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Motherfucking Sharks
Where I come from, the children sing a song:
Oh, the motherfucking sharks; Oh, they're gonna come to town.
Oh, they're gonna kill the babies; Oh, they're gonna make you drowned in your blood.
Oh, the motherfucking sharks; Oh, they're gonna mince the flesh.
They're gonna swim up and surround you; Don't you know you'll never pass the test, it's over.
Oh, the motherfucking sharks; Oh, they don't care about the gods.
And they don't care about the families
And they don't care about the cries or tears they're killers.
Motherfucking sharks.
Motherfucking sharks.
Motherfucking sharks.
Motherfucking sharks.
Oh, the motherfucking sharks; Oh, they're gonna come to town.
Oh, they're gonna kill the babies; Oh, they're gonna make you drowned in your blood.
Oh, the motherfucking sharks; Oh, they're gonna mince the flesh.
They're gonna swim up and surround you; Don't you know you'll never pass the test, it's over.
Oh, the motherfucking sharks; Oh, they don't care about the gods.
And they don't care about the families
And they don't care about the cries or tears they're killers.
Motherfucking sharks.
Motherfucking sharks.
Motherfucking sharks.
Motherfucking sharks.
124 pages, Paperback
First published November 1, 2013
22 people are currently reading
1229 people want to read
About the author
Brian Allen Carr
13 books281 followersBrian Allen Carr is an Aspen Words Finalist and two time Wonderland Book Award winner.
His books include OPIOID, INDIANA, MOTHERFUCKING SHARKS and several others.
He is from Texas and lives in Indiana.
His books include OPIOID, INDIANA, MOTHERFUCKING SHARKS and several others.
He is from Texas and lives in Indiana.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 146 reviews
July 9, 2024
SHARK WEEK IS FOR SHARKIN!!! it is also for meeting the author of MOTHERFUCKING SHARKS and getting shark tattoos together:
take that, sharkfans...
i recently watched the incredible syfy original movie ghost shark in which a ghost shark attacks its victims in a pool,
in a bathtub
in a bucket at a sexxy car wash
a toilet
a slip and slide
basically, anywhere there is any amount of water
so, i already knew that there's literally NOWHERE safe from shark attacks, even somewhere "days from the water," which is the territory covered in motherfucking sharks.
basically, this book brings to light the underreported occurrence of rain-sharks. rain sharks will come to your town and they will FUCK YOU UP! they will rise out of the puddles and they will eat up all of your friends and your limbs and there will be nothing but lamentations and hilarious bloodspray and over-the-top violence.
like that, only with lots more horror.
it's wonderful. or, rather - it's wonderful if you are a sickfuck with a taste for the bizarro. there's murder and incest and a kind of sharkrape, tips on saying "rain" in many languages, cannibalism, a terrible knock-knock joke, and also - MOTHERFUCKING SHARKS!!!
and this book gets a little meta, in the most darkly funny way. i'm going to type a lot of words- bear with me:
On the ground, near a puddle, its face the smell of chocolate, a toddler toddles.
See this, friend: eyes green, cheeks alight with joy. Blonde hair only ever so slightly feathered by breeze. A giggle. A tummy laugh. You ever touched a toddler's tummy? It feels like suede-wrapped heaven. It smells like milk and hugs and handshakes from God. You see this little boy? This little white boy? If it hurts you more to see a black boy die, then make him black in your mind, I don't care what it looks like so long as you're uncomfortable. Instead, reader, do this. Picture for me, if you will, the child you love the most. Hold it in your head. Dress it with the form you'd least like to see killed. In this way, we have always been a team. I tell you a thing, but you spin it real in your head. So, I won't tell you everything. Hell, make it a girl. Make it your own. Give me a child. Put it in your mind. Put it by a puddle. Put joy in its heart. I'm going to fuck it up. I'm going to unleash a magical shark on it. I'm going to turn that precious thing into a bucket of death shaped the way that hurts you most. Put that fucking child by that fucking puddle and let me kill the fuck out of it. I will strip its skin from its body, toss chunks of it at you like strips of bacon. Your baby. Make the fucking baby. I want to kill the fucking baby you've made in your mind. Is it there? Is it the baby?
Now, up comes the shark.
Now listen, I'm serious here, I'm willing to sacrifice my spot in Heaven to make you feel bad while reading this. I'll quit drinking forever tomorrow, and I won't jerk off to amateur porn anymore - you know the kind that's been stolen and where the women look embarrassed and the men look eager and the light is yellow and you can nearly smell the sin - but it won't matter anymore, because after I kill this toddler out of your imagination, God will think me reprehensible. I want this to occur inside of you. We're a team, okay? We're gonna kill this little kid together.
Kill this kid with me.
Put it in your mind and let's kill it.
Just you and me.
Just you and me and our imaginations.
Just two people. Taking a kid and killing it in our hearts.
It's not real.
It's just.
Let's take this kid. This cute little kid. It's by the puddle.
And in that puddle is something dark.
The child is innocent. The shark is heinous. Teeth. Teeth. Teeth.
Look at a baby's hand. It's so soft.
Look at a shark's mouth. All those teeth, so sharp.
Take that soft little hand, with those soft little fingers.
Piggies. Piggies.
Sing: this little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home.
God, I'm gonna fucking put those cute little fingers in that fucking shark's mouth. God, it will be fucked up. I'm gonna drag them over the teeth. Oh, shit, they will not stand a chance.
Hahaha. Look at that baby's face. It's fucking crying.
There's blood everywhere.
It's trying to suck its thumb.
Hey, dumbass, thumb's gone.
I fed it to a fucking shark.
Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahaahaa.
Oh.
It bites the kid again.
Oh, man.
These motherfucking sharks are crazy.
this book cracked me up.
get a harpoon, watch your back, listen to that lone drifter, and pray for cloudless days.
'cuz they're coming
come to my blog!!
take that, sharkfans...
i recently watched the incredible syfy original movie ghost shark in which a ghost shark attacks its victims in a pool,
in a bathtub
in a bucket at a sexxy car wash
a toilet
a slip and slide
basically, anywhere there is any amount of water
so, i already knew that there's literally NOWHERE safe from shark attacks, even somewhere "days from the water," which is the territory covered in motherfucking sharks.
basically, this book brings to light the underreported occurrence of rain-sharks. rain sharks will come to your town and they will FUCK YOU UP! they will rise out of the puddles and they will eat up all of your friends and your limbs and there will be nothing but lamentations and hilarious bloodspray and over-the-top violence.
like that, only with lots more horror.
it's wonderful. or, rather - it's wonderful if you are a sickfuck with a taste for the bizarro. there's murder and incest and a kind of sharkrape, tips on saying "rain" in many languages, cannibalism, a terrible knock-knock joke, and also - MOTHERFUCKING SHARKS!!!
and this book gets a little meta, in the most darkly funny way. i'm going to type a lot of words- bear with me:
On the ground, near a puddle, its face the smell of chocolate, a toddler toddles.
See this, friend: eyes green, cheeks alight with joy. Blonde hair only ever so slightly feathered by breeze. A giggle. A tummy laugh. You ever touched a toddler's tummy? It feels like suede-wrapped heaven. It smells like milk and hugs and handshakes from God. You see this little boy? This little white boy? If it hurts you more to see a black boy die, then make him black in your mind, I don't care what it looks like so long as you're uncomfortable. Instead, reader, do this. Picture for me, if you will, the child you love the most. Hold it in your head. Dress it with the form you'd least like to see killed. In this way, we have always been a team. I tell you a thing, but you spin it real in your head. So, I won't tell you everything. Hell, make it a girl. Make it your own. Give me a child. Put it in your mind. Put it by a puddle. Put joy in its heart. I'm going to fuck it up. I'm going to unleash a magical shark on it. I'm going to turn that precious thing into a bucket of death shaped the way that hurts you most. Put that fucking child by that fucking puddle and let me kill the fuck out of it. I will strip its skin from its body, toss chunks of it at you like strips of bacon. Your baby. Make the fucking baby. I want to kill the fucking baby you've made in your mind. Is it there? Is it the baby?
Now, up comes the shark.
Now listen, I'm serious here, I'm willing to sacrifice my spot in Heaven to make you feel bad while reading this. I'll quit drinking forever tomorrow, and I won't jerk off to amateur porn anymore - you know the kind that's been stolen and where the women look embarrassed and the men look eager and the light is yellow and you can nearly smell the sin - but it won't matter anymore, because after I kill this toddler out of your imagination, God will think me reprehensible. I want this to occur inside of you. We're a team, okay? We're gonna kill this little kid together.
Kill this kid with me.
Put it in your mind and let's kill it.
Just you and me.
Just you and me and our imaginations.
Just two people. Taking a kid and killing it in our hearts.
It's not real.
It's just.
Let's take this kid. This cute little kid. It's by the puddle.
And in that puddle is something dark.
The child is innocent. The shark is heinous. Teeth. Teeth. Teeth.
Look at a baby's hand. It's so soft.
Look at a shark's mouth. All those teeth, so sharp.
Take that soft little hand, with those soft little fingers.
Piggies. Piggies.
Sing: this little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home.
God, I'm gonna fucking put those cute little fingers in that fucking shark's mouth. God, it will be fucked up. I'm gonna drag them over the teeth. Oh, shit, they will not stand a chance.
Hahaha. Look at that baby's face. It's fucking crying.
There's blood everywhere.
It's trying to suck its thumb.
Hey, dumbass, thumb's gone.
I fed it to a fucking shark.
Hahahahhahahahahahahahahahaahaa.
Oh.
It bites the kid again.
Oh, man.
These motherfucking sharks are crazy.
this book cracked me up.
get a harpoon, watch your back, listen to that lone drifter, and pray for cloudless days.
'cuz they're coming
come to my blog!!
June 9, 2017
First I read the song (it's in the book description). I wondered what the tune would sound like. I think maybe there should be a harmonica in the background. In the foreground? The subtle hiss of fear and disbelief. A quick glimpse of fins in the sparkle of a puddle. Mangled bodies, jailhouse humor and sundry characters waxing philosophical while a one-eyed mule roams bloody streets. I love this book. It has just the right measures of humor, grit, pathos, and ruthlessness. Plus a shitload of teeth. More from this author, pronto!
February 10, 2019
Dafaq???? 😵
So this traveler is wandering around from town to town warning people about the impending storm which brings not only a barrage of rain and thunder.... it brings motherfucking sharks!!! 🦈
I will try as hard as I can to write this review without giving too much away. Okay so if this book were a movie it would be the equivalent of Snakes on a Plane. I say this because Samuel L. Jackson would have to be in it given the title and the language used and because the book has just about as much storyline as that film did. Let's face it, Deep Blue Sea had a lot more going for it. 😋
What makes this book even more fascinating to me is that it is set in rural country and as far as I can tell it is the old west as they talk about horse thieving and hanging people and the sheriff's building. No, the answer to your question is it is not set anywhere near an ocean or body of water at all. Then how can there be sharks you ask me? I will answer it the way it does so eloquently in the book.... fucking magic!
The writing is definitely told in an old western style as if you were sitting playing cards and drinking with somebody in an old saloon and they were telling you the story. The author also takes time out to talk to the reader from time to time. I feel that if this was an audiobook it should be narrated by Sam Elliott.
Was it good? Was it bad? It was certainly ugly. Lots of gore and sex for such a small book. Not that those things are really ugly to the horror fan, but still.
I have to say, I have been on an MST3K (Mystery Science Theater 3000) binge this past week and I would very much have enjoyed watching this with Tom Servo, Jona and Crooow. I think this made into movie form would have definitely fit the bill for this show.
So would I recommend this book? That's a hard question to answer. I think this is one of those books that you just have to take a motherfucking chance and read it for yourself. 😁
So this traveler is wandering around from town to town warning people about the impending storm which brings not only a barrage of rain and thunder.... it brings motherfucking sharks!!! 🦈
I will try as hard as I can to write this review without giving too much away. Okay so if this book were a movie it would be the equivalent of Snakes on a Plane. I say this because Samuel L. Jackson would have to be in it given the title and the language used and because the book has just about as much storyline as that film did. Let's face it, Deep Blue Sea had a lot more going for it. 😋
What makes this book even more fascinating to me is that it is set in rural country and as far as I can tell it is the old west as they talk about horse thieving and hanging people and the sheriff's building. No, the answer to your question is it is not set anywhere near an ocean or body of water at all. Then how can there be sharks you ask me? I will answer it the way it does so eloquently in the book.... fucking magic!
The writing is definitely told in an old western style as if you were sitting playing cards and drinking with somebody in an old saloon and they were telling you the story. The author also takes time out to talk to the reader from time to time. I feel that if this was an audiobook it should be narrated by Sam Elliott.
Was it good? Was it bad? It was certainly ugly. Lots of gore and sex for such a small book. Not that those things are really ugly to the horror fan, but still.
I have to say, I have been on an MST3K (Mystery Science Theater 3000) binge this past week and I would very much have enjoyed watching this with Tom Servo, Jona and Crooow. I think this made into movie form would have definitely fit the bill for this show.
So would I recommend this book? That's a hard question to answer. I think this is one of those books that you just have to take a motherfucking chance and read it for yourself. 😁
August 25, 2015
WE HAVE A FLOATER! Just in time for shark week!!
So, you’ve read the reviews, Motherfucking Sharks is “awesome,” it’s “magical,” it’s “funny,” it’s “gory,” it’s “motherfucking brilliant.” True, all true. But, there’s something else about this story, something special, something beautiful.
This story is like a fairy tale and, to me, fairy tales have always been weird as fuck, and scary as hell. This story is like a reversal of the Pied Piper of Hamelin. A stranger comes to town and brings his weird as fuck and scary as hell tale of the Motherfucking Sharks. Read these excerpts, and you decide whether to follow the piper into the story, or sit idly by and miss your chance to be devoured by Carr and his Motherfucking Sharks.
About Crick
He carried a bouquet of roses ahead of him as though the flowers cast light and he traversed dark-stained wilderness, but the sun brightened all things the moment he arrived. Less than a day later, the great-orange orb seemed pulled behind blankets of gangrenous flesh, dead to the world that lay prone to the flood from the rain, but when Crick appeared he had to thin his eyes at the strength of life’s shine.
About Sharks
The shark is a murderer, but it’s an honest one. It is killing you, or you are alive. The human can kill you a million times in its imagination while pouring you a glass of water. If you don’t believe me, get a job waiting tables.
About Shark Puddles
Outside the sun dries the wet of the world back toward the medicinal blue of heaven’s expanse, begging the land away from its state of recent flooding, and shivering of sharks swim rampant through the trees and streets gone red with the spilled human blood. Crimson drops bloom oddly through the murky rain puddles the color of caramel.
About the Rain
Rain According to Scraw
I’m gonna hold my hand out the window and catch some of God’s tears and drink them. If the water I catch is salty, well the rain is God’s tears for certain.
Rain According to Crick
Fuck the rain, and fuck this weird guy with his hand out the window.
Rain According to You
Write your own story about the rain
Rain According to Mom
The juggler, he was right about the rain, but I just can’t believe he’s right about the sharks.
The Rain Stops
Soul-shaped hands seek heaven-shaped promises to hold and hold onto, even as the storm douses the streets until they bulge like blisters – the girth of them puny against the eternity of the flood.
Motherfucking Sharks
Some things go so against the line of logic we’ve branded hot on our brains, that their impressions on our minds echo with madness and are rejected, spat away, and even if you look twice you still don’t believe it.
I was mesmerized by Carr’s writing. I was devoured by his words. I was led away by his story. And, in the end, I was amazed how strange and beautiful his story was, even through all its weirdness. They say, "he who pays the piper calls the tune," Carr definitely calls the tune with this one.
So, you’ve read the reviews, Motherfucking Sharks is “awesome,” it’s “magical,” it’s “funny,” it’s “gory,” it’s “motherfucking brilliant.” True, all true. But, there’s something else about this story, something special, something beautiful.
This story is like a fairy tale and, to me, fairy tales have always been weird as fuck, and scary as hell. This story is like a reversal of the Pied Piper of Hamelin. A stranger comes to town and brings his weird as fuck and scary as hell tale of the Motherfucking Sharks. Read these excerpts, and you decide whether to follow the piper into the story, or sit idly by and miss your chance to be devoured by Carr and his Motherfucking Sharks.
About Crick
He carried a bouquet of roses ahead of him as though the flowers cast light and he traversed dark-stained wilderness, but the sun brightened all things the moment he arrived. Less than a day later, the great-orange orb seemed pulled behind blankets of gangrenous flesh, dead to the world that lay prone to the flood from the rain, but when Crick appeared he had to thin his eyes at the strength of life’s shine.
About Sharks
The shark is a murderer, but it’s an honest one. It is killing you, or you are alive. The human can kill you a million times in its imagination while pouring you a glass of water. If you don’t believe me, get a job waiting tables.
About Shark Puddles
Outside the sun dries the wet of the world back toward the medicinal blue of heaven’s expanse, begging the land away from its state of recent flooding, and shivering of sharks swim rampant through the trees and streets gone red with the spilled human blood. Crimson drops bloom oddly through the murky rain puddles the color of caramel.
About the Rain
Rain According to Scraw
I’m gonna hold my hand out the window and catch some of God’s tears and drink them. If the water I catch is salty, well the rain is God’s tears for certain.
Rain According to Crick
Fuck the rain, and fuck this weird guy with his hand out the window.
Rain According to You
Write your own story about the rain
Rain According to Mom
The juggler, he was right about the rain, but I just can’t believe he’s right about the sharks.
The Rain Stops
Soul-shaped hands seek heaven-shaped promises to hold and hold onto, even as the storm douses the streets until they bulge like blisters – the girth of them puny against the eternity of the flood.
Motherfucking Sharks
Some things go so against the line of logic we’ve branded hot on our brains, that their impressions on our minds echo with madness and are rejected, spat away, and even if you look twice you still don’t believe it.
I was mesmerized by Carr’s writing. I was devoured by his words. I was led away by his story. And, in the end, I was amazed how strange and beautiful his story was, even through all its weirdness. They say, "he who pays the piper calls the tune," Carr definitely calls the tune with this one.
February 3, 2020
Fantastic horror that is more than a shark story!
Motherfucking Sharks by Brian Allen Care is a horror story with colorful description and style. Sharknado was a goofy joke but this, as absurd an idea it is, still had the horror edge. The author is very talented at getting into the mind! Great wild ride!
Motherfucking Sharks by Brian Allen Care is a horror story with colorful description and style. Sharknado was a goofy joke but this, as absurd an idea it is, still had the horror edge. The author is very talented at getting into the mind! Great wild ride!
September 14, 2015
UPDATE: Congrats to Brian Allen Carr, winner of the 2014 Wonderland Book Award
Daringly inventive prose, melancholy with hints of meta, and a pervading sense of gallows humor throughout. Just enough mother-F-bombs to affect a sort of mainstream-edgy appeal, without sacrificing any of the art. Docking one subjective star for the odd clunky passage, overuse of the word "haphazard", and maybe just the fact that I seem to have missed the whole shark-this/shark-that craze of the last few years. Carr is a gifted writer and MFS is well worth the read despite my niggling qualms, though readers should prepare themselves for a book far more engrossing than the sensationalist affair suggested by its title.
Motherfucking Sharks probably won't make you believe in God any more readily than The Life of Pi will, but it might make you wonder why He's so dang coddling and benevolent in the Old Testament by comparison.
Daringly inventive prose, melancholy with hints of meta, and a pervading sense of gallows humor throughout. Just enough mother-F-bombs to affect a sort of mainstream-edgy appeal, without sacrificing any of the art. Docking one subjective star for the odd clunky passage, overuse of the word "haphazard", and maybe just the fact that I seem to have missed the whole shark-this/shark-that craze of the last few years. Carr is a gifted writer and MFS is well worth the read despite my niggling qualms, though readers should prepare themselves for a book far more engrossing than the sensationalist affair suggested by its title.
Motherfucking Sharks probably won't make you believe in God any more readily than The Life of Pi will, but it might make you wonder why He's so dang coddling and benevolent in the Old Testament by comparison.
January 2, 2014
"Sharks," said Crick, "motherfucking sharks. Their eyes the shape of murderers' intentions and their mouths filled with these," Crick walked to the back of the wagon, and dragged a tether from hand to hand until he'd pulled a shark jaw into his grip, and he held it aloft for Mom to see. "Teeth," he said, "teeth as," he stuttered, "teeth as sharp as razor blades."
Mom eyed the jaw. "I don't follow," she said.
Crick clenched his free fist tight. "Motherfucking sharks," he said.
(pp. 4-5)
MOTHERFUCKING SHARKS.
What, that's not good enough? Sheesh, you people. Fine, I'll do it proper.
Stranger comes to town, leading a winking mule and a wagon full of harpoons and sharks' jaws, juggling the skulls of his family, and delivering a warning of what's to come: There's a storm on its way, and it's full of sharks. Motherfucking sharks. The kind that rise from puddles after the rain and swim through air, fucking whole towns up. Like the ones in that Doctor Who episode, only they can't be sung to sleep. Motherfucking sharks, gonna fuck you up.
So of course he's locked up for a crazy, and everybody dies. It's pretty awesome. Glorious fucking prose. I read great bloody chunks of this book aloud to myself (and alone, with no children present, so stop worrying), but this really needs a gravely-voiced old cowboy slurring his words from the other end of the bar to do it justice.
Warning: violence. And sharks. Also blood and gore and dead toddlers and brief (interrupted) incest and a particularly gruesome death-by-shark near the end that was worse than all the others, you'll know which one I mean when you read it, but if you make it that far into the book it's kind of par for the course.
Motherfucking sharks. Awesome way to start the New Year. I read Vampire Conditions last January, but it won't take me that long to read Brian Carr's other books. Happy fucking 2014, everyone.
Bonus excerpt for the curious behind the cut:
December 7, 2016
A dark and poetic fable, nihilistic, caustic, sometimes funny, sometimes sad, constantly and cathartically surprising, chaotic, philosophical, gory, visceral, alien, narratively complex yet deceptively simple, and so freakin’ weird in its own unique way that it’s almost untouchable. These are the words I would use to describe this book. Why are there sharks flying through the sky? What does any of this mean? Are these questions even important? Goddamn, this is good writing.
September 26, 2025
I really did not enjoy this experience at all. I'm not sure what was going on at any point, could not follow any of the characters, and the whole thing was written in a very strange, confusing fashion. Some pages are only a few lines, others are just blank spaces for you to add in your own thoughts. I read through some of the other reviews to see if I was missing something, but it sounds like I'm not alone with a lot of my critiques. I can't even offer ideas to improve because I don't know what I just read. It had some quirky ideas and was even written, at times, like it was a fable, but ultimately nothing came together and I finished it without knowing what just happened. Can't recommend this one, folks.
May 20, 2014
Sharknado wishes it was this (mother) fucking great.
August 8, 2025
"Give me a child. Put it in your mind. Put it by a puddle. Put joy in its heart. I'm going to fuck it up. I'm going to unleash a magical shark on it."
Toss horror, metafiction, bizarro, sharks in rain puddles and Westerns in a mixer and you'll get this book!
Being a sucker for bizarro and metafiction, I'm all in!
I really liked this book, much better than "Sip" I've read before and I laughed a lot more!
🦈🦈🦈🦈/5
Toss horror, metafiction, bizarro, sharks in rain puddles and Westerns in a mixer and you'll get this book!
Being a sucker for bizarro and metafiction, I'm all in!
I really liked this book, much better than "Sip" I've read before and I laughed a lot more!
🦈🦈🦈🦈/5
December 31, 2013
Ok, we can gather from the title of this book that it’s about sharks. Or at the very least, sharks are a featured heavily. But what kind of sharks are in Brian’s book? The cover shows some sharks swimming through the desert and that doesn’t make any fucking sense whatsoever. So let’s look at some different kinds of sharks.
These all look pretty normal and they're not swimming through the desert… Maybe Brian was using the word “shark” metaphorically. Like you know, maybe was talking about pool sharks.
Or card sharks?
Or perhaps fucking guitar sharks shredding out Slayer solos like mozzarella cheese.
No… He’s talking about man eating sharks that eat also eat little kids and hot ass chicks.
But there’s something different about these flesh hungry beasts. They’re not your typical saltwater blurs of silver death. These sharks, fucking swim in the motherfucking desert. Because they’re fucking magic.
If you can’t handle badass motherfucking magic sharks swimming through the desert eating cute kids and hot ass chicks, don’t read this book. Go watch some pussy ass shit like “Jaws”.
Boy you should have known by now:
These all look pretty normal and they're not swimming through the desert… Maybe Brian was using the word “shark” metaphorically. Like you know, maybe was talking about pool sharks.
Or card sharks?
Or perhaps fucking guitar sharks shredding out Slayer solos like mozzarella cheese.
No… He’s talking about man eating sharks that eat also eat little kids and hot ass chicks.
But there’s something different about these flesh hungry beasts. They’re not your typical saltwater blurs of silver death. These sharks, fucking swim in the motherfucking desert. Because they’re fucking magic.
If you can’t handle badass motherfucking magic sharks swimming through the desert eating cute kids and hot ass chicks, don’t read this book. Go watch some pussy ass shit like “Jaws”.
Boy you should have known by now:
December 9, 2014
There's something to be said for having your own review blog. I reminded myself of that after perusing the Amazon reviews for Brian Allen Carr's Motherfucking Sharks which recently won the Wonderland Award for best novel of the year. Here is a critically acclaimed novel of which Amazon boldly state the title in their pages. "MOTHERFUCKING SHARKS!". Yet not one review on the same Amazon page will have the title in the review. Why? Because any review with obscenity in it is immediately rejected! As of this date, Amazon has not yet admitted to the irony of this.
I mention this just to illustrate how weird our reality is. Logic often flies out the window and the only way to deal with it is to reject logic altogether and go with the flow. It was once said, "Fact is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense". I often think the Bizarro writer is saying "Why?" to that statement. If reality is not logical, why should fiction be logical? Would not a senseless reality be better illustrated in senseless fiction?
I don't know if Brian Allen Carr would agree with the above statements but his novels are certainly loaded with the illogical. Yet they stay rooted in our reality in sort of an extreme magical realism. I have read two novels by the author and I am tempted to call him the Ionesco of Bizarro. There is a bit of surrealistic dadaism in his writing yet placing that in the sparse, unforgiving, and very real landscape of West Texas is just short of brilliant. In Motherfucking Sharks (God! I love that title!) Carr's version of people turning into rhinoceros is sharks swimming in the desert, coming out of puddles in a desert storm and annihilating everyone in sight. Throw in the harsh realities of desert life and a bit of cannibalism ("That's not mule.") and the reader cannot help to think that he has stumbled into a different type of existentialism in which Godot has actually arrived armed with shark teeth. blood and mule stew that isn't mule.
I have been reading a lot of Bizarro fiction lately. I have stated in the past that I predict the best writers of the future may be languishing in the literary ghetto of Bizarro. Of the many worthwhile writers just beneath the surface in the field of Bizarro lit, I have also placed myself out on a limb by suggesting that two writers in particular, Andersen Prunty and Cameron Pierce, are most likely in the future to find themselves breaking through into the literary mainstream. Today I add the name of Brian Allen Carr to that very short list. Read either Motherfucking Sharks or The last Horror Novel in the History of the World and I think you will see what I mean.
I mention this just to illustrate how weird our reality is. Logic often flies out the window and the only way to deal with it is to reject logic altogether and go with the flow. It was once said, "Fact is stranger than fiction because fiction has to make sense". I often think the Bizarro writer is saying "Why?" to that statement. If reality is not logical, why should fiction be logical? Would not a senseless reality be better illustrated in senseless fiction?
I don't know if Brian Allen Carr would agree with the above statements but his novels are certainly loaded with the illogical. Yet they stay rooted in our reality in sort of an extreme magical realism. I have read two novels by the author and I am tempted to call him the Ionesco of Bizarro. There is a bit of surrealistic dadaism in his writing yet placing that in the sparse, unforgiving, and very real landscape of West Texas is just short of brilliant. In Motherfucking Sharks (God! I love that title!) Carr's version of people turning into rhinoceros is sharks swimming in the desert, coming out of puddles in a desert storm and annihilating everyone in sight. Throw in the harsh realities of desert life and a bit of cannibalism ("That's not mule.") and the reader cannot help to think that he has stumbled into a different type of existentialism in which Godot has actually arrived armed with shark teeth. blood and mule stew that isn't mule.
I have been reading a lot of Bizarro fiction lately. I have stated in the past that I predict the best writers of the future may be languishing in the literary ghetto of Bizarro. Of the many worthwhile writers just beneath the surface in the field of Bizarro lit, I have also placed myself out on a limb by suggesting that two writers in particular, Andersen Prunty and Cameron Pierce, are most likely in the future to find themselves breaking through into the literary mainstream. Today I add the name of Brian Allen Carr to that very short list. Read either Motherfucking Sharks or The last Horror Novel in the History of the World and I think you will see what I mean.
December 9, 2013
Conjure in your mind an image of a man. He’s tall, probably taller than you. He’s got a fine goatee, probably finer than what your face can produce. Especially if you’re a girl. You can tell in his drawl he’s from Texas, without being stereotypically Texan, if that makes any sense.
That’s Brian Allen Carr in your head, and he’s come to kill you. He’s gonna do it with language and it’s gonna tear you apart. Man’s got words with teeth and they’re hungry.
words words words words words words
words words words words words
words words words words
words words words
words words words words
words words words words words
words words words words words words
That’s a shark’s mouth of words coming to eat you. Motherfucking Sharks is a book that wants to eat you. It doesn't want to sample you or taste you. Just eat you whole and shit you out, and you’ll be thankful for it. Thanks, Brian. This shit ate me up.
That’s Brian Allen Carr in your head, and he’s come to kill you. He’s gonna do it with language and it’s gonna tear you apart. Man’s got words with teeth and they’re hungry.
words words words words words words
words words words words words
words words words words
words words words
words words words words
words words words words words
words words words words words words
That’s a shark’s mouth of words coming to eat you. Motherfucking Sharks is a book that wants to eat you. It doesn't want to sample you or taste you. Just eat you whole and shit you out, and you’ll be thankful for it. Thanks, Brian. This shit ate me up.
April 9, 2022
That was weird. And horrifying.
Also oddly lyrical. And sometimes I laughed. (Should I admit that?)
It's a Western.
[Pank] Magazine/Gabino Iglesias has a good review of it: https://pankmagazine.com/2014/10/14/r...
Also oddly lyrical. And sometimes I laughed. (Should I admit that?)
It's a Western.
[Pank] Magazine/Gabino Iglesias has a good review of it: https://pankmagazine.com/2014/10/14/r...
January 4, 2017
A wild and crazy ride
Wow. Just wow. That's all I can really say at first. If you are looking for a well written book filled with magically appearing pseudo zombie sharks, gratuitous violence, flowery inner contemplation, and a pervert named Tim. This is definitely the book for you. Hilarious strange and fun.
Wow. Just wow. That's all I can really say at first. If you are looking for a well written book filled with magically appearing pseudo zombie sharks, gratuitous violence, flowery inner contemplation, and a pervert named Tim. This is definitely the book for you. Hilarious strange and fun.
August 3, 2016
I have been putting off marking this as read just because I have been to lazy to write a review. I finished it the day after I started it though, it was a great read and very well written. Bizzaro is hit or miss with me but this one was definitely my kind of bizarro and that is a bizarre story told in a serious way. Other than the magic motherfucking sharks, this story wasn't all that weird. The writing is almost poetic with lots of quotables. I highly enjoyed this and would recommend it.
December 10, 2013
Frankly, all Carr had to do for this one to keep me happy was come up with the title. I want to pretend to read this book on the train so when anyone asks me what I'm reading I have an excuse to scream "Motherfucking Sharks!" at them. Regardless of that, though, I love the book itself. It's an odd thing, feeling like some strange mixing of the past, the future, and something that couldn't possibly exist. I love the lines, the occasional wander into metafiction, and the juxtaposition and perhaps downright inseparability of humor and carnage. You should scream "Motherfucking Sharks!" at people on trains. You should scream it at people on the street. Above all, you should check out this book.
August 9, 2019
This book is the Sharknado's idol. It's the love child of wild west movies and that shark movie with LL Cool J. This book makes the shark from Jaws pee in its shark pants. This book is also surprisingly, shockingly beautiful at times. There is actual, honest to God, prose in this book. I have never had a book buck my expectations more than this one did. Well done, Brian Allen Carr.
November 5, 2014
Read 12/31/13 - 1/1/14
4.5 Stars - As close to the next best book as a book can get / Strongly recommended to light bizarro fans and especially recommended to those who've never read bizarro before
Pgs: 124
Publisher: Lazy Fascist Press
Happy 2014 everyone! Hope you rang in the new year like i did, curled up on the couch reading a great book.
I spent much of last night nose-deep in Brian Allen Carr's Motherfucking Sharks and I gotta tell you, it was a romping good time. With a title like that... How can it NOT be?!
If I hadn't seen the Eraserhead Press 99 cent holiday Kindle sale this weekend, I might never have stumbled across it. Needless to say, when I saw this book, I simply had to have it!
Motherfucking Sharks will have you thinking about thunderstorms differently, that's for sure. You won't be finding them all that sexy once Carr gets through with them.
His writing sucks you in and, like the shark's razor sharp teeth, digs deeply inside your flesh and leaves you gasping in panic and fear till the very end.
Do yourself a favor. If a tattooed stranger passes through town as a storm brews over the horizon, pulling a cart full of harpoons, juggling an armful of skulls, warning you about motherfucking sharks, don't ignore him. When it begins to rains, get ready. And don't go pouncing through the pretty little puddles once the storm subsides. Those Motherfucking sharks are forming inside the puddles. And they're fucking hungry. And they'll eat you for dinner.
Those motherfucking sharks will tear you and your loved ones limb from limb and no amount of screaming or crying will save you. There is no place you can hide that they won't find you. They will keep tearing and munching and crunching through you until there is nothing left to munch and crunch through.
And then they will fade away to nothing and it will be like they never were. Except for your dead bodies, gutted and gory and strewn all over town.
4.5 Stars - As close to the next best book as a book can get / Strongly recommended to light bizarro fans and especially recommended to those who've never read bizarro before
Pgs: 124
Publisher: Lazy Fascist Press
Happy 2014 everyone! Hope you rang in the new year like i did, curled up on the couch reading a great book.
I spent much of last night nose-deep in Brian Allen Carr's Motherfucking Sharks and I gotta tell you, it was a romping good time. With a title like that... How can it NOT be?!
If I hadn't seen the Eraserhead Press 99 cent holiday Kindle sale this weekend, I might never have stumbled across it. Needless to say, when I saw this book, I simply had to have it!
Motherfucking Sharks will have you thinking about thunderstorms differently, that's for sure. You won't be finding them all that sexy once Carr gets through with them.
His writing sucks you in and, like the shark's razor sharp teeth, digs deeply inside your flesh and leaves you gasping in panic and fear till the very end.
Do yourself a favor. If a tattooed stranger passes through town as a storm brews over the horizon, pulling a cart full of harpoons, juggling an armful of skulls, warning you about motherfucking sharks, don't ignore him. When it begins to rains, get ready. And don't go pouncing through the pretty little puddles once the storm subsides. Those Motherfucking sharks are forming inside the puddles. And they're fucking hungry. And they'll eat you for dinner.
Those motherfucking sharks will tear you and your loved ones limb from limb and no amount of screaming or crying will save you. There is no place you can hide that they won't find you. They will keep tearing and munching and crunching through you until there is nothing left to munch and crunch through.
And then they will fade away to nothing and it will be like they never were. Except for your dead bodies, gutted and gory and strewn all over town.
August 14, 2023
A short story, surely, yet the prose is on point, the storyline highly original, the pace unrelenting and the allegories abundant, at least from where I’m sitting. “Here is how it starts: with a whisper, a hiss.” Motherfucker.
July 11, 2015
Sometimes I find a "new" author I like and I binge. This is what I have been doing with Brian Allen Carr. And sometimes I find as I binge that I become more critical, instead of less, the farther I get along. This is also the case with Brian Allen Carr, or at least with Motherfucking Sharks . While Sharks exhibits what impresses me about Carr -- the sparsity of prose that nonetheless is deep and his beautiful descriptions -- I just wasn't as impressed with Sharks . I found that with some characters the depth of description was missing and their motivations cloudy. Also here the setting was not fully developed which seemed to make the book less affecting. While setting is not always important, here it is, or seems to be -- and I hope I am not just judging Carr based on his other works I just pigged out on -- and it was a little flat. Probably most importantly, I just didn't "get" it overall. Again, maybe I am looking for more than Carr intended, but it seems there are things here that hovered around the periphery of my understanding without coming in for a proper landing.
That said, who can deny that this is a rather clever premise that channels Sharknado without devolving into Sharknado. These truly are motherfucking sharks and while remaining sharky, this is not about "Oh my God, the horror, the horror!", but something more. It is hard to imagine the sharks are meant as a fully literal device, despite their motherfucker-ness, and while horrible, this horribleness is not the point of the novel. At least I don't think so.
Despite my meager 4 stars, this is still worth a read. There is something charming here and it is well worth your time.
That said, who can deny that this is a rather clever premise that channels Sharknado without devolving into Sharknado. These truly are motherfucking sharks and while remaining sharky, this is not about "Oh my God, the horror, the horror!", but something more. It is hard to imagine the sharks are meant as a fully literal device, despite their motherfucker-ness, and while horrible, this horribleness is not the point of the novel. At least I don't think so.
Despite my meager 4 stars, this is still worth a read. There is something charming here and it is well worth your time.
January 7, 2015
Motherfucking Sharks. I love it. We all read this simply because of the title, didn't we? (Don't say 'no' like some lit snob. You totally read this because of the title, the description mattered not at all.) As far as bizarro goes, this is pretty gentle, a good introduction for anyone who has never before ventured into the genre, and appropriately twisted for the inappropriately twisted among us. Brian Allen Carr has done well. Within these pages exist:
* motherfucking sharks
* gore
* motherfucking sharks
* death
* motherfucking sharks
* fratricide
* motherfucking sharks
* a one-eyed mule
* motherfucking sharks
* inappropriate sexual behavior
* motherfucking sharks
* Brian Allen Carr killing babies...specifically killing your baby
* motherfucking sharks
* motherfucking sharks
* MOTHERFUCKING SHARKS
Did I mention there are motherfucking sharks? Because there are totally motherfucking sharks. And beyond all the twisted, fucked up shit going on, you will find yourself laughing at things you should never, ever laugh at, and you will not feel ashamed. Because let's face it: that shit's fucking funny.
Not for the faint-hearted but a damn fine read for everyone else. And I shall leave you with this quote:
"I take it you've met the motherfucking sharks?"
* motherfucking sharks
* gore
* motherfucking sharks
* death
* motherfucking sharks
* fratricide
* motherfucking sharks
* a one-eyed mule
* motherfucking sharks
* inappropriate sexual behavior
* motherfucking sharks
* Brian Allen Carr killing babies...specifically killing your baby
* motherfucking sharks
* motherfucking sharks
* MOTHERFUCKING SHARKS
Did I mention there are motherfucking sharks? Because there are totally motherfucking sharks. And beyond all the twisted, fucked up shit going on, you will find yourself laughing at things you should never, ever laugh at, and you will not feel ashamed. Because let's face it: that shit's fucking funny.
Not for the faint-hearted but a damn fine read for everyone else. And I shall leave you with this quote:
"I take it you've met the motherfucking sharks?"
May 17, 2023
Motherfucking Sharks is Motherfucking genius! Seriously, you need to read this book. I didn't think it'd be possible for Brian Allen Carr to write a book better than Edie and the Low-Hung Hands, but I'm happy to say he proved me very wrong. This is one Motherfucking brilliant book.
As far as bizarro goes, this book is really pretty tame. I mean, the story is weird as hell, but it is a lot less crude than other bizarro books I have read. Aside from the title, it really doesn't swear all that much (or I just didn't notice it), and the sex was minimal / not all that graphic. I do admit, there was a scene of incest, but even that wasn't all that brutal, especially in the world of the story. If you get turned off by the crudeness of bizarro, then pick this one up. Do not let the title stop you from doing so.
Furthermore, BAC writes some of the most beautiful sentences I have ever read in a bizarro book. I won't list them here (there are too many) but the language in this one blew me away.
Nothing took me out of this book. BAC had me entranced from cover to cover. You won't find a bizarro western better than this and will be hard-pressed to find any bizarro book better than this. This is another winner for BAC and another winner from Lazy Fascist Press.
As far as bizarro goes, this book is really pretty tame. I mean, the story is weird as hell, but it is a lot less crude than other bizarro books I have read. Aside from the title, it really doesn't swear all that much (or I just didn't notice it), and the sex was minimal / not all that graphic. I do admit, there was a scene of incest, but even that wasn't all that brutal, especially in the world of the story. If you get turned off by the crudeness of bizarro, then pick this one up. Do not let the title stop you from doing so.
Furthermore, BAC writes some of the most beautiful sentences I have ever read in a bizarro book. I won't list them here (there are too many) but the language in this one blew me away.
Nothing took me out of this book. BAC had me entranced from cover to cover. You won't find a bizarro western better than this and will be hard-pressed to find any bizarro book better than this. This is another winner for BAC and another winner from Lazy Fascist Press.
Want to read
February 10, 2015Oh the motherfucking sharks
Oh they're gonna come to town
Oh they're gonna kill the babies
Oh they're gonna make you drowned in your blood
Oh the motherfucking sharks
Oh they're gonna mince the flesh
They're gonna swim up and surround you
Don't you know you'll never pass the test it's over
Oh the motherfucking sharks
Oh they don't care about the gods
And they don't care about the families
And they don't care about the cries or tears they're killers.
Motherfucking sharks
Motherfucking sharks
Motherfucking sharks
Motherfucking sharks
With a song like this...I HAVE to read this book!
Oh they're gonna come to town
Oh they're gonna kill the babies
Oh they're gonna make you drowned in your blood
Oh the motherfucking sharks
Oh they're gonna mince the flesh
They're gonna swim up and surround you
Don't you know you'll never pass the test it's over
Oh the motherfucking sharks
Oh they don't care about the gods
And they don't care about the families
And they don't care about the cries or tears they're killers.
Motherfucking sharks
Motherfucking sharks
Motherfucking sharks
Motherfucking sharks
With a song like this...I HAVE to read this book!
August 1, 2019
Finished Motherfucking Sharks today in one bite, during the torrential downpour of motherfucking rainy season. Now that the sun showed up I’m watching the muddy puddles for any movement. Might have to get out the harpoon.
The words in the story have the comfortable swagger of a western, laced with biting humor and some pretty gruesome violence, so it made for a great reading experience overall. I really enjoyed this thing.
The words in the story have the comfortable swagger of a western, laced with biting humor and some pretty gruesome violence, so it made for a great reading experience overall. I really enjoyed this thing.
April 5, 2017
this book, this book about motherfucking sharks, surprised me with the beauty and lyricism of its prose. this is bizarro fiction as it was meant to be: still vulgar and bloody and darkly fantastical, but with a heart to go along with its blood and guts. simply put, it's the best bizarro fiction I've ever fucking read.
October 26, 2013
From either end of the desert terrain exists the myth. It is carried by a wayward traveler, partnered only by his one-eyed mule. Whether or not you're willing, he will pass by. He will travel. He cannot slow down. He walks the lands a half hour before the rains. Those rains, the rains worth a story, worth a warning. He is willing to tell as long as you are willing to suspend disbelief and listen.
Listening might just save you.
He saved me.
Listening might just save you.
He saved me.
March 28, 2016
4.5. Top notch bizarro. Much smarter than I expected it to be.
Want to read
May 25, 2014Oh yeah. Ohhhhhh yeah.
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