I often joke around that once in a while I come across a book so terrible that I want my money back. Most of the time, I don’t mean it. I’m generally of the belief that buying a book is like going to a restaurant you’ve never been to before. It could turn out to be so wonderful it has you coming back for more without hesitation, or it could just be the luck of the draw that it’s so bad you lose your money and your time. Of course on special, rare occasions, when books are like restaurants, you end up with food poisoning and you want your fucking money back.
I want my money back with this book.
Because this book. This book with its main character. This book.
Let me tell you about Colleen. Colleen is a narcissist. She thinks she’s amazing. I mean, not to brag or anything, but she’s been in AP classes forever, and you should recognize that those are very hard to get into. In fact, some classes like AP history, limit its spots, so only the best of the best get in. Colleen is like one of those poor girls who gets bumped out a spot. Oh, and she’s going to be valedictorian, not because she works the hardest, but because she deserves it. Because people just deserve things, and she is so much better than that other girl. She’s been working way longer for it that that girl. But Colleen is also so gracious she’ll pretend to be nice to said other girl, because did I mention, Colleen is a fake bitch?
Yes, that’s right, Colleen is faker than boobies in Beverly Hills. She has all these friends (she’s totes popular, but not TOO popular, because no one likes those girls) that she’s nice to, but talks mad shit about behind their backs. And she has a comment or observation for all of them, because some of them just aren’t that special, if you know what she means, and others of them try too hard, and yet still, some are funny, but clearly that’s to compensate for other things. Yes, Colleen’s shit talking is endless in this book, and not limited to her friends. She makes throwaway comments about how she often forgets her sibling because she’s so quiet, and teachers are nerds, but that’s okay because I guess nerds are chic right now.
Let me put it like this, Colleen is the most pretentious, self serving, shit talking, hypocritical, judgmental, righteous bitch I have come across in a very long time. This girl thinks the sun shines out of her ass. And I want to punch her in the face.
Other than that, the plot is boring and the characters are generic.
I want my money back. This book gave me food poisoning and I want my fucking money back. I can’t even believe I actually made it through this thing.