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The (New and Improved) Loving Dominant
Previous editions of The Loving Dominant taught more than 40,000 people the fundamentals of safe, affectionate dominance and submission. Now John and Libby Warren, two of the scene's most respected educators, have updated this seminal work for a new generation of practitioners. Includes an all-new chapter on partner-finding, plus new information on electricity play, ethical play with multiple partners, watersports, kinky digital photography, and more! (Amazon description)
224 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1994
242 people are currently reading
1629 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews
May 27, 2017
"Of course, no dominant or top would ever ignore a safeword, but one of the more enjoyable games is finding ways to slide around a submissive's limits."
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU
March 3, 2015
I was interested in reading this and getting some kind of psychological or emotional ideas about the relationships between dominants and submissives. The book started out not bad, but then devolved into a weird and borderline creepy "How To Land a Submissive Partner." Instead of encouraging his audience to do crazy things like have communications with the people they want to have sex with, Warren recommends incorporating mild bondage and domination techniques into your relationship... without any conversation first. While none of what he suggests is really wild or out there, it completely flies in the face of one of the largest rules of BDSM: consent.
Other issues include: generally poorly written - there's an unnecessary number of typos and grammatical errors, shame on Warren's editor. The section written by his wife, his submissive, is even more poorly written, and doesn't expand very far into the deeper emotional and psychological aspects of being a submissive.
A poor guide to being loving, a poor guide to finding a submissive.
Other issues include: generally poorly written - there's an unnecessary number of typos and grammatical errors, shame on Warren's editor. The section written by his wife, his submissive, is even more poorly written, and doesn't expand very far into the deeper emotional and psychological aspects of being a submissive.
A poor guide to being loving, a poor guide to finding a submissive.
September 5, 2017
In this episode of "You probably didn't want to know"....
In all seriousness, this is a pretty good resource and jumping off point. There's a lot of little things that make this pretty enjoyable, such as the bits of history and the DIY section. At the very least, it emphasizes safety and good communication as well as the emotional and sensory aspects that make BDSM appealing. Much like the Ethical Slut, it's an easy read with a playful tone. I do wish this was a bit more comprehensive and it did leave me wanting me, but I'll definitely pull this out again. At least for when I need to tie a secure knot.
In all seriousness, this is a pretty good resource and jumping off point. There's a lot of little things that make this pretty enjoyable, such as the bits of history and the DIY section. At the very least, it emphasizes safety and good communication as well as the emotional and sensory aspects that make BDSM appealing. Much like the Ethical Slut, it's an easy read with a playful tone. I do wish this was a bit more comprehensive and it did leave me wanting me, but I'll definitely pull this out again. At least for when I need to tie a secure knot.
September 4, 2013
I bought this as a Kindle book while I was doing research for my Butterfly series. I wanted to explore the possibility of someone being dominant or submissive, without it necessarily involving sadistic or masochistic behaviour. I found this book really helpful and discovered to my delight that relationships involving dominance and submission do not need to involve pain and hurting.
March 11, 2019
Read this book because it was the book chosen by the book club I belong to. Some interesting points but I was not happy that the author seemed to advocate coercion if his partner was not fully onboard with what he wants. Often felt like a very 1950s view of BDSM. I would not feel safe in a scene with this man. Coercion is abuse not dominance.
July 3, 2010
Okay...this book turned out to be very not what I was looking for. This book is written for a Dominant...not a sub. There was maybe one page that was useful for a sub looking to introduce his/her S/O into dominance. And the author actually made the comment that it was only in there to increase book sales.
There were sections that included how to find a sub, the club scene, and a lot of S/M stuff that I frankly skipped over because it's not my kink.
There were some basic rope tying tips, and some ideas on where to find torture instruments. Neither one was great for me or mine.
The only section that proved interesting at all for me was the section that posed some questions on if you would make a good Dom, and hubs answers were right where I knew they would be and it helped to show him a little about the D/s relationship. Other that that....meh.
There were sample contracts in the appedix that could prove interesting for some as well. But this was more like a nuts and bolts education that read like instruction manuals rather than a "loving" relationship book that I was looking for.
There was also a couple of pages written by a sub about her experiences in the lifestyle. I wasn't drawn in by her writing, or the main authors at all.
Might be good for some looking to get in deeper into the lifestyle, or venture into the club scene, but definitely not for my situation.
There were sections that included how to find a sub, the club scene, and a lot of S/M stuff that I frankly skipped over because it's not my kink.
There were some basic rope tying tips, and some ideas on where to find torture instruments. Neither one was great for me or mine.
The only section that proved interesting at all for me was the section that posed some questions on if you would make a good Dom, and hubs answers were right where I knew they would be and it helped to show him a little about the D/s relationship. Other that that....meh.
There were sample contracts in the appedix that could prove interesting for some as well. But this was more like a nuts and bolts education that read like instruction manuals rather than a "loving" relationship book that I was looking for.
There was also a couple of pages written by a sub about her experiences in the lifestyle. I wasn't drawn in by her writing, or the main authors at all.
Might be good for some looking to get in deeper into the lifestyle, or venture into the club scene, but definitely not for my situation.
August 28, 2014
Wise, insightful, informative, and well written, with a personable voice. Covers such a broad range of play scenes too. I still refer back to this now and again.
June 8, 2016
This is an excellent book to explain what sorts of things can be done, and, moreover HOW to use them within a loving long-term relationship - and finding an appropriate partner. Included are some contracts of submission, explaining exactly what are the hard limits which will not be crossed - which are agreed to by both partners, helping to bring about trust.
Trust is the major issue in a D/s relationship, especially for the submissive. Also included are some additions to play, including the addition of other players, or capturing it with a camera. Details of some equipment or props to be used, and how to set it up so that it's safe is also included. Techniques for play are well explained.
I look through this again and again!
Trust is the major issue in a D/s relationship, especially for the submissive. Also included are some additions to play, including the addition of other players, or capturing it with a camera. Details of some equipment or props to be used, and how to set it up so that it's safe is also included. Techniques for play are well explained.
I look through this again and again!
May 28, 2009
Not a thorough overview, more of a discussion on starting out and how to learn and move from beginner to more experienced, more specific on scene creation and ideas. This author canNOT spell, but the information seems sound. His bias is towards very SLOW increases in intensity, and introducing only one element per scene that is new to the players. (New to these players means new to them as a unit, even if they have experience with that element with other players.) I really appreciate the caution advised here. Sounds sensible.
August 29, 2022
Ugh.
I've been sort of reading this book for over a year now, after seeing it recommended by a kink educator. Every time I pick it up, I read something that really turns me off, and I put it down and think I'll go back to it and give it a fair appraisal later.
Well tonight I picked it up and opened to a chapter on basically how to coerce your spouse into a BDSM relationship if they don't have the inclination, and that is the final straw for me. BDSM without enthusiastic and negotiated consent is abuse, full stop.
Elsewhere this fellow gives long, proud narratives of his edge play and "boundary pushing" which again...does not give me confidence that he is terribly concerned with consent. He gives it plenty of lip service, but in the scenes he describes it does not seem to be a major component.
He does give a lot of time to finding/making bondage and impact equipment, and I suppose this could be a useful resource for some people. There's some basic terminology and safety protocols that are good to have, but I think there are better resources out there with way less problematic stuff attached.
Overall, the author comes off as a self aggrandizing character way more than a LOVING dominant. Please avoid.
I've been sort of reading this book for over a year now, after seeing it recommended by a kink educator. Every time I pick it up, I read something that really turns me off, and I put it down and think I'll go back to it and give it a fair appraisal later.
Well tonight I picked it up and opened to a chapter on basically how to coerce your spouse into a BDSM relationship if they don't have the inclination, and that is the final straw for me. BDSM without enthusiastic and negotiated consent is abuse, full stop.
Elsewhere this fellow gives long, proud narratives of his edge play and "boundary pushing" which again...does not give me confidence that he is terribly concerned with consent. He gives it plenty of lip service, but in the scenes he describes it does not seem to be a major component.
He does give a lot of time to finding/making bondage and impact equipment, and I suppose this could be a useful resource for some people. There's some basic terminology and safety protocols that are good to have, but I think there are better resources out there with way less problematic stuff attached.
Overall, the author comes off as a self aggrandizing character way more than a LOVING dominant. Please avoid.
June 22, 2007
the classic beginner's guide to the sexual practice of bdsm (bondage, domination, sadism and masochism), this book reinforces throughout how the "dominant" position in such a relationship is actually a caring, loving one towards the submissive partner in question. if you've ever needed to understand what "safe words" are, or how one goes about having a "consensual master/slave relationship," this is the book for you.
October 24, 2017
Was a good informative read
April 28, 2020
Good information, all Safe, Sane, and Concessional.
October 19, 2012
This is a nice book. It's well-written, and has a balanced viewpoint from both sides of the fence. It seems at first like it might be closed-minded (see reference above to heterosexual, male-dominance), but any intelligent person can quickly recognise that the only reason this is so is because this is only viewpoint from which the authors have any authority to write. After all, they are in a heterosexual, male-dominant partnership!
I enjoyed reading this for the insights it provided into the "loving" side of D/s, but it really did focus a lot on the play aspects of the sexual relationship. I mean, I love the play ideas it gave us, but I suppose when I read the title I was half expecting a book about more of a 24/7 relationship. Not so. Whether or not the authors have such a relationship, the book is not about that.
If you are looking for a detailed and intelligent instructional about kink play, this is for you. If you are looking for an instructional about a romantic 24/7 D/s relationship, this is not it.
CHECK OUT MY OTHER REVIEWS: http://dirtyfilthybookslut.blogspot.com
I enjoyed reading this for the insights it provided into the "loving" side of D/s, but it really did focus a lot on the play aspects of the sexual relationship. I mean, I love the play ideas it gave us, but I suppose when I read the title I was half expecting a book about more of a 24/7 relationship. Not so. Whether or not the authors have such a relationship, the book is not about that.
If you are looking for a detailed and intelligent instructional about kink play, this is for you. If you are looking for an instructional about a romantic 24/7 D/s relationship, this is not it.
CHECK OUT MY OTHER REVIEWS: http://dirtyfilthybookslut.blogspot.com
Read
July 28, 2011I read this because I was convinced that the central character in most romance novels is this ultra dominant heterosexual guy in various guises dependent on the specific genre.
Within it I found the following quote to support that theory: ""Before I got into a relationship with a romance author I had always dismissed romance novels as chaste escapism. They may be escapism, but they are not chaste. A husband who discovers dominant tendencies and whose wife reads authors like Rosemary Rogers, Jayne Krentz and Sandra Brown is halfway to heaven."
I wonder what he'd have to say of readers of J R Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood or Karen Marie Moning's Highlander books. Something very similar I suspect.
Overall I thought it was pretty well written for anyone with any interest in this lifestyle. Though plenty of it held no interest for me whatever, I thought it was well presented and well written.
Within it I found the following quote to support that theory: ""Before I got into a relationship with a romance author I had always dismissed romance novels as chaste escapism. They may be escapism, but they are not chaste. A husband who discovers dominant tendencies and whose wife reads authors like Rosemary Rogers, Jayne Krentz and Sandra Brown is halfway to heaven."
I wonder what he'd have to say of readers of J R Ward's Black Dagger Brotherhood or Karen Marie Moning's Highlander books. Something very similar I suspect.
Overall I thought it was pretty well written for anyone with any interest in this lifestyle. Though plenty of it held no interest for me whatever, I thought it was well presented and well written.
July 14, 2017
Otherthan the spelling and grammar errors that are throughout the book, I did enjoy reading this book. It offers great insight into the lifestyle and what goes on with the dominant side of things. It also gives ideas and educates those who are studying the submissive side as well, so I would recommend that everyone reads this who has an interest into the Bdsm kink.
There were a few things that I wish that this book has (no idea if the newer edition would have it though, I borrowed this from a friend). In the contracts section, I wish it showed a greater sample of what the dominant must provide to the submissive and how that could be writen. The next being that this book needs more diagrams, especially when describing rope techniques. So difficult to follow along in that section.
Overall, great read. More reading will need to be required, but this book is a great starting point. Some information is a bit dated, but I'm sure the newer edition isn't as much.
There were a few things that I wish that this book has (no idea if the newer edition would have it though, I borrowed this from a friend). In the contracts section, I wish it showed a greater sample of what the dominant must provide to the submissive and how that could be writen. The next being that this book needs more diagrams, especially when describing rope techniques. So difficult to follow along in that section.
Overall, great read. More reading will need to be required, but this book is a great starting point. Some information is a bit dated, but I'm sure the newer edition isn't as much.
March 11, 2017
This is NOT a fictional book; it is a manual. I'm a switch, but in my current relationship, I generally take the Domme role. My sub asked me to read this book when we got together and am I ever glad I did! It has some great tips for Doms/Dommes, including explanations on how to make the relationship work safely both emotionally and physically for both the Dominant and the submissive. A lot of FICTION today skips over the emotional well-being and it frightens me that people may think that's how these relationships work! A must-read for newbies as well as the experienced in BDSM.
January 28, 2014
Fantastic! Its a great introduction for those wanting to take the dominant role in any BDSM relationship. I would go so far as to say that its essential. Everything from finding partners, exploring one's motives and expectations, to making toys. The only other book that compares to it for the dominant / top role is 'The Topping Book'. If you're interested in this role in this kind of relationship, its well worth the price.
March 11, 2022
DNF at 30%
All this talk of "how to convert a vanilla partner" is massively creepy, lacks informed consent, and would not fly in the current BDSM scene. The authors tell the reader to initiate kinky play with no negotitions and to lie about their intentions in the hopes that their unwitting victim will like whatever the "dominant" does. They imply that communicating directly and honestly is too hard and you risk too much rejection, so you should just push boundaries instead!
All this talk of "how to convert a vanilla partner" is massively creepy, lacks informed consent, and would not fly in the current BDSM scene. The authors tell the reader to initiate kinky play with no negotitions and to lie about their intentions in the hopes that their unwitting victim will like whatever the "dominant" does. They imply that communicating directly and honestly is too hard and you risk too much rejection, so you should just push boundaries instead!
February 6, 2013
Very informative. I learned a lot, mostly to quash my assumptions about BDSM, D/s relationships. John did a great job of explaining not only the psychological aspect of the lifestyle, but the physical--most important, for me, being the safety and respect aspect. Not being in the lifestyle, nor remotely interested in being in the lifestyle, this was nevertheless a great and informative read.
July 9, 2013
Meh. I'm kinda ambivalent about kink books. Love kink. Love books. But the two together seem to suck the life out of the scene. Not authors' fault. Just somehow the scene collectively decided to drink it straight. Even with 'your mileage may vary' disclaimers. Grateful for the info. Miss the mystery.
July 20, 2007
Very accessible - romantic and readable. Will foster great ideas for your sex life. This is a very likeable book that I would even recommend to those not into BDSM per ce, but open to expaning their sex files.
August 29, 2011
I'm currently reading this book and it is very, very good for anyone who is researching or looking into the BDSM lifestyle. I found the authors funny and easy to follow. I recommend this book.
Lyn Armstrong
Lyn Armstrong
May 8, 2013
The only reason this one doesn't get a higher rating is because the editor clearly didn't do their job on the first edition of this book (which is the one I have and read). I really need to buy the updated edition. Other than the editing issues...it's a pretty good book.
May 28, 2007
The first few chapters are not bad but it drags and the New Topping book is far better, IMO. It's also very hetreo in narrative. Not bad but very drab.
July 24, 2012
This book gives you a different side to BDSM. Even though it is a really OLD book, I still found useful information.
February 5, 2013
Some interesting thoughts and perspectives, but all in all your basic BDSM primer. Solid tome.
March 9, 2014
Difficult to get started with this book at first. Learned a considerable amount from the Dominants perspective.
September 8, 2014
This book had a fair bit of practical knowledge but it was fairly hetro focused.
July 4, 2016
Decent.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 51 reviews