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Tea Party Fairy Tales
Once upon a time, James Finn Garner tried to “improve” young minds by rewriting classic children’s stories in Politically Correct Bedtime Stories. His plan may have worked all too well. Now, to save us from creeping socialism, death panels and everything progressive, he has written the antidote, Tea Party Fairy Tales.
In Tea Party Fairy Tales, Red Riding Hood stands up for her Second Amendment rights, the Little Match Girl defends the magic of the free market to her grave, and Jack of “Beanstalk” fame shows the moral decay of a life on the dole. For those who find these too long-winded, more than a dozen Aesop’s Fables have been reworked to illustrate the eternal truths of American conservatism in handy, shouting-points form.
Tea Party Fairy Tales deserves a place on every young American’s nightstand, right next to the Rush Limbaugh plush doll and a Smith & Wesson automatic, to help prevent the destruction of everything good and true in American culture. “Wake up, Storybookland! Before it’s too late!”
In Tea Party Fairy Tales, Red Riding Hood stands up for her Second Amendment rights, the Little Match Girl defends the magic of the free market to her grave, and Jack of “Beanstalk” fame shows the moral decay of a life on the dole. For those who find these too long-winded, more than a dozen Aesop’s Fables have been reworked to illustrate the eternal truths of American conservatism in handy, shouting-points form.
Tea Party Fairy Tales deserves a place on every young American’s nightstand, right next to the Rush Limbaugh plush doll and a Smith & Wesson automatic, to help prevent the destruction of everything good and true in American culture. “Wake up, Storybookland! Before it’s too late!”
66 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 2, 2012
17 people are currently reading
137 people want to read
About the author
James Finn Garner
49 books105 followersJames Finn Garner is an American writer and satirist based in Chicago.[1] He is the author of Politically Correct Bedtime Stories,[2] Tea Party Fairy Tales, and Honk Honk, My Darling.
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
August 26, 2012
Have to admit it: I'm easily amused.
Let me preface this review with the statement that I'm a political moderate; I'm neither a gushing liberal nor a knee-jerk conservative. I'm a veteran and vote my conscience as I've done for too many years to reveal here, but I'll admit that it goes back to when water was free and the price of a gallon of gas was less than what a cup of coffee costs today.
That being said, I found James Finn Garner's Tea Party Fairy Tales to be hilarious political humor, an excellent parody, and as a Kindle Single, it was just the right size. Anything more for this type of spoof would have been too much. And just because it has the term "Fairy Tales" in its title, please don't assume that it's a book for children, because it's not.
You've been warned, but please don't shoot the messenger.
Snarky, riotous political hilarity for those with a sense of humor...
The author's book Dedication set the pace with this quote from a prominent political group: "We oppose the teaching of higher order thinking skills, critical thinking skills, and similar programs ..." I had to laugh, recalling Stephen Colbert's July 17, 2012 rant on "The Colbert Report" but I love good political humor, wherever it's directed, and this parody is excellent political humor. Author Garner explains his motivation and where thing are headed in this book within his tongue-in-cheek Introduction, referencing (and sometimes skewering) pointy-headed academics, Disney Corporation, his own previous works... and of course, the Tea Party movement itself.
Garner's book takes classic fairy tales from familiar sources, the kinds that loving fathers and adoring grandmothers used to read to us back in the days before television (remember those days?), and then retells them, jabbing at a number of contemporary icons in the process. The first tale is based on that timeless classic, "Little Red Riding Hood," and right there we face this opening passage:
As tempting as it is, I'm not going to drop any spoilers as to where this went or how this one ended, but having heard this tale so often in my youth, it left me laughing openly in parts.
The next three are parodies of what we read in Aesop's Fables, and author Garner does a fine retelling of "The Fox and the Grapes", "The Lion and the Weasel" (think of The Lion and the Mouse), "The Bundle of Sticks", and "The Tortoise and the Sparrow" (from The Tortoise and the Eagle). There's an appropriate moral at the end of each of these.
That timeless classic fable that we know as "Jack and the Beanstalk" follows, and you can only wonder in wonderment as we begin this tale with his mother spending the day watching television and sending Jack out to sell their old cow, receiving five magic beans ("the fourth is a secure border ...") as payment. And yes, there's a beanstalk, along with a proverbial giant who rides around supervising things in his golf cart. But again, no spoilers; just read it.
The author returns to Aesop's Fables, and offers us more retold classics with titles such as: "The Fox and The Dog", "The Chicken, the Osprey and the Blue Jay" (Moral: The louder you shout, the righter you are.), and the "The Ox and the Fence." And once again, we find each ending with an appropriate moral, though they can be sometimes irreverent.
We encounter "The Little Match Girl," who couldn't return home until she had made a profit, as her father believed in the benefits of traditional corporal punishment. Then there's "The Fisherman, The Fish, His Wife and Her Lover," a very irreverent tale in with a talking fish that can grant wishes. From the title alone, one can see that the ending is predictable, but getting there is half the fun.
Obviously James Finn Garner must have had plenty of youthful indoctrination with Aesop's Fables, as he offers us his interpretations of "The Hare and the Tortoise", "The Grandson of the Hare and the Tortoise", a beautifully snarky retelling of "The Ant and the Grasshopper", and "The Sparrow and the Wren." Each of these is a tight little gem with a moral at the end.
The timeless classic of "The Three Little Pigs" is here as well, and the author's comical retelling begins with this:
This is one of the best of the book, and it provides enough zingers that this reader had to go back and read it again, as the author has a descriptive way of writing that make one happy to see that the English language is still a beautifully expressive medium. There are other gems that author Garner has included, including more updated retellings from Aesop's Fables, a very funny version of "The Princess and The Pea" (complete with bed that was 20 mattresses high, and "underneath it all, the housekeeper tucked a copy of Atlas Shrugged."), which shouldn't be missed.
"Snow White and the 7 (Really, 6) Sovereign Citizens" depicts the title character and her stepmother, the Queen, in ways that you would not expect, with an expressive Magic Mirror unlike any that Walt Disney could have ever envisioned in his 1937 classic. The seven Little Men are far from coy, and keeping up with today, the Queen also has the Mirror installed as an app on her smart phone, with the Queen and her Mirror "locked in a disgusting liberal love fest."
The author's final fairy tale, "The Eagles and the Crow," is a short one, and is fittingly taken again from Aesop. It's one the Eagles wanted to elect a leader, and many birds offered their service, including a young Crow. Again, no spoilers offered here, but the moral couldn't have been more perfect.
Sidenote:
In his 1960 offering Parodies: An Anthology from Chaucer to Beerbohm - and After , the late critic Dwight Macdonald offered this excellent definition: "Parody is making a new wine that tastes like the old but has a slightly lethal effect." During the 'Nam Era, it was one of those books that was a companion when things were getting a bit tough all around us, and it gave me a great appreciation for satire and parody. Miguel Cervantes' classic "Don Quixote" was a parody on "Amadis de Gaula" by Garci Rodríguez de Montalvo. Some of Lewis Carroll's parodies of Victorian verse for children are better known than the forgotten originals. In music, 'Weird Al' Yankovic's parodies have outlasted many of the bands or artists that he has parodied.
Summary:
This reader is quite familiar with James Finn Garner's writing, which I first encountered in 1994. His original Politically Correct Bedtime Stories became a bestseller, in which he satirized political correctness and the censorship of children's literature, with a heavy emphasis on humor and parody. Encountered his wit again in 1997 with Apocalypse Wow, which satirized the end of time, delving into Biblical prophecies and those from Nostradamus, and on to UFOs and much more.
As far as political correctness and humor go, I must admit to finding Stephen Colbert's I Am A Pole (And So Can You!) , which I purchased right after its release earlier this year, to be exceptionally funny. Garner's book here is topically different, but equally humorous as a whole.
In Tea Party Fairy Tales , author Garner takes a few good shots at a number of venerable institutions, such as government benefits, global warming, lawsuits, big business, four-bedroom homes, the NRA, ecology, government regulations, mandatory training, and endowments. Readers will encounter ecosystems, unemployment insurance, building permits, environmental impact reports, licenses, health insurance, the federal court system, mortgages payments, libertarian thinking, and moral corruption, to name just a few.
This one will be a personal gift (and what a bargain for me) for a number of Kindle-toting friends, ranging from the far right to the far left, and a few like me, right in the middle. In short, there's something for everyone here, regardless of your political persuasion. All that's required is an open mind and a true sense of humor.
Please note: portions of this review appeared previously on Amazon.com, but it's clear that this reviewer is in a minority. Somewhere along the line we seem as a society to have lost our collective sense of humor. I can only say that if you have no sense of humor when it comes to politics, just shake your head and pass this one by. But... if you're not some ranting, spittle-flecked, openly hostile political extremist with an axe to grind, from either end of the political spectrum, and you still remember how to smile (even if you're shaking your head), then this Kindle Single is for you.
As stated in the beginning, I'm easily amused... but I digress.
Let me preface this review with the statement that I'm a political moderate; I'm neither a gushing liberal nor a knee-jerk conservative. I'm a veteran and vote my conscience as I've done for too many years to reveal here, but I'll admit that it goes back to when water was free and the price of a gallon of gas was less than what a cup of coffee costs today.
That being said, I found James Finn Garner's Tea Party Fairy Tales to be hilarious political humor, an excellent parody, and as a Kindle Single, it was just the right size. Anything more for this type of spoof would have been too much. And just because it has the term "Fairy Tales" in its title, please don't assume that it's a book for children, because it's not.
You've been warned, but please don't shoot the messenger.
Snarky, riotous political hilarity for those with a sense of humor...
The author's book Dedication set the pace with this quote from a prominent political group: "We oppose the teaching of higher order thinking skills, critical thinking skills, and similar programs ..." I had to laugh, recalling Stephen Colbert's July 17, 2012 rant on "The Colbert Report" but I love good political humor, wherever it's directed, and this parody is excellent political humor. Author Garner explains his motivation and where thing are headed in this book within his tongue-in-cheek Introduction, referencing (and sometimes skewering) pointy-headed academics, Disney Corporation, his own previous works... and of course, the Tea Party movement itself.
Garner's book takes classic fairy tales from familiar sources, the kinds that loving fathers and adoring grandmothers used to read to us back in the days before television (remember those days?), and then retells them, jabbing at a number of contemporary icons in the process. The first tale is based on that timeless classic, "Little Red Riding Hood," and right there we face this opening passage:
"Once upon a time, when everything was as it should be, there lived a young girl named Red Riding Hood. Now, just because she was named Red and liked to skulk around in red clothing and hide her face with a hood doesn't make her a secret Communist. On the other hand, it doesn't mean we'll be letting our guard down, either. The price of liberty is eternal vigilance."
As tempting as it is, I'm not going to drop any spoilers as to where this went or how this one ended, but having heard this tale so often in my youth, it left me laughing openly in parts.
The next three are parodies of what we read in Aesop's Fables, and author Garner does a fine retelling of "The Fox and the Grapes", "The Lion and the Weasel" (think of The Lion and the Mouse), "The Bundle of Sticks", and "The Tortoise and the Sparrow" (from The Tortoise and the Eagle). There's an appropriate moral at the end of each of these.
That timeless classic fable that we know as "Jack and the Beanstalk" follows, and you can only wonder in wonderment as we begin this tale with his mother spending the day watching television and sending Jack out to sell their old cow, receiving five magic beans ("the fourth is a secure border ...") as payment. And yes, there's a beanstalk, along with a proverbial giant who rides around supervising things in his golf cart. But again, no spoilers; just read it.
The author returns to Aesop's Fables, and offers us more retold classics with titles such as: "The Fox and The Dog", "The Chicken, the Osprey and the Blue Jay" (Moral: The louder you shout, the righter you are.), and the "The Ox and the Fence." And once again, we find each ending with an appropriate moral, though they can be sometimes irreverent.
We encounter "The Little Match Girl," who couldn't return home until she had made a profit, as her father believed in the benefits of traditional corporal punishment. Then there's "The Fisherman, The Fish, His Wife and Her Lover," a very irreverent tale in with a talking fish that can grant wishes. From the title alone, one can see that the ending is predictable, but getting there is half the fun.
Obviously James Finn Garner must have had plenty of youthful indoctrination with Aesop's Fables, as he offers us his interpretations of "The Hare and the Tortoise", "The Grandson of the Hare and the Tortoise", a beautifully snarky retelling of "The Ant and the Grasshopper", and "The Sparrow and the Wren." Each of these is a tight little gem with a moral at the end.
The timeless classic of "The Three Little Pigs" is here as well, and the author's comical retelling begins with this:
"Long ago, before the New Deal and free love eroded our collective character, there lived three little Pigs. They were honest, everyday swine who played by the rules and didn't want or expect any special handouts. These Pigs were just like you and me, except for the fact that we wear pants most of the time. And just like you and me, they were in danger from evil outside forces."
This is one of the best of the book, and it provides enough zingers that this reader had to go back and read it again, as the author has a descriptive way of writing that make one happy to see that the English language is still a beautifully expressive medium. There are other gems that author Garner has included, including more updated retellings from Aesop's Fables, a very funny version of "The Princess and The Pea" (complete with bed that was 20 mattresses high, and "underneath it all, the housekeeper tucked a copy of Atlas Shrugged."), which shouldn't be missed.
"Snow White and the 7 (Really, 6) Sovereign Citizens" depicts the title character and her stepmother, the Queen, in ways that you would not expect, with an expressive Magic Mirror unlike any that Walt Disney could have ever envisioned in his 1937 classic. The seven Little Men are far from coy, and keeping up with today, the Queen also has the Mirror installed as an app on her smart phone, with the Queen and her Mirror "locked in a disgusting liberal love fest."
The author's final fairy tale, "The Eagles and the Crow," is a short one, and is fittingly taken again from Aesop. It's one the Eagles wanted to elect a leader, and many birds offered their service, including a young Crow. Again, no spoilers offered here, but the moral couldn't have been more perfect.
Sidenote:
In his 1960 offering Parodies: An Anthology from Chaucer to Beerbohm - and After , the late critic Dwight Macdonald offered this excellent definition: "Parody is making a new wine that tastes like the old but has a slightly lethal effect." During the 'Nam Era, it was one of those books that was a companion when things were getting a bit tough all around us, and it gave me a great appreciation for satire and parody. Miguel Cervantes' classic "Don Quixote" was a parody on "Amadis de Gaula" by Garci Rodríguez de Montalvo. Some of Lewis Carroll's parodies of Victorian verse for children are better known than the forgotten originals. In music, 'Weird Al' Yankovic's parodies have outlasted many of the bands or artists that he has parodied.
Summary:
This reader is quite familiar with James Finn Garner's writing, which I first encountered in 1994. His original Politically Correct Bedtime Stories became a bestseller, in which he satirized political correctness and the censorship of children's literature, with a heavy emphasis on humor and parody. Encountered his wit again in 1997 with Apocalypse Wow, which satirized the end of time, delving into Biblical prophecies and those from Nostradamus, and on to UFOs and much more.
As far as political correctness and humor go, I must admit to finding Stephen Colbert's I Am A Pole (And So Can You!) , which I purchased right after its release earlier this year, to be exceptionally funny. Garner's book here is topically different, but equally humorous as a whole.
In Tea Party Fairy Tales , author Garner takes a few good shots at a number of venerable institutions, such as government benefits, global warming, lawsuits, big business, four-bedroom homes, the NRA, ecology, government regulations, mandatory training, and endowments. Readers will encounter ecosystems, unemployment insurance, building permits, environmental impact reports, licenses, health insurance, the federal court system, mortgages payments, libertarian thinking, and moral corruption, to name just a few.
This one will be a personal gift (and what a bargain for me) for a number of Kindle-toting friends, ranging from the far right to the far left, and a few like me, right in the middle. In short, there's something for everyone here, regardless of your political persuasion. All that's required is an open mind and a true sense of humor.
Please note: portions of this review appeared previously on Amazon.com, but it's clear that this reviewer is in a minority. Somewhere along the line we seem as a society to have lost our collective sense of humor. I can only say that if you have no sense of humor when it comes to politics, just shake your head and pass this one by. But... if you're not some ranting, spittle-flecked, openly hostile political extremist with an axe to grind, from either end of the political spectrum, and you still remember how to smile (even if you're shaking your head), then this Kindle Single is for you.
As stated in the beginning, I'm easily amused... but I digress.
March 15, 2013
This was a bookclub book that someone chose. I have a very weird sense of humor and I thought this work of satire was just about as genius as it gets. Yes, it's a little ridiculous. Yes, it goes over the top at times - but that's kind of the point, right?
The most interesting part, for me, was that a few of our members thought it was the real deal. Ah... the life of politics, right?
Honestly, this was super funny, spinning all over the place from various traditional fairy tales.
Highly recommended for those with a fabulous sense of humor who need a giggle - sometimes at the expense of others. (Hey, no judgement here!)
The most interesting part, for me, was that a few of our members thought it was the real deal. Ah... the life of politics, right?
Honestly, this was super funny, spinning all over the place from various traditional fairy tales.
Highly recommended for those with a fabulous sense of humor who need a giggle - sometimes at the expense of others. (Hey, no judgement here!)
December 30, 2014
So much fun! Making me snort with laughter! Love the humor when an idea is taken a step too far to poke fun. Jack and the Beans Talk and Three Little Pigs are my favorites.
August 8, 2012
It's so funny it hurts.
December 27, 2012
An amusing little book that can be read in an hour or two. Presents fairy tales from a supposed "Tea Party perspective". The book is meant to poke fun at the Tea Party mentality.
December 6, 2012
Devoured this in one sitting last night. Definitely loved all the fun-poking. Makes me want to go back and re-read Politically Correct Fairy Tales, too. Enjoyable!
October 19, 2020
I love laughing at the expense of those whole call themselves “right wing” these days it hard to differentiate the rights morality with their so called “politics” - anyway conservatives have always been sadly hilarious in their ignorance, this book helps satirically highlight why they have such a big stick up their asses in the first place
December 23, 2022
awful horrible
I know free speech is important but this book is either a parody or a very unique American with a limited view of the world. I couldn’t get halfway through it. I was lead to believe that this would be a retelling of fairytales, but this is just someone’s agenda in fairytale format
I know free speech is important but this book is either a parody or a very unique American with a limited view of the world. I couldn’t get halfway through it. I was lead to believe that this would be a retelling of fairytales, but this is just someone’s agenda in fairytale format
May 27, 2015
This quick piece of satire is absolutely hilarious. For someone who loves sarcasm and general poking-fun at radical conservatives, Tea Party Fairy Tales is really fun to read. Most of the stories are short, and offer a laugh-out loud moral. My favorites included "The Chicken, the Osprey, and the Blue Jay," "The Hare and the Tortoise," "The Grandson of the Hare and the Tortoise," "The Sparrow and the Wren," "The Quack Frog," "The Snake That Was Tread Upon," and one of the longer stories, "Snow White and the 7 (really,6) Sovereign Citizens." Garner masterfully satirizes the stereotypical conservative view on wealth, the government, welfare, individualism, gun rights, gay rights, media tactics, methods of governing, and more. I only wish there were more stories!
February 8, 2015
To be short and sweet: this book is hilarious!
I have loved Garner's "Politically correct" books, they have always been good for laughs, so when I saw that he wrote a Tea Party version, I had to grab it! I love how Garner can twist any old tale to an extremist view, and it is good to see he can poke fun at the far right just as efficiently as the far left! I just hope we get more "Tea Party" tales, maybe of the Christmas variety?
I have loved Garner's "Politically correct" books, they have always been good for laughs, so when I saw that he wrote a Tea Party version, I had to grab it! I love how Garner can twist any old tale to an extremist view, and it is good to see he can poke fun at the far right just as efficiently as the far left! I just hope we get more "Tea Party" tales, maybe of the Christmas variety?
June 5, 2014
A pretty good analysis of some of the short comings of the current political movement. "The Economist" points out there are some good points in the movement but far more weaknesses to be good policy!
July 17, 2013
7/17/13 Can't get the gumption to get through this - will put it aside. It's just not my cup of tea. Teehee
November 22, 2014
Funny, yet cringe-worthy. Reducto ad absurdum is especially delicious when served with tea.
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews