Being a Rockefeller, Becoming Myself: A Memoir

by Eileen Rockefeller

A pioneering philanthropist and daughter of American royalty reveals what it was like to grow up in one of the world’s most famous families.
 
The great-granddaughter of John D. Rockefeller, Eileen Rockefeller learned in childhood that while wealth and fame could open any door, they could not buy a feeling of personal worth.  The privileges of having servants and lavish summer homes were offset by her parents’ thoughtful yet firm lessons in social obligation, at times by her mother’s dark depressions and mercurial moods, and the competition for attention among her siblings. In adulthood, Rockefeller has yearned to be seen not as an icon but as a woman and mother with a normal life, and like all of us, she had to learn to find her own way. Being a Rockefeller, Becoming Myself is an affirmation of how family shapes our identity and the ways we contribute to the larger family of life, regardless of our origins.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Biography Memoir, Biography

352 pages, Paperback

First published September 12, 2013

Reviews

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was pleasantly surprised by this unexpected gift from the publisher and thankful for the opportunity to get to know the Rockefeller family through the experiences and memories of the author. She provides an honest but poignant history of her family and an intimate view of lives beyond "money" and "political power." From the beginning of their economic success, the family has been committed to using a large portion of their wealth to help others in need and preserve parks and our environment. Though wealthy, Eileen's parents taught her the responsibility that comes with her name, a reverence and joy in nature, a world view, and a deep love for her family. As with all families, there were disagreements and disappointments which can separate us or come to resolution through the work of understanding and compassion. The photos Eileen included are key to the memoir, and I found myself studying them continually when reading. One of my favorites is right in the text...the door Eileen and her brother built on a path on their small family island. To Eileen, it was an entry to fairy land and to me, representative of the magic we all share as children, regardless of economic status. This is a very special memoir of a remarkable family.

[Janet · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having met the author while working at a book-signing, I was curious about this book. In person, she is unassuming and friendly; I liked her. Her book reveals that for her whole life, she has sought to prove that she deserves to be a Rockefeller, over and over again. Whether she's bringing a cleaning crew to her sister's house or reconciling her mother's mental illness, she needs to have attention paid. Don't we ALL feel that way?

In short, every member of the Rockefeller family that I have met is sincerely nice. Eileen is nice, too.

[Pamela · Rating 2 out of 5]

Eileen Rockefeller comes from a large, influential family. As the youngest of six, she has her hang-ups and often feels alone with her brothers and sisters given the age gap.

Rather than one continuous life story, this book is a series of anecdotes about her life -- from her childhood with her parents to her days at boarding school to her life as an adult with her own two children. I don't read many autobiographies, and it was interesting to read about someone else's life from their point of view. And it was also interesting to see how Eileen naturally became a leader both in school and beyond. Even though her family has a ton of money, Eileen was still grounded... she spent a lot of time with her family growing up, at her uncle's ranch and at the family homes in Maine and on the Hudson River. And although she could have relied on her trust fund, Eileen's goal was always to make a difference. Even at a young age, Eileen went to help women in Africa and aimed to clean up the Hudson River (as part of a thesis project); she convinced her influential uncles to help her.

Parts of the book were emotional, such as when Eileen talked about her mother and how she would rarely give her praise. Parts were fun, such as when Eileen mentioned the birthday celebrations she had with her siblings and how as adults, they put on the play Oklahoma. Some were sad, such as when her uncle decided to sell their family ranch to the Grand Tetons National Park. And some parts were inspiring, such as reading how Eileen was influential in CASEL, an emotional intelligence program that was taught in schools, and how she founded the Institute for Advancement of Mind and Health. She and her husband always seemed interested in some cause... and these causes were varied and would really help people.

The book was also scattered with stories of Eileen's mentors, of which there were many. And she also mentioned all the famous people she met, including Nelson Mandela and Georgia O'Keefe.

I wanted to like this book but felt it was tough to get through since the stories were so out of order and there was no central focus... the book covered EVERYTHING about Eileen's life. I also have to admit that parts of the book just made me upset... why wasn't I doing more to help the world? Why wasn't I going to Africa and making a difference? And why didn't I get the chance to meet famous people from all over the world? Hmmm... one major difference. She's a Rockefeller, I'm not.

I would have liked to see a shorter book which just focused on her relationships with her family/siblings. Or a book which just focused on her work founding CASEL and the Institute. Or a book just on the history of her family. To me, this was just too many different stories trying to be one.

[Marietje · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this book, because I heard Eileen Rockefeller speak on a panel discussion of ¨Descendants¨ at a book festival. All three women on the panel were descendants of famous fathers. I expected Eileen to be one of those ¨culture snob¨ rich ladies. Instead she came across as a very spiritual, warm and understanding woman, who had obviously struggled a lot to become the person she wanted to be.
Her book ¨Being a Rockefeller; becoming myself¨ has the same feel to it. However, while reading I got the impression that Rockefeller felt that she needed somehow prove that she was not a spoiled rich brat. Despite the fact that in real life she is anything but, she kept stressing how hard she worked, how she had used her wealth to start environmental and social initiatives, and to what noble causes she gave money. I had hoped to hear a little more about her inner development.
I wondered why she wrote the book. Was it to apologize for being wealthy, or to advance the causes she champions, or for self healing?

In short I am more impressed with the person than with her book.

[Judy Novak · Rating 4 out of 5]

This biograpahy is very true to the author, Eileen. Being the youngest, and with her father, David, constantly traveling around the world on diplomatic and business missions, she often felt lost in the family. She has been much closer to him than to her mother. This bio certainly is a compelling story of her strenghts and weaknesses and the not-always-so-fairytale existence she has led. It also highlights her many unique experiences from the past.

Sadly, since this book came out her brother Richard died (2014)in a tragic small plane crash, just after attending their father's 99th Birthday party.

(I know Eileen personally as my first cousin Paul, also in this book, is her husband.)

[Matt Bucklin · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is a wonderfully written collection of stories that show a very human side to Eileen, and how she learned to deal with issues we all confront, like birth order, relationships, raising children, finding purpose, and looking for beauty in the world.

[Liz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Could not finish. I kept plodding through hoping for meaningful message.

[Kathie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book more than I did. The format of short stories made it less readable to me. And although I’ve read she’s a bright, thoughtful, kind spiritual speaker and woman, her writing voice sounds amateurish to me, a little shallow, and some recollections, I thought, really inappropriate. I liked the “clubs” we belong to, her adult life more than her childhood, the door in the woods and her relationships with family, Rockefeller Cousins, mentors and Norman Cousins. I was pleasantly surprised to learn how she created Institute for Advanced Health, CASEL and SEL public school programs. It troubled me to continually read how afraid she was of failure and failing others’ expectations of her. I’m not sure how she might have described this so I felt more empathy. I found it difficult to not think “poor little rich girl” when she describes all her homes and yachts and famous mentors while feeling excluded and lonely. I am impressed by the amount of spiritual and inside work she accomplished to feel whole and happy. I can’t imagine the difficulties in carrying a name like Rockefeller. While I applauded the vulnerability of this memoir--the good, the bad, and the ugly--I wondered if it is necessary to come clean so publicly in order to clear/heal your soul? It felt a bit self-serving.

[Cathie · Rating 3 out of 5]

In this review I am very typical, I wanted to know all things Rockefeller and didn't care about Eileen, so I was pretty disappointed with this book because it was definitely her story. I didn't enjoy learning about emotional intelligence. I am familiar with it but I haven't really educate myself on it. I loved the "heart talks" and wish I knew about that concept when my boys were young. I loved the statement her son made, that if we taught heart talks to young children we probably we lose the need for gun control laws. Simple idea, but I think it is profound. While I believe our education systems needs a complete overhaul, heart talks are where we should start!

[Catherine · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not as interesting as I had hoped having heard her speak on I think a program on NPR. This was a lot of how unloved & unconnected with her family she felt, but then would talk about the wonderful times they would have as a family working on building a summer cabin or hiking in WY. Her book also makes it sound as though her non-profit work was to somehow prove her worthiness as a Rockefeller rather than a personal commitment which is rather sad

[Kb · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Poor wealthy entitled and privileged white girl. The history of The Rockefeller name and the author's view of her fellow cast of characters was the only reason I didn't stop reading/listening to this autobiography. Could not recommend.

[Frances · Rating 2 out of 5]

“It was close to dusk when I finally had a moment to plant the fava beans in our kitchen garden in Vermont. Our gardener had thoughtfully sprouted the seeds several days before.” This aptly summarizes the narrative. Great intentions, blinkered perspective.

[Catherine Hirsch · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting behind the scenes look at a famous American family.

[Michele · Rating 4 out of 5]

Precious. Transparent. Heartwarming. Inspiring.

[Lisa · Rating 3 out of 5]

#73 of 120 books pledged to read during 2019

[Laura Crognalo · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed being able to get the chance to read a small part of what it was like to be a Rockfeller. It wasn't all smelling roses. There was pain and unloved. But it made some stronger.

[Miriam Schoenig · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being rich, it turns out, isn't all it's cracked up to be. Even though we'd all would have liked to try it.

[Libby Dilling · Rating 5 out of 5]

read

[Estela · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a Rockefeller is a book that talks about Eileen's life as a rockefeller. Eileen had a very hardh life and had to learn how to take care of herself. Her siblings fighted to be the best son. Her grandfather had much power at that time. Rockefeller's had a lot of money so they had many servants. Eileen learned how to apreciate others araound her. Also Eileen learned that money isn't everything on life. Eileen had many problems but she learned how to confront them by herself. This book showed me that not always you will find people that will help you and that you have to deal with it. Also that having a lot of power and money isn't always a good thing.

Eileen was well educated in a wealthy family. In her life her parents did not really pay attention to her. Eileen only had her servants. Her siblings did not really like her and they were always fighting to be the best son. But Eileen was different from her family. She felt that she needed to help others and she did. In her diary she tells her story and her grandpa's also. Her grandpa also teached her manners and was closed to her. Through her diary you can learn what is it to be in her place.

This book would be recomended to history teachers, middle school and high school students, girls and boys, student that are interested in biographies, students that like diaries, and students that have projects about other people. This book would be recomended to history teachers because if they ever want to teach about the history of the rockefellers it will be help him to teach. Also this book will be to recomended to middle school and high school students as well as boys and girls because it teaches you life lessons that the student will not forget easily. It does not matter if the student is a girl or a boy. This book is also really interesting because it is a diary and the student could feel what she felt at that moment.

[Ann Aldrich · Rating 4 out of 5]

I started this book with low expectations and immediately met an articulate, artistic, entrpenurial, insightful woman with an intriguing life story. The author deals with two basic themes -- trying to live a "normal" life as part of a wealthy American dynasty, and coming to terms with family relationships as the youngest of six children of parents too busy with multiple responsibilities to attend to the needs of all six children. The book deals as much with the emotional journey as the external one. Stories of rituals that bind the Rockefeller family together through five generations are particularly moving. It is encouraging to be reminded that there are generations of wealth who are focused on philanthropy rather than power, indulgence, and personal glorification.

This book was published in 2013, but many elements are particularly meaningful in 2017. As a dyslectic middle schooler, Eileen attended North Country School, which taught her the three R's: ruggedness, resourcefulness, and resiliency. As a young adult, she was influenced by hearing Archbishop Desmond Tutu speak. "We don't have to change the world to improve one life, but in improving one life, we help change the world." As a middle aged woman, she and her family met Nelson Mandela. He told them "No one is born hating another because of the course of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, because love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite."

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this inner look at the family life of a famous and exceedingly wealthy family, perhaps one of the closest Americans have to royalty. Eileen has lived a life of privileges and experiences provided by her wealth that many would barely dream of if they'd won the mega-lottery. And yet her parents tried to make the children understand their responsibilities to use their wealth to help others, to be unspoiled. So we can understand their enjoyment of building things for themselves and simple pleasures of the outdoors and childish adventures. Many of Eileens memories seem really happy, in many ways a typical growing up. Yet her family's inability to express emotions, rivalry and competition, and her mother's dark moods and criticisms hampered healthy emotional maturity. With the support of many mentors, therapists and her husband she has found her way to understanding, empathy, and acceptance within her adult family relationships. A positive, hopeful book showing a life we really cannot envy.

[Richard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eileen Rockefeller’s memoir, “Being a Rockefeller, Becoming Myself,” is the most inspiring I have read this year. Any narrator as candid, deeply reflective, and funny as this one would be wonderful and memorable; that this voice comes from within one of our country’s wealthiest and most private families is all the more remarkable.

Rockefeller beautifully captures her simultaneous senses of joy and isolation growing up and her struggles to come into her own as an adult. A dyslexic introvert, she has connected with nature, social justice, and spirituality, and she has made sense of who she is. She has found peace and privacy; she has been healed and is a healer.

I soaked up Eileen Rockefeller’s wisdom about identity, relationships, and philanthropy. And with the recurring island chapters in my own life, I especially connected with her stories of the simple cabin she, 3 of her siblings, and her mother built on a Maine island.

Indeed, I so enjoyed “Being a Rockefeller, Becoming Myself” that I gave it to friends and clients this thanks-giving season; I highly recommend it!

[Soozblooz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Astonishingly self-absorbed and gratingly metaphor-prone. Ms. Rockefeller itemizes a litany of hurts and slights from busy parents and exlusionary siblings, and sees a world only as it relates to her. In one anecdote, she tells of weaving with two women in Africa. One morning, one of the women arrives later than usual with both her eyes blackened. The woman goes about her weaving and some time later commences singing and laughing. She then tells them the night before her husband stole all her money, went out drinking, returned and beat her. Ms. Rockefeller's takeaway from this incident is that she learned about the role of humor in personal resiliancy.

What I found surprising is she is one of six children born within the space of 10 1/2 years. Somehow she thinks this disparity in age is the cause of her estrangement with them, but it's clear she had an overweening neediness from birth and her siblings were not going to deal with it. She wrote her "memoir" when she was 61, but it reads as if she is still locked in the emotional drama of teen-hood.

[Kathleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author lives in the town next to mine, and I thought this memoir might be interesting. It was, but I wouldn't recommend it without reservation. Eileen takes a long time to gain any semblance of self-confidence. Her parents raised her to think of her family as "American royalty." [In an interview I watched last week, Warren Buffet sent his children to public school and told them to think of themselves as just like everybody else in town, no better because they had money.] The author has had enormous advantages but seems very guarded in the details she chooses to share with the public. For example, very little is said of her four years at Middlebury College, which would seem to be years important to the formation of her character.

[Iris · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great Memoir. Eileen has so many great stories in this book about her life. With her stories I was transferred to different parts of her life which were interesting(the homes her parents owned on Islands were interesting). I marvel how she found who she was with the struggles in life being the youngest child of six. Everyone struggles in life to find out who they are and Ms. Rockefeller was no different. I was enchanted with her stories and at the end she writes about how Beauty is in each of us. It's who we are and how we feel. It's a journey to find beauty in us but if you can't find it in yourself than it's hard to see it in life.

[Linda Smatzny · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a memoir of one of John D. Rockefeller's great-granddaughter. Eileen was the youngest daughter of David Rockefeller. She was felt unloved in her family of six children. She was emotional which was frowned upon in the household. She craved attention - thinking that meant love. She talks about how she lived but it doesn't come across as boasting of wealth. She loved the outdoors and found herself when sent to a wilderness school. Easy to read.

[Pam Mooney · Rating 4 out of 5]

A poignant memoir of a life well lived. Rockefeller family dynamics are relatable regardless of social economic status. Their family adventures, however, encompass what most of us can only dream of. Certainly it would be a challenging to define yourself with so many people telling you or assuming who you are. It is inspirational to hear of and see the outcomes of Rockefeller rising to the challenge.

[misha · Rating 2 out of 5]

I expected more from this book. with the title "Finding myself" I was looking to embark on an adventure of someone who had to find her true identity in the midst of coming from a big well known family. I felt the book was a surface read and did not delve into any details about the depths of what Eileen faced psychologically and how she found herself in the midst of it all. I do commend her for her works and for the woman she became, but I expected more depth from the book.

[Jinjer Stanton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Her writing aroused my empathy. I was envious. Not of the money, but of family projects (like building a cabin on a remote island), and the providing of opportunities for the children to learn self-sufficiency. I can't imagine anyone leaving a pair of children (middle grades) alone on an island today. But I would so have loved that experience as a kid.

[Dusty Summerford (Reviews by Reds) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to Goodreads & Eileen Rockefeller for this Goodreads giveaway!!

I found that this book hit all my buttons! It was happy, sad, loving, inspiring, frustrating, etc... I thought it was a great memoir overall. Maybe a little too long & did a bit of jumping around in the storylines. But I would definitely reccomend this memoir to anyone who loves strong women from American royalty.