Outlaw Marriages: The Hidden Histories of Fifteen Extraordinary Same-Sex Couples

by Rodger Streitmatter

For more than a century before gay marriage became a hot-button political issue, same-sex unions flourished in America. Pairs of men and pairs of women joined together in committed unions, standing by each other “for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health” for periods of thirty or forty—sometimes as many as fifty—years. In short, they loved and supported each other every bit as much as any husband and wife.

In Outlaw Marriages, cultural historian Rodger Streitmatter reveals how some of these unions didn’t merely improve the quality of life for the two people involved but also enriched the American culture.

Among the high-profile couples whose lives and loves are illuminated in the following pages are Nobel Peace Prize winner Jane Addams and Mary Rozet Smith, literary icon Gertrude Stein and Alice B. Toklas, author James Baldwin and Lucien Happersberger, and artists Jasper Johns and Robert Rauschenberg.

Genres: Nonfiction, History, LGBT, Queer, Biography, Biography Memoir, Sexuality

224 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2012

About the author

Rodger Streitmatter is a journalist and cultural historian whose work explores how the media have helped to shape American culture. He is currently a professor in the School of Communication at American University.

Reviews

[Matt · Rating 4 out of 5]

There is no doubt that society has changed—some might say, evolved—over the last while, where things that were once taboo and illegal are now quite mainstream. In a leap towards equality and other inherent rights due to the larger citizen base, same-sex marriages have become something that no longer makes its way onto the front page of every newspaper. However, as Rodger Streitmatter discusses in this book, there was a time when such marriages were outlawed and those choosing to live in them either did so in secret, or chose not to care what others might whisper. Streitmatter amasses fifteen concrete examples of individuals who have made a significant difference in the America social fabric and yet were forced to have ‘outlaw marriages’ or at least long-lasting relationships. Streitmatter pulls together a number of interesting examples, from well-known poets to academic groundbreakers, through to artists of the canvas and stage. In all of the cases, at least one of the pair is quite a common name in their field, forced either to deny their sexual leanings or find ways to be happy and toss caution to the wind. Streitmatter’s focus is a brief biographical exploration of the key player, the relationship, and how things progressed (sometimes until death and at others, until the parties drifted apart). There is little talk of the vilification of the union, in either press or societal norms, which creates a more positive spin on the book’s narrative. Where there is love, let it be, no matter the notoriety or anonymity of those involved! Recommended to those who enjoy a little societal history across the late 19th and into the 20th century in America, as well as the reader looking for one of those unique books that pop up on occasion.

My eye caught this book a while ago, when a friend asked that I send it along to her. It gathered digital dust on one of my shelves until now, where it was resurrected for this reading challenge (see below). Why I waited so long, I will never know, for Rodger Streitmatter does such a wonderful job guiding the reader through the twists and turns of same-sex unions and relationships that some of the more prominent Americans had. While I will admit that only a few of the names were ones that I could pick out of a crowd, it was highly interesting to see how these individuals lived, at times shielding the outside world from their personal choices, while the relationship itself could be a rollercoaster of emotions. Streitmatter explores this with wonderful biographical blurbs and little editorialising. His stories and the events that led their way through the relationship are quite exciting and by no means clunky. I learned so very much as I made my way through this, with a narrative that flowed with ease. A mix of chapter lengths gives the reader some inclination that certain topics take longer to evolve than others, but there is no lack of curious anecdotes to fill the pages, as well as some wonderful photographs, about which Streitmatter lays the groundwork in the introduction. No longer taboo, these marriages are not outlaw unions and I am pleased to see that Rodger Streitmatter shed light on this most unique topic!

Kudos, Mr. Streitmatter, for such a refreshing book that held my attention throughout. I would be eager to explore some of your other work in the not too distant future.

This book fulfils the Topic #5: A Numbers Game (#290 on my TBR shelf) requirement of the Equinox #10 reading challenge.

Love/hate the review? An ever-growing collection of others appears at:
http://pecheyponderings.wordpress.com/

A Book for All Seasons, a different sort of Book Challenge: https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/...

[Calista · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nonfiction look at 15 couples in American history part of an outlaw marriage. It is incredible that these people were able to do this, but they were also famous and people with money. I think that is what insulated them and allowed them the privilege to do this. People let wealthy and famous people do whatever they want really. It’s no wonder these are the people who could do this.

Walt Whitman, Gertrude Stein, Gretta Garbo, Aaron Copeland were a few of the people listed in this book.

Rodger Streitmatter does a great job here. He goes into their career and how they made themselves, how they met their partner and their outlaw marriage and how it worked for them. Some of them ended in decline, but most ended in death as most unions do. This was very fascinating to read actually. It was a little fact based and not as fleshed out as it could be, but it's so interesting to read these stories in a time when being gay was almost criminal.

[KatieMc · Rating 2 out of 5]

As 2014 has been a banner year for gay marriage, this is a good conclusion to my 2014 reading.

Outlaw Marriages had the promise of being interesting, but like marriage, it ended up being a bit dull. A series of moderately interesting mini-biographies about early 20th century same-sex power couples, it was a bit formulaic and lacked any spark. The bright side of this book is that the concept of an outlaw marriage is largely a thing of the past, at least in 35 of 50 state in the US. We mustn't forget, there are many parts of the world where such couplings are still considered outlaw.

[Alicja · Rating 4 out of 5]

rating: 4/5

A collection of short biographies of 15 same-sex couples spanning about a century and a half that contributed to American culture and history; from writers to social change activists, from artists to academics, from business entrepreneurs to musicians, and others.

This was a fascinating non-fiction read, inviting us into the lives and loves of 15 very different couples of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals (which pleasantly surprised me). Although the chapters were short, the writing a bit dry, and some of the descriptions of the men a tad, uh, detailed and thorough. Despite that, I still enjoyed it immensely.

Most interesting was seeing how the achievements of the LGBs are weaved into the fabric of our U.S./Western European history. Many were famous without society knowing about their outlaw marriages, and yet their contributions wouldn’t have had as much impact if it wasn’t for their supporting (and often extraordinary, if not famous themselves) partners.

Many of these relationships lasted twenty, thirty, forty, and even fifty years. Some lasted until death, some failed, while others broke up and got back together again. Some were open and others monogamous. Some lived together and others didn’t or couldn’t. Some existed in complete secret, others were accepted by their closest friends and family, and the fortunate ones were able to live openly. Some were tragic stories, others happy, and still others a mix of the two.

The book’s focus on Americans limited the geography and diversity (more diversity was presented in the second half of the text) of the couples. However, it seems the author made an effort. I understand how much harder (if not impossible) it would be to find reliable records for minorities or the poor the further we go back in time, especially with the secrecy needed around these kinds of relationships. With that said, it is still a fascinating look at how regardless of society’s mores, the desire to love and be loved is essential to the human experience.

[charlotte, · Rating 3 out of 5]

can't be bothered to make these more coherent so, here, have some thoughts

• i know choice of couples is mostly driven by visibility, but they're all rich ones who can do whatever they want and i don't really relate to that (they're also somewhat a bunch of wankers, but hey, so are most straight people)

• i guess it's good because it shows we've always been here, and wanting marriage equality isn't some new thing

• also good is that it shows gay folk are regular people, not everyone has to be somehow special, but god if that doesn't bore me to death (i am not interested in interior design in any way, i don't care that elsie de wolfe, a lesbian, was the first paid interior decorator, beyond hey that's cool)

• very much sequence-of-events style writing, which is okay, but it gets dry

• no trans couples huh

• it's an interesting book, sure, but reading it has just made me realise how little i want to read about the individuals, especially rich ones, i'm more interested in history on a larger scale (that's not to say i didn't enjoy finding out about these people, though, because i didn't know most of them before)

• i don't think there's really anything outright WRONG with these choices, they're just not choices that really interest me, yeah the focus is on america but they're still overwhelmingly cis and white

• the age gaps of some of them....jesus (esp copland who the author makes a point of saying only went for "late teens or early twenties")

• i'm not saying don't show unhealthy relationships, or that you can even really decide whether they are unhealthy, given the years that have passed since, but to present them just as a relation of facts seems....odd

• also somewhat depressing to see all the relationships fall apart as well (i think i counted one (beach/leyendecker) that didn't?)

• couldn't you have found some that didn't have infidelity?? (again only counted two - the second of which was just because they established the fact it was an open relationship at the start - lol)

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting!

Outlaw Marriages
My Rodger Streitmatter
This is a very informative and interesting book. It has couple of same-sex relationships that were couples when it was "shameful" and it could have been deadly too. Definitely illegal.
Some of these couples I had never heard of. Of the ones I did know, I only knew one of them because the other partner was the one hidden from the media. Some are very famous and some famous but I just didn't know their names. How did I not know Greta Garbo was in a same sex relationship?
The book introduces a couple, then tells about about the history of each partner, then how they met, their life together, achievements, difficulties if any, and death. Then on to next couple. It does have a picture of each couple.
It's an interesting book.

[Stacie · Rating 3 out of 5]

As some others have said, I really wanted to enjoy this book much more than I did, and I feel a little cheated that I didn't. It had a great topic, the couples included were diverse and interesting, the sketches were very readable, etc.

Perhaps I'm too finicky, but I was immediately distracted and annoyed by the footnote indicators, of all things. I read the Kindle edition of the book and the footnote numbers were the same size as the text, something I've never before encountered. When the first one appeared I thought it was simply a typo for a moment. Not only were these an irritation throughout the book, several times when tapping to the next page my finger hit the numbers and I was propelled to the footnote section of the book. This seems like something that editing should have caught and corrected.

Speaking of editing, the book was rife with missing words and commas, forcing me to play mental fill-in-the-blanks.

Also related to footnotes, in many of the sketches it seemed as if every paragraph was footnoted. For some reason it reminded me of learning to write reports in grade school and the process of figuring out how to take an encyclopedia fact and put it in my own words rather than than repeat it verbatim. This problem improved in the more recent sketches, but I could not shake the deja vu feeling of being in fourth grade at the library surrounded by encyclopedias as I wrote about the Seven Wonders of the World. Many of the early sketches just felt like the author had no original ideas about the subjects and was just paraphrasing what he'd read.

Aside from those issues, I just felt like I wanted more than the author gave me. It left me feeling very unsatisfied. This should have been an absolutely fascinating read, but this author failed to deliver much more than a feeling that I'd just read a few wikipedia articles.

[Brian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Outlaw looks at 15 couples during a time when being gay was against the law. Several of the couples had one person famous and the other partner was muse and or caretaker to his or her famous spouse. That was the case with Walt Whitman and his beloved streetcar conductor Peter Doyle who was much younger than the great poet. Doyle was Whitman’s muse when he wrote Leaves of Grass. Greta Garbo was outraged when her partner and social and career advisor Mercedes do Acosta published a memoir of their time together. The book included topless photos of the great beauty. Frank Merlo “stabilized Tennessee Williams life so his creative juices could begin flowing again. Alice B. Toklas was instrumental in getting Gertrude Stein‘s writings published.

A great read.

[MsAprilVincent · Rating 3 out of 5]

*listened on audible

The accounts of these “outlaw” (read: gay) relationships go a long way toward “normalizing” same-sex partnerships, in that the dramas and mundanity are the same no matter who you fall in love with, because people are people and we all have the ability to be wonderful assholes.

*the narrator’s dry emotionless tone seemed incongruous for a book about connection, tension, and passion

[Emilie · Rating 3 out of 5]

i don't have too too much to say about this book, other than i liked it and it was informative while still managing to be interesting. the author presents a chapter per couple about the relationships and accomplishments of 15 historical figures in the lgbt world, whether or not their sexuality was known during their lifetimes. i had no idea about the sexuality or accomplishments of a lot of them. it was interesting to see that for most of the more famous halves of the couples, their best work came when they had the love, support, and oftentimes inspiration of their lesser known companions. one thing that drove me fucking CRAZY was how many times the author referred to these relationships as “outlaw marriages.” YES, we get that that's the title. how clever of you to then use the same phrase 2-3 times per chapter. grrr. but if you can deal with that and are interested in the lives of 15 influential people and their plus ones throughout history, you should read this book!

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

Compilation of several same sex couples, one of which was famous, all of which are deceased now. No present day couples in the book. Written by gay man which is awesome. The book read like a textbook, very formulaic. Each chapter told a bit about where they were born. What jobs they had. How they met. How they influenced one another in their work and emotional well being. How one helped the other become famous. How they aged, fell ill and died and whether the partner was mentioned in obituary. Good for assigned reading in a college course, but it needed some serious razzle dazzle.

[Patricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Who knew that same-sexed couples were so influential in shaping arts and culture in America? Rodger Streitmatter, that's who. In 15 tightly constructed, fact-filled vignettes, Streigmatter tells the stories of these same-sexed couples who revolutionized the art world, invented interior design, opened the doors of education more fully for women, and enriched the film industry. Most of these couples could not or would not openly acknowledge their relationships during their lifetimes which is both a shame and downright sad. These relationships were, for the most part, loving, supportive, encouraging and deeply creative. It was pleasure to read such stories of the love and accomplishment.

[Yasmin · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fascinating look at fifteen interesting couples. My only compliant is that Ruth Prawer Jhabvala was not mentioned at all in the Ismail Merchant and James Ivory story. She was part of a trio in their joint film making days. The Householder was based on her book and she wrote many screen plays with them. Nevertheless a very good read, interesting and very well written. Highly recommended.

[Madeleine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very interesting brief sketches of several same-sex partnerships that influenced somepart of American culture. I liked it, they were short but very informative like a series of newspaper articles. They could have been tighter and sharper but I enjoyed in nonetheless.

20 out of50 yr.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved reading about these various American same-sex couples through history. Some I knew, others I didn't. Very poignant book to have been reading as the Supreme Court decisions came down.

[LynnDee (LynnDee's Library) · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found the content interesting but overall the reading experience was just meh. The snapshots of each couple were written as if the author was reciting facts he had read about each of them, and did little to infuse any emotion into the stories. I found the people to be interesting (some I had heard of and some I hadn't) and so I am inspired to read more about them. But overall, with a topic as poignant as homosexuality and love, I found the writing to be too dry and academic.

[Theo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'd probably give this 3.5 stars in reality. I was more interested in some couples than others, through no fault of the author. I enjoyed learning about so many different queer relationships, good or bad, and i loved the diverse histories. It took quite a while for me to finish because i get bored of nonfiction quite easily, but i think this could be a good jumping off point for people like myself who are interested in queer history.

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

this is a great book I totally recommend to everyone

[Sharla · Rating 3 out of 5]

These are mini-biographies of several famous people, seen through the lens of their status as same-sex couples at a time when that was not acceptable. They tend to be a bit dry but definitely interesting.

[Ally · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of brief biographies-in-essay, OUTLAW MARRIAGES is a fascinating read. Each chapter contains the profile of a same-sex couple who made a major and lasting impact on the world, in a time when such couples were not accepted in society. Some of the names, like Walt Whitman, Gertrude Stein, Greta Garbo, and Tennessee Williams may be familiar, but many of the persons were unknown to me - and none of their partners were names I recognized. It was inspiring, in a world where same-sex relationships are still denounced by many in society, to learn just how much our culture has benefited from the contributions of these couples. Spheres of influence range from literature and art, to education and social justice, to music and interior design - and span from 1865 through to 1988.

While I connected with the subject matter, I was not drawn back to the collection because of the writing style. Once I started a chapter (one couple per chapter) I was interested enough to finish it, but I never was left wanting to pick up the book to continue. I was interested in the relationships, and wouldn't be opposed to reading more about some of the duos who I found particularly interesting, but I'm not sure I'll be looking for more works by this author.

While I had issues connecting to the writing style of OUTLAW MARRIAGES, I generally enjoyed the collection of 15 relationship biographies. The fact that, even in the late 1980's, same-sex couples still felt pressure to hide their relationships from the public is both saddening and angering, but the fact that they made their contributions at all is something to be celebrated.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a very interesting read about the hidden lives of some of the past century's most influential figures. Some of the people I was aware of before the book, while others I only learned about from the novel, but they all played big roles in American culture in the last 150 years. Some of the chapters were more interesting than others, as some had more information than others.

It also bears saying, that just because these people were noteworthy and in same sex relationships does not mean that they were necessarily the best people. Unfortunately, a good number of the couples ended up splitting up at some point - going through a sort of "divorce" - often due to infidelity. However, it just goes to show that even though they weren't legally married, and their relationship was not acknowledged by much of society, they were still just ordinary people, doing their best, flaws and all.

I gave this three stars just because I wasn't a huge fan of his writing style. Also, considering the book is on the relationships, most of the chapters ended up focusing on the couple's professional accomplishments, with the occasional note about how this affected their marriage. I wish it had been more of the other way around (more about the relationships with less about their professional lives) but I understand that for many of the couples, the knowledge probably just isn't there.

All in all, though, this was an informative, enjoyable read that I would recommend to anyone interested in either history or LGBT issues.

[Julia · Rating 3 out of 5]

In Outlaw Marriages author Rodger Streitmatter chronicles the hidden relationships, both tender and turbulent, of fifteen same-sex couples in recent history. What I appreciated most about this book was the sheer amount of information that was new to me; I'd had no idea about the backgrounds of many of these fascinating women and men. Many a time I interrupted my reading in the middle of a chapter, inspired to find out more (e.g., listen to Fanfare for the Common Man, search for images of Johns' flag paintings, find Baldwin's books at the library). On the other hand, I also found the writing somewhat irritating. The chapters were laid out rather unimaginatively -- formulaic and dry. The author also came across as self-congratulatory at having coined the term "outlaw marriage," forcing it into the text at every conceivable opportunity.

[Mick Meyers · Rating 3 out of 5]

as other readers have pointed out a series of mini biographies on people mainly from the world of art,writing,cinema world.a couple I had heard of many I had not.it was informative as well as going on to explain their contributions to their particular field.as with any relationships one tends to be the muse and remain slightly less renowned then their partner.but the overall effect is each of them achieve much more by being part of a so called outlaw marriage.they gave us so much in return for sometimes a life of disappointment.a good starting point to use, to go on and read more in depth biographies on the people mentioned.

[Dania F · Rating 2 out of 5]

Rarely has a book that I was looking forward to read fallen this flat of my expectations. The premise and content seemed compelling 15 short biographies of same sex couples who defied the accepted norms of their time. 15 high profile couples. Who doesn't love a good biography of audacious men and women or a good love story. Yet, the execution is poor and the writing feels more like a school essay of a mediocre student than engaging prose. I wish someone with more talent for writing had written this book, because I really wanted to like it. The only reason it gets two 🌟 is that the content was good.

[Ginger K]

I want to like this book more than I do. The profiled couples are interesting. The writing style, on the other hand, is very plain, almost perfunctory, with some repetitiveness in the descriptions and largely lacking in complex sentences. I've read about three of the fifteen couples, but don't think I'll finish the book before the digital ARC expires.

Honestly, I'm wondering if maybe I'm just not cut out for biographies. (The section on Whitman and Doyle makes me interested in reading Whitman's poetry, though. So I guess I've gotten something out of it?)

[Susan Honthumb · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was enthralled and surprised. Most names were new to me. I don't have an extensive background on Walt Whitman, but I had never read that he was gay. I loved the longevity of those who stuck it out. To be gay in early the 1900s is beyond my imagination, and I have experienced my own share of harassment for being a lesbian. Greta Garbo's story shocked me. Tennessee Williams not so much. I already knew about Stein and Toklas. James Baldwin's story is included in everything I have read about him in the past. I was disappointed that Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville West wasn't mentioned.

[Gretchen · Rating 4 out of 5]

The fifteen chapters and the stories therein are quick but poigent. A lot of times there is little information to be found about the people in question, as they were either discreet or tried to destroy evidence of their same sex relationships. But the fact that I knew about very few of these going in was both exciting and disheartening. I learned a lot, but it is sad that the world we live in still tries to hide a lot of LGBTQA history. However, I did basically come away from reading it cackling, "all your historical faves were queer!"

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

In a series of mini-biographies, Streitmatter introduces the lives and achievements of fifteen same-sex couples in the 19th and 20th century who forged longlived partnerships long before the push for marriage equality finally gathered enough momentum to become reality in the US. A truly fascinating subject, but the writing is frequently so dry and devoid of emotion as to make this a bit of a dull read nevertheless.

[Joshua · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a fantastic book. It was so illuminating to read/hear about same sex couples in the 20th and 21st century. So much has changed. It is amazing to see how same sex couples made relationships work prior to state or federal recognition. So many times younger gays do not know their history. It was people in relationships like these that paved the way for full marriage rights in the USA

[Shawn Thrasher · Rating 3 out of 5]

interesting

Quick snapshots of gay and lesbian couples over the years. Little dives into each, as deep as you can get with such little space. Times have changed for sure. Read and see how.