Pretty Takes Practice: A Southern Woman's Search for the Real Meaning of Beauty

by Charla Muller

Charla Muller’s first book, 365 Nights, was called “entertaining” (Albuquerque Journal),  “surprising [and] remarkable” (The Independent [London]).  It also launched her into the public eye—and brought her to a moment of painful realization . . .
 
For an average working mom like Charla, going on a book tour was both intimidating and exciting. It also turned out to be When she saw herself on a screen in glorious, unforgiving HD, it magnified all her flaws, prompted comments from unadoring fans, and forced her to reevluate her (lack of) exercise regimen.
 
But Charla was jolted into action and used that cringe-inducing close-up as a wakeup call. After shedding a few tears over how she’d let herself go (and over the five-year-old discount sweater she wore on Oprah), she set out on a strange, hilarious, and poignant journey that tapped into and tested her values, her beliefs about beauty, her self-image, and, of course, her relationship with her mother.
 
In this lively, funny, moving account, a Southern woman shares stories she swore she’d never tell—and ultimately offers some unexpected and universal insight about how pretty takes practice.
 
 

Genres: Nonfiction

272 pages, Paperback

First published August 5, 2014

Reviews

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Charla Muller is good at marketing, for she is still riding the wave of the attention she garnered from writing her “sex book.” THIS book is not much more than a journal entry filled with as many name dropping experiences she has encountered in her life. Not much literary value, but for her genius to keep riding the wave, I applaud her for the fun quilt stories she tells. She is relatable because - don’t we all feel imperfect? I just moved to Charlotte so this book appealed to me on a cultural level, and I must agree that one of the spectator benefits of living in the south is benefiting from the manners and southern charm. I hope my kids will pick up on this and perhaps adopt the southern accent that is SO charming!!!

[Sharon]

And practice sometimes makes perfect!

Hmmmm.... interesting perspectives on many unspoken practices that women battle in their heads and hearts all the time. I would recommend this book for you if you want to laugh, think of what “pretty” means to you and re-evaluate your pretty. I chose my 5 rating because I know all of this book to be true...the person who wrote it is as southern as sweet tea, as genuine as the southern hymns she sang in church, and as pretty inside and out as a firefly in a mason jar!

[Marti · Rating 1 out of 5]

oh, goodness, where to start. If you believe that Southern womanhood is built on cattiness and acts of self degradation, then you will love this book. If, however, you have any sort of notion that a woman is more than just a body with a harpy's tongue and an unrelenting need to objectify one's self-- say you think that one possesses an immortal soul or an actual value apart from one's looks or genitalia-- then you may find this book a bit repellant.

[Jaime Fields · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was enjoyable and often humorous. I enjoyed the personal anecdotes the author added along with her insight into what being pretty really means. She has a really interesting perspective on things, making me think about things a way I'd never thought about them before. Also, really LOVE the cover. It's so pretty!

[Ruby Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

"1. Confidence is More Attractive Than Perfection
Lesson: True beauty comes from how you carry yourself, not just your appearance.
Anecdote: A woman spent hours perfecting her look but still felt unnoticed. When she started walking with confidence and embracing her uniqueness, people gravitated toward her.

2. Beauty is a Skill, Not Just Genetics
Lesson: Like any other skill, looking and feeling good takes practice.
Anecdote: A teenager felt awkward about makeup and fashion. After experimenting and learning what worked for her, she developed a signature style that made her feel amazing.

3. Your Mindset Shapes Your Beauty
Lesson: Negative self-talk can dull even the most stunning appearance.
Anecdote: A model with perfect features always doubted herself. Once she changed her inner dialogue, her confidence radiated, making her even more captivating.

4. Kindness is the Ultimate Glow-Up
Lesson: A beautiful face fades, but a beautiful heart leaves a lasting impact.
Anecdote: A woman known for her stunning looks lost her charm when people realized she was rude. Meanwhile, her less conventionally attractive friend was adored for her warmth and kindness.

5. Posture and Body Language Can Transform Your Presence
Lesson: Standing tall and making eye contact can instantly boost attractiveness.
Anecdote: A shy girl always slouched and avoided attention. When she worked on her posture and eye contact, she exuded a newfound magnetism.

6. Style is About Expression, Not Trends
Lesson: The best-dressed people wear what makes them feel good, not what’s popular.
Anecdote: A woman used to buy every trend but never felt like herself. When she embraced her own style, she stood out in the best way possible.

7. Self-Care is the Foundation of Looking and Feeling Good
Lesson: Skincare, sleep, and nutrition impact beauty more than expensive products.
Anecdote: A woman spent a fortune on beauty treatments but still looked tired. When she prioritized sleep and hydration, her natural glow returned.

8. Laughter is the Best Beauty Secret
Lesson: People are drawn to those who radiate joy and laughter.
Anecdote: A woman worried about her smile lines, but her infectious laughter made her the most charming person in the room.

9. Makeup is Fun, Not a Necessity
Lesson: Enhancing your features is great, but real beauty doesn’t rely on cosmetics.
Anecdote: A woman always wore heavy makeup until she realized she felt just as beautiful with a bare face and self-confidence.

10. The Most Beautiful People Are Those Who Own Their Uniqueness
Lesson: What makes you different is what makes you truly beautiful.
Anecdote: A girl was teased for her freckles but later became a model because of them. Her uniqueness became her biggest asset."

[Linda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Maybe interesting for the 40ish concerned with aging issues.

[Alexis · Rating 2 out of 5]

Skimmed this one— a Free Little Library find. The premise was intriguing but in reality, it was more selected anecdotal “essays”.

[Rawles · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really, 3.5 stars. This is a fun, must read for all the Pretty Ladies in Charlotte. And Atlanta. And Columbia, Camden, Charleston...well, maybe there is a different book about Charleston!! Charla Muller has written a very pointed and honest book about the reality of society life in a Southern city - the expectations, the stress, the judging, the "who's your daddy" mentality of placing someone in a category based on their family, or more realistically these days, their looks. So she suggests we all get busy on our own definition of pretty should look like on ourselves.

Wait, WHAT?

Yeah, ok, I got my back up several times reading this book. Muller really does tell us to get it together because appearances matter. Now, when I turned 45 I sort of decided I didn't really care if I went to Harris Teeter without makeup on and it was so freeing!! I am pretty inside but you just can't see it because no I did not brush my hair 100 times this morning. Humph. But when I calmed down and thought about it, of course she is kinda sorta embarrassingly right. It shouldn't matter, but it does. We all judge each other. She was right to tell that mom at the private school that even though she has chosen not to wear a wedding ring and her husband did, she better start wearing one or else the rumors are gonna fly. Last week my husband walked up to the second pew in our very packed church (we're still on summer schedule with only one traditional service, so we are packing two services into one, which I am sure Father Paul says is a great problem to have, but not when you are used to two-wheeling it in 3 minutes before church starts and getting to sit up front) and left me and my 2 kids in the "penalty box" at the back of the church. I wasn't about to get up during the readings!! The nerve!! Within an hour I had two texts from friends wanting to know what happened. So, I get it.

So.....people are watching, whether they want to admit it or not, and if you begin to "not care" too much about what people think, you never know what kind of wild story you'll hear about yourself in the Queen City (or any other city for that matter - don't get me started on small town social politics! I grew up in one, I KNOW how it works.).

I loved how Muller was unapologetic about these realities. I love her newly coined (at least to me) and descriptive phrase of the "Volunteer Mafia." Watch out that you don't look TOO capable else you'll find yourself on 12 committees and leading 8 of them. She tells personal stories of fashion disasters that have happened to her that I can totally relate to. Here's one of her best lines, and there were many:

"There I was, with the incredible fashion burden of dressing for an Oscar de la Renta event on a Target budget and with an octogenarian's fashion sense. I was so hosed."

HAHAHA, right? We have all been there at some point. And we have all struggled with being true to our selves and fitting in. And we all admire those (from afar) who have managed to really accomplish being who they are and to hell with the Rules. Rules are safe. Rules we know. Being ourselves? Humph #2.

She says you have to dress the part. She should know. Remember that book a few years back about the crazy woman who gave the gift of intimacy to her husband - for a WHOLE YEAR? Yep, this is her. Well, she went on all sorts of talk shows, including Oprah, and got totally blasted....for her looks. Not her writing, or her skill, but for her sweater sets. Yikes. The scary thing is, those of us reading her book now? Yeah, guess who we are? The same ones who judged her.

For Shame.

Well, she got hers in the end because this is a cute, funny, and direct book. My big problem is that she is so focused on looks. Probably because WE are so focused on looks. Her experience of being in the nationally public eye was not a good one for her, but it led to some serious introspection (and another contract). Her last chapters left me curious though, with a conundrum. She talks about the importance of being interesting. Ok, that sounds good, no one wants to be the wet rag at the party. But the whole book is telling you to be pretty, to work on yourself outwardly because that is all that people really see (sad).

So, Charla, would you rather be pretty, or interesting??? I personally think you are pretty interesting, and that is enough for me. Please come to my book club - and bring your awesome friend Cyndee because I want to steal her. ;-)

[Sandi G. · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was written more or less like a magazine article, but consider it a nice afternoon's beach read. The author relays some interesting thoughts and events, just not quite enough meat there for a book. It was interesting hearing about cotillians and the author's take on fashion and navigating designer fashion, and I did like the cover. ;)

[Roseanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Being home sick on the couch allows you to read fluff. I always love a book written with a little southern wit and this didn't disappoint...other than that it was really a pointless little memoir of someone I guess I was supposed to have heard of. Humorous at times and obvious and bland at others, it was a quick read and I enjoyed it as such.

[Janola · Rating 4 out of 5]

I truly loved this book. I read it because Charla is a friend of a friend, and I was so pleased with how it made me think, the slight shift in attitude about what it means to me to be 'pretty.'

[Lara · Rating 4 out of 5]

After reading this book, I believe I am a southern woman at heart! Love all the rules! Quick, easy, funny read.