What do you think?
Rate this book
Getting a Life with Asperger's: Lessons Learned on the Bumpy Road to Adulthood
Hard-won insights on transitioning into adulthood
Author, speaker, and autism advocate Jesse A. Saperstein knows a lot about living with Asperger’s. Diagnosed at the age of 14, Jesse has struggled, triumphed, flubbed, soared, educated, and inspired. Along the road to adulthood, he has learned many lessons the hard way. In this honest and engaging book, he offers a guided tour of what he’s learned about getting along with others, managing emotions, succeeding in school and work, building relationships, and more. Among his Asperger’s Rules
Clean Up Your Own Mess (including but not limited to credit card debt, out-of-control collections, and your cesspool of a room)
You Can’t Bail Out the Titanic with a Wine Glass (or change the world of online dating)
Serving as a Role Model to the Next Generation of Asperger's Syndrome
Navigating the challenges of college and the unrelenting storm of transition.
The Road to Catastrophe is Paved with Good Intentions (understanding how others perceive you, even if they’re wrong)
WIN (Work Is Necessary) You are talented enough to maintain employment even if your options are not ideal
Confronting Memories of Bullying and Showing Mercy toward Yourself
Heartfelt, insightful, and generous, this book will enlighten and inform readers, whether they are on the autism spectrum or not.
Author, speaker, and autism advocate Jesse A. Saperstein knows a lot about living with Asperger’s. Diagnosed at the age of 14, Jesse has struggled, triumphed, flubbed, soared, educated, and inspired. Along the road to adulthood, he has learned many lessons the hard way. In this honest and engaging book, he offers a guided tour of what he’s learned about getting along with others, managing emotions, succeeding in school and work, building relationships, and more. Among his Asperger’s Rules
Clean Up Your Own Mess (including but not limited to credit card debt, out-of-control collections, and your cesspool of a room)
You Can’t Bail Out the Titanic with a Wine Glass (or change the world of online dating)
Serving as a Role Model to the Next Generation of Asperger's Syndrome
Navigating the challenges of college and the unrelenting storm of transition.
The Road to Catastrophe is Paved with Good Intentions (understanding how others perceive you, even if they’re wrong)
WIN (Work Is Necessary) You are talented enough to maintain employment even if your options are not ideal
Confronting Memories of Bullying and Showing Mercy toward Yourself
Heartfelt, insightful, and generous, this book will enlighten and inform readers, whether they are on the autism spectrum or not.
240 pages, Paperback
First published August 5, 2014
18 people are currently reading
144 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
February 12, 2015
I've actually never reviewed a book here before, but my feelings about the book were not universally positive, and I wanted to contribute what may be a different perspective in case anyone else feels similarly along the way.
This was a good book. I liked it. I think many of the tips are helpful, and the author draws from his own experiences well. I loved reading it when I started because he is on the spectrum and speaks with personal authority. I've found a significant difference between books written by Autistic people and books written for Autistic people, and this book pleasantly displays that difference: he is engaging, self-deprecating, and believable.
But I fear that maybe I'm too old or too jaded for this book, because I also found him very optimistic, in a way that started to distract me from his actual points as I neared the end. (I estimate I'm about three years younger than the author based on his high school graduation year mentioned in this book). Obviously, as an Autistic female raised in poverty and undiagnosed until age 25, my life experiences are different from the author's, which he does mention upfront. Even keeping that in mind, though, I had a hard time relating to his ideas about life improvement and a better future.
That likely puts me in the minority, because who doesn't want a brighter future for themselves or their loved ones? It's just that so much of his ideals involve broad generalizations that may be accepted by the world at large, but that don't ring true for me. - What can I say? I'm Autistic and unusual. :) - He includes a list of traits that make us great employees, listing them like objective facts, and states that even though we have social difficulties, we're still all social creatures.
I have, at best, one of the six traits he claims for all Aspies. I have never had any affinity for perseverance, punctuality, focus, etc. Those are actually some of my weakest areas. After seeing the list, I was left wondering whether maybe I just suck at being Autistic. I'm also not a social creature. My friendships are primarily online and based on interests, and even that is sometimes more socializing than I can handle. I am genuinely happier and function better when not spending time with multiple people, and I wish that that was okay with the world at large. The implication I came across in his book, that it is my duty to engage with support groups, and create one if one doesn't already exist, just made me sad.
So maybe it's generational, and being raised undiagnosed in a community where I was just known as weird means that it's not possible for me to understand how things work today. But when I finished reading, I wanted to see one review that mentioned that while they loved his book, they also noticed that it wasn't as inclusive as it could be, that it assumed that joining in with the neurotypical world was the only way to succeed, and that his future vision of us all involved in the larger community and working to help each other excludes people who wouldn't actually benefit from sitting with others and talking.
I don't mean to pick on Jesse. He seems amazing, and I found his book very informative and well-written. It's just part of a larger perspective, I suppose, that says there's only one ideal mode of life that everyone, Autistic or not, should aspire to, when it comes to being happy, healthy, and functional. And while I can't explain my reasons very well, I don't necessarily agree with that world view, so I sometimes couldn't absorb this book's advice sincerely.
This was a good book. I liked it. I think many of the tips are helpful, and the author draws from his own experiences well. I loved reading it when I started because he is on the spectrum and speaks with personal authority. I've found a significant difference between books written by Autistic people and books written for Autistic people, and this book pleasantly displays that difference: he is engaging, self-deprecating, and believable.
But I fear that maybe I'm too old or too jaded for this book, because I also found him very optimistic, in a way that started to distract me from his actual points as I neared the end. (I estimate I'm about three years younger than the author based on his high school graduation year mentioned in this book). Obviously, as an Autistic female raised in poverty and undiagnosed until age 25, my life experiences are different from the author's, which he does mention upfront. Even keeping that in mind, though, I had a hard time relating to his ideas about life improvement and a better future.
That likely puts me in the minority, because who doesn't want a brighter future for themselves or their loved ones? It's just that so much of his ideals involve broad generalizations that may be accepted by the world at large, but that don't ring true for me. - What can I say? I'm Autistic and unusual. :) - He includes a list of traits that make us great employees, listing them like objective facts, and states that even though we have social difficulties, we're still all social creatures.
I have, at best, one of the six traits he claims for all Aspies. I have never had any affinity for perseverance, punctuality, focus, etc. Those are actually some of my weakest areas. After seeing the list, I was left wondering whether maybe I just suck at being Autistic. I'm also not a social creature. My friendships are primarily online and based on interests, and even that is sometimes more socializing than I can handle. I am genuinely happier and function better when not spending time with multiple people, and I wish that that was okay with the world at large. The implication I came across in his book, that it is my duty to engage with support groups, and create one if one doesn't already exist, just made me sad.
So maybe it's generational, and being raised undiagnosed in a community where I was just known as weird means that it's not possible for me to understand how things work today. But when I finished reading, I wanted to see one review that mentioned that while they loved his book, they also noticed that it wasn't as inclusive as it could be, that it assumed that joining in with the neurotypical world was the only way to succeed, and that his future vision of us all involved in the larger community and working to help each other excludes people who wouldn't actually benefit from sitting with others and talking.
I don't mean to pick on Jesse. He seems amazing, and I found his book very informative and well-written. It's just part of a larger perspective, I suppose, that says there's only one ideal mode of life that everyone, Autistic or not, should aspire to, when it comes to being happy, healthy, and functional. And while I can't explain my reasons very well, I don't necessarily agree with that world view, so I sometimes couldn't absorb this book's advice sincerely.
May 3, 2015
This was a fairly boring book, mainly because that is what it aimed to be: a simplistic narrative for those suffering with Asperger's Syndrome on the Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) scale. I was interested in reading this book because of the increasing prevalence of diagnosed ASD, attention deficit and other anxious disorders in developed countries. Whether it is due to diet, environment, evolution or genetics, it seems these "disorders" will only become more common in subsequent generations, and thus our need to empathize and adequately address their unique experience also increases.
There could be correlation between increased awareness and diagnoses of ASD, and/or over-diagnoses for social awkwardness or even genius. Nature vs nurture also comes into question - there are those who have seemingly begun to gravitate towards a more severe permutation of ASD, only to almost miraculously turn around from intensive socialization therapy, dietary or lifestyle changes. More and more often our society attempts to define and compartmentalize everything into a neat little box, when it is made evident by reading this book that it is difficult to comprehensively structure how one navigates through life with his or her individual "handicap-asset". As the Dutch proverb goes, "In the concert of life, there is no program."
This was a quick, light read from which most people could derive benefit in getting a brief overview of what it feels like to be in the head of someone with ASD. I could relate to a lot of the feelings of awkwardness and anxiety which are a part of growing up - only magnified for someone with Asperger's. Though Jesse Saperstein mentions Swedish models and online dating a little too often, his general and awkward pieces of advice are punctuated by touching, astute metaphors dancing across the page. It is incredible to imagine this intelligent author being so socially awkward, and in such pain, in his valiant and persistent attempts to forge relationships with others.
Experience is the best teacher; both empowering and inhibiting - it is up to the individual to decide. In the ASD world, as with every human being, I believe, you might feel safer without that experience, but it is only a temporary solvent which quickly festers into inertia and incapacitation. The only way to grow is to experience outside of your comfort zone; "the only way out is through". This book is a good little pep talk to that end.
There could be correlation between increased awareness and diagnoses of ASD, and/or over-diagnoses for social awkwardness or even genius. Nature vs nurture also comes into question - there are those who have seemingly begun to gravitate towards a more severe permutation of ASD, only to almost miraculously turn around from intensive socialization therapy, dietary or lifestyle changes. More and more often our society attempts to define and compartmentalize everything into a neat little box, when it is made evident by reading this book that it is difficult to comprehensively structure how one navigates through life with his or her individual "handicap-asset". As the Dutch proverb goes, "In the concert of life, there is no program."
This was a quick, light read from which most people could derive benefit in getting a brief overview of what it feels like to be in the head of someone with ASD. I could relate to a lot of the feelings of awkwardness and anxiety which are a part of growing up - only magnified for someone with Asperger's. Though Jesse Saperstein mentions Swedish models and online dating a little too often, his general and awkward pieces of advice are punctuated by touching, astute metaphors dancing across the page. It is incredible to imagine this intelligent author being so socially awkward, and in such pain, in his valiant and persistent attempts to forge relationships with others.
Experience is the best teacher; both empowering and inhibiting - it is up to the individual to decide. In the ASD world, as with every human being, I believe, you might feel safer without that experience, but it is only a temporary solvent which quickly festers into inertia and incapacitation. The only way to grow is to experience outside of your comfort zone; "the only way out is through". This book is a good little pep talk to that end.
August 24, 2014
I picked this up initially thinking it was more memoir-ish, and though it turned out to be a self-help guide aimed at young adults with asperger's, it was an interesting skim read and probably extremely helpful beyond its target audience.
July 19, 2024
In my review of Jesse Saperstein’s previous book, Atypical, I expressed disappointment at his focus on others’ tolerance, at the expense of his own responsibility to investigate and respect others’ feelings. Jesse read my mind, retroactively, producing this second book about he and his fellow Aspergians can function better in society. Imagine my delight.
The process of becoming an adult isn’t easy for anyone, whether they are on the spectrum or not. It’s a slow shift in attitudes and priorities, which often comes with a steep learning curve as we try to understand what others expect of us and what we want for ourselves.
What wonderful insight. In my experience, loving someone with Asperger’s, we guard against two dangers, failing to recognize their “atypical” nervous functioning, and exaggerating it. As Jesse points out, the typical young adult and the atypical face similar challenges, entering adulthood, and we can hope the two can join the battle together. Jesse shares his best strategies for coping in this book, and they are solid gold.
Survival in the neurotypical world is dependent on a tapestry of treaties and compromises. Perhaps it is prudent to run down this checklist or devise a similar one of your own:
Does this behavior or public ritual make you happy or enrich your life?
Are you choosing to hold on because letting go seems like the equivalent of death?
As harmless as your actions may be, do they frequently push hot buttons and solicit common fears?
Are you taking unnecessary steps to exaggerate your oddness in an attempt to garner attention?
Is there any room for compromise if letting go altogether seems impossible?
This is a wonderful book for Aspergians and the people who love them. It is a great experience to read a book I can praise to the sky.
The process of becoming an adult isn’t easy for anyone, whether they are on the spectrum or not. It’s a slow shift in attitudes and priorities, which often comes with a steep learning curve as we try to understand what others expect of us and what we want for ourselves.
What wonderful insight. In my experience, loving someone with Asperger’s, we guard against two dangers, failing to recognize their “atypical” nervous functioning, and exaggerating it. As Jesse points out, the typical young adult and the atypical face similar challenges, entering adulthood, and we can hope the two can join the battle together. Jesse shares his best strategies for coping in this book, and they are solid gold.
Survival in the neurotypical world is dependent on a tapestry of treaties and compromises. Perhaps it is prudent to run down this checklist or devise a similar one of your own:
Does this behavior or public ritual make you happy or enrich your life?
Are you choosing to hold on because letting go seems like the equivalent of death?
As harmless as your actions may be, do they frequently push hot buttons and solicit common fears?
Are you taking unnecessary steps to exaggerate your oddness in an attempt to garner attention?
Is there any room for compromise if letting go altogether seems impossible?
This is a wonderful book for Aspergians and the people who love them. It is a great experience to read a book I can praise to the sky.
October 19, 2020
Not useful for me
I have Aspergers but I'm highly functional. This book didn't teach me anything useful that I hadn't learned already. If I had read when I was 18 maybe it'd have been worth it, but not now that I'm 31.
I have Aspergers but I'm highly functional. This book didn't teach me anything useful that I hadn't learned already. If I had read when I was 18 maybe it'd have been worth it, but not now that I'm 31.
January 9, 2024
It was ok. I was hoping that it was more aimed to teens but I found some of the language a little more coarse and sexualized. Definitely more for teens on the brink of adulthood or young adults. I'll save this to pass on. It was decent but not what I was hoping for so I will keep looking.
August 13, 2024
Good, informative read on life in (multiple stages) with Aspergers. Saperstein lets us in on emotions and thought processes throughout important time frames. Recommend to friends and families of those with Aspergers.
June 15, 2017
Excellent advice, VERY useful. I wish my father could have read it. He might have had a better life and been a better father. I've been reading everything on Asperger's I can find since I realized
I have it. This helped me understand my father better. He definitely had Asperger's!!!!!!!!! (or the current definition somewhere on the Autism Spectrum)
I have it. This helped me understand my father better. He definitely had Asperger's!!!!!!!!! (or the current definition somewhere on the Autism Spectrum)
November 14, 2014
Upon meeting Jesse immediately before his presentation, a likability of his demeanor was evident. After hearing him speak, the hope was that his book would be in similar prose. Not disappointed!
Jesse has a way of making the reader see clearly into what it is like to live a Life with Asperger's, while getting A Life with Asperger's seems to be a more than bumpy road.
Insights are full of honesty, with a bit of humorous yet sarcastic realities that inspire people with Asperger's to push past obstacles as they grow into accepting who they are and who they are meant to become.
A must read and great gift for the young or not so young, and for those who have or know others with Asperger's. Delightful tidbits from a very determined young man who has successfully pursued his dreams in spite of adversity that comes with having this condition.
Jesse has a way of making the reader see clearly into what it is like to live a Life with Asperger's, while getting A Life with Asperger's seems to be a more than bumpy road.
Insights are full of honesty, with a bit of humorous yet sarcastic realities that inspire people with Asperger's to push past obstacles as they grow into accepting who they are and who they are meant to become.
A must read and great gift for the young or not so young, and for those who have or know others with Asperger's. Delightful tidbits from a very determined young man who has successfully pursued his dreams in spite of adversity that comes with having this condition.
May 17, 2015
Just like another reviewer had said, I picked this book up thinking it would be much like a memoir. I liked the quirky cover art a lot. It ended up not being a memoir at all but I still tore through it incredibly quickly. The author focuses on bestowing his wisdom and advice to successfully function in the real world with Asperger's syndrome. Although I myself, don't have aAperger's I still found this book enjoyable. Some of the advice and insights I feel could be appropriate for anyone who feels like their stuck in a rut. The opening chapter about getting out of "Loserville," for example, I personally would have found INCREDIBLY helpful and motivating when I lost my own job. Not only that, it opened my world up to an a pretty talented author. Jesse's voice and little drops of some of my favorite pop culture references has made me interested in reading his first book.
November 24, 2015
This kid is definitely on the Autism Spectrum and his insights for the most part are spot on. I enjoyed what he had to say about the workplace and effectively learning when to keep your mouth shut. Out of the whole book the part labeled Employment 101 should be read and memorized by anyone on the Spectrum or who advises anyone on the Spectrum. The section on romance could be applied to anyone who does not have a lot of experience dating. While the book is not written by a professional the book will be useful to anyone who has been recently diagnosed on the Spectrum and needs general life advice. This book can serve as a conversation starter between the parent of of someone on the Spectrum and their doctor or counselor.
December 16, 2014
This book was a great read filled with insights to the author's struggle to assimilate and conform to the norms of adulthood and how the journey is different for everyone not just those with on the spectrum. I especially liked hearing about what happened to him as he made his transition and the advice he gave for dealing with this important milestone. This was an excellent book to read!
September 9, 2015
Very easy to read. I picked up the book after I listened to a radio interview with the author. I thought this book would be a memoir/overall description of Asperger syndrome and it turned out to be a guide for people wine condition on how to deal with certain situations. Though it was not what I thought it would be, I enjoyed it.
December 25, 2015
Pretty good read. Wish his personality would shine through more. He's a fantastic speaker!
June 21, 2015
Great book with practical advice for anyone who is on the spectrum and for family members to understand and offer support!
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews