Breathe: A Memoir of Motherhood, Grief, and Family Conflict

by Kelly Kittel

Kelly Kittel never questioned her Mayflower Society mantra―“Family is the most important thing”―until the day her fifteen-month-old son was run over by her sixteen-year-old niece. Nine months later, Kittel's doctor made a terrible mistake during her subsequent pregnancy and she found herself burying yet another baby. Caught up in the maelstrom of a malpractice lawsuit, Kittel and her husband battle not only the medical system, but their own relatives, in the courtroom. As their family tree begins to topple, the Kittels struggle to nourish the roots of their young family and find healing. Achingly raw and beautifully narrated, Breathe is a story of motherhood, death, and family in the face of unspeakable tragedy and, ultimately, how she learns to breathe again.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Grief, Biography Memoir

384 pages, Paperback

First published May 14, 2014

About the author

Kelly Kittel is a fish biologist by trade but a writer at heart. She is married with five living children, her best work beyond compare. She currently lives with her family on an island in Rhode Island where she was raised but prefers to write in their yurt on the coast of Oregon. She has been published in several magazines and anthologies and has written many notes to teachers. Breathe, A Memoir of Motherhood, Grief, and Family Conflict is her first published book. Breathe received awards for the Best Book of the Year and Best Narrative Nonfiction Book by IPNE (Independent Publishers Of New England) and was an Honorable Finalist in the Readers Choice International Book Awards.

Reviews

[Wendy Bomers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kelly tackles some very difficult subject matter in a way that's both candidly honest and beautifully metaphoric that truly BREATHES life into unimaginable tragedy. Also a fascinating study in human nature and family dynamics, the bold and baring details will undoubtedly leave you wondering how (and if) your own family could survive the chain of events that constantly twisted and turned in ways that sometimes made me gasp out loud. But what stayed with me the most in this book was Kelly's unfailing strength to not only keep her family together, but help them grow--no matter what. Fascinating, inspiring, suspenseful and lovely, "Breathe" ironically makes you hold your breath more than once as you hope and pray for a happy ending.

[Reeka (BoundbyWords) · Rating 5 out of 5]

As seen on my blog:



That line, over and over, from Beyonce's "Halo" keeps replaying itself in my head. It started the second I knew the inevitable was going to play out. The moment in the book where Kelly would detail the sequence of events, on that first day of tragedy. I'll admit, it's extremely hard to sit down and write this review. I have never written my thoughts on my a book that contained real-life events; people that are existing right now, this second, in the world out there. People that are, along with the author, going to be reading this review. Hello, I want to say to you all. Hello, and thank you, for allowing your story to become a part of my being. Kelly, I want you to know that what you've done with this memoir is one of the most brave, and admirable, things I have ever witnessed through writing, in my entire life. Your words completely captured me. Your struggles, your hopes, and your triumphs, they were heard, through your beautiful, beautiful words.

I don't want to review this book like every other book I've had the pleasure of reviewing, because this wasn't just a book, it was a soul-an entire life. Kelly wrote with the hand of a seasoned author, and hopefully, one day soon, I will have the pleasure of reading her fiction. But Breathe was anything but fiction, it was a recollection of memories-astonishingly detailed memories-starting from the birth of Kelly's fourth child, Noah. It documented his entire year of life, and then the tragedy that took it away way too soon. I knew it was coming, and still, I couldn't suppress the avalanche of emotion that bombarded my heart. I had to close the book, and wait for the full on sobbing to stop. I felt for this family; I felt their losses like I was feeling it for my own family. The strength, the complete and utter resilience that Kelly (and her family) possesses, to not only have survived what she went through, but to sit down, years later, and relive it while writing this book. My pain was the most MINUSCULE fraction of what she went on to endure from that point on.

I'm moved to comprise this entire review of my feelings, of the raw emotion I felt while reading Breathe , but I would be remiss if I didn't tell you what an extraordinary author Kelly is. I went into this knowing that Kelly enjoyed writing, but I didn't expect her words to exist so magnificently together. There were times when I had to remind myself that I was reading non-fiction. If I could use a familiar word to describe her writing, it would be: poetic. But just knowing that there was genuine feeling, and real-life experience, behind her words, it was elevated to something so much more than that. It was the act of writing in it's truest form, no need for research, or further knowledge of an idea, person, or place you've never had interaction with. It was pure emotion. I can't even explain to you what this book did to me, and for me. I want to meet Kelly, and I want to tell her, in person, how loudly this book spoke.

I'm not going to do my usual "Recommended for" with Breathe , because this isn't a book that can be compared to another in it's genre, it deserves so much more than that. Everyone, everywhere, needs to read Kelly's story. Everyone, EVERYWHERE, needs to know that this book exists.

P.S. I also highly, highly suggest checking out Kelly's blog HERE. It was such a pleasure to put faces to the names, and Kelly's blog posts are extremely interesting, and well-written. 

[L.G. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully rendered memoir of a quintessential family struck by tragedy. From the first page, the story grips you and doesn’t let go. Steeped in family values and tradition, Kelly Kittel paints a lovely and textured landscape filled love and the lives of her young family set against the backdrop of their home in Oregon living in the midst of her husband’s controlling family, and her east coast roots in Rhode Island and Maine.

We are quickly caught up in the cadence of Kelly’s life when tragedy strikes, and her youngest son Noah dies at the hand of her troubled and unrepentant 16-year old niece. Unspeakable grief consumes them as they look forward to a ray of hope ahead—the impending birth of their next child Jonah. When tragedy strikes mercilessly a second time, this time at the hands of a negligent physician, rather than supporting Kelly and her family in a time when they need it most, the cruel divisiveness of her sister-in-law Cody drives Kelly’s extended family to unjustly turn against her.

A unique and wonderful voice, Kelly carries us on her journey. Her children’s stories, both living and dead, are reflected through the lens of a mother’s love, taking us from the light into the darkest corners of loss and back again. Kelly and her family’s strength is inspirational beyond words as we share these tragedies as our own at Kelly’s side, at times wishing we could intervene on her behalf with the people who should have known remorse and compassion during this period of devastation grief.

An undisputed must read!

[Katie Day · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclaimer: Kelly is a second cousin once removed, on her Maine side, which makes her sound distant, but our mothers are close, so I knew bits of this story over the years -- and knew Kelly was working on her memoir. Wow. I read it in one gulp. Families have such power, for good and for not-so-good. Talk about evil in-laws. After publishing this book, at least they won't be speaking to her for a long while. And I'm thankful she wrote this because I feel I know Noah and Jonah now as members of our extended family. They live in her beautiful, painful writing.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kelly Kittel's book, Breathe, is subtitled A Memoir of Motherhood, Grief and Family Conflict, so you know before beginning it that you'd better have the tissues ready.

Kelly always wanted to have a big family. She and her husband Andy have three young children, Hannah, Christiana and Micah, when she happily discovers that she is pregnant with their fourth child. They rent a home from Andy's older sister Cody and her husband, who live across the street from them.

Andy is the youngest of eight children, and his siblings and parents are never shy about telling Andy and Kelly how to live their lives. They are particularly adamant in telling Andy that four children are enough and encourage him to get a vasectomy, even if he has to go behind Kelly's back to do it.

Kelly's East Coast, Mayflower ancestor family is very different from Andy's raucous, emotional family, and anyone who is married may understand how difficult it can be learning to get along with people so dissimilar from your own family.

Baby Noah is born, and all is well. Kelly and Andy are happy with their family, though Cody's constant need to control everyone around her is grating on Kelly. Cody's teenage daughters' disrespectful attitude towards them is also a problem.

While attending a family reunion at Andy's parents, Cody's daughter Cally accidentally runs over 15 month-old Noah and he has a traumatic brain injury. He is helicoptered to a nearby hospital, but when Andy and Kelly arrive, they are told that Noah was being kept alive with machines only long enough for them to say goodbye.

Noah's death devastates the family. Kelly and Andy wait for an apology from Cally, but it never comes. They try to get Cally and Cody to come with them to counseling to try and get through it, but Cody refuses. Kelly asks Cody to please sell the Tahoe that ran over her son because it pains her to see it sitting in the driveway across the street, but Cody refuses.

Kelly finds herself pregnant again and hopes that new life with bring the family some joy. While her first four pregnancies were uneventful, she has problems with her blood pressure this time and has to see a specialist.

Kelly chose a women's practice that has many midwives on staff, and she seems to see a different one every time. Her blood pressure is frequently measured, and she sees the doctor or midwife at least once a week, and even every day near the end when she is put on bed rest.

There comes a time when Kelly is at the hospital and has to decide whether to induce labor or wait a little longer to allow the baby's lungs to grow more mature. She is not given all the information she needs and decides to wait.

That decision cost her baby Jonah his life. Kelly has a placental abruption and Jonah dies in utero. Kelly and Andy have to tell their young children that they have once again lost a brother, and this second death in nine months is almost more than they can take.

Andy's family seems to want to blame Kelly for Jonah and Noah's deaths. They treat her horribly, and eventually Kelly convinces Andy to move away from his family in Oregon across the country to Rhode Island where her family lives.

Kelly becomes pregnant again, and is shocked when her new doctor reviews her previous medical history and tells her that Jonah never should have died. Her doctors and the hospital were negligent. Kelly and Andy decide to sue the doctor.

This decision causes a permanent rift in Andy's family, with his sisters siding with the negligent doctor. This floors Andy and Kelly. The courtroom scenes are as riveting as any John Grisham novel, but all this is true.

Cody actually testifies for the defense, and it is so hard to believe that anyone could do that to their own flesh and blood. Her behavior is appalling. Cody's daughters, including Cally, sit daily in the courtroom, taunting Andy and Kelly with their smirks and looks and reporting back to Cody what was happening in the courtroom.

Kelly suffers many more miscarriages, and I don't know where she has the faith to keep trying. I could never do that. Reading Breathe I was struck by Andy and Kelly's strength, by what loving, wonderful parents they are to their children and how deeply committed they are to their family. The fact that they were abandoned by Andy's family makes that hurt so much more.

I took away a few important things from Kelly's book; one is the importance of doing your research when it comes to choosing doctors and understanding your medical options. You cannot rely only on what your doctor tells you.

The other is that if you are in a toxic relationship, no matter who it is with, you must get out of it. You cannot change other people, you can only change your reaction. Don't let unhappy people take you down with them.

Breathe is such an incredible story, if you told me it was fiction I would say you had quite an imagination. The fact that this is all true makes it all the more remarkable. That Kelly Kittel lived through it is amazing, the fact that she lived it all over again writing a book about it is astonishing.

[Sharon Tjaden-Glass · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book. I found the cover arresting and the reviews were high. And it was favorably reviewed by Ann Hood, which meant a lot to me. But I feel disappointed after having read this book. In the first few chapters, I was confused by the author's constant references to small squabbles with extended family members. It made sense later when those family members were named as part of the reason for the death of the author's son--but truthfully, as a reader, I didn't care about these constant arguments with family members. They didn't speak to me, as a reader outside of this family.

What spoke to me were the author's unbelievably beautiful narration of letting her son leave this earth. I cried. I felt caught up in her own pain. I read every page of this section.

I stayed with the author through most of the Jonah's story, but I felt that the author's occasional blame-placing references to nurses and midwives off-putting. I would have felt much more connected to the author if she could have stayed in her present frame of mind at the time of the narration, rather than using her current lens to reframe herself as the victim. (In truth, don't we all play the role of victor and victim at different times in life?)

The author truly lost me during the trial scene. By this point, I could have cared less, so I flipped through all of these pages until it was finished. I was tired of analyzing and reanalyzing who said what and who insinuated what by this point. As a non-family member, I couldn't see how any of this added value to my life. The purpose of this section seemed to be to permanently assign blame to particular family members. And winning this trial somehow shouts to the world, "I told you! It was their fault! It wasn't my fault!"

The sad truth is the reader knew from the telling of the story that this tragedy wasn't the author's fault--but she couldn't leave it there. So this book came across as a final vindication to set the author free from internal guilt about that day. And as a reader, I feel a little used. I was hoping for the author to connect more with me. I think a more truthful title would have been "Breathe: A Memoir of Family Conflict, Grief, and Motherhood."

If this work was a short story of about 50 pages, focused on its winning features--its ability to describe a mother's grief over the unspeakable loss of a child--it would no doubt earn five stars from me.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kelly Kittel’s writing is beautiful and her story is both consuming and compelling. I couldn’t wait to read more and get back to it when I put it down. As a woman without children, her remarkable memoir let me feel her loss as a mother. This is not just a book about religion, grief, or family issues, but a plain universal good story of faith. The title BREATHE says it all, and Kittel’s desire to continue to grow and raise her family will leave you breathless.

[Jennifer Dwight · Rating 5 out of 5]

A woman's confessional story about some of the building blocks of wisdom: family conflict, loss, soul searching, learning to use the legal system in pursuit of justice, growing pains in marriage, leaning on the pillars of strength in one's belief system during times of utter destruction, how to live hour by hour in order to endure excruciating emotional pain. The book is well written and captures the depth of love good parents have for their children and must cultivate for themselves if they are going to set good examples of emotional health. It also effectively depicts strife with in-laws, and the importance of facing facts when all is not well. Loving one's family does not equate to permitting family members to inflict injury to further their own selfish interests, or (in this case) to cover up their own shame, deceit and cruelty. This book took tremendous courage to write, is compelling to read, and well worth the time. I was deeply moved by Kelly Kittel's humanity and intelligence, and her husband's loyalty and tenacity to his wife and children.

[Darlene · Rating 5 out of 5]

Breathe is a moving and often heartbreaking memoir written by Kelly Kittel that tells of the struggles that she and her family went through as in an instant they went from the perfect family to one full of grief and sorrow. Yet it is also a story of inspiration and hope as it shows the power of family and love.

Kelly Kittel loves children and loves to have babies. With four children she is flying high and happy with her youngest Noah being the apple of everyone’s eye. Yet in an instant it all changes when her niece rolls over Noah killing him. The family struggles with their grief and not understanding how something like this can happen to such a sweet little one.

But then Kelly finds herself pregnant again and the family feels that this little one is being sent to them by Noah himself. It comes as no surprise that Kelly and the whole family are devastated when, because of medical malpractice, little Jonah is stillborn.

At first Kelly and her husband Andy don’t even think about the fact that their son shouldn’t have died. They are grief stricken and dealing with the deaths of two babies in so short a time is all consuming understandably. Once some time has passed though they realize that someone should be held responsible for their son’s death and they decide to press malpractice charges. Kelly and Andy have a different story though because not only are they battling the medical system but also Andy’s side of the family who testify against them.

As I read this memoir of Kelly’s I was so angry at the way they were treated by Andy’s family. There was one family member in particular who really made their lives a horror and she was just cruel at times. Many times it was insinuated that Kelly was a bad mother and not taking proper care of Noah which is why he was hit. Nobody should ever have to hear that especially if it isn’t true. The worst though was having this individual testify against them at the trial regarding Jonah. I still can’t understand the reasoning for this as Andy’s family seemed to love him so it’s a mystery to me.

Kelly’s family is doing well now as are their children. It took her seven years to write this book and it is my hope that it was a healing journey for her. It certainly is a moving memoir of grief and hope that touches your heart.

http://www.peekingbetweenthepages.com...

[Jean Moore · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Unimaginable,” that was the song I heard a few weeks ago at the Public Theater in New York, a song that immediately had me thinking about the book I had just finished, Breathe, by Kelly Kittel. The song summed up the anguish of Alexander Hamilton upon the death of his son, Philip. And truly, the word, unimaginable, aptly describes every parent’s most primal fear, the death of a child.

What the Kittel family endured is this worst fear writ large. Their experience is biblical, a modern day Book of Job. And in Kelly Kittel’s hands, the story is doubly affecting because of her expert narrative. Ms. Kittel may be a fish biologist by trade, but she is foremost a writer. Her descriptive passages go directly to the senses. Here she is describing the drive home from the hospital with newborn, Noah: “Springtime in Oregon means a Technicolor treat with carnelian rhododendrons and bubblegum pink camellias and fancy, flowering fruit trees draped protectively over yellow daffodils and red tulips and purple hyacinths, all blooming…” You get the picture. Here is life in all its glory, a happy family on the way home in springtime. Among them for the first time in the car seat facing backward, the already cherished and protected newborn brother and son, Noah.

There is a sense of foreboding in these early chapters, and the events that unfold hit the reader hard when they take the Kittels by horrifying surprise. But further tragedy in this compelling memoir is yet to come. And when the members of this close-knit family so tested by the unimaginable are forced to suffer unspeakable cruelty coming from their extended family, it is almost too much to bear.

But this story is ultimately not a tragedy, for while there is great suffering, there is also great love and iron-rod strength, enabling the Kittels to continue on with fortitude and grace, until the unimaginable is no more. What they achieve and how they manage it, these keep the reader engaged until the last beautiful page.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

My husband and I met Kelly and her husband Andy recently when we stayed with them through Airbnb. I knew she was a writer beforehand, but as her son, Micah, was showing us to our room he mentioned that she'd just written her first book -- "By Kelly Kittle," he said with pride. When I asked what it was about he said it was a memoir about motherhood and family. I instantly was curious. So as we settled in to our comfortable digs, I found "Breathe" on Amazon and downloaded to my Kindle. And I started to read.

We met Kelly and Andy the morning we left (they'd been in Maine for the weekend) and had a lovely visit with them on their back patio. We talked around her book -- from her first time as a writer to the publishing journey -- but not about the book itself. I'm glad we didn't because as I read, bits of our conversation (family, where they'd lived, their house, etc) fell into place and I could visualize her story better. Throughout my reading I kept seeing her face, along with Andy's and Micah's, too.

"Breathe" is an amazing book, to put it simply. You absolutely have to read it to wrap your head and your heart around what this family endured. I believe hardship and heartbreak make people stronger, and to the very end you can feel how strong Kelly and her family are. To love and lose, then love and lose, and love and lose over and over is a testament to the power Kelly has as a mother to her surviving children, to her husband and marriage, to her family and friends, and to herself.

Read the book. Yes, it is tragically sad. But the message of hope, survival, courage and love leave you in awe of this woman ... of this family.

[Connie Ciampanelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently bought Breathe from Kelly Kittel at an authors’ exposition. I read the back of the book and learned it was about her and her husband losing two sons within nine months of each other. The first was Noah, dying at just shy of fifteen months old after being run over in a tragic accident involving Kelly’s sixteen-year-old niece. The second, Jonah, was lost in childbirth.

I didn’t want to read it. Too heavy. I put the book back on the table and looked into Kelly’s warm, compassionate eyes. “It’s sad,” she told me, “but it’s more than that. I think you will like it.”

I picked the book up a second time and read the synopsis and blurbs more closely. Placing my hand over my heart, looked at Kelly again. I felt a connection and knew she was right.

Breathe is the story of the Kittels’ unfathomable loss, their journey of grief, and the added layer of sadness, the profound extended-family toxicity that nearly ruined their lives. With an open heart, disarming frankness, and deep reflection, Kelly keeps the reader by her side as her family copes with its pain, through its trials, literal and figurative, as well as with the joy of new life and the love that holds them fast.

I don't have the words that adequately express how deeply moved I was. Kelly Kittel’s writing is exquisite. Highly recommended.

[D. Turner · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read!

Kelly Kittel has written a free flowing story about her family's journey through some unimaginably trying periods. Her story, BREATHE, is like a ship’s log, documenting events as the Kittel clan sets sail on the voyage we call life.

Like so many sea-faring stories, the family departs the tranquil harbor and is greeted with a slight breeze at their back. Despite their initial joy, it is this same breeze that is pushing them towards what will become a most stormy passage. Just as the open ocean will rise and fall, the Kittels are forced to deal with events beyond their control. Although we continually hear of the captains’ efforts to alter their course, the seemingly relentless storms ultimately force readers to wonder if this family will have to abandon ship.

Many days are filled with sublime sunshine, whiles others are consumed with devastating darkness. Given the chance to read though this co-captains take on events, booklovers are afforded an enlightening opportunity to share in some of the defining chapters of the Kittel family adventure.

Can be challenging/gut wrenching at times, but definitely a worth the read. A true testament to the power of perseverance.

[Mpl Lockwood Marion · Rating 5 out of 5]

Births, Deaths, a malpractice lawsuit and mean unsupportive relatives…How much can one family endure?
Despite an agonizing series of tragic events in the author’s life, she manages to persevere through her grief, without losing her convictions and enthusiasm.
This is not something I would usually read but the story peaked my interest. I did find myself taking a quick breather from the book because I was avoiding the inevitable deaths of Noah and Jonah. Unlike the author I was able to postpone the heartbreaking events until I was better prepared to handle them. I also found myself unable at times to put the book down because I was so engrossed by the crazy family dynamics.
Ms. Kittel’s ability to endure, the strength of the surviving children and her husband is inspiring. Despite the heartbreaking story line Breathe is an uplifting book about love, faith and optimism. A must read.

[Kristin (Kritters Ramblings) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Check out the full review at Kritters Ramblings

A woman who always dreamed of a big family, loses two sons within 9 months and then continues to suffer devastating loss again and again. Not the most happiest of books for the summer season, but bearing witness to someone's story made the emotional journey more than worth it.

There were way too many moments where I couldn't believe that I was reading non-fiction, my heart ached for this woman, not only for the loss but for the lack of family support. Although I am not a mom, I could still understand her sense of loss, but what I came out with more than anything was how much family support can help you get through anything. This book made me think about both my immediate family, my in-laws and my extended family and if something tragic where to happen I know that each and every one of them would RUN to come help put me and my husband back on our feet.

[Linda Atwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once I started to read Breathe, I thought about it all the time, even when I wasn't reading it. When I had to put it down, I couldn't wait to get back to it. This story actually occurs in Oregon state, near our home. So that made this story of particular interest to me. Then I met Kelly at a writer's conference years ago and heard more details and I couldn't wait for the book to come out. The way her husband's family interacts with Kelly is chilling at times. I was not disappointed with any part of the book. Kelly is talented and the section of the story that describes her watching her son being run over by her niece, stopped my heart. I couldn't breathe myself. It was perfectly written without being over-written. Great job Kelly.

[Marjy Bartholomew · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book which I recommend to any book club. It is one that will bring out good introspective conversation. My husband would say our book club is an euphemism for wine club. For some of the books selected, it may silently agree. Breathe is a book that would spark much conversation about it with the way it let the reader feel much compassion going through her trials of life and law while making you evaluate family relationships and life. I highly recommend it to anyone who reads. I asked a woman I work with if she reads? She doesn't, but her daughter age 13 does. She asked if it would be something for her to read? I told absolutely. It is about life and how we deal with tough times.

[Gwendolyn Plano · Rating 4 out of 5]

This memoir is a journey into a heart that has known the heights of love and the depths of sorrow. The two extremes intertwine and struggle with each other throughout the book, as Kittel attempts to make sense of the untimely deaths of two sons. I walked with Kittel as I read, my own heart aching and reaching for relief. When she cried, I cried. When she rediscovered joy, I celebrated with her. Though we have never met, I feel I know Kittel. Her descriptive writing style brought me into her life--into a life all moms share.

This is a powerful book, a book about love broken and pieced back together.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an unbelievably, excellent first book by author Kelly Kittel! A captivating heart wrenching memoir encompassing a mothers plight through birth, death, grief and eventually rebirth, in more ways than one. Kelly pulls the reader into her life and kindly shares the lives of two precious souls, Noah and Jonah. A loving unbreakable bond with her husband Andy, weathers them through the storms and torrents of very cruel unsupportive family members, grief no parent should know, and the hope that life will once again bless their brood. Take a breath, grab a cup of tea and read Breathe!

[Michael Garr · Rating 4 out of 5]

Moving

Kelly reveals the pain of the modern material world juxtaposed with family love. Her family's personal tragedies are brought out in heartfelt detail. This is a powerful story from real life and made me take a self values examination. Material success should never be considered lasting value especially when pride gets completely in the way of reconciliation. Denial and the blame game is played out here in a heart wrenching way. I still feel Kelly's emptiness and lifelong grief in my heart as I write this review.

[Orion · Rating 5 out of 5]

Breathe is a love story to Kelly Kittel's family, to her children both alive and dead. This memoir is beautifully written as it is tragic. Once I started, I needed to finish. To read what happened to Noah, Kelly's fifteen month old son run over by her sixteen year old niece. And the story of Jonah, who died from a mistake by Kelly's doctor. When Kelly's in-laws turn on her, and my anger started to build on behalf of the author, I knew this story would stick with me. While this memoir helps us learn how to grieve, it also shows us just how much love a family can sustain amidst tragedy.

[Namira · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn't put down this book. Kelly is a really good writer. I hesitate to say I enjoyed this book because the subject matter is harrowing but it was definitely a worthwhile read.

I would actually say that the main subject of the book is Kelly's relationship with her in laws, especially her sister in law, Cody. Honestly, through the book I wanted to be able to phone Kelly and tell her to stop being a doormat at times. It's frustrating to read the situation she was in.

[Jamie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was haunting. The way Kelly describes her grief is exactly how I would have described mine over the years. The things her family went through were horrific. I cannot imagine having a family as unwilling to support them as she had. I checked this out from the library but will be buying the kindle book so that I can read it again and highlight her beautiful words. Thank you for sharing your story.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! Coming from Salem and knowing these people and places it was a gut wrenching story of an amazing woman in familiar places and names of people I recognized and knew. This one will stay with me for a long long time. What Kelly Kittel endured was more than I could ever imagine, and emerged an even more amazing woman that I could ever become. Hats off to Kelly Kittle and her husband Andy. You truly inspire me!

[carol s bradley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Shocking ,courageous

I am a grandmother. My only child bore two boys. She miscarried once. She still grieves for that child to be. I wouldn't recommend this book for her or any who had lost their child. Only the strongest among those who have been through such loss should read this wonderful book. The passion and clarity in the authors writing made this difficult to put aside for even the smallest amount of time.

[Gina Dutton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This can be a difficult read for any mother, but it was very powerful for me and I am glad I read it. The story is compelling and it is an easy and fast read. I could not put it down. It is hard to believe that someone's own family members could be so cruel, but Kelly's story rings true to me. I am glad she wrote this book and I hope it was healing for her. It has made a huge impact on me and it makes me appreciate my kids and family so much more.

[Petra Schoep · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in one day. Kelly has an amazing gift for words. I found myself sobbing and also laughing at times. One quote that resonated with me is:"Grief is mostly internal and we were discovering it is often mistaken for a lot of other things like anger, weakness and lunacy". Please read this book, it is full of love and hope.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderfully written! A reader is instantly immersed in Kelly's story of building her family and finding hope when other might have been defeated. Many tears were shed in it's reading but the strength, love and truth shine through!

[Michelle Ganley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book as an ARC.
This book is woven together so delicately and beautifully that I was unable to put it down.
My heart was a whirlwind of emotions and I will most definitely be reading this again!

[Sharon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kelly bares her soul in this intimate, intense and engaging memoir. Her love of family and unexpected times of grief leave the reader feeling sad but somehow hopeful at the same time. She writes of deep emotion, resiliency and love with an easy, masterful manner. I highly recommend this book.