sparrow see discipline as a parent’s gift to a child. By following the doctors’ unique approach, which emphasizes teaching over punishment, parents will find effective solutions for common behavior problems. Not only will parents feel more confident and at ease but they will also experience the joy of raising children who learn to discipline themselves. The vital advice covers six stages of discipline, the power of consequences, ways to encourage moral development and empathy, dealing with misbehavior (from biting and fighting to cheating, lying and using foul language), and special disciplinary challenges (including academic pressure, illness, and digital technology).

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology

176 pages, Paperback

First published January 7, 2003

About the author

Thomas Berry Brazelton was an American pediatrician, author, and the developer of the Neonatal Behavioral Assessment Scale (NBAS).

Reviews

[Marci · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was a very good book. Short and easy to read but full of good information. Basically I was raised on spanking and an occasional time out. I just don't think it is necessary to spank but knowing no other way of discipline made me feel very unprepared as my first child is due in a few months. I also have been worried about how we'll explain this to my parents who think people who are against spanking are all liberal hippies who let their kids get away with anything. Reading this book gave me confidence in my thoughts on parenting. I underlined as I went and will go back and read over parts of it until I can remember things. One of the points he makes is in the moment of crisis we revert to what we know so its important to think through different situations and have a prepared response for as much as you can.

[If.geek.reads | Inês Freitas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Este livro é uma ferramenta bastante útil, tanto para psicólogos ou profissionais que trabalham na área infantil, como para as famílias que pretendem compreender melhor o comportamento das crianças e adequar os seus métodos de disciplina.

[Leslie]

i learned one should not permit tantrums. Its useless and a typical book written by someone who studied children at college while his wife raised them.SHE should write a book

[Lightwhisper · Rating 4 out of 5]

Um livro simples, prático e acessível. Embora não concorde com tudo, gostei imenso dos seus conselhos, com vantagens e desvantagens de alguns comportamentos por quem educar, e muito detalhe nos comportamentos de quem é educado.

[Lauren Super · Rating 3 out of 5]

I don't like parenting books that offer judgement especially of nursing mothers, which I found this one tended to do, but I appreciated some of the suggestions for disciplining young toddlers and it did make me start to take discipline a bit more seriously than we have been doing. I wasn't quite sure my 14 month old daughter would understand some of the techniques suggested here, but I've tried them with a few of the things she does that are dangerous or most frustrating, and she does seem to be responding. (Now, when she sees the dog water bowl, instead of sticking her hands in it, or trying to drink from it (YUCK) she points at it and says, "no, no!") Plus, it was a very quick read, which busy parents will appreciate; some parenting books are SO long, they may be filled with good information, but who has the time? Overall, worth reading.

[Scot · Rating 4 out of 5]

Parenting for 31 years and I'm still reading books on how to do it better. Apparently I'm incorrigible.

This is a good resource for newbies and/or a good reminder for veterans. It's helpful to remember that there's always a reason for a child's behavior. Figuring it out and helping the child: that's the art of parenting. And the more I read, the more I realize I'm still at the finger-painting stage of this artform.

[V i r t u e .. · Rating 2 out of 5]

انضباط الأطفال ـ على طريقة برازلتون
[قرأته مترجماً:]
يقدّم حلولاً لـ تمرّد الاطفال
على الطريقة الغربية ..
فيه ما يفيد ..
(لي عودة للتحديث)

[Holly Scudero · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the hardest and most divisive topics parents face is how to deal with disciplining their child. What is truly the most effective and beneficial way to teach a child discipline? “Discipline: The Brazelton Way” is a great guide for parents who need some no-nonsense advice on discipline that goes beyond time-outs and taking away toys. It is possible to get results with gentler parenting methods! This book, co-authored by T. Berry Brazelton and Joshua Sparrow, is full of good advice that can improve your discipline methods right away. Brazelton and Sparrow want parents to understand that the goal of discipline is teaching, not punishment; when kids misbehave, it is an opportunity for learning and growth. The authors explain about various developmental challenges during the first few years of a child’s life, provide a solid five-step approach to discipline, and offer a wide variety of true-to-life examples of the discipline process in action. The book is clearly written and very friendly; even when the authors are recommending that parents avoid certain tactics they are not confrontational, clearly explaining the reasons why certain methods are “not helpful.” One section delves intensively into a number of common behaviors--lying, stealing, etc.--and offer advice for how to help children truly learn how to act. This is a short book, but it’s packed full of great information.

(Review originally written for San Francisco Book Review.)

[Maria · Rating 2 out of 5]

A few good points of rather obvious wisdom in here that were probably visionary in the 60s (namely, that hitting your kids and withdrawing attention are really damaging and should be avoided) but the language used to both judge parents and talk down to kids is, on the whole, pretty disrespectful and outdated for this age. If you’re a reader of RIE parenting philosophies/Janet Lansbury/Whole Brain Child this book will probably seem needlessly authoritarian and lacking in direct connection with your child. I felt like the underlying message was that kids are naughty, amoral automatons and you need to be the boss of them and demand obeisance, versus being the captain of the ship and calmly in charge, helping your child be the best person they can be, which they actually do want to do.
Also worth noting that there’s some shaming of nursing mothers who use the breast to soothe their child, and I wasn’t ok with that judgment.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overview of common problems at different ages, and practical advice with lots of examples for handling various issues. A bit harsher than I tend to parent, but a good jumping off point. I particularly liked the insight into why kids act out in certain ways. And the scripts for handling issues are useful. I plan to get a paper copy to keep as a reference.

[Larissa Peay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked it. He seems to use an attachment lens but also teaches regarding self-soothing and natural consequences. A bit old school, but sometimes that’s a good thing. Definitely focuses on the younger child (about 6-19 and under) but the principles are universal.

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Most of his book made sense. However, there were areas where I felt he was biased from experiences as a child. So he went to the opposite extreme. For example, I got the idea that he was physically spanked in abusive, humiliating ways that caused resentment in him from the time of the first incident. So he says that physical discipline is unnecessary. However, until the vocabulary and understanding and beginning of self-discipline in a child are developed sufficiently, a light tap will get their attention and deter them from the more serious consequences of their misbehavior. The Bible says that he who spares the rod spoils the child. This word refers not to infants or to preschoolers. It specifically refers to small toddlers. And it does not say to cause physical harm to the child. All discipline, whether done in a physical or non-physical way should be done in a way that is non-humiliating. It should be done in a way that builds up a child's self-esteem and increases his confidence. If a parent remembers discipline that is humiliating, that does not mean that he should not discipline. It means that he should change the method of discipline so that it is effective and harmless.

In a similar way, he seems to think that you should let young children work out their problems on their own. I believe in putting myself into the shoes of a child whom I am disciplining. If a child is left to "work out" problems with a sibling twice his age and weight, and much more developed than he is, then that older sibling will always win and the parent, who is supposed to be a protector of the child, has thrown him to the wolves. The younger child has learned that his older sibling will always take advantage of him and his parents will not protect him... Sad.

I also do not believe that it is normal for children to bite, kick and punch each other. He says this is a result of frustrations building up in their lives. If you felt that frustrated, you would change the situation before you resorted to that kind of behavior. In the same way, I feel that parents should realize when they are putting their children in a situation that is frustrating for them, and they should change the situation for the child BEFORE he feels a need to bite. In my opinion, allowing a child to get to the stage of frustration that he bites is bad parenting.

But most of the book was common sense, helping parents to feel how their children were feeling, and most important, to treat them as the parents would want to be treated, to realize that their feelings and memories are as intense at 3 as they are at 30.

He makes parents aware of how the baby is communicating with looks even before he can understand words... how he is communicating emotions as well as needs.

Many of these examples would have been extremely helpful in a video.

[Ricky · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this during my first stint in nannying a 3 and 5 year old. The parents lent it to me after their teachers recommended it. I found it incredibly helpful, and that the children responded positively to the techniques suggested. Of course, these strategies are also reinforced by the parents and teachers, so that only makes sense.

Being a prison abolitionist, I found a lot of parallel points. Discipline is not about punishment, but teaching. Similarly, we shouldn't have prisons because they're only about punishment. Instead, we should promote education, rehab, harm reduction, and generally addressing root causes instead of symptoms of larger societal problems.

:)

[Steph R · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made it to pg 129, and then had to return it to the library, which was ok because most of the advice here is aimed at children who have language and not for the pre-two-year-old set. Still, in typical Brazelton fashion, he gives good, steady advice that treats children as the little people they are, capable of reason and intellect, albeit in a manner somewhat limited by their lack of emotional sophistication. It has been helpful to have some words to handle the nascent temper tantrums in our house, and the reinforcement for the need to be consistent, calm, and encouraging is always good.

[Alisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is a very clear, concise and helpful guide, and I totally agree with Brazelton's way of thinking. I would never have picked up a parenting book if I hadn't seen how many Brazelton books were on Brene Brown's bookshelf :)

It's for disciplining up to age 6 and I wish I would've known about it from when Freddy was 8 months old. Brazelton thinks of discipline as learning~ what children are seeking to learn through their behavior and what they're seeking to learn at different developmental stages. So great. Some new parent friends will be getting a copy from me!

[Melanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Despite there being a picture of a young toddler on the cover, this book is geared more towards the older toddler. It was good to hear ways to approach different behavior problems, but maybe I'll find it more applicable in a year or two.

[Holly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like the theory and general principles, but I wanted more examples and scenarios. I also wanted more tips for discipline appropriate for different ages. Overall, I think this book mistakenly erred on the side of being short rather than on being thorough. I'll try one of his longer books.

[Maria Serafini · Rating 4 out of 5]

Abbastanza chiaro e scorrevole, anche se molti concetti sono banali altri sono illuminanti. Non so se si riesca veramente a mettere in pratica quel che dice, nel momento della marachella o di disubbedienza, ma è bello sapere cosa si dovrebbe fare almeno!

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you have read one of his books you have pretty much read them all. A few good points in the book but not worth buying. I am glad I checked mine out from the library.

[John · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pretty standard book for this subject. There were some helpful tips, but a pretty straightforward approach to discipline.

[Kris Irvin · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bleh. It's easier and faster to just Google "Brazelton discipline" than reading the book. Probably more informative too.

[Laura Leane · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Dr. Brazelton's logic and demeanor towards children. I hope to follow his advice when I become a parent.

[Louis W · Rating 2 out of 5]

"Chapter 10: Because I Said So" was a bit short and arbitrary, but other than that it was a good read.