The Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning

by Simcha Fisher

So, you’ve decided to use Natural Family Planning.

Has it blessed your marriage? Deepened your respect for your body? Has it made your sex life fantastic?

Do you and your spouse hold hands at sunset, and do pink flowers grow around your marital bed?

If so, this book is not for you.

But if you’ve tried Natural Family Planning and have discovered that your life is now awful – or if you feel judged or judgey, or if you trust NFP but your doctor doesn’t, or if just you’re trying to figure out how the heck to have a sex life that is holy but still human – you’ll find comfort, encouragement, honesty, wit, and, most importantly, practical advice in The Sinner’s Guide to NFP.

In a series of funny, frank, and profound essays, popular Catholic blogger and mother of nine Simcha Fisher shows what it’s really like to practice NFP, and how to achieve those fabled “marriage building” benefits.

The Sinner’s Guide to NFP helps you with:


NFP and Your Spiritual Life

NFP and the Rest of the World

NFP in the Trenches


An easy and lively read, thoroughly grounded in orthodox Catholic theology, this book is packed with refreshingly frank insights about sex, love, and marriage. The next time you ask yourself, “If NFP is wonderful, why am I so miserable?” – don’t panic. The Sinner’s Guide to NFP is here to help.

Genres: Catholic, Religion, Nonfiction, Marriage, Theology, Faith, Christianity

117 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 9, 2013

Reviews

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a truly excellent offering from Simcha. I am naturally predisposed to disliking Simcha. I respect her, I enjoy her wit, I appreciate that she tackles tough topics but I also feel that she too often borders on the vulgar, the crass, the disrespectful and the banal. She simply is not my style. I don't object to her morally or socially but I also don't feel terribly uplifted or inspired by her writing either. This offering must be said to be the very best of her. She takes an incredibly difficult, often misunderstood and certainly uncomfortable topic and walks it out with the warmth, respect and skill of a venerable old mentor. She exudes understanding, respect, friendliness, joy and authenticity. My expectations were utterly outdone and I am so glad to have this in my library!

In the very beginning of this text, Simcha sets us up for her approach with great directness and enthusiasm. She is crystal clear that she is not writing a book on theology, morality, politics, sexual technique or charting. She is not stumping for NFP nor is she writing a layman's Theology of the Body. What she is doing is addressing the fact that a growing number of people (Catholic and not) are feeling called to practice NFP and many of those people are finding it to be anything but the "honeymoon effect" so often advertised in NFP classes. As such, it is her intention to frankly and lovingly break down the myths, the stereotypes, the questions and the hurts and try to offer the reader perspective, understanding, inspiration and hope. She makes no apologies about being Catholic and cites the catechism and several church documents without making it a "Catholic issue".

Simcha draws upon her own experience and a multitude of anecdotes from others. She is able to present a truth or a question and then provide 3-5 unique and divergent real life scenarios that help the reader understand the nuance of the situation. She is clear that there are some things that are totally forbidden in Catholic marriage (she never says what - she refuses to be cited as an expert on cannon law, theology of the body or NFP mentoring - I appreciate this approach) but that most things related to NFP are very relative to the couple themselves. She helps us to see how even in the course of one life, a situation may evolve through many different chapters.

What I love about this book is that it is neither prudish nor vulgar. It is funny. Warm. Informative. Inspirational. Practical. Packed full of understanding. She *does* say things that are as old as Adam and Eve but does so in a way that feels incredibly new, fresh and authentic. I particularly appreciate how PG this book is. I feel not only comfortable but compelled to give it to every bride at her bridal shower. There is nothing scandalous in here and her approach to explaining NFP is really what NFP is all about - communication between partners centered on genuine love and respect.

Her conclusion is really sold. NFP is about becoming excellent communicators, loving partners who are absolutely committed to each other's wholeness and humble children of God who are willing to take the blessings and the crosses of this life because it helps us to grow in holiness.

NFP is hard. NFP is complicated. Sex is complicated. But, as Simcha says, that is not a Catholic problem; it is a world problem, and if someone is telling you otherwise, they are probably trying to sell you something that will be the center of a medical class action lawsuit in ten years.

A note for Kindle/Audible users. I purchased this in Kindle and added the Audible to it. Simcha, herself, is the narrator for this offering - and it is absolutely perfect. Her tone and voice are perfectly suited not only to deliver what she intended but also to be heard and appreciated. Her voice is pleasant to listen to and her tone is warm and friendly.

[Amy C. · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5 stars, really.
This is the NFP book that desperately needed to be written, and I’m so, so glad that Simcha Fisher was the one to write it. Her voice is ideal for delivering straight talk, sending me into side-splitting laughter at one moment and then quietly stunning me with simply stated bits of enduring truth. Beautifully done. I’ll be reading it again and giving copies to friends.

My only quibbles with the book were the places that left me wanting more . . . I especially wanted to hear even more about her experience with prudence. And I would have loved to see one more chapter in NFP and the Rest of the World, something more specific that would help those of us who are “the face of NFP” to be gracious when friends and family and others want to call out our craziness. So I hope there’s another book in Fisher’s future. Discerningly spaced, of course.

Here’s the thing: on a 5-point scale, I only give 5 stars to C.S. Lewis, G.K. Chesterton, and children’s books with gorgeous illustrations. This book comes extremely close to the 5-star mark; after all, Fisher quotes Lewis and channels Chesterton, and the absence of illustrations, in this particular title, is a mercy.

[Haley Baumeister · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fertility awareness is a broad umbrella, able to be utilized by anyone — but Simcha is speaking to those using the specifically Catholic practice of NFP.

-There are books on the theological/ethical angle (Theology Of The Body, etc.)
-There are books on the biological/reproductive health angle (Taking Charge Of Your Fertility, etc.)
-There are books on the relational/marital angle (like this one!)

You don’t have to be Catholic to appreciate how wise and good much of this stuff is for any Christian marriage. (Although Protestants could learn and heed a thing or two!)

SHE’S ALSO HILARIOUS.

[Cece · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. It was well thought out, a perfect mix of funny and reverent, and very honest.

I only wish it were longer!

[Amber Rose · Rating 1 out of 5]

I actually really disliked this book, personally, it felt very negative and I didn't enjoy reading it.

[Jeffrey Hite · Rating 3 out of 5]

The Sinners Guide to Natural Family Planning By Simcha Fisher.

This book came highly recommended, so when one more person recommended it to me, I decided that it was time to get a copy. Well actually two copies, since the deal right now is if you buy the hard copy you get the kindle version for free. That worked out really well since my wife prefers hard copy and I prefer e-copy.

I should start this review by saying my wife and I have been practicing NFP for more than 14 years, and we have been teaching it for just over 13 years. So while I was excited about reading this book, we have some experience in helping people who have questions about the why’s and the where’s and the hows of NFP. We have heard many of the complaints, promises and hype about it. We have lived a lot of the pains and joys of it as well. And in the last few years we have gotten rather tired and probably jaded by all of the sunshine and unicorns side that you see most of the time.

This book, is not one of those sunshine and rainbows, puppies and kittens. Well maybe it is because, as anyone who has ever had a puppy or a kitten will tell you, that while they are super cute and there are some great benefits to having one, they can also be a pain. Ruined floors and furniture, torn up shoes, walks in the middle of the night that and unexpected puddle that gets your socks wet right after you turn the lights off.

So on with the review. This books starts with a disclaimer. This book will not teach you NFP. It will not tell you about all the different methods, it will not even tout one version of NFP over all the others. It won’t tell you about the dangers of using artificial birth control. So if that is what you are looking for, this is not the book for you.

After the disclaimer, the first few chapters are about the realities of living with NFP. Why you might choose it, and some of the common arguments. And I enjoyed reading about them. Even though I knew it was the case already it was good to hear that other people struggle with using NFP as well. The chapters on why, biologically speaking, the struggle can be so darn hard was especially nice to see.

For a long time my wife and I called ourselves the NFP dropouts. After reading this book, the title no longer seems all that appropriate. While my wife says she already kind of knew this, believe it or not, outside of class, guys really don’t talk about these things. So it was nice to see that there are other couples out there that are just as much “dropouts” as we are.

I have only given this book three stars. And all three stars are for the first half to two thirds of this book. the last third of the book deals with, well, it deals with sex. Ok NFP is about sex. Not entirely, a good portion of what NFP is about is learning to listen to and interpret your wife’s body, in order to help prevent or to achieve a pregnancy. But that is just a start. NFP is about respect and love and intimacy that extends way beyond the bedroom.

While I suppose it was good information to get out there, and as one of the reviewers pointed out, that normally you would only find this kind of information in a very intimate conversation with a close friend, some times it would be good to keep more of that information to those close intimate conversations.

I am a prude. I will admit it. But, I am a prude who is willing to talk about just about anything in a one on one conversation. We have had couples ask us some of the questions that were handled in the last third of this book. So it is not that the subjects are “off limits” or something. The problem I had with this section of the book, was that it was no longer a close personal intimate conversation. If I had not been laying on the bed right next to my wife, I would have been really uncomfortable reading this. After all, if I were talking about this kind of stuff, I would have her there with me, so if I were reading it I would need to be sitting right next to her, even with that, I was glad she finished the book before me so that she knew what it was that I was reading. To say it made me uncomfortable would be an understatement. While I know there are those that would disagree with me, I feel that some conversations are best left to intimate situations when both the husband and wife are involved. So while I appreciate the effort Mrs. Fisher made in getting this information out, I kind of wish she hadn’t. As it stands by the time I was finished with this section of the book, I was soured on the whole thing, and really had to try hard to put my feelings aside to write anything positive about the book at all.

My last comment on this book is this. Who am I to say one person’s writing style is better or worse than another. So I want to make it clear that, that is not what I am saying. I know that Simcha has a very personal and rather informal style of writing. I do like her style for most of the things that she writes, but some things require a more formal style. I think if some of the subjects that I found uncomfortable were written with a less irreverent and a more formal style they would have been easier to deal with.

If you are struggling with NFP and feel like you are all alone out there, and if all you are hearing from the people around you is the puppies and rainbows side of it, this is likely a great book for you. If you have been using NFP for long enough that you know that it is a struggle and that there are other people out there like you, this book might be just more of what you already know. At best it will be an affirmation, at worse it will make you uncomfortable if your not reading it with your spouse.

[Alexis · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good. Hilarious and moving and challenging. Concise & hard to put down. I feel like I can exhale in relief and hope. Good stuff.

[Peter · Rating 5 out of 5]

[CAVEAT: This book is for couples who use Natural Family Planning to space their children prudently. It is not a discussion of the method, it is a 'how to get the best out of NFP.']

I sat down with Simcha Fisher’s “The Sinner’s Guide to Natural Family Planning” on Thursday night and couldn’t stop turning the pages until, a few hours later, I had read the last page. In her usual frank, humorous and engaging style, Fisher has taken a waltz through all the major struggles and dilemmas facing modern Catholic couples struggling to live a faithful life in the bedroom without becoming prudes or perverts. A waltz that is, in the manner a mother usually dances through her house. Stepping lightly over the remains of past meals recovering gracefully from a small slip in the spilled milk in the kitchen and leaping like a gazelle over the laundry pile. That is, she deals with the gritty reality of a couple searching for an active, healthy, and improving sex life in the midst of all the trials of paying the bills, keeping up with the chores, the ongoing challenge of parenthood, and all ongoing struggles involved in married life. It is, in short, a must read for NFP couples.

The chapter on discerning when to use NFP, and when not to, is well balanced and empowering. The chapter on free will and discerning God’s will is brilliant, yet easy to understand. The chapter on laughing and sex is helpful and also moderately amusing. Her chapter on what husbands and wives can do for each other is also helpful, but all these things do not make the book as valuable as the main thread of her argument that runs through each chapter.

Fisher’s main point is this: sex is for grownups. So if you want fantastic sex, you need to grow up! When we are childish, petulant, selfish and lazy in our approach to sex, it will be disappointing to say the least. So the struggles with married life are a gift in that, learning to be a grownup in our most intimate relationship not only makes that relationship much more fun, frolicsome and fulfilling, it teaches us to be grownups in every other aspect of our lives. In short, marriage helps us grow in holiness.

If I have a negative it would be that the book is not long enough. I wanted a chapter for the men. We can hardly fault Simcha for writing from a woman’s perspective. After all, she writes as a woman who has listened carefully to men and seems to understand the basics. But a chapter from a man’s perspective might have rounded off the book as an even more excellent resource for couples than it already is. I don’t mean that she is hard on men. I think she is too soft in places. Sometimes it takes a man to tell other men to ‘man up’, and give some practical tips on how to go about it.

Get the book. Read the book. Pass it on.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is one-of-a-kind. You'll find books about NFP, but none that treat the topic with the brevity and hilarity of this one.

But don't be fooled by the fact that you're laughing left and right: Fisher's making some important points and sharing some awesome tips and commiseration.

What I loved:

1. Fisher's no-nonsense approach to a topic that so many people tiptoe around. She's honest, which means there's a lot to laugh about, some things to cry about, and everything to relate with.

2. The range of material in this book. The book won't teach you Natural Family Planning, but it will crack open that "you'll get along better" line of reasoning that so often feels a bit mythical and theoretical in practice. This is a book as much about relationships as it is about marriage and sex. Oh wait, those are all sort of the same thing, aren't they?

3. The laughing I did. Because, well, this IS a topic important enough to laugh about. Would that we all realize that more...and see the truth that lies beneath our howling and guffawing.

Who this book is for:
- Married couples
- Engaged couples
- People who wonder what the heck the big deal with NFP is

Definitely a book to read, reread, and buy for others. (Call me selfish: I like it too much to share.)

[Fer de Uña · Rating 5 out of 5]

Es una pena que el libro no esté en castellano, aunque una persona de nivel medio-alto de inglés lo puede leer perfectamente. Simcha escribe de una manera muy cercana, sin tapujos, y sobre todo, divertida. Porque aunque el sexo sea algo santo, eso no significa que tenga que estar exento de humor. El libro aborda las diferentes casuísticas que se pueden dar en un matrimonio que use la PFN conforme la doctrina de la Iglesia: no se centra en explicar los métodos, sino en qué se puede hacer y qué no, en cómo mejorar la comunicación entre los cónyuges, en las causas y no causas para usarlos, etc. Además, se lee fácil y rápido. Un gran descubrimiento.

[Anjanette Barr · Rating 5 out of 5]

Catharsis!!

Because sex is complicated. Before marriage and after. Before parenthood and in the trenches. It's difficult, and it's funny, and it's so refreshing to read a book that's candid about it. This book is written for Catholics, but I would have appreciated it before I was part of the Church as well. Anyone who has attempted any kind of Fertility Awareness knows that there are days when they wish they had more fertility ignorance.

[Sally Lucas Cumro · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was hysterical, so real, unafraid, and ultimately beautiful and hopeful. Simcha Fisher put into words ideas about NFP that I never knew were in my heart-until I read them.

[Rachel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Open, personal, funny, helpful. Also too short. Like really, it's too short. Read it easily in less than a day. It needed more stuff.

I'm surprised by how many people thought she was crude or crass or too open. If this is too open, no wonder we have issues today... (Speaking as someone who's had issues because of lack of openness. I'd be willing to be persuaded that her style isn't always suitable for everybody.)

Follows are some notes I took while reading. Boring stuff, but I wanted to record it somewhere. I would suggest ignoring this section.

-pg. 23 relationship with God vs. rules
-pg. 30-1 not every choice is God's will vs not God's will;
-pg. 35 live in now, not eternity; need to keep reevaluating
-pg. 38 virtues at the right time are beautiful, overflowing
-pg. 42-4 didn't explain or discuss contentious Bible verse enough (Ephesians 5:3-4)
-pg. 88 reminds me of me and my fear of femininity (taking on certain wifely roles doesn't mean she loses her identity, she wanted certain things but viewed them as weak and cliched and trite)
-pg. 92-3 hearing about how tricky discerning some sexual issues actually is, and the importance of growth rather than strict clear rules, is good for my issues
-pg. 94 TALK, to each other (and to your kids)
-pg. 106-8 list of great questions to discuss with SO

[Ariana · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am very surprised that this book isn't more popular. It's very funny, very true, and it speaks on an issue that I for one would love to talk more about, or at least read and hear more about.

This book talks about the big picture behind NFP, and gives you humor and tools with which to deal the the emotional/relational side of it. Which is incredible helpful.

BetweenThe Sinner's Guide to Natural Family Planning and Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health, I feel like I am much better prepared for this.

[Brigid Prior · Rating 2 out of 5]

Incredibly disappointed. Started out really well, and was a quick easy read... But it had nothing new. Which was more frustrating because of how she relates so willingly in the beginning. That was the one good thing- she made you feel not alone in your struggles. But doing that is only helpful if you follow it up with some actual practical advice (which does not include belittling every single struggle in NFP). Otherwise it just calls attention to a problem. Not helpful. And allllll of the spiritual crap that I've been preached to over and over was spit at me once again.

My disappointment increased tenfold because I know how much we need this book. We NEED practical answers that have nothing to do with having a nice chat or "just doing it". We need a book that will actually help women make sex about something other than being a biological necessity.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe I didn't read the description closely enough, but I didn't realize this was going to simply be a collection of essays - the majority of them published elsewhere, at least in some form, before. I've read some of Simcha Fisher's essays online and felt with the book I got duped into paying for something I'd already read for free.

There was obviously some new material, too, and I hadn't read all of the previously published pieces, so it wasn't as if I didn't enjoy some of it. I was just looking for more of a narrative style, instead of stand alone chapters.

[Angelique · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really wasn't sure how I would take this one but I truly laughed our loud. Good book. Very honest.

[Emilia P · Rating 4 out of 5]

Uh this review is totally technical about sex so don't read it.

Simcha, I love you. I always love you. Apparently I was on a particular book kick in June, not the best one I've ever been on.

And I *like* NFP more or less... I've been working on learning it for...about a year now. And it's good to be able to actually have a consciousness of your body and everytime someone's like "my period is late" you can think "but is it REALLY late. your cycle is not 100% consistent from month to month nor should it be! how do you not know this person in sitcommmm." EVERYBODY SHOULD HAVE ACCESS TO LEARNING ABOUT THIS. It is not a panacea, just like birth control is not a panacea, but it is access. to information. about. your. body. Which like, why not, seriously.

But the basic premise here is like "well sometimes your mucus cycle is long so you shouldn't be doing the baby making stuff and then it's a long time before you get to make love and everybody gets mad at each other" and gee isn't that tough for everybody but isn't it a call to be open with your sexuality with your spouse? And isn't it basically a gift to be able to assess your openness to life every month? The NFP/Theology of the Body call actually requires us to be more open about our sexuality than less with our spouses so freaking do it prudish up-tight catholic ladies and guys!

But, I wasn't really one of those guys in the first place, and my lovely spouse isn't Catholic so he's just like ok you tell me what's what I'll do my best to fall in line. There wasn't a lot of hesitation about speaking openly about this stuff between us.

But the other side of this, which Simcha does cover, and of the general churchy NFP teaching, is basically all sexual interaction has to consummate in that which is potentially life-giving, so try your best not to end up in the other random funny business. That. is. a tall order. Which. Doesn't really help us live our larger duties in the world? It's the logical conclusion of the philosophy of sex as "unitive and procreative" buttttt as with many things, no Christian is doing everything they believe in 100 percent perfectly, and this is ... a little ridiculous? And basically, people should have access to this biological information about themselves and also exposure to the philosophy without having to buy into it 110 percent. Because talk about guilt feelings. We don't have to expect sex to Never Make Babies (which the culture at large basically does), but we also don't have to Always Make it Make Babies. Yeesh.

So... yeah. Simcha is great,this actually made me a little more confused/grumpy/off base about NFP as a life philosophy and pushed me a little further towards the hippie-tinged "know your body, treat it kindly" side of things. But, I love her writer's voice. She is my blogging idol. I want her to write more books. The end.

[Ash Pappas · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is wonderful! I originally thought that it was a guide book on NFP (like how to chart, etc.). A friend recommended it so I didn't even really read the description before buying. It is not but this was even better! It showed NFP in a totally different light. I definitely recommend to anyone using NFP or thinking of using it. See my full review on my website!

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simcha Fisher discusses the difficulties that couples can experience while using NFP, but even more helpful than this, she shows readers why (and how) the church's teaching on sexuality leads to true freedom and deep and honest love. I would recommend this book to anyone, Catholic or otherwise, who cares to know more about NFP.

[Theresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book about the spiritual, emotional, and physical practicalities and struggles of NFP. Natural here means the nature of the thing at hand aka sex. This book pulls no punches and challenges you to examine your inner life and that of your marriage, all while being empathetic to the struggle. A must read for everyone— married, engaged, married forever, newly married, etc. etc.

[Sara Tran · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read for Catholics, following the teachings of the church on not using contraception, and embracing natural family planning. It recognizes the sacrifices of nfp and gives guidance on how to have a happier marriage and sex life. NFP is hard but it grows the couple. An easy read for supporting this goal of staying true to the Faith. Very helpful and will re-read again.

[Thomas Lehner · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really good book (or series of edited columns) that lays in plain English, with witty, wry, sometimes sarcastic humor, the joys and difficulties of marital love, especially when using NFP. Very encouraging for those struggling, falling and getting up again to try all over. Highly recommended!

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most practical book on NFP I've found. Highly recommend to married and preparing to be married couples. It really helped me better understand the question it seems like most couples have: what is a 'serious reason'?

[Mary Evans · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good book that introduced me to NFP and that it looks different for everyone. Also that it can be tough and you don’t have to do it alone. I would recommend it for engaged couples and others who intend on doing NFP. Now that I am living NFP, I don’t know if I would reread.

[Kathleen Kirchner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny and real and I got different things from
It reading it now as opposed to when I did earlier in my marriage.

[Joyce · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty good. Not a big fan of her Simcha Fisher's writing style, but the content is not bad. Makes me consider the fecundity of a Catholic marriage in a different way.

[JoAnna Kroeker · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, engaging, insightful and real. I found myself nodding in agreement, thanking her for her honesty and ultimately, coming to understand what NFP and marriage are about.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Down to earth and funny. This is real life and real marriage!

[Kate Letterman Conway · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn’t love or hate this, but I will say it was surprisingly uninformative.