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88 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 23, 2014




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Jamie Grimes. Mad man, genius, lover, artist, nihilist… too fucking beautiful and too fucked up for this world.

Take my heart and crush it
Take my love and push it
Push it away
Take my life and watch me
Mainline it
Mistime it
Throw it all away

The fucking idiot!
I feel fucking furious – with him for being so weak,
with her for slowly taking him apart piece by piece.

Sex and booze is how I’m dealing with Jamie’s death, but it’s the only way I know how…
I thought Jamie was crazy for letting a girl get to him like she did.
Now I get it. She’s that kind of beautiful. The kind of beautiful you’d die for.
I have to remember that I should hate this girl – that she and her fucking around destroyed my best friend.

I want to hurt her for what she’s done. I want to see her heartbreak.
You can’t keep a girl like her. She’s like stardust, and us guys, we’re the star struck fools that she’s blazing past.
I've always been a sucker for a boy in a band, specifically a bad boy in a band -the badder the better.
Being everything to someone like him was way too much pressure for someone as broken and flawed as me.
I need to anaesthetise the only way I know how. I need to stop this horrible bruising feeling that’s blooming in my chest. I’ve always used sex this way.

I think Jamie imprinted his insane need for Sylvie Smith on my fucking soul or something.
A twisted, fucked up legacy of epic proportions.

Blackness starts to wrap itself around me, but it's not filled with nightmares and regrets, it's blissful and completely empty. I let it take me. I'm standing on a cliff edge with my back to the drop. I lean further and further back and then let myself fall.
My heart misses a beat as she curls herself around me. It feels like being wrapped in pure, unfiltered grief and it pulls and frays at my own pain.
I do so like to fuck boys in bands, and Chris Kavanagh is such a prime specimen.